Wasted Wednesday

It’s #WastedWednesday, and I’m distracting myself from the 50%+ of my work week left by crushing on crushed hunks. Don’t you just want to be on the clean up crew for Wrestler4Hire, and find these sweat soaked, bruised, battered beefcakes littering the ring, used up and worn out? Is there a homoerotic wrestling angle out there of the straight heel who bulldozes the hottest slices of beef and leaves them for his gay best bro to climb in and take over?  There should be.

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Fuck, the sight of Nick Justice toying with Drew Harper, after he’s laid him out in a pool of sweat and tears, his recharging my battery.

starr muscle

Mark Muscle stands back and simply possesses the ring, just like he just took total possession of Blake Starr. So, in that straight-heel-does-his-gay-bro-a-favor scenario, I’d pay extra if the straight heel sticks around and watches.

andrews muscle alvito

I don’t know why, but anytime Ethan Andrews climbs into a wrestling ring, I’m desperate to see him ground into mush. It’s probably related to his mast flying at full staff with the likes of Mark Muscle and Zach Altovito standing over him.

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This shot of Jacob Van Acker having been plowed under by Z-Man (!?!) is frame-ready work of art. The sweat, the glazed over, heavily-lidded eyes, and those astonished lips just hanging there open, gives me just the right adrenaline rush to get me through the rest of this week.

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Finally, have I confessed the hard, hard crush I have on KARN before? I mean, I know if gushed about his ink, but seriously, this man can star in any one of my homoerotic wrestling fantasies any time, anywhere. Here he is after getting severely abused by Daxx Carter, who I’m positive would hang around to join in the fun with a buddy who’d like to explore every hairy inch of KARN’s wasted body.

The Best 4Hire

Wrestler4Hire has ventured into the year-end fan poll territory. They have 10 categories for you to choose from.  You can register your vote here. I’m less familiar with the full catalog at W4H, so my recommendations are likely less informed than many other W4H fans. But you know me. I always have opinions. Here are your W4H Best of 2017 choices.

Best Heel

  • Guido Genatto
  • Ronnie Pearl
  • Nick Justice
  • Dr. X
  • Jobe Zander
  • Garrett Thomas
  • Dick Rick
  • Lon Dumont

 

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I’ve seen all of these contenders in action, and of course I have my favorites. But it will likely come as no surprise to regular readers that I’m voting for Lon Dumont.

Best Jobber

  • Black Starr
  • Zach Reno
  • Cam Zagucci
  • Alex Oliver
  • Jonny Jober
  • Tyler Royce
  • Cal Bennett
  • Chet Chastain

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I have seen all of these guys, though not in 2017 W4H matches. Just going with my gut, though, I’m always a big fan of Alex Oliver. His gorgeous ass gets my vote.

Top Newcomer

  • CJ Renik
  • Joey Nux
  • Christian Thorn
  • Cali Boy
  • Scrappy
  • Jax Brewer
  • Tyler Royce
  • Marco Thunder
  • Jaxton Wheeler
  • Ricky Vegas
  • Trenton Ducati
  • Blake Starr
  • Jayden Mayne
  • Austin Tyler
  • Elite Eliot

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First of all… 15 nominations!? There’s some executive leadership needed in order to get this behemoth under control. I have not seen all of these guys (there are fucking 15 of them, after all), but I have seen most. It’s a close all for me between Marco and Elite Eliot. I’ll probably vote for Marco, though.

Favorite Ring Match

  • Ace Owens vs. Elite Eliot
  • Dashing Dustin vs. Dr. X
  • Cameron vs. Ace Owens vs. Nick Justice
  • Tyler Royce vs. Hugh Hunter
  • Cameron vs. Ty Alexander
  • Cal Bennett vs. Elite Eliot
  • Marco Thunder vs. Rendell Zebu
  • Tyler Royce vs. Cam Zagucci
  • Cal Bennett vs. Brad Barnes
  • Elite Eliot vs. Garrett Thomas
  • Nathan FX vs. Garrett Thomas
  • Cameron vs. Jonny Jobber

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I saw only a couple of these matches, so my opinion is based on incomplete data and a lot of just who I like, rather than a studied comparison of the specific matches. With that in mind, I’ll vote for Ty and Cameron.

Favorite Mat Match

  • Nathan VX vs. Cal Bennett
  • Cameron vs. Jaxton Wheeler
  • Chase LaChance vs. Black Starr
  • Jobe Zander vs. Marco Thunder
  • Cam Zagucci vs. Austin Tyler
  • Cal Bennett vs. Zacky Darlin
  • Cameron vs. Jax Brewer
  • Tyler Royce vs. Jobe Zander

Holy shit, I saw none of these matches. I’ve got nothing worthwhile to contribute to your deliberation. Just based on who I like, I’ll vote for Cameron and Jax Brewer.

Best Butt

  • Cameron
  • Chace LaChance
  • Marco Thunder
  • Braad Barnes
  • Austin Cooper
  • Z-Man
  • Jax Brewer
  • Tyler Royce
  • Cal Bennett

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I’m supposed to say company CEO Cameron, but I’m going to say Marco.

Hottest Body

  • Cal Bennett
  • Chace LaChance
  • Marco Thunder
  • Scrappy
  • Blake Starr
  • KARN
  • Austin Cooper
  • Elite Eliot
  • Braden Charron
  • Ricky Vegas

Okay, so finally I have a ton of reasonably well-informed opinions. Chace has won this title over at BG East two years ago. I’m seriously hot for Marco, Scrappy, and Eliot. But I’m voting for Marco.

Best Smile

  • Cam Zagucci
  • Matty O’Boy
  • Blake Starr
  • Cameron
  • Lane Hartley
  • Austin Cooper
  • Zacky Darlin
  • Cal Bennett
  • Marco Thunder
  • Nick Sparx

I like this category a lot. Hands down, most crotch-warming smile belongs to Blake Starr in this bunch.

Best Arms

  • Zach Altovito
  • Jax Brewer
  • Z-Man
  • Austin Cooper
  • Christian Thorn
  • KARN
  • Maverick
  • Braden Charron
  • Cal Bennett

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Another great category. Considering forearms as well as upper arms, I’m casting my vote for Jax Brewer. Fuck, I love his arms.

Future Champion

  • Garrett Thomas
  • Joey Nux
  • Ronnie Pearl
  • Jax Brewer
  • Austin Cooper
  • Marco Thunder
  • Cal Bennett
  • BradBarnes
  • Ace Owens
  • Scrappy
  • Elite Eliot

I’m not really sure how to interpret this category. Future champion of what? Does W4H have a championship in contention? Future indy pro champion material? So many questions. The validity of the question is weak, but I’ll still vote for a burning favorite wrestler here, Elite Eliot.