Cocks Named

No one ought to be surprised that it was Topher who officially earned the first “Name That…” perfect score. He’s a homoerotic wrestling connoisseur who knows his stuff! Even with housework to do and guests to entertain, he still managed to correctly name all five of the cocks in yesterday’s quiz, along with all five (six, really) opponents in the matches pictured. In addition to being quiz master for the week (should that be cock master?), Topher gets a photo of one of my tats (whether he wants it or not) and he can name the subject matter for next week’s quiz, if he likes. Let’s just review the excellent work that Topher correctly turned in…

Topher correctly identified cock #1 as belonging to…

 And specifically, this is Derek’s gorgeous cock after taking a prolonged and paradigmatically vicious ball beating at the hands of the master, Kid Vicious in BG East’s Ball Bash 1.

And as for why I would delight in discussing “deceased French philosophers” with Derek on our fantasy date (prior to a multiple submission/emission wrestling marathon back at his place), Derek’s website describes him as into post structural philosophy, along with his interests in wrestling, bondage, and safe sex. That’s one well rounded man with one profoundly inspiring body!
Cock #2, indeed, belongs to…
…BG East’s Casey Cutler.
And Casey’s aesthetically pleasing phallus is here on display for not only you and me, but also his opponent for Ringwars 3, Dick the Prick (thus, aptly named). BG East describes Casey as Wade Cutler’s  “gorgeous younger cousin,” which makes it a crying shame that we never saw the cousins go head-to-head (much less, cock-to-cock). I’ve harbored a deep, deep infatuation with Wade, but Casey took the erotic a step farther in his wrestling than his cousin ever did, and for that we (and, I’m sure, Dick the Prick) are grateful.
Topher zoomed right in on cock #3 as belonging to…
…Naked Kombat’s DJ.

And impressively, Topher managed to tease out that this beautiful uncut cock-shot comes from DJ’s masterful humiliation of Dragon, who I gave a hard time for in my review of the match because I think Dragon has a dangerously low BMI (thus I’d buy him a hamburger). DJ’s cock in the sex round is a marvel. The python is so long, it’s no wonder that every opponent he faces at one time or another delights in racking up NK points by giving it a firm tug (and often suck). But lately, 9 times out of ten, most of DJ’s opponents get to know his cock up close and personal as he first shoves it down their throats and then, after a pony ride, pounds it up their asses.

Cock #4 and its opponent appears to have given Topher the toughest challenge as belonging to…
Can-Am icon (Tom) Flex, staring down the gaping mouth of his opponent, Guy Bolton in their self-titled release.
 
 There’s something cringe-inspiring in me about this pic of Guy’s teeth looking like their about to bite into Flex’s sac. It’s not as if I blame Guy, though, for reflexively opening wide with that meat hanging inches from his mouth. On the recurring theme of what rides should be offered at a homoerotic wrestling theme park, I think oiling up a classic, naked Tom Flex and having patrons take turns in a chin-first head-scissors should rank pretty high up there.
And Topher did eventually nail down, so to speak, cock #5 and its opponents…
 …as none other than Trent Diesel sitting very pretty on top of Alex Slater, after having beat Patrick Rouge right out of the arena.
 Hot damn! There’s just nothing about Trent’s body that doesn’t rock me hard. His ass was featured in the very first Name That Ass quiz. I’m sure his tats will show up in a Name That Tat quiz. And in addition to being the reigning title holder as my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, Trent is also the inaugural and subsequently 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month. Do you get the impression that I’m a fanatic? His “tie” in his last singles match at NK still sits under my skin, but Trent’s stock, just like that absolutely picture perfect erect cock of his, continues to trend decisively upward.
Frankly, I think Topher’s accomplishment this week should signal that he needs to start his own homoerotic wrestling blog, but I’ll understand if he doesn’t. It’s a time suck, big time, and there are always critics lurking around the corner to slap you around if you get too full of yourself on your own blog. But Topher is absolutely teacher’s pet, and he deserves a hearty congratulations and a swift smack on the ass. Well done!
I’m the first in line to marvel at a ridiculously defined physique. The sight of striated muscle born of astonishingly low body fat can frequently send me into a swoon, all on its own. One need not be a competition bodybuilder to turn me on, by any means, but a hyperfit wrestler with musculature straight out of Gray’s Anatomy of the Human Body will nearly always work for me.

Newbie Naked Kombat fighter Dragon, however, gives me pause. From a distance, I think this could totally work. He’s got a washboard and nice, broad pecs. He looks handsome and hard. But up close, I’m actually a little concerned for the guy. Granted, he may be marathon runner with legitimately undetectable body fat. But I just keep thinking to myself, “This guy needs to eat more!

I’ve noted KL at the BG East Headquarters yahoo page often caution commenters from getting too catty with criticizing wrestlers’ bodies. These guys are real people with real feelings. I’d bet my bank account that more than a handful of homoerotic wrestlers have serious body image problems, even with you and me seeing them like the Greek gods they resemble. I don’t want to be catty in the least as I sit back in my armchair and comment on Dragon’s physique. But I just have to say, this guy looks unhealthily skinny.

He says at the beginning of his match with DJ in this week’s NK release that he’s 5’10” and 135 pounds. I’m no physiologist, but a quick look at a BMI calculator says that Dragon is just barely over top of the “underweight” category (and I’d venture that he may be exaggerating his weight). Perhaps he’s still in a healthy range, clinically speaking. But he looks too damn skinny!

In Dragon’s match with Mr. Franchise, DJ, I seriously worry that the poor rookie is going to get snapped in half. It takes a lot to make DJ look like anything other than a (hot) skinny little scrapper himself, but relatively speaking, DJ’s looking like a big, bad bully face-to-face with his somewhat freakishly skin-and-bones opponent. Dragon works hard, but this is unsurprisingly a squash. Not to spoil things too, too much, but the rookie doesn’t make it out of single digits in “NK Points.” To be fair, I didn’t watch the whole match, so there may be more there than I’m giving it credit for. But frankly, I couldn’t watch the whole thing. I had to fast forward when I found myself tempted to look up interventions for anorexics. It made me uncomfortable. When DJ climbed on for his victory lap pony ride, I found myself gritting my teeth, hoping that Dragon’s pipe cleaner arms could bear the weight.

I’ll bet Dragon is 110% up someone’s alley out there, and both for you and for him I’m completely supportive of what it is that gets your blood pumping. But… (and I sincerely hope that I’m not sounding too catty)… please, please, feed this sincere little scrapper some more carbs, have him put on another 20 pounds of muscle and 5 or 10 pounds of unashamed fat, and then send him back out for another go. As is, he’s just too damn skinny to make me anything but patronizingly worried about his health, and this doesn’t make me proud to admit it.
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