Gio Benitez – Page 2 – Sidelineland

PSA – Newsboy Challenge

May 29, 2014 wrestlebard9 Comments

gio4 — Upshot of Gio Benitez gargantuan pecs as he works out his bulging body in preparation for the biggest competition of his young career.

After I swooned over every captured still of Gio Benitez muscling his way through the surf on Good Morning America on Tuesday, several of you let me know you’re with me. Turns out, a random Twitterer’s mind went to the exact same place mine did: evaluating how pumped Gio compares with Italian Stallion Chris Cuomo:

Fuck and yes! I love that Cuomo, who is a notorious muscle stud, gets called out publicly on behalf of the young pup Gio. Of course, when I read, “the competition is heating up,” I’m picturing muscles soaked in oil, gym bodies stripped to speedos, and a brutal beefcake beach battle of balls out homoerotic wrestling. Now that Chris is on a competing morning show at CNN, I wasn’t sure if he’d even be allowed by corporate to acknowledge that Gio exists. Well, apparently he is, and he did:

See what he did there? Chris feints with self-depracating praise, then slips in that Gio is a novice compared to the veteran newsboy. And just to drive home the point of who would win the “competition,” Cuomo points out emphatically that Gio is a fucking lightweight compared to him. Competition? I’d squash that anklebiter like a fucking bug! Sweet, I thought. But no way Gio’s handlers would let him dip his toes into the newsboy trash talk pool, right? Wrong:

Baby beefcake Benitez climbs into the ring like an upright, earnest babyface, giving his props to the well-known muscle monster Cuomo. Aw, shucks, I’m just honored to be in the same Tweet.

cuomo24 — On his most recent shirtless fishing expedition, Chris Cuomo’s physique is ripped like never before!

Let’s recap. 43 year old, 6’2″ dynasty spare Chris Cuomo not only periodically and cruelly teases muscle fans with his shirtless fishing exploits, he also writes a column for Men’s Health and is currently video documenting a provocatively named kick ass workout regime with multiple clips of him pumped, sweaty, and working his giant body with a hot, handsome stud trainer barking in his ear. Cuomo says his ideal weight is 210 pounds of rock hard mountainous muscle. He says that he isn’t an MMA boy, but he’ll “try a 5-minute fighting circuit to disturb my metabolism.” I know of a lot of opponents who’d give a left nut to be on that circuit!

gio5 — Babyface beefcake Gio Benitez has youth and dimples on his side of the equation.

I haven’t uncovered any guesses about Gio Benitez’ height or weight, so I’m totally making this shit up when I say he’s 5’10” and a ripped 185 pounds. He turned 28 about 7 months ago. His official ABC bio says that he’s fluent in English and Spanish, and was the first journalist to shoot a segment entirely on iPhone, which is pretty much crap info when you consider that they’ve left out his vital statistics like chest and bicep measurements. His Instagram suggests that the boy wonder likes muscle tees and completely unbuttoned polos, form-fitted to his mammoth pecs and struggling to contain his bulging biceps. He’s not nearly as smooth and confident on camera as Cuomo, but he’s come a long way since his GMA debut about a year ago. Unlike Cuomo’s omnipresent naked torso, and despite his most obvious assets, ABC has yet to unleash full-on Gio shirtlessness. I assume they’re waiting for a desperate sweeps week.

cuomo23 — In the pre-match pose-off, Chris shows off his big, beautiful biceps.

gio7 — “Nice biceps, man,” Gio replies before flexing his own veiny peaks right back. “What do you think of these?”

I say liberally baby oiled beach wrestling in South Beach, Chris in a speedo and Gio wearing a posing strap. Entirely televised by both CNN and ABC, with special referee weatherman-turned-celebrity gossip monger Rob Marciano. What are the highlights of that action and who wins? You make the call in the comments.

cuomo25 — Chris Cuomo gets ripped like never before The Hardway. He may be 15 years older, but his conditioning is out of this world right now!

gio6 — Adorable good guy Gio plays is cool, but the straining fabric stretched to the limit across his luscious nips and not-even-flexed upper arms speak volumes. This kid is fully equipped to do damage!

PSA – Gio Benetiz Gets Wet

May 27, 2014 wrestlebard9 Comments

In the interest of public safety, I’m afraid that Gio Benitez has to re-shoot this segment for Good Morning America. I know that I’m not alone in being unconvinced by his demonstration of the dangers of rip tides. That shirt and those baggy trunks he’s wearing were clearly weighing him down as he swam in the surf, exaggerating the threat of a rip tide. If Gio had done this segment shirtless and in more modest trunks, I feel confident he’d have muscled his way right through that rip tide without breaking a sweat. I, for one, refuse to believe in the dangers of rip tides until Gio Benitez goes back to south Florida, strips down (in HD slow motion) to nothing but a tiny speedo, and does this entire demonstration all over again. If Gio truly cares about public safety, he will make this happen, and he’ll send me photos of him flexing those gargantuan biceps, bouncing those juicy pecs, and I’d pay double for an extended video of him bearhugging that hottie lifeguard who, let’s face it, despite acknowledging how much of “a grown man” Gio is, still questions Gio’s masculinity by “rescuing” him. Then, when Lara Spencer clucks, “and speaking of ripped!” about Gio’s hot body at the end of the segment, it’ll really mean something.

gio9 — This is the angle that catches my eye! This extremely fleeting glimpse of Gio’s bubble butt is catapulting him ahead of so many other newsboy crushes I’ve had.

gio1 — Nothing quite a tasty marinated, salted beef!

gio3 — Gio jumps waves, making his huge pecs bounce.

gio2 — GMA host finishes the segment by purring, “…and speaking of ripped!” Gio rips off his coat and shirt, lathers himself with oil, and delivers a 3 minute muscle posing session*.

*Events and dialogue reported here may not exactly conform to what actually happened.

Throwback Thursday

March 20, 2014 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Never one to fail to jump on a bandwagon, my thoughts this Thursday are turned backward for a “Throwback Thursday” life review. As I approach the 5th anniversary (!!!?) of neverland, it strikes me often how time can be warped in my memory as I reflect on what I’ve posted here over the years. Some things I swear that I’ve harped on over and over, but when I do a systematic search, I discover I’ve perhaps mentioned just once in passing. Some things I think I’ve never, ever said, I discover (not infrequently pointed out by a reader) I’ve most definitely put into print. So today is a trip down memory lane, digging like a geologist into the strata of the years to consider what March 20 has meant in the life of neverland.

rhw3way — RHW came along less than a year after neverland.

My first March 20th post was 4 years ago today, and I was remarking on the still nascent offerings of Rock Hard Wrestling. Specifically, I reviewed RHW’s double match release of Brody Hancock v Cameron Davis as a double-header along with Brody & Shawn Lawson double-teaming (does that make it a quadruple-header?) imminently deserving Zack Johnathan. Back than I was full of critique and advice, probably a little too heavy handed with the wisdom. Time has taught me a little more humility, I think. I hope. In any case, I still say Brody’s double-layered trunks (does that make it an octuple-header?) was a buzz kill and wrestling for gay eyes should use at least 1/3 less fabric in constructing ring gear than straight-up mainstream pro. I haven’t posted on RHW in a while, after covering their releases pretty extensively years ago. Not sure why.

butt3 — I could stare at Tyrell Tomsen’s ass for weeks at a time!

A year leader, in 2011 I was playing Name That Ass, a game that I probably found a lot more fun that readers did. Then again, some of you played along, and even Queer Me Now covered the genre. And seriously now, what’s not to love about studying in exquisite detail finely crafted homoerotic wrestling asses? The asses teased in that March 20th post were, in order, Tyrell Tomsen, multiple best butt award winner Kid Karisma, Mark Wolff, John Magnum, and Coupe. No one posted a perfect score in that round. Perhaps I need to pull Name That Ass out of mothballs to give you more practice.

March 20, 2012 was a Bodies-Over-Time focus on the stunningly evolving body of BG East’s Charlie Panther. I’d just seen his newest release at the time, absolutely defining a squash against Tim Messina in Pros in Private 9 and earning the homoerotic wrestler of the month title around these parts. Homoerotic wrestlers of the month have continued to be a theme since I started handing them out, and Charlie was a most excellent entry into the HWOTM hall of fame. At some point, I should do some soul searching about what subsequent HWOTM say about me and my evolving/stagnating tastes.

gio — These could easily become the most trusted, not to mention gargantuan biceps in news!

Interestingly, last year on this date, I didn’t post at all. This was in the middle of a several-week drought, which happens not too infrequently around these parts. The nearest post was the day before, when I was resurrecting a theme that has possessed these pages since THE VERY BEGINNING, namely, Chris Cuomo and the need for more hotly muscled skin in the news. Specifically, I was extremely excited by the prospect of massively muscled Latino pretty boy Gio Benitez joining the reporting pool at GMA. GMA has yet to truly capitalize on the sheer magnetism of Gio’s mammoth pecs, but I still get a little giddy when I see him on air. I’m quite certain you will continue to read more about my ongoing obsession with new hunks.

It’s an interesting core sampling of what has made neverland hold my attention over the years, looking back at this date in history. Some things change. Some things stay the same (including periods of radio silence as life distracts me from what’s really important, homoerotic wrestling). And, as always, I just follow my fanaticism for the homoeroticism of wrestling where it takes me.

Pop News Break

October 16, 2013 wrestlebard2 Comments

I haven’t been writing much about it, but that doesn’t mean that my perverse (look it up, it doesn’t mean what you’re thinking) imagination keeps transporting icons and contenders of straightforward popular culture into a hardcore homoerotic wrestling universe. I keep waiting, with baited breath, for ABC to contrive the perfect scenario for muscleboy extraordinaire, Gio Benitez, to go shirtless and flex those luscious pecs. That moment will, I predict, drag my tired ass out of my sabbatical from writing in the Producer’s Ring series for a new installment in the News Boys.

gio — ABC News needs to unleash this beast!

Other hunks on the “pop” side of the news, however, have been stroking that portion of their audience hungry for beefcake, reminding me about some of the body beautiful boys who have starred in my homoerotic wrestling fantasies and, by all appearances, are staying in shape should their wrestling prowess come into question once again.

Zac Efron has been accused of looking too pretty. Too polished. I say that’s the perfect character to encounter a nasty ass heel who wants nothing but to eat pretty for lunch. That explains, I’m certain, the fictional homoerotic wrestling scenario I wrote starring the blue-eyed pretty boy, Zac, squaring off against Scottish sexpot James McAvoy in a gay bathhouse fight pit in my wrestling series Producer’s Ring. For those who haven’t read my Focus Group work, you may not know that I worship James McAvoy. I write him vicious and bloodthirsty and wrestling kinked like a sailor’s knot. Little wonder that he face-plants Zac’s mug into the mat, breaks his button nose, and then pistons off 2 massive cum shots across the babyface’s bloodied face. Holy fuck. Good times.

zac efron nude that awkward moment — I don’t want to know. I don’t need to know (much less see the movie).

So the prettyboy is back in pop news starring in a (soon to be released? just out? straight to video?) comedy called Neighbors. He’s also showing his spankable prettyboy ass in a trailer for yet another movie called That Awkward Moment. There’s no denying the kid has put on muscle, and a little fur on the pecs makes me willing to look past the powder blue eyes and made-for(by)-Hollywood nose. But if I do ever come off of sabbatical for the Producer’s Ring, Zac is looking way, way too pretty to think he’ll fair any better in his sophomore match.

Jerry O'Connell shirtless we are men — Fat kid’s revenge: Jerry O’Connell sexes up the place.

Another pop hunk object of my homoerotic wrestling lust, Jerry O’Connell has also been exposed in a new television series that, in the time it took me to write this post, has already been cancelled. This is a sadness, I think, because I could stare are Jerry’s speedo pouch for the duration of an 8-hour miniseries if given the opportunity. It was obsessing over him in Sliders, however, that propelled him to claw his way into the Producer’s Ring universe and find himself in a ring wrestling match full of surprises against another one of my raging obsessions from way back (yes, I’m talking Popular), Christopher Gorham.

christopher gorham shirtless covert affairs — I’ve got dirty laundry that needs a washboard!

Gorham, who’s also consistently showing skin (and a fucking insane 8-pack!) in Covert Affairs shows up to his match (in my imagination) with Jerry with a plan ready to orchestrate. It involves Jerry’s wife, his brother, and a hypnotically magical kiss (not to mention Christopher’s raging erection pressed against Jerry’s body as he milks out the last ounces of a body scissors submission).

Yep, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I have a one track mind, and I’m okay with that. Whether its my newsboys, my movie stars, or my television hunks, the ones that catch my attention are the ones that I can’t help but picture stripped down and oiled up for a homoerotic wrestling match!

Picking Up the Remote

March 19, 2013July 1, 2013 wrestlebard6 Comments

Within the context of the news that one of my favorite newsboys, Chris Cuomo, has been successfully wooed away from ABC by CNN to headline his own morning news program, ABC quietly brought on board a new correspondent a couple of months ago.

Luscious Latino stud Gio Benitez looks hungry for success.

Gio Benitez joins the Good Morning America crew after his recent migration north from Miami. My instant reaction to young Gio was, “hola!” The Latino stud is handsome as hell. He’s got a mouthful of teeth, sporting a smile bigger than most (not hating here, mind you… not at all). Gio has a strong wiff of fratboy hottiness about him, mixed in with an unmistakable “aw shucks” quality that shines through the impeccably tailored suit he wears to increase his network news cred, unmistakably revealing he’s just fucking thrilled to have landed this shot at the big leagues. I liked him instantly. I thought immediately that he well could earn an appearance in a homoerotic wrestling fantasy, perhaps teaming up with fellow GMA correspondent and frequent object of my lust, Matt Gutman. It’s hard to judge, when I only get to see a stud from the waist up as Gio typically reports sitting at the GMA desk or, when in the field in a head-and-shoulders framed shot, but sure, I’d almost definitely like to see someone like Gutman jump this rookie from behind and rip off the suit and tie to reveal what the fresh meat carries underneath.

There’s no mistaking it: Gio’s bulging!

Then a couple of weeks ago, something caught my eye when I was lustfully fantasizing in the middle of one of Gio’s morning reports. Damn, that suit is tailored all to hell, and fuck me if those aren’t some serious pythons coiled up inside those sleeves! Of course, you know me. I can let my imagination run a little wild at times (aka, always). I can picture a stone-carved hunk of mouthwatering meat with just a single button undone to reveal the barest glimpse of pec cleavage. But there was something about the way Gio sat at the GMA desk, something about those obviously packed shirt sleeves and an unmistakable bulge at the shoulders. Is this yet another example of my imagination running away with me, or is Gio Benitez an undercover muscleman!? A little internet digging and bingo!

This shot alone makes me ready to move to Miami!

Holy shit. I mean, holy… fucking… shit. This kid is a side of beef! I get absolutely nothing in my treasure hunt for a shirtless shot ($10 to anyone who’s got nip sightings on lovely Gio). But some sleeveless t-shirt shots show seriously nice, thick biceps and big, round shoulders of a pump-junkie gym bunny!

Gio’s prominent nips are begging to debut!

Already there’s online speculation about Gio’s sexual orientation, because yeah, that’s what we do. Personally, I’m holding out hope that Matt Gutman’s recent assignments reporting from Miami led to a torrid love affair with a certain Cuban powerbottom and subsequently the inside track on a major league job promotion. True story or not, I’m helpless to stop the barrage of images stroking my imagination featuring Gio’s powerfully sculpted pecs bouncing as he climbs through the ropes alongside his new newsboy tag team partner, Mattie too-hot-to-handle Gutman. Talk about a power couple! The old guard on the newsboy beat better get their tired asses to the gym, because there are a couple of new kids on the newsboy block that I absolutely cannot take my eyes off of!

That physique is made to deliver a newsboy beatdown!

Speaking of which, this countermove by ABC to position an insanely sexy rookie newsboy with biceps way thicker than George Stephanopoulos’ neck into my morning routine moments before Chris Cuomo goes live on CNN with his own morning show is undeniable genius. I’m almost paralyzed by the win-win choice of GMA vs. yet-to-be-named Cuomo morning vehicle. A no-holds-barred pro wrestling match between Gio and Chris would certainly settle things for me (and don’t think that isn’t playing itself out in my imagination soon!). However, short of that ideal scenario, let me just clarify for the powers that be that the owner of my loyalties will almost certainly be the network that manages to contrive the more creative ways to maneuver their meat in front of the camera wearing as little as possible.

Beat it goofy! That upper body is mine to fondle!

I haven’t been this turned on over my morning cup of tea in far too long. Summer’s coming soon. I think it’s about time for a GMA correspondent swim suit fashion show! Sincerely, welcome to my homoerotic wrestling fantasies, Gio Benitez!

Wanna wrestle, Gio? Call me!

And word to the wise, Mr. Cuomo: this rook looks like he could very well have pecs to rival even your mouthwatering mounds of muscle. Knock out another set at the bench press and start practicing your pec claws, because this beautiful specimen could very well be more than you can handle!