A Blue Christmas

Chris Wragge on his way out at The Early Show
Why do morning television news producers hate me so? My extra blood pump in the morning is getting rarer by the day. It started with Chris Cuomo getting booted from Good Morning America almost exactly two years ago. Things brightened up last January when The Early Show brought hunky Chris Wragge to the anchor desk, but again, the Christmas season is bringing tragic news for my daily dose of hunky newsmen. Wragge is being benched and replaced by two cold showers.

Carter Evans – the most recent evidence that news producers hate me.

And now I’ve learned that Carter Evans, the real anchor of my hunk lust morning routine, is leaving his morning market report to follow his prego wife who’s just got a new job in L.A. I don’t know what Carter’s plans are, but apparently they don’t involve appearing on my television screen every morning.

Matt Gutman – my last, best hope

The slim bright spot and ray of hope is that Good Morning America is tapping hairy chested hunk Matt Gutman with increasing frequency as a correspondent.  Matt is ripe for the picking, as far as I’m concerned. I think I’m due for a little good news from the traitorous bastards at ABC News who sent Chris Cuomo to Siberia (aka, 20/20). Matt Gutman needs to be tapped for an on-air desk job on GMA.

The Gutman – ready to get the call to the Big Show

Please, picture The Gutman with his shirt unbuttoned halfway down his hot, hairy chest, which is his standard operating procedure as a correspondent. Those dimples, the strong arms, and that aforementioned hairy chest as regular news reader on GMA would be golden, I tell you. Who wouldn’t want to tune in to see this man flashing that sexy smile on a regular basis? WHO?!

Matt Gutman is fully committed to delivering the news.
Sure, Chris Cuomo is willing to work a wet t-shirt, fish shirtless, and wear muscle-hugging spandex as a triathlete. And no doubt, Chris Wragge made a desperate bid to stave off the axe by doing his own behind-the-scenes ironman self-expose. But in The Gutman, we have a new hunk who, in the interest of informing the public, is ready to strip down to a towel while covering a story. He’s got an international resume. He was harassed by big oil as he bravely covered the Gulf Spill with seemingly fewer and fewer buttons needing buttoned with each broadcast. He showed off that broad, meaty, hairy chest of his covering the soft news of extreme diving.  The Gutman is versatile (which I love in a man), sharp as a whip (which I love even more), and already starring in my homoerotic wrestling imagination.
I have no idea if this is actually The Gutman, but this provocative shot
is out there and attributed to him… and it works for me.
The morning news landscape is getting downright desolate. I’m bitter and disillusioned. I’m perfectly poised to be captured by a new vision of sexy news with brown eyes, dark curly hair, fit body and coverboy dimples. In the mean time, when it comes to my morning routine, it’s a blue, blue Christmas for me.

One thought on “A Blue Christmas

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