Wednesday’s Woes

I’m entirely on board with the erotic power of a tree of woe. The ToW is an example of how some homoerotic wrestling gems simply require a professional wrestling ring.  Hang a hammered hunk upside down in the corner, his knees draped over the top ropes and his feet locked in place beneath the cable connecting the turnbuckle to the post, and there’s all sorts of a hot wrestling gold that’s suddenly ripe for picking. It’s a maneuver that signals total control over a mastered man. The subject of woe is laid out so vulnerably, his body not just on display, but trussed up beautifully for easy access to innovative methods of torture.  There’s a little crossover here between bondage kink and wrestling kink, with enough of both to show due respect to all parties involved, as far as I’m concerned.  In honor of those of you who harbor a special place in your hearts and crotches for an agonizing, dominating, body manipulating tree of woe (and I hear from you often), this post is for you.  Here are 10 ideas for what to do with an opponent once you’ve trapped him in a tree of woe.

jpwoe
Climb on top, knee crushing his balls, and celebrate like Brooklyn Bodywrecker.
coltonwoe
When finding yourself out-boxed, hang the fucker upside down and peel off his gloves to make this all about homoerotic wrestling, like Brodie Fisher.
diegowoe
Grab a dumbbell and bash your opponent’s six-pack abs, like Eli Black.
bobbywoe
Duck outside the ring and wrench the trapped fucker’s head backward, like Cameron Matthews.
lonwoe
Stop on his flowing locks and dare the muscleboy to squirm, like Ethan Andrews.
kylewoe
Stand outside the ring and threaten to rip his arms out at the shoulder, like Alex Waters.
austinwoe
Make sure his trunks are hooked on the turnbuckle and slipping off, then land a soaring drop kick to the helpless stud’s gut, like Jonny Firestorm.
shanewoe
Sit on his face, like the Brooklyn Bodywrecker.
jonnywoe
Pause and appreciate the view – and feel – like Jarret Cole.
kevinwoe
That’s right, a Tree of Woe/Bearhug/Headscissors combination, nice and snug in the crushing embrace of Cole Cassidy!

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