Wet Newsmen

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I often think the producers at Good Morning America are geniuses. For example, they cast such epic hunks as Chris Cuomo as regulars, David Muir as substitutes, and smoking hot Matt Gutman and Gio Benitez as correspondents. Then there are moments when I’m convinced they are irredeemable morons, like when they passed over Cuomo to give George Stephanopoulos the anchor chair, and then again, last Friday, when they scheduled the entire on-air crew to do the ice bucket challenge on a day when Gio Benitez was not on set!

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For those just tuning in or paying woefully inadequate attention, Gio is one of the rising young stars in mainstream news media, propelled in no large part by the strain of the seams of his suit coats due to his massively bulging biceps. I mean, the kid is huge. I’m pretty sure we’ve never seen him directly adjacent to George because the handsome Greek would look like a 4 year old in comparison. The on-air personalities have been picking up on Gio’s obvious assets, such as when the women were fanning themselves after Gio’s segment on surviving rip tides, in which he poured himself into a skin tight water-t and board shorts. When Gio announced yesterday that he would be doing his own ice bucket challenge, they all chimed in by pointing out that they’ve frequently seen the challenge conducted shirtless, wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

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Gio did, indeed, permit himself to be doused in ice water, and you know for a fact I was studying that slice of heaven frame by frame for hours on end. The bodybuilding rookie made the fashion faux pas of wearing an albeit extremely tight but knit button up shirt. If you are unclear why this is a faux pas, go back to last Friday’s assessment of David Muir’s more seasoned and perfected ice bucket challenge, in which he wore a thin, white button up that instantly became transparent before water even managed to touch it.  Gio’s pastel green knit shirt remains stubbornly opaque, though it does instantly suck to his bulges and crevices alluringly. However, again, the rookie insists on pulling the soaked fabric away from his body, refusing to permit an unadulterated view of the topography in relief beneath.  Silly rookie.  Still, nothing can quite disguise those mountainous pecs (though there was something even more erotic about David’s nipples on full display), and check out the lat spread when Gio twists around! Holy shit, that back is massive! Honestly, a wrestling opponent would have to cinch on a bearhug seriously low, because most arms would simply not be able to reach around that circumference. And until that beef is stripped and standing toe to toe in a wrestling ring, the fullest potential of phenomenal Gio is going to go unrealized.  Speaking of which…

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last my imagination had hold of them, Gio and David Muir were locked in an increasingly bitter wrestling tussle. You may remember it started all friendly like, but when Gio decides to try to rip David’s balls off, things get ugly. The savvy veteran manages to not only escape the cock and ball torture, but slaps the bulging newsboy down across his thigh in an OTK backbreaker, sliding his hand inside Gio’s trunks to start crushing the hunk’s balls in retribution. “Oh, fuck!” the junior newsboy shouts in pain. David’s hand squeezes and pulses furiously beneath the taught fabric, playing his colleague viciously. The kid’s big, thick pecs get an appreciative stroke from the senior anchor with his free hand. So much newsboy to get a hold of. Abruptly, David rises to his feet, unceremoniously rolling his opponent off his knee. He places his right foot in the middle of Gio’s wide back, shoving the rookie down to his face when he tries to lift himself up to his hands and knees. David lifts his arms and flexes his biceps, posing for nothing but the deep satisfaction it gives to preen and strut over top of the upstart muscle correspondent. “Stay down, fucker,” David snaps.  Gio disobeys, twisting to his side and grabbing his opponent by the ankle.  He sweeps David’s leg out from underneath him, dropping the senior anchor to his ass. The rookie launches himself on top of him, but David rolls to the side, letting his opponent’s momentum carry them over until it’s the senior anchor mounted on top in a schoolboy pin. Gio furiously struggles to unseat him, but David swiftly scoots forward, straddling Gio’s head.  He rolls to his side while lacing his legs together, dragging his colleague over with him until Gio’s head is trapped in a deep face-to-crotch figure-4. David grabs hold of the youngster’s hair and pulls Gio’s face hard against his swelling bulge. “That’s the smell of second place, kid,” David crows in his deep baritone. “Get used to it.”

That’s how I see it playing out, at least…

Muscle Newsbreak

The race to titillate consumers of news with hotly muscled newsboys seems an ill-kept secret. I suspect we have been socially programmed to find men with baritone voices as the most trustworthy sources of information, and I know for a fact we are profoundly socialized to prefer pretty, fit people, even when the context of their beauty is meaningless to their function. So having big, juicy pecs and peaked biceps that strains the seems of your shirt sleeves has no bearing on the validity or importance of the news they deliver, and yet it’s no accident that news media are dominated by such hot, sexy hunks.  It’s also no accident that these hunky journalists work it hard. And as a result, it should come as no surprise at all that they inspire an imaginative homoerotic wrestling kink consumer like me to fantasize about throwing their fine asses into a wrestling ring and watching the upright studs go from earnestly selling trustworthiness to all-in erotic professional wrestling.  And they keep fueling my fantasies with hot muscle teases.

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Chris Wragge flexes in a wet t-shirt.

For example, take a hunky, 6’3″ news anchor with thick, hot pecs who douses himself in ice cold water to show off his physique in a wet t-shirt for charity. Of course, the bitter cold makes him “involuntarily”‘ flex his hot body. Chris Wragge is bringing awareness to something, but I don’t think it’s primarily ALS. Not that I’m complaining.

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David Muir flexes in a black polo.

Studpuppy on the rise David Muir has just recently planted his hot ass in the anchor’s chair of ABC Nightly News, propelled I’m sure in part by the compelling work he does such as when he spotlighted an African American ballet dancer a few days ago. Apropos of nothing, he chatted with her in the summer sunshine, showing off his tan in a short sleeve black polo. His arms stay bent the entire time, coincidentally showing off his meaty biceps. And when the camera catches him just right in profile, check out his perky pecs bulging to sweetly.

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Hot anchorman pecs!

Online commenters have noted the chemistry between David and rising star correspondent Gio Benitez, who’s been a major infatuation of mine lately. Gio gets fluff pieces like being sent to interview the ankle biter with a dearth of humility who charmed everyone (but me) by prattling on on live television news about a week ago.  However, Gio makes more than the most of this nonsense by wearing a supertight yellow button up shirt that shows off his gorgeously bulging torso. The seams on his shirtsleeves deserve an award for managing to hold as he bends his arm to hold the microphone in front of the kid’s face, coincidentally flexing his bicep for the camera. At one point he looks put out having to squat low (was it a leg-day, Gio?) to get down on the rugrat’s level, and as he leans forward the buttons down the front of his shirt nearly pop open, giving a half a dozen glimpses of the hot mass flexing underneath. The repeatedly interrupted toss back to  the anchor’s desk totally screws with David Muir who keeps thinking the piece is over.

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Gio Benitez flexes in a supertight yellow button-up.

The gentle pranking between Benitez and Muir makes me picture the two of them sparring in the ring good-naturedly, muscle hunk Gio taunting and teasing the upperclassmen star anchor desk quarterback. Gio dominates an initial test of strength, powering David submissively to his knees. David battles back to his feet, not about to be humiliated by the freshman, and breaks the hold with a kick to Gio’s lower abs. They laugh off the physical tension building between them as step back, give nods of respect, and then lock up again. Gio quickly hip tosses David to his back and drops an elbow across the handsome hunk’s sternum. David struggles to reinflate his lungs, but still manages to suddenly snap his long legs around Gio’s head and squeeze some hot, painful grunts from the youngster. The tanned Muir flexes his hot thighs as they bulge around his opponent’s skull for half a minute, until the youngster gathers his wits and kicks free.  They laugh good-naturedly again, but there’s more wariness, more caution, more ego just beneath the surface. They lock up again, but Gio quickly snaps his gargantuan right arm around David’s head and cranks hard, dragging the side of the Muir’s handsome face across Gio’s ridged obliques. Smoothly, the veteran counters, slipping free and wrenching that massive right arm of Gio’s behind his back in a hammerlock, making the kid defensively rise to the balls of his feet and gasp in pain, his meaty pecs bouncing. David quickly transitions to a headlock, and instantly follows with a hip toss, holding onto Gio’s head as they slam to the mat.  David presses hard, shoving the kid’s face into his right pec. Gio attempts to kick free, but his skull is wedged way too tight. He’s seeing stars with the pressure bearing down on his temples. He pushes at David’s side, trying to force a break, but the headlock is cinched in like a vice. David taunts the kid a little, leaving it unclear whether it’s good natured teasing or some alpha dog psych out. Apparently Gio takes it the wrong way, because his right hand abruptly locks onto David’s balls through the fabric of his trunks.  The anchorman screams and falls to his back, his hands instinctively stretching down to gently, pleadingly cover Gio’s claw. The muscle kid crawls up to his knees and pulls upward, dragging David’s throbbing hips off the mat by the crushing claw locked onto his testicles. Gio crawls across David’s body, facing his opponent’s feet and still holding the claw tightly, now squatting across the anchorman’s upper chest. Slowly he sits down, his big, hard glutes settling smotheringly across Muir’s sputtering mouth. Gio leans back farther, making David bridge higher into the air, a scream of angry protest muffled beneath Gio’s bubble butt.

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Newsboy powercouple.

At least, that’s where my mind goes…

Making the News Bearable

The news these days is downright shitty. Murder and massacre and war, and the NRA screaming how the answer is more guns. Dumb shits.  On the other hand, to help the bitter pill of today’s news go down just a little easier, news producers are serving up some distractingly sexy newsboys. Regular readers know my infatuation with newsboy hunks. I complete the circuitry of my fondest infatuations by persistently picturing the choicest journalistic meat going pec to pec in scorching hot homoerotic wrestling scenarios. But even if you don’t watch televised news and instantly think, “now that stud needs to star in a rip, strip and fuckstakes wrestling match!,” you can’t deny that there’s some pleasing eye candy to numb the horrors of the world of news today.  Take, for example, my growing infatuation with insanely hunky young newsboy Gio Benitez over at ABC.

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Gio Benitez fuels those massive muscles. Look at that upper arm!

There’s a reason this smolderingly sexy, massively bulging beauty appears in People Magazine’s recent 100 Hottest Bachelor’s countdown. He’s featured regularly for special reports on Good Morning America and that fine bubble butt graces the guest reporter chair on World News with some regularity.

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I’ve been offering a bounty for the first photograph made publicly available of gym bunny Gio shirtless, because we’ve seen more than enough shots of his gargantuan pecs barely contained within the fabric of V-neck, skin tight shirts. A couple of months ago, Gio himself posted a group shot of him hanging with a bunch of friends at the park, and (cue the choir of heavenly angels) Gio’s bulging torso is bare.  Holy Mary mother of God that body does NOT disappoint!  The shoulder, the veiny bulging bicep, the slabs of beef that are his pecs, and look at his six-pack singing like the Sirens!  My life will remain woefully incomplete unless I someday see that smoking hot muscle bod crushing some ridiculously lucky hunk in a feet-off-the-floor bearhug.  For starters, I nominate the similarly ripped red-headed fitness model posed in perfect symmetry to hunky Gio.

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I offered a bounty to the first person to get me a pic of Gio shirtless. Since it was Gio who posted this, he can name anything (anything) he’d like from me.
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Hell yes look at that body! Get this newsboy in a ring!

Personally, I’ve convinced myself that Gio’s right hand his stretch far enough behind the chick between them for him to slip his fingers down the back of red-head’s shorts and, at the moment this pic is snapped, take a long, juicy squeeze.  There’s going to never be enough Gio hotness to soak in, so here are a couple more shots of the only guns that have a snowball’s chance in hell of bringing about world peace.

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Potential to be a cocky son of a bitch.
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Gio contemplates who needs to get squeezed between those gargantuan thighs of his.

So, definitely let’s see Gio and the red-headed scorcher in the ring, and once Gio has made that lucky stud lick his nips in submission, I’ve got more newsboy beefcakes for him to face next.

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You’ve seen this classic Chris Cuomo shirtless fishing pic before. It’s worth another look.

I believe the keyword “Chris” remains the one used with most frequency throughout the history of this blog, and major league stud puppy Chris Cuomo gets most of the credit for that.  Years ago he posted shirtless fishing shots that revealed to the world just how much Italian meat you can hang off of a 6’3″ body.  Since then, Chris left Good Morning America (I’m still bitter), and finally left ABC all together and now anchors his own morning show on CNN.  He’s also launched a partnership with Men’s Fitness in order to satisfy my fans’ infatuation with his gorgeous body. For clearly being someone who loves his body and doesn’t mind flexing his muscles for our adoration, there’ve been precious few follow-ups to his early iconic shirtless fishing pics.  Recently on summer vacation, however, we’ve been treated to a couple of more.

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Look at the muscles! He’s still got it.
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And flaunts it.

Despite the fish placement, I’d say little bro Cuomo is looking as hot and sexy as ever. I tend to give age and experience an edge in homoerotic wrestling quarters, but I honestly don’t know who I think would win if Chris and Gio threw down.  One way or another, Cuomo’s curly hair would definitely be used to drag his fine ass around the ring by the network newbie.  Here’s another shot of Chris flexing his big guns subtly in Brazil for the World Cup.  Sure, he’s begin all ballsy at the moment roaming the Ukrainian rebel-held territory and chatting up self-appointed “prime ministers,” but I think his work in Brazil (in tight polos) is his best recent work.

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Like Chris Cuomo flexing a bicep in a hot, tight blue polo? Thumbs up!

Does Cuomo know why many of us keep track of him and make his name the #1 keyword on our blogs?  I can’t say with certainty. His ongoing devotion to his muscle development, however makes me think he understand his asset ledger pretty well.  And if this shot of one of his fans crawling up between his legs to gnaw on his bone is any indication (yes, this is an actual shot of Chris), I’d say shirtless fishing and bone sucking innuendo suggest he knows why some of us can still handle following the horrific news of the day.

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Some lucky bitch gets to crawl up between his thighs and gnaw on that mouthful of a bone. I’m next.

And speaking of newsboys crotch shots, I wasn’t the only one who popped my cork when ABC sent their other power hitter hunk reporter to be one of the first to experience “the world’s tallest water slide.”  Neverland reader Uzzie sent me his caps of the segment in which deliriously handsome Matt Gutman gave us the perspective that all of us would like to experience firsthand, sliding camera between his legs for an up-crotchshot of him screaming and getting soaking wet.

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Of course this piece requires seeing Matt Gutman pull his shirt up and show off his hot, lean, hairy torso.

 

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The ideal Matt Gutman piece also requires him to spread his legs wide so he can slide a camera in to give you a picture of what it looks like to be in a Gutman face-to-crotch head scissors.
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Matt calls this his “Verrukt” face.

So in summary, the news sucks, but it helps if you can just picture yourself sucking a newsboy hunk. I’d stack these three particular fantasy men in order of muscles this way: Gio, Chris, Matt. Since the idea of stacking them is turning me on, let me further say I’d stack them in order of raw sexiness this way: Matt, Gio, Chris. When it comes to wrestling fantasies, the possibilities are endless. What do leading man good looks and rocking hard muscles have to do with news? Nothing. Which, considering the news these days, seems like a genius strategy.

PSA – Newsboy Challenge

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Upshot of Gio Benitez gargantuan pecs as he works out his bulging body in preparation for the biggest competition of his young career.
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The competition: 15 years his senior, towering mass of Italian beefsteak, hard, hunky, shirtless fisherman Chris Cuomo.

After I swooned over every captured still of Gio Benitez muscling his way through the surf on Good Morning America on Tuesday, several of you let me know you’re with me.  Turns out, a random Twitterer’s mind went to the exact same place mine did: evaluating how pumped Gio compares with Italian Stallion Chris Cuomo:

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Fuck and yes!  I love that Cuomo, who is a notorious muscle stud, gets called out publicly on behalf of the young pup Gio.  Of course, when I read, “the competition is heating up,” I’m picturing muscles soaked in oil, gym bodies stripped to speedos, and a brutal beefcake beach battle of balls out homoerotic wrestling.  Now that Chris is on a competing morning show at CNN, I wasn’t sure if he’d even be allowed by corporate to acknowledge that Gio exists.  Well, apparently he is, and he did:

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See what he did there? Chris feints with self-depracating praise, then slips in that Gio is a novice compared to the veteran newsboy.  And just to drive home the point of who would win the “competition,” Cuomo points out emphatically that Gio is a fucking lightweight compared to him.  Competition?  I’d squash that anklebiter like a fucking bug! Sweet, I thought.  But no way Gio’s handlers would let him dip his toes into the newsboy trash talk pool, right?  Wrong:

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Baby beefcake Benitez climbs into the ring like an upright, earnest babyface, giving his props to the well-known muscle monster Cuomo.  Aw, shucks, I’m just honored to be in the same Tweet.

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On his most recent shirtless fishing expedition, Chris Cuomo’s physique is ripped like never before!

Let’s recap.  43 year old, 6’2″ dynasty spare Chris Cuomo not only periodically and cruelly teases muscle fans with his shirtless fishing exploits, he also writes a column for Men’s Health and is currently video documenting a provocatively named kick ass workout regime with multiple clips of him pumped, sweaty, and working his giant body with a hot, handsome stud trainer barking in his ear.  Cuomo says his ideal weight is 210 pounds of rock hard mountainous muscle.  He says that he isn’t an MMA boy, but he’ll “try a 5-minute fighting circuit to disturb my metabolism.”  I know of a lot of opponents who’d give a left nut to be on that circuit!

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Babyface beefcake Gio Benitez has youth and dimples on his side of the equation.

I haven’t uncovered any guesses about Gio Benitez’ height or weight, so I’m totally making this shit up when I say he’s 5’10” and a ripped 185 pounds. He turned 28 about 7 months ago. His official ABC bio says that he’s fluent in English and Spanish, and was the first journalist to shoot a segment entirely on iPhone, which is pretty much crap info when you consider that they’ve left out his vital statistics like chest and bicep measurements.  His Instagram suggests that the boy wonder likes muscle tees and completely unbuttoned polos, form-fitted to his mammoth pecs and struggling to contain his bulging biceps. He’s not nearly as smooth and confident on camera as Cuomo, but he’s come a long way since his GMA debut about a year ago.  Unlike Cuomo’s omnipresent naked torso, and despite his most obvious assets, ABC has yet to unleash full-on Gio shirtlessness.  I assume they’re waiting for a desperate sweeps week.

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In the pre-match pose-off, Chris shows off his big, beautiful biceps.
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“Nice biceps, man,” Gio replies before flexing his own veiny peaks right back. “What do you think of these?”

I say liberally baby oiled beach wrestling in South Beach, Chris in a speedo and Gio wearing a posing strap. Entirely televised by both CNN and ABC, with special referee weatherman-turned-celebrity gossip monger Rob Marciano.  What are the highlights of that action and who wins?  You make the call in the comments.

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Chris Cuomo gets ripped like never before The Hardway. He may be 15 years older, but his conditioning is out of this world right now!
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Adorable good guy Gio plays is cool, but the straining fabric stretched to the limit across his luscious nips and not-even-flexed upper arms speak volumes. This kid is fully equipped to do damage!

PSA – Gio Benetiz Gets Wet

In the interest of public safety, I’m afraid that Gio Benitez has to re-shoot this segment for Good Morning America.  I know that I’m not alone in being unconvinced by his demonstration of the dangers of rip tides.  That shirt and those baggy trunks he’s wearing were clearly weighing him down as he swam in the surf, exaggerating the threat of a rip tide.  If Gio had done this segment shirtless and in more modest trunks, I feel confident he’d have muscled his way right through that rip tide without breaking a sweat.  I, for one, refuse to believe in the dangers of rip tides until Gio Benitez goes back to south Florida, strips down (in HD slow motion) to nothing but a tiny speedo, and does this entire demonstration all over again.  If Gio truly cares about public safety, he will make this happen, and he’ll send me photos of him flexing those gargantuan biceps, bouncing those juicy pecs, and I’d pay double for an extended video of him bearhugging that hottie lifeguard who, let’s face it, despite acknowledging how much of “a grown man” Gio is, still questions Gio’s masculinity by “rescuing” him.  Then, when Lara Spencer clucks, “and speaking of ripped!” about Gio’s hot body at the end of the segment, it’ll really mean something.

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Gio Benitez mulls over whether journalistic integrity requires him to go shirtless for this segment (and shows off his massive bis).
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So much beach body hotness, GMA tracks Gio’s pumped body from 4 different angles.
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This is the angle that catches my eye! This extremely fleeting glimpse of Gio’s bubble butt is catapulting him ahead of so many other newsboy crushes I’ve had.
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Nothing quite a tasty marinated, salted beef!
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Gio jumps waves, making his huge pecs bounce.
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“Hey, twerp,” Gio snarls, “did this muscle body really look like it needed rescuing!?” “Dude!,” protests the lifeguard, “you’re producer told me I had to!”*
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“Bring it on, Baywatch!” Gio snaps. “I’m going to wrap these pumped pythons around you and make you scream like last night’s trick!” “Uh…” Baywatch boy stares slack jawed, “… okay!”*
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GMA host finishes the segment by purring, “…and speaking of ripped!” Gio rips off his coat and shirt, lathers himself with oil, and delivers a 3 minute muscle posing session*.

*Events and dialogue reported here may not exactly conform to what actually happened.

Throwback Thursday

Never one to fail to jump on a bandwagon, my thoughts this Thursday are turned backward for a “Throwback Thursday” life review. As I approach the 5th anniversary (!!!?) of neverland, it strikes me often how time can be warped in my memory as I reflect on what I’ve posted here over the years. Some things I swear that I’ve harped on over and over, but when I do a systematic search, I discover I’ve perhaps mentioned just once in passing. Some things I think I’ve never, ever said, I discover (not infrequently pointed out by a reader) I’ve most definitely put into print.  So today is a trip down memory lane, digging like a geologist into the strata of the years to consider what March 20 has meant in the life of neverland.

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RHW came along less than a year after neverland.

My first March 20th post was 4 years ago today, and I was remarking on the still nascent offerings of Rock Hard Wrestling.  Specifically, I reviewed RHW’s double match release of Brody Hancock v Cameron Davis as a double-header along with Brody & Shawn Lawson double-teaming (does that make it a quadruple-header?) imminently deserving Zack Johnathan. Back than I was full of critique and advice, probably a little too heavy handed with the wisdom. Time has taught me a little more humility, I think. I hope. In any case, I still say Brody’s double-layered trunks (does that make it an octuple-header?) was a buzz kill and wrestling for gay eyes should use at least 1/3 less fabric in constructing ring gear than straight-up mainstream pro.  I haven’t posted on RHW in a while, after covering their releases pretty extensively years ago.  Not sure why.

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I could stare at Tyrell Tomsen’s ass for weeks at a time!

A year leader, in 2011 I was playing Name That Ass, a game that I probably found a lot more fun that readers did. Then again, some of you played along, and even Queer Me Now covered the genre.  And seriously now, what’s not to love about studying in exquisite detail finely crafted homoerotic wrestling asses?  The asses teased in that March 20th post were, in order, Tyrell Tomsen, multiple best butt award winner Kid Karisma, Mark Wolff, John Magnum, and Coupe. No one posted a perfect score in that round.  Perhaps I need to pull Name That Ass out of mothballs to give you more practice.

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The metamorphosed Charlie Panther.

March 20, 2012 was a Bodies-Over-Time focus on the stunningly evolving body of BG East’s Charlie Panther. I’d just seen his newest release at the time, absolutely defining a squash against Tim Messina in Pros in Private 9 and earning the homoerotic wrestler of the month title around these parts. Homoerotic wrestlers of the month have continued to be a theme since I started handing them out, and Charlie was a most excellent entry into the HWOTM hall of fame. At some point, I should do some soul searching about what subsequent HWOTM say about me and my evolving/stagnating tastes.

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These could easily become the most trusted, not to mention gargantuan biceps in news!

Interestingly, last year on this date, I didn’t post at all. This was in the middle of a several-week drought, which happens not too infrequently around these parts.  The nearest post was the day before, when I was resurrecting a theme that has possessed these pages since THE VERY BEGINNING, namely, Chris Cuomo and the need for more hotly muscled skin in the news. Specifically, I was extremely excited by the prospect of massively muscled Latino pretty boy Gio Benitez joining the reporting pool at GMA. GMA has yet to truly capitalize on the sheer magnetism of Gio’s mammoth pecs, but I still get a little giddy when I see him on air.  I’m quite certain you will continue to read more about my ongoing obsession with new hunks.

It’s an interesting core sampling of what has made neverland hold my attention over the years, looking back at this date in history. Some things change. Some things stay the same (including periods of radio silence as life distracts me from what’s really important, homoerotic wrestling). And, as always, I just follow my fanaticism for the homoeroticism of wrestling where it takes me.

Pop News Break

I haven’t been writing much about it, but that doesn’t mean that my perverse (look it up, it doesn’t mean what you’re thinking) imagination keeps transporting icons and contenders of straightforward popular culture into a hardcore homoerotic wrestling universe.  I keep waiting, with baited breath, for ABC to contrive the perfect scenario for muscleboy extraordinaire, Gio Benitez, to go shirtless and flex those luscious pecs. That moment will, I predict, drag my tired ass out of my sabbatical from writing in the Producer’s Ring series for a new installment in the News Boys.

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ABC News needs to unleash this beast!

Other hunks on the “pop” side of the news, however, have been stroking that portion of their audience hungry for beefcake, reminding me about some of the body beautiful boys who have starred in my homoerotic wrestling fantasies and, by all appearances, are staying in shape should their wrestling prowess come into question once again.

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Shut up and look pretty.

Zac Efron has been accused of looking too pretty. Too polished. I say that’s the perfect character to encounter a nasty ass heel who wants nothing but to eat pretty for lunch. That explains, I’m certain, the fictional homoerotic wrestling scenario I wrote starring the blue-eyed pretty boy, Zac, squaring off against Scottish sexpot James McAvoy in a gay bathhouse fight pit in my wrestling series Producer’s Ring. For those who haven’t read my Focus Group work, you may not know that I worship James McAvoy. I write him vicious and bloodthirsty and wrestling kinked like a sailor’s knot.  Little wonder that he face-plants Zac’s mug into the mat, breaks his button nose, and then pistons off 2 massive cum shots across the babyface’s bloodied face. Holy fuck. Good times.

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I don’t want to know. I don’t need to know (much less see the movie).

So the prettyboy is back in pop news starring in a (soon to be released? just out? straight to video?) comedy called Neighbors.  He’s also showing his spankable prettyboy ass in a trailer for yet another movie called That Awkward Moment.  There’s no denying the kid has put on muscle, and a little fur on the pecs makes me willing to look past the powder blue eyes and made-for(by)-Hollywood nose. But if I do ever come off of sabbatical for the Producer’s Ring, Zac is looking way, way too pretty to think he’ll fair any better in his sophomore match.

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Fat kid’s revenge: Jerry O’Connell sexes up the place.

Another pop hunk object of my homoerotic wrestling lust, Jerry O’Connell has also been exposed in a new television series that, in the time it took me to write this post, has already been cancelled.  This is a sadness, I think, because I could stare are Jerry’s speedo pouch for the duration of an 8-hour miniseries if given the opportunity. It was obsessing over him in Sliders, however, that propelled him to claw his way into the Producer’s Ring universe and find himself in a ring wrestling match full of surprises against  another one of my raging obsessions from way back (yes, I’m talking Popular), Christopher Gorham.

christopher gorham shirtless covert affairs
I’ve got dirty laundry that needs a washboard!

Gorham, who’s also consistently showing skin (and a fucking insane 8-pack!) in Covert Affairs shows up to his match (in my imagination) with Jerry with a plan ready to orchestrate. It involves Jerry’s wife, his brother, and a hypnotically magical kiss (not to mention Christopher’s raging erection pressed against Jerry’s body as he milks out the last ounces of a body scissors submission).

Yep, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  I have a one track mind, and I’m okay with that. Whether its my newsboys, my movie stars, or my television hunks, the ones that catch my attention are the ones that I can’t help but picture stripped down and oiled up for a homoerotic wrestling match!