I’m a bad gay, I realize, but I hate awards shows. I like seeing who won awards the next day, mind you, but I have no patience for the pretensions of red carpets and tearful speeches and what passes for entertaining song and dance numbers. That said, I’d be glued to my television if BG East ever decided to produce an awards show to unveil their year-end viewer’s choice poll winners… particularly if the song and dance numbers were an occasional tuxedo rip ‘n’ strip match center stage. Short of that, I am enjoying pouring over the just announced winners of the BG East Best Of 2013s, comparing where I run with the pack and where I’m clearly a lone wolf.
Scorching hot Kip Sorell knows how to make an entrance as 2013’s Debut of the Year.
Running with the pack, I voted with the majority in selecting Kip Sorell as debut of the year. That said, I would like to think that Lane Hartley might be severely pissed to be passed over, requiring a severe and brutal beating of epically pretty Kip. Fingers crossed…
Eli Black’s abs are outstanding, earning him most votes for Best Abs of 2013.
Best abs to Eli Black for me and you for the second year in a row. Eli is an anatomy chart, so it’s hard not to see what we’re all looking at. That said, I think this category is one of the most competitive, and Eli’s abs surely have earned a big, bright target painted on them by the many worthy also-rans.
Here’s KL awarding the 2012 prize to KK’s ass. Now 2 years running, Kid Karisma’s epic ass takes top prize in 2013.
Two years running, I and the majority have inescapably concluded that Kid Karisma’s ass is simply the best in the business. That world class ass is just one of the top reasons that Kid K wrestled the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler away from Lon Dumontlate in 2013. Last year, runner-up Cameron Matthews complained bitterly about being passed over for this one. In that proposed awards show in the future, I believe it would be only fair to see all of the finalists asses displayed, immediately prior to the winner’s announcement, followed closely by a bareassed beatdown in a pit of oil.
Eli and Cameron’s Mat Hunks 9 match was outstanding!
I and the majority agreed that the best mat battle (by far, in my estimation) was Cameron’s incredibly sexy and intense tussle with Eli in Mat Hunks 9. Wowza! The chemistry between these two totally took me by surprise, and I believe both of these amazing studs brought out the very best in one another. Simply incredible match!
Jonny Firestorm and Drake Marcos obliterated the competition for Best Squash as Jonny obliterated Drake in Custom Combat.
I personally felt that there was no real competition for Best Squash. Whether the voting was as much a squash as Custom Combat, I don’t know, but one way or another, the majority of voters agreed with me in picking Jonny’s infinite variations on a squashing theme all over sweetly suffering Drake Marcos.
Miss any of these? Shame on you. Now is your chance to redeem yourself, though, because BG East is offering the products of all of the winning matches at a 25% discountfor the remainder of this month. I’ll comment later on where my tastes diverged with the herd, but my ballot ran about 33% with winners in this year’s polling. All these hunks are over the top winners in my book, and I hope that accolades and praise go straight to their heads, requiring extensive drama and punishment to knock them back down to size.
I’ve promised myself not to lobby too hard for any of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers up for end-of-the-year best of BG East “BGs” awards, but I will tell you that you need to vote. I will not attempt to sway public opinion. I will not attempt to sway public opinion. I will not attempt….
Jake Jenkins is supremely equipped to wreck rookies.
Personally, I’m entirely supportive of Jake Jenkins developing a specialty in rookie wrecking. Sure, it seems like only yesterday the gorgeous quadruple threat (dazzling beauty, devastating mat skills, dangerous ring skills, and demolishing MMA moves) was starring in his own Ripped Rookies sweat bath match against friendly rival golden boy Austin Cooper. But there’s always been something seasoned and grounded about Jake’s confidence. It’s not as if Jake can’t compete with (hell, dominate!) in the deep end of the pool, but he sure looks like he’s never having more fun than when breaking in, breaking down, and humiliating a baby faced rookie. Now that it seems like he’s developed a taste for humbling and hurting beautiful newbies, I think Jake is really coming into his own. Take, for example, his total mastery of beautiful muscleboy Kip Sorell in BG East’s new release, Backyard Brawls 8.
Kip Sorell could well be the prettiest thing to come along since Rio Garza.
First, a word about said rookie, Kip. Actually, I have a strong feeling that this will just be the first of many, many words to be said about Kip, because this heavenly body has an instant and irresistible gravitational pull. Let me start with the face, because if I start elsewhere, I’m likely to get too distracted to remember to mention that this kid has made-for-tv-movies Hollywood handsomeness that makes me count my lucky stars that he showed up on the doorstep of BG East. The leading man jawline, the button nose, the full eyebrows to compliment the shaggy mane of hair… it all adds up to Kip being an intoxicating mix of boy-next-door meets Chippendale dancer. I’ve got $10 for the first BG East wrestler to tongue wrestle this virginal slut (metaphorically speaking… about the “virginal slut,” not the $10!).
“You know, I feel like this just doesn’t hurt you enough,” Jake muses.
It’s Kip’s picture perfect physique that plays the starring role in the narrative of his Backyard Brawls 8 match. Even Jake gives the sculpted rookie credit as they approach the mats. “You look pretty big there,” the veteran acknowledges. “I have to admit, I’m a little scared to wrestle you.” There are two possible explanations for this stunningly self-deprecating maneuver from Jake. First, he’s genuinely scared. If I saw a specimen of muscle and conditioning like Kip coming at me aggressively, I’d probably be scared (oh, fuck that, I’d be full aroused and ready to grab hold with every appendage I’ve got). But the second possibility, the one I’m more inclined to believe, is that Jake is fucking with the kid’s head. If that’s the case, it works. Kip grins, a little embarrassed, struggling with a comeback, trying to gauge what an appropriate game face looks like when your opponent, who has the reputation for demolishing opponents, pays you an instant compliment. Not 20 seconds later, and Jake has the rookie pounded into the mat and screaming in agony. Yeah, right. Jake was really scared.
“Oh, haven’t had enough yet?” Jake asks. “Of course I haven’t!” Kip spits back angrily. “You seem awfully confident for someone getting your ass kicked,” the veteran smirks back.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jake smile as much during a match as he does picking apart Kip’s mouthwatering carcass. “Yeah, you got all those muscles. Well, so do I. And mine look better!” Jake boasts. There are wrestling fans who would quibble with this proclamation. As for me, I’d worship Jake’s body morning, noon and night, but arguably, Kip Sorrel’s conditioning, size and raw strength are probably, objectively, superior. But when Kip is tied up like a pretzel, every joint getting ripped apart, screaming in agony, and his opponent is grinning from ear to ear, barely breathing hard, and flexing for the camera with his free arm (because it doesn’t even take him two hands), Kip is in no position to argue.
“Hey, bro, why even work out? Just stay at home!”
Sweet mother of god, Jake tortures the rookie with a command and expertise that’s like crack cocaine to a wrestling fanatic like me. Every lickable inch of the physique-star rookie is displayed by his tormentor for our delight. Kip spends an eternity, multiple times, getting his crotch ripped open wide, his taut hamstrings quivering, his trunks threatening to either rip apart at the seams or simply stretch past the point of fully covering up what they’re designed to cover. I think there’s got to be a market for a voyeur’s choice match, where a randy fan/blogger gets to step in at a moment like this and get his hands and lips all over the captured, helpless body being owned (write your favorite wrestling producer and recommend this!).
“Those legs are stronger than I thought,” Jake concedes. Kip crows right back, “I’ve been saving them up for you!”
Jake gets cocky. Hell, Jake is cocky and backing it up from 3 seconds out of the starting gate, but there’s a particular moment when he’s leaning in a little too close, pausing just a little too long as he licks his lips trying to decide what method of corporal punishment to deliver to Kip next, when like a bear trap, the rookie’s thighs snap shut around the veteran’s head. Holy shit, watching Kip’s handsome face grow a sideways smirk in self-congratulations as he makes Jake suffer extremely long, and extremely hard, is astonishingly arousing! “Now I’m having all the fun,” Kip coos, flexing, stretching, doing push ups, and being an all around taunting bully. Those legs of his, taut, ripped, flexed like a bundle of steel cables, are unbelievable. Can you imagine how dangerous this kid could be with some training and experience!?
“Now I’m having all the fun!”
However, Kip Sorell lacks training and experience. And after milking out a humiliating submission with those phenomenal thighs, he makes the mistake of trying to rub it in with a crotch-in-your-face schoolboy pin 3-count. Now, I’d pay this stunner a healthy day’s wages to sit right there on my chest for hours on end, but Jake is not me. Like the monkey boy Kid Karisma knows that he is, Jake hooks the rook’s underarms with his feet and absolutely launches the kid flying several feet into the air and off of Jake’s chest. Kip is laughing, still slapping himself on that perfect v-shaped back for the submission, and either not noticing or not taking seriously just how pissed Jake is at the gratuitous post-submission humiliation. Rookies… (smh).
“Come on, scream just a little bit louder. I’ll make you, dude!”
The banter in this bout is top notch, best I’ve ever heard from Jake. “Come on, scream just a little bit louder,” he demands, grinning ear to ear as he instantly has the rookie compromised again. “I’ll make you, dude! Come on, just two words, and it’s all over. You know the words!” Kip is a tough son of a bitch, and all of those fantastic muscles soak up a truly incredible quantity of punishment before he submits again. But he submits again, don’t doubt it for a second. “This is a lot easier than I thought it would be,” Jake snarls with contempt. “Hey, bro, why do you even work out? Just stay home!” Um… shut up Jake. The rook is entirely, vulnerably, pristinely perfect, just the way he is (trapped there, screaming between your lightly hairy thighs).
“That’s the last thing you’re going to see before you go to sleep!”
The initial playful respect and give and take give way to Jake unveiling a seriously sadistic side. He pins the ripped rookie again. He forces another submission. He drags him to his feet by that mop of pretty hair and then slams him back down at will, beating the air out of his lungs and last ounce of strength from those lovely muscles. “And to top it off, I don’t really like you too much!” Jake spits, sliding his dangerous legs around the rookie’s throat and slowly sliding them into place for an intimate, crotch-pillowed figure-4 sleeper. The smiling rookie leans over and shoves his tattooed right bicep in front of Kip’s dazed face. “That’s right. Struggle,” Jake taunts. “See that? That’s the last thing you’re going to see before you go to sleep.”
Jake Jenkins, C.R.W. (certified rookie wrecker)
Jake Jenkins is a certified rookie wrecker, and he loves his job with a passion. The delight he takes in force-feeding the bulging pretty boy rookie the turf is simply awesome. The contortions he puts Kip Sorell through do the double duty of making the newbie scream and submit AND forcing Kip’s magnificent, muscled ass to repeatedly struggle free from being entirely contained by his sexy trunks. Jake does not win the $10 I’m offering for the first wrestler to apply a lip lock to Kip Sorell, but short of that, this is a picture perfect match. And Kip may not have won Jake’s respect, but holy hell, no one else is going to mistake the obvious truth that this kid can swallow mass quantities of punishment and keep coming back for more.
The Sears Christmas catalog would arrive, and I’d spend countless hours combing through the pages of the toys (and underwear) advertisements, my imagination filled with anticipated delights. I’d make a list for Santa, then comb over the pages again and revise my priorities, guess at the optimal constellation of gifts to produce the maximum pleasure. There was something intoxicating about coveting toys and then coveting the underwear models, back and forth.
That’s the next closest thing to a new BG East catalog. Like Friday’s release of 101. Every page makes my blood pump harder, so much anticipated pleasure. Just the anticipation, the tease of a handful of words and accompanying provocative photos, is such a delight! After the mouthwatering taste, but before the full on consummation, there’s such a sweet spot right here, right now. I cannot wait to consume the promises, but then again, the wait is so, so sweet!
Hunky Muscle Mask gets the Aryx treatment in Masked Mayhem 11.My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont, catches my (and Donnie Drake’s) eye in Last Man Standing.Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe obediently worships the ripped body of Damien Rush in Backyard Brawls 8.My mind is blown, and I suspect my crotch is not far behind, by Jonny’s customizable demolition of Drake Marcos in Custom Combat: Drake’s Drubbing.So many world class bulges between Kid Karisma and Pretty Pete Sharp in Kid Karisma’s Wrestler Spotlight.Lane Hartley makes me gasp just seeing his stills as he picks apart body beautiful Z-Man in Pros in Private 10.KIp Sorell and Jake Jenkins. That’s pretty much all that needed to be said to make me dizzy, much less just a glimpse of the preview pics from Backyard Brawls 8.
Sidelineland 