These are a few of my favorite things…

Naked Kombat has served up a heapin’ helpin’ of hotness this week. The line up is delicious. Former tag team partners and always arousing Trent Diesel (yes, my #1 favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy) and DJ are now on opposing teams. DJ is paired up with former nemesis Leo Forte. Trent is tagging with Seth Green look-a-like, Sebastian Keyes. So let’s tally this up so far: Trent, DJ, tag-team homoerotic wrestling. Three of my favorite things!

But wait, there’s more! I’ve been nursing a live-audience lust for a long time now, and yet again, NK is serving up what I’m hot for. The cheering and jeering from the enthusiastic audience absolutely ups the eroticism. The horny boys in the seats are gasping and crying out for more as the wrestlers get nastier, meaner, and more erotic. Fantastically hot!

Trent is a vision as always, though now sporting a new tat on his thigh. When he’s introduced at the beginning of the match, he pumps his fist over head to the roar of the crowd. Damn. That body. Damn.

Sebastian and Leo are also-rans for my attention in this line up, so skipping over to DJ, I’ll just say that he continues to not just earn my respect, but he grabs me by the testicles and squeezes until I scream my passionate adoration. I realize that DJ is too skinny for some tastes. He’s hot as hell for my tastes, and his movement on the mats is pure gold.

The action seems to always be more intense and fast-paced when there’s an audience, which can’t be bad. A few highlights that make me push the pause-and-rewind include DJ mounted on top of Trent and licking my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy’s face; Trent immediately flipping DJ to his back and returning the favor, slathering all over DJ’s cringing face (as the audience screams with unanimous pleasure); and every single fantastic double-team that NK allows for a few seconds following each tag-in.

When I saw the line-up for this tag bout, I have to admit, I was 95% certain that Trent and Sebastian were going to find themselves asses up and getting fucked hard by the notoriously dominating scrappers, DJ and Leo. In particular, I thought Sebastian was going to be the weakest link, and that not even the stunning physique and blinding beauty of Trent would be sufficient to make up the difference. I love being surprised.

Sebastian is a hell cat. The tag setting seems to bring out some awesome ferocity in him. Perhaps it’s the audience, loving every moment that the pale, pubescent looking boy, conspicuously the only one without visibly ripped abs, slams his cock down on top of his opponent’s face and roars with primal ecstasy. When the boys in blue end round three with three more points than the bad boys in red, I’m totally stoked for some more Trent on DJ humiliation.

The sex round this time around speaks to more than it often does. Again, I say, it’s the audience. Trent and Sebastian dominate not just for the cameras, but for the immediate and responsive feedback of the audience. Trent makes a bee-line to claim DJ as his personal trophy. Both victors drag the losers on their knees to the edge of the mat to give the audience an up close angle on force-feeding DJ and Leo their cocks. Sebastian turns Leo’s ass to the audience, with the loser’s lips still wrapped around his cock, to spread Leo’s cheeks wide for the audience’s inspection. When the audience demands it, Trent and Sebastian are happy to oblige them in shoving DJ and Leo’s faces together, forcing them to kiss on command. Once again, on command, with the loser’s faces shoved up the winner’s asses, Sebastian grabs Trent’s face as they kiss to the roar of the crowd, Sebastian pumping his fist. Yet again, when the crowd roars it’s desire, Trent and Sebastian saddle up and ride the losers around for a pony ride. The reaction of the crowd to Trent finally erupting all over DJ makes an incredibly hot, intimate moment that much more amazingly erotic.

This match does more for my wrestling kink than a typical NK bout does, frankly. It’s not only hot and hard, it’s thrilling and thoroughly entertaining. The sweet peck on the lips from Leo as the camera fades to black is fantastically sweet. Trent remains in solid possession of the title holder as my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, and NK has finally chalked up an audience match free of injuries. I hope that means there will be more to come!

Bill of Goods

As I’ve made a lot of hay passing judgment on homoerotic wrestling matches and wrestlers, Kid Leopard’s words of caution from the BG East Headquarter’s discussion group frequently come to mind. KL has, on more than one occasion, cautioned commenters not to turn catty as we discuss wrestler’s bodies. The fine wrestlers who strip down and lock up for our entertainment are, in fact, real guys with bruisable egos, who don’t sign up to have every aspect of their physiques trashed and insulted. I think there is a relatively fine line, however. Let’s face it, the bodies are, themselves, major draws that make us tune in. As consumers, we pay up to be entertained, which in large part includes enjoying the appearance of wrestlers’ barely clad/unclad bodies. It’s hardly surprising that we have things to say about wrestler’s bodies. “His ass is hot,” and, “His ass is fat,” come from essentially the same observational position, and frankly they may both represent about the same quantity of charitable spirit. We buy a product, and therefore we feel entitled to treat that product, including the appearance of bodies, as objects available for us to critique. Still, with KL’s words playing in the back of my head like Jiminy Cricket, I try my best to stay on the respectful side of the fine line as I presume to comment on homoerotic wrestlers’ physiques.

With that preamble in mind, let me just ask you: is Naked Kombat’s new rookie, Cliff Jensen, what you’d characterize as a “muscle god?” NK’s text teaser to get you to click through to the match characterizes this pairing as, “Huge-dicked muscle god takes on sexy stud.” Sebastian Keyes is a scrappy little wrestler who fulfills my fantasy of what it would be like to see Seth Green in homoerotic combat.  I’m 100% certain that Sebastian is the “sexy stud,” and not the “huge-dicked muscle god.” Which means that Cliff Jensen must be the one NK is selling as the huge-dicked muscled god in this scenario.

At the risk of sounding catty, I don’t buy the line that Cliff Jensen is a muscle god. Huge-dicked, okay. But muscle god? Is this the physique of a muscle god?

Let me be absolutely clear. It’s not Cliff or his physique that I’m taking issue with. It’s the marketing mind, casting him as the huge-dicked muscle god, that I’m quibbling with. I’d wrestle Cliff in a heartbeat. I’d spank his sweet ass (he seems to like that), and I’d fuck him (he loses but tops from the bottom, so not sure if that says more about Sebastian or Cliff), and I’d count myself as very, very fortunate for the opportunity. I’m infatuated with Cliff’s ink, and in particular, his dragon tat across his right shoulder blade (watch for him in a future installment of Name That Tat!). At 6’3″, he’s a tall drink of water, and there’s no disputing that the boy is physically fit (despite getting winded early in his debut), carrying very little body fat. I hope that I’m not coming across as catty and insulting, because I think he’s a tall, sexy frat boy with plenty of potential. But I balk at characterizing Cliff Jensen as a muscle god.

I’m probably as culpable as anyone in over-ascribing godliness to certain homoerotic wrestling bodies. But when I wax hyperbolic about a physique, it tends to come from a place of nearly disbelieving awe. That body simply cannot be solely human. His face is too handsome. His proportions are too perfect. When it comes specifically to the characterization of “muscle god,” I tend to picture physique stars with slabs of beef hanging off of their skeletons like a meat locker. “Muscle god,” I think, requires competition bodybuilding quality muscle, thick, defined, a little freakish (though I reserve a whole different class of adoration for the “muscle freak“). I’m picturing the mountainously muscled Thunder’s Arena’s Conan, for example…

…or the inhumanly perfect aesthetics of classic BG East muscle man Wade Cutler

…or even the simply gorgeous, powerful, thick, hard, veiny awesomeness of Kid Brock.

I buy “muscle god” for a lot of homoerotic wrestling physiques, frankly. There are a lot of fine works of art wrestling out there with entirely worship-worthy bodies with more than an echo of divinity built in. But Cliff Jensen’s charm is just not cut from that cloth, I’d argue.

He’s pretty. His long and hunky. He likes his ass spanked hard, god damn it. And for all of that (along with the stunning body art), I’m a fan of the rookie. But “muscle god?”

I just don’t think so.