Tag: Conan

Roadmap

wrestlebardLeave a comment
Thunder’s Arena’s Coupe shows off his vascularity
As I mentioned in my last post, there’s a lot about Thunder’s Arena’s Coupe that turns me on. I could go on for days about the intoxicating brew of his freakish physical development mixed with self-depracating humor and a strong chaser of insecurity. I could linger for hours at a time over the gargantuan slabs of beef that are his glutes. He sports the proportions of a superhero, ripped from the imagination of some barely suppressed gay comic book artist. But for today, I’m captured by the effect that Coupe’s vascularity has on me. The ropes of thick veins stretched across his arms and shoulders drive me nuts!
BG East’s Lon Dumont is shredded!
In Rookie Wreckers 1, Lon Dumont is in astonishing shape. His body is straight out of my college anatomy and physiology textbook. On the road to competing in several bodybuilding competitions soon after his humiliation of the beefy beauty, young Morgan Cruise, Lon had already whittled away every gram of body fat, until there was just nothing left but his gorgeous, smooth skin stretched across his skeletal muscles. With simply no padding, you can clearly see the sharp edges of his joints, the lay of the muscle fibers themselves, and the spiderweb of veins feeding his awesomely pumped muscles. With hunky Morgan tied up helplessly in the ropes and forced to watch, Lon took an opportunity to practice some of his mandatory poses. Admiring his own side chest pose, Lon marveled at the roadmap of striations and veins carved across his cut pecs. “Look at that!” he demands of Morgan, in awe at the sight of his own astonishing fitness.
Thunder’s Arena’s King Conan: built to impress (and crush)

Aussie pro bodybuilder, Conan at Thunder’s is nearly too big for my tastes. If I had a man this size inviting me to worship his physique like the god he most certainly is, I almost wouldn’t know where to start. However, I think I’d figure it out, and veiny ropes bulging just beneath the skin would hold my attention for quite some time. And speaking of holding, I’d go deep into debt to pay every penny it would be worth to have Conan lock my head between those veiny thighs in a deep, suffocating face-to-crotch scissors and have him dick whip my face.

BG East’s recent masked muscle freak discovery, Magnus, left me nearly as much in awe of him as that lucky bastard gym bunny, Surge. All that beef hanging from Magnus’ legs require thick, bulging veins to supply his quads, hamstrings and calves with the nourishment they need. Damn, that’s hot!

Can-Am’s Steve Sterling – tags and bags his opponents with
his overwhelming muscle development

Can-Am’s classic muscle beast, Steve Sterling, had a gorgeous… well, a gorgeous everything! But in the heat of competition, when he’d strain and flex and inevitably outmuscle the lambs led to slaughter in front of him, the veins in his arms would swell to the surface and bring me, like so many of his opponents, to my knees.

Thiago’s muscles look ready to explode as he counters
Jobe’s oh-so-tight rear bearhug

Can-Am’s Thiago Diaz‘ upper body is jaw-droppingly sculpted. The muscle mass he carries on his arms, shoulders and chest is almost unbelievable. I almost wonder if he’s wearing some blow-up muscle suit to explain his astonishing thickness (not to mention the muscle that’s challenging the seams of his trunks!). When Thiago flexes, straining to power out of a fiercely intimate rear bear hug by sadist cockmaster, Jobe Zander, the vascularity that flares up across his upper arms and shoulders pushes me right to the edge of self-control (and frequently right over the edge).

I’m on the record for being turned on by a diversity of bodies. It isn’t that the details don’t matter to me, but that I’m a fan of all sorts of packages for each set of sweet, provocative details they have. By no means do my wrestling turn-ons require bodybuilders to satisfy what ignites my erotic tastes. Lean meanies, beefy bruisers, tasty twinks… hairy, smooth, pretty boys and ugly mugs… fratboy loveliness, perfectly seasoned maturity… I’m blessed by all sorts of buttons that ignite my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. Gorgeous, bulging, pulsing veins rising to the surface of a rock hard body is right up there with some of the qualities that turn me on the most.

Bill of Goods

wrestlebard1 Comment
As I’ve made a lot of hay passing judgment on homoerotic wrestling matches and wrestlers, Kid Leopard’s words of caution from the BG East Headquarter’s discussion group frequently come to mind. KL has, on more than one occasion, cautioned commenters not to turn catty as we discuss wrestler’s bodies. The fine wrestlers who strip down and lock up for our entertainment are, in fact, real guys with bruisable egos, who don’t sign up to have every aspect of their physiques trashed and insulted. I think there is a relatively fine line, however. Let’s face it, the bodies are, themselves, major draws that make us tune in. As consumers, we pay up to be entertained, which in large part includes enjoying the appearance of wrestlers’ barely clad/unclad bodies. It’s hardly surprising that we have things to say about wrestler’s bodies. “His ass is hot,” and, “His ass is fat,” come from essentially the same observational position, and frankly they may both represent about the same quantity of charitable spirit. We buy a product, and therefore we feel entitled to treat that product, including the appearance of bodies, as objects available for us to critique. Still, with KL’s words playing in the back of my head like Jiminy Cricket, I try my best to stay on the respectful side of the fine line as I presume to comment on homoerotic wrestlers’ physiques.

With that preamble in mind, let me just ask you: is Naked Kombat’s new rookie, Cliff Jensen, what you’d characterize as a “muscle god?” NK’s text teaser to get you to click through to the match characterizes this pairing as, “Huge-dicked muscle god takes on sexy stud.” Sebastian Keyes is a scrappy little wrestler who fulfills my fantasy of what it would be like to see Seth Green in homoerotic combat.  I’m 100% certain that Sebastian is the “sexy stud,” and not the “huge-dicked muscle god.” Which means that Cliff Jensen must be the one NK is selling as the huge-dicked muscled god in this scenario.

At the risk of sounding catty, I don’t buy the line that Cliff Jensen is a muscle god. Huge-dicked, okay. But muscle god? Is this the physique of a muscle god?

Let me be absolutely clear. It’s not Cliff or his physique that I’m taking issue with. It’s the marketing mind, casting him as the huge-dicked muscle god, that I’m quibbling with. I’d wrestle Cliff in a heartbeat. I’d spank his sweet ass (he seems to like that), and I’d fuck him (he loses but tops from the bottom, so not sure if that says more about Sebastian or Cliff), and I’d count myself as very, very fortunate for the opportunity. I’m infatuated with Cliff’s ink, and in particular, his dragon tat across his right shoulder blade (watch for him in a future installment of Name That Tat!). At 6’3″, he’s a tall drink of water, and there’s no disputing that the boy is physically fit (despite getting winded early in his debut), carrying very little body fat. I hope that I’m not coming across as catty and insulting, because I think he’s a tall, sexy frat boy with plenty of potential. But I balk at characterizing Cliff Jensen as a muscle god.

I’m probably as culpable as anyone in over-ascribing godliness to certain homoerotic wrestling bodies. But when I wax hyperbolic about a physique, it tends to come from a place of nearly disbelieving awe. That body simply cannot be solely human. His face is too handsome. His proportions are too perfect. When it comes specifically to the characterization of “muscle god,” I tend to picture physique stars with slabs of beef hanging off of their skeletons like a meat locker. “Muscle god,” I think, requires competition bodybuilding quality muscle, thick, defined, a little freakish (though I reserve a whole different class of adoration for the “muscle freak“). I’m picturing the mountainously muscled Thunder’s Arena’s Conan, for example…

…or the inhumanly perfect aesthetics of classic BG East muscle man Wade Cutler…

…or even the simply gorgeous, powerful, thick, hard, veiny awesomeness of Kid Brock.

I buy “muscle god” for a lot of homoerotic wrestling physiques, frankly. There are a lot of fine works of art wrestling out there with entirely worship-worthy bodies with more than an echo of divinity built in. But Cliff Jensen’s charm is just not cut from that cloth, I’d argue.

He’s pretty. His long and hunky. He likes his ass spanked hard, god damn it. And for all of that (along with the stunning body art), I’m a fan of the rookie. But “muscle god?”

I just don’t think so.

Porn Sunday

wrestlebardLeave a comment

In honor of the excellent concept of Porn Sunday, here are a few retailers that you might consider supporting today…

Billy Lodi v Skip Vance – BGE X-Fights 33

BG East’s X-iest new release is X-Fights 33, pitting twink buddies Skip Vance and Billy Lodi. Billy fiercely conquers and then tenderly rewards Skip. Looking for some mat wrestling, jerks, sucks, kissing and cum to celebrate Porn Sunday?

Sebastian Keys v Jake Austin – Naked Kombat

Naked Kombat’s newest release will treat you to Jake Austin determined not to lose his ass yet again against buzz cut Sebastian Keys. Jake’s fate is, of course, to get owned, spanked, and fucked 5 ways to Porn Sunday.

Landon Myclse v Michael Vineland – Can-Am Pro Sex Fight 1

For my tastes, Can-Am’s X-iest and best new release is Pro Sex Fight 1, starring the wrestling pornboy stylings of previous homoerotic wrestler of the month, Landon Mycles, and Can-Am work horse Michael Vineland. This offers a delightful recipe of pro wrestling, erotic wrestling, and mutually satisfying sex in the middle of the ring.

Trent Diesel v Hugo Milano – Raging Stallion’s Brutal Part 2

If you’re looking for more porn (it is, Porn Sunday, after all) in your porn/wrestling mix, you might want to celebrate the day with a purchase of Raging Stallion’s Brutal. My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, Trent Diesel, wrestles and fucks and fucks and fucks, among a non-stop, 2-part, pornboy after pornboy pornfest.

Cody Nelson v Max Powers – Rock Hard Wrestling

Less porn, but no perhaps more up your alley to celebrate Porn Sunday, includes Rock Hard Wrestling (you’d think with a name like that there might be more porn), and their just out release of new Mr. Franchise, Cody Nelson going muscle to muscle in the ring with Max Powers.

Conan v Johnny Bravo – Thunder’s Arena

Or you may want to see some big, big, big muscleboy’s wrestle in less-than-porn fun over at Thunder’s Arena, where Johnny Bravo pounds the bodybuilder pecs of Australian blond bombshell, Conan.

Trent Diesel – Reigning Favorite Homoerotic Wrestling Pornboy

I’m a booster. That’s pretty much what I have to offer, and so I’m fully in favor of a lot of us showing some love to the hardworking boys in front of and behind the camera, bringing us orgasm after orgasm of entertainment by celebrating Porn Sunday with a special purchase, dedicated to our favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboys. No shame. No way.