Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month – You Decide!

My thanks to all of you who expressed concern about my absence from posting for several days. It’s nice to be missed! Same old story… work, travel, crappy internet access, paying bills… It’s past time for Z-Man to pass the homoerotic wrestler-of-the-month title on to the hottest wrestling hunk to turn my crank in a new release in October. But frankly, to be entirely honest, I feel a little stumped this month because I simply haven’t had much opportunity to sample new releases lately. What with all this work and travel, most of my homoerotic wrestling fare has been relatively old school products that I trust as staple fare. So for the first time, I’m asking you to help me sort through the field and figure out who deserves to be homoerotic wrestler-of-the-month for a new release performance in October.

Here are my nominees. As I mentioned I’ve only looked longingly at most of the marketing for these matches. But based on my tastes and biases, I’m narrowing the field to these fine studs. Consider the options thoughtfully and then vote in the poll at the top right of the screen. You don’t need to have seen a wrestler’s October release to vote for him. Just vote once, and feel free to lobby for your favorite hunk in the comments below.  Here are your options:
Alexander Garrett
Alexander GarrettNaked Kombat October 26 – This is one of the few new releases I did watch this month, and I was delighted by the rookie debut of tall, dark and handsome Alexander taking it personally when he grapples long and hard (and in oil!) against is boyfriend. His boyfriend wins the match, but my eyes were riveted on Alexander, making him my first nominee for wrestler-of-the-month.
Aryx Quinn
Aryx Quinn – Pro Tag Team Sex Battle 1 – Release dates of Can-Am always confuse me, because I enjoy most of my Can-Am fare on their subscription site, which sometimes releases videos earlier than when they show up on the open access site. Anyhow, I don’t think I’ve nominated anyone from Pro Tag Team Sex Battle 1 yet, and it’s completely worthy of a nomination (or two). From the snips I’ve seen of this match, Aryx Quinn is mean and in charge as usual. Frankly, I love him barking instructions domineeringly at his own partner the most, but the wrestling, the concept, and the execution are hot.
Landon Mycles
Landon Mycles – Pro Tag Team Sex Battle 1 – My other nominee from this match is Landon Mycles, who you might decide deserves a second homoerotic wrestler-of-the-month title on his mantle.  Landon (aka Marcus Mojo) is gorgeous, enthusiastic, and he does a wonderful job of crossing the line back and forth between aggressive wrestling action and erotic body worship.
Tyler Saint
Tyler SaintNaked Kombat Occtober 5 – Tyler is a wrestling veteran musclegod cyborg who inspires pure terror in his NK opponents. The concept of Tyler teaming up with Blake Daniels to obliterate a couple of dumbfounded twinks in front of a live audience has all the ingredients of a Bard-favorite… but I haven’t had an opportunity to actually appreciate this match yet.
LexThunder’s Arena No Holds Barred 14 – This is another match I did see, and as much as I appreciate Z-Man as a crafty veteran initiator, I was completely captured by Lex’s smoking hot gorgeous-as-hell ass. All those teeth, all that muscle, some sweet wrestling including flying scissors, and I’m a fan of Lex! You?
Lance Romance
Lance RomanceThunder’s Arena Bearhug Challenge 1 – Speaking of jaw-droppingly gorgeous asses! I haven’t seen this yet, but I’m powerfully moved by the pics in Thunder TV of Lance’s muscle-on-muscle squeeze fest. I have no idea if this muscleboy can wrestle, but I’m desperately hoping so.
Big Sexy
Big SexyThunder Arena Bearhug Challenge 1– From the A-side of the same product as above, Big Sexy always, always, always grabs my attention. I think Big Sexy has never owned the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month around here, which begs the question, is this his month?
So vote for who deserves the laurel leaves this month, and let me know why I ought to laud the wrestler of your choice. If your favorite who appeared in an October new release didn’t make the list, feel free to let me know how I missed the boat. I’ll leave the poll up for a couple of days to give you an opportunity to consider your choices carefully.

Rookie Delight

For quite a while, I was harping relentlessly around here about the problems of overexposure and recycling across the homoerotic wrestling industry. It seemed like every month there were multiple releases from competing producers featuring the same wrestlers, sometimes even facing the same opponents! While the phenomenon of migration from company to company has continued, it seems to me to be less in our faces lately. And I’m always delighted by the debut of new rookies. Thankfully, there’s been a lot of fresh meat on camera lately making my mouth water.

Naked Kombat rookie: Ethan Hudson
Case in point: yesterday’s new release from Naked Kombat introducing me to the big, big boy from Chicago, Ethan Hudson. Ethan debuts for NK against a veteran buzzsaw in Tyler Saint. Tyler is a freak of nature.  I swear he’s got to be a cyborg sent from the future to crush and destroy all pornboys who get the way of his mission to capture and enslave my cock. This man has more squared edges than a cheap Ikea coffee table. He’s hard as a rock with a center of gravity that appears to hover somewhere around his ankles. I’ve seen Tyler in action several times before, and yet again, the sight of him made me gasp when I saw him yesterday, looking every bit like the love child of Arnold and Dolph, square off against baby bull rookie Ethan.
Tyler Saint – Sent from the future to capture Bard’s cock.
From a distance, I didn’t peg Ethan as a wrestler who’d really capture my attention, particularly not standing inches away from the likes of the GMO that is Tyler Saint. But damn it all if I wasn’t completely taken in by the seriously hefty slice of beef that is NK rookie Ethan Hudson.
Tyler Saint locks up with rookie Ethan Hudson – Naked Kombat 8-17-11
He’s not pretty. He’s not exactly handsome (again, particularly not next to the inhumanly square jaw and blond buzz cut of Tyler). Ethan sports astonishing thickness, particularly his torso… and his legs… and his arms… and his neck…, but he doesn’t have the classic proportions and lines that (I’m not ashamed to say it) frequently speak to me. But whatever is that he’s not, there’s one thing that he is, without question: turning me on!
Ethan gets his ass handed to him by Tyler (and this being NK, I mean that literally). But for a big boy rookie, Ethan clocks in an incredibly intense 3 rounds of ferocious grappling. If he were fighting anyone other than a cyborg, he’d have crushed him like a grape, I have to think. But even clearly outmatched, Ethan’s performance is amazing. He spends way too much time riding Tyler’s back. Now, normally I wouldn’t suggest that riding your opponent’s back could be overdone, but in this case, it gets Ethan exactly nowhere. With his incredibly thick legs wrapped around Tyler’s waist, Ethan valiantly twists and bucks and yanks on his opponent to force him off his hands and knees and take him to the mat. But this is Arnold’s mini-me we’re talking about. All of those gymnastics happening on his back seem to go completely unnoticed by Tyler. It’s like the man is made out of lead! And unfortunately, Ethan seems to not have a deep arsenal to draw from to try a different tack.
But it’s incredibly entertaining and deeply arousing to watch the rookie never say die from start to finish! It’s like watching him drive his head into a brick wall over and over again. At some point, you figure he’s got to just stop and say, “This is fucking impossible!” But he doesn’t, and he doesn’t just roll over and take it from the man-machine fighting him. He just keeps working that astonishingly beautiful bubble butt of his until the end of round 3 when the ref need hardly state the obvious: Tyler wins, and it’s not close.
But the score does not capture the drama, and it particularly doesn’t describe the very finely tuned wrestling kink that Ethan strums inside of me.  My fervent prayer is that someone gives this fearless baby bull some formal training, and then they toss him back onto the mat with a mere mortal this time. I predict he could seriously fuck up some cocky, ripped hunk who may have grown a little complacent and taken for granted his incredibly loyal fan base.  I’m just saying… there’s a homoerotic wresting pornboy favorite who’s failed to fully hold my attention lately, and some fresh, fierce, solid as a rock rookie could very easily score an upset both on the mats and in my rankings.
Welcome to the homoerotic wrestling family, Ethan! It’s truly my pleasure to make your acquaintance!

Tats Named

I completed a major milestone today that I’ve been working toward for the past 4 months (accounting for spotty posting and neglected wrestling fiction in that time). So in honor of a banner day in the Bard household, I’m declaring you all “Name That Tat” quiz geniuses, and I’m passing out gold stars to everyone. Let’s review what you, my homoerotic wrestling genius friends, already know:
Tat #1 belongs to…

Jobe works his ass off in many venues, but here he’s pictured in his hot-off-the-presses newest release for BG East, wrestling against Cage Thunder in Masked Mayhem 8.

Tat #2 belongs to…
…BG East’s Braden Charron.
I haven’t seen this match, but from the stills, I have to say that I think Braden’s gear in Hunk Bash 11 against Kieran Dunne is my very favorite thing that I’ve seen Braden in (excluding seeing him in nothing at all). I’d still like to hear a translation for the shoulder tat. I’m guessing it says something like, “Beautiful Bubble-Butt Boy.”

Tat #3 belongs to…
…Thunder’s Arena’s rookie, Sledge.
Now those are pecs you can sink your teeth (or claws) into! Here, Sledge is pictured in his debut match, going up against muscle tat body beautiful, Eric Fury, in Bodybuilder Battle 27.

Tat #4 belongs to…
…Naked Kombat’s Tyler Saint.
 Tyler is back this week from a long absence from Naked Kombat and homoerotic wrestling, and true to the PR, he’s looking bigger and harder than ever against hairy hunk Alessio Romero.

And tat #5 belongs to…
…BG East classic, Syddo Riley.
Syddo’s buried deep in the catalogs, but he’s a treasure to look at when you find him. This sweet bicep flex from Syddo seems to be not directly related to any one wrestling match that I can find him in, but just to illustrate the excellent use he managed to put all those muscles to, here he is ripping the deltoid muscles off the bone of babyface muscleboy, Tony Romano for Bratpack 12.
So raise your glass with me now and toast to your homoerotic wrestling acuity and to my success of the day! Well done, my friends!