Tyrell Tomsen – Sidelineland

What a Shame

September 7, 2023 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Someone who has wrestled for both indy pro promoters and homoerotic wrestling producers once told me that in mainstream pro wrestling, making cash on the side by wrestling for gay eyes is considered a dirty little joke. Like, everyone knows that a lot of “legit” pro wrestlers do it, but it’s sort of an embarrassment that you aren’t supposed to talk about. I get the impression that it’s an “understandable” (to the straight gaze) side hustle, but it’s a roll-your-eyes-and-smirk sort of thing. Wrestling kink is the nudge-nudge-wink-wink punch line in an otherwise (still) hetero/macho dominated bro-y locker room culture. Playing up a gay trope in the ring has been around for generations. Openly gay wrestlers have been making a name for themselves in mainstream pro wrestling for a few years now, and while I’m sure it’s hardly easy sailing, it’s marketable enough for them to still get work. But having wrestled for BG East or W4H or Muscleboy or Weekend or any of the wrestling producers marketing not just to gay eyes, but to the homoerotic gaze turned on in particular by wrestling, isn’t something to be proud of.

Adrian Adonis, not gay, but wrestled gay for a mainstream pro wrestling audience

Over the past 14 years of blogging, I’ve occasionally had wrestlers contact me to ask me to pull down images and reviews of them as they take a run at breaking into mainstream pro wrestling. Sometimes, it’s specifically more erotically-oriented wrestling that they’d like to expunge from the internet record. Sometimes it’s just the fact that they wrestled for a company that explicitly markets to a wrestling kink-oriented audience. In either case, I always do it; and it always feels a little like I’m propping up the erotic-shame machine that so many of us have had to come to terms with in one fashion or another. The only reason I can think that it would help a wrestler’s chances to catch a break in wrestling for a mainstream (<–read hetero) audience is that the audience and the producers figuring out how to squeeze their marks couldn’t see their wrestling talent through the blurry haze of social stigma and shame encircling them for having done their thing knowing full-well guys like me are getting off on it. It’s not how talented they can be in the ring or in front of the camera. It’s the scarlet letter “K” tattooed across their chest for having been stained by association with wrestling kink.

I’ve been mulling all of this anew lately because MeetFighers recently released, with some aplomb and fanfare, an announcement entitled “Welcome to: Dating, Erotic content, Porn, Fetish, Kink, and Sex!” (exclamation point and misused colon included). You can read it here, but what’s been provoking deeper thoughts from me about it is this careful line that the administrators of MeetFighters and related sites are drawing between wrestling (and other combat sports) and wrestling kink. Apparently, they’ve received a lot of feedback for a while asking for them to reconsider their “firm stance on erotic content limits, especially when it comes to avatar pictures.” As back story, publicly visible pics on MeetFighters cannot be “too” erotic, and especially avatar photos used for MeetFighters accounts. What is “too” erotic, as you might guess, is a matter for debate among wildly disparate points of view. Ostensibly, if someone might see similar content and body exposure on mainstream television, then it’s okay. However, I’ve spoken with several guys who’ve shared avatar pics that have been disallowed as “too erotic,” and honestly, I cannot tell what line they’ve crossed. No full frontal, but having a big package, for example, appears to trip the sensors (sorry, Mr. Joshua, I hope you don’t dare show your award-winning bulge around those parts). The approval process for MeetFighters is crowd-sourced, and for the past several months, I’ve been diligently reviewing photos and giving my feedback on how erotic they appear to me to be. After you’ve assigned a rating, you can later see how you rated a photo and what the “final decision” was based on other crowd sourced ratings, and, seriously, I seem to be some sort of raving libertine, always (always) rating content at least one or two standard deviations less erotic than they’re eventually deemed to be. Anyway, all of that simply to say that MeetFighters has apparently been trying to police the incredibly subjective moving target of eroticism for a long time, in ways that many have disagreed with and found frustrating, of course.

Clayton Nash & Ross Davidson, Frisco Fights 2 (gay)

What catches my attention most in the MeetFighters announcement is the line that says, “Simply put, your public avatar and profile should represent the sport, not porn.” That is, there’s a clear and marked distinction between the sport of wrestling and kink. “The sport” refers to wrestling (and other combat sports represented on MeetFighters, but as far as I can tell, it’s predominantly wrestling-focused), and “porn” appears to refer to open acknowledgement of being turned on by wrestling. For context, when you sign up for MeetFighters and set up your profile, as I did a few months ago, there are several categories of preset, point-and-click options that the platform offers for you to provide your interests/reasons for having a profile:

“…profile should represent the sport, not porn.”

One of those sets of potential interests is entitled (by MeetFighters) as “Fetishes,” in which you can click on preferences such as being interested in sex, wanting to “wrestle for top,” be interested in cock-and-ball torture, having an interest in jacking off with an opponent (among many others). That’s part of the built-in options MeetFighters gives for users’ profiles… and… “your public avatar and profile should represent the sport, not porn.” I’m not pointing this out trying to call anyone out for hypocrisy or point fingers, but simply to point out that there isn’t an objective, clearly identifiable demarcation between what is “wrestling” and what is wrestling kink, and disentangling the two is… well, I’ll just say that it’s obviously fraught.

Pro wrestlers Effy and Chris Dickinson wrestling for Beyond Wrestling (performatively gay to a presumably non-kink audience)

MeetFighters new move in this chess game of social propriety is to create a new, separate platform. This new platform is called Lustfinity.com, and “promises to be an inclusive sanctuary for every imaginable fantasy and kink.” The roll out of Lustfinity appears to be all about kinks and fetishes, with nary a word about wrestling. It feels a lot like… well, like everything else that’s part of the erotic-shaming industrial complex, that says, “Your erotic interests in wrestling are not a wrestling interest. Don’t sully recreational meet-up wrestling with too much open discussion of your motivation being about how turned on you are by wrestling, by watching wrestling, by wrestling other guys, by talking about it and writing about it and sharing what you find hot about it. That’s a conversation about lust, not wrestling.” And those who are interested in meet-up wrestling and also clicking the “not interested in fetishes” preset option in their profile, apparently may be scandalized by the not-so-well-kept secret that a whole lot (a WHOLE FUCKING LOT) of MeetFighters profiles are for guys deeply invested in one or more homoerotic aspects of wrestling. These are all, ostensibly, adults, mind you (you have to be to sign up for an account). Of the 20 newest accounts created just today, as I write this, 16 of them list specific fetishes they’re interest in under “fetishes” or describe erotic scenarios they’re interested in as part of their introduction. I have no idea how representative of a sample that is of MeetFighters as a whole, but… that line between being turned on by wrestling and “the sport” is not objectively discernible.

Wade Cutler and Phil Latini in X-Fights 15 (gay)

The social project of policing the erotic (not just sex, but what is erotic) has a long, complex, and pretty insidious history. The “shame industrial complex,” as I described it above, reinforces all sorts of structures of social power that disenfranchise some and privilege others in concrete ways. MeetFighers’ Lustfinity project isn’t the first effort, and certainly won’t be the last, to distinguish eroticism from more socially acceptable topics, even when everyone reads the erotic subtext long coded into those socially acceptable topics (especially when everyone reads the erotic subtext!). I don’t think there’s any singular nefarious actor or tsk-tsking church lady to blame, because we’re all swimming in this same stream of history, in small ways and big ways going with the flow (and thereby making the flow that much more compelling for everyone), or, occasionally, swimming up stream, and bumping into and irritating the majority of folks who’d just rather be swept along with the subjective, changeable, ultimately unequally apportioned opportunities that come with the status quo.

MJF and Jonathan Gresham wrestling for Limitless Wrestling (not gay)

But all of this makes me think of a couple of things about my own swimming strokes. One of the things that has consistently surprised me from blogging about my homoerotic wrestling interests has been the number of individuals who have reached out to say, “I thought I was the only one!” I think that’s the way the shame industrial complex works, really. Silencing the erotic leaves most of us questioning why do we have these feelings? Why do we react this way? If it’s not heteronormative erotic-romanticism force fed to us in popular media, then we’re left under the mistaken impression that our experience is novel, niche, marginal, and aberrant. So, stumbling upon someone naming something that propriety defines as out of bounds for acceptable conversation feels revelatory. I can’t tell you how much back channel feedback I got about my recent post about growing up keying off of wrestling and fitness magazines, from so many readers who had the same experience, or close enough of that experience to feel seen by me writing about my experience. I’m proud of that, and it’s something that keeps me investing in writing more posts. I think that Lustfinity and other kink-positive corners of the internet offer some of that normalizing atmosphere. But I also think that a kink-ghetto probably advances the shame industrial complex at least as much as it works against it. The aspect of it all that says, “you aren’t into wrestling, you’re into your kink, so take that conversation elsewhere” probably isn’t 100% oppressive or liberatory, but I think it’s a little more the former.

Tyrell Tomsen and Braden Charron in Strip Stakes 1 (gay)

The other thing that this has led me to reflect on more deeply is the ways in which I buy into the shame industrial complex. I disclose A LOT on here about myself, but strategically don’t disclose everything, in order to try to bifurcate my life into what is and isn’t socially proper. A lot of people in my life who could know that I’m into homoerotic wrestling don’t, because I haven’t chosen to have that conversation in all of the places where people might otherwise casually talk about their erotic interests. I don’t exactly know where even I think the line ought to be between how I engage in the world as someone who participates in erotic interests and as someone who participates in any of the other interests that define me. My hunch is that shame tends to lean on that line more than I’d really like it to or am aware of. And when I don’t disclose with friends at the same level they do with me about what they find attractive, titillating, provocative and sexually exciting, I’m doing my little part to hold the whole edifice of shame and social power up. Like we all do, whenever we get tired of swimming against what feels like an irresistible current.

Pro wrestlers Kip Sabian and Dom Kubrick wrestling for Bar Wrestling (not gay)

I’m not sure what my point is here, other than to say I’m into wrestling. Maybe not the way you are, or for the same reasons. I’m into wrestling, and it’s a primary turn on for me. In into wrestling, and its homoerotic text and subtext give me a lot of pleasure. I’m gay, and turned on by wrestling, and turned on when I’m wrestling. I’m into wrestling, and I reject anyone else trying to tell me to pipe down and take that “naughty talk” out back. I’m into wrestling. Deal with it.

He Wore It Best

August 15, 2020 wrestlebardLeave a comment

I’m excited to declare Tyrell Tomsen the winner of the Who Wore It Best poll! I fell completely in lust with Tyrell the moment I saw his spectacular debut in Strip Stakes 1. It’s a rare debut that features a muscle hunk this aesthetic, this gorgeous, this ripped, who’s also ready to get naked in his first dance. By the time Tyrell put his superhuman physique on the line against big Joe Robbins in Gutbash 7 a couple of years later, he’d taken some hard knocks and bitter humbling, but honestly, he’s one of the relatively few hunks that doesn’t look dwarfed next to the mountain of muscle that is big Joe. Sure, I didn’t hold out much hope for Tyrell to deliver the upset against the steamroller, but just those few moments of seeing him pumped to perfection, staring Joe down, and flashing his spectacular cuts and luxuriously draped muscles that make Joe look merely mortal, got my heart pumping in anticipation.

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My hopes for a heart pumping babyface upset spiked when Tyrell took those mammoth, superhero, vein-mapped biceps and shockingly beat Joe in a best-of-3 arm wrestling showdown. It takes a lot to put big Joe in his place, so it was incredibly arousing to see Tyrell demonstrate that he’s up for the task.

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Joe is notoriously unflappable, so I was yet again excited by the way that Tyrell’s arm wrestling victory pissed Joe off. Joe impulsively, bitterly slammed Tyrell’s gorgeous face into the table (no!). The big man is unaccustomed to being humbled. He just doesn’t really know how to handle being outclassed by an opponent’s objectively perfect proportions. Normally unphased by a challenger’s cocky confidence, Tyrell’s top shelf muscle mass and mindblowing conditioning made big Joe lose his cool. Fuck, yeah, Tyrell!

Of every stunning inch of Tyrell’s muscled perfection, it turns out it was his deep, carved 6-pack abs that Joe felt most inadequate next to. Thus, this became a Gut Bash bout. Joe pounded and pummeled those resplendent, ripped rectus abdominis.

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Joe trampled him under boot, which is serious as shit when you calculate the pound per square inch of Joe’s 240 pounds deep boring his heel into Tyrell’s lower abs.

Tyrell was trussed up in a tree of woe for Joe to exploit new angles of assault on the affronting abdominals.

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Joe trapped Superman in the ropes and bearhugged the bodybeautiful beefcake from behind, digging his knuckles into Tyrell’s throbbing gut.

He wrung him out in an abdominal stretch, making Tyrell scream in anguish as his pendulous bulge quivered seductively. But it was when Joe went in for the money shot, that signature suspended bodyscissors, that put me over. He snapped his monstrously huge thighs around Tyrell’s ripped torso and squeezed. That made Tyrell gasp in shocked agony. But it’s when Joe rolled up to his hands, twisting his body and pulling Tyrell off the mat, that Superman seriously started to scream.

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So. Fucking. Gorgeous! I think Tyrell has been an underrated star in the BG East catalog, so I’m thrilled that he got the nod from voters in this poll. I miss seeing his incredibly fine physique in the ring, and I wish his tenure in homoerotic wrestling had been much longer. But he was all class, spectacular beauty, and fearlessness while he lit up our screens, and I’m thrilled to confirm that he wore it best!

Who Wore It Best?

August 13, 2020August 10, 2020 wrestlebard1 Comment

Big Joe Robbins has a pair of the meatiest, most punishing legs in homoerotic wrestling. To be honest, Joe had to grow on me. He’s too chill. He shows precious little/no emotion.The emotional range of a match almost entirely depends on the sell of his opponent. But over time, I realized the subtle, sexy truth about big Joe. He plays his opponents like a musical instrument. Like a virtuoso bowing a Stradivarius, Joe’s passion is evident in the timbre of the screams of his opponents.

Joe’s signature hold is his bodyscissors variation, where he clamps those monstrous tree trunks onto an opponent’s torso and then rolls up to his hands, suspending a trapped hunk off the mat. The genius of this hold includes the spotlight it places on Joe’s mammoth thighs. The position shows off Joe’s lovely, luxurious, round glutes. And it displays his opponent’s trapped muscles, complete helplessness, and exquisite agony beautifully. As Joe digs his knees into his prey’s kidneys, the suffering sings from way down deep. If they’re off key, Joe applies the precise pressure to wring the right notes out of them. It’s always astonishingly dominant, a move that only a huge, powerful muscle hunk could possibly pull off. Every opponent looks helpless, completely dominated, and absolutely humiliated.

But when it comes to Big Joe’s kidney crushing, suspended bodyscissors, who wore it best? Check out my curated selection of nominees, and vote below.

h0601_lg — Suspended bodyscissors #1: Denny Cartier

h0310_lg — Suspended Bodyscissors #2: Tyrell Tomsen

h0409_lg — Suspended Bodyscissors #3: Eddy Rey

h0506_lg — Suspended Bodyscissors #4: Donnie Drake

h0520_lg — Suspended Bodyscissors #5: Jobe Zander

h0211_lg — Suspended Bodyscissors #6: Jonny Firestorm

Side Butt

May 23, 2020May 21, 2020 wrestlebard2 Comments

If you’re new around here, you may not have heard that pretty much everything inspires my homoerotic wrestling imagination. One of my longest-standing, relatively random inspirations has been hot guys on television news. For a while, I thought it was just my imagination, prompting me to fantasize about hard, hot bodies underneath the suits of the handsome faces hired to look trustworthy. But no one can ignore the flagrant display of hot journalist beef all over the airwaves these days. It’s not just me combing through the minutiae and piecing together Chris Cuomo’s bulging biceps and Gio Benitez’ mouthwatering pecs out of nothing more than public social media accounts and confirmation bias. These days, the news hunks are quite obviously getting hunkier, unbuttoning their shirts, posting workout videos, and finding excuses to show off their hard toned gym bodies. Thus was born The News Division series of homoerotic wrestling fiction that I’m slowly transcribing from an old private site to the pages of this blog. I’ll post an updated version of a new chapter tomorrow.

If you aren’t new around here, this is all old news. So let me move on to the new addition to my newsmen crush lexicon. My local weatherman is a nerd stud. He’s skinny. Literally, a marathoner. He’s no Hollywood heartthrob, but he’s got a seriously cute, boyish face. Quick wit. I’d schoolboy pin him in a second. But the real star of the show is that ass of his when he takes of his suit coat and steps up to the map. Specifically, he makes me gasp every time he turns to point to the weather map and shows off his remarkably perky, round ass in profile. Solid, sculpted muscle, made all that more stunning by his skinny, little waist. Not everyone has the genetics and laboriously-built muscle to be able to show off such lovely side butt. There are huge, bulging bodybuilders who do squats for years and never pull off the perfectly round globes that my skinny weatherman has. From behind, you can’t always measure the perkiness-factor like you can with side butt.

So, in honor of my weatherman and the provocative gift of a tiny waist and gorgeous, round glutes, I’ve spent more time than I should have curating this annotated collection of homoerotic wrestling hunks showing off sensational side butt.

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BGE’s classic baby face muscle boy Troy Baker gave pin-up boy quality side butt. I’m also a fan of Troy’s tan lines, which serve as a highlighter spotlighting his beautifully round, alabaster cheeks.

0402_lg My longest-reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler and multi-Best Butt and Body winner Kid Karisma possesses one of the perkiest, most muscular ass cheeks on the planet. He’s a study in physical perfection from every angle, but he gives choice side butt.

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Tyrell Tomsen is an adonis, with extravagant, luscious meat draped from every joint. You have not lived if you have yet to see every awesome inch of Tyrell in Strip Stakes 1, which, frankly, has sort of spoiled me for every other strip stakes match I’ve seen. It’s hard not to let your eyes roam over him, but if you’ve got the self-discipline, you’ll see that his thick, solidly muscled glutes are perfect in profile.

scrapdb Epitomizing the tapered-V, Scrappy (Thunders, W4H, Muscleboy) possesses perfect proportions. The way his tiny waist perches on top of his lush, thickly muscled ass makes him a side butt poster boy.

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One of the more controversial figures in the annals of homoerotic wrestling history, Rio Garza had a remarkable gift for dividing fans and wrestlers alike. But can we all agree to the self-evident fact that the Mexican muscleboy sports practically perfectly round glutes that make for sensational side butt?

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This photo demonstrates the extremely rare (IMO) phenomenally hot double side butt perfection of last year’s Best Body winner Van Skyler on the left bearhugging Payton Meadows on the right. Their Undagear 26 face off really deserves to be cross-listed as a Fantasymen product, because they are both ripped from the pages of an erotic fantasy. But for butt watching, it’s out of this world, and for two pairs of the sweetest, roundest ass profiles to appear in one match, it cannot be beat.

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I should’ve quit a while back, but I couldn’t stop myself from digging into the archives just a bit more for choice side butt. Blond, blue eyed bombshell Jeff Phoenix had all too brief a stint in the ring for BG East, but that all-over tan and magnificent physique surely ought to arise from the ashes for a comeback, don’t you think? And side butt that juicy needs a severe tongue lashing, if you ask me.

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It’s probably criminal to have any discussion of phenomenal asses without extensive homage paid to Mike Columbo’s legendary glutes. In my hiatus from following the scene, I’ve lost track of whether the Mike Columbo fanatics are still actively worshiping at his altar, but I still keep a candle light for two of the thickest thighs and the superhumanly proportioned profile of his most famous assets.

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But honestly, I was always more of a classic Mikey Vee fanatic than a Mike Columbo devotee. In Mikey’s early days at BG East, he was a devastatingly adorably bad ass in a baby face disguise.

I’ve got half a dozen other hot hunks for whom, I bet, I’d find scintillating shots of side butt, but I’m going to draw a line there rather than work on this post for days on end. You, however, can tell me who I missed in the comments!

The Heat Is On

July 20, 2016July 20, 2016 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Having recently moved, I’m getting accustomed to a lot of new things. The weatherman keeps reporting on “thund-uh-stoams.” There are apparently 100 ticks for every human being in the region. And it’s fucking hot.

Mitch Colby & Tyrell Tomsen in Wet & Wild 3

That last part makes me rethink my decision to ignore places with swimming pools in my housing search when I moved here a month and a half ago. I’ve always thought of pools as a pain in the ass. And, honestly, this climate calls for outdoor pools no more than about 25% of the year, so it seemed like a waste. But damn. It’s fucking hot.

Frey v Jersey (Water Wars) - TV - 123 of 256.jpg — Jersey & Frey in Water Wars 4

I’m sure I’ve posted here about my ambivalence about the swimming pool genre in homoerotic wrestling, but I’m too lazy right now to look it up for you (did I mention how hot it is?). So let me just reiterate. On the con side, pool wrestling too often submerges more than half of the available eye candy. Upper bodies are privileged as the only thing we can see most of the time (and neglecting attention to hot legs is another, more global complaint I make often). There’s probably about 80% of wrestling holds that just don’t translate to a pool. A Boston crab would likely lead to manslaughter charges.

Kid Karisma & Christian Taylor in Wet & Wild 5

But on the other end of the ambivalent spectrum, I love wet muscles. On that point, sweat, shower scenes, and oil wrestling tweak the same kink in me that pool wrestling does. There’s also something inherently playful about pool wrestling. Watching homoerotic wrestlers do it, it certainly appears to take many of them back to the same days of juvenile, carefree summers getting yelled at for horsing around in and around the pool, playfully bullying chums by seeing who can dunk the other, games of chicken, perched on top of each others’ shoulders and seeing who can topple whom.

h0612_lg — Kid Vicious demonstrates how standing headscissors take on a whole new significance in the pool in Wet & Wild 4

While I couldn’t stand an exclusive diet of homoerotic wrestling in the pool, like fresh corn on the cob and the sweetest of watermelons, it’s a seasonal treat that can work for me. Though I have to say I prefer it to conclude with bronzed bodies baking in the sun, making out naked poolside.

canadian-built-wrestle-club-3-dvd-026.41.jpg — Bodybuilders Jeff Renshaw & Brad Sargeant show of their physiques in Canadian Built Wrestle Club 3

Mason Brooks makes an OTK (and ball claw) work on Trey Dixon in Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament

Cole Cassidy & Rob Berlin’s muscles glisten in Wet & Wild 1

Soaking wet horseplay between Marco Guerra & Cole Cassidy in Wet & Wild 2

Billy Lodi grabs hold of Rafe Sanchez (mmmm, Rafe!) with everything in Catch Weight 3

Cam Hudson & Shane McCall check-in to post match muscle play in Motel Madness 3

Everyone’s a winner after Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament

Trey Dixon & Ty Alexander heat up the pool post Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament

Kid Karisma & Christian Taylor heat back up post pool match in Wet & Wild 5

In Catchweight 3, the brutal wrestling was heading just one direction: into the pool.

OTK

August 26, 2014 wrestlebard2 Comments

otkshannonvgenelli — The erotic art of an OTK backbreaker. Dirk Shannon and Peter Genelli are stunningly poised in this moment of total control from Canadian Musclehunks 8.

I recently commented that I’d trade most gay porn sex scenes for a mouthwatering over the knee backbreaker any day. This isn’t indicative of how I feel about sex, per se. I was pointing out that it’s the typical woodenness (not the good kind) and scriptedness of hardcore porn that I find less than fulfilling. However, it is indeed indicative of how I react to homoerotic wrestling, even when it’s sold with a pretty transparent script, and truth be told, the OTK backbreaker in particular works me every time. Even a poorly sold OTK makes my heart beat faster. But a truly exquisite OTK is a work of art that captures the essence of eroticism, domination, and combat that jerk my libido hard. When I think of the OTK backbreakers that have stuck with me, seared into my memory and making my pulse pound even in retrospect, here are few of the G-rated (well, let’s say PG-rated just for the extra prudish out there) examples that I’ve filed away for safe keeping and frequent consulting.

otkrochelle — From my first BG East crush, Fantasymen 18, Brad Rochelle bends like a gymnast and Jeff Phoenix exploits that flexibility beautifully.

otkdasilva — Kid Vicious never fails to make the most of an OTK, bringing gorgeously aroused Derek Da Silva to the edge of ecstasy and agony at the very same moment in Ball Bash 1.

otkdarius — Darius is the classic muscleman laid bare as Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) digs deep in Ringwars 16.

otkcruise — Vile Morgan Cruise uses Skip Vance’s lower leg to torture his boyfriend in a leg lock while simultaneously breaking Skip across his thigh in Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown.

otkzman2 — To of the finest bodies locked together in a beautiful display of muscle, balance, and flexibility as Tyrell Tomsen brutalizes Z-Man in Wrestle Revenge.

otkshippvhopkins — Simply gorgeous. Massively muscled Ted Shipp takes exquisitely sexy Beau Hopkins and stretches lays him out like a Thanksgiving feast in Canadian Musclehunks 6.

Sorting Out Asses and Dicks

May 20, 2014 wrestlebard2 Comments

dick&ass — I’m on the record as a big fan of asses and dicks.

When I think about how I present myself online, I think about this blog. The depths of my confessionals in the well over 1,000 posts I’ve composed over the past 5 years pretty much leave me feeling naked (and hungry). So when someone approaches me in a different online format, who has clearly never read the pages of this blog, it’s always a little disorienting. “You into wrestling?” someone asks on Facebook. Seriously? I mention BG East or Can-Am on Twitter and someone asks, “What’s BG East?” Whaaaaa?

So today’s post explaining the do’s and don’t’s of chatting me up on Facebook and Twitter is probably pitched to the wrong audience (because, obviously, you’re reading this blog). However, after several cease and desists and “unfriending” (aka, “fuck off, bitch”), I thought I’d just clarify how I manage who I am and how I socialize in the most misnamed technology in history: social media. First of all, I am an unapologetic gay man. If you try to strike up conversation or ask me to accept you as a “friend,” but you appear to be presenting yourself as a straight man, into just women, with a total lack of style and a frequent use of homophobic slurs, I will ignore you. Some of my closest friends are straight guys, mind you, but my quota of token straights in my life is filled at the moment. Same goes for the boobulous women complementing me on my abs. Wrong tree.

Now, an overt nod to wrestling in your profile or chatter is a major plus. Assuming you’ve made it through the first round of exclusion criteria above, I almost universally acknowledge those who approach me with an explicit connection to wrestling. The gay guys who approach me who seem to hold no fascination for wrestling tend to have about a 0.50 probability of me ignoring them. Which side of that coin you fall on probably depends on whether I’m already inserting you into a wrestling fantasy of mine by looking at your profile photo. Yeah, it’s all about me.

Speaking of which, regular readers of this blog know well that I’m a major fan and booster of hot asses and succulent dicks. Honestly, I’ve dragged you all along on quite a few rounds of “Name that Ass” and “Name that Cock,” so it should come as no surprise that I love asses and dicks. I’m still planning a revival of the “Name that…” games at some point, because, let me repeat, I love asses and I love dicks.

That said, metaphorical asses and dicks frequently make it through my initial two rounds of exclusion criteria above, and then get my boot later on. What qualifies one as a metaphorical ass who I don’t have time for? Rabid, right wing, Tea Party, misogynist, internalized homophobic, guns in every hand but save fetuses at all costs, racist, anti-immigrant bullshit qualifies one instantly as the sort of ass that I have no time for. That’s right. You may be gay and a wrestling freak, but if you shove your politics in my face and I find them abhorrent, I’ve moved on. I’m fine with you believing your wing-nuttery, but I’m not about to see it in my feed on a regular basis.

What qualifies one as a metaphorical dick that I can’t stand? There are a few signals to me that someone is a dick. “Hey fucker, I’m going to beat your ass and you’re going to take it,” is a pick up line that does not work for me in the sphere of social media. Buy me a couple of drinks, strip your rock hard body down to a jock strap, and serve up some sweet trash talk and sure, you’re back to being the sort of dick I love. Come on way too strong and insist on dominating without a basis of consensual amiability, and you’re coming across to me as the sort of dick I don’t have time for. Another signal of a distasteful dick is trashing people I care about and respect. Bitchy take downs and critiques of the bodies of homoerotic wrestlers in the business, for example, merits a “see ya,” from me. Thoughtful critiques of the homoerotic wrestling industry are lovely, but one-dimensional flaming of a particular company or product is just dickish.

dick2 — I repeat, I love dick. Not dickishness.

I don’t tend to respond much to “hey, stud, let’s cyber wrestle.” That doesn’t usually merit a delete from me, but I’ve said way too often that my dance card is full up at the moment. It comes close, but typically doesn’t quite cross the line when someone asks to share pirated homoerotic wrestling products. Again, if you read the pages of this blog, you know that I’m a big, big booster of the industry and want it to thrive and prosper. Intentionally pirating copyrighted material is awfully damn close to dickishness that I don’t have time for. You probably won’t get deleted, but I’ll try to pretend you didn’t just ask me that.

zman — Always room for more of the right type of ass.

Want to chat about your favorite homoerotic wrestler? Want to comment on dicks and asses (the good kind)? Want to steer me to a new company or product because you’re fucking love it to pieces and think I will too? Let’s virtually socialize! Care to offer a different opinion or take me to task because you think I’ve missed some essential hotness in my meanderings and musings? Love it. Be classy, gay, and within the brotherhood of homoerotic wrestling fans, and let’s connect. The other type of asses and dicks, keep moving.

Bouncing Back

May 14, 2014December 19, 2022 wrestlebard4 Comments

Out of the blue, I received a cold call message from none other than the homoerotic wrestling classic giant, Clint Morgan. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a fan of this classic heel from the early days of the homoerotic wrestling industry. Like so many wrestlers I’ve chatted with, Clint appreciates the kind word and sincere appreciation of his work. I, of course, asked for an interview. It took us a while to sort out the logistics, but we finally started. It took a little while for the conversation to warm up (as you’ll see), which I owe to my perpetually picturing big Clint beating the hell out of me if I said something irksome. Things did, indeed, start to warm up, though, and in fact I was surprised by the quantity of heat we tapped into. I probably shouldn’t have been, though. Have you seen this stud wrestle!? Talk about heat! Anyway, this should surprise absolutely no one that Clint Morgan has opinions, big, strong, ballsy opinions that he’s not shy about sharing. So settle in, put on your acid wash jeans, and remember the mullet as I sit down for a chat with one of the sexiest things to emerge from the 1980s.

Bard: Clint Morgan! Holy crap, this is such an honor to get to talk with you! You’ve haunted my wrestling fantasies ever since I first came across some of your matches for BG East. Are you still wrestling today?

Clint: Thank you. Only occasionally, private matches.

Bard: What wrestling experience did you have before wrestling for BG East?

Clint: I wrestled a friend many times while in high school. These were private and clad only in jockey briefs. Later I was studying martial arts when I saw an ad for BG Wrestling. I became a member, began receiving literature and pictures. Saw a solicitation for wrestlers and signed up. This was 1987.

Bard: Wow, BG East just opened up the mail and found Clint Morgan ready to wrestle?! Jackpot! What are some of your memories from when you were just starting to wrestle with BG East? Were you nervous? Excited? Turned on?

clint5 — Getting paid well to do something he loves

Clint: Not exactly BG East. It was BG Wrestling. Bill George contacted me, requested pics of me, forwarded them to Kid Leopard in Boston who contacted me. KL flew me up and did my first matches. Got paid well to do something I loved, and all the emotions you asked were there.

Bard: Oh sure! That portion of history where BG and BG East separated is fuzzy in my mind. You got your hands on some amazingly hot guys. Bryan, Scott Rogers, PJ, Shane McCall… Are there any memories on the mats or in the ring that stick out for you, good, bad, or ugly?

clint3 — Clint had Bryan right where he wanted him during their second match, featured in Demolition 2.

Clint: Oh yeah. I actually wrestled Bryan twice. Great guy and wrestler. Learned a lot from him technically. McCall was the toughest pro match and one of the hottest private matches in my life. All BG wrestlers were really cool guys.

Bard: I’ve heard from several BG wrestlers past and present that they felt a powerful camaraderie with the other wrestlers. It sounds like that was the case for you, too. Was there a closeness off camera that you think made the action on camera that much more intense? And is there any photographic or video evidence left of that hottest private match ever with hotty Shane?!

clint6 — Beautiful Shane McCall suffered long and hard when they met on camera in Wrestlefest 1.

Clint: It was a fraternal environment. Sadly, no video.

Bard: So I think of Clint Morgan, and I think 6’4″, stunningly sexy, devastatingly powerful, more than a hint of cruel sadist about him, take shit from no one, relishing an opponent’s screams of panicked submission, and making it all hurt a little longer than really necessary to get the point across. How much of that jives with your impression of who you were in front of the camera, and how much of it coincides with who you are off camera?

Clint: Your descriptive narrative is directly on point. Clint is only a character created from my own laughingly twisted psyche. Although if genuinely angered, as has happened in the past, he tends to show up and take over. A form of an alter ego. Thanks for the compliments, by the way.

Bard: Trust me, it’s my pleasure to get to tell you in person what a delight it is to watch you terrorize a wrestling opponent! You still have extremely loyal fans of your catalog. Were there any particular reasons you stopped showing up on camera?

clint4 — The match description refers to Clint as “bigger, nastier, wilder; this ultra stud is now and ideal s/m leatherdude icon cum to life!”

Clint: In life there are unavoidable challenges like the devastating loss of my hero and best friend: my father. Then I, for many years just wandered aimlessly. Still worked but lost purpose. Suffered depression and drug addiction but beat all of it without professional help and now 11 years clean. Going back to the gym and rebuilding my body.

Bard: All the respect in the world for the rough road you’ve traveled. So sorry for the loss of your father, but congratulations on your 11 years. I’m just going to assume you’re heading for the biggest comeback in BG East history, so who are some of the current wrestlers who you’d like to get your hands on first?

Clint: Tyrell Tomsen. Is that his name? [laughing] Big black stud who wrestled Braden Charron.

Bard: Hell yes! Tyrell is a fantastic choice to start with! Damn that body is incredible. Any ideas where you’d start when introducing him to the brutal world of Clint Morgan?

Clint: Abs, pecs, throat.

Bard: Yes. Yes. And Yes! Tyrell has faced some awesome competition, but I feel like he has yet to really encounter a full on session with a true heel. Would you like to face him in the ring? On the mats? In a back alley? In my living room?

Clint: Name it. But I want an all out rip ‘n’ strip match, no rules, winner take all.

Bard: In that case, I definitely want to see that happen in my living room! And by “all” I hope you’re referring to that stellar ass of Tyrell’s. He’s a stunning combination of being painfully pretty and incredible meaty. Is that a particular combo you like in an opponent?

Clint: I absolutely crave it. I like black, white, anybody built with a nice ass.

Bard: Hell yes, now we’re talking! Again, Tyrell has had his ass stripped a couple of times, but never by someone who seems to really appreciate it the way it deserves. Any other current wrestlers with asses you’d like to take possession of?

Clint: Dick Rick is another one that comes to mind. Cameron Matthews is also one that I would like to have a pro match with.

Bard: Holy crap, Dick Rick meets Clint Morgan in the ring, no rules, anything goes!? I’m swooning as we speak. And when it comes to Cameron, he’s grown into quite the beautiful specimen of beef lately. I’d also like to recommend Kid Karisma get on your short list. Two-time best butt winner? That irrepressible attitude? I’d give a kidney to see Kid K face the epic reboot of Clint Morgan!

Clint: I know Karisma from Colorado. Met him a couple years ago at a bar named Charlies, where I was a bouncer.

Bard: I think he’s packed on muscle mass in the past couple of years. Cute as a button and lives to bully. I think he definitely deserves a session with the bouncer. Can we talk numbers? Your BG East profile says you’re 6’4″. Is that an exaggeration, or are you seriously that tall?

Clint: 6’3” barefoot. Boots add an inch.

Bard: 6’3″ barefoot sounds pretty perfect to me. That’s a lot of real estate that I’ve seen you use to devastating effect. Are there holds that you feel make the most of that long body? Any particular moves that a whimpering Tyrell would find himself in?

Clint: Rack is my favorite, but I have many including abdominal stretch, Boston crab, surfboard, and the list goes on and on.

clint7 — Clint always makes the most out of his 6’3″ frame.

Bard: A rack from that height is a fantastic thing to see. Is there anything that you think is missing from today’s homoerotic wrestling industry that was there when you were taping? There’s a lot of “nostalgia” wafting around among wrestling fans, but I’m not sure if it’s really about what’s showing up on camera, or if it’s more about changing times, changing tastes, and rose-colored glasses about the early days.

Clint: Glad you brought that up. To some, what I and others did years ago seems primitive. Today what I see is pretty, gay, and gay-for-pay boys (like Rio Garza) who either don’t know how to wrestle or aren’t convincing attempting it. It is sad, but older, heavier guy don’t sell videos like young pretty boys do, and the proprietors of these video companies have sold out literally in my view. The days of good old school pro wrestling are pretty much gone. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good private sexfight/cockfight as much as anyone, but only with two guys who know how to dish and sell.

Bard: Tough words, which I’d expect no less from Clint Morgan! So if you were master of the universe for a day, you’d make more old school pro bouts happen, with better dish and sell? I’m with you. And including more mature bodies and skills alongside of the pretty young things? Absolutely. Anything else you’d make happen?

Clint: No gay-for-pay allowed. Reason: they won’t in most cases seal the deal if it got to that. And all would be properly schooled and instructed then totally rehearsed before ever appearing on video. I’m tired of this ridiculous and repugnant garbage these companies are putting out there. At least Van Darkholme’s guys can, for the most part, wrestle. Sadly not pro, but you get the idea.

Bard: You’re talking about Naked Kombat? I go back and forth with them. There’s a sweet intensity about their format, but the pornboys often are more heart than substance. And the sex round is often pretty rote and oddly formulaic for a pretty unscripted sense of the combat.

Clint: Agreed, but I didn’t mean to indicate they were perfect. Just in my view on average better than the others.

Bard: Any guys there that you’d like to get a good hold of and score points?

Clint: There’s a few. DJ wrestles pretty well.

DJ was always packing major league heat at Naked Kombat!

Bard: I completely agree about DJ. He was incredibly athletic and incredibly intense. So lean, downright skinny even, but kicked ass way above his weight class (not that NK has weight classes). If you could hand pick two lightweights to try to handle you, any particular duo (NK, BGE, whoever) you’d like to crush two at a time?

Clint: Gill Barrios and Kip Sorrell.

Bard: Tasty treat! Very, very nice lightweight combo. How would that one finish off, would you imagine? And please tell me it involves that Ken doll Kip gagging on his own trunks.

Clint: Yeah and Gil ‘s naked bod draped across Kip’s, with Gil’s cock in Kip’s open mouth.

kip — Clint Morgan has plans for Ken Doll Kip.

Bard: Perfection! Damn, I want to see your comeback. Your brutally honest critique of the state of the industry notwithstanding, I hope you don’t mind me putting this angle out there: Clint “the Bouncer” Morgan returns to clean house and bounce any pretty boy who can’t sell out of the business. Terrorize the gay-for-pay class. Brutalize the twinks who just want to look pretty. The Bouncer tosses the riff raff and becomes the antihero of 85% of homoerotic wrestling fans. What do you think?

Clint: LOVE IT!

Bard: Awesome. It’d sell huge among the fans I talk with. You get your 6’3″ body into the shape you need to pop Tyrell’s cork, and I’ll work on the buzz. I have to say, Clint, how pleased I am to get this glimpse of you. You are as engaging and provocative in your reflections as you are terrifying in action. And that’s saying a lot! Anything you’d like to say to your fans who are instantly lighting a torch for the dream to see you on camera again? Any words for the Clint Morgan devotees that think the industry was never quite as thrilling as when you where staring way, way down at a quaking opponent?

Clint: I am grateful to all of my fans. Grateful for their adulation and appreciation of my work. Without them I am nothing more than a vaudeville style freak show. So thank you all. Oh, and one last thing. Better watch your back, Tyrell!

tyrell2 — “You’d better watch your back, Tyrell!”

Bard: Hell yes! Will you keep me posted on how the training is going, what piece of fluff finds his way onto your bouncer list, etc?

Clint: Absolutely, Bard.

Bard: Fantastic! Well, I’ll say it again, this has been an outstanding pleasure. On behalf of a ton of fans I know, thanks for taking the time to let is know what you’re up to. All the very best for what lies ahead for you, and I’m desperately hoping that includes your return to the ring to clean house!

Clint: Thanks for the interview, Bard.

clint2 — Clint Morgan doesn’t hold back.

Throwback Thursday

March 20, 2014 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Never one to fail to jump on a bandwagon, my thoughts this Thursday are turned backward for a “Throwback Thursday” life review. As I approach the 5th anniversary (!!!?) of neverland, it strikes me often how time can be warped in my memory as I reflect on what I’ve posted here over the years. Some things I swear that I’ve harped on over and over, but when I do a systematic search, I discover I’ve perhaps mentioned just once in passing. Some things I think I’ve never, ever said, I discover (not infrequently pointed out by a reader) I’ve most definitely put into print. So today is a trip down memory lane, digging like a geologist into the strata of the years to consider what March 20 has meant in the life of neverland.

rhw3way — RHW came along less than a year after neverland.

My first March 20th post was 4 years ago today, and I was remarking on the still nascent offerings of Rock Hard Wrestling. Specifically, I reviewed RHW’s double match release of Brody Hancock v Cameron Davis as a double-header along with Brody & Shawn Lawson double-teaming (does that make it a quadruple-header?) imminently deserving Zack Johnathan. Back than I was full of critique and advice, probably a little too heavy handed with the wisdom. Time has taught me a little more humility, I think. I hope. In any case, I still say Brody’s double-layered trunks (does that make it an octuple-header?) was a buzz kill and wrestling for gay eyes should use at least 1/3 less fabric in constructing ring gear than straight-up mainstream pro. I haven’t posted on RHW in a while, after covering their releases pretty extensively years ago. Not sure why.

butt3 — I could stare at Tyrell Tomsen’s ass for weeks at a time!

A year leader, in 2011 I was playing Name That Ass, a game that I probably found a lot more fun that readers did. Then again, some of you played along, and even Queer Me Now covered the genre. And seriously now, what’s not to love about studying in exquisite detail finely crafted homoerotic wrestling asses? The asses teased in that March 20th post were, in order, Tyrell Tomsen, multiple best butt award winner Kid Karisma, Mark Wolff, John Magnum, and Coupe. No one posted a perfect score in that round. Perhaps I need to pull Name That Ass out of mothballs to give you more practice.

March 20, 2012 was a Bodies-Over-Time focus on the stunningly evolving body of BG East’s Charlie Panther. I’d just seen his newest release at the time, absolutely defining a squash against Tim Messina in Pros in Private 9 and earning the homoerotic wrestler of the month title around these parts. Homoerotic wrestlers of the month have continued to be a theme since I started handing them out, and Charlie was a most excellent entry into the HWOTM hall of fame. At some point, I should do some soul searching about what subsequent HWOTM say about me and my evolving/stagnating tastes.

gio — These could easily become the most trusted, not to mention gargantuan biceps in news!

Interestingly, last year on this date, I didn’t post at all. This was in the middle of a several-week drought, which happens not too infrequently around these parts. The nearest post was the day before, when I was resurrecting a theme that has possessed these pages since THE VERY BEGINNING, namely, Chris Cuomo and the need for more hotly muscled skin in the news. Specifically, I was extremely excited by the prospect of massively muscled Latino pretty boy Gio Benitez joining the reporting pool at GMA. GMA has yet to truly capitalize on the sheer magnetism of Gio’s mammoth pecs, but I still get a little giddy when I see him on air. I’m quite certain you will continue to read more about my ongoing obsession with new hunks.

It’s an interesting core sampling of what has made neverland hold my attention over the years, looking back at this date in history. Some things change. Some things stay the same (including periods of radio silence as life distracts me from what’s really important, homoerotic wrestling). And, as always, I just follow my fanaticism for the homoeroticism of wrestling where it takes me.

Friday Fashions

October 11, 2013October 10, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

I’m willingly channeling Joan Rivers for today’s flight of fancy for the sake of alliteration. God forbid two wrestlers show up for a match wearing the same gear, but honestly, there’s a finite number of choice, sexy homoerotic wrestling gear out there. It’s bound to happen. For example, we’ve seen the same eye-catching baby blue bikini trunks with yellow piping round the waist and thighs on several wrestlers, including (at least) Tyrell Tomsen, Joe Robbins, Dick Rick, and most recently, Brad Barnes. So, sure, we could easily debate for days which of these massive mountains of muscle would win in a battle royale ring rumble. But besides that, who wears those hot trunks best (or, alternately, who needs most to have them removed… with my teeth)? Of course, the correct answer is that we have to see them take them on and off in person to know for sure, but if you had to pick, who would it be? Vote below!