From Asses to Kissing

After Rudolph was the first to correctly identity the beautiful glutes in last week’s Name That Ass game, I asked him to name a topic he’d like to see a neverland post devoted to.  He named a classic figure from BG East yesteryears who, I completely agree, has been woefully neglected in the pages of this blog.  Honoring both Rudolph’s awesome game winner and the abundant merits of the sexy ass hunk in question, let’s chat just a bit about Sean Patrick.

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Sean “The Kisser” Patrick – 6’1″, 160 lbs., lips licensed to thrill.

Sean earned the name, “The Kisser,” by doing exactly that.  He used those luscious lips to lock on to an opponent mid-match and suck the fight right out of him.  He came out swinging in his notable debut against BG East fixture and ever-dangerous mat daddy, DW, in Undagear 2 (you may have to ask for it, since I don’t see it listed in the online catalog at this point).  A hot, long, sexy rookie leading with his lips is quite a way to establish your credentials, so it’s little wonder the BG East boys starting lining up to sample Sean’s wares.

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Sweaty Ted Hamill was apparently so satisfied by every inch of Sean’s body in Wrestleshack 3 that Ted never wrestled again!

I’ve mentioned before my impression that Christian Taylor became Sean’s heir apparent a few years later. The two bear more than a passing resemblance, at least in my estimation. Very similar body types. Less than an inch in height difference. Classically handsome, dark haired, luxuriously long. And they both have lips that absolutely scream out for some mid-match suckface.  Like Christian, there was an instant, intuitive homoerotic passion whenever Sean climbed on board. Kissing shows up with remarkable regularity with both of these pretty boys.

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Sean clearly had a major oral fixation!

Sean inaugurated the Sexy Showdown series at BG East in his sophomore release.  His opponent, Kurt Eriksen, came loaded for bear in order to work over the audacious rookie who had the nerve to completely distract Kurt’s buddy, DW, with those sexy lip locks.  So, in a way, the very concept of the Sexy Showdown franchise his built upon Sean’s searching, probing, aggressively grasping lips. There’s no need in Sexy Showdown 1 (or 2, or 3, or 4… Sean starred in them all) to read a homoerotic subtext.  The eroticism is right in your face, or, more accurately, planted squarely across the lips of his opponents.

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Iain Scott nearly rips Sean’s head off in his eagerness to taste those lips!

He regularly wrestled his way right out of his gear, and the lovely, lean stunner had an ever-ready rod proportionally long and, appropriately enough, a magnet for the mouths of many opponents. Sean broke-in epic muscle stud Iain Scott in Sexy Showdown 3, and the meat of both of these incredible studs played prominently in the explosive finish. In Showdown 4, Sean’s sword was once again unsheathed by sweaty muscle pig Bud Orton, who uses Sean’s incapacitation in a steamy figure-4 headlock to make the Kisser lose his load, and the match, but in Sexy Showdowns, who really loses?

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Hottest homoerotic wrestling finish in history? This has got to be a contender!

Sean also helped inaugurate the Tag Team Torture franchise, starring in what I continue to think of as the paradigmatic example of the essence of homoeroticism in wrestling by teaming up with Patrick Donovan and running into the brutal heel-buzzsaw of vicious, sadistic, perpetually horny Cruze and Jose.  There’s so much right about that bout. The pitch perfect positioning of beautiful, lean babyfaces staring down meaty, hungry heels is spot on.  Sean and his brave compatriot, Patrick, play their parts with skills that no pair of rookies should be able to, bravely flinging themselves again and again into the breach.  And the 2-on-1 double teams, brutal humiliation, and total disregard for common decency of Cruze and Jose send this match hurtling headlong into a genre-defining moment, as Sean and Patrick are stripped naked (Cruze also peels off his own trunks, but just because he’s so fucking turned on!), brutalized, and stacked like cordwood in an innovative double-dose suffering of a camel clutch/boston crab combination.  Just for kicks, and judging by the size of Cruze’s erection, he’s getting a major kick out of it, the heels finally force the doomed babyfaces into face-to-face simultaneous camel clutches, topping off (me) the homoeroticism by forcing the humiliated twosome to suck face on command.  That’s got to be in my top 5 most insanely sexy matches!

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Sean commandingly put Ian Nesbitt right where he wanted him.

Sean cemented his credentials as one of the founding fathers of explicit sexiness in homoerotic wrestling by starring in two X-Fights, first against Dick the Prick in X-Fights 22, then against Ian Nesbitt in X-Fights 23.  Check out this sizzling match description of The Kisser at the peak of his wrestling prowess and reputation:

“As this erotic epic begins “the Kisser” traps cute Ian in a vicious spladle neckcrank and the tone is set for some very aggressive mat mayhem. The feisty Scot counters with a ballgrab and a surfboard submission, but that just provokes Sean’s mean streak: Ian soon finds his face repeatedly forced into Sean’s crotch, wedged under his bare feet, defenseless against Sean’s infamous liplocks! After Ian “wedgies” his trunks, Sean cranks on a nasty boston crab and then makes him scream in a surfboard. Visibly horny, Sean strips the now less-resistant Ian, trapping him in a nude guillotine/legsplit complete with cocklock and kissing! More humping, more feet in face, with Ian finally “exploding” his load trapped in Sean’s figure-4 headscissors. As Ian cries “I submit,” Sean shoots his load on the Scot’s pretty face. Intensely erotic mat punishment. HOT!”

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Simply too satisfying for Sean?

Sean’s final match. as far as I can tell, was against his former tag team partner Patrick Donovan in Submissions 6.  Apparently there was no love left by the time the two lean stars collided on the mat.  Maybe the shared public humiliation at the hands of Cruze and Jose was what ratcheted up their Submissions 6 collision to such a vicious, fevered pitch.  There was still kissing, of course, but holy fuck, it was so brutal, so aggressive!  They nearly rip each other’s heads off in this battle. Face sitting, crotch-ripping, neck-wrenching full nelsons and tit-for-tat guillotines… maybe this was always going to be about determining who has to walk away with the lion’s share of the Tag Team Torture 1 shame. Whatever the reason, we don’t seem to have heard from The Kisser since settling his score with Patrick.

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WANTED: The Kisser!

So, on behalf of Rudolph, let me just put this out there into the ether: what did ever happen to Sean Patrick!? Is he still wrestling somewhere?  Is he a corporate banker with 3 kids and a 4th wife? Rudolph wants to know, and I’m first in line if anyone can track The Kisser down for an interview.   Spread the word. Lots of us have plenty of love left for Sean Patrick!

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