Muscle Newsbreak

The race to titillate consumers of news with hotly muscled newsboys seems an ill-kept secret. I suspect we have been socially programmed to find men with baritone voices as the most trustworthy sources of information, and I know for a fact we are profoundly socialized to prefer pretty, fit people, even when the context of their beauty is meaningless to their function. So having big, juicy pecs and peaked biceps that strains the seems of your shirt sleeves has no bearing on the validity or importance of the news they deliver, and yet it’s no accident that news media are dominated by such hot, sexy hunks.  It’s also no accident that these hunky journalists work it hard. And as a result, it should come as no surprise at all that they inspire an imaginative homoerotic wrestling kink consumer like me to fantasize about throwing their fine asses into a wrestling ring and watching the upright studs go from earnestly selling trustworthiness to all-in erotic professional wrestling.  And they keep fueling my fantasies with hot muscle teases.

wragge
Chris Wragge flexes in a wet t-shirt.

For example, take a hunky, 6’3″ news anchor with thick, hot pecs who douses himself in ice cold water to show off his physique in a wet t-shirt for charity. Of course, the bitter cold makes him “involuntarily”‘ flex his hot body. Chris Wragge is bringing awareness to something, but I don’t think it’s primarily ALS. Not that I’m complaining.

muir
David Muir flexes in a black polo.

Studpuppy on the rise David Muir has just recently planted his hot ass in the anchor’s chair of ABC Nightly News, propelled I’m sure in part by the compelling work he does such as when he spotlighted an African American ballet dancer a few days ago. Apropos of nothing, he chatted with her in the summer sunshine, showing off his tan in a short sleeve black polo. His arms stay bent the entire time, coincidentally showing off his meaty biceps. And when the camera catches him just right in profile, check out his perky pecs bulging to sweetly.

muir2
Hot anchorman pecs!

Online commenters have noted the chemistry between David and rising star correspondent Gio Benitez, who’s been a major infatuation of mine lately. Gio gets fluff pieces like being sent to interview the ankle biter with a dearth of humility who charmed everyone (but me) by prattling on on live television news about a week ago.  However, Gio makes more than the most of this nonsense by wearing a supertight yellow button up shirt that shows off his gorgeously bulging torso. The seams on his shirtsleeves deserve an award for managing to hold as he bends his arm to hold the microphone in front of the kid’s face, coincidentally flexing his bicep for the camera. At one point he looks put out having to squat low (was it a leg-day, Gio?) to get down on the rugrat’s level, and as he leans forward the buttons down the front of his shirt nearly pop open, giving a half a dozen glimpses of the hot mass flexing underneath. The repeatedly interrupted toss back to  the anchor’s desk totally screws with David Muir who keeps thinking the piece is over.

gio
Gio Benitez flexes in a supertight yellow button-up.

The gentle pranking between Benitez and Muir makes me picture the two of them sparring in the ring good-naturedly, muscle hunk Gio taunting and teasing the upperclassmen star anchor desk quarterback. Gio dominates an initial test of strength, powering David submissively to his knees. David battles back to his feet, not about to be humiliated by the freshman, and breaks the hold with a kick to Gio’s lower abs. They laugh off the physical tension building between them as step back, give nods of respect, and then lock up again. Gio quickly hip tosses David to his back and drops an elbow across the handsome hunk’s sternum. David struggles to reinflate his lungs, but still manages to suddenly snap his long legs around Gio’s head and squeeze some hot, painful grunts from the youngster. The tanned Muir flexes his hot thighs as they bulge around his opponent’s skull for half a minute, until the youngster gathers his wits and kicks free.  They laugh good-naturedly again, but there’s more wariness, more caution, more ego just beneath the surface. They lock up again, but Gio quickly snaps his gargantuan right arm around David’s head and cranks hard, dragging the side of the Muir’s handsome face across Gio’s ridged obliques. Smoothly, the veteran counters, slipping free and wrenching that massive right arm of Gio’s behind his back in a hammerlock, making the kid defensively rise to the balls of his feet and gasp in pain, his meaty pecs bouncing. David quickly transitions to a headlock, and instantly follows with a hip toss, holding onto Gio’s head as they slam to the mat.  David presses hard, shoving the kid’s face into his right pec. Gio attempts to kick free, but his skull is wedged way too tight. He’s seeing stars with the pressure bearing down on his temples. He pushes at David’s side, trying to force a break, but the headlock is cinched in like a vice. David taunts the kid a little, leaving it unclear whether it’s good natured teasing or some alpha dog psych out. Apparently Gio takes it the wrong way, because his right hand abruptly locks onto David’s balls through the fabric of his trunks.  The anchorman screams and falls to his back, his hands instinctively stretching down to gently, pleadingly cover Gio’s claw. The muscle kid crawls up to his knees and pulls upward, dragging David’s throbbing hips off the mat by the crushing claw locked onto his testicles. Gio crawls across David’s body, facing his opponent’s feet and still holding the claw tightly, now squatting across the anchorman’s upper chest. Slowly he sits down, his big, hard glutes settling smotheringly across Muir’s sputtering mouth. Gio leans back farther, making David bridge higher into the air, a scream of angry protest muffled beneath Gio’s bubble butt.

davidgio
Newsboy powercouple.

At least, that’s where my mind goes…

2 thoughts on “Muscle Newsbreak

  1. Those stories, Bard, you know what they do to me!

    How much less depressing watching the news would be if these men were reporting shirtless?

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