I often think the producers at Good Morning America are geniuses. For example, they cast such epic hunks as Chris Cuomo as regulars, David Muir as substitutes, and smoking hot Matt Gutman and Gio Benitez as correspondents. Then there are moments when I’m convinced they are irredeemable morons, like when they passed over Cuomo to give George Stephanopoulos the anchor chair, and then again, last Friday, when they scheduled the entire on-air crew to do the ice bucket challenge on a day when Gio Benitez was not on set!

For those just tuning in or paying woefully inadequate attention, Gio is one of the rising young stars in mainstream news media, propelled in no large part by the strain of the seams of his suit coats due to his massively bulging biceps. I mean, the kid is huge. I’m pretty sure we’ve never seen him directly adjacent to George because the handsome Greek would look like a 4 year old in comparison. The on-air personalities have been picking up on Gio’s obvious assets, such as when the women were fanning themselves after Gio’s segment on surviving rip tides, in which he poured himself into a skin tight water-t and board shorts. When Gio announced yesterday that he would be doing his own ice bucket challenge, they all chimed in by pointing out that they’ve frequently seen the challenge conducted shirtless, wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

Gio did, indeed, permit himself to be doused in ice water, and you know for a fact I was studying that slice of heaven frame by frame for hours on end. The bodybuilding rookie made the fashion faux pas of wearing an albeit extremely tight but knit button up shirt. If you are unclear why this is a faux pas, go back to last Friday’s assessment of David Muir’s more seasoned and perfected ice bucket challenge, in which he wore a thin, white button up that instantly became transparent before water even managed to touch it.  Gio’s pastel green knit shirt remains stubbornly opaque, though it does instantly suck to his bulges and crevices alluringly. However, again, the rookie insists on pulling the soaked fabric away from his body, refusing to permit an unadulterated view of the topography in relief beneath.  Silly rookie.  Still, nothing can quite disguise those mountainous pecs (though there was something even more erotic about David’s nipples on full display), and check out the lat spread when Gio twists around! Holy shit, that back is massive! Honestly, a wrestling opponent would have to cinch on a bearhug seriously low, because most arms would simply not be able to reach around that circumference. And until that beef is stripped and standing toe to toe in a wrestling ring, the fullest potential of phenomenal Gio is going to go unrealized.  Speaking of which…

… last my imagination had hold of them, Gio and David Muir were locked in an increasingly bitter wrestling tussle. You may remember it started all friendly like, but when Gio decides to try to rip David’s balls off, things get ugly. The savvy veteran manages to not only escape the cock and ball torture, but slaps the bulging newsboy down across his thigh in an OTK backbreaker, sliding his hand inside Gio’s trunks to start crushing the hunk’s balls in retribution. “Oh, fuck!” the junior newsboy shouts in pain. David’s hand squeezes and pulses furiously beneath the taught fabric, playing his colleague viciously. The kid’s big, thick pecs get an appreciative stroke from the senior anchor with his free hand. So much newsboy to get a hold of. Abruptly, David rises to his feet, unceremoniously rolling his opponent off his knee. He places his right foot in the middle of Gio’s wide back, shoving the rookie down to his face when he tries to lift himself up to his hands and knees. David lifts his arms and flexes his biceps, posing for nothing but the deep satisfaction it gives to preen and strut over top of the upstart muscle correspondent. “Stay down, fucker,” David snaps.  Gio disobeys, twisting to his side and grabbing his opponent by the ankle.  He sweeps David’s leg out from underneath him, dropping the senior anchor to his ass. The rookie launches himself on top of him, but David rolls to the side, letting his opponent’s momentum carry them over until it’s the senior anchor mounted on top in a schoolboy pin. Gio furiously struggles to unseat him, but David swiftly scoots forward, straddling Gio’s head.  He rolls to his side while lacing his legs together, dragging his colleague over with him until Gio’s head is trapped in a deep face-to-crotch figure-4. David grabs hold of the youngster’s hair and pulls Gio’s face hard against his swelling bulge. “That’s the smell of second place, kid,” David crows in his deep baritone. “Get used to it.”

That’s how I see it playing out, at least…