I enjoyed quite a bit of homoerotic wrestling new releases in June. So I had plenty to choose from when it came to sitting down and considering who entertained me most, who turned me on hardest, who stuck with me longest in my homoerotic wrestling imagination. My top two contenders for the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month were opponents in the same match. And although I have a Pavlovian response to the one sensational veteran muscle man in the mix, it’s the relative newcomer that grabbed the spotlight and grabbed me by the balls. So with considerable enthusiasm on my part, I announce that my new homoerotic wrestler of the month is…
… Marco Carlow.
Marco is the cover boy for BG East’s catalog 109.2 web feature for a reason. Undagear 23 is only his 3rd appearance, but there’s star quality in those twinkling brown eyes, the Don Johnson carefully coiffed day-old facial hair, and especially that classically proportioned, sensationally meaty, aesthetically mouthwatering physique. This is his first time taking the crown as HWOTM, and he managed to squeak by one of the most commandingly favorite fantasymen in my personal collection of favorites.
There are plenty of times when a homoerotic wrestling match implies a lot more than it delivers. Having been enlisted on many occasions to write match descriptions for new releases for BG East, I’ve been very aware of the delicate balance of enticing and tantalizing while not misleading. Undagear 23 proposes to deliver a muscle hunk on muscle hunk mat beatdown, with tons of ass slapping, forced-to-flex fun culminating (I daresay, climaxing) in one gorgeous physique star stripped out of his briefs and left flexing entirely naked for exactly one purpose: to get you and me off. Praise be to the homoerotic wrestling gods, because damn it all if that is not exactly what we get when a voracious Kid Karisma gets his hands, and most every other part of his sculpted body, all over beefcake pin-up boy Marco.
Marco is flexing in the mirror in nothing but bulging hugging yellow briefs before Kid K arrives for the match. I’ve spilled a boatload of virtual ink over Marco before, but there’s something about him here that just lights my fuse all over again. He’s in phenomenal shape, even for his never miss superhuman conditioning. His pecs are pumped to perfection. Huge, gorgeous biceps. Quads that scream out for a gallon of baby oil and a devoutly adoring worshipper (I’ve got someone in mind). He’s understated, not supremely cocky like so many wrestlers, which in Marco’s case does nothing but exponentiate his over the top sexiness. He doesn’t need to talk himself up because the evidence of his outrageous exceptionality is so completely unmistakable. And we learn quickly that this Greek god so deliciously pumped is about 4 weeks out from taking the stage at a bodybuilding competition. Fuck, I’m pushing the pause button to cool myself down long enough for Kid Karisma to arrive!
Kid K starts needling him the moment he arrives. This fact alone astonishes me like few others: apparently Kid K has never competed in a physique competition. What the fuck? I’ve been lobbying for him to win best body at BG East for years because, well, FUCK, look at him! He flexes in Marco’s face asking for the bodybuilder’s assessment. Marco gives Kid K credit for sweet (sweet, sweet, sweet!) muscle mass and definition, but he slights the slightly manic superstar for his lack of posing expertise. There’s a grace and poise about Marco’s side chest pose transitioning like foreplay into a seductive, eye popping side tricep. He squeezes slow and hard, showing off not just the final product, but the beautiful transit of his gorgeous muscles contracting like a wave across his body. Kid K is his typical impatient, in your face, 0 to 60 in a half second self, flashing all the same poses, even measuring up quite nicely as far as I’m concerned, but I have to admit, I sort of agree with Marco. The ginger muscle hunk could use some posing pointers. Of course, taking constructive criticism doesn’t sit so well with fan favorite Kid K. He out hustles flat footed Marco, taking the bodybuilder to the mat with authority and riding that glorious ass for days. So much perfection in Marco’s competition ready physique brings out one of the most relentless, humiliating performances I’ve ever seen from Kid K. He doesn’t just bully him. He doesn’t just control him at will. He demonstrates at every turn that he can shove anything and everything in Marco’s leading man face.
There are several squashes in BG East’s 109.2 catalog, but this match is far and away the most intensely satisfying of them all, for my tastes. There’s this heart pounding point about 2/3 of the way through when Marco is fucking chugging away on nothing but fumes. He’s explained repeatedly that he’s carb deprived as he cuts down for the bodybuilding stage, which earns him nothing but scorn and taunts from rugby fanatic Kid Karisma, who’s quick to explain to his beefcake opponent that rugby and wrestling are real men’s sports (and they encourage well-fueled bodies). Both of their bodies are dripping with oceans of sweat, their phenomenal muscles glistening and shimmering under the lights. Marco’s sweat drenched briefs have been wedged hard up between his muscled ass cheeks, giving us unobstructed view of those glorious glutes and Kid K unobstructed territory to smack. Hard. Often. Enthusiastically. The ginger veteran drags the bodybuilder up to his knees, and standing behind him, forces Marco to see himself battered and owned in the mirror. Kid K grabs his scruffy chin in one hand, twisting his head, forcing his eyes forward, as he commands the bodybuilder to flex some more. With each flex, Kid K shows off his own mountainous muscles in reply. Marco is battered, compliant, a plaything for Kid K to stroke his own ego to full erection. Total ownership. 100% sizzling hotness.
Just to be clear, while this is a phenomenal squash, Marco doesn’t just take it. He fights. He muscles his way to a few escapes. When Kid K slaps his ass, over and over and over, he starts getting pissed. But when the heel slaps him hard in the face, the easy going humility of the bodybuilder evaporates into raw anger. He may be carb deprived, but he’s just so damn strong! He gives Kid K a whole lot of trouble, and yet, still, with expertise and command of a seasoned homoerotic wrestling heel, the veteran rises above anything Marco tries to throw at him. When Marco is really good and done, when he can barely pry his massively muscled body off the sweat stained mat, that’s when Kid K swoops in and yanks those wasted yellow briefs off of Marco’s lovely ass. The winner poses over top of his beefcake prey. He taunts and humiliates him some more, and then storms off, looking like he’s ready to swallow an extra-large pizza whole.
If that’s where it ended, I’d score this match highly. And I’d probably hand the HWOTM title to Kid K for doing so exceedingly well what he does best. But slowly, Marco peels his naked body off the wet mat. He examines his beaten and battered physique carefully, I assume looking for bruises that might mar the physical perfection he’s working on for the stage. And then, like he’s reading my mind, Marco turns to the mirror again and starts flexing. Completely naked. Muscles still glistening with Kid K’s sweat all over him. His thick, flaccid phallus and testicles dangling enticingly as he pumps his gorgeous muscles. He’s exhausted. He says so, several times, and still he keeps flexing his beautiful naked physique, for no other reason than the fact that you and I are going ape shit on our side of the screen. This is where he suddenly snatches the title from Kid K’s hands as far as I’m concerned. If Kid K had stuck around to watch, to keep throwing taunts, gratuitously unfair criticisms while Marco poses naked, I’d probably still hand this to the ginger king. If Kid K had done all that and eagerly peeled out of his own briefs to insist on a fully naked side-by-side, pose-by-pose comparison, I probably would have enshrined Kid Karisma as emperor for life of my homoerotic wrestling favorites. But there’s just something so sincere, so vulnerably earnest about Marco’s naked fineness flexing and gasping and dangling there, post-match, that makes this homoerotic wrestling fan absolutely go nuts for the beautiful, battered bodybuilder.
You want to see this sensationally satisfying finish, so purchase the DVD. If you’re like me, you’ll want to make this sweat soaked, naked muscleman your screen saver, so settle in with some gatorade and sign onto the BG East Arena for full monty photos. Marco Carlow has never failed to set me off, but this time around, he’s turned me into a full throttle Marco-man, battling exhaustion and complete humiliation to not just wrestle the best for our entertainment, but then to climb back up and give you and me a jaw-dropping, nothing to hide, entirely naked muscle worship session, because Marco clearly wants to be worshipped as much as I want to worship him. I hope getting his fine body wiped all over the mat a 3rd time doesn’t set this phenom off future appearances, because I’m gagging for a whole lot more. In the mean time, around these parts, this is Marco month, and Marco Carlow is unquestionably my homoerotic wrestler of the month.