Tag: Ethan Andrews

Crowning a New Champion

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Lon Dumont: my instant infatuation

The first glimpse I ever had of Lon Dumont piqued my interest.  He was handsome and lean with beautiful muscles and a strikingly hot shaved head.  Sprinkle some salt in the crevices between his six-pack abs, stick a slice of lime in that mouth, and I’ll bring the tequila!  But while Lon was undeniably attractive in still frame, when I saw him wrestle Eddy Rey in what I still think is the sexiest forced-to-flex match I’ve yet seen, I was completely captured.  The swagger, the strut, the cocky trash talk… before Eddy even hoists his long muscle bod over the top rope to climb in, Lon already had me completely entranced.  Then that body and that attitude providing the platform for a completely self-possessed, high quality pro wrestling beatdown sold me lock, stock and barrel.  It didn’t take long for him to slide his hot ass into the top ranks of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers.

Lon is all smiles and good natured respect before a match
Lon was a finalist for votes in BG East’s Top Heel of 2012, but honestly, I think he’s hard to pigeonhole.  He typically starts out a match on an optimistic note.  He’s usually the first to show some respect for an opponent.  Out of the starting gate, Lon is more self-assured, good-natured, and witty than vicious, snarling or hell-bent on humiliation.  But then poke him a bit, as opponents always do, and you’ll get a rise out of him.  He’ll go from 0 to 60 in a split second.  It’s common to hear Lon muse wistfully, “It didn’t have to be this way,” in brief pauses between pounding the shit out of a dazed and confused opponent.  I get the impression Lon would enjoy it if his wrestling matches were gentlemanly contests of strength, skill and stamina between mutually respectful athletes.  Is this the mindset of a heel?  I’m not sure.  Then again, once he’s been provoked, once yet another cocky hunk has miscalculated the incredibly lean, aesthetically gorgeous physique star, the depth of his snarling, punishing cruelty is an astonishing thing to watch.  Thus provoked, the brutality stretching from corner to corner, trapped in the ropes, hair pulled, contempt raining down as Lon isn’t satisfied with literal victory, but insists on delivering complete humiliation and ego crushing psychological domination, certainly has the strong whiff of a highly accomplished heel.
Big Joe shows no respect
In Lon’s terribly mismatched ring battle with giant Joe Robbins in Gut Bash 8, he invited the massive side of beef in the ring with him to compare physiques.  As with most masses of muscle who climb into the wrestling ring, Joe is looking at different criteria in his side-by-side comparison.  Aesthetically, considering proportion, definition, overall conditioning, and the balance of leanness with muscle mass, Lon my be 95 pounds lighter and over half a foot shorter, but he’s head and shoulders above big Joe.  Lon gently insists on respect from the big man (which, of course, he doesn’t get) on every comparison of body part by body part until they get to flexing their quads.  Lon is the first to acknowledge that big Joe simply has him beat in that department.  Honestly, one of Joe’s upper thighs is about as thick as Lon’s waist (which says wonders about both bodies), but Lon puts it right out there that he’s got major work to do to get his legs in as mind-boggling a shape as his diamond carved abs.  Big Joe doesn’t give a flying fuck about Lon’s bodybuilding trophies and near approximation of perfect physical conditioning. The 240 pounder beats the living daylights out of my long time wrestler crush, determined to prove the point that his own undeniably strong, less defined abs are more “useful” than the living anatomy chart next to him.  I’m unconvinced that he proved that point, rather than establishing the fact that a 7 inch height advantage and a 95 pound weight advantage is hard to beat.  For my tastes, Lon takes the mugging like the champ he is, as exquisite in dining on suffering as he is on dishing it out.  But I’ll admit that my long-time infatuation with him strongly influences my interpretation of events.
Lon keeps improving on perfection

Lon has since been superseded in the ranks of my favorites by ass-tastic party boy Kid Karisma, but that’s hardly the extent of the changes.  As Hair Stakes illustrates, Lon is nothing short of shaggy these days, coming an incredibly long way from his former shaved scalp.  And of course Ethan Andrews is a mop head as well, establishing the highly entertaining premise of this match: loser loses his locks.  There’s been a good deal of armchair hairstyling from Lon fans, debating which “do” he rocks the best. Me, I’d sell my firstborn to get my hands all over him at any phase of his follicle development, though I have to admit I’ve got a big, roaring hard spot for watching Ethan wrap his fingers in Lon’s curls and drag him screaming across the ring.

Lon’s got a new hairdo and brand new bulging quads!

But holy hell, let’s not allow the title and explicit story of this match to distract us from the rest of what’s developed about Lon since I first fell in lust with him in Fantasymen 32.  He’s been through about 2 and a half competitive bodybuilding seasons since then, and his already worship-worthy body has come a long way.  Most provocatively for this viewer, Lon’s legs are phenomenal!

Hair Stakes, definitely… but look at those upper legs!

He’s certainly not going to get any more respect from big Joe Robbins, I’m sure, but a casual observer (or a rabid Lon Dumont fanatic, like me), has got to admit he’s packed on muscle mass while maintaining that insane, lean conditioning.  I think it helps that he’s not wearing knee pads, so we can see the mountainous heads on those lower quads (note to Lon: don’t wear knee pads).  But no one in their right mind can argue with the fact that like his hair, his legs have come a long, long way.

Lon takes the situation firmly in hand.

Having obsessed about his phenomenal body yet again, let me also repeat that Lon’s mouth continues to be one of the sexiest assets this stud brings with him in an already deep, deep arsenal of sexy assets.  Ethan is also a notorious trash talker.  His bread and butter at Rock Hard Wrestling is taking pretty muscle boys by surprise and destroying them in body while crushing them in mind and soul with his razor sharp tongue.  And perhaps that was his game plan when he climbed into the ring with Lon: one more muscle head to be taken for granted by only to out hustle with experience and dirty tricks along the way to watching them whither underneath an endless onslaught of ego bursting trash talk.  Verbally, the offense is Ethan’s from the start, because you know, Lon would have been just as happy to settle this like gentlemen.  Ethan is many things, but I can’t imagine he gets called a gentlemen often at all, at least not by his opponents.  He tells Lon he looks like a lesbian, which gets a slight chuckle and an eye roll from the bodybuilder.  Ethan drips condescension as he suggests Lon looks like a cancer patient in a bad wig.  Lon sneers and throws in another eye roll at both bad taste and poor humor.  But when Ethan suggests that Lon has crows feet, and that he’s probably getting too old to stay in the high impact game, Lon’s foot puts the pedal to the metal.  Note to future opponents: Lon does NOT like being mistaken for someone older than he is (how old is he?!).

Ethan is a master at serving up a dish of battered muscleboy most appealingly.

At the top of Ethan’s assets in homoerotic wrestling is his uncanny ability to not only make a pretty muscle boy suffer, but to display him so seductively.  When on offense in Hair Stakes, this match is no exception for him. He squeezes and stretches Lon’s bodybuilding competition-ready physique mouthwateringly.  He’s savvy and vicious and tenacious like a terrier (which is incredibly hot to me), and he sprinkles in verbal domination and slowly humiliating corporal punishment into this incredibly (and hilariously) sexy battle in which long hair is used by both battlers in delightfully creative, agonizing ways.

Lon’s lovely hamstrings and perfectly positioned ass!

With the extensive experience of both of these wrestlers, it should come as no surprise that the pace is relentless.  There’s little time spent jockeying for who’s on top because both boys are decisive and expert at applying holds.  It’s a chess match.  Move and counter, advantage secured then lost.

Lon’s curls bounce as he locks on a game changer.

But like so many smart ass hunks before him, Ethan can’t quite keep up with Lon’s barrage of trash talk or his mastery of the ring.  Lon subdues the scrapper by shutting his mouth for good, putting him out cold and displaying almost every one of his own mouthwatering muscles to perfection each step along the way.  Between being so beautifully displayed by young Ethan and then showing what all those pretty, pretty muscles are good for, this match does something momentous to me.  It stokes my Lon-mania back to full blast and results in the rare event of a change in the rankings of which wrestler owns me the hardest.

I’d trade places with Ethan here any… damn… time!

That’s right, Lon has upended (which, let’s face it, may be Kid Karisma’s best side anyway) Kid Karisma to decisively make me put the crown of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler on his shaggy head.  Kid K is no more than half a step behind him by my count, so the competition is arousingly tight for the title.  I still give Eli Black the edge on a match by match comparison of Hair Stakes with Gut Bash 10 for the homoerotic wrestler of the month title.  But in the overall rankings, Hair Stakes gives Lon just the boot up on idle Kid K that he needs to climb to the top and sit very, very pretty.

Reader’s Choice Poll – OTK Delights

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“Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup….”  I’ve been quiet around here lately, but I’m happy to report that it’s not a sign of writer’s block.  In fact I’m writing a lot, and on several different projects, all of which I’m finding very enjoyable and exciting.  You’ll have a chance to see it all sooner or later, but for now I’m designating today for a “reader’s choice poll” to make you all do some of the heavy lifting around here!
I’m on board with team Shutt!
Before we get to the poll, however, I want to make this brief shout out to a particular fan of this blog who made a special appeal for neverland readers to support his burgeoning, ass-kicking career.  My shirt for team Shutt arrived, and it fits great.  I’m looking forward to regular reports documenting his rise  through the ranks of hardbodied battlers, and I’m fully expecting him to generously remember those of us who were hopping on his bus way back when he was just a newbie with an attitude.  Readers can still order their own shirt, promoting and supporting the MMA career of a driven young man who appreciates all of our support.
Now, however, let’s move onto today’s assignment.  Homoerotic wrestling fans frequently have special g-spots for particular pieces of the complex puzzle of wrestling eroticism.  For example, Joe at Ringside at Skull Island recently posted that he’s a thighs-and-shoulders-man more than an abs-and-ass-man, whereas when it comes to someone like Kid Karisma, I’m entirely fixated on those world class glutes!  Same thing goes for many other aspects of wrestling, including holds and maneuvers.  There have been virtual rivers of virtual ink spilled by raging fanatics of bearhugs, for example.  There was for a while (I seem to have lost my link) a blog devoted to the erotic power of the bodyslam.  Regular readers know my particular kink is tweaked hardest by a hard, lingering, sweaty, spine realigning over-the-knee backbreaker.  So the reader’s choice poll for today is to sample the recent OTK backbreakers in new releases and select the one that’s the sweetest example of how exquisitely sexy this maneuver can be.  Like a tango, it takes two, but I’m convinced it’s the boy getting backbroken who sells this maneuver most, so the boys up for your vote are on the receiving end of this particular delight. Check out the nominees below, and then vote in the poll to the right.
Hooper’s trunks rise to vote for him for best wrestler in an OTK backbreaker.
Speaking of having spilled virtual ink, I’ve already waxed fanatical about the chemistry generated in the Thunder’s Arena recent release, Mat Rats 21.  The surprise star of the show is that growing bulge in Hooper’s trunks, god bless him, but possibly the most perfect moment in this match for me is when big (and I mean BIG) Austin Wolf pounds Hoop’s back down across his thigh and then leaves the little studpuppy slowly cracking in half.  Hoop’s agony is nothing short of sublime, and the rising tide in his trunks totally catches me off guard for it’s erotic appeal.
Rookie Gold Mantis bends like rubber while getting crotch-clawed by the master.
Gold Mantis learns immediately upon entering the gym to be careful what he wishes for (and wishes to avoid).  Within seconds, his #1 nightmare, Cage Thunder, has the hardbodied rookie locked up tight and cracked backward across his thigh. And can Gold Mantis bend or what!? Damn, a hot, hard body like that that’s also as limber as a gymnast is… well, it’s golden! With Cage Thunder’s claw squeezing his crotch, Gold Mantis is going nowhere at the speed of light, and this mouthwatering OTK ticks off just about every single box I’ve got!
Z-Man makes my mouth water with his no-hands OTK agony!

Z-Man fans will, I’m sure, chime in when they see that the playboy model turned homoerotic wrestling fantasyman is nominated here for his gorgeous display of his totally vulnerable yet incredibly powerful body wracked so appealingly across Dick Rick’s right thigh. Dick is a consummate salesman, and the sweat dripping off his meaty pecs are icing on this cake, but the cake itself is Z-Man totally committing to this involuntary chiropractic procedure.  So much beauty and power made so completely at the mercy of the heel pro… wow…

Denny Cartier’s hot bod, hairy thighs, and gasp-worthy flexibility on gorgeous display

Reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Denny Cartier, sells and sells and sells in his anchor role on Leopard’s Lair 4.  The quantity of abuse he soaks up from both Alexi Adamov and Aryx Quinn are epic, but I swear to you that it’s the quality of his suffering that makes Denny second to none in this new release.  Singlet straps down, on his tiptoes trying to relieve the pressure on his lower lumbar while his forehead is smashed to the mat on the other side of Aryx’ leg, the hairy legs, the stretched abs, the tats, the bulge… gorgeous.

Diego Diaz’ 6’3″ frame stretches for days as he bridges across Kirby Stone’s thigh.

Diego Diaz is another of the tallboys turning my head hard lately.  When Kirby Stone catches him across his right thigh and bends him backward, Diego is nearly too much man for Kirby to handle.  Keeping those long limbs and hot muscles in place makes the heel-rising Kirby have to work at it, and if a little gratuitous squeeze of Diego’s right glute happens along the way, all the better! There’s just so damn much of Diego to love, and this OTK makes loving every inch a deep down pleasure.

Pec-perfect playboy model Z-Man doesn’t only know how to catch an OTK, he can pitch with some sweet finesse as well.  When he’s got a sweat-soaked Jake Jenkins where he (and you and I) want him, it’s like sculpture.  But when JJ screws up his face, wails like a wounded animal, and clutches his lower back pinned across Z-Man’s knee, there’s pathos is all performance art!  Damn, I love JJ’s sweaty locks plastered to his temples as his head hands upside down!  This boy hurts like a champ!
Brit battler Will Stanley takes two opponents to work him over in an exquisite OTK!
Rock Hard Wrestling also chimes in with the only recent 2-on-1 OTK I’ve seen recently, and I have to say, I love a 2-on-1 OTK!  In this case, young muscle stud Will Stanley gets cracked across Ethan Andrew’s thigh and laid open for opportunistic punk Aaron Travers to pound the muscle stud’s vulnerable, yet armored, abs.  This scene would achieve ultimate perfection should Aaron’s left hand slide down underneath Will’s trunks and throttle his balls as he bashes the boy’s gut.  Alas, even short of perfection, it’s an incredibly hot contender for the most provocative OTK backbreaker of recent releases.
So who’s your pick for the wrestler selling an OTK backbreaker sexier than all the rest?  I’m wildly ambivalent and my loyalties are shattered 7 ways!

Making Jake

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Jake Jenkins – 5’7″, 155 lbs.
There are a few more Olympic round robins still to post, but in the mean time I’m starting a new series that’s been on my mind for a while now.  The concept is simple. The prep required is exquisite.  It’s inspired by the sell of a former homoerotic wrestler of the month and regular go-to hunk that never fails to turn me on.  These are the ABC’s of Jake Jenkins.  Just complete the phrase, “Making Jake….”  Here are A through E on my list.  If you have additional photos that illustrate more of the ABC’s of Making Jake, send them along!
Making Jake…
… asphyxiate.
Lean, mean, devastatingly handsome Jayden Mayne is sick and tired of being a whipping boy at BG East, and to prove it, he delights in making Jake asphyxiate.
… bend.

The combo of Jake Jenkins barefoot and in white trunks paired with Kid Karisma in black (and in the ring!!!) is nothing short of genius! Kid Karisma does a stunningly beautiful job of making Jake bend.

… cry.

Jake has gone back and forth with nasty grappler Ethan Andrews, and on more than one occasion the lean, mean Ethan makes Jake cry.

… drowsy.

Jake also has a running feud with the always dangerous 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month and friend of this blog (well, he talks to me…), Eli Black.  In there’s jock strap matroom sweat bath for BG East, Eli turns all of Jake’s cocky swagger and sculpted muscle into so much mush when he makes Jake drowsy.

… elated!

Jake’s got range, mind you, and it’s not all about making Jake suffer.  Joah Bindao is a hot little package who certainly makes jake work, but when he’s racked, bulging, and helplessly across Jake’s soaking shoulders, Noah can’t help himself but make Jake elated!

…to be continued.

A Hearty Welcome

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Jason Kane: the newest Teen Dream from Rock Hard Wrestling

Am I getting older, or are the stars of homoerotic wrestling getting younger? It’s a rhetorical question, so give me an early Christmas present and don’t answer. Generally speaking, I tend to think of myself as perpetually 29 years old. But seeing the face on the new teen dream from Rock Hard Wrestling, Jason Kane, I suddenly feel much, much older. Seriously, is this kid even shaving yet?! Okay, so fuck the face. The peaks on those biceps make me feel young and vigorous again. Raw, untested rookie beef like this is timeless. I don’t care how old this teen heartthrob is. Someone needs to make this gym bunny scream.

Ethan Andrews welcomes Jason Kane to Rock Hard Wrestling

Ethan Andrews clearly knows what I’m talking about. I think I’ve bitched about Ethan being some sort of bait-and-switch for RHW, since he’s decidedly less handsome and more skater punk than rock hard stud. I can be such a bitch sometimes. The look of low-down, carnal, sadistic pleasure stretched across Ethan’s toothy punk ass face as he soaks in the sight of studly Jason screaming in agony requires me to apologize for any past bitchy comments I made about young Ethan and acknowledge here and now that, while it’s Jason’s ripped body that makes this match rock hard, it’s Ethan’s nasty delight at making the muscle hunk suffer that makes this match homoerotic wrestling.

Ethan looks downright evil making the pretty boy scream

Ethan knows he’s got this rookie-bashing confrontation all sewn up within about 8 seconds of hopping over the top rope to start the match. Pretty, babyface Jason offers downright polite pleasantries. “What, no trash talk?” Ethan asks sincerely surprised… a fraction of a second before he lands a lightening boot strike to Jason’s washboard abs and rolls over the rookie like a steam roller. Ethan seems to take Jason’s rock hard, flat stomach as a personal insult somehow, and he proceeds to pummel the teen dream’s core with tunnel-visioned focus.

Ethan shows Jason what all those muscles are really for:
suffering so sweetly!

Jason goes no where fast. Ethan plays him like a guitar, strumming and plucking all of those taut, beautiful muscles like a maestro. Jason suffers in the corner, bounces off the ropes, gets squeezed, punched, kicked and twisted mercilessly to welcome him to the homoerotic wrestling universe. Ethan explains the facts of life to Jason. Muscles are nice and all, but victory depends on technique.

Jason begs to differ: his muscles are for dominating!

The rookie gets riding time as well. Mostly strikes and slams show off Jason’s hot flexing body, including the bright red hand prints left by Ethan’s slaps. With just a little advantage, the babyface is crowing and strutting, flexing his thick bicep in Ethan’s face and proclaiming with absolute certainty, “You don’t need technique, when you got this!” Jason looks every bit the high school quarterback, grinning from ear to ear as he corners a skinny nerd in the bathroom to slap him around and prove once again why he’s on top of the cutthroat, Lord of the Flies social structure of adolescence.

Ethan studies the effects of his complete mastery of the rookie stud

However, Ethan knows something that painfully young Jason hasn’t yet figured out: this isn’t the high school bathroom. This is a professional wrestling ring, and those HD video cameras are reflecting the eyes of hundreds of gay men unzipping their pants to watch an all too pretty young muscle hunk force fed a dish of humility. Sure, Jason’s undersized trunks ride down his hips a bit, but I tell you it’s the tilt of Ethan’s head as he smiles down so lustfully at the sight of his sweaty, grimacing, writhing opponent  that becomes what I can’t tear my eyes away from here.

Hot young muscle where it belongs: underfoot.

There’s a truly inspired moment near the end of Jason’s initiation into our world. Ethan has gazed long and hard at the pain contorting Jason’s pretty face as he threatens to rip the young stud’s shoulder out of its socket in a bow and arrow. Ethan lets him go to taunt him a little more, explaining that he’s got more in store for the once-invincible pretty boy. Shiny Jason shakes his head frantically as he looks like he’s trying to crawl away on his stomach, reaching for the reprieve of the ropes. The close-up of wide-eyed panic on Jason’s face is intoxicating, but it’s the vision of Ethan, hyped up on the exhilaration of completing owning this hot young stud as he grabs Jason’s ankle to set him up for a match ending figure-4 leglock, that sends me over the edge. Welcome to the world of homoerotic wrestling, Jason. So happy that you decided to join us.

Fudging on the Promise

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Rock Hard Wrestling is messing with the formula a bit, and I’m ambivalent about the results. RHW has promoted itself from day one (months before that, really) as promoting 100% Abercrombie caliber, rock hard wrestlers looking better than you’ve ever seen. A new addition to the stable, Ethan Andrews, is skinny as a rail, with buck teeth, hippy hair and shaggy sideburns. I’m not picturing Ethan in an Abercrombie ad. He’s also not exactly rock hard, unless you count bones and tendons.

Zack of course, is Zack. He’s as mouthwatering as always, and he epitomizes the seminal promise of RHW. He’s rock hard, more handsome than should be legal, and perhaps the only thing that would keep him off the pages of Abercrombie he’s just oozing too much overt sexuality.

I like the banter in this match. Pacing inside the ring, Ethan yells at Zack who’se pumping iron outside the ring, “Hey, douchebag! Hey, douchebag! Why don’t you drop the dumbells and show me what you got!’ Zack rises to the challenge instantly, incredulously asking if Ethan really thinks he can handle what Zack’s packing. Ethan smacks his flat-as-a-board chest with confidence. “Bring it on!”

I continue to like Zack’s development in wrestling. He’s selling nicely. He continues to turn the corners of that shit-eating grin down, transforming it into a half-crazed, singularly focused glare like he’s about to take a mouthful out of a pastrami sandwich. The match is back and forth from start to finish. Rope and corner abuse are sweet. Zack’s reverse bearhug on Ethan is quite hot, using his clearly superior strength to shake the kid like a rag doll. Finally, an over-the-knee backbreaker (hooray!) catches Zack off guard, and he quickly gives up (too quickly… boooo).

Zack stays on script, getting caught more than once mugging for the camera, resulting in a surprise reversal or a rake to the eyes to trip up his momentum. Zack also pieces together some sweet combinations and chain moves that show a lot more confidence in the ring than I seem to remember of Zack from back in the day. Ethan takes nasty hold after nasty hold, finally screaming out his second fall submission racked in a backbreaker, flopping helplessly across Zack’s buff shoulders.

 
Zack looks strong and commanding moving into round 3. Both boys have a fresh coat of wet on them to start the round, which may be a little too much stage craft, but I appreciate it. Zack’s revenge over-the-knee backbreaker (hooray!) has Ethan screaming long and hard. When Ethan turns on the steam, he pounds Zack’s belly just about as convincingly as I’ve seen anyone do it, and Zack’s muscle belly is screaming out for pounding if you ask me. Abdominal stretch with punches and slaps to his abs for good measure makes Zack grunt out his final submission. Ethan flexes his biceps with his foot planted on Zack’s chest in victory.

And in than instant, I scratch my head. Ethan shouldn’t flex and preen like a bodybuilder or fitness model. It’s just not in the cards. This match works as a big v little scenario, David v Goliath, skin-and-bones overcomes too-pretty gym bunny. I like the salesmanship from both boys. I love the pace. I’d like to see some slowing down of the holds that are really supposed to be long-held, strength-sapping, dominating maneuvers. But it’s a little off script for what I’ve come to appreciate about RHW. A hunk bash by a skinny kid doesn’t quite fit the formula. I don’t hate it, by any means. It’s entertaining. The production quality remains high. But I’m just ambivalent about the tinkering with the rock hard signature.