Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

I’ve recently had no less than 3 back channel comments quibbling with my choices of homoerotic wrestler of the month in the past. I LOVE it that so many of you have strong opinions about who deserves the fan-love and fawning worship. I even appreciate it when you give me your well-considered rationales for why I may have got it wrong from time to time. Personally, I feel strongly that there’s room for a few more homoerotic wrestling fan blogs out there, which would most certainly result in competing wrestler infatuations for us to respectfully debate in the public arena. In the mean time, however, I feel compelled to humbly soldier onward, noting the flip of the calendar and the time to select a new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.
Just to remind you, the method to my madness is to promote and celebrate new releases, so I choose each homoerotic wrestler of the month based on who turned me on the most from among the wrestlers who appeared in new wrestling products in the previous calendar month. June new releases posted a relatively small selection to choose from, and yet I found the decision a tough and close call. BG East came out with their summer surprise line-up, including for consideration the likes of Kid Karisma and Z-Man from Fantasymen 33: Muscle Pros, cross-over rookie lovelies Jake Jenkins and Austin Cooper from Ripped Rookies 1: A Score to Settle, Marc Merino for his work getting worshipped, worshipping, and then getting muscled out by Stan Greer in Wrestle Worship 2: Triple Emission, and both Ashley Ryder and Rob Chandler from their fantastically charged motel match from Gear Wars 3: UK Kink. Jake Jenkins did double time to stuff the ballot box this month, also appearing for Rock Hard Wrestling sporting square cuts and a mop of curly hair, initiating lean and mean Gunnar Bayani (I LOVE that name). Thunders Arena put up Dallas in both their newest Custom Vid against a second entry for Z-Man this month, as well as in a No Holds Barred match against the sexy one himself, Big Sexy. Can-Am presented extremely strong contenders in June, including Jobe Zander taking matters into his own hands against jaw-dropping rookie physique star, Thiago Diaz, and Rusty Stevens, the prodigal son himself, returning from retirement to climb into the ring and post a Pro Sex battle against new potential infatuation for me, Kevin Crowes. Finally, from Naked Kombat I’m tossing three pornboys into the hat this month, including DJ for appearing both in singles and tag competition, Phenix Saint for a powerful singles match and then walking away with his tail between his legs in tag competition, and Trent Diesel looking to be not only my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, but also the first 3-peat homoerotic wrestler of the month.
Did I miss anyone? Like I said, there are extremely strong contenders for my homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Veterans, current and former favorite homoerotic wrestlers, stunning rookies… a high quality field from a relatively small list (compared with some months). I’ve gone back and forth, making lists and comparing strengths. It’s fine, delicate calculus, but in the end, I’ve settled on one wrestler who is yanking my crank just a little harder than the rest…
Here’s where I fully expect to get some push back, because I realize that there are several of you who are more smitten with Jake’s rookie buddy in BG East’s Ripped Rookies, Austin Cooper. And I totally see it. The golden boy with hollywood handsomeness and a bubble butt is fantastic, and with a couple inches taller and 10 pounds more muscle than Jake, Austin makes a really big impression on me, as well. But here’s where the subjectivity and completely personal tastes come into the picture. I’ve got a thing for the shorter hunk of muscle who goes toe-to-toe with the bigger opponent.

I’m certain that my lust for wrestling hunks under a certain height is directly related to my own stature. Watching Jake (or Denny or Lon…), I can’t help but identify with the shorter stud. And like Denny and Lon, Jake has the fiery, complete lack of self-consciousness about his size that gets me very hot and bothered. Austin’s gorgeousness and superficial superiority in still frame serve only to make me crazy for every snarl and commanding offense that Jake slaps down.

Jake’s presence on the mat for Ripped Rookies connects some dots for me that I was only guessing at from his ring work for Rock Hard Wrestling. A wrestler with amateur cred, who can dance on the balls of his feet, who can play a fraction of an inch of leverage for all its worth, who is both muscled and incredibly flexible… all of this can translate into instant erotic wrestling kink gold. With just a subtle shift of his center of gravity or the not-so-subtle tolerance of getting twisted and tied up into gorgeous, sweat-soaked, bare-assed knots, Jake’s body tells the story of an eager athlete who’s worked not only his beautiful muscles but also his awareness of his own body, his opponent’s body, and his understanding of the precise mechanics of joints and their tolerances.

Jake has timing and an awesome look of orgasmic ecstasy when he’s pressing an advantage on his way to a crowing victory. Particularly with Ripped Rookies, Jake has also illustrated in his rookie career that he can work up a tasty sweat, go muscle-for-muscle in tests of strength, and really wail in agony as someone who genuinely understands the experience of suffering.
Jake rocks me and delights me. Even on the mat or in the ring with bigger muscle boys with more classically handsome features (arguably), Jake grabs me by the chin, demands my eye contact, and refuses to let me glance away for even a moment. He’s a rookie, no doubt about it. He’s not always polished, and he doesn’t always tell a seamless story the way some of the veterans he beat out for the title this month can. But I’m infatuated with every moment he wrestles, every lightening fast counter, every stomp and squeeze, every roar and gasp.
You may have picked someone else (and I really do enjoy hearing about it). But I’m awfully pleased with the very strong performances of my new homoerotic wrestler of the month: Jake Jenkins.

Bard’s Fantasy League Picks

When Z-Man debuted with BG East 3 months ago, a regular reader emailed me to let me know just how excited he was by this news. He immediately speculated on who from the BG East roster Z-Man should wrestle next. Turns out, he hit the nail right on the head, proposing that a Z-Man v Kid Karisma bout would be over the top arousing.

Of course, now we know, Z-Man followed up his mat debut with BG East with a pro ring muscle match against none other than Kid K. Nice call, savvy neverland reader! And your prediction that a Z-Man v Kid K match would be smokin’ was perfect prognostication.

From a different angle, Cage Thunder recently called out both BG East rookie Austin Cooper AND proposed a detailed ring match scenario against Austin’s rookie buddy, Jake Jenkins. I’ve got a major league crush on Jake,  so Cage’s proposal to face him in the ring is fueling my imagination. Jake in white trunks with pale blue trim, then 30 minutes after stepping into the ring with Cage, stripped naked, pounded into a daze and helpless in Cage’s skilled hands… well, this concept is pure gold, in my estimation.

All of this speculation, proposal and prognostication sheds light on what I assume must be a nearly universal mental exercise that wrestling kinsters play: the fantasy homoerotic wrestling card. At least, I’ve been playing that game for as long as I’ve been erotically captivated by wrestling. I love that these virtual connections available to us now, like blogs and emails, give us the opportunity to compare notes. So, in addition to a Cage on Jake Jenkins ring strip battle, here are the current top 3 fantasy league homoerotic wrestling matches on my scorecard:

Lon Dumont v Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!)

I’ve fantasized about this combination long and hard. Not only would this settle once and for all the question of who deserves the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy division (but remember, it’s about who turns me on the most, not necessarily who “wins”), I also think this would be an absolutely amazing mash-up of two delightfully different sets of assets.

Thiago Diaz v Brad Rochelle
I haven’t even had an opportunity to see if Thiago has anything at all to offer in the wrestling ring other than that fantasyman bod and that hefty package dangling between his legs, but I’m already lining him up for some rookie initiation. The return of Brad has been a long-held aching fantasy of mine (and many others, I know), and I think Brad working over Thiago’s muscles from top to bottom would be an earth-shaking combination of veteran fan favorite with jaw dropping rookie sensation.

First of all, Kid V partnering with Rafe Sanchez has long haunted my homoerotic wrestling dreams. Second, I’ve nursed a whole lot of lust for a PG-to-R-rated evolution of the careers of pretty, innocent, eager muscle boys Cody and Travis. I picture this as both a coming-of-age wrestling scenario for the bright-eyed boys as well as Rafe’s first apprenticeship match, learning from the master of sadism himself.

What are your fantasy league homoerotic wrestling matches of choice?

Tightening Bard’s Belt

My post on the cost of my wrestling kink generated a lot of feedback. One nice result from my nervous confession that I’ve never tracked down permission from Can-Am to repost their pics is that I got an email from Can-Am giving me permission to repost their pics (thanks!).

Thiago Diaz and Jobe Zander – Can-Am’s Decrotchery

Speaking of which, I had to pick my jaw up off the floor when I saw the preview pics of Jobe Zander’s new match for Can-Am against one of the hottest new muscle bodies I’ve seen in a long time, who goes by the name Thiago Diaz. Thiago is absolutely phenomenal to look at in still frame.  My head is about to explode in anticipation of seeing if he’s just as kinetically hot and whether he can sell some sweet homoerotic wrestling. The sustained ball torture he appears to endure in his rookie debut entitled Decrotchery looks like seriously nasty shit of the variety that Jobe specializes in. If Thiago shows up in Can-Am’s series Pro Sex Fights, I may need CPR (preferably delivered by Thiago).

Rusty Stevens and Kevin Crowes – Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4

And speaking of my jaw dropping (and hot muscle bodies and Pro Sex Fights), Can-Am has also posted in their store their newest Pro Sex Fight starring former long-time holder of the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, Rusty Stevens! I don’t know what this means for Rusty’s announcement that he was retiring from porn last autumn. But knowing nothing other than that Rusty has climbed into the pro wrestling ring, I can already say with absolutely certainty that he’s back in contention to slam, squeeze, pound and fuck his way through the ranks of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers. And this rookie that he’s squaring off against is making my head spin with almost as much velocity as Thiago Diaz! Kevin Crowes is devastatingly handsome, constructed like a go-go boy addicted to his workout endorphins, and sporting what looks to an epic cock and major league, aesthetically gorgeous ink. Smart money might be on Rusty totally owning the rookie hunk, but then again, Rusty’s long resume of wrestling domination doesn’t feature much ring action at all, and this very well may be the first time that I’ve ever seen Rusty out-prettied by an opponent (possibly with the exception of David Taylor).

Jake Jenkins and Austin Cooper – BG East’s Ripped Rookies 1: A Score to Settle

In addition to the happy bonus of getting word that Can-Am is okay with me reposting, joining the ranks of the generous folks at BG East, Thunder’s Arena, and Rock Hard Wrestling, my post on the cost of wrestling kink also generated some sincere efforts from several folks giving me advice about what subscription I ought to choose to be the one to drop. Jon gave me more of a psychological assessment of my core beliefs and motivations, concluding that his read on my equivocation is that I should drop Can-Am and Thunder’s. Off line, I had one adamant reader insist that once you’ve seen one Naked Kombat, you’ve seen them all, so I shouldn’t expect anything too new or novel to need to keep investing in them. Someone also made the most fair point that the real cost-benefit ratio should be measured at the top end of the discounts that all 4 of my subscriptions offer (even if I’m too undisciplined to budget the big bucks for one time per year cost savings).

Leo Forte & Trent Diesel – Naked Kombat – The Bondage Match June 22, 2011

With that in mind, let me point out that I could get 365 days of BG East Arena delights for $125. A year of Can-Am Max and the opportunity to pine over the likes of Thiago Diaz would set me back $179.95. The most cost-efficient means of enjoying Thunder’s Arena’s Thunder TV is 90 days for $59.99 on a recurring bill (not sure why a non-recurring 90 days should suddenly jump up to $100… should that be a year?), which would equate to $240 for a full 360 days. And finally, for Naked Kombat’s exclusive content, I could be maximizing the fuck for the buck with their 1-year subscription at $169.99.

Z-Man and Dallas – Thunder’s Arena’s Custom Match

Since I’m not made of money, and since I anticipate some big bills coming up related to a barrage of travel obligations in the next 6 months, I feel like the cost-benefit analysis brings me to an unmistakable conclusion. Thunder TV, I’m afraid, is the weakest link. I’m going to sign back off of them, regretfully, but I’ll check with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island for any can’t miss new releases that he reviews from Thunder’s. Thanks to everyone who gave me your thoughtful advice. Now, if anyone has any other wrestling kink websites out there that I’m not tracking, let me know if you think I’m missing out on some major kink gold. And of course, should Rock Hard Wrestling come out with an exclusive content membership option, I’ll have to reconsider everything. It would require a whole new cost analysis of my overall wrestling kink budget, of course…

My Avatar

So here’s the scenario: a long, lanky runway model climbs into a pro wrestling ring with a shorter, muscle bound fitness model, determined to put the “little guy” in his place. Regular readers of my work in the fictional homoerotic wrestling universe of the Producer’s Ring will recognize this story line instantly. But wait… I didn’t write this story! This is a live action, high definition, sweat and muscle throw down brought to you by the franchise that specializes exclusively (for the most part) in fantasy men: Rock Hard Wrestling.

New RHW wrestlers Jake Jenkins and Cliff Johnson star in RHW’s newest release. Jake is the 5’7″, 155 pound fitness model. Cliff is the 6’1″, 175 pound runway model. Staring one another down in the middle of the ring, these two instantly tweak one of my “guilty” wrestling kink pleasures: short v tall.

I don’t know exactly what it is that makes a short v tall wrestling match so intensely erotic for me. There’s of course something inherently sexy about one man dominating over another, and a notable size differential adds to the available repertoire of domination holds, lifts, and blows that more closely matched opponents might not be able to pull off. But by no means am I just a fan of the big guy tossing around the little guy (though that can be awfully satisfying). My kink also kicks into high gear at the sight of a smaller opponent beating the living shit out of the bigger guy. Perhaps it’s the nod to a bullied-revenge plot that speaks to my inner, insecure gay adolescent. Since I’m not exactly the tallest kid in the class myself, maybe I’m just superimposing myself, empowered and dominant, onto the tight “little” package of Jake Jenkins. Perhaps Jake becomes my avatar, working out all the aggression and righteous indignation I’ve felt over the years when bigger guys stare down at me with a smirk of condescension.

In any case, here’s what I see: Jake and Cliff execute nicely, in fact better than your average RHW match, I’d say. In the actual delivery of kicks, stomps and punches (which RHW matches consistently seem to fixate on), Jake and Cliff both sell with convincing flair and timing. Cliff is determined to not undersell his suffering when Jake has been on a roll, and I, for one, applaud that. I’m okay with the miraculous recovery under most circumstances, but I like the pathos of a wrestler fighting with the aches and pains of a vicious attack in order to battle his way back on top, despite himself. Cliff looks like he really struggles to overcome not only Jake, but his own physical tolerances for pain and exhaustion. Love that.

I don’t know where Jake or Cliff are coming from, but I’m guessing Jake has some amateur wrestling experience on his CV, and that Cliff does not. Jake sets the terms of this match instantly by going for a pinfall. Fall one, indeed, eventually goes to Jake for wrapping the long, long body of his opponent up into an ass-splayed small package. It’s a hold like this that makes me long to be ringside, with my champ, Jake, holding Cliff immobilized and humiliated, for me to slide into the ring and more closely examine, in tactile detail, the humiliated physique of the vulnerable hunk. I think there’s a market there, for not just the loser-gets-fucked by the winner scenarios (done delightfully and often), but perhaps a loser-gets-fucked by the winner’s manager, patron, second, or partner. You tag ’em, Jake, and I’ll bag ’em.

What makes me think that Cliff doesn’t have the amateur cred that Jake does is his second fall win with an odd pin that, while immobilizing Jake to his back, leaves the fitness model’s shoulders nowhere near making contact with the mat. It’s one too many “pins” for my taste anyway. Bring on the submission torture, boys! Speaking of which, I’m liking the corner abuse both boys inflict in turn, in a tit-for-tat exchange with legs “trapped” over the top ropes and the victims hanging helplessly upside down for bashing. Cliff takes the lead first, stomping and punching Jake’s rippled abs, taunting him nicely. Jake follows up, with a significant assist from Cliff to get into position (size differential is requires some stagecraft on a few counts… no harm, no foul, I’d say). Jake lands two hot drop kicks into the runway model’s abs, without a ton of momentum, but hot, nevertheless.

The third and decisive fall is a figure-4 leglock submission following up a completely gratuitous stomp to the runway model’s balls. Now there’s the glimpse of greatness I hope for from RHW! There are no refs. They sell a full contact, NHB sort of story. So there’s absolutely no credible reason that we aren’t seeing more ball bashing. There’s just no excuse for failing to see more long, torturous holds with the catcher screaming in agony and the pitcher taunting, delighting, soaking in the sight of his domination. Cliff taps way too quickly in the figure-4, and Jake releases the hold similarly too fast to make this entirely kink-satisfying. And the pecs on Jake are screaming for some laughing pec claws threatening to rip the fitness boy to shreds. Cliff’s comparatively soft core should provide a legally binding requirement for Jake, the fitness model, to claw, stretch, pummel and knead the runway model’s abs like a loaf of bread dough.

As is so often the case with my reviews for RHW, I say again, there’s a lot that’s going right here. The gay wrestling kink audience (surely 99.9% of RHW revenues) should find plenty to entertain us. But the personalities need to be about 15 times bigger, the holds held about 3 times longer, the gear either about half the size, or stripped out of the square cuts partway through to much less/nothing, and the physiological bases of homoerotic wrestling abuse (pec/nipple abuse, cock & ball bashing, holds that not only dominate (lingeringly) but display these impressive physiques like serving up a platter of steaks) need to be covered with their audience in mind. I know, it’s easy to be Barcalounger Quarterback. I don’t want to suggest that I wouldn’t snap up another Jake Jenkins match (please, I beg of you, against Travis Storm), in a heartbeat. But I’m still waiting to throw that coming of age party for RHW that Joe and I have been longing to celebrate.