The weekend I leave home for vacation, BG East goes live with Catalog 104.1! Damn! There’s a lot of eye candy I’m already enjoying on the website. I’ve had a chance to enjoy a couple of the new releases already, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to give any of these fine offerings a fuller treatment before I get back. Damn, damn, damn! There’s some fine temptations here!
Jonny Firestorm posted this photo (below) on his blog, showing him getting checked out for an unspecified medical condition.
It sounds serious, because Jonny reports he’s under doctor’s orders to stay away from wrestling for the time being. No word on what’s plaguing Jonny’s hot bod, but again, it must be serious, because what has that hunky physique not been able to withstand!?
Of course, Jonny gives about 3 times harder than he gets, but still, he’s taken a boatload of vicious punishment and cruel abuse and managed to muscle his way back on top, over and over again.
So I’m guessing it takes a lot to get Jonny to admit he’s hurting enough to see a doctor in the first place, much less “take orders” to stay away from the ring. How many naive opponents have thought they’d be the ones to toss Jonny’s ass from the ring, only to find themselves crushed and conquered by the resilient heel? Now some egghead with a lab coat and filth-infested neck tie (seriously, think about how many germs a doc’s tie is exposed to and how often it get’s dry cleaned!) does what extremely few musclebound hunks have been unable to do?!
I’ve got my money on Jonny kicking his health issue in the ass, and then proceeding to take that doc, rip off his lab coat, tie him into the ring ropes with the filth-infested tie, and shockingly hot ripped-n-stripped body mercilessly for keeping Jonny from the air he breathes, aka, wrestling. Then again, my fantasy of a hardbodied wrestling nerd may be interfering with my estimation of Jonny’s rapport with his attending.
Either way, feel better, Jonny. The wrestling ring will be noticeably less exciting until you’re back in it and on top of the heap once more.
Our man inside BG East, or as one insightful observer recently referred to him, “OMI,” sent me a batch of catalog 103-related behind-the-scenes snapshots. These were actually sent before the release of catalog 103, but they got buried in my email while I was knocked down with an early spring illness. Happily, I’m getting back on top of things after my recovery, including digging out these hot pieces of awesome contraband smuggled out from the BG East camp. I have still heard no word of OMI’s unmasking, although my offer of a free dinner should we ever meet in person still stands. That is, he gets a free dinner from me if he isn’t drawn and quartered by the powers that be at BG East first…
If only this was self-snapped by bespectacled Kid Vicious, I’d argue this could be the homoerotic wrestling equivalent of Ellen’s Oscar’s selfie. As it is, this shot of Jonny Firestorm and KV manning the cameras with golden boy Austin Cooper in nothing but his underwear looking over the shoulders is still an incredibly hot, somewhat novel collection of devastatingly sexy man meat! The three of them look chummy, which may explain Austin’s fantastic heel turn a while back which he OWNS like a champ in his newest release, absolutely carving up newbie Leo Tomassi like a turkey dinner in Jobberpalooza 13. It seems like Austin is teetering on the edge of giving his hot pecs over totally to the dark side, and personally, I hope he keeps this company pictured here. More bad influence from two of the top heels in BG East can only promise more fantastically cruel performances from golden boy body beautiful heel Austin.
Along the lines of “the company you keep,” here’s Austin’s Jobberpalooza victim, Leo Tomasi, showing off his rippled abs with adorkable rookie Ty Alexander ready for stills. If Austin is getting his marching orders from Jonny and KV and Leo is getting introduced to the scene from crushable jobber-rising Ty, the handwriting was on the wall way before Leo got bullied and literally bloodied by relentlessly cruel Austin.
Here’s a pre-match photo of another golden boy muscle stud who appears to be making a play for turning his career around by dipping deep into the dark side of the Force. Did you see Braden Charron’s work with pretty Pete Sharp in Jobberpalooza 13?! Holy shit, I was completely blown away and shocked. I did NOT see that coming. Until now, Braden has been a tad too pretty, too sexy for his own good. All that mouthwatering meat and beauty have done nothing but draw out some of the most vicious and sadistic performances in even BG East’s babyface ranks. I saw a whole mountain of gorgeous hurt heading his way when I noticed he was to be Pete’s first ring opponent, because Pete may be pretty as a peach, but he’s also been incredibly dangerous in his first two outings on the mat. But wow. Just, wow! Braden pulls off what I have to think of as an upset, despite his extensive experience advantage, and watching him make every luscious inch of pretty, pretty Pete suffer is phenomenal! Pete’s got serious repair work to do on his rep, while Braden has convinced me he’s a lot more than a pretty face and a mouthwatering cock!
And again from Jobberpalooza 13, Guido Genatto came damn near close to literally breaking poor, insanely pretty Kip Sorrell. Seeing Guido stretched out on the couch, bespectacled, checking his email, with Ultimate Warrior (RIP) nestled between the tree trunks he calls his thighs, you’d never suspect the boiling rage he’s about to tap into the second he sees the very definition of a pretty boy, Kip, lacing up his boots. This is one of those matches where I get sucked in so deep that I grow genuinely concerned for Kip’s life and limb. Guido turning outmatched Kip into a little more than a life sized Ken doll, to be manhandled, manipulated, and humiliated like a despised plaything, is insanely sexy. Between Kip’s devastated gym body and Guido’s gargantuan, power packed physique, I can’t decide which I want to lick more, the mammoth crevice between Kip’s pecs or the lightly hairy expanse of Guido’s beautiful belly. Fuck that, let me trade places with that Ultimate Warrior pillow. NOW!
OMI has got testicles the size of beach balls! He’s slipped us a behind the scenes photo of the franchise himself, Kid Leopard, ready for taking stills and Jonny Firestorm, well… um… flat on his back, hands behind his head, apparently “on break.” For Jonny’s sake, I hope that’s a sanctioned nap-time.
Finally, OMI slipped out these two photos of rookie Kayden Keller looking handsome as hell and ready to unwrap like a Christmas present. The second shot, I notice, is a selfie, meaning that either OMI is Kayden or OMI has access to download photos from Kayden’s phone. If we hear that hot rookie heel Kayden is cleaning BG East toilets with his tongue in the near future, perhaps we’ll have finally learned OMI’s true identity. I hope not, though, because I imagine that might also be the last contraband we get from him. One way or another, I think OMI either IS Kayden, or OMI really, really like’s Kayden’s hot rookie body! Or both. I’d understand, either way.
This week I had the great pleasure to enjoy my second-ever “dinner with Dumont.” Before you ask, 1) no, there was no wrestling involved, 2) Lon wore baggy jeans and a fantastically tight, long-sleeve t-shirt stretched awesomely over his bulging pecs, and 3) this time I got a keepsake photo of the two of us that is instantly in my top 5 favorite possessions. Back to the narrative, the long-time favorite homoerotic wrestler of mine was back in my neck of the woods and fulfilling fan fantasies by treating me to dinner. That’s right, stud puppy extraordinaire and perpetual infatuation of mine, Lon Dumont, picked up the tab for dinner! Honestly, I believe that most people who I know well enough to treat me to dinner would describe me as clever, witty, and an engaging dinner date. But sitting across the table from a homoerotic wrestling infatuation like devastatingly hot Lon Dumont, I turn into a stammering fanboy.
It’s like seeing double-vision. There’s this engaging, cool guy in front of me, and I’m also seeing Lon Dumont, body beautiful wrestling heel flexing his champion biceps in some lucky opponent’s awed face. Lon assured me that he has plans to be back through this way in a few months, raising for me the question of how many times would it take to have dinner with Dumont before I’m desensitized to the awe of it all and can be as engaging a dinner partner as I normally am (or like to think of myself as)?
It’s certainly happened to me before. On my pilgrimage to Pembroke, I got to meet and eat with some of the hottest wrestling heels to recur repeatedly in my fondest homoerotic wrestling fantasies on camera and in my imagination. I had questions prepared. I was planning on documenting the conversations to share, in my typical overdrawn and pedantic way, with all of you. And then there I was, talking to Kid Vicious, who was engaging, thoughtful, and downright philosophical in parsing apart the politics and polemics of homoerotic wrestling. In other words, he was talking my language! But there I was, stumbling over my tongue and finding myself with clinically diagnosable aggressively intrusive thoughts, in particular picturing KV stripped down to trunks and threatening to tear an opponent’s balls off.
Same lunch, same place, and Jonny Firestorm was the same way. Chatter, shop talk, the awkward revelation that Jonny doesn’t follow neverland closely enough to realize he was at one point my homoerotic wrestler of the month. So many opportunities to ask an insightful question, probe as the investigative blogger I imagine myself to be, and honestly, the only thing I could do was stare in awe at Jonny’s gargantuan forearms and picture him wringing the life out of hot piece of jobber meat.
Not surprisingly, the worst was meeting Kid Leopard. By “worst,” of course, I mean, the most paralytic for me, a completely awestruck, drooling fanboy. KL was a fantastic host, showing me around the grounds, letting me see where the magic is made in the ring, on the mats, in the gazebo, in the wrestle shack. He was generous and engaging, and I felt like I couldn’t string together more than 3 words at a time. Is English my first language? Why do I suddenly have a 3rd grade vocabulary!? Holy fuck, I just kept swallowing hard, completely at the mercy of the image of KL prying apart some fabulously hot hunk playing on repeat from my memory.
Hopefully, I’ll keep getting opportunities to meet these men of my wrestling fantasies, and hopefully, someday, I’ll be able to pull off more than just the thick-tongued stammering of a star struck fanboy.
Coincidentally, not long after I received my custom video from Jonny Firestorm, a regular reader of neverland sent me a message to share how pleased he was with his experience booking a private match with Jonny. From his story (shared here with permission), I get the impression that the Jonny’s professionalism and the trust that he engendered were not unique to me. Here’s a consumer report on a private match with Jonny Firestorm.
“A weeks ago I had my first wrestling experience in a private match with none other than Jonny Firestorm. When I started planning this 2 months ago I never imagined how intense this experience would be. First I emailed Jonny about the idea for the match for his approval. Since this was kinda of a once in a lifetime opportunity I also asked him if another wrestler could join us too. With some convincing from his part, I was lucky enough to be initiated not only by Jonny but also by a fellow handsome BG East heel. The idea behind the match was that I was going to receive my first training “lesson”. What I got, of course, was a first-class -one hour and a half- rookie wrecking. I was put in all of the moves that you could ask for: camel clutches, bow and arrow, all kinds of headscissors and fig-4’s, over the knee and over the shoulder backbreakers, choke holds, corner abuse, double-teamed and even being forced to count myself out. My favorite moments? Being sleepered and pinned in all the variations of sleeper you could think of, particularly a crotch to face fig-4 executed by both Jonny and his heel friend. And of course there was a lot of trash talking and sexy teasing as you could find in any of his matches. It all made me feel like if I was part of the newest Jobberpaloozer installment.I was amazed at how well Jonny adapted the intensity of the match to my personal level of strength and flexibility. I experienced some true stretching and pain at times, but it was really nice for me to have my pain tolerance being tested still within my range of comfort. Also, I was impressed on how well he incorporated all the requests that I made on the description for the match. This was my particular fantasy and everyone else’s maybe different. The impression I have is that Jonny would be able to satisfy whatever setting you would like to recreate.Communication with Jonny can be tricky since his legions of fans probably flood his email every day. Just be patient. Jonny replied each and every of my emails along the way. And it was worth the wait, since just thinking about all of this still puts a smile on my face. It was just my best Christmas gift ever. “
I’ve known of at least half a dozen homoerotic wrestlers who have attempted to leverage their following into marketing more than what fans can access through the main producers. Most of those entrepreneurial efforts, I’m sad to say, have fizzled before they really began. I think the skill sets involved in being an awesome wrestler don’t always coincide with a strong business sense.
All of that said, I was excited to sample the goods when Jonny Firestorm launched his website and advertised some customizable products available. Having met Jonny in person during my pilgrimage to Pembroke a couple of years ago, I felt like I could trust Jonny as a vendor, and I feel that trust was well-placed. I zeroed in specifically on the “Custom Video” option. I emailed him. He was very responsive, trading messages back and forth to clarify the scope of what sort of match it might be and how I’d like to customize it. Jonny went to great pains to get all of my wish list made explicit, because, as he explained, the last thing he’d want would be an unsatisfied customer who was disappointed.
It was an interesting assignment, to put down into words for Jonny Firestorm what would turn me on. For having overshared on this blog for nearly 5 years (!?!), it took me by surprise how conspicuous and vulnerable it felt to paint by the numbers with Jonny exactly the scenario, the drama, the particular holds that would make me want to invest a considerable sum of money. And I’m thrilled to report that Jonny was a pro to work with, putting me at ease, drawing my desires out with remarkable sensitivity for working through the medium of email.
Regular readers won’t be surprised that I enthusiastically requested that Jonny’s co-star in this custom match be long-time favorite homoerotic wrestler fantasy man of mine, Lon Dumont. When Jonny got back to me to let me know that he could book Lon, I was a little dizzy with anticipation. He gave me a time frame to expect the match to get taped. In this case, it was a window of about a month and a half when they would have at least one or two opportunities to be in the same place. The weekend that the match was taped, I knew it was happening, and Jonny got back to me within a few days to let me know he’d take another week or two of editing before sending it out. In the mean time, he satisfied my request for some preview pics (featured here) to keep my fever running.
Jonny gave me the option of method of delivery (download, DVD, hell, he even said he might be able to dig up an old VCR tape if I really wanted that). When the match arrived, my heart was pounding with a level of excitement that I haven’t really felt since the early days of my life as a consumer of homoerotic wrestling products, when I’d nearly faint with anticipation when a tape would arrive, light-headed every inch of the distance between the mailbox and my tape player.
I LOVE my custom Jonny v Lon match! They hit about 90% of the marks I’d asked for. They were both in outrageously phenomenal shape. In fact, Lon was so close to being on stage for his next bodybuilding competition that he was pretty well near starved. While that made for awesome physique watching, it did leave him noticeably weak and pretty quickly tired out. Jonny apologized for that before I even saw the match. For the record, he had let me decide whether they should tape before or after Lon’s competition, so it was my choice. That said, at least half of what turns me on about both Jonny and Lon is the sell, the drama, and the mammoth personalities, which were there in abundance, even if the energy level was a little low.
One of the Bard-fetish elements that I asked for was a lot of dialogue, including between-fall extended commentary as the winner of each fall flexed for me as he explained how it is he defeated his opponent. The boys made that happen in ways that crack me up and totally arouse me at exactly the same time.
The cost was considerable, and I feel like I got my money’s worth. The time, the talent, and the production costs of putting it together are immense, I’m sure. More to the point, owning my own fantasy translated to the small screen starring Jonny Firestorm and Lon Dumont is incredibly satisfying. I’m sure costs vary depending on the specifics requested (e.g., I really wanted this to be a ring match, so booking a pro wrestling ring I’m sure comes with a price). But Jonny delivered, and for what Jonny (and Lon) delivered, I’m a very happy customer.
Ironically, within a couple of weeks of me getting my custom video, another wrestling fan and regular reader of neverland contacted me to let me know about his experience with another of Jonny’s product lines: a private match. I’ll share his consumer report tomorrow…
In a “fresh tugs” edition of Tuesday Trunk Pulls, there’s a big crop of trunk pulls in the new release section at BG East. I mean, a lot! If you need a little extra leverage, if you need a little handle to get everything in just the right position, always feel free to grab hold of the tiniest tether: your opponent’s trunks. And if there’s a camera nearby, treat the rest of us to a little pre-Christmas unwrapping party!
Sharp eyes noted that there were some unreleased BG East photos embedded in my interview with Drake Marcos and Mason Brooks a couple of days ago. True enough, I recently received another super-secret parcel of behind-the-scenes and as-yet unreleased photos from an anonymous source who I will continue to refer to as “our man inside” BG East. The identity of this fan pleaser is unknown to me. I am under the impression that it is not Drake nor Mason, for example, however the way these photos are being passed to me makes it impossible for me to know where they actually came from. Some of them appear to be HD photos of yet-to-be released matches, looking like they were peeled off of the cutting room floor. Others are clearly candid photos that look like they’ve been taken with a camera phone. I keep expecting to hear about some BG East back office boy who was found at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico wearing cement galoshes, but apparently so far even the Boss has not sussed out the source or does not feel sufficiently compromised by the corporate espionage to take retribution. Either way, whoever you are, our man inside is my personal hero and still has a standing offer to be taken to dinner someday, should he dare reveal his identity to me. In the mean time, keep ’em coming, buddy!
Now, let’s pick through the latest scavenged treasures and lift a toast to our man inside! First, there was some hot smuggled swag that looks like it comes from a camera phone, capturing two of the sizzling young rookies I’ve been smitten by lately, Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander. Ty mentioned to me that he’s a gear-horse, and it looks like both he and Kayden enjoy hanging out in sexy, sexy, sexy gear between wrestling shoots.
Mason Brooks and Drake Marcos are no strangers around neverland. They’ve both been gracious interviewees, and both hunks have stayed in touch over the last year and a half as they’ve broken into the homoerotic wrestling business. So what a delight it was for me to have both of them agree to sit down with me and give a tandem interview to reflect on how far they’ve come, and in particular break down some of the sexy details of their newly released battle with each other in BG East’s Passion and Punishment. I shared my very enthusiastic thoughts about that match last week, so what a treat to delve deeper into that incredibly sexy battle with the two studs in question. The conversation took some twists and turns that I did not expect, and there’s some reckoning still to happen now that some words were spoken on the record, that a particular wrestler can’t take back now. So buckle up for this wild ride with two sizzling sexy sophomores and one very turned-on blogger.
Bard: Drake and Mason, thanks for chatting with me. This is my first time interviewing two handsome studs at the same time. Thanks for being my first 3-way!
Mason: Happy to oblige. I hope Drake isn’t too intimidated being in the same interview with me.
Bard: After the bruising you took in your recent match, Drake, I could imagine why you might feel intimidated. Any post-traumatic flashbacks sitting down for this chat with Mason here?
Drake: Always…always a pleasure, Bard. When it comes to Mason, however, I don’t believe that what I feel in regards to him is “intimidation”, per se. I would say that it’s more akin to “awareness.” No false, swaggering bravado on my part…a “no spin zone” if you will. I’m well aware that I got my ass whupped all over that mat room, very well aware. So what I feel is more of an “awareness” of what he’s capable of now, so our inevitable rematch will involve a little more calculation than what I normally bring to a match up. I’m surprised my shoulders are still functioning after that shit.
Bard: I have to admit, I was a little worried about lasting damage to your body as well. Glad to hear you’re still in working order and plotting the rematch. Mason, you quite clearly had a plan in mind when you arrived on the mats that day. What was going through your head when you posted Drake’s photo on the wall and wrote “property of Mason Brooks” across it?
Mason: So I have a little confession. I try to let my wrestling do the talking, so to speak. But when I found out my next match was against precious little Drake, I just couldn’t resist playing a few head games. He really is fun to mess with, even when you don’t have him locked up in a bodyscissor, and watching the frustration bloom across his face is half the fun. Besides, I needed to set everyone straight, and make them realize I’m no jobber (those last two boys got lucky, I got distracted by their Canadian-ness). So I thought, what better way to make my mark as a real threat than to, literally, mark him as my property? Oh sure, I started with the picture, ’cause I knew that would get him going, but from the start I had visions of him lying there helpless with my name written in big letters across his chest. I planned that match in my mind a hundred times, and then I made it happen. I’m just glad they filmed it so I can watch my handiwork, and take satisfaction in a job well done. After they see this match, no one will mistake me for a jobber. And that is what we Washingtonians call controlling the narrative.
Bard: Controlling is definitely the first word that comes to my mind as I watch that session. It also seemed that sending a message was on both of your minds. How much do both of you have your fans in mind when you step onto the mat?
Drake: If there’s one thing Drake values more than his meds, it’s his fans. It’s why I started the blog (it’s not been abandoned, promise), it’s why my undercover photo sprees are now infamous (my lips are sealed on the culprit of the last one, however). Not only was Mason’s liberty with my photo and my sharpie an affront to me, it was an affront to my fans. I mean who the hell wants Mason’s “autograph” on my picture?! And I swore to myself I would make him pay. I had the best of intentions, I swear. Nobody can say I didn’t fight my heart out.
Mason: I also had Drake’s fans in mind.
Drake: Bitch…
Mason: Seriously, though, when you’re in the middle of an intense match like that, part of you knows the fans are watching and you want to make something that’s enjoyable to watch, but mostly that takes a back seat to more immediate concerns, like the guy whose abs you’re beating on at the moment. There’s no time to think about much else. Hopefully that intensity comes through and makes the match fun for everyone to watch.
Drake: I find myself echoing some of the same sentiments.
Bard: You’re both incredibly intense wrestlers who are always a blast to watch! I couldn’t help but notice you both mention during your match adoring comments that have been made about you. Of course, I’m thinking of the references to Drake as the Cheshire Cat of homoerotic wrestling and the description of Mason’s nipples as “magical.” I like to take credit for both of those talking points when it comes to your PR (though I suspect I’m not the first to refer to your nipples as magical, Mason). Do comments from fans and bloggers ever help psych you up as you prepare for a match? In other words, do you ever read your own PR, and does that ever figure into what you’re bringing into the mat room with you?
Drake: I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have the Drake Marcos’ reference section of Neverland bookmarked on my desktop. I hope you don’t mind that I claimed the Bard-coined Cheshire Cat moniker as my own. Also I have never deleted an email from a fan yet. I use this as kind of a launching point: things that fans want from my matches and always try to do fans a service that way. But in terms of psyching myself up for a match? I’m like a tightly wound spring, in that regard. Always have a bit of gear and a can of red bull in my bag, ready to go.
Bard: Mind!? Are you crazy! Turned on, more like. I just have to figure out what sort of royalty payments you owe me. Mason, do you follow your own PR, and if so, can I get kickbacks every time you use the phrase “magical” to describe your nipples?
Drake: I think we all know Mason enjoys having his considerable ego stroked…among other things.
Mason: Feel free to draw something up, Bard, and I’ll have my legal team look it over.
Bard: I’ll fax something over in the morning. There will be lots of stroking involved. So this was, I believe, the first time we’ve seen you wrestle naked, Mason. How was the experience of wrestling naked on camera for you ?
Mason: I didn’t think too much about it, actually. It just sort of happened in the moment. And then that horse was out of the barn, as they say, so I went with it. Being buck naked is very liberating, I must say. Although one must be careful not to, (ahem), squash anything. Other than Drake, of course. I was happy to squash him.
Drake: Yeah, yeah…
Bard: Well I hope we get to see that horse liberated often! Now, Drake, this wasn’t the first time we’ve seen your trunks ripped off and your naked fineness dragged across the mat. While it’s our pleasure to see your body getting fitter with every match, it doesn’t look like you’re exactly enjoying being on the short end of another brutal, humiliating beating. In a conversation I recently had with another wrestler who will remain anonymous you were referred to as a “sweet jobber.” How do you feel about the moniker “jobber,” and what keeps your head in the game after a series of such crushing defeats?
Drake: Thank you for noting my progress; the attention and compliments are very appreciated. I think I have an idea as to just who that wrestler was that referred to me in such a manner; his wording narrows the list of suspects considerably. Maybe when you finally accept my challenge/invitation I can allay my suspicions by beating the culprit’s name out of you. Despite my less-than-stellar track record at BG, I kind of balk at the title “jobber” (because that’s what it is…a “title”, NOT a “moniker”…it’s not my name or identity. Trust). No one likes getting their ass kicked. I was seriously untested and inexperienced when I stepped onto the mats for my baptism/trial by fire with Gabriel Ross and since then, from each and every significant thumping that I endure, I learn and take a lot that will help inform my future matches. Someone once said you have to lose your life to find it; you have to die to be reborn. I do believe that my soul crushing trouncing in the ring by Jonny along with my equally disheartening loss on the mats to you-know-who has been a… Y’know what? Just prepare yourself for the coming Rebirth. I can just feel it. How do I keep my head in the game? The fact that I know that all the “jobber” comments and dismissiveness that people regard me with are just the growing pains I have to go through before I reach my full potential. This whipping boy is taking up the lash.
Bard: Sounds like we should be watching for the Second Coming of Drake. I certainly mean no offense when I ask about the term jobber. From the fan side of things, some of the hottest commodities are the sweetly selling jobbers, and as Mason mentioned during your match, you are nothing short of beautiful when your face is twisted up in agony. That said, I think I remember suggesting that if you won something in the year-end BGE awards, then I might have to take your call out seriously. So congratulations on your match with Jonny winning Best Squash, and bring it on, stud! Though, if you don’t enjoy getting your ass kicked, I’ll understand if you don’t want to risk it. What were some of the lessons you learned with Mason’s ass sitting on your face?
[extensive, awkward silence]
Mason: This isn’t the first time someone’s been dumbstruck by my ass.
Bard: I believe that. A lot.
Drake: Sorry, was answering some fan mail. I love compliments, I really do and there is a certain group that like to see me fading out in a sleeper. Hey, I’m not going to knock people’s tastes. Fans just need to not get so…comfortable. Even though I got completely bulldozed by Jonny, I can’t hate on it. I lobbied hard for that award. There would have been…repercussions if I didn’t get something for that match besides bruising that lasted for a little over a week. Despite my humbling ordeal against Mason, I did learn a lot, but, Bard, what does it matter what kind of bullets are in the gun as long as the gun is loaded? It’s my ammo! To answer that question would be akin to emptying the clip. Uh-uh…no way. However, step on the mats with me, Bard. You can learn first hand just what I’ve learned.
Bard: Personally I’d like to see you trussed up on a turnbuckle in the ring again, but mat, ring, whatever. We’ll see what we can do, stud. Now try to pay attention as Mason discusses where he’s still learning to up his game, because you could use a little practice scouting your competition, if you want that rematch. So, Mason, other than facing Canadians, what are your… I don’t want to say weaknesses… growing edges?
Mason: Ha, “growing edges,” I like that. I try to learn something from every match, win or lose, (not that losing is much of a concern these days). As much as a wrestling match is about physical strength and skill, I’ve learned just how important it is to go in with the right attitude, and pay attention to the mental dynamics at play. There have definitely been a few matches–including my first few for BG East–where I went in with a certain trepidation, just because I was the new guy, or because the other guy is bigger, or talks a big game. The truth is, though, every guy–every guy–has a part of him that feels weak and can be intimidated. The trick is to find that and exploit it. Some guys are just more easily exploited than others [*cough* *cough*]. So I feel like I’m getting better at that mental aspect of the competition, and I look forward to taking on the challenges that BG East has in store for me with a renewed sense of confidence.
Bard: That makes total sense, and I can clearly seeing you doing exactly that in all of your matches thus far. I also love how no one had been able to resist locking lips with you. I hope that theme continues in your march to greatness. Since you’re feeling the wind at your back, would you be willing to give Drake some pointers as he toils away at that first on-camera victory? What does he need to do to pull all of his experience on the short end of the stick together into a winning plan?
Drake: He wins one match so he’s a pro offering lessons now? What a crock!
Mason: Ya know, green isn’t a good color on you, boy. Anyway, Bard, I think the best advice I could give is to clear your mind, forget about all your previous matches, all your previous opponents, and come at the next one like it’s your first, a real clean slate. Now, in the case of me, that might be difficult, since I’m pretty much unforgettable, but I wish him the best of luck with that. I’d like nothing better than to see Drake turn things around and notch one in the winner’s column.
Bard: Now, that’s just sweet and sportsmanlike! Since you do have more matches on your resume, Drake, do you have any gems of wisdom to share with Mr. Magical Nipples?
Mason: Oh boy, here we go…
Drake: Thank you, Mason, for your words of “wisdom.” I think there’s some solid advice in there. I will say this, you may have Bard and the others fooled with this “good guy” act, but I’m unconvinced. But here’s my advice: watch your back. And stay away from Jonny. Nothing will crush this little victory lap that you’re on faster than 5 minutes in the ring with him.
Bard: What do the two of you think about other wrestlers at BGE? In addition to Jonny, who do think are the toughest competitors currently in the mix? Which headliners are the most overhyped?
Drake: I think Jonny should tread lightly when it comes to Lane Hartley. The man is gorgeous and so, so deadly. Overhyped? Mason Brooks….but you said “headliners.” In all seriousness though, every guy on the roster is there for a reason, they all have something to bring to the table, and have reached their level of popularity for a reason, and I can only hope that my star continues to shine and maybe one day as bright as theirs.
Bard: Okay, Mason, Drake has just pulled all his punches. Tell us, straight from the hip, who do you think is the real deal at BGE and who’s treading on thin ice?
Mason: Let’s see. I’ve seen enough of Jonny to know that he knows his stuff. Same with Ethan Axel. They both have the skills, and it shows. As for those two on the cover of our latest DVD, Skrapper and Trey, I’m not convinced. Both of them are a little too pretty to seem like much of a threat on the mats, but there’s only one way to find out for sure. I guess I’ll just have to take them both on.
Bard: I just swooned. My mind is going to spin for days trying to decide in a Mason-Skrapper-Trey sandwich, who is the filling. What do you say to prospective wrestlers thinking about trying out for BG East? Now that you’re sophomores, what can you tell aspiring homoerotic wrestlers to prepare them for what they’ll find should they make it to the dance?
Drake: First off, make sure this is really what you want to do, because once it’s out there, it’s out there. Secondly, put your training into overdrive, working for BG is not easy, it’s actually work. Now with that disclaimer, I would say that they can expect to find a feeling of homecoming: being around others with a like mind, shared vision, similar passions, camaraderie, lasting friendships, sexy wrestling (of course). However, be prepared to have your strength and endurance tested. Train like never before.
Bard: Sounds like a good gig. As I’m sitting here with you two, there are two words that keep popping up for me: tag team. A Marcos/Brooks team sounds like an awesomely sexy and dangerous pairing. Either of you thought about tag teaming?
Drake: I’m sure I can put my considerable ego aside and work with Mason, if he feels the same , especially since I know what he’s capable of now. I mean, we kind of dominated those games of pool chicken that those leaked pictures showed.
Bard: Exactly my thinking. What do you think about the idea, Mason?
Mason: Yeah, we did make a good team in the pool, and I feel like Drake was a natural in the girl’s role. It must be easier when you have a guy with a strong (and sexy) pair of legs supporting you. I would definitely be up for a tag team match, since it’s something I haven’t done yet. Especially if they paired us up against the right team. Maybe another recent winner/loser pair? We just have to be careful–watching Drake can be mesmerizing, so I might get distracted and forget to come to his rescue. Or turn on him… Nah, I’m not that kind of guy. I can be a little, uhh, what’s the word…arrogant, perhaps? But I’m also loyal to a fault. If Drake was my teammate, I’d whip both the other guys, just for bragging rights. I do so enjoy bragging.
Drake: [sighs angrily]
Bard: I’m not sure that’s a formula for victory, but I want a front row seat for that match, because that would be some sweet, sexy drama! And I couldn’t agree with you more that Drake is awfully mesmerizing to watch wrestle. Between your nipples and Drake’s pretty face, I think you two could make quite the mesmerizing duo. I knew that doing this tandem interview would turn out to be a wild ride. Anything else either of you would like to say to each other… or me… or either army of your respective fans?
Mason: I just got a chance to watch the match yesterday, and I think it’s something pretty special, so I hope everybody enjoys it as much as Drake enjoyed getting worked over by me. I’ve probably said it before, but the fans are what keep us pushing harder to look our best, fight our hardest, and make the best match videos we can. I’ve been humbled (well, almost humbled) by the amount of support and encouragement I’ve received since my debut, and it makes me eager to keep reaching for bigger and better things. Who knows what this year will hold? Maybe I’ll turn my attention to the ring. And Drake my boy, if you ever feel like getting some practice in, you know where to find me. I promise to go a little easier on you, and to leave the Sharpie at home.
Bard: Well said, of course, Mason. You have as remarkable a facility with words as you do with wrestling. And since you mention it, I have to say that despite Drake’s comment about not enjoying getting his ass kicked, I could swear he’s enjoying it at least a little when you have him racked over your back near the end of your match. His lips may say “no, no” but that swelling cock seems to sing another tune. What say you, Drake?
Drake: Listen, at the end of the day, wrestling turns me on. Whether I’m getting my ass kicked or kicking ass (it’s gonna fuckin’ happen!!!) it’s incredibly arousing to have two sweaty bodies rubbing up against each other, muscles straining, hearts racing, breaths ragged. It’s what drew me to it before and what keeps me coming back now. I’ll admit it, Mason’s hot, and the view of me across his shoulders only increases the sexiness tenfold. I mean, I am mesmerizing (as you both have stated). About fans: they are everything, seriously. I probably would have withered up by this point if I didn’t get besieged with messages when I log on to global, or when I receive an email from someone who stumbled across my blog, wanting to know when I’m getting back to it (hint: soon), or telling me they see themselves on the page. I too find myself humbled and grateful to talk to people everyday that enjoy my work as well as wrestling in general, and then getting to know them as people. The digital age has made this great big world so much smaller – the little closet gay boy out in the boonies who enjoys wrestling with his friends because of his physiological response to it and has to live vicariously through the stuff he finds on the net. I was that kid, and now I get to live out my dream. Live what you love. Granted, the world of homoerotic wrestling is a small one. We’re a niche little world and an unglamorous one but, shit, I get to live a dream!! I’ve developed some amazing friendships through this whole journey, and am eager to see what happens next and hopefully am able to give my fans (and wrestling fans in general) what they want, and have come to expect, from BG. The ride has just begun.
Bard: Obviously, Drake, you also have an awesome ability to communicate the heart and passion of what turns so many of us on about homoerotic wrestling. I’m so inspired by your eloquence that it makes me feel a little ambivalent about needing to join the swelling ranks of guys who’ve worn you out. Mason, what do you think? Should I let young Drake off the hook for all his trash talk tossed my way, or does he need yet one more serving of humble pie?
Drake: Um, you’re fine… Looking for a way out, Bard?
Bard: [laughing] No! Just thought I should check with Mason since he appears to now own you, lock, stock, and fully aroused barrel. Don’t want to plant my flag on already claimed territory.
Drake: He only thinks he owns me! And the only planting that…you want to take this outside?
Bard: If need be, sure, but settle down there buckaroo. Mason earned the right to express his opinion on the subject right around the time he had you weeping for mercy draped across his shoulders. I’d like to hear what he has to say, seeing how he has the most recent read on just how much brutality and humiliation you can survive.
Mason: As much as I would love to think that I was the one who finally gave Drake his fill of punishment, I’m sure he’s already secretly eager for more.
Bard: Oh, no Drake. I am so sorry. I think that was the sound of your last chance leaving the building.
Drake: What are you apologizing for? I’ve been itching to show you just what I can do, Bard. That was your last chance!
Bard: Well, we can sort out the details of Drake’s next drubbing between the two of us. You two have made my first 3-way a true delight, and given me a lot to contemplate. I cannot wait to see where your wrestling careers take you next, and I hope that includes a 3-way rumble between Mason, Skrapper, and Trey, and a much needed recuperative vacation for Drake once I’m done with him. I hope you’ll stay in touch, Mason, and I hope you don’t hold it against me after I spank your ass, Drake!
Drake: Bring it, Bard…your writing won’t save you on the mats. Let’s do this!
Mason: Let me know if you guys need a ref.
Bard: If you wear speedos and a smirk, you’re hired. And my mind blowing wrestling fantasy will be complete!
I’ve been slacking off on reading the other words of insight, wisdom and confession from the homoerotic wrestling blogosphere. I find this a dangerous state of affairs, as I can be lulled to complacency in my own echo chamber if I don’t partake of the vital conversations of others with their eyes, ears, and often their bodies on the scene. So here’s a quick round-up of what others are musing on when it comes the topic you and I enjoy most.
In the genre of wrestlers blogging…
CameronWrestler – Cameron Matthews posted yesterday a classified ad for a pair of Braden Charron’s posing trunks. Cameron has been booking custom videos and private matches for several hot wrestling hunks like Braden, and clearly he’s also happy to pass along the word that you can have the banana hammock that’s cradled the package where your face wants to be. Check out the pics and email Cameron if you want to put a bid in on, inch for inch, one of the most provocative pieces of cloth on the planet.
Jonny Firestorm – Don’t be deceived by the lack of updates on Jonny Firestorm’s splash page, because he updated his page this morning to tell you where he doesn’t care who else wins anything in BG East’s year end polls, because even if someone beats him in votes, he’ll simply “let him enjoy his 15 minutes of fame before I print out the results page, shove it down his throat and bash his balls until he cries out, ‘I’m Jonny’s bitch.” So in a hypothetical world in which Jonny isn’t in the running, he blogs about who he believes should have won each of the categories. He also has some sweet shots of him off hours hanging with other wrestling hunks.
Monaco Off the Mats – Ben Monaco last Sunday shared his new years resolutions (and a hot selfie showing off that always sexy bod and those growing more and more defined abs). These include more wrestling (and more savoring it it along the way in blog form). He also resolves to build more muscle, lose fat, and look good (resolution achieved on that third one already). Check out his invitation for you to help him on his third resolution.
In the genre of bloggers on the eroticism of wrestling…
Beefcakes of Wrestling – Bruno at Beefcakes is prolific in posting and has an incredible eye for pro wrestling beef. This week was no exception, posting on Sunday about the Lean Shah v Warren Brady match, Monday posting a collage of Beefcakes in action, Tuesday on Steven Walters, Wednesday including pics from Ring of Honor’s Final Battle 2013, and yesterday asking the rhetorical question that requires no answer: which would you rather look at, a wrestling hunk in shirts or down to his skin?
Inner Jobber – SP has his favorites, so no wonder he started the week with a Sunday/Monday double post study on Sean Stasiak. On Tuesday SP introduced us to every naked inch of a bodybuilder who’d have made a stunning wrestler, Craig Carpuso. On Wesdnesday, SP wrote an open letter to BG East, asking for a download over the opening credit music to their videos (I agree, I’ve been trained to get turned on by it), along with a special request. On Thursday he mused on the beauty that is Aaron Eckhart (yum!). Then on Friday he reported in pictures on the latest from WWE
Ringside at Skull Island – Joe consistently posts high quality and quantity commentary on the hottest wrestling action across multiple platforms. On Tuesday he posted a review of Eli Black’s magnificent work taking down a double team at UCW. On Wednesday he covered the coverage of a Japanese wrestling match introducing me to a new man of my dreams, Hiroshi Yamato (check out those pics! Tom Zenk’s Japanese twin!). Thursday, he reports on a straight up pro match from Terre Haute, and Friday muses on the man of my dreams I’ve known about a long time, ripped genetic freak, insanely sexy Scot Prince Devitt. Finally, this morning, Joe posts on a classic pro wrestling hunk from the 80s, Steve O. As always, Joe brings a beautiful mix of text and graphics to get the point across (the point being wrestling is sexy as hell, of course).
Wrestling Arsenal – WA is also extremely prolific, insightful, and just plain hilarious. On Sunday he posted his weekly Suffering Sunday montage. Monday was for pro wrestlers flexing their tongue muscles. Tuesday was all about Christ Dickinson (and his trunk strings). On Wednesday, he provided nearly minute by minute coverage of a match starring one of my Brit crushes, Terry Frazier. Thursday was all about Boston crabs through the ages, and Friday was a new installment on his series on Doughboys. Finally this morning he posted on a new-to-me masked wrestler who instantly turns me on, The Romantic Touch.
And just reporting on some blogs that haven’t been updated in a while, but I’m keeping my eye on…
Drake Marcos: The Cheshire Cat of Homoerotic Wrestling – Drake’s last post was a bid for votes late last month in the BG East poll. I was very glad to see his Custom Combat with Jonny come out on top as best squash of the year.
That Ginger Guy – Reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler around these parts hasn’t updated his blog since September 5, which is a shame, because I hang on his every word and the promise of more candid photos of his beauty.
Welcome to Thunderdome – Cage Thunder’s most recent post was from December 13, in which he lauds the arrival of BG East’s newest massive, vicious pro wrestling heel rising, Lane Hartley.
Sidelineland 