Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Name That Tat

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Wow! There was a spike in the traffic through the blog yesterday, with almost 3,500 page views and close to 1,500 visitors. That must include a lot of new folks walking through the door, so a special welcome to those of you just tuning in. While this blog is never a numbers game, it certainly does include fun and games. So for this week’s quiz, take out your number 2 pencils and get ready for a little twist. I’m changing up our subject for today. Rather than asses, we’ll be playing, “Name That Tattoo.”

The rules are the same. On scant evidence, see how many of the following homoerotic wrestler tattoos seem familiar. For full credit, name the wrestler with the ink. For extra credit, name his opponent and the match. Advanced students ONLY should proceed to item #5 below, because I’m the first to admit that it’s a damn tough one.

First up, tat #1:

I don’t anticipate regular readers of the blog will require any additional clues, but I’ll give them to you anyway, just to make sure we all have a little taste of success early on in the quiz to keep us from starting off demoralized. Clue #1, this homoerotic wrestler does not perform under the name Gabriel. Possibly more helpful, he also has some smattering of additional tattoos around his hips and crotch that look like lipstick marks (I’d kiss that!). My final clue, because you certainly don’t need more, is that this tatted wrestling wonder possesses the record for holding the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy longer than anyone else. This is an open-book quiz, so, seriously, you have no excuse at this point.

Tat #2:

Damn, this man is a work of art. I’ve been sorely missing him from the homoerotic wrestling scene, though I get my dose of him regularly by following his many “tweets.” A musician, an educator, a former favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy of mine, and a wicked smart piece of work. I’m rating this item only slightly more challenging than tat #1, and as I mentioned, this is an open-book quiz, so no more clues for you.

Tat #3:

Fans of this petite homoerotic wrestler were a little stunned when he returned from a hiatus in front of the camera with a liberal coating of ink. His homoerotic wrestling moniker does not start with a J or a G, but he’s a gorgeous, scrappy, ferocious little pit bull who, let’s face it, tends to get his ass handed to him by the much, much (much) bigger boys in he battles in the one production company he works for. In fact, I’d say it’s a miracle that he’s managed to avoid serious, life-threatening injuries even playing with the body building mega monsters he typically faces. He must have God on his side. Now I’ve said too much.

Tat #4:

I’m not sure whether you’ll find this gorgeous ink easier or more difficult to name than the owner of tat #3. His tenure in homoerotic wrestling was tragically brief, but he accounts for a whole lot of viewing pleasure from me. He’s participated in the NOH8 campaign. The arm about to choke him out in the pic above is much more familiar to frequent readers of this blog (and also belongs to an inked hottie). That’s more than enough said. This one is supposed to be hard.

Tat #5:
So I’m serious now, this one should only be attempted by advanced students. Remedial homoerotic wrestling fans will likely only find this bewildering. This homoerotic wrestler is included in today’s quiz because, like the owner of tat #4, he accounts for many more moments of climactic pleasure of mine than his scant homoerotic wrestling resume might imply. Making this extra tough is the fact that he’s unlisted in the wrestler profiles of the company he wrestled for, despite his having appeared in 3 wrestling tapes dating around 6 or 7 years ago. That’s it. If he caught your eye as commandingly as he did mine, the bull skull inked to his hot left pec will instantly ring a bell for you. If not, you’ll have to hit the library and put in a whole lot of study time to pull this one off.
As usual, feel free to play at home, but you’re also welcome to compare notes with one another in the comments below. The first player to score all possible points (wrestlers, opponents, and matches – even the matches for the posed pics where no opponent is visible!) on this assignment (before I reveal the answers in tomorrow’s post) can claim the prize of a pic of one of my own tats, just to make things (possibly) more competitive for you. You may begin…

Contending with Joe

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Joe at Ringside at Skull Island is very, very keen on BG East’s new release, Ringwars 19. Since I possess a preferential regard for both ring wrestling and Joe’s opinions, Ringwars 19 is instantly on my to-own list. Joe’s description of an early-career Alexi Adamov hanging from a rafter with his long, gorgeous thighs clamped around the head of Naughty Nick Naughton is sufficient to convince me that Ringwars is my kind of wrestling kink.
But now that the new releases are available for the masses to order, I’m feeling the need to contradict Joe. Perhaps less a contradiction than a contention, I’m feeling that if you own no other new release to emerge in 2011, you’ll want it to be Sunshine Shooters 4. Joe argues that all-time need-to-own would be Ringwars 19. It’s not that I doubt Joe’s tastes in the least. But I jumped on the Sunshine Shooters 4 wagon at the earliest possible moment, and was blown away. This release includes three matches that hold my attention and turn me on, non-stop. Most newsworthy for most, though, will be the fact that cover boy, Playboy model, and internet softcore it-boy, Z-Man Zack Vasquez, has dipped his foot in the deep end of the pool that is BG East wrestling.
I’ve had a love/hate (or at least a lust/antipathy) relationship with Z-Man for some time. Ever since I first saw him ham it up against Alexander years ago for Thunder’s Arena, I was both captivated by the Z-Man’s incredible physique and aggravated by his salesmanship. Following his progress with Thunder’s and in the early crop of matches with Rock Hard Wrestling, I’ve been adamantly proscribing a stern, merciless lesson in being introduced to actual pain in order wipe that irrepressible, smarmy, “this-is-all-play-acting” smirk off his truly beautiful face. I’ll marvel more about the details in a future post, but for now, let me just bow down to the perfectly tuned stylings of veteran Patrick Donovan who delivers exactly what the doctor ordered. 
Frankly, I suspected that bringing along the Z-Man could be a bit of a gamble for BG East. In my estimation, BG East’s strength is in their high quality, all-in wrestling, so a half-assed, smirking performance by even a Playboy model could be an embarrassing ding on BG East’s fine reputation. But the Boss rolled the dice and damn, did it pay off! The pacing and action here make me gasp. The wrestling is completely engaging and astonishingly hot. Patrick seriously beats on Z-Man with his fists in a way that totally satisfies me. The audible thumps followed quickly by Z-Man’s reflexive grunts are just about as stellar as the sight of the Z-Man’s gorgeous pecs and eight-pack abs turning bright red from the relentless assault. Z-Man (and Patrick, for that matter) has never looked more tasty, more toned, or in skimpier wrestling gear. Z-Man-addicts, and I know there are many of you, will find this bout simply fantastic. 
Next up, there’s Cole Cassidy and Tony Vencini working up a sheen of sweat that continually makes me press “pause.” Cole never disappoints me. This is my first Tony match, and he’s one big, solid brute of a battler. Their grappling is astonishingly high quality, with incredibly intense and relentless pacing that tires me out just watching it (for many reasons). But again, just like my assessment of Patrick and the Z-Man, I have to say that having adored Cole’s body many, many times before, he’s simply never looked more stunning, shiny, hard, and ripped to shreds, working incredibly hard against an accomplished and bigger boy. Another truly entertaining match.
Seriously, I’d pay money (but probably couldn’t afford) for Cole to slide my head between his devastating thighs and squeeze, and I’d tip him a whole lot extra to let me me reach up and squeeze those meaty pecs of his at the same time.
But as I mentioned a couple of days ago, I’m totally smitten with the amazing match-up of beefy bruiser Brook Stetson going muscle to muscle against my inaugural favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy and regular fixture in my fondest wrestling fantasies, Mitch Colby. Like all the shoots in this collection, these boys (okay, I like the term boys, but in this case, I simply have to call these studs men), these men are working their asses off. Just as importantly, they work their singlets off and are both quickly coated in each other’s sweat. Something happens inside me though, when Brook hog ties Mitch’s wrists behind his back using Mitch’s own jock strap as bindings. Mitch’s beautiful ass is wedgied high and hard, and for the first time in this entire match, Mitch’s endless tenacity simply can’t keep him fighting against the overpowering behemoth. Brook is understated, but unmistakably pleased with his handiwork as he slides Mitch face-first high between his oak-tree thighs for an astonishing face-to-crotch, hands literally tied behind Mitch’s back, head scissor submission. Holy fuck.
That “something” that happens to me, by the way, is the completely out-of-the-blue return of Mitch to the top rankings of my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboys. It was a brief tenure that DJ enjoyed as the top contender for the title, and I wouldn’t count DJ out of the running for long with the way he’s been tearing through the competition at Naked Kombat as of late, but Sunshine Shooters 4 unquestionably bears witness to a shocking assault from behind, in which Mitch manages to gorilla press DJ’s lightweight, ripped to shreds body over head, leave him hanging and gasping in shock and terror for an eternity, before tossing DJ right out of the ring, leaving Mitch the undisputed top contender staring down my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, Trent Diesel.
Perhaps I might think differently once I get a chance to enjoy Ringwars 19. Perhaps you might think differently with both products in hand and well-scrutinized. But I’ve just got to say, I suspect for many of us, if there’s no other new release we buy in 2011, we’d simply have to own Sunshine Shooters 4.

It’s Who You Know

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While I have no regrets in having just handed the title belt of homoerotic wrestler of the month to Ace Hanson, it has to be said that in February 2011, Cameron Mathews was everywhere. Starting with making a surprise appearance as a reference in my interview with my favorite homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy, Lon Dumont, every time I turn around I’m seeing images of Cameron.
Cameron Mathews v Rio Garza – Can-Am’s Pro Bashed Triple Threat
Truth be told, that typically causes a drop in a homoerotic wrestler’s stock as far as I’m concerned. I’ve gone on the record several times calling to task producers who are overexposing the fine, beautiful talent that we pay to enjoy. Give me steady diet of champagne and caviar and I’ll be sick of it soon enough (sooner, really). But hearing from Lon that he and Cameron go way back, and in fact Lon trained Cameron in pro wrestling, softens me up a bit as I consider the omnipresence of Cameron. His ever beefier bod with tracks of sweat pouring down his gorgeous pecs as he applies a boston crab to Rio Garza for Can-Am’s Pro Bashed Triple Threat, on the other hand, makes any hint of softness in me evaporate and a decided hardness come over me, instead.
Cameron Mathews v Donnie Drake – Can-Am’s Pro Bashed Triple Threat

Cameron has got to be one of the hardest working hunks to climb into ring after ring after ring. He’s got 20 times the energy level of almost any opponent I’ve seen him face. He’s a “performer” in the very best and most respectful sense of the word. He’s working his craft, toning his body, and selling story after story of a fierce, babyface gladiator with a razor wit and genetic lottery-winner of an ass going toe-to-toe to prove that he’s not only the strongest, not only the most skilled, but he’s also the most clever.

Cameron Mathews v Rio Garza – Can-Am’s Pro Bashed Triple Threat

Can-Am tends to sell Cameron’s cred as an indy pro veteran. Not only did he appear in Can-Am’s “gay themed” release of Pro Bashed Triple Threat in February, he also showed up in their straight-up version of indy wrestling, Cyberfights, in Tag Team Battle 3. And true enough, Cameron clearly knows his way around a wrestling ring. He has an awesome understanding of his own body as well as the way to work over, immobilize, and inflict pain on the bodies of others. He sells every moment I’ve seen him on camera.

Cameron Mathews v Rocky Brick – Thunder’s Arena’s Mat Wars 25

And did I mention his ass? Yes? Well let me just repeat myself. Cameron’s got the bubblest butt I’ve ever seen. I can marvel at the sight of his glutes for a long, long time without losing interest.

Cameron Mathews v Rocky Brick – Thunder’s Arena’s Mat Wars 25

He’s got a clever-clown persona, particularly in his work with Thunder’s Arena, such as their late February release of Mat Wars 25, that bridges the gap for me between an impressive wrestler and a hot wrestler. Delight is included in Cameron’s range, along with ferocious and agonized and fearful and vicious. Too many hot homoerotic wrestlers skimp on the expression of delight, I think. Without some moments of expressed delight, the rest of a wrestling performance can come across a little more like constipation than competition. Cameron does not appear constipated. Like Lon, Cameron can chuckle at the sight of his opponent humbled. He can thrill to dominate and mug for the camera. It looks like he’s not just punching the clock, but that in moments (perhaps not so much when he’s getting his ass kicked and selling his agony), he’s having fun.

Cameron Mathews v Billy Lodi – BGE Mat Brats 2

So for all he brings, and particularly for getting a nod of respect from my favorite homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy, Cameron gets a pass on my typical bitching about a wrestler showing up in too many places at one time.

First Class

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It’s been my policy to avoid posting pics from the BG East Arena until the matches are available for sale on the main page. One reason for this is so that I don’t get a flood of “where can I find this match!?” comments. A second reason is that I figure membership should have its privileges, as the old credit card commercial instructs us, and just like the classist foundations of procedures for boarding an airplane, those who pony up should enjoy some perks.

That said, I’m unable to resist posting some preview pics of the upcoming release of Sunshine Shooters 4. My inability to restrain myself is partly a result of the fact that Arena members can already download this match for viewing (so we still have our class privilege), and also because it’s been well-documented that I have both a pathological lack of impulse control AND a crazy crush on Mitch Colby. So there’s access to instant download, Mitch in peak physical condition, and he and juggernaut Brook Stetson stripped to jockstraps and soaked in each other’s sweat. I’m as defenseless as the picture of Mitch with his wrists hogtied behind his back in his own jockstrap (more on that in a second).

Sunshine Shooters 4 has more surprises in store, including the appearance of internet phenom it-boy, Z-Man, wrestling for the first time in the big leagues with BGE. But what I’m obsessing about is Mitch, all 6’2 and 206 pounds of Florida-tanned gorgeous muscle, getting tied up like a pretzel and mounted from behind by 5’11, 240 (!) pounds of thick, granite, hairy musclestud Brook Stetson.

This is not a squash. Man-of-my-dreams Mitch brings some extremely impressive skill and tenacity to the mat. He even wrings a submission out of the mountain of a man in front of him. But, damn! Brook is an astonishingly skilled wrestler and uses every opportunity to exploit his weight and strength advantage to work Mitch into one humiliating, compromised position after another. The sight of Mitch’s head getting completely crushed high between Brook’s ridiculously huge and fantastically inked thighs is wrestling kink perfection.

But wait. Brook then uses Mitch’s own jockstrap to tie the tanned hunk’s wrists behind his back, taunt and humiliate him some more, and then slide Mitch back between his gargantuan thighs for a face-to-crotch head scissor!? I had no idea that you could so decisively improve on perfection. Now, I love Mitch in charge and muscling around his opponents. But there’s something entirely intoxicating about him tenaciously coming back for more, over and over, and getting completely devasted and made defenseless. This match rocks my wrestling kink world. Once it launches for the coach seats, I’ll have much more to say on the matter.

Got Hacked.

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Got hacked.
neverland appears to be untouched, but my email account has clearly been compromised. My apologies to folks who were in my contact list who may have received phishing emails with nefarious links. I’m migrating my email correspondence, at least temporarily, to a gmail domain.
I feel a little dirty and a lot violated. Someone touched my virtual things. He put his hands on my address book and impersonated me. Who was this shady character lurking in the shadows? Was he a socially retarded, morbidly obese slob on the order of Stieg Larsson’s Plague, wallowing in his own filth and refuse and never seeing the light of day? I prefer to picture him as a young Johnny Lee Miller from Hackers: awkward tech geek with visions of anarchy, but above all, really, really, really hot.

I’d be okay with picturing him as Garrett Hedlund from Tron: Legacy, also a studmuffin hacker boy with a six pack and big, broad pecs. Really, if I’m going to get violated and virtually fucked over, I’d much prefer to suffer at the hands of a big, hot hunk, than a pimple-ridden, value-less adolescent with delusional visions of grandeur because he can co-opt my email account to send malicious crap.

Seriously, this shit sucks and makes me a little sour on having an online presence at all. If my violator is Plague, who has to climb over his own delivery pizza boxes to make it to the toilet (if he bothers), then all of my earnest, sincere effort to explore the beauty of homoerotic wrestling and gorgeous men suddenly seems like just a little more trash littering his filthy loft. I’m suddenly struggling with an existential crisis here, my friends. What does it all amount to, if what seems like a beautiful thing to me is toilet paper to the next hacker who picks it up and wipes his butt with it?

On the other hand, if my hacker is a hot, snarky homo with a little Loki in him, nursing a bit of a heel-wannabe mischievousness just to keep us all on our toes, perhaps I shouldn’t despair. If I can replace the image of Plague rifling through my underwear drawer with the picture of a handsome, wicked smart, scrappy punk with a razor wire sense of humor and a body built by much more than roosting in front of a computer screen, maybe I shouldn’t be quite so disillusioned. If this is all some elaborate ruse to get my attention like a naughty puppy shredding my manuscript so that I’ll play with him, maybe this doesn’t merit a full on existential crisis. If he’s really just itching to arrange a face-to-face for me to kick his tight, athletic ass back and forth across the room, claw his balls until he screams, and crush his skull between my thighs as I jack his cock until he cums, then well-played. Game on.

For now, though, I’m irritated, bitter, and wondering if the lurker in the shadows will end up taking all the fun out of this for me.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

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February brought us a hardy winter crop of homoerotic wrestling. As I mentioned a few days ago, Thunder’s Arena’s presentation of Ace Hanson punishing Antonio for trying to steal his truck in No Holds Barred 5 comes with the promise from Thunder’s that this is their hottest match ever, meaning Ace and Antonio are instant contenders for February’s homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Ace also did double duty in No Holds Barred 4 against Dallas, and Antonio did a second stint this month against Angel in Mat Wars 24. Z-Man and Cody Nelson get nominations for their prettyboy scramble in Thunder’s Mat Wars 24, and just under the wire for February’s offerings comes Cameron Mathews’ work to tame hilariously named Rocky Brick in Mat Wars 25. Thunder’s is definitely dominating the field this month when it comes to nominations! But Rock Hard Wrestling has a slate of nominations to offer, as well, all from the same tag-team match up: muscle studs Tyler Reeves and Max Powers and their doe-eyed prey Chris(tian) Cox(Taylor) and Jeff (Skip) Hollister (Vance). Can-Am is going to the well a second time with their gorgeous rookie workhorse, Landon Mycles appearing in the obligatory follow up to his debut ring match (which earned him a homoerotic wrestler of the month title), starring in their Hard Heroes storyline. Can-Am also is putting up Cameron Mathews (damn, that boy is busy… and has a beautiful ass…), Donnie Drake, and Rio Garza for Pro Bashed Triple Threat, and Aryx Quinn and A.J. Irons for the much-anticipated (by me) sequel, Pro Sex Fight 2. I liked the look of several Naked Kombat boys in February, including DJ making an entirely respectable bid to be the first back-to-back repeat title holder for his domination of thug Nikko Alexander; lean-n-mean rookie Adonis‘ masterful debut against Gianni Luca; and stunning slice of thick, thick beef, rookie Roman Rivers for getting those massive, hot muscles of his tamed and claimed by veteran Leo Forte.
Damn, even without any BG East new releases, that’s a hard and thick field of competitors. This is legitimately a tough call for me for all the right reasons this month. I’d like to spread the love far and wide, but, truth be told, this is not such a tight race that I could say we’ve got a tie. No, I have to put my finger on one homoerotic wrestling stud in particular who noses his way ahead of the competitive pack this time around with a truly inspired performance. February’s homoerotic wrestler of the month is, decisively…
Ace Hanson.

It turns out, I totally buy the marketer who dubbed Ace’s action on the mat with Antonio as Thunder’s Arena’s hottest. Story is, Ace catches Antonio trying to hotwire his truck… while it’s still in the garage. Characters are established immediately (e.g., Antonio isn’t all that bright; Ace is aggrieved). Thunder’s reports these boys at just about the same size, but Ace manhandles Antonio like Saturday’s laundry. Antonio, for his part, actually has a legitimate bid here for the homoerotic wrestler of the month title. It’s not because he wrestles particularly well or convincingly. In fact, this is a remarkably one-sided match in which Antonio is pounded, twisted, pried and prodded mercilessly, without putting up much of a fight at all. But damn it, he looks like he’s actually ashamed for having been caught trying to steal Ace’s truck! I pretty much buy that Antonio takes his humiliation like well-deserved penance for his sins, and a big man who sucks up his deserved punishment without whining about it is awfully hot. But then again, in this scenario of Antonio doing penance, that makes Ace the hand of God, and that’s just that much hotter.

Ace tosses 220 pound Antonio over his shoulder, walks him through the Thunder’s house, and dumps him on the mat. Ace looks hungry as he slips on his gloves and rips off his t-shirt and jeans, his huge, gorgeous legs and ass possibly never better displayed than in his neon green zebra-stripe trunks. Ace proceeds to dish out Antonio’s punishment eagerly, determined to teach the red-handed boy a lesson he’ll never forget. But what strikes me immediately here is that Ace’s mat work is… well… so fucking intimate! I mean, wrestling and full-contact fighting are always a hair’s-breadth away from full-on simulated fucking. That goes without saying. But with Antonio taking his punishment in shame and Ace eagerly climbing on top, pressing their faces together cheek to cheek while grinding his crotch into Antonio’s lower abdomen… damn.

With Antonio on his back, Ace has Antonio’s right arm in an armlock that looks like the poor thief’s elbow could snap at any moment. “Oh, yeah… oh, yeah….” Ace whispers as Antonio grunts in bursts of pain. “Come on… come on…” Ace whispers with just a hint of pleading in his voice. Shut your eyes, and you’d swear these boys were fucking. Wrapping up Antonio’s head between Ace’s thighs, Ace crows, “Put that head where it belongs!” Flexing his glutes rhythmically, he snarls, “Feel that!? Huh!?”

Ace takes Antonio to the brink of being sleepered out cold, and then rips the hunk’s board shorts off of him. Ace starts to taunt him. “You got no life in you! Why you got no life in you boy? You wanna just lay there like that? Huh!?” He folds Antonio up and sits his big, glorious glutes down in the truck thief’s face humiliatingly. In barely adequate metallic white posing trunks, Antonio can only grunt as Ace slaps his vulnerable ass and crows, “I got you all kinked up now!” And indeed, things take a fantastically kinky turn, as Ace marvels at his own handiwork, looking down at Antonio spread-eagled helplessly underneath him. Ace reaches down and claws the truck thief’s balls, and like me, Antonio gasps.

“Come on, show me a little bit! Let me see if you’ve got some muscles on you!” Ace demands of his suffering opponent. Antonio begins to try to flex in obedience, but Ace quickly snorts in disgust and shows Antonio his bicep… up close… demanding that Antonio kiss it… which he does. Mounting him again and locking up his arms, Ace whispers almost lovingly, “That’s right, just catch your breath. I got ya. That’s right. Right there, that’s right.” Ace thrusts his hips against Antonio’s abdomen, making his massive glutes quiver as Antonio grunts in time. Ace tortures Antonio’s nipple. He wraps up Antonio’s head in a figure-4 leglock, with Antonio’s nose crushed against the base of Ace’s scrotum. More ball claws (“Say ‘mercy’ or I’ll squeeze it off!”). He forces Antonio to worship his softball-size bicep (“See that! Huh? It’s nice, isn’t it.” Yeah, Antonio grunts. “Touch it! Touch it! Come on, grab it!”) and stroke and kiss his massive, flexed quads. Ace hoists (let me remind you, 220 pound!) Antonio up over his shoulder, shoving the thief’s face into Ace’s crotch with lingering, humiliating delight.
So, Antonio decidedly does not merit homoerotic wrestler of the month after all, really, because this match is entirely a testimony to Ace’s hard work and sweat. Ace taps into a wrestling kink sadist streak deep within him that takes awesomely homoerotic turns. Ace tells this story. Ace paces the action. Ace delivers an onslaught of humiliating punishment that surely, nearly, washes away Antonio’s sins. Ace is, without a doubt, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Asses Named

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So how did you do with yesterday’s installment of “Name That Ass?” These are 4 of the very top tier favorite asses in homoerotic wrestling, for my tastes. Wait. Did I say 4!? Yes, yes indeed. I’m am the sort of teacher that throws in trick questions.
Ass #1:
You got that one, right? This was from relatively early in Brad’s homoerotic wrestling career, with his body majorly chiseled and tanned, and with glutes of steel. His opponent here in Ultra Fight 2 is hottie Scottie Williams, who is also a major daddy turn-on for me. My favorite part of Scott’s body: that fantastically hot, hard, hairy chest.
Ass #2:
Brett Mycles.
As so often happens, I’d pulled up Brett’s ass moments before I saw that Joe had posted an homage to Brett Mycles over at Ringside at Skull Island. I swear, my subconscious and Joe’s have got to have a time-share together somewhere. These particular shots of Brett’s incomparable muscle ass come from his Wrestler for Hire match against Tony Z.
Ass #4… (this was the tricky one):
Brad Rochelle, again!



True enough, this was a trick question, with Brad showing up twice in this week’s game. But there’s so much Brad goodness to go around, and there are just never too many angles to admire on his legendary homoerotic wrestling physique. The shot  of his bare glutes, aided by KL giving beaten Brad a nasty wedgie, come from Brad’s Contract 3 match-up with then teacher’s pet, Aryx Quinn.
Ass #4:
Christopher Bruce.
For admirers of Chris’ shapely, round glutes (like me), you’ve got to own his big “comeback” match against the pit bull that is Cole Cassidy in Demolition 10. Cole obliterates the laws of physics with his torturous assault on the fabric of Chris’ trunks. Chris’ ass is wedgied so high I think you can catch a glimpse of those red trunks if you look closely down his throat when he’s screaming in pain. My last clue, that this hunk can speak Spanish, was a little naughty of me. You probably don’t think of Chris, first and foremost, as a Spanish-speaker. But I love the reveal of this trivial little detail in Chris’ mat match over at Can-Am against Mexican male model, Rio Garza for Hollywood Mat Battle 1. At one point, Chris unleashes some Spanish on Rio’s ass in between falls. Rio looks confused, like he’s not sure whether he should answer back in Spanish. Chris taunts him, and I’m in love with this bilingual homoerotic wrestling hunk veteran that much more!
And speaking of bilingual… Ass #5:
… was apparently not bilingual at all: Philippe Nicolas.
This hard bodybuilder appeared in exactly one match for Can-Am, Wolff’s World, and that’s exactly what it took to make me a desperate fanatic. Good God, that man’s body is unbelievably gorgeous. Handsome as hell. Muscles for days. Full-on naked wrestling in his one and only homoerotic wrestling outing. He dishes out some intensity as well as he takes it from another icon, Mark Wolff. It’s a tragedy of epic proportions that Philippe was a one-hit-wonder. Ah, but still, what a mind-numbing, sexy wonder he was.
No one played on line, but I hope you were playing along at home. Still, no one gets any gold stars or smiley faces, because you forgot to show your work. Keep studying. There will be more quizzes for you to show your stuff.

Name That Ass

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I’m not at all sure how fun “Name that Ass” is for you, but I enjoy it, so here’s the second installment. The concept is simple. Based on scant evidence, can you name the homoerotic wrestlers whose gorgeous asses are featured below? Since I received complaints that the inaugural “Name that Ass” last week was too tough, I’ll provide you more clues and a sliding scale of difficulty (in my opinion), starting with the easiest.
To start with, this week’s ass #1:
You can feel free to name either or both asses here, though I have to say that I’m particularly partial to the ass in purple. This homoerotic wrestling ass is legendary, with a following of epic proportions requiring an entire internet discussion group devoted to it (well, not exclusively to the wrestler’s ass, per se, but to the wrestler). This wrestling ass appears in a stunning 32 homoerotic wrestling products including approximately 36 wrestling matches and featuring mat wrestling, ring wrestling, outdoor wrestling, tag-team wrestling, underwear wrestling, 2-on-1 wrestling, as a face (always), as a jobber, as a heel… If you still need more clues, spank yourself on your own ass for not having been sufficiently inculcated into the iconography of contemporary homoerotic wrestling, and then picture these glutes with the word “SPEEDO” stitched across them. Seriously, this is a gimme. For advanced players, name his opponent here, the match, and the sexiest body part of that hunk.
Moving on to a slightly (just barely) more difficult challenge with ass #2:
This butt also belongs in the honored iconography of homoerotic wrestling, as far as I’m concerned, despite having a much briefer tenure in the business. This muscle stud took gay porn and gay wrestling by storm around nine years ago. Tabulating his work is entirely subjective (as are all statistics), so by my count I’m crediting him with being featured in 2 homoerotic wrestling releases, appearing in 3, and wrestling for credit in 3 matches. He ducked out of gay porn as abruptly as he appeared, working under a new name and attempting to re-craft his marketability into a non-porn fitness god. Sadly, reports are he died tragically young a few years ago. Haven’t put your finger on whose ass this belongs to yet? Again, another spanking for you, and I’m assigning you check with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island for some tutoring to get you up to speed, because, as always, Joe knows exactly what I’m thinking.
Now to ass #3:
This is the most wrestling exposure I can find of this tasty ass, with the helpful assist of another hottie to wedgie the hunk’s trunks for our pleasure and the wrestler’s humiliation. I’m not going to give you too much on this one, because if this ass is not quickly apparent to you, you need to be remanded a couple grades backward for more remedial homoerotic wrestling ass education.
Ass #4:
I say this is another iconic homoerotic wrestling ass that possesses both rare, fantastic beauty as well and possibly unmatched longevity. I’m aware of this ass’s work for three different promotions, though I think the ass itself may never have been as beautifully exhibited as in the match from which this pic comes. The opponent’s ass is world class, as well, as far as I’m concerned. That’s it. This is supposed to be the tough end of the game, so no more hints from me on this one… other than that this gorgeous, hardworking boy can speak Spanish. Okay. No more.
Ass #5 is unquestionably the most challenging entry in this week’s game of Name that Ass:
As far as I know, these marble carved glutes appeared in exactly one homoerotic wrestling release, arguably featured in one or two matches, depending on how you slice it (I say it’s one match). The rarity of appearance of this ass makes this admittedly highly difficult. It will almost certainly not help you to give you the hint that this stud was 5’8″ tall and reportedly around 178 pounds at age 25 when he wrestled his one and only homoerotic wrestling release. If you haven’t already recognized him, it probably also won’t help you to know that this homoerotic wrestler had the added disadvantage (or advantage, depending on how you look at it), of not understanding anything his opponent said during their match(es). While this final challenge for you this week might seem esoteric and random to you, I’ll justify myself by saying that even though this wrestler was a one-hit wonder, he was instantly and indelibly seared into my wrestling kink consciousness as possessing a body and a ferocity that drives me wild.
You may compare notes and work on your homework together, but your final answers should be in your own words. Extra credit for naming the matches and the opponents, and extra-extra credit for correctly guessing that I think is the sexiest body part of the boy in blue featured in pic #1.

The "Good," the "Bad," and the "Ugly"

wrestlebard1 Comment
Muscle stud Kevin Shea appeared in two Wrestleshack matches for BG East a decade ago. I’ve recently been introduced to the highly entertaining match up of Kevin and champion sweat pig (said very, very lovingly), Bud Orton, in Wrestleshack 6.

Kevin is a sexy musclestud. The pics of him relaxed and smiling for the camera illustrate that he’s classically handsome with a retro stash that works for him (wouldn’t for just anyone, though). He’s got a mouthful of teeth, and you know how I like that. He’s gorgeously fit – simply beautiful to look at. Bud sees what I’m talking about instantly as he squares off against Kevin in the BGE wrestleshack. Like always, Bud is immediately bent on dominating his opponent, controlling and punishing him, as foreplay.

Something happens to handsome, hottie Kevin in this match, though. Perhaps Bud pushes him just a little too far. Maybe Kevin always nurses a raging beast just beneath the surface of his ripped muscle bod. But as this match turns nasty, Kevin’s face begins to contort. It’s a little tough to describe, but it starts as a sneer. Both lips curl. His stash stretches and bends with the contortion of his mouth. His big, beautiful teeth are bared like a rabid dog. His nostrils flare, and there’s a feral glaze that falls across his eyes. Kevin’s retro classic appearance that moments ago made him look as if he was ripped out of a 70’s Playgirl centerfold turns into something that I can only describe as ugly.

I’m not saying that Kevin becomes unattractive – not by any means, in fact. He matches Bud ounce for ounce in pouring sweat off of his gorgeous, hardworking muscles. His physique seems to get both harder and bigger with every move and counter move. But particularly when he opens his mouth wide and sticks his tongue out with a primal, grunting growl emerging from deep in his throat, he’s just fantastically ugly. Kevin looks like he wants to take a bite out of Bud, to make lunch out of one of Bud’s thick pecs. He seems suddenly dangerous, resentful, ferocious and unpredictable.

Most men would undoubtedly keep Kevin and his chomping teeth and lapping tongue at arm’s length, but Bud reacts just the opposite. Never one to be intimidated (never), the more primal Kevin becomes, the more intensely Bud becomes determined to wrap him up and tame him. Well, perhaps not “tame” him… Bud mounts and muscles this hunk around, Kevin’s tongue darting and lapping hungrily every moment, until Bud finally has the sweaty hunk entirely under his control. At that point, Bud becomes equally hungry, planting his mouth across Kevin’s gaping maw. Their jaws flex and pump, as if both chewing on a tough piece of steak. The wrestling is intense and hard fought, but in the last five minutes, who gives a crap!? Bud and Kevin clearly don’t, and neither do I.

Kiss It

wrestlebard1 Comment
I haven’t yet seen the newest match from Thunder’s Arena, starring work horse Ace Hanson facing off with rookie Antonio. The members-only area has these tantalizing pics and the provocative tease that this bout, No Holds Barred 5, may be their hottest yet. Sure, sure. We’ve all heard this before from every company serving up every new release. It wouldn’t exactly be a good marketing strategy to say, “This match is of mediocre hotness and may entertain you moderately.” The marketing office comes up with cliches like “hottest yet.” It’s consumers like you an me that are really the only ones to be in a position to back up a claim like that, though.

But damn, I must admit, the teaser pics for this match make me think this could be the hottest yet from Thunder’s Arena. This is the power of pics and marketing at work, my friends. I am being moved to fill in the gaps between frozen frames in such a way that I’m aching to see the match that my imagination is writing for me based on the barest of outlines. Ace looks like he’s got something to prove against the gorgeous, meaty challenge of Antonio. The ostensible story is that Ace caught Antonio stealing his truck (really… the Latino guy was caught stealing the white guy’s truck… really?). More than one pic shows Ace rubbing his massive bicep in Antonio’s face, and if we believe what we read (I do, every word), Ace forces Antonio to kiss his bicep. There’s reportedly spanking involved. Beads of sweat can clearly be seen coursing their way down Ace’s forehead. Antonio looks like he’s a big, big boy unaccustomed to getting manhandled, finding himself manhandled. These are all elements of hot wrestling kink. This looks promising (ignoring the potentially racist overtones…).

I fully intend on watching this match when I’ve got the time to take the time to truly appreciate it. In the mean time, I’m just drawn to the obvious. Ace in a zebra print green speedo is inspired. Those huge, round, squeezable glutes of his should never, ever, ever again be wrapped up in bicycle shorts. The sight of his bare thighs wrapped around Antonio’s head should require no further argument. Screw the square cuts and mid-thigh lycra.

And if we’re encouraging what’s working, let’s all raise a cheer for Ace putting those glutes to optimal use by squeezing Antonio’s head often and sitting on the rookie’s face. For anyone, this is humiliating. For someone finding his face crushed beneath the slabs of beef that are Ace’s glutes, though, this has also got to be seriously punishing. It’s also making me crazy to trade places with Antonio. If I could write this script, Ace would also require Antonio to kiss his ass, but I’m not expecting Thunder’s to venture into that territory. Please, please, please, Thunder’s, prove me wrong.

And, frankly, I’m a jonesin’ quite a bit to trade places with Ace, as well. Sweet man alive, Antonio is stunning in still life. The very brief white briefs leave nearly nothing to be imagined. Some major manhandling of a boy this big looks like a muscleboy on muscleboy bonanza. Often, Thunder’s strays too far into fratboy-horsing-around territory to completely satiate me. But if Ace is working out some convincing domination with a need to humiliate, punish, and tame the big rookie, illustrating that he’s the muscle stud not to be fucked with… this very well could qualify for Thunder’s Arena’s hottest yet. I’ll let you know what I think when the still life comes to life.