wrestlebard

Lust Requited!

August 22, 2013 wrestlebard2 Comments

Mr. Joshua knows what you’re looking at.

Regulars here at neverland are aware of a handful of longstanding frustrations I have that I affectionally refer to as my “unrequited lusts.” These are the subjects of relentless and ruthless teases that I’ve been a total sucker for. For example, Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) and his momentous, mountainous, pendulous package. He is forever shoving his hands down the front of his trunks in his matches and readjusting the baggage that’s shifted during flight. He persistently points at the behemoth that strains the stitches holding together his trunks, reminding opponents and fans that there’s a hidden anaconda yet to be unleashed. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m so torqued by the Mr. Joshua package-tease! I’ve pleaded desperately for a rising upswell of popular demand crying out for a Mr. J strip stakes match (or series of matches, however many it takes before an opponent instantly becomes my #1 favorite wrestler by peeling off Mr. J’s dignity and finally, at long, long last unleashing the beast).

Michael C. Hall has gone shirtless, plenty, but…

Another frequent topic of my unrequited love has been more in the realm of my erotic wrestling fantasy material, namely Michael C. Hall’s ass. His character grew on me in Six Feet Under. But as Dexter, the sympathetic serial killer, he has played a starring role in several homoerotic wrestling fantasies of mine, one of which I actually wrote down and shared as part of my collection of celebrity homoerotic wrestling fiction. Not too surprising, Michael managed to come out on top in that match by pinning granite-hardbodied Justin Theroux to the mat via sitting on his face and letting those luscious cheeks make Mr. Anniston forget that he didn’t want to be trapped right there, right then.

Justin Theroux got the honors to wrestle Michael C. Hall in my homoerotic wrestling imagination (lucky son of a bitch!)

However tantalizing Michael’s ass has appeared in butt-hugging trousers in Dexter, though, the actual glutes themselves have never made an appearance. Dexter sex scenes? Sure. Naked boobies everywhere you look? Absolutely. The barest glimpse of Michael’s uncovered, bulbous booty? Not a one. Damn it.

That is, there has been no sighting of those pound-able melons in the flesh until now. After being overseas on vacation, I’ve spent the last week scarfing down the episodes of True Blood and Dexter that I missed while away. I finally caught up with both, and glory be, after so much teasing, so many close-ups on that fantastic (but clothed) bubble butt, long after I’d intellectually given up on ever seeing that ass in the flesh, Michael sated my deep down lust with a long, lingering, full-on sex-scene starring (and I mean STARRING) his g-g-gorgeous ass!!!

When I say this steamy scene stars Michael’s ass, I mean, seriously, there was clearly nothing else on anyone’s mind as they blocked this scene. The woman that Dexter is supposed to be banging is naked and, in her way, for those with that predilection, I’m sure attractive. But there’s no way to put it other than to say that her naked body is completely and entirely upstaged. It’s not just that Michael’s beautiful nakedness is always on top with most of the scene shot from above. His ass literally gets several of it’s own close-ups! I mean, how often does this happen, that the camera zooms in, pans away, and then zooms in again on the guy’s ass in an opposite-sex sex scene!? It’s as if Michael, who you know had been asked a thousand times before to bare it, finally just said, fine, fuck it, film my ass!

Enough of the phenomenological critique. Let me just say that even with all of that build-up and all of that teasing year after year, still, without a doubt I did not leave disappointed. His co-star kept trying to wiggle into the shot, but there was no disguising that those glutes are simply beautiful… powerful, sculpted shelf, fuckable for days.

Michael had a cancer scare that, sounds like, is behind him now. I’m still astonished that he was apparently diagnosed, treated, and in remission all basically within the time constraints of a between-season hiatus. It’s also incredible that despite what was apparently some aggressive treatment, his body is rocking my world every ounce as much today as when Keith first stripped him and threw him into bed in Six Feet Under. I love that he’s at it for one last season as the lovable serial killer, and he is most definitely a fan-pleaser with this fulfillment of so many unspoken promises over the years.

This, of course, fills up my tank of hopefulness again for so many of my unrequited lusts. Maybe, just maybe, there’s still a chance that we’ll see someone unpack Mr. Joshua’s oversized baggage. Perhaps sultry stunner Rio Garza will, indeed, someday shock a cocky opponent with a picture-perfect flying drop-kick to the chin AND peel off his own sweaty trunks and stuff them into his opponent’s stunned mouth. Possibly, just maybe, I may even get that custom DVD I ordered from a wrestling fantasyman going on two years ago. Michael C. Hall let us take a lovingly long, lingering gander at his gluteus maximus… anything is possible!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

August 21, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

My HWOTM pick is very late in arriving here at neverland, primarily because I was traveling for the first 2 weeks of August. That does not mean, however, that I didn’t have time to enjoy the cream of the crop of homoerotic wrestling new releases that came out in July, and to form my opinions about which wrestler worked me the hardest. I settled on one particular wrestler who is almost certainly overdue for the accolades here at neverland, but truth be told, there was another couple of boys who were absolutely chomping on his ass vying for the title. It was a hair’s breadth between them, but I’ll save my lauding of the runner’s up and stick to placing the laurel leaves atop the head of the wrestler who entertained me most in the July new releases…

…Ethan “Axel” Andrews.

Skip Vance has described BG East’s Gazebo Grapplers 15 match featuring Ethan battling it out with Skip’s lover, Christian Taylor, as his favorite match of all time. I can understand why. It’s smoking hot. Both Christian and Ethan are in mouthwatering shape, with Ethan still sporting the bad mohawk that he earned in his Hairstakes match against my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont. The wrestling is intense, punctuated by the grunts and groans that few men can really fake with the type of sincerity you hear in this match. And, well, fuck, I’ve certainly had the odd (i.e., regularly recurring) fantasy of a vicious, barely clad heel beating the shit out of my lover during those moments when my lover is annoying me as only someone who knows me most intimately can.

Christian, a former HWOTM, puts up a highly entertaining performance, working that cold as ice, unflappable focus he has so masterfully. But it’s Ethan that has me laughing, gasping, and unzipping as he weaves an intricate, finely balanced narrative that unfolds like a favorite novella.

Ethan’s mouth runs pretty much continuously, as it does in most everything I’ve seen of his work. He’s got a sharp wit that cuts and slices at the ego strength of the long, tall beauty in front of him. Early on, he brings up Skip in his trash talk offense. And when it comes to Ethan, I mean “offense” quite literally. He makes no bones about his full on intent to offend, insult, crawl up under Christian’s gorgeous skin and fester like a rotting sore. He insults Christian liberally, commenting on the towering beauty’s less than stellar match record. But it’s when he insults Skip that I start to seriously appreciate the sexy-devious mind that has made many a fan before me line up right behind Ethan’s beautiful ass and cheer.

As I say, these boys wrestle with a heated intensity that not for a moment can be mistaken for anything other than homoerotic combat. There’s humor, laced with a strong overtaste of humiliation to keep it spicy. Ethan’s crotch bulges impressively from very early on. The banter and grappling and submissions scored on one another are transparently turning these hot young hunks on (not to mention this hot-not-nearly-as-young hunk on this side of my screen).

Christian is simply not up to the challenge of keeping pace with the intensity and focus of Ethan. There’s something almost “consuming” about the manner in which Ethan’s ripped bod wraps around his struggling opponent so fiercely. I’d say that he enjoys having as much of his body in physical contact with as much of Christian’s body as possible, but then again, there’s no need to say it. Just look at that lovely mountain hanging between his legs, particularly when he’s stripped to a totally impractical and somehow completely believable gear choice: a mesh thong. Ethan slowly reveals his master plan. Dump the twig, he advises Christian. Give lightweight jobber Skip the boot and make room in your bed for the likes of Ethan Andrews. He’s shown up not just to win a wrestling match, but to conquer another man’s lover and take what he’s won body and soul. Ethan is not just a homoerotic wrestling savant. He’s not just a ripped, hunky heel. He’s an unapologetic (hell, he clearly loves this shit) home wrecker!

We knew it. Christian knew it. Obviously Ethan knew it. Before this is all said and done, there was no way in hell that Ethan’s mouth would fail to be planted hungrily across the alluring lips of Christian Taylor. It’s Christian’s MO, I think. Opponent’s sign up for a match because, if they beat him, they can suck face with one of the most handsome hotties on the BG East roster. I imagine he must taste like mojitos… no real reason, just the look of satisfaction on the faces of opponent’s as they peel their lips off of his. Yes, it was destined to happen that, stripped to excellently minuscule thongs, these two would stretch out across one another, crotch grinding into crotch, pec to pec, Christian flat on his back and being owned by the relentless badger on top of him, before Ethan dives in and plants a long, lingering, lip smacking kiss on him. Fuck, I love that climax. It’s the perfect apex to a homoerotic wrestling story arc.

But it’s only after that point that Ethan suddenly grabs me by the balls and demands to be crowned HWOTM. Christian has effectively melted. “Submitted” is a polite term for it, really, because the way his body responds to being owned and tasted by mohawk stud, he’s completely ripe for the picking. Then Ethan smacks him around a little more and peels away. The smirk on his face as he looks at Christian’s prone body is hilarious. Like cruising a gay bar, he gives a I-had-that-fucker sneer toward bagged-and-tagged Christian and says that he’s changed his mind. He doesn’t want to take Skip’s place, after all. Now that he’s proven he can own Christian, Ethan announces that he’s ready to move on to his real prize: Christian’s lover Skip.

Fuck, that is a sweet, sweet story! There’s suspense, humor, rocking hot bodies and highly competitive mat wrestling with a through-story. Hello!? This was clearly so far up my alley that I need to dig my underwear out of my crack! Ethan plays it to perfection, controlling the pace, setting the fantastically erotic tone, toying with Christian’s mind and body and then really lowering the shocking boom by leaving the stud gaping open-mouthed as Ethan heads off to hunt down Christian’s bon-bon lover. Game, set, match! I’m still laughing; I’m still hard. Ethan Andrews is undeniably my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month. Nicely played, Ethan.

Route 69

August 18, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

Getting back into the swing of things, I’ve uploaded a new installment in the Route 69 homoerotic wrestling fiction series by the fantastic author Alex. Alex has quickly built a massive following of rabid fans who can be a little relentless when I’m slow to format and upload Alex’ newest material. He deserves those fans, because his writing and his vision for scorchingly hot homoerotic wrestling fiction is epic in scope and quality.

Ben stars in the homoerotic wrestling fiction series, “Route 69”

The story I’ve just uploaded this afternoon is a prime example of what grabs readers by the cock and strokes them into such a frenzy about Alex’ writing. One of the stars of Route 69, Ben, is back at it, trying to decide if he’s bitten off more than he can chew and, alternately, whether he wishes he had or hadn’t.

This is Toby, the scrawny, relatively plain-looking element to an insanely hot brother duo that Ben “encounters” in Route 69: El Paso, TX.

I don’t need to sell regular readers, but if you haven’t read any of Alex’ work, remedy that oversight instantly by checking it out at the Sidelineland homoerotic wrestling fiction catalog. You’ll need to sign up for a membership if you haven’t already, but don’t let that scare you off. If you’re not a raging ‘phobe, you’ll get into the group just fine. I’d encourage you to “enjoy,” but seriously, just sign up and the enjoyment will need no further encouragement.

Back Again

August 13, 2013 wrestlebard5 Comments

bradenback — Chace LaChance is mesmerized by the feel of Braden’s Charron awesomely muscled back in BG East’s Summer Sizzler bonus match.

Those who connected with me on FB are aware that I’ve been traveling “abroad” for the past couple of weeks, which accounts for my complete absence from posting new material here at neverland. My time away was excellent, full of both rest and rejuvenation, but I have to admit, I missed home. Good news is, however, that I’m back!

kevinback — Kevin Crowes illustrated back is a stunning work of art, and his erotic wrestling certainly stunned wrestling pornboy veteran Rusty Stevens in Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4

I have some match reviews to post in the next couple of weeks, along with a final installment of my virtual pilgrimage to BG East’s south campus, and there will be, as always, more random thoughts and musings that are the meat the potatoes of neverland.

bigsexyback — That’s one incredibly big, sexy back in Thunder’s Arena’s Bearhug Challenge 9.

Those into homoerotic wrestling fiction can also look forward to some more stories from Alex at our sidelineland site, as well as a new feature from me there that was a special request from a smokin’ hot wrestler and friend of this blog. So much wrestling eroticism to talk about, pick apart, put back together and, as always, being ecstatically inspired by!

landonback — Oiled, exhausted, incredibly beautiful backs wait for the final score in Naked Kombat’s June 19th battle between Landon Conrad and Alex Adams.

Damn, it’s good to be back.

devback — Dev Michael’s gladiator back bulges beautifully as he breaks apart Austin Cooper piece by piece in BG East’s Hunkbash 14.

Virtual Pilgrimage – Part 2

July 31, 2013 wrestlebard5 Comments

Setting up a new home can be both a pain in the ass and a labor of love. I spent way too much time tinkering with the look of sidelineland.com before going live last week. Even then, I knew it wasn’t quite right. But I keep telling myself that everything changes, so I can (and most definitely will) keep tinkering, adjusting, redecorating and reformatting as I settle into these new digs. Kid Leopard sent along a some housewarming gifts for me a few days ago documenting his own experience of building a new home for BG East’s south campus in Florida, completed just a few months ago. I posted a few of those photos a couple of days ago, but there’s more. I’m pacing myself (and you) because this gallery is shockingly hot and enticing to pour over!

A few days ago I posted the before-and-after shots of the new matroom, from blank canvas transformed into homoerotic wrestling context. There was a preview of X-Fights 35 in that batch, starring rising star Lorenzo Lowe and hunky ginger rookie Steve Ponce, as well as a pair of wrestlers who we can’t quite see their faces, but holy hell I’d bet my retirement fund that I recognize that ass in blue! Today, I’m sharing some of the before and after shots of making an open warehouse storage space into the setting for what will be, I guarantee you, some of my favorite homoerotic wrestling fare.

Lorenzo, Jonny and Ray build the ring frame

Constructing the new ring room at the south campus was completed by some of the hottest on camera talent that BG East currently offers. I hope there was at least one in the bunch that is, in his day job, a carpenter (or had supervision), because the BG East ring inevitably takes quite a beating.

Talk about taking a beating! Dev Michaels crushes an opponent in a pool of sweat and tears

And just to demonstrate some of the beating that the ring has already taken, The Boss sent along some incredibly generous preview pics of matches not yet released. You may not know this, but the BG East boys guard their trade secrets (and particularly their unreleased catalog of homoerotic wrestling treasure) with an icy cold seriousness. I once talked a wrestler into smuggling out some candid, behind the scenes shots of a BG East taping, and holy fuck, heads rolled! So getting a glimpse of stunning beauty like this not yet for sale at BG East is quite a treat for you and me!

Kid Karisma pries apart a hot looking rookie.

Some of the wrestlers baptizing the new ring with their copious sweat I don’t recognize; some of them I do. All of them, however, I want to get to know a lot better! Less than a handful of action shots starring the likes of long-time friend of this blog, Kid Karisma and massive muscleman I’d love to cozy up to, Dev Michaels, and I’m already sweating bullets and having to adjust myself.

Kid Karisma shows the rook the new ropes

All good storytelling, as far as I’m concerned, has compelling character development and an engaging plot, but an oft-overlooked aspect of good writing that can (and frequently does) absolutely kill a story is how well it’s set. I’m one of those readers who enjoy paragraphs of description that transport me inside the scene. When I write homoerotic wrestling fiction, I typically edit out pages and pages of background and ancillary detail in order to maintain the focus and pacing, but I always, always, always start writing by writing context. BG East has once again constructed a compelling context, harkening to classic pro wrestling with a dash of for-gay-eyes-only intimacy. The muted color palette is apt background for the stunning beauty of the bodies and action inside the ring, but there’s nothing unimportant about a carefully painted background. As with everything, I sense that BG East has sweated long and hard over the details that we are expected to take for granted, like lighting, like textures and sound quality. It’s the boys body slamming and pouring sweat over one another that hold our attention, of course, but there’s a world that’s been painted around them that is an essential element to the well told homoerotic wrestling story. Once again, BG East does it right.

The new ring is packed full of classic and newbie hunks

The boys at BG East, both in front of the camera and behind it, deserve a boatload of respect for the days and days that they invest for every minute of homoerotic wrestling entertainment that they produce. Athletes, wrestlers, hunks, beautiful men, everyone of them, with awesome gifts for engaging all the senses in producing provocative, inspiring, and undeniably hot homoerotic wrestling. Thanks for what you do, and for letting us get just a glimpse of what we don’t see on camera.

Virtual Pilgrimage

July 26, 2013 wrestlebard2 Comments

It turns out that neverland isn’t the only spot that’s staked out new digs. None other than BG East’s Boss sent me an incredibly sweet housewarming present for neverland, in the form of several photos of BG East’s new south campus facilities. We’ve seen some glimpses of the new setting, including Gold Shaft’s erotic initiation of babyface angel Lauden Sevior in Sunshine Shooters 6. The Boss told me that in the handful of months it’s been in operation, their new Florida digs have been the setting for more than 30 matches taped already, not to mention hosting visiting wrestlers overnight and providing the background for whatever off camera calisthenics they get up to. While I’m still hanging the pictures on the walls here at sidelineland.com, I can identify with what is obviously a bit of excitement on the part of the BG East boys about setting up their new facilities, placing things where they should go, crafting a blank canvas into the ideal context for supercharged homoerotic wrestling to happen.

Reiterating BG East’s long-standing mantra of being a wrestling company run by wrestlers, we can see in this first batch of photos of the initial set-up of the new facilities that it’s the boys on camera making what’s off camera work. I’ve frequently remarked on certain homoerotic wrestlers whose bodies are built in such a way that there’s simply no better application of their beautiful brawn than to rip off their clothes and throw them into a wrestling ring. From these shots, clearly the second most perfect application of all that beautiful brawn is serving as stage crew.

If you like what you see and are interested in renting the new second holiest site in the world of BG East, you very well may be in luck. Between BG East tapings, these facilities are available for private rental. Can you imagine inviting a group of your closest hardbodied wrestling-and-fuck-buddies to Florida for an overnight orgy of homoerotic wrestling with the sights, smells, and psychic imprint of BG East’s gorgeous stars surrounding you? I can! The facilities include a kitchen, a massage room, a shower and 2 baths, as well. To see about reserving the space for your (or my) birthday blowout, drop an email to the BGE boy in charge of the south campus: ziowrestler@yahoo.com. Tell them Bard sent you, in case I get a commission (I won’t).

Lorenzo Lowe and Ray Naylor put hot wrestling muscles to their second-best use.

Jonny Firestorm is pumped with excitement for BG East’s new Florida facilities

Did The Boss open a new facility primarily for the wall space it provides for his huge collection of wrestling art?

Massage room set up to pound out the aches and pains from hard, hot wrestling action

Is Jonny Firestorm there to give or get a massage? Either way, count me in!

The new matroom when it was a blank canvas

Screen Shot 2013-07-25 at 6.05.15 PM — The new matroom getting broken in with the sweat and tears (and other bodily fluids) of BG East’s gorgeous wrestlers (yet-to-be-released action)

Jake v Steven. — Speaking of fluids, Lorenzo Lowe and ginger rookie hunk Steve Ponce made excellent use of the new matroom in the extremely-soon-to-be-released X-Fights 35

Here’s Looking at You

July 24, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

My recent interview with Muscle Master Kevin, resident boss at Muscle Domination Wrestling, sparked precisely the conversation and contention I expected it would. MDW is the newest kid on the homoerotic wrestling block, and in carving out their unique niche in the market, they’ve straddled some lines that leave many titillated, some provoked, and at least a few uncomfortable. I have to say that I found Kevin remarkably thoughtful and well-spoken, embracing a non-defensive posture even while addressing concerns that MDW’s domination/submission focused products may appeal to the internalized homophobia some of their gay audience. Agree with him or not about the quality and meaning of the content, Kevin’s motto is clearly centered on giving fans what they want. I really hadn’t been exposed to much of the more “controversial” content at MDW, so Kevin sent along both a primarily wrestling-focused match and a primarily sub/dom themed squash for me to sample. Here’s my take on MDW’s sub-dom demonstration, Glove Fetish Beatdown.

mmk6 — Muscle Master Kevin is not here to “instruct.”

I had to look up the name of Kevin’s opponent from the website, because he’s called a lot of things in these 23 minutes, but never his actual name. The lean, boldly tatted kid is called Hunter James, which seems like a much bolder name than befits a deer-in-the-headlights like he is in this squash. When I say squash, I mean that this is 100% Kevin. Hunter has zero offense. His contribution to this scene is almost entirely limited to his screams, wails, and anguished cries of pain. He apparently thinks he’s here to get some instruction in full contact combat, donning nothing but sparring gloves and mid-thigh undergear. His mere suggestion that Muscle Master Kevin might be his “instructor” sends the boss over the edge, initiating non-stop brutality that grinds Hunter physically and, especially, psychologically into the mat. Within seconds, Kevin has beaten the air out of his lungs and driven the kid to the edge of panic and despair. As Kevin promises, this is going to be a long night for young Hunter James.

mmk4 — Total domination and the display of hot asses!

There are some sweet highlights of moves and holds that stroke the wrestling kink fanatic in me just fine. There’s a moment when Kevin has Hunter’s noggin trapped high and tight between his thighs. Kevin rolls him over and repeatedly lifts his hips, and then drives his opponent’s forehead into the mat. Fuck, I love that move. The total humiliation and ownership is incredibly tasty. Kev’s hot ass rises and falls over and over, stoking me harder and harder. Hunter’s face plows repeatedly into the mat. He’s got nothing as he’s pounded into a limp, dizzy mess. Kevin finally rises on his knees, Hunter’s head still trapped between them, and flexes his biceps, showing off his gorgeous V and powerful shoulders. Yes, I get way into that maneuver whenever I see it, and Kevin works it beautifully.

mmk3 — Kevin’s got him right where he wants him.

The dicier moments for political correctness come no sooner than about halfway through the scenario. Kevin has been unloading a steady barrage of soul-withering trash talk the entire time, battering to pieces Hunter’s ego-strength and demonstrating with words and actions that he’s a mealy worm next to the power and domination of Muscle Master Kevin. Misogynistic themes that, let’s face it, run throughout homoerotic wrestling are peppered liberally throughout, as Kevin berates his opponent as a bitch and a pussy. Then when he’s crushing Hunter’s windpipe with a nasty choke, the kid coughs and gasps, inspiring Kevin to mutter, “Listen to you sputtering like a fucking fountain!” The apt metaphor makes me chuckle a bit. Then, suddenly, Kevin unleashes a veritable litany of boundary bashing provocations. “A pussy. A bitch. A twink! A faggot! A grunt!! You’re a jobber, that’s what you are!” The term “fairy” pops up a few minutes later. The terms pussy, faggot, and fairy are the ones that pretty much pull me out of the moment, but as I’ve said before, the strictly sub-dom genre, which can definitely include gay men totally into that type of verbal assault, isn’t my thing.

mmk5 — Muscle Master Kevin flexes and purses.

I do, however, enjoy a fine looking man, and when the cool wave of discomfort washes away, I return my attention to appreciating the real star of the show, Muscle Master Kevin’s gorgeous muscles and beautiful face. Fuck, the stud has HUGE traps! Hot wrestling does exactly what this squash manages to do, and that is display stunning bodies beautifully as they work the magic of wrestling. As Kevin flatly proclaimed, he’s got simply perfect nips and veiny bis that are hard to take your eyes off of. How a babyface beauty this pretty built his own empire as a dominating heel is a bit of a mystery to me. He likes to purse his lips and stare straight into the camera, which does nothing but remind me over and over that the man has a boyish handsomeness that’s simply remarkable. I’d so love to see him show up on some other Boston-based production’s doorstep as Clark Kent, a mild mannered, self-contained studpuppy who fights a good game but gets his beautiful ass handed to him repeatedly by dirty, no good heels. Having chatted with Muscle Master Kevin, however, I put the chances of that happening at somewhere around 1,000 to 1.

mmk2 — Muscle Master Kevin is destroying Hunter James, but he’s looking at you.

What Kevin does best, besides look dazzlingly beautiful, is convey with perfect clarity his full attention on his audience. It’s not like he needs to give Hunter too much attention. Stick a fork in him at about the 2 minute mark, because he’s already done way back then. But this squash, and let’s face it, the career of Muscle Master Kevin, is about what’s going on between him and you. He stares into the camera frequently, even as he lays down more humiliating banter expressly directed at Hunter, successfully welcoming you into the heart of this altercation. And here’s where I think Kevin dangerously straddles a fence that I actually suspect he may not even be aware of. Sub-dom fanatics, I’d bet money, are captured in Kevin’s gaze and hear his humiliating taunts and own them entirely. He may be crushing and gloating over Hunter James, but I’m sure there are MMK fans who feel it deeply as Kevin crushing and gloating over them. To those who want to be dominated, owned, and made a muscle stud’s “bitchboy” (as Kevin explains he’s doing to Hunter), Kevin’s fixed stare into the camera delivers exactly that. But then again, there are many of us into homoerotic wrestling that actually love the busting through the 4th wall as a nod to the voyeur-class among us. Kev’s sly grin at the camera makes me smile, as if the rock hard gladiator is dedicating his performance to nobody else but me. He’s expressly giving me what I want, which is not to be called a faggot fairy, but to watch a gorgeously muscled man crush and claim an outmatched opponent. Kevin turns his attention from the camera slowly, gazing at his peaked bicep, as if appealing to me to feast upon the pristine beauty of a muscle hunk having bested a once hopeful challenger. Is he dedicating this masterful demonstration to me, his lustful home viewer, or is he promising the same treatment to the twink bitchboys watching at home? Clearly, this is art teetering on a stark contrast between these two possible interpretations.

So fair warning: if you’re turned off by explicitly homophobic language (which is the only way I can describe the use of terms like “fairy” and “faggot” here), or misogynistic insults (“pussy,” “bitch”… which frankly I intellectually don’t care for, but somehow never seem to mind in fact) then Glove Fetish Beatdown is not your kink. There are some sweet pro wrestling moves, and an overwhelming squash can definitely work for many of us, however. Hell, if you’re just curious to see what Muscle Master Kevin’s physique looks like when applied to corporal punishment of a ridiculously outmatched opponent, this is a feast for your eyes. It doesn’t stroke the kink I harbor for the drama of erotic combat, because Hunter is almost instantly little more than a prop to demonstrate Kevin’s power and domination. I know for a fact that there’s plenty here for many neverland readers to enjoy, and some here that many neverland readers won’t care for. But I believe Muscle Master Kevin’s sincerity when he says that he strives to give his fans what they’re asking, begging, pleading for. So get your asses over to MDW and send Kevin your sincerest desire for what you want to see, and if it happens to be a bespectacled handsome face like his falling prey to dirty tricks and erotic domination at the hands of a brutish heel, let Kevin know that Bard sent you!

New Digs

July 23, 2013 wrestlebard7 Comments

Welcome to neverland’s new address! I recommend that regular readers bookmark this page for future reference, since I will no longer be updating the old site at blogger. Happily, I’ve been able to transfer all the old posts as well as reader comments into this new format. For your convenience and to just clarify any issues of monetization and undue influence, there will continue to be no ads here at neverland other than the unsolicited publicity I offer through my discussions of homoerotic wrestling products that I enjoy. Check out the About page for reference to photo copyright owners who have generously given me permission to repost their images here. You can also find an updated Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month Hall of Fame, and I’ve made some major administrative decisions regarding my running favorite homoerotic wrestler titles – namely, I’m collapsing the two categories of favorites (pornboys and non-pornboys), and once again forcing them all to battle it out in one big pool of sweat and tears for my lust and adoration. The Favorites page gives a more detailed explanation of how I came to this decision and where I drew the lines, but for those with a casual interest, suffice it to say that the inaugural unified title holder as my favorite homoerotic wrestler running is long-time infatuation of mine, wrestler-turned-bodybuilder-turned-wrestler Lon Dumont.

*BG East’s Lon Dumont is my favorite homoerotic wrestler unified title holder.*

I hope to get this new incarnation of neverland back to some of my roots, including intentionally blurring the lines between homoerotic wrestling fantasy and pop culture, celebrating beautiful bodies that do (or should) populate the homoerotic wrestling scene, and naming the names of the men, matches and maneuvers that dial my wrestling kink sensibilities up to 11.

In that vein, here are some fantasy match-ups I’ve chosen for which hot Hollywood hunk currently making news should climb into the wrestling ring, and which current homoerotic wrestling hardbody should be there to greet him.

*Model-turned-actor-turned-superhero 6’1″ Henry Cavill*
vs
*Model-turned-softcore-pornboy-turned-homoerotic-wrestler 5’10” Zack Johnathan (Z-Man)*

First up on my plate is cleft chinned fashion model Henry Cavill, who’s come a long, long way to be all-American (albeit, space alien) superhero Superman in this Spring’s blockbuster. This photo is of a leaner Henry from Immortals, sporting a physique that speaks to me even louder than his hairy chested behemoth muscleman incarnation in Superman. Talk about a star on the rise, Henry seems to be making tongues wag and mouths drool uncontrollably lately. He’s starred in several pieces of homoerotic wrestling fiction I’ve penned, and I think the perfect homoerotic wrestling veteran to test the newly minted man of steel would be equally devastatingly handsome beauty, Z-Man. I picture the blinding beauty of both of these boys inspiring them to higher and higher heights of savagery and lust for domination. Lovely Henry would have a lot to learn, and I think two-thirds of this match would involve Z-Man demonstrating all of the cruel tools of the trade he’s suffered for so many years at the hands of his opponents. However, I think Henry would be a quick study, sucking the air out of Z-Man’s lungs with an unexpectedly aggressive crotch claw, scoring the decisive knockout victory, and then working over the slowly rousing Z-Man’s luscious pecs with his tongue.

*Rower-turned-jokester-turned-tv-hearthrob 6’4″ Joel McHale*
vs
*Muscle-teen-turned-bondage-dominator-turned-wrestler 5’10” Muscle Master Kevin*

Joel McHale not only graduated from an institution that I did, he also grabbed a whole lot of attention when he disrobed for the first time on his network television show Community, instantly earning him a spot in the crowded field of funny men hunks I lust after. While I don’t follow Community faithfully, it’s a sentimental favorite of mine for no other reason than Joel’s mouthwatering pecs. I think this giant funny man could have no better greeter when he enters a wrestling ring than ice-cold and entirely humorless Muscle Master Kevin, boss-in-chief and stunningly pectacular CEO of Muscle Domination Wrestling. No shit, the initial stare down would be between Master Muscle Kevin’s baby blues and Joel’s mouthwatering nipples (because you know Kevin wouldn’t deign to look up). The muscle master very well might bite off more than he can chew in ripped comedian Joel, who I think harbors the deep cynicism of a serious heel-rising. But I have to think even with the size disadvantage, Master Muscle Kevin would slowly beat the tallboy down to size, humiliate him, terrify him, and teach him crucial lessons Joel would need to learn to own the ring as the heel he harbors deep inside.

*Hero-turned-villain-turned-hero-hottie 5’10” Sendhil Ramamurthy*
vs
*Pornboy-brute-beefcake 6’0″ Marcus Ruhl*

Discovering that Sendhil Ramamurthy was back on television and shirtless stoked some sizzling hot embers he first lit when I fell in lust with him on Heroes. He appeared in a couple of fictional wrestling matches I wrote, but the height of homoerotic wrestling fantasy would be to see him climb into the ring and discover beefy pornboy kombatant Marcus Ruhl staring down at him. There’s no way that the tidal wave plowing into him would leave sensational Sendhil anything other than flat on his back with knees in the air, but I think he’d make the pornboy work hard for it. One way or another, however, there’s a pony ride in Sendhil’s future appearances in my imagination (with Sendhil as the pony, of course).

*Roman-god-turned-naked-werewolf 6’5″ Joe Manganiello*
vs
*Twink-turned-terminator 5’9″ Chace LaChance*

Finally, Joe Manganiello is never far from my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. He’s a recurring character in my fiction, and even more frequently appears to me in my fondest dreams. There may have never been a Hollywood actor more perfectly suited to be a homoerotic wrestling god than mountainous muscleman Joe. In fact, I struggle to imagine who could manage to initiate the mighty beast sufficiently. Having admired the beastly transformation of Chace LaChance from tweezed go-go-boy to brutishly massive muscleman, however, I’m picturing Chace to be the one to give rookie Joe a boot to the face as the Hollywood stunner tries to stride up to the ring apron for the first time. Chace has taken some severe beatings, and I have to imagine Joe would match him muscle for muscle, and then some. But my fantasies could picture no other outcome than big, beautiful Joe flat on his back with Chace’s muscle butt planted across his face as the Hollywood heartthrob taps frantically his final submission before Chace strips him naked (like we haven’t seen that before) and rides his glorious ass (okay, that would be new) as picture perfect Joe hangs onto the ropes and moans.

So leave me a housewarming present here at neverland 2.0 by sharing in the comments below your Hollywood-turns-homoerotic-wrestling fantasy match-up. And welcome!

All Things New Again

July 18, 2013July 23, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Smell that? There’s something new in the air. Take a whiff, and you can catch something on the wind. It smells like change to me. Watch for a big announcement here at neverland in the next couple of days, because there’s something fresh blowing in, and it smells like that sort of change that’s mostly good. Very good. In the mean time, let me just share my periodic celebration of newness in homoerotic wrestling: namely, the lovely, promising, world’s-their-oyster rookies who’ve hit the scene in recent months and reminded me what a breath of fresh air that a new face can sometime be…

New Beef: BG East’s Alain LeClair

New Serbian Stunner: BG East’s Arn Nedic

New Boyband Beauty: BG East’s Deni Dupuis

New Ring Pornboy: Can-Am’s Kevin Crowes

New Teen Phenom: Rock Hard Wrestling’s Kyle Carter

New Law: Naked Kombat’s Landon Conrad

New Ruhl: Naked Kombat’s Marcus Ruhl

New Boxer-Crossover: Thunder’s Arena’s Mr. Sean

New Hope: BG East’s Ronny Pearl

New Blue-Eyed Bully: BG East’s Vic Madone

Clint Morgan 2 [Guest Blogger: Alex]

July 15, 2013July 15, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

So in my first Clint Morgan post, I said I pulled out two matches. The second one was Clint Morgan vs. BBW from BG’s Champions.

Unlike the other match I pulled, this is a more standard three falls affair, set in a ring. Morgan stretches out, waiting for his opponent. He definitely looks good to me, but also “of the time.” BBW already has all the swagger and attitude that makes him an icon. He brings handcuffs and his valet (that he won in a prior match), both of which come into play. Morgan gets no respect from BBW, other than a nod to his size. Once again, there’s a lot of back-and-forth, with the men splitting the first two falls. Unlike the match against Rogers, where I can point to the set-up and ending as unique in my collection, I can’t really say why I like this so much. Maybe it’s nostalgia. This match was old when I got it, but it was still one of my first. Action-wise, it’s pretty comparable to stuff today, with the same sort of holds and banter. Would it be worth seeking out? Not sure, but watching it again recently gave me the same reaction as watching it many years ago.

Morgan doing his best Incredible Hulk impression

BBW let’s us know who’s in charge

Now this is how it’s done, kids

BBW doesn’t seem to respect the big stud

Maybe he should, though

Ah, somebody needs a hug!

One good rack…

…deserves another

BBW shows off, keeping the big stud up there like he weighs nothing

Wait, shouldn’t BBW be using the hold from Boston?

Wearing white doesn’t make you a good guy

Ah, gotta love that mullet

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