Filed under, “Well, I wasn’t quite expecting THAT!,” you can find BG East’s newest full throttle erotic release X-Fights 40. Even if you’re a casual reader of neverland, you can probably guess that 4 times out of 5, if I’m surprised, I’m happy. That is definitely the case when it comes to the twists, turns, and twistedness of adorable 2015 jobber of the year Ty Alexander getting his hands all over beefy, beautiful muscledaddy, making his debut, Beauxregard.
Beauxregard – 6′, 210 lbs
Since this is an X-Fight, I was fully prepared for naked wrestling with a heaping helping of erotic content. A little more surprising to me was the sensational presence and performance of bulging rookie Beauxregard. And still more surprising and delightful was watching babyface booty boy Ty Alexander opening up a can of unabashed whoop ass on his new muscledaddy plaything.
Ty shocks and awes was a cracking slap on Beaux’s beautiful butt!
Not that I’m shocked that Ty has it in him. I remarked the very first time I saw him in action on a particularly confident and accomplished ring sequence in which he knocks all 6’3″ of Kayden Keller on his ass with crotch-twitching authority early on. We saw him clench his jaw and go postal in spurts all over Drake Marcos. I thought he’d seriously lost his shit and was about to toss his claim at the title of jobber supreme when he let loose on Mad Mykel. But sooner or later, seemingly inevitably, Ty ends up flat on his back with someone’s big, pulsing cock hovering just overtop him. It’s not that Ty can, quite convincingly kick ass that surprises me, so much as it is that he can honest to the wrestling gods seriously put the punishment on someone as fucking huge and hard as beefy Beauxregard.
Big Beaux’s bulging pecs seem to inspire the Trophy Boy.
The erotic tension is dripping off of the both of them from the moment Ty climbs in the ring and can’t tear his eyes away from his opponent’s muscles. When the rookie muscledaddy engages him in typical pre-match banter (Can’t believe you had the balls to show up… that sort of thing), Ty cuts straight to the chase. “How could I not!?” he asks, licking lips and pinching the muscle hunk’s nipples.
“I mean, look at you!”
Personally, I love the unexpected irony of a middleweight babyface jobber taking the bull by the bulging horn and riding him like a rodeo cowboy. When Ty suddenly lands a cracking slap across the granite jawline of Beauxregard, there’s a little comic relief in the form of the look of shock that quickly washes across one of their face’s (and it’s not Beaux’s). Ty beats a hasty retreat out of the ring, with the muscledaddy rookie in hot pursuit. Ty dives back inside the ring, but as Beauxregard steps halfway through the ropes to follow, Ty attacks. He doesn’t just attack, he beats him down. He doesn’t just beat him down, he stomps him into an impotent pool of deliciously useless muscles.
Beaux’ hot muscles hit the deck hard.
So the drama that quickly develops is not the plot I’d expected. Ty is on him and riding that muscle ass with a sadistic glee. He’s relentless, stomping and punching, dropping knees and elbows in a furious hail of seasoned focus. He’s got muscledaddy down, and he keeps him there a good long time. When he strips the big man of his trunks and starts showing a whole lot of (understandably) lustful attention to that glorious, rock hard ass and sensationally thick legs, I’m thinking to myself, “Oh, shit! Ty is just about to score the biggest upset of the year and not just heel-turn, but tap the ass of this muscledaddy bruiser, Beaux!”
Trophy Boy about to tag a rock hard muscled ass!?
Alas, that’s not quite the way the drama unfolds. But these compelling wrestlers take me there, right up to that point of suspense, to that value added, heart racing moment of pondering the possibility of a jobber not just punching way above his weight, but silencing all the sneering, condescending, withering trash talk he’s endured for a couple of years running as nothing but a narcissist jobber with an over-inflated estimation of his own fashion sense. If Ty had tied big Beauxregard in the ropes, spanked those granite glutes raw and then fucked him into a weeping pool of utter humiliation and tears, if Ty had truly tagged this beast and made this growling, rumbling baritone into his fantastically intimidating, totally obedient Rottweiler, I’d have declared the Trophy Boy king of the world, homoerotic wrestler of the decade, and in full possession of my cock.
Both wrestlers are excited for what comes next.
The real story is a lot more complex. Beauxregard sells getting trampled like a seasoned pro, but he doesn’t stay down. The more explicitly Ty telegraph’s his eagerness to become the little jobber who could, the more Beaux gets the message loud and clear that his fabulous granite glutes will get owned should he lose, the more the muscledaddy rookie roars back into contention. For an X-Fight, this is deliciously competitive, and I’m loving the grit and gristle that Ty manages to pull out of the hot bodied rookie. He irritates and provokes the big man. He taunts him and distinctly puts in jeopardy the massive ego matching Beauxregard’s huge muscles. So when the muscledaddy newbie steps up his game to stay in this fight, there’s a rage and lust for domination that glistens seductively from Beaux’s bulging body.
Beauxregard gets his hands all over the trophy.
In the lexicon of pro wrestling, particularly erotic pro, there’s an oft told tale of the young, beautiful, untested boy throwing everything he’s got at a big baddy and getting the his ego smacked hard into it’s rightful place. So familiar is the tale that it really has to be told well to keep it fresh and compelling. Ty and Beaux compel me here, and the more furiously the big man bears down and zeroes in on Ty’s beautiful ass and fully aroused cock, the more compelling all of the hot erotic tension boils over into a full-monty X-fight.
Sexiest tree-of-woe of 2016!? Quite possibly…
In case you haven’t seen it and are curious, Beaux’s cock cannot be contained in the tiny pouch of his g-string. And for the record, that lunchbox could feed thousands. Watching his body react to the fading hopes of the randy punk at his feet is sensationally sexy. Beaux’s eyes soak in Ty’s destruction, and everything from the set of his shoulders and thrust of his hips to his pulsing, heavily bouncing erection, convey the heart and soul of an X-fight. Ty wants him. He wants Ty. He takes possession of his prey in the ring and requires the Trophy Boy to pound one out, and then drags the cutie from the ring to stick his newly won trophy on the mantle.
That ass belongs to Beaux.
An X-fight debut is a tall order, as far as I’m concerned, so it’s no small feat that Beauxregard wins not only Ty’s sweet ass, but my hearty approval as an instant fan. I hope we see much more of those fantastic muscles and hear much more of that ball grabbing, rumbling bass. And as for the Trophy Boy, one of these days, perhaps despite his reluctant pride in being top jobber, I think Ty may very well once and for all shock the fuck out of everyone and ride some lucky, hot opponent all the way to victory. If X-Fight 40 is any indication, I think the bigger, harder, and hotter his opponent, the more likely Ty is to finally turn that corner.
A few months ago, I sent an email to Bard asking if perhaps he would like to be interviewed for his website. To see if we could get a deeper glimpse into the man who has provided us with such great blogging material since 2009. A way for him to express himself in an entirely new way – where perhaps he is not totally in control. An innocuous request, which I thought might pique Bard’s interest. It did. – AH.
AH: You have been blogging since 2009, and you’re still going strong. Congratulations! What do you think has been the secret to your success and longevity?
Bard: Thanks, AH. My focus and productivity with Neverland has waxed and waned in the nearly 6 years I’ve been blogging. I think the biggest factor in my longevity is that this is a labor of love. Homoerotic wrestling is honestly something I enjoy immensely. I’m thinking about and talking about it a lot, so putting some of those thoughts into print for the blog doesn’t feel exactly like work. I also think that I’ve kept churning out posts by switching things up every so often. From my “what turned me gay” series to “name that ass” games and wrestler interviews, I’ve tried to keep things fresh and fun for me. Hopefully that comes across to readers, and hopefully it’s fun for them, as well.
AH: You keeping your blog fresh and fun definitely comes across to me, and I hope to all your other readers as well. I have especially enjoyed when you have had polls included in your posts. Do you have a favorite recurring post that you’ve enjoyed the most?
Bard: I’m glad it’s stayed fresh for readers. Particularly early on, I really didn’t know who my audience was, and even still, I’m not always sure how my stuff is received. So it’s nice to hear when it’s clicking for folks. One of the series that I think I enjoyed more than anyone else did was the “Guess that…” games. It started with “Guess that Ass,” but there were also some “Guess that Tat” and “Guess that Cock” episodes. I love puzzles, so putting those together was probably way more fun for me than for readers. I think my other favorite recurring series was the “What Turned Me Gay” sequence I did in the first couple of years of blogging. It was autobiographical and an honest examination of what I’ve found erotic over the years, with a heavy hit of social commentary and sarcasm. If I had to sum up my blog in one sentence,that would probably be the sentence.
AH: When you are watching a match that you plan on reviewing, what is the process that you go through?
Bard: Well, first of all, I grab the lube. But, that’s probably not what you meant. I sit down with my iPad in front of me and push play. I typically watch for purely descriptive stuff to start with. What are they wearing? What’s the setting? Then I spend some time listening closely. Regular readers know what a sucker I am for compelling dialogue in the ring, so I listen for the story that the wrestlers tell when they first encounter each other. Are they appreciating each other’s physiques? Are they trash talking? How do they make sense of this familiar moment when two ripped hunks climb into a ring and throw everything they’ve got at beating and dominating one another? What’s in it for them: ego strokes, erotic attraction, an honest lust for competition? I try to take notes on the the highlights of the action, particularly the parts that impress or surprise me. But, sooner or later, inevitably, I put the iPad down and pull out that lube. It’s an extremely rare homoerotic wrestling match that doesn’t make me need to get off if I spend enough time watching it.
AH: I think I need to be invited to a viewing party at Bard’s house! I’ll bring the lube! I tend to look over pictures and see if there are moves that grab my attention. Gear is definitely a big plus in my book, too. I go back and forth on the dialogue; sometimes I think it enhances a match, sometimes I think it hinders it. Is there one type of match that is your “default” for watching, or does it depend on the mood? Seems like you’re big into the muscle worshiping and eroticism of matches more than the moves/wrestlers themselves
Bard: Fascinating that your impression is that I’m less into the moves and wrestlers and more into eroticism! I wouldn’t necessarily have said that. For example, I’m like a dog with a bone when it comes to an OTK backbreaker, or to a hot wrestler getting trapped in the ropes. A flying dropkick, relatively rare in homoerotic wrestling circles, is a sensational turn on for me. My moods swing me toward ring matches more often that mat matches, so the ring would probably be a “default” setting for me. My moods also tilt me toward matches with some back and forth momentum and at least a pretense of competitiveness about it. So, while I occasionally get a hankering for a sweet, crushing, humiliating squash, a competitive match would be my default setting for what I’m typically looking for. All that said, I get bored pretty fast on a complete diet of relatively straightforward, G-rated wrestling with no explicit and very little implicit erotic content. I can tune into mainstream pro for that. So even if it doesn’t have nudity or making out or fuck stakes involved, I’m very partial to wrestling that gives at least a nod to the homoerotic sensibilities of our audience.
AH: Perhaps my impression was on purpose, Bard….to get a rise out of you! You’ll never know! My go-to move for any match is any variation on the sleeper. Pass the lube if that occurs. You mentioned mainstream pro wrestling; to the best of my knowledge, you’ve never mentioned any pro wrestlers/pro wrestling on your blog. Is that again because of your audience, or is it because like you say in the about me portion of your blog, “devoted to contemplating in excruciating detail the world of homoerotic wrestling”?
Billy Jack Haynes was one of my earliest pro wrestling infatuations.
Bard: You provocateur! I heartily approve. Early on in my blogging I talked about my complicated relationship with mainstream pro wrestling. I’ve posted about my major, youthful crush on muscle hunk Billy Jack Haynes in my “What Turned Me Gay” series. And I think I have some early posts about the classic vintage Brit pro Keith Hawarth. And, hell, the banner for Neverland is the fantasyman himself, Tommy Zenk. But I grew disenchanted with watching contemporary mainstream pro over a decade ago when it kept striking me as blatantly homophobic. Throughout most of my blogging, I’ve enjoyed reading other bloggers who keep their eyes on straight up pro, like Beefcake’s of Wrestling, Ringside at Skull Island and Inner Jobber. But I find wrestling explicitly for gay eyes to be just as entertaining, more titillating, and much less of a moral dilemma to enjoy, so I spend most of my viewing and blogging time on the more gay-forward homoerotic wrestling companies.
AH: I’m sorry. Obviously I didn’t do my research. Since you mentioned other bloggers there have many multiple blogs and bloggers on the subject of homoerotic and underground wrestling pop up in the ensuing years since 2009. How do you feel about that?
Bard: Hell, I forget half of what I’ve written, so I certainly don’t expect anyone else to have my entire 6 years of blogging memorized. I think it’s fabulous that there are a number of homoerotic wrestling blogs. The old Rants, Roids & Wrestling blog was just shutting down as I was starting up. I loved the artwork and storytelling there. Joe started Ringside at Skull Island about 6 months before my blog, and I’ve always enjoyed Joe’s take on the scene. And of course Wrestling Arsenal is a classic that’s been around forever and has a fantastic, unique voice and angle all his own. There have been times when I’ve been just about to post something when I discover someone else (usually Joe) has already reviewed it, said it, asked it. But honestly, I think it’s fantastic that there are several voices out there, a lot of different perspectives and tastes reflecting much more of the diversity of homoerotic wrestling than any one of us could by ourselves.
AH: What do you think of wrestlers having more of a Social Media presence than ever before?
Bard: I think it’s the future of entertainment of any kind, including the homoerotic wrestling business. Pro wrestling is as much driven by personality as it is by athleticism or hot bodies. We have more access to interact with and know about the people in our lives, and social media has given us the opportunity to build the illusion that public personalities are “people in our lives.” So, anonymous guys with hot bodies showing up in a ring, wrestling with more or less skill, and then disappearing from view is much less compelling these days than wrestlers turning us on in action and then populating our Twitter and Facebook feeds with photos and attitude and the illusion that their professional character is part of our social network. Wrestlers like Ty Alexander, Kayden Keller, Ethan Andrews and Cameron Matthews have done great work at the sell in and out of the ring. I know fans enjoy seeing them in social media, and I strongly suspect that those who exploit that fan experience beyond the confines of a particular wrestling product will only literally sell more products. And have you seen the number of photos that Ty posts of his ass!? Fuck, that guy is working it with a vengeance!
AH: True. There have been plenty of wrestlers, through all of the homoerotic sites that have been “one and done” – they have the great bodies, but if the personality is not there or they don’t sell for the camera and draw the audience in, they are not featured again. It does give us a kind of “behind the scenes” look at some wrestlers. However, don’t you also think that there could also be some fatigue with specific wrestlers who appear over and over again combined with their increasing online presence?
Bard: My thinking has evolved on that question over my time blogging. Early on, I was pretty harsh on wrestlers who seemed to show up everywhere at the same time. I took some swipes at Cameron Matthews and Rio Garza a few years ago when both of them were showing up in simultaneous new releases across two, sometimes three different companies, sometimes even wrestling the same opponents across promotions. I still think that repackaging the same match-ups across promotions is bad for consumers, and my hunch is that there’s probably some corporate intrigue about the choice of a producer to tape and release copycat matches at the same time. Like, what’s the wisdom of releasing at the same time Rio and Jobe wrestling each other in the ring in two different matches? But I think instant downloads and social media are sensitizing us to a faster pace of information and exposure to wrestlers. And, frankly, I’ve simply found myself charmed and titillated by popular wrestlers like Cameron, Jonny, Drake and Ethan inhabiting multiple platforms, giving us long-form text, photos, and videos alongside of snapshot status updates to construct 3-dimensional characters in and out of the ring. Getting more access to these sensational wrestling characters has actually increased my anticipation and excitement for their new releases. There may be fan-fatigue for some wrestling consumers, but these days I see multi-platform promotion for wrestlers to be compelling. Now if we could just get Drake to update his fucking blog [laughing].
AH: Haha, there you go bashing Drake again. Can’t you leave the poor guy alone? Are you trying to get fans to sympathize with poor Drake? I didn’t want to name names earlier (cough Austin/Frey cough) about showing up across different companies and multiple matches a month, but hey, he must be doing something right in the eyes of the people producing and shelling out the products. And he is not the only one. It does seem to make it harder for a rookie to get noticed and make a lasting impression, although I have to say that 2015 was a particularly strong year for them (at least for me.) with Chet, Biff, Van Skyler, etc.
Bard: I do like the increased social media presence of some of the wrestlers you mentioned, although like new releases, they are updated rather infrequently. I think that actually works in their favor, as it keeps the audience salivating until there is a new post, a new video, new pictures.
AH: Since we’re talking about wrestlers populating social media, what are your thoughts on all the bloggers talking about homoerotic wrestling
Bard: Oh, can’t forget Austin Cooper! His heel work at BG East in particular is crazy good. But regarding other bloggers, I have tons of respect and take a lot of enjoyment in all of them. There was a period where I was diligently reading everybody and intentionally cross promoting other blogs, but I just ran out of time to stay on top of that. I still visit Beefcakes of Wrestling several times a week to check the mainstream pros I ought to be looking up on Youtube. I check in on Ringside frequently, now that Joe’s back at it again, particularly for a glimpse at some of the promotions that I don’t really follow. Alex is always sensational, and his work at The Cave is a great mix of sensational writing and inspiring reviews. I think each of the bloggers with an eye on homoerotic wrestling have unique perspectives, different things that draw their attention or spark their interest. And that’s what I like about blogging as a format. It lets us step inside someone else’s head for a moment and recognize the arousing and provocative things that we may not see on our own.
AH: Seems like each blog has a corner of the homoerotic wrestling scene all to themselves. I love it when multiple bloggers discuss and dissect the same match as it leads to differing views and makes me want to watch the match again trying to hopefully see it through a new lens. Before finding all of these blogs, I never thought that all of these posts would be so arousing!! I just thought the videos and pictures would turn me on. Glad to be proven wrong. So you have your avatar on your blog that shows off that chest and gives a glimpse of your abs. You’ve let your audience into your mind – but you have left the rest of your body and self, vague. Is that intentional on your part?
Man of Mystery
Bard: When I started blogging, I didn’t have a clear picture of exactly what I wanted the blog to be. But I did feel committed to make it relatively confessional as a gay man strongly turned on by wrestling. With an interest in a frank discussion of eroticism, I decided that I’d feel freer to be blunt and honest about my sexual turn-ons if I were relatively anonymous otherwise. One of the greatest things about blogging has been hearing from guys who say, “I’ve had the same experiences, but thought I must be the only one!” But I don’t know if I’d ever have had the balls to dig down to those moments of homoerotic confessional truth, to talk about some of those things that many of us experience but may seldom discuss with friends and family that don’t get it, if I thought that my mom or my boss might stumble across my words. These days, I think of that avatar I use like a wrestling mask in the pro ring. There’s something that it hides, but there’s something that it frees to be seen, to be more open and passionately me as well. And, quite honestly, over time I’ve discovered that there are some relatively unhinged people in the webosphere who take all of this way, way too seriously, who I really wouldn’t want to know me in any more detail than what I share on the blog.
AH: Very well said. I was quite late to the game in finding homoerotic wrestling sites and blogs dedicated to it. But once I did, I had that “Aha” moment, where I was like I am not the only one who likes this stuff! And we thank you for digging down deep, through your anonymity, to bring us your fresh take on these subjects that so strongly turn you on. I hope this interview does not provoke any unhinged people out there to search either of us out.
Bard: Some guys are extremely… passionate… about their opinions about homoerotic wrestling. It’s a fine line between passionate/playful and unhinged, but there is a line, I think.
AH:Rock Hard dabbled in luche style masks I believe once in their history (although it was obvious who the combatants were) and BG East has had masked wrestlers as well. Do you ever watch lucha wrestling videos on youtbube or know that history, or were you just using the wrestling mask as a metaphor to prove your point?
Bard: I am familiar with lucha wrestling and some of the standard parts of the lucha mystique as it relates to masks and unmasking. Mostly, I was speaking metaphorically, though.
AH: So, 2016 is a momentous year. We have a Presidential election as well as the Olympics. Who would you put on the Mount Rushmore of homoerotic wrestling?
Bard: Yowza, that’s a challenging question. Coincidentally I traveled to Mr. Rushmore just last summer. I found it oddly underwhelming. But if I were to select 4 faces to get carved into stone as pivotal people in homoerotic history, I’d definitely start with Kid Leopard. I think BG East has been uniquely shaped by his vision and commitment to homoerotic wrestling, and I think BG East has, in turn, uniquely shaped the entire industry. Honestly, I think if anyone else’s face was carved next to him, Kid Leopard’s visage would pummel him. Who else is as iconic? Maybe Ron Sexton of Can-Am. I have no idea what he looks like, though, so I’m not sure if anyone would recognize him. But I think of him as, perhaps more than anyone else, bringing together the two worlds of wrestling and porn in ways that completely laid the groundwork for the likes of Naked Kombat. If pressed, I think perhaps a third face to carve into the Mr. Rushmore of homoerotic wrestling might be Steve Sterling. Bodybuilders in homoerotic wrestling are a mainstay these days, but I think of Steve as one of the first, if not the first, legitimate, incredibly muscled, competition bodybuilders to bring serious, aesthetic, massive physiques into the homoerotic wrestling fan’s immediate gaze. As for a fourth “founding father,” I’m sort of stumped. I think I’ll put Scott Williams’ face in that final spot. Not because he fundamentally shaped the industry at all. Just because I think he’s fucking handsome as hell, and I’d pay the price of admission to get to see that sensational jawline literally carved in stone.
My nominees for the Mt. Rushore of Homoerotic Wrestling: Kid Leopard (L), Ron Sexton (not pictured), Steve Sterling (C) and Scott Williams (R)
AH: Shit, I am getting into my car and driving directly to your Mt Rushmore of homoerotic wrestling! Where do you think this art form goes from here? There has definitely been an evolution, one you know better than me, about homoerotic wrestling. Now, you don’t need to wait a period of time for that “package” to arrive in the mail – you can instantly stream/download a match from just about any wrestler, any promotion, at any moment (and get a shock when you get your credit card statement too). Mr. Firestorm has dabbled in newer matches (with the google-glasses bird’s eye view, and his choose your own adventure style match against your personal friend Drake); do you think that is the way to go – where it seems the audience has more of a say in what goes on in matches, or should we leave it to the people behind the scenes who have crafted gold into our memories for so long
Bard: I think there’s value added in both consumer directed products as well as the fare that established wrestling producers know how to put together so well. The custom and fan-choice matches scratch that great, postmodern itch of breaking down some of the barriers between viewers and the action, which I think is sensational. It’s also why I love behind the scenes glimpses and the online presence of some homoerotic wrestling personalities these days. It pokes holes in that wall that divides the passive viewing fan from the extremely active, intense, visceral nature of wrestling. However, 9 times out of 10, I’d let Kid Leopard pick a sexy hot pairing for a sweaty, high flying, low down ring match drama and be confident I’d be 100% entertained. I love the unexpected. I love to be surprised and shocked by how a match turns or by the depths to which wrestlers will go to dominate. So I certainly wouldn’t want everything to be a Chinese menu of homoerotic wrestling choices. Some producers have a fantastic eye and taste for this that takes me places I’d never know that I need to go.
AH: Once again Bard, fantastic analysis; That’s the great thing about this subject and others like it – it’s so open for discussion and debate. Do you have any last rumblings and grumblings you’d like to share that perhaps you haven’t yet voiced in your blog yet?
Bard: I think the only other thing I’d pontificate about today is one that many readers have heard before from me and from others. I regularly get comments to my blog with pointed, often personal, frequently crass criticisms of wrestlers. Most often the ones that really trigger me are the personal attacks on wrestlers’ bodies, like someone is too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too whatever and so somehow deserves disrespect. On the one hand, I’m at the front of the line when it comes to loving and leaning into the fantasy of professional wrestling. When wrestlers belittle each other and heap trash talking contempt upon one another’s physiques and appearance, I can understand why fans would turn to social media and comment logs to participate in the same sort of posturing. However, as many can probably attest to, I do my best to censor those types of comments out of the comment pages on my blog. I know this pisses some readers off. But I just have to say, again here today, that this practice of trashing wrestlers with personal attacks feels a lot like me inviting a whole bunch of friends over, and having one of the guests in my own home trashing and attacking another of my guests. I know you’ve got your opinions, and I know many of you aren’t shy about expressing the highly critical ones. But no. Not in my house. Not aimed at my friends.
Because that’s what’s happened as I’ve been blogging over the years. I’ve had the great privilege of meeting many of the wrestlers who I’m completely infatuated with. And it’s a mind fuck to actually sit down and talk with a stud puppy who, perhaps just the day before, I was pounding out a screaming climax to while watching him wrestle on my screen. And while I have zero problem getting off again and again to the wrestling work of these hunks I’ve got to meet in person, I just can’t behave as if these wrestlers are somehow not real people who deserve common human decency and respect. A few of them I’m particularly privileged to count among my friends, and I take that seriously. So not liking a match they’re in, or offering the critique about something they wear, or what you wish they’d done to a particular opponent is fantastic by me. But body shaming them, or calling them losers, or questioning their intelligence, or assessing them as worthless is crossing a line.
So, like I said, readers have heard this from me before, but in closing, I’d just say it again. Keep it classy. This little corner of the world inhabited by gay guys with a particular thing for getting off on wrestling is probably bigger than most of us might have originally thought it was, but we shouldn’t take for granted the balls it takes for wrestlers to strip down, gear up, and put their bodies on the line for this community of ours. I know for a fact that there are homoerotic wrestlers who have been shamed and punished when they’ve had friends, family or coworkers discover they’ve wrestled for a gay audience. That’s shitty. But the last thing they should also face is that very audience shaming or harassing them out of petty cattiness.
Anyway, I officially step back off my soap box and thank you, AH, for turning the tables on me and interviewing me for a change. It was a fascinating experience to be on the other side of the questions!
AH: No, thank you very much, Bard. The honor was all mine, and thank you for agreeing to do this!
I’ve prepared myself for what’s about to happen. It’s like clockwork, so I’m absolutely certain I know what comes next. Every time I take the opportunity to acknowledge my lustful appreciation of the unique wrestling talents of Skrapper, there are readers who instantly start trashing him. Honestly, I just do not get it. I understand that not everyone will enjoy the same styles, body types, personalities, etc., that I like. I sympathize when a fan reflects back to me their apathy about a wrestler that turns me on hard. But I just don’t get the vitriol that Skrapper inspires from a certain segment of the audience.
Skrapper turns me ON!!!
Just to put you on notice, I screen out attempts to trash the bodies, intelligence, or general attractiveness of wrestlers in the comments of this blog. That obviously doesn’t stop anyone from flaming up elsewhere, but here at neverland, my intent is to make this a gay-positive, wrestling-positive, wrestler-positive space for those appreciating homoerotic wrestling. So if you don’t agree with my estimation that Skrapper is, pound for pound and inch for inch, one of the hottest, most arousing wrestlers currently in competition, do be polite if you want to start a conversation about it here. As for me, I grow a little more infatuated with his sensationally sexy body every time I see him. In his newly released Matmen 26 match against that adorable jobber, the Cheshire Cat of homoerotic wrestling, Drake Marcos, Skrapper is meatier than ever. He’s not huge, I understand. But his veiny, bulging biceps are making me a little dizzy with desire. And that ass is such a piece of work.
“Don’t call me a jobber, darn it!”
Drake is as adorable as ever, looking lean and mean and earnest as fuck. He’s downright solicitous as they arrive on the mat, praising Skrapper for leveraging his middleweight physique into a wrestling machine that’s quite genuinely made heavyweight muscle hunks 50% heavier than he is cry. Those are precisely the steps Drake would love to follow. He asks Skrapper for pointers in order to dig himself out of the “everyone’s favorite jobber” hole he’s dug for himself. Drake suggests they’re about the same size, similar physiques, so he’d love to learn from Skrapper how to finally earn some respect around here.
“Smell my pit.”
You get a strong whiff of what’s to come when you see Skrapper’s face reacting to Drake’s claim that their bodies are similar. “You think so?” he asks rhetorically, flexing those juicy, softball biceps I mentioned earlier. Ostensibly, he agrees to give the Cheshire Cat some lessons. They start with forcing Drake to smell his armpit.
“Kiss the mat!!!”
For a moment there, I think Skrapper is literally thinking that if Drake takes a deep inhalation of his musky, masculine sweat, it will work like an elixir and transform the adorable jobber into a force to be reckoned with. But the more Skrapper works his would-be protege, the more convinced I get that Skapper’s real intent is to demonstrate that Drake is not now, and never will be, in his league. And let’s talk about the metaphor I use so often around here: taking possession. Holy fuck, he ties Drake up in such knots that it’s almost not a metaphor any longer. I seriously wonder at times if he very well may successfully rip one or more limbs off of the Cheshire Cat.
Drake is put on lock down.
He’s intent on making Drake kiss the mat. He wants to use Drake’s quickly sweat soaked bod to mop the floor with him, and this time I’m talking literally. He pulls and pries, rips and stretches, and overwhelmingly punishes the jobber boy like a maestro. When it comes to wresting personas, I don’t exactly think of Skrapper as a face or as a heel, and never a jobber. He’s a homoerotically charged scrapper who just fucking loves to wrestle. But with the point to prove that Drake needs to step the fuck back and stop trying to compare himself with the skrappy one, I get a strong hit of a sadistic, ego-fueled heel bubbling just under the surface of Skrapper. I pray to the wrestling gods that some day soon we will see this amazing mat warrior translated full blown into the vile, hungry, domineering pro ring heel I’m absolutely certain he is, deep down.
Drake enjoys the unfamiliar feeling of being on top.
Never let it be said that I don’t give Drake his due, though. First of all, look at that sexy body of his glistening with sweat! The boy’s got abs that make me want to jump on like a hotel mattress. And his long, sexy, punishing legs have never failed to make me weak in the knees, though never quite as much as when I was delighted to get to feel them wrapped around my own torso and squeezing every ounce of air from my lungs. To be honest, I totally thought this was going to be a squash. I thought Skrapper would crush his fawning would-be-protege like a grape. But it seems as if that air of inevitability about Drake perpetually sucking on a mouthful of humiliation may have finally pushed everyone’s favorite jobber over the edge. Because he takes a mountain of punishment from Skrapper and then opens up a can of whoop ass that lasts for days!
He seriously, seriously enjoys making Skrapper scream!
I’m not sure I’ve seen Skrapper suffer quite like this since Kid Vicious got his hands (and mouth and cock) all over him. Drake rips his opponent’s street clothes off. He grabs hold of the advantage and milks it for every ounce of punishing torture at his disposal. He rides Skrapper’s gorgeous ass with conviction, and there’s an all too unfamiliar look of shocked delight on Drake’s face as he seriously starts savoring how the other half lives. He makes that steel core down Skrapper’s spine absolutely melt with the heat of his offense, ripping out a screeching, scream of submission completely uncharacteristic of Skrapper’s normally earthquake rumbling bass. “That first time wasn’t real!” Skrapper spits angrily, trying to re-write history, trying to salvage the humiliation of having been tossed over the edge of pain tolerance by one of the most notorious jobbers in the business. “That scream sounded pretty real,” Drake instantly slaps down lightning quick, razor sharp trash talk like a seasoned heel.
Drake running on fumes.
I love suspense, so I’m infatuated with the unpredictability of this battle. They strip each other naked and still just keep pounding, scrambling, squeezing and stretching one another. Drake is focused, dangerous, and clearly executes an expertly devised plan to make a bid at climbing out of that dark, dreary jobber hole of his. But in the end, he runs out of gas. They’re both at the point of complete exhaustion, but it’s D who finally can’t defend himself any longer. And having tested and taunted Skrapper as brutally as he has up to that point, Drake is in for a sensationally sexy world of hurt from a vengeful badger like Skrapper, once he’s defenseless.
They get us.
These two sensationally sexy middleweights inhabit the same world you and I do. There’s no doubt that they are every bit as turned on by the pressing flesh and battle of wills on the wrestling mat as you and I are. Even if you aren’t as completely turned on as I am by this match (and don’t even try to tell me you aren’t if you haven’t seen it), I insist that gay wrestling fans owe the utmost respect to these two battlers, not just because they’re phenomenally arousing to watch go at it, but also because they so clearly get it. They get us. They are us, damn it.
They are us.
And nothing transports me so completely into a full throttle, sweat-soaked, naked finish homoerotic wrestling match as much as two wrestlers who want it to happen every ounce as much as I do.
While it’s true I haven’t been able to post regularly lately, I have, nevertheless, been enjoying hot new homoerotic wrestling. BG East’s catalog 112 landed late last week, and I am a happy, happy camper. There are whole lot of gems here to marvel at and obsess over. Possibly inspiring the most intrusive erotic thoughts in me is catalog coverboy Mason Brooks facing off against Best Butt winner 3 years and counting, Kid Karisma in Gazebo Grapplers 18.
Mason enthusiastically faces that award winning ass!
It should come as little surprise that this match grabs me hard, since I’ve extensively documented my erotic infatuation with and genuine appreciation of both of these sensational hunks. I feel like Mason shows us something new, something honest and self-disclosing about himself in every match. And Kid K is the very definition of a fantasyman juggernaut. So pitting and unstoppable muscle hunk against an erotic wild card like Mason is instant chemistry.
Chemistry
I’m sucked in instantly as the cameras roll, because Mason is visibly, audibly, obviously into Kid Karisma. Have we ever seen Mason at a loss for words? Well facing the ginger Tom of Finland physique star come to life, Mason stutters and stammers awkwardly confessing how excited he is to get to wrestle Kid K. I don’t know how it’s possible that we don’t see more genuine corporal appreciation to start homoerotic wrestling matches like this. There’s so much bluster and psychological warfare, we seem to seldom witness an honest moment of one wrestler checking out the divine physique of his opponent and actually blushing with desire. My read is that Mason is pretty much gagging for it as his eyes soak in every bulging inch of the karismatic one, and for that, Mason instantly transports me into that gazebo with him.
Mason makes him pay hard
And anyone with a passing familiarity with Kid Karisma’s work knows that the magnificent muscleman has an ego every bit as spectacularly bulging and bursting at the seams as his muscles. So adding to the authenticity of the moment is the quite obvious ego stroke he gets when he recognizes Mason is a fanboy. Again, who wouldn’t be tickled to see his opponent soaking in the sight of him with obvious erotic desire? And there’s something very Tarzan about the way Kid K starts the whole thing off by snapping Mason up across his shoulder and parading him around the Gazebo. Then there’s something very, very, very Mason about the way that Brooks, even hanging upside down and appearing so clearly in the complete control of his opponent, calmly latches his fingers around Kid K’s balls and squeezes the musclehunk to his knees with a whimper.
Positioned… just……… right.
As I’ve said often, I like my homoerotic wrestling with extra helpings of homo and erotic, so this match punches all my buttons hard. We knew about 4 seconds into this thing that Mason was enthralled with Kid Karisma’s body, but it takes Kid K little longer than that to signal that he is abundantly aware of precisely Mason’s assets that have made me a fan all along. The intensity with which Kid K rides Mason’s sweet ass, grinding his crotch slow and hard between those cheeks, is unmistakably amorous.
Someone’s either getting fucked or broken in two. Or both.
Both of these studs are master surfers when it comes to riding waves of momentum. I like the elements of stern discipline and punishment that infuse Mason and Kid Karisma’s entire catalogs. So getting to see that passionate delight in both of them go head to head, to watch them both grab advantage and wring the living daylights out of it, makes this a rare gem. The wrestling is brutal, powerful, and dripping with erotic desire.
Mason’s magically magnetic nipples strike again!
It was less than 2 months ago that I made the hard, hard (hard) decision to take the title of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler away from Kid Karisma and return it to the sensationally sexy waist of bodybuilder beauty Lon Dumont. Just to show you how closely these two are owning me, I’m flipping the script right back around today and watching Kid Karisma mount the throne again as my current top favorite. It doesn’t hurt Kid K’s claim that Lon was not featured at all in this newest catalog. But let me take absolutely nothing away from him. Kid K drives me crazy with his delight in taking possession of Mason’s hot bod. Karisma is fitter, harder, more sculpted and cut than we’ve ever seen him, and seeing a fantasyman like that get so clearly turned on by the moment of wrestling a mouthwatering morsel like Mason is epic.
In love and war
And lest this start to sound like I’m all about Kid Karisma in this match, I think Kid K owes a very special lap dance to Mason for his hand in bringing out sides of Kid K that I just don’t think we’ve seen before. When all is said and done, I honestly believe Kid K wants Mason’s sweet body nearly as much as I do, and that is first and foremost a testament to Mason. Their roguish irreverence is beautifully matched, exponentiating the erotic talents both hot boys bring to the mat. They irritate each other’s egos just right. The head of steam they both have by time all is said and done is scorching hot.
This is a homoerotic match where you don’t have to read between the lines.
At the end of this match, one bare assed beauty conquered, the other huffing and puffing at the effort it took to beat him, there’s the perfect end to a homoerotic wrestling match. The winner strolls off, calling the loser to follow him to enjoy the real spoils of homoerotic warfare. And the lucky, lucky loser eagerly climbs to his feet and obeys.
Returning to the top of my list of very, very favorite homoerotic wrestlers is sensationally sexy Kid Karisma!
Don’t try to tell me I was the only one whose heart beat faster when shots of Zac Efron and Adam Devine in sexy, tight wrestling singlets popped up earlier this week. The set stills apparently come from an upcoming movie called Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates. I think I permanently broke some synapses watching the trailer, so I seriously doubt I’ll get to the theaters to see this high brow, thinking man’s thriller. With a title like that, it has ” Dude, Where’s My Car written all over it, and I still hate the world for that two hours of my life I’ll never be able to get back. However, let me repeat: Zac Efron and Adam Devine in sexy, tight wrestling singlets.
Zac Efron strikes Blue Steel while Adam Devine can’t keep his hands off his junk.
I’ve been highly skeptical of the Zac Efron bandwagon. With almost no real evidence either way to go on, I’ve been unable to look at his (literally) unbelievably pretty face without seeing the word “Douche” superimposed across his forehead. Before Efron fans grab their pitchforks, let me just point out that I fully embrace the likelihood that this phenomenon says much more about me and my biases than it does about Zac.
Wrestling gear makes the man.
However, two things warm my cock about seeing Zac in these intended-to-titillate teasers. 1. The wrestling singlet. If anyone is going to pop a cork for a hardbodied Hollywood pretty boy sexed up in a wrestling context, it’s obviously going to be me. I love the way he’s tugging at it and bulging all over the place. I know, this movie will not feature any rip and strip homoerotic wrestling, but for the eye candy and the nod to the powers of my homoerotic wrestling imagination, this cock tease PR does, indeed, elevate my estimation of Zac’s erotic fantasy potential.
Erotic potential coming and going.
And as for the other cock-warming element that makes me rethink my biases about Zac, 2. Adam Devine. What the fuck is it about this guy!? If anyone ought to have “Douche” tattooed across his forehead, it should be Adam for his work in Workaholics. Pretty face in a fratboy-after-one-too-many-kegs way. Soft around the middle. And yet, fuck he turns me on every single time. True, Zac’s body is clearly harder. He’s obviously the headliner. But it’s Devine’s hot ass squeezed into that lycra next to him that’s turning my eyes back to Zac’s big, bulging package and wanting to see these two fight for fuck stakes.
Narcissist pro wrestling heel, if ever there was one.
Ah, well. I know the Efron bandwagon is packed already, but with singlet and Devine at his side, he’d better make room for one more, damn it.
Thanks for those checking in on me after not posting for a couple of weeks. Exciting times in the Bard household these days, including an imminent relocation of chez Bard. I’m certain there will be more disruptions in my posting schedule over the next few months as I happily move to greener pastures, but in the mean time, let me make up for lost time and applaud the winners of the 2015 BG East Besties.
Kip Sorell – Best Abs of 2015
In the individual wrestler categories featured winners who were certainly odds on favorites, as well as what I consider a couple of upset surprises. First, as for surprises, I think Jake Jenkins’ successful defense of his title as Top Babyface is a surprise mostly because JJ simply wasn’t prominently featured in 2015. Not that I haven’t fucking adored JJ from day 1, but honestly I figured more prolific wrestlers would have been more on the mind of voters. But JJ proves once again not to underestimate his petite, acrobatic, sensationally hot body or beautiful face. And Kip Sorell stole Best Abs from Z-Man!? Holy fuck, that blows my mind. I’d dip all 5 nominees in chocolate sauce and lick them clean, mind you, but Kip’s relatively low 2015 profile paired with Z-Man’s ferocious fan base has to make this a major upset.
Chace LaChance – Best Body of 2015
Not so surprising are tried and true chart toppers like Best Butt award winner once again, Kid Karisma. It’s hard to argue with perfection, although Ty Alexander pulled out a runner up for the category, and he’s sworn on FB to claim the title in 2016. Also not surprising me at all is Pete Sharp slapping down the competition for Best Bulge with his his monster package. I think that anaconda could be a gimme anytime Pete’s in the mix. Best Body went to Chace LaChance, which I think is entirely understandable, though I’m glad to see Kid K pulled into 2nd place.
Biff Farrell – Best Debut of 2015(Start lobbying now for a “Best Legs” category next year, and a Monster Quad Match between Biff and Logan Vaughn, please!)
Top Heel for 2015 was Guido Genatto, which is hard to argue with, despite my selecting Joe Mazetti for my vote. Guido’s multiple, overwhelming heel performances in 2015 would be tough to beat by anyone at any time. Top Jobber went to fan favorite Ty Alexander, who was my pick and, I think, a shoe-in for his multiple matches jobbing like the cream of the crop. Debut of the year was a tough call, but I’m pleased that my pick, Biff Farrell, slapped Drake’s pick, Chet Chastain, down like a bitch to claim the title. I still say with a debut year like his, Biff could own this industry in a couple of years if he wanted it.
Guido Genatto and Chet Chastain dug deep to pull out the victory for Best Overall Match of 2015
For the collaborative titles (at least, those requiring more than one wrestler to qualify), there were again a few surprises, at least to me. The Submissions 10 match featuring Cameron Matthews and Zach Reno came out of nowhere to take the trophy, as far as I’m concerned. I’m seriously shocked Jonny & Stone didn’t get the nod from submission fans. I’m also surprised and a little perplexed that the winner of Best Match Overall for 2015 was Guido and Chet’s Fan Fantasy 3 bout, despite that same match only coming in second place for Best Ring Match. If one were to assume that voters were consistent in their voting, I think that would have to mean that a good portion of those who voted for Blaine and Cameron’s Barefoot Babyface match as Top Ring match felt that whatever their top mat match pick was was better overall. Still, I find it intriguing that Best Overall Match was not the best match in its category.
Drake made a big push in our discussion about the nominees for Blaine and Cameron’s Barefoot Babyface match, and I’m not surprised it snagged the Best Ring Match title. Hot, shocking, sensationally sexy stuff. Similarly, I’m unsurprised that Ring Releases 2 pulled out the victory for Sexiest Match, even though my vote went for X-Fights 39 (which still pulled a respectable second place). I’m a little thrilled to see Kid Karisma and Marco Carlow’s Undagear 23 match do so well, winning Best Squash and coming in 2nd for Best Mat Battle. My vote still went for Lane Hartley and Richie Douglas brutally once sided babyface mauling for Best Squash, but Kid K and Marco definitely deserved some lauds and praises for that match. The Hottest Liplock of 2015 appeared in Ring Releases 2, meaning it was Kayden Keller’s face sucking on Ty Alexander that turns fans on most last year. That Skrapper and Christian Taylor came in second place surprises me a little, but Christian certainly deserves the reigning title as resident Kisser at BG East these days, so a second place finish for him makes sense
Kid Karisma & Marco Carlow’s Undagear 23 – Best Squash of 2015
Congratulations to all the nominees and especially the winners. It was a rich, deep bench to call up in 2015. The extramural, cross production competition seems to me to be heating up these days (note Cameron throwing shade on FB about the Besties on his way to promoting his own productions these days). But when it comes to full on, unapologetically gay-oriented wrestling with sensationally sexy action and beautiful bodies abounding, BG East remained the most prolific, diverse, and entertaining, by my estimation. I keep waiting for Can-Am to really reinvest in buying back their stake of the explicitly gay wrestling scene (though they definitely maintain a major claim on the wrestling-foreplay porn narrative), and/or some new production to seriously compete with BG East for the unapologetic eye to gay pro wrestling fans. But as of the close of 2015, I think that market is unquestionably dominated by BG East. It was definitely a great year for a great company and a fantastic battalion of beautiful wrestlers.
Time’s a wasting, so if anyone is going to still benefit from seeing side by side (or top to bottom) comparisons of the nominees for BG East Bestie awards before polls close at midnight tomorrow night, I’d better get on it.
The Best Body category is an enigmatic one for me. Taking in the whole of a wrestler’s physique speaks to different tastes and attention. How the academy narrowed the field down to these six specimens, I can’t imagine, but it’s a very, very hot field to choose from.
Kid Karisma (my pic)Van SkylerZ-Man (2013 Best Body Winner)Lon DumontChace LaChanceLogan Vaughn (those legs!!!)
Competition for Best Bulge is probably equally as subjective, but when we zoom in on the crotch, I have to think that size matters. In this case, these are the boys with the heft and volume to get nominations from the academy.
Pete Sharp (defending Best Bulge 2014 winner)Kayden KellerJobe ZanderJonny FirestormGold Shaft
Nominees for Top Heel somehow seems like one of the clearest categories in the poll. The pro wrestling heel is an iconic role, and at BG East, it’s inhabited by some of the hottest, most merciless and vicious bad asses on the planet. Defending Top Heel of 2014, Kid Karisma, didn’t even make the cut this year, but this year’s field is incredibly competitive.
As anticipated, BG East has posted their poll for the Bestie awards, recognizing the fan favorites for their wrestlers and matches featured in 2015. Drake and I did our pre-scout report last week, but now that we have the actual nominees in hand, I wanted to do a quick comparison in the interest of aiding voters in making the best choices. I’ll just stick to the individual categories because you only have until midnight this Friday to submit your votes. First up, lets take a look at the faces of the nominees for Top Babyface.
Biff Farrell (my pick)Richie DouglasChet Chastain (Drake’s pick)Jake Jenkins – Defending Top Babyface 3 years in a row!Pete Sharp
Next up, let’s compare the awesome abs nominated for Best Abs of 2015.
Lon Dumont (my pick)Cal BennettChet ChastainPete SharpZ-Man (Defending Best Abs of 2014)Kip Sorell
I’m not the first person to note that a prominent 2-time champion of the Best Abs Bestie was not nominated this year, despite appearing on the mats in 2015 for BG East. I don’t know if the academy intentionally snubbed Eli Black, or if there was a calculated judgment that Eli’s killer abs were truly out distanced by the 6 lovely, lean hunks above. In any case, just a look at the abs that are not in contention this year…
Eli Black – shut out of the nominations for 2015 Best Abs
I’ll take a look at the field for Best Body and Best Bulge tomorrow…
I frequently get questions from wrestling fans asking for updates about some of their favorite wrestlers who’ve been absent from the scene too long. Do they still wrestle off camera? Will we ever see them join the ranks of the comeback kids? I appreciate that I may seem like a likely source of such behind the scenes information, but typically I have no idea. When I’ve had the opportunity to talk with wrestlers, especially those who’ve been off the radar for a while, it’s always been sheer luck on my part. They’ve reached out to me.
Jeff Kenney – 6′, 155 lbs
Surprisingly, for me, the most commonly asked about vintage wrestler is lovely, lanky, deceptively dangerous classic mat scrapper, Jeff Kenney. Jeff wrestled in 15 matches released by BG East, starting as far back as catalog 6 (compared to BG East’s most recently released catalog 111). He wrestled exclusively on the mats, including 3 sensationally sexy X-fights. He was the bread and butter of the Matmen series for quite a while, often completely shocking and ripping apart bigger opponents.
Shane got way more than he bargained for against Jeff in Matmen 15.
He faced off with classics like TNT, Andy Bailey, Chip Slater, and friend of neverland, Shane McCall. He was far more innovative and cunning that polished. Not classically handsome, at least not by my standards, there was nevertheless something intensely erotic about the lightweight stud. He was about as sure to get peeled out of his trunks, and vice versa, as he was to get his curly locks and big ears pulled.
TNT grabbed hold tight in Bratpack 11.
So, unfortunately, no, I have no leads on anything about sexy Jeff Kenney beyond his published work with BG East. I know of several homoerotic wrestling fans who would join me in feeling a special thrill to hear whether he kept busting balls and crushing spirits on the mats. If we don’t get any updates, just let it be known: Jeff Kenney is fondly remembered, frequently replayed, and passionately arousing wrestling fans still today!
Glen Watson’s big muscles were no match for Jeff in Matmen 4.
Since wrestling Drake Marcos a year and a half go, things have remained tense between the two of us. Words were said. Photographic evidence was shared. Excuses were made. While I understand why a Kid Leopard-trained professional homoerotic wrestler would nurse some stewing bitterness against the inexperienced blogger who upended him in the ring, I, on the other hand, continue to hold nothing but the highest regard for the Cheshire Cat.
So when Drake finally climbed out of his shame hole to return to the world of blogging, I demonstrated, once again, who was the bigger man by reaching out to the hot jobber and inviting him to sit down with me and handicap the BG East Besties in anticipation of their year-end fan poll. With a passing homage to Siskel & Ebert, I proposed that we dub this tete-a-tete “At the Matches with Bard & Drake.” In case you’re looking for ideas of who to vote for, or your simply as tickled as I am to watch Drake squirm, here are our takes on the year in BG East wrestling.
Drake Marcos is back.
Bard: So Drake, thanks for agreeing to sit down with me and shoot the shit. I hope you don’t mind I put my name first in the marquee: “At the Matches with Bard & Drake.”
Drake: I mean, the only reason you’re first is because of alphabetical rules and I was taught that you’re supposed to help old ladies carry their groceries so… It’s merely my manners that’s allowing this.
Bard: Yes, clearly you’re up to your skinny little neck in manners. Since it’s age before beauty, I’ll take the reins as we begin to consider the highlights in homoerotic wrestling from the past year.
Drake: You do that, Bard. It’s like reading to the nursing home patients for me.
Bard: Careful there, Drake, or I’ll beat you with my cane… again. Let’s start with a subject you’re particularly expert in: jobbing. There were some sweet moments in jobbing this year. I immediately think of mouthwatering Richie Douglas getting trussed up, spread eagled in the corner ropes with a raging, sweaty Lane Hartley place kicking the kid’s balls. Any sweet jobbing highlights stick out for you when you think about 2015?
Drake: While I still am not a fan of the title you give me, there is something I do know, and that’s how to recognize a good sell. And while adorable Richie Douglas does a great job getting his pretty little ass kicked, I ultimately think that the best jobber working in the BG stable right now is Chet Chastain. I mean holy fuck! The work he put in with Guido? Jesus Christ…my dick was sore for days!
Drake Marcos is back.
Bard: Chet, fuck yes. He’s come on like a house on fire in 2015. I completely agree with you he’s selling like a brand new iPhone these days. Although Chet clearly possesses a thorough indy pro wrestling resume prior to his arrival in the homoerotic wrestling universe, technically he “debuted” in 2015. I also have to rank Biff Farrell’s entry into BG East competition as one of the most phenomenal arrivals on the scene in 2015 as well. What a meatscicle!
Meatscicle Biff Farrell
Drake: There’s something about Biff that I really like. And, if you know Drake Marcos, you know I thrive for duality. He alternately looks like the kid in the old comic book ads who beefs up after getting sand kicked in his face on the beach while also looking like the sand-kicking bully as well. He’s got that right mix of bully buff but also golden boy babyface. He’s definitely a great find.
Bard: Any other new faces grab your attention, and by attention, I mean your dick?
Mad Mykel turned the heat up in his rookie year
Drake: I’m kinda all about Chet these days though. My muscle fascination finds me petting myself a bit over big brick shit house (as my dad used to say) Vasily Volkov. Mmmm, yes ma’am. And there’s also something about Mad Mykel that plays my strings. I think it’s his unbridled insanity. It’s quite entertaining.
Bard: Mad Mykel has wound me up and set me off in both of his 2015 releases. Which brings me back to adorable babyface Richie Douglas, who looked like the varsity quarterback getting mauled and molested by the badboy detention king when Mad Mykel got his hands all over him.
Drake: Yes, while I think Mykel needs some fine-tuning in the ring, the character he plays is perfect for him. It was quite hot watching him put the smackdown on that little ripped Texan poster boy. Completely unhinged, unpredictable, and his tactics push a lot of buttons. I mean it’s kind of fleeting, but there’s a moment when Ty has just had enough and goes into black out hulk mode and rages out on Mykel. That was quite a joy to see, seeing as he lacked much of that fire when I put my ass in his face…er…his ass in his place.
Bard: Ah, yes, Drake’s glory days get dragged, kicking and screaming into the conversation. Now that you mention it, you were one of several BG East staples who seemed to sit on the shelf most of this year. Other than your early year X-Fight with red-headed sex pot Steven Ponce, you were oddly absent from the new release list in 2015. What gives, Cheshire Cat?
Drake rung out like dirty laundry in X-Fights 39
Drake: 2015 was a year of transition and change for me. A lot of different things happened that kept me sidelined and otherwise preoccupied. I think BG realized that with just how much I burned up the release calendar last year that it was probably a time to let it cool. Like Lady Gaga, I ran the risk of overexposure, so I took some time off. To think, to meditate, to decide just who Drake Marcos really is, and who he’s going to be in the greater scheme of things. I’ll be back in 2016. There’s plenty of red hot matches in the can for me, and I am working on getting back into action very, very soon.
Bard: Sure, I can picture you as the Lady Gaga of homoerotic wrestling. In fact, that might be a pretty sensational new nickname for you.
Drake: Unfortunately I think that moniker has already been taken by precious little lily Ty Alexander thanks to Shane McCall. But I identify more with her than he does anyways, so, in spirit I guess.
Bard: I was worried that your bitter, public humiliation at the hands of a mere blogger late in 2014 might have permanently sucked out your mojo. I’m glad to hear your absence is merely indicative of a meditative retreat and PR pacing. You know how much I enjoy watching that fine ass of yours getting beat in the ring.
Drake: “Bitter, public humiliation?” I yawn as you continue to talk about this. Okay, so what? You kicked my ass, fine, whatever. There’s a whole extra side to that that you’re lax to let come out so I’m ok with that. Gloss over the times I had you screaming in pain…the long drawn out submissions I put you through…the vicious beating I laid on you, that’s fine. You got lucky, that’s all. While my loss to you smarts, it didn’t kill any of my mojo, but it did play a part in my hiatus. Like Ronda vs. Holly Holm, I’m taking my time, training, working hard and am going to come back and finally, completely and utterly shut you up once and for all. I think we’ll do some redecorating of your blog. Maybe put a nice big banner of you laid out naked in the ring with my foot on your face for everyone to see.
Bard: Ouch! I apparently touched a nerve there. Sorry (not sorry). I look forward to witnessing, first hand, your desperate attempt to redeem yourself. Hopefully we can work something out in 2016 to give you the opportunity to suck on some more big, hard, throbbing humiliation.
Drake: Bring it, Bard. Fucking bring it.
Bard: I love the sound of petulant desperation in your voice! You are such a seductive jobber. Speaking of hot and horny competitive tension, were there any explicitly erotic moments in 2015 wrestling that stuck with you?
Flash LaCash putting Van Skyler’s sensational ass in jeopardy
Drake: Van Skyler’s sweat-soaked squash by Flash LaCash is quite a highlight. Flash has never really been on my radar as a heel thanks to his mustache. Seriously, he reminds of the old Dudley Do-Right cartoons where the evil villain ties a damsel to the train tracks and then laughs evilly as he twirls his mustache around his fingers as the train approaches. But him whupping on impossibly gorgeous Van is a definite highlight. Ty’s picture perfect whupping by my “owner” Mason Brooks is blazing hot and not to mention the dismantling of Trey Dixon by god-on-earth Logan Vaughn.
Bard: See, now, there are three perfect examples of where we can get along and agree completely. Mason’s ring debut against Ty in Florida Fights 5 is definitely a highlight. I rarely see an accomplished mat wrestler take to the ring with quite the aplomb and success of Mason. And holy hell, I have got to believe Van Skyler could command a massive fan base if he keeps getting that magnificently muscled ass wedgied and pounded. But when it comes to hurtling headlong into the “explicit” side of the scene, Trey Dixon’s worshipful tongue bath of every… bulging… beautiful inch of Logan Vaughn is probably a top tier contender for my favorite moment of the year. Can you imagine getting your handsome face crushed like a grape between Logan’s gargantuan thighs!? Because I can. In fact, I am imagining your head getting crushed between Logan’s thighs right now, and, as I suspected, it’s turning me on hard.
Picture Drake Marcos here.
Drake: Seeing Ty get trounced is always fun in my book. Seeing it get done by someone as sexy as Mason is a real treat. I’m pretty sure Mason can succeed at everything he does. The man is a dangerous jack-of-all trades. Van has a great body, but I believe it’s his granite chiseled jawline that sends me swooning. The man is classically beautiful. And about that headscissor, I’m pretty sure you’re imagining your own head getting crushed, not mine.
Bard: Hmmm, let me consult my most arousing fantasies…. Nope, it’s your handsome mug trapped between Logan’s tree trunks that I’m picturing. Anyhow, in the full on sexually explicit end of the pool, at least the matches featuring full frontal nudity, is it my imagination, or was the field a little light this year? How do you think your sweaty romp against Steven Ponce stacks up against the handful of other naked delights this year?
Drake: Oh, without a doubt, head and shoulders above the rest. At my count there’s 7, and one of them, as the Kid Karisma match against Marco Carlow, which, while hot, doesn’t really classify as an explicit match like some of us who engage in full-monty wrestling with aplomb. Gold Shaft versus Dalton was fun. Smooth, Latino masked heel versus big, buff, tatted daddy with MASSIVE fucking bulges all around. Then you have the 3-for-all with Ty, Chace, and Kayden, which features Chace going full monty for the first time, I think, so we get to see ALL of his gorgeous Adonis body. Ring Releases 3 was blistering hot too. You have big dicked Mykel cockslapping Ty all over the Florida ring and then you have Kayden Keller getting somewhat of a comeuppance at the hands of the person voted least likely to do just that, little Leo Tomasi. That hot little segment seals the deal for me. Then you have Jafar running around commanding two muscle slaves, which didn’t do a single thing for me.
Stripping Marco Carlow was a major highlight of 2015!
Bard: For highlights, seeing Marco Carlow and Chace LaChance go full monty for the first time definitely makes my highlight reel for the year. Kid Karisma walking out of the room with his trunks on while Marco delivered a naked flexing session nearly made my head, explode though. Fuck, I predict Kid K would break the internet if he finally answered my prayers and honest to the wrestling gods wrestled naked.
Drake: But then we have MY match, and it proves, if anything, I know my fans and what they want. I’d been wanting to get my hands all over that ginger muscle since I first met him. I let my dick do the thinking though, and, well you see what happened, but it’s fucking sexy as hell.
Bard: I rank Kayden and Leo’s match as neck and neck with you getting muscle tamed by lovely Steven as the top of the heap when it comes to cocks out, lips locked, explosive wrestling matches this year. Watching you swarm all over Ponce’s luscious body and work up a sweet head of steam, only to get distracted and slapped down into your place brought up such fond memories for me.
Drake’s place?
Drake: My place is not always there! I’m telling you, 2016 is going to be very different
Bard: I love all that pluck and promise, Drake. So, it sounds like Super Hero Heels 7 did not do it for you, and again, I agree with you. I loved the potential, but the plot fell short for me. I’d also say the third match in Undagear 23 fell seriously flat for me, watching Ethan Andrews humorlessly mugging pretty Jayden Mayne. Extremely hot potential there, but the lack of chemistry and cold, relentlessly bullying from Ethan just failed to live up to the promise for me. Any other misses in this year’s field that you’d call out?
Drake: I agree with you on the Ethan match. It seemed a little too personal for me. Ummm, misses…Zach Reno’s hair is a big miss for me. However, I think this was another banner year for BG. Solid catalogs from start to finish with best value for dollar entertainment from the best homoerotic wrestling company out there. I do have to say though, and I don’t know how this missed mention as it’s definitely one of my all time favorites now, can we talk about Cameron versus Blaine in Barefoot Babyfaces?
Bard: Absolutely we talk about Cameron and Blaine. I appreciate how politely and respectfully you asked my permission. Rip, strip, and sweat-soaked sexiness in that match! What commends it to get your highest marks for 2015?
Drake: It’s definitely one of the most unexpected and inventive matches I think I’ve seen come out of BG in a while. Cameron is at his fittest, his absolute best that I think we’ve seen him since his Submissions winner last year against Jake Lowe. And you know I have a ridiculous soft spot (read: hard-on) for lovely Canucks like Blaine Janus.
Bard: You aren’t the only BG East wrestler I’ve talked to who holds Blaine in very, very high regard. They are quite a sensational pairing. I love how much time Blaine spends with his fingers wrapped around Cameron’s balls.
Who’s the king now!?
Drake: But I think what put this over the top for me is how completely and thoroughly Blaine outwrestles, outsmarts, and outmuscles the wrestling legend. I mean, he’s bound in the corner as Blaine scales him like King Kong on the Empire State Building and headscissors him on the top turnbuckle and demands not only a complete submission, but that Cameron call Blaine the “king!”
Bard: Definitely, there’s something very special about a “pro-upended” narrative like that.
Drake: And then, like a debased, dethroned king that he is, he’s hung in the town square/ corner with his own robe/singlet until he’s out cold, choked out.
Bard: Definitely, super sweet wrestling drama! You’ve got good taste, Drake. I approve of slotting Cameron & Blaine in Barefoot Babyfaces 1 as a top notch highlight of the year. I think if push comes to shove, I’d have to give my very favorite, hauntingly arousing match choice to Logan & Trey’s wrestle-worship session in Florida Fights 5. In case BG East does another year-end Besties award season, are you willing to name names of who you think you’ll be voting for? Top babyface?
Chet Chastain – Top Babyface of 2015?
Drake: If I can’t vote myself I’m going to have to give it to either Ty or Chet Chastain. But you should vote for me.
Bard: I have to say, I do like this tell-it-like-it-is spirit you’ve got lately. I’ll definitely take it under advisement. If my vote doesn’t go for you, I think Biff could be my surprise pick (at least, I find myself a little surprised to be so taken by a rookie). Top heel?
Drake: I mean, last year I would have said without hesitation Guido, but Flash LaCash is a surprise wildcard for me this year.
Joe Mazetti – the once and future top heel?
Bard: I may just give my vote to Joe Mazetti from the Comeback 2. Joe’s phenomenal work battling his internal demons even as he battles big Biff Farrell is really amazing to watch. And when he finally just lets the fuck loose, there’s something both pristinely classic and fresh as a daisy in his heeling. Since you were my last year’s vote for jobber of the year, I certainly respect your opinion about that category. Who grabs your vote this time?
Bard: You can do anything you want, but I have to think Kayden might not take it kindly, getting a jobber of the year vote from you. Which, frankly, could set up a sensational grudge match that I’d love to see between you and him.
Drake: (laughing) Seriously though, it’s almost a tie between Chet and Ty, but I think Ty edges him out strictly for going full monty. Just barely though.
Ty Alexander – Top Jobber of 2015?
Bard: I think I’d also throw my vote Ty’s way this year. Richie speaks to my crotch as a close 2nd place, though. For debut of the year I’ve got to go with big Biff for all the reasons we’ve already talked about. I think Van Skyler could be a majorly hot commodity in the coming year, but for who made the biggest splash, I just don’t think it gets bigger than big, bulging, beautiful beefcake Biff. You going with Chet on this one?
Drake: I think it’s a virtual tie. I love the hurting Biff put on Joe, but I also love Chet’s sweet, sweet suffering. I don’t know. This is a hard one for me. I might have to use both email addresses (laughing). Van is someone I definitely can see wrestling his way into my heart with those rugged good looks (sigh).
Bard: What are your thoughts about who would get your vote this year for best abs in competition?
Bard: You are correct. Jonny Firestorm’s impressive excitement in wrestling his fanboy crush, Christopher Bruce, is compelling. But then Pete shows up and blocks out the sun with that gargantuan mountain in his pouch. Who’s your leading contender for Best Butt?
Drake: I think I’m not the only one who was pissed off last year when Cameron pulled off the upset for best ass. That throne has always and will always belong to Kid Karisma in my heart. His ass is so perfect, round and juicy. I just want to bury my face in it. But Cameron and Austin definitely deserve nominations
Bard: Kid Karisma and Cameron Matthews have been duking out this category for years now. I’m completely with you in being seriously surprised that Cameron took the title away from Kid K last year. I think that Van Skyler’s muscled cheeks bring something new and seriously competitive to the table this year, but I have to agree with you. Kid Karisma’s ass is pure gold. Do you need a minute to unbury your face from Kid K’s juicy glutes, or can I ask you about the highly controversial Best Body category?
Kid Karisma – Best Butt of 2015?
Drake: What I wouldn’t give to have the chance to bury my face in his glutes. It’s just such a work of art. I think we know where you stand on Best Bod…
Kid Karisma – Best Body of 2015?
Bard: I’m continuing my campaign from last year, arguing that Kid Karisma has, hands down, the finest body in wrestling these days. You?
Drake: For me it’s kind of a crowded field. We have the return of the ridiculously shredded and acrobatic MJ Vergara. There’s my penultimate favorite of Chace LaChance who won my vote last year (although that might have been influenced by just how viciously his centerfold spread in a Florida magazine seized my balls). Flash looks fucking fantastic and has won my worship this year, after years of despising him. You also have Logan Vaughn who I think has brought this fucking fight to a standstill with those gargantuan legs, and then you’ve got past favorites like Yawn Dumont and ZzzMan, oh, oh and Rio.
Bard: Yawn Dumont!? As the president of the Lon Dumont fan club, let me just say you’d draw blood bumping against his razor sharp cuts, Cheshire Cat.
Drake: Come on! That was fucking clever and you know it!
Bard: I concede how clever you think you are. If there were a category for best legs (and fuck, why is there not!?), Logan would own it now and always. You seem undecided with Best Body this year, but I suspect I know which match you think was Sexiest.
Bard: Credit where credit is due, X-Fights 39 was smoking hot. I have to give it to you, I put it in my first place position as well, followed by Trey & Logan. My third choice would be Kayden and Leo’s match. Wow, wow, wow.
Drake: It was pretty hot watching Kayden munch on Leo’s ass
Janus vs Hammer in Matmen 25 – Best Mat Match of 2015?
Drake: I love me some Andy Hammer, and I’m an admitted Janus fanboy, but besides the obvious choice in my match with Ponce, the only real contender I see is coming from Karisma and Marco in Undagear 23. That was a spectacularly sexy little mat rumble. I mean, they’re shorter dudes so they’ve got that sexy, compact, bite-size musclehunk thing going on, and just watching them wrap each other up in that sexy, sinewy hardness…mmm baby!
Bard: Seeing sensational Marco go full monty and give a sweaty flex show in humiliating defeat was a huge highlight of this year. I concur: Mmmmm baby. There were lots of ring matches this year to choose from. Which gets your vote for the best?
Bard: It’s a complete toss up for me between The Comeback & Trey & Logan’s Florida Fight. Both were hot ring battles, and both pushed me way over the edge.
Drake: Oh, don’t get me wrong, I loved Trey versus Logan, but I just think in terms of pure ring skill and talent, I gotta go with the examples I gave. And I’m so ashamed that this keeps happening, but… Barefoot Babyfaces with Blaine and Cameron. Can we just…give them all of the awards that I’m not qualified for?
Bard: You are such a fanboy!
Drake: I mean, seriously, this match touched sooooo many of my buttons. I seriously have not felt this way about a match since I was introduced to BG thru Nick Archer versus Josh Avery. I think that’s why it keeps missing notice when we talk about this stuff, because it’s completely transcended this year for me. Instant classic. I fucking love it.
Bard: Wow! That’s as unqualified an endorsement as I’ve ever heard.
Drake: Unqualified? Then why the hell did you ask me for my opinion on this shit?
Bard: Don’t take offense, Drake. Fuck, your fuse is short. Gotta get you back in the ring and light that thing again. Now, when it comes to Best Squash, as I mentioned, I really like Lane’s work all over luscious Richie Douglas, and Kid K’s handling of Marco Carlow was definitely a squash. Where is your squash-loving eye drawn for the best squash?
Karisma vs Carlos in Undagear 23 – Best Squash of 2015?
Drake: While I very much enjoyed Flash’s beat downs of both Van and Biff, I think this one just plain belongs to Fan Fantasy 3 Guido and Chet.
Bard: Guido and Chet, definitely a sweet squash. So, you’re an insider, so perhaps you can clear up the next category from last year’s Besties. What are we voting on when it comes to “Best Submission?” I mean, there are matches nominated, but not specific submissions. What’s up with this, and who are you voting for this year?
Drake: I never knew for sure, but my suspicion is that maybe this started out as like a “Most Creative Submission” type thing when they were planning out some ultra-specific nomination? Or maybe it’s Best Submission Match? If it’s the latter than it would have to go to Jonny versus Stone in Submissions 10. Jonny is a master of the submission hold, as he comes up with shit on the spot and always executes the shit flawlessly. If we’re going by my original interpretation, then Blaine’s long corner turnbuckle headscissor, singlet bound, choke out of Cameron Matthews in Barefoot Babyfaces.
Blaine’s tied up headscissor on Cameron in Barefoot Babyfaces 2 – Best Submission of 2015?
Bard: I’ve been torn between those two possible interpretations. You are like a dog with a bone with the Barefoot Babyfaces, now aren’t you? I need no coaching when it comes to knowing what I like for Best Liplock. Unlike ring matches, there were precious few liplocks this year, and I’m bitter about that. But your make out with Steven Ponce and Kayden and Ty’s snogging session in Ring Releases 2 were sensational. What’s up with so few liplocks in 2015, do you think?
Drake: Yes, yes this match is criminally underseen and underdiscussed. And I totally agree the sexiness factor this year was about as scarce as ring matches were plentiful, which is crazy unfortunate. This year I think I’ll reclaim my title from my debut year.
Ponce versus Marcos in X-Fights 39 – Best Liplock of 2015?
Bard: I’m impressed with your dispassionate objectivity and understated restraint (sarcasm dripping).
Drake: Now as to why the liplocks are so few, I don’t know. That’s also another area of speculation. Maybe the fans wanted to see more wrestling and less porn this year? I do know that there’s a long, arduous process that goes into putting a catalog together, and when combining fans’ wants with personal professional choices, something has to give. We had a LOT of stellar and new talent this year, and there’s a ton of sexy muscle to sink our teeth into, so who knows?
Bard: So, the final category is 2015’s Best Match. I’m waiting in suspense as to whether you’ll pick your own match or Barefoot Babyfaces.
Vaughn vs Dixon in Florida Fight 5 – Best Match of 2015?
Bard: You travel the high road!? Now that’s the first contender for biggest surprise of 2016. Anyhow, my short list also has The Comeback, Trey & Logan in Florida Fights 5, and, yes, your sexy, erotic sweat battle in X-Fights 39.
Or Ponce vs Marcos in X-Fights 39 – Best Match of 2015?
Drake: I mean, if I didn’t know just how amazing my match was then I’d say you’re just flattering me, but…
Bard: I’ve always been a major fan of your work, Drake. I particularly enjoy your weeping and gnashing of teeth when a blogger has you trussed up but good, but alas, that was 2014.
But that was 2014.
Drake: Yeah. It was. So shut up.
Bard: Never, buckaroo. Anyhow, this has been very illuminating. Based on our discussion, I’m going to go back and review some of these matches before the voting begins. Before we wrap up, any final details you care to give about what you see 2016 holding for you?
Drake: I see 2016 being a very productive year for me both on and off the mats. Blog updates, writing, wrestling…I’ve never really given anyone reason to follow my blog, so if you haven’t started following me, this is the year to do so.
Bard: You’re planning on updating your blog again?! This will be a banner year, now won’t it?
Drake: What does 2016 hold for you…besides your cumuppance at my hands?
Bard: I think this is going to be a great year for me. I’m looking for positive and exciting changes behind the scenes. I’m looking forward to writing more fiction, snagging more interviews, and once I’ve repeated my performance in our rematch, maybe I’ll do a little web redesign after choking the administrative passwords out of you for drakefuckingmarcos.
Drake: Ha! Look at you. You just wrote some fiction right there!
Bard: Only time will tell, Drake. It’s been a peculiar and perverse pleasure chatting with you, as always. I hope 2016 gives you everything you’ve got coming to you. And I mean that sincerely.
Drake: And you as well Bard. Always a pleasure…kinda.
Sidelineland 