Joe’s post this morning was serendipitous. As is so often the case, right about the time something occurs to me regarding homoerotic wrestling, Joe has just posted on the topic. In this case, I was even thinking of the phrase “cross-pollination,” as I reflected on the tempting allure of playing the game “what-if” with the chess pieces of homoerotic wrestlers from different production companies. Regular readers will be quick to point out that I’ve bemoaned too much of a good thing in the past. I’ve been quick to complain about “over-exposure” of wrestlers appearing everywhere at once, showing up simultaneously featured in new releases by competing productions. But if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: I see no virtue in constancy, and like so many great men before me, I’m willing to allow that my opinions on important subjects “evolve.” Whether today’s post is evolution or merely me reveling in my own self-contraditions, only time will tell. However here’s my theme for today, picking up on Joe’s introduction of the topic of cross-pollination: which brand-loyal (for now) homoerotic wrestlers would I most like to see matched up against each other in cross-production matches? Considering only the boys who I’ve only seen (or remember) wrestling for one and only one homoerotic wrestling company, here are the dream matches that are making me reconsider the moral good of cross-pollinating wrestlers.
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| Austin Wolf (6’4″, 235 lbs) v Diego Diaz (6’3″, 185 lbs) |
For example, my first pairing for this mental exercise is the hypothetical match that really started me down this path. Thunder’s Arena has a new stunningly handsome muscle giant by the name of Austin Wolf who grabs me with both hands and turns my crank hard! Wow, just… wow. His dismantling of fellow Thunder’s rookie Hooper absolutely enthralls me. It’s a catchweight scenario. Little Hoop is just fucked from the moment he walks on the mat and looks up, up, up at the bottom of Wolf’s chin towering over him. Wolf’s look completely delights me. A big, long, giant of a man who can pack on aesthetically luscious muscle mass is just priceless. And that’s when it hits me. Austin Wolf will never be fully realized in my mind until he climbs into the ring against BG East Latino beauty Diego Diaz. I have no idea what would happen next. Although essentially eye-to-eye, Diego is giving up a reported (but I’m skeptical) 50 pounds, though his conditioning looks far superior to Wolf’s. I have a hunch that Austin Wolf would not be tossing around Diego like a sack of potatoes!
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| Archer (5’9″, 150 lbs) v Michael Vineland (??) |
Another Thunder’s exclusive who demands a double-take from me everytime I run across an image of him is tatted young muscle stud,
Archer. This boy can sweat, and I could spend days studying every carved, cut muscle on his gorgeous body… with my tongue. I swear this kid does to me what
Brad Rochelle did to me the first time I saw him on the splash page of BG East. Fun and games and fratboy hijinks will surely keep me tuning in for more of Archer at Thunders, but holy hell in a hand basket, just imagine this mouthwatering kid climbing into the Pro Sex Fight ring with Can-Am exclusive,
Michael Vineland. There’s some inevitability about that match-up. For example, at some point devastatingly handsome Archer is going to be sniffing balls with his head trapped in a long, slow face-to-crotch headscissors between Michael’s incredibly huge quads. And there’s no way Archer won’t, at some point, be tied in the ropes in the corner and getting his sweat soaked muscles alternately stroked and pummeled, most likely with his cock and balls hanging out the front of his trunks. And sure, someone’s getting fucked, and most likely he’ll return the favor. But still, the journey along the way with these two would absolutely demand me pull my wallet out.
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| Victor Paz (6’2″, 172 lbs) v Jimmy Clay (??) |
Two more brand loyalists (as far as I know, please correct me if I’m wrong!) that I’d love, love, love to see “cross-pollinate” are BG East rookie
Victor Paz and Can-Am sex fighter,
Jimmy Clay. Jimmy talks a good game and has a lovely body, but he’s more pornboy than homoerotic wrestler. That fact is precisely what makes me absolutely ache to see him step onto the mat against laser-focused MMA hardbody, Victor. Jimmy would be all about the camera angles (which I’m not knocking him, mind you… a boy who thinks about precisely how sexy this will look on camera is golden in my book). He might get some early offense, locking up Victor in a sloppy headlock. But the shitstorm that would rage all over Jimmy’s fratboy porn-body for the next 45 minutes would be absolutely epic! Victor
nearly took down Eli Black with legitimate skill, stamina, and strength against
a wrestler who epitomizes all three of those! Poserboy Jimmy? Holy hell. But if anyone could grind his ass into Victor’s crotch and get a rise out of the stunning MMA stud, I’m betting Jimmy could make a mat loss turn into a win-win-win (that last win is for me and you) scenario with Victor.
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| Lon Dumont (5’7″, 150 lbs) v Coupe (6’1″, 215 lbs) |
BG East fixture,
Lon Dumont + Thunder’s Arena goofy boy:
Coupe = Match made in heaven. Both of these hardbodied hunks are competitive bodybuilders. They both inspire infinite wrestling fantasies that keep me sated in between actually watching their respective matches. Lon is not a man who suffers fools lightly, and Coupe, at least in the context of Thunder’s is the classic medieval fool: jokester, self-depracating, silly, out for a laugh. Now put these two great tastes together, preferably in the ring, and you’ve got muscle bashing beauty with stamina to keep wrestling for days and days! While Coupe is a half a foot taller and around 65 pounds heavier than Lon, there’s no way in hell that he’s coming out with any shred of dignity left. The relentless destruction Lon would rain down would be infinitely varied and delivered with the precision and perfection of a consummate professional. Exactly how it would go down, I’m not sure, but I strongly suspect 2 things: Coupe tied up in the ropes and Coupe balling like a baby.
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| Cratos (5’9″, 200 lbs) v Kid Karisma (5’8″, 170 lbs) |
My
reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month,
Cratos, looks incredibly familiar to me, but for the life of me I can’t place where I may have seen this hot and handsome hunk before. So as far as I know, he qualifies as a Thunder’s exclusive and eligible for this little game I’m playing today. What brand-loyal wrestler from another company would be my ideal to meet Cratos and do some cross-pollinating? I can’t think of a more perfect opponent for my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month than my
reigning overall favorite homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy, BG East’s exclusively,
Kid Karisma. I’m picturing Kid K welcoming Cratos to his first ring match. I’m also picturing Cratos totally indignant at the raging ego and contemptuous disdain that oozes from Kid K’s every pore. I’m also picturing this as a serious battle of muscle and determination. Details? I have no idea, which is what makes this such a fantastically provocative pairing. However, I have to believe, right near the end, we’d see the karismatic one’s crotch planted across Cratos lips. Prove me wrong, Cratos. Prove me wrong!
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| Tyrell Tomsen (5’11, 185 lbs) v Alexi Ivanov (6′, 170 lbs) |
The final pairing that occurred to me was BG East’s resident adonis, Tyrell Tomsen, facing the Russian battleboy, Rock Hard Wrestling’s exclusive, Alexi Ivanov. Again, both of these men rock me hard, although in different ways. Tyrell is just a fucking god, full stop. I think if I ever actually met this man in person, I’d melt away in a pool of mindless lust. Alexi, on the other hand, compels me from a different angle. He’s got a drive and personality that keep me tuning into watch him despite his lackluster performances thus far in the ring. There’s story in his eyes that begs for more definition and attention, and putting him in the ring with the chiseled muscle god Tyrell seems to me to be a beautiful intervention to aid Alexi’s full emergence into the world of homoerotic wrestling. Don’t even think this is anything but a rip ‘n’ strip match. And you know that lovely, rippled, lean Alexi is going to spend hours racked across Tyrell’s thigh in an OTK backbreaker (or 20). But possibly, just maybe, the divine beauty of Tyrell bashing him from corner to corner might just awaken within Alexi the Drago-within, because you and I also know that this kid is a genetically engineered erotic-wrestling-sleeper-cell left over from the cold war and surely and inevitably designed to go nuts all over some entirely naked muscle boy (aka, Tyrell) and own his ebony body tied up in the ropes and tortured to exquisite perfection. I swear, that’s all inside Alexi’s hot-yet-wooden wrestling body, just waiting to explode all over Tyrell’s bulging pecs.
Who are the brand loyal battle boys you’d like to see cross-pollinate all over each other?
Sidelineland 