Charlie Evans – Page 3

Ginger Uprising

September 19, 2016 wrestlebard1 Comment

The second match in BG East’s Great Outdoors 2 is a battle to determine who is red-headedest of them all. “You want to take me on and see who the top ginger is?” Charlie Evans asks his challenger, Blaine Janus. “I don’t think this is going to be much of a contest,” Charlie smirks, saying exactly what I’m thinking. “Because you’re not a ginger.”

Although I’m technically a brunette, my Scottish forefathers gifted me with a pale complexion, a penchant for sunburns, excessive freckles, and copper red facial hair, so I feel like I have something to say on the subject of gingers. Like a Catherine Tate ginger liberation comedy sketch, there’s something simultaneously silly and serious about a proud identity statement as a red-head. So when Blaine Janus shows up claiming to be the epitome of ginger hotness, just like Charlie I’m thinking, “But Blaine isn’t ginger!” Dishwater blond, maybe. Strawberry blond if we really stretch things. But ginger? Please. That bitch tans.

You had a Top Ginger wrestling match and didn’t invite Kid Karisma!!!???

The second thought that runs through my mind as this battle to determine who is the top ginger at BG East is equally incredulous. Namely, where the fuck is Kid Karisma!? I think both Blaine and Charlie are playing with fire by seemingly ignoring my running favorite homoerotic wrestler and all around fantasy hunk muscleman red-headed bad boy, Kid K. I mean, he’s just over in the Gazebo, which can’t be more than 50 feet away! Blaine experienced the dangers of locking horns with Kid K in Gazebo Grapplers 16, and long story short, learned the hard way that Kid K can kick his ass. Charlie, on the other hand, has yet to face the karismatic one, and if ever there were a battle of the gingers, I think there may be no two better specimens of fire red-headed hotness. And, oh fuck, Charlie would get served up like bloody steak tartar (I’ll take an order of that, please).

However audacious the explicit stakes of this match, the second match in Great Outdoors 2 is crazy sexy, punching so many of my buttons that I lose count. To start with, the boys wrestle in jeans. Ohhhhh, fuck that sexy. I’ve had a special nitro button for wrestling in jeans every since I first saw Chip Slater and Jeff Kenny tear into one another in denim (and tear each other out of denim) in Matmen 13. Charlie and Blaine do the genre proud with full throttle aggression and serious pro wrestling moves, straining the seams of their Levis. Charlie is a pale vision of white hot sexiness in his jeans as he’s pounded down hard in an OTK breakbreaker. For my tastes, the jeans come off way too early, frankly. I love the sense of impatience implied by the boys ripping into each other before they bother with stripping down to gear with better range of motion. It’s impulsive and rash and aching for the fight.

While not a squash, Charlie takes the blunt end of the stick throughout about three quarters of the contest. There’s something achingly vulnerable about the super flyweight brawler that makes it look like fate when a bigger opponent like Blaine absolutely muscle bullies him all over the place. The sexiest hold for my tastes in this match is the repeated variations on bearhugs that Blaine locks Charlie up in over and over. Most notably is the incredibly delicious hammerlock bearhug, with Blaine just needing one hand to lock his opponent’s wrists behind his back (so fucking vulnerable!). With his free hand, Blaine aggressively grabs Charlie by the chin and locks lips. I swoon. Fuck, that is so sexy.

The lip locks fly free, which is another favorite element put to fantastic use in this match. The red-headed contenders are into each other early and often. I LOVE seeing Ever Ready bunny Charlie macking like a player and sucking face hard and enthusiastically. When Blaine takes the first submission, forcing Charlie to kiss his biceps, then his lips, Charlie throws himself into the task with abandon. He’s so damn eager. So hungry. There’s moment there when Blaine is grinning ear to ear getting so fiercely muscle worshipped and sexed up good by the randy flyweight that I think this wrestling match is about to fly way off the rails and the boys are just going to rip off their trunks and fuck. Frankly, I think Blaine thinks that too, by the look of total shock on his face when Charlie suddenly spins behind him and locks on sensationally vicious neck crank.

Blaine’s erotic offense turned against him

While I think the element of Charlie Evans as a sly seducer is solid gold, Blaine is pissed. I mean, once he submits (because he left himself so completely compromised by the erotic offense of Mr. Gingersnap), he goes on a raging rampage. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Charlie hold up his hands pleadingly, “I feel like I took advantage of you.” The devilish grin across his face sort of undermines the sincerity of the apology. “No one does that to me!” Blaine growls furiously. “No one seduces me! I do the seducing!”

“No one seduces me! I do the seducing!!!”

It’s about time someone successfully turned those tables on the strawberry blond Canuck. Rafael Valmor nearly pulled off the seduction submission on Blaine way back in Undagear 18, but Charlie is apparently the first to pop Blaine’s cherry when it comes to wearing him down with a debilitating erotic offense. I think it’s the ginger factor. Who can withstand a hot, red-headed liplock?

The rest of the match is total hell for poor Charlie. Blaine throws his lovely ass all over the place, slamming him down, dragging him back up by pec claws, then slamming him back down again. It’s a little intoxicating watching the momentum an opponent can work up on little Charlie. More closely matched bodies just couldn’t pull off the incredible bullying and breathtaking power moves that Blaine works on Charlie, at least not with this pace and persistence. Those magnificent bearhugs just make me lightheaded. Traditional. Reverse. Inverted. Inverted reverse. With and without hammerlocks. With and without liplocks. I don’t think I’m reading into things when I say that it’s the reverse bearhugs that Blaine seems to like best, planting Charlie’s ass right on top of that swelling Canuck cock and jerking and shaking him mercilessly. “Just like Raggedy Ann!” Blaine laughs, invoking still another ginger icon.

There’s a climax, namely Charlie obediently gasping out the reply “Blaine, Blaine, Blaine” when the Canuck has the rake handle pressed across his windpipe and demands to know, “Who’s the real ginger!?” But then there’s this tantric multiple climax, as Blaine delights in sleepering his flyweight play toy out cold, only to rouse him with increasingly erotic alarm clocks. Kisses wake Charlie up first. Fuck, what a way to wake up! When he’s put out again, it’s a schoolboy pin with Blaine’s bulging crotch slapping him in the face that startles Charlie to consciousness. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what a way to wake up!

Sweet heat throughout this match. Charlie is a revelation, bringing the seduction and attitude that make me believe boys are going to line up to beat his lovely, lean rookie ass. Blaine is his typical intense self, which is always sexy. There’s something about his look that seems different to me, though. Honestly, I don’t think I would have recognized him if his name wasn’t on the DVD cover, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. He’s about the same build. We’ve seen him leaner and harder, but he’s a sexy, sultry handful (as evidenced by Charlie’s enthusiastic body worship moments). But. What? I’m just not sure what it is that doesn’t come across as Blaine’s typical hot, deceptively pretty self.

Charlie weaves ginger magic worshipping Blaine’s body

In any case, jeans, liplocks, erotic offense, and sensationally hot, climactic mat wrestling make this a hit for me. And please, please someone get me an invitation to the next erotic ginger Wrestlefest in which Charlie, Blaine and Kid Karisma go all out in a three-way ring battle. The Scot in me is already fully erect in anticipation.

Look at the marks on Charlie’s back? Now THERE’S a real ginger!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

July 17, 2016 wrestlebard14 Comments

Perusing the list of June new releases in homoerotic wrestling, I was seriously torn as to who I wanted to pick for homoerotic wrestler of the month. Honestly, I was agonizing about this choice way, way more than a totally subjective, ultimately meaningless recognition like this deserves. I was charmed and turned on by so many wrestling hunks in June. There were so many former HWOTM title holders in the mix, it was guaranteed to be a tough call. But then, finally, a comment on this blog brought it all into focus for me. Someone complained that, in his opinion, I focus far too much on twinks. In fact, if I keep focusing so much on twinks, this commentator warned that he may have to stop reading neverland. Twinks, twinks, twinks, just too many twinks. And then my choice for homoerotic wrestler of the month came into crystal clear focus. My homoerotic wrestler of the month for June 2016 is…

Charlie Evans

Christian Taylor

Chase Addams

Ty Alexander

… Charlie Evans, Christian Taylor, Chase Addams, and Ty Alexander.

1148_lg — A fun time had by (nearly) all!

As I’ve mentioned several times, these 4 gorgeous wrestlers put together a sensational tag team drama in BG East’s Tag Team Torture 19 that simultaneously tickled my funny bone and turned me on. They successfully construct a compelling drama rife with extravagant attitude and sweet suspense. I doubt that any of these 4 handsome studs were born when I was watching the loud, larger than life, character-driven pro wrestling of indy pro wrestling in the 1980s. Yet, somehow their tag team showdown grabbed precisely that nostalgia and wedded it seamlessly with 2016 sensibilities and technology. While my choice may irk each and every one of these fine specimens (it is hard to imagine Ty Alexander “sharing” anything at all, isn’t it?), I honestly couldn’t isolate any one performance in TTT19 as the pivotal, standout contribution to this pivotal, standout ensemble. Only twice before have I named more than one hunk as HWOTM, and never have I named as many as 4 co-title winners. But I’m feeling really, really good about this decision. So if you’re tired of me getting off on adorable, lean, lithe, lickably sweet twinks, pucker up and kiss my ass, because I’m lauding 4 of them.

One of the two newbies in the quartet of HWOTM winners, ginger house-on-fire Charlie Evans earned his spot on the dais based on several factors. First, his opening handstand headscissors snap mare is a work of art. It’s acrobatic and extravagant and incredibly confident. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before in a homoerotic wrestling match, and I’m crazy hot for a newbie who pulls off high quality, high impact innovation right out of the gate. And then when Charlie weathers a boatload of double-team brutality from Team Vanity, my admiration and crush on crushable Charlie steadily grows.

Frankly, I don’t really think of any of the other 3 winners this month as twinks, but Charlie? Of fuck, yes, I’d consider him an incredibly tasty twink morsel, and, clearly, I’m an unapologetic fan of Charlie’s smooth, lean body. Charlie embodies something delicately vulnerable, so lightweight that his opponents repeatedly manhandle him like a sack of potatoes. At 130 pounds, he simply doesn’t have the mass and thickness that most wrestlers use for leverage in the ring. But then again, Charlie appears made out of kevlar. Blow after blow, potentially crippling hold after hold, body slam after body slam, the ginger twink takes the hits and just keeps clawing his way back up for more. I expect big, big things out of lovely, little Charlie Evans, and I’ve got no qualms at all about him sitting his fine, fine ass on the throne as HWOTM.

Christian Taylor owns the ring like he owns the HWOTM title

Christian Taylor is no stranger to the HWOTM winner’s sash. In the current quartet of HWOTM winners, Christian represents the most BG East experience, though most of that has been on the mats rather than in the ring. He’s also a standout in the crowd, standing a full half a foot taller than Charlie and taller than both members of Team Vanity. Christian grabbed the reins in the HWOTM race right around the moment when he and Charlie have cleaned house in the opening minutes of the match, full of contempt for their selfie-obsessed opponents. They each grab one of their opponents’ mobile phones and populate the photo libraries of Ty and Chase with the All-Americans’ own handsome mugs. But then Christian takes it one step further, instructing Charlie to follow his lead in taking photos down the front of their own trunks to give the narcissists some humiliation to suck on later. Babyface dicks? Fuck yes, this is homoerotic wrestling done right!

Christian’s ripped torso takes my breath away. If pressed to apply a label, I’d put him securely in the “jock” category. He sexes up everything he touches, and if there’s one misstep in TTT19, it’s the absence of Christian’s signature move, a long, wet, soul sucking lip lock (like seriously, show Charlie some lovin’ for taking that beating solo!). But what Christian does bring is a body to die for, a face to launch a thousand ships, and sensationally sexy focus both dishing out and soaking up pro punishment. He deserved it the first time Christian earned the HWOTM title, and he abundantly earns it again.

Chase works that appendage protruding from between his legs like a pro!

Chase Addams is the other rookie debut in TTT19, and like I said to Chase, he looks damned seasoned in his first BG East match. It would be easy to get overshadowed being the tag team partner of Ty Alexander (I think we can all agree on that, can’t we?). However, Chase carves out plenty of ring space all his own, both working independently and working off of the Trophy Boy. Chase’s full-throated commitment to his half of Team Vanity’s narcissist-off-the-rails narrative is outstanding. In the opening moments of this match, I was worried that the sexy newbie would be all flash and no go. Then he gets his turn sinking his claws deep into his babyface opponents, and… oh, fuck, no, he’s got plenty of go.

Call it what you will, this is sensational pro wrestling punishment!

But it’s Chase’s chickenwing suspended backbreaker (or, what? fuck I haven’t seen anything quite like this before) on Christian that finally convinces me that Chase is the real deal. The precision and execution of this hold is incredible. Is Chase a twink, however? I’m not really sure what silo to throw him into. He’s got a little too much muscle, and he’s way too much of a badass for me to think of him as a twink. He’s not hard enough, probably not yet toned enough to fit neatly in the jock category. He is pretty, though, and effortlessly sexy. I’d do body shots off his salted nipples in a heartbeat. So I’m fine with Chase without, as yet, possessing a label, but if you need something to call him, just call him homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Finally, there’s Trohpy Boy Ty Alexander rounding out this foursome. This is Ty’s second drink at the HWOTM watering hole. And in TTT19, he is the “Ty-est” he’s ever been. There’s always been at least a glimpse of a narcissist in Ty’s wrestling resume, but he showed up for TTT19 in full bloom. He’s self-obsessed, raunchy, rowdy, and vicious as hell. There’s something quintessentially “Ty” about leaving your trunks pulled down your thonged asscheeks for nearly the entire match, for the sole reason that you possess Ty’s bronzed bubble butt. The Team Vanity versus the All-Americans stage dressing on TTT19 would have fundamentally fallen short if Ty had been any less extreme, any less over the top. And this is not a failure, by any means.

And let’s be clear, I think Ty’s got a hot body (if you aren’t convinced, just ask him). Just like the evolution of his dangerously skilled narcissist character, Ty’s been beefing up and presenting a fitter physique in each and every match. The unapologetic narcissist in pro wrestling is pretty much guaranteed, almost by definition, to generate its own contrapuntal. Ty titillates and provokes in ways that are deceptively and carefully calculated. If you already think Ty is a hot piece of ass, then I need not argue the point further. However, if Ty irritates you, if he sort of pisses you off, if you find yourself filled with contempt for him, thinking out loud that he’s just not as hot as he thinks he is, and if, in response, you find yourself wanting to see his Trophy Boy ass beaten and humiliated because he’s just too self-obsessed, too confident, too convinced of his devastating good looks, then, again I say, Ty has done his job. That’s what pro wrestling narcissists do, they provoke you into crushing on them or aching to see them get their asses beat, which Ty does better than almost anyone. So, yeah, love him or hate him, Ty’s a chart topper and provides absolutely essential ingredients to TTT19 that earn him his full share of the HWOTM title.

So it’s an unconventional choice, but as I’ve explained often, it’s my choice. I know what I like, and that’s all this blog has been about for over seven years. You may have made a different choice, and you’re welcome to start your own blog and do just that, but here, and now, I’m more than satisfied with selecting 4 lovely, lithe, lean, handsome, delicious young studs as co-winners of the title of HWOTM for June 2016.

June 2016 Homoerotic Wrestlers of the Month: Christian Taylor, Charlie Evans, Ty Alexander, and Chase Addams

Selfies, Lies, and Videotape

June 24, 2016 wrestlebard9 Comments

It seems like several of us bloggers have been anxious for some satisfying tag team wrestling. Count this as the third of, thus far, three reviews that I’m aware of the first match in BG East’s Tag Team Torture 19. Joe published a straightforward match summary that catches the spirit and pace of the match. Like Joe, the antics had me laughing at times, though it seems as though the match may have stroked my kink a little more successfully than it did Joe’s. Alex was actually first out of the gate with an insightful review of the same bout. As Alex points out, this is a classically crafted tag team match full of respect and full throttle enthusiasm for old school tag team melodrama. I whole heartedly agree. It’s over-the-top, character-driven pro wrestling action, but over-the-top only as far as classic pro tag team wrestling (think at least 30 years ago) was over-the-top. So often, homoerotic wrestling products succeed precisely by bringing the camera in close and documenting the humanity (and obvious erotic text/sub-text) of pro wrestling in intimate detail. TTT19 pans back, paints with a broad brush, and successfully conveys a pro wrestling narrative that’s larger than life and perfectly on pitch for conveying heroes and villains, inflated egos and strained alliances, astonishingly high quality wrestling finesse and blunt force trauma.

Ring veterans Ty Alexander and Christian Taylor sell

First, let me give a nod to veterans in the ring. Both Christian Taylor and Ty Alexander have possessed the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month here at neverland in the past, and they both have earned a huge fan following. Ty is, over time, crystalizing into his truest self, I think, with TTT19 documenting his deepest, darkest descent to date into dangerous, raging, psychopathological self-infatuation. And Christian clearly stores a secret portrait of himself in the attic, because he is somehow fitter, younger, and prettier than ever (despite my being assured by insiders that this match was very recently shot). Ty does heel jobber to perfection, and Christian is the quintessential hot, hardworking, never say die babyface veteran.

Pairing each of these veterans with a fresh, raw newbie was a stroke of genius. To start with, I’ve had my eye on Charlie Evans for about 8 months, since first catching sight of him at MDW. In TTT19, he’s a fantastic sidekick to his superheroic partner. About 80% of the time, wearing stars and stripes gear is a very bad omen for BG East wrestlers, but there’s a cocky irreverence about the All-Americans that keeps me on the hook. The good guys start the action by interrupting their opponents’ endless selfie obsession and delivering a beautifully synchronized beatdown on the badboys (an extremely cathartic moment for me, frankly). But then I literally stand up and cheer when bantam weight Charlie executes a handstand monkey flip, flinging a stunned Trophy Boy out of the corner and instantly into Christian’s waiting crotch-ripping spladle. This is NOT going to be a flat-footed pushing and shoving match. This is fucking serious pro wrestling!

Ty’s newbie partner, Chase Addams, has also instantly put me on the hook. I despise him (in a good way) before he even climbs into the ring. The smirk. The duck face. That fucking annoying headband. Within about 8 seconds of showing up on camera, he’s completely embodied the rash, cocky, unsportsmanlike pro wrestling heel he is. His trash talk and running commentary nearly steal the entire show for me. The match pivots on Chase’s quick wit and character flaws, like when Team Vanity is isolating and working the fuck out of each of their opponents in turn, with Ty bearing down big time on Christian with a gorgeous dragon sleeper. Ty shouts over his shoulder to make sure that his rookie partner is documenting this magnificent moment on his cell phone camera, but Chase is busy adoring his own handsome face staring back at him instead. It’s also Chase who kicks off the sexy-as-hell device of demanding, mid-submission hold, to hear from his opponent whose submission hold hurts worse, his or Ty’s. I don’t know where Charming Chase came from or what pro wrestling school he purportedly graduated from, but he’s emerged as a fully formed pro wrestler who can pace a complicated match with impressive acumen.

Chase cranks up the pressure (in my crotch)

Lest I make this match sound too, too straight, let me also say that both newbies in TTT19 are cranking my engine with both hands. There’s something sort of elven about Charming Chase, sort of kick-ass pretty, like Legolas ripping off his clothes and pumping out a most muscular to intimidate a foe. He’s lean and fit, but not whittled or swoll. On the one hand, I could picture some of the seriously big boys at BG East snapping the Charming One like a twig, but on the other hand, there’s a hard core center to Chase that makes me equally able to picture him cheating and stealing and clawing the fuck out of a big, muscle daddy’s balls to level the playing field. Like I said, that smirking, sneering, self-obsessed attitude makes me fucking hate this kid with relish, AND I’m pounding 5 or 6 out dedicated especially to him before I’m all done with this DVD.

My physical arousal for Charlie Evans takes me just a little by surprise. He’s so insanely lean, absolutely whittled down to an anatomy chart with a shock of ginger hair. I frequently key off on wrestlers with more mass, usually more muscle size, sometimes just more size overall, but Charlie carved out his own space in my wrestling lusts. I momentarily worry for the bantam weight when Team Vanity is double teaming the shit out of him. There’s a delicate veneer on Charlie that looks like it very well could shatter, strung up in that tree of woe with Ty’s knee grinding the Trophy Boy’s entire bodyweight down into Charlie’s balls. But the ginger babyface sucks down the punishment like it’s Diet Coke on ice. Screaming, sure, but the gritty undercoat on Charlie turns me on hard as I slowly grow to trust that those ultra lean limbs aren’t going to snap under his opponent’s assault. He’s also got a seriously above average ass on that lean, lean frame. And when he gets just a little giddy with the thrill of reigning down punishment on his narcissistic opponents, damn, I’m nursing a major hard on and just a little bit of a crush.

Double Armbar Suspended Backbreaker? I just call this sexy as fuck!

Alex and Joe have done a great job of outlining what this match attempts and accomplishes, so I’ll just call out a couple more moments that stick with me and make me enjoy this match so much. I don’t know if it a”double armbar suspended backbreaker” is the most poetic way to describe the hold that Chase wraps Christian up in, but whatever the fuck it is, it makes me gasp. Christian looks like a twist tie. There are about two dozen ways this sculpture could come crashing to the ground in a miserable heap, but it doesn’t, and Chase makes this work like a seasoned pro. And fuck, it looks like it hurts!

I also love, love, love this breed of All-American babyface heroes who despise their self-obsessed opponents just a tad more than they are devoted to following the rules. They signal their contempt very early, right after the opening salvo in which they slap Team Vanity down like bitches. Christian and Charlie high five each other for a job well done (thus far, at least), and they spontaneously peel out of their Stars and Stripes board shorts to battle the rest of the way in sensationally brief Stars and Stripes speedos. Why do they take their board shorts off? It isn’t really clear, but I read this moment as a direct challenge to the “pretty title” that Team Vanity seem to have already awarded themselves. Just to drive home the point, Charlie and Christian (the heroes, let me remind you), grab their opponents’ cell phones, tug at the top of their speedos, and take selfies of their own cocks, just to remind Chase and Ty after all is said and done just how much the All-Americans were packing in this match. It’s a similar vibe to the completely illicit double teaming that Christian and Charlie inflict on Ty, with a gorgeous face-to-crotch smothering headscissors by Christian with a Boston crab chaser by Charlie just to make the humiliation and agony that much worse. It’s audacious. It’s rude. It’s completely gratuitous and self-congratulatory. And I could seriously back this brand of postmodern babyface heroes!

h0112_lg — Ty sucks on the pain and humiliation

There are just a few things that would have perfected this match that much more for me. For one, all those selfies… fuck, I’ve said it before and, sadly, I’ll probably say it again, publish those fuckers!!! And I’m not (just) talking about the cock shots of the All-Americans (though, yeah, that would be major value added). I think when they bring multi-media into the narrative, it would be so sweet to download those pics and make them part of the promotion. Dial up the immediacy and authenticity by sprinkling in some of those very shots of Chase and Ty duckfacing, of the All-Americans screaming in submission, of the ultimate losers flat out cold and helplessly documented.

Another missed opportunity here is that this is a Christian Taylor match with no kissing. Christian is the reigning kissing king at BG East, and I’m slightly bitter that all of the self-congratulations the All-Americans enjoy doesn’t include a liplock for lucky, lucky Charlie.

Regardless of what isn’t in this match, by the end of it all, I’m a little more infatuated with every single one of these battlers. I love the story, and I’m thrilled with the action. There’s an unapologetic and out loud vibe throughout the match, and I’m not just talking about Chase’s face getting shoved into his partner’s ass. These are 4 hot boys who convey a genuine love and respect for pro wrestling and gay fans. I can’t wait to see more of Charlie and Chase. I never fail to be entranced by Christian. And I love the ever growing dangerousness of the Ty that makes his Trophy Boy narcissism many times more multi-dimensional.

Chase gets manhandled by a BG East veteran

Boxes

June 20, 2016 wrestlebardLeave a comment

It’s taken a few weeks, but I’m thrilled to report that I’ve relocated chez Bard to greener pastures. My life is still mostly in boxes, but internet is up an running, so all is right with the world again. I’ve had the opportunity to watch just a little homoerotic wrestling during the transition, and I’ve got some exciting features and interviews in the pipeline. For today, though, I’ll just call out the eye catching new release teasers that have been making me salivate. As I’ve mused about before, there’s something a little magical about that liminal time between the first glimpse of marketing of new homoerotic wrestling matches and the moment of putting eyes on the product itself. I’m still consuming about 75% of my wrestling in DVD format, so that enticing moment of promise and anticipation can stretch at least a few days as the US Postal Service makes its way to my door (happily, that distance is considerably shorter for most of my favorite wrestling producers after this last move). Sometimes the marketing inspires my imagination in ways that the actual product never quite matches, but sometimes I’m particularly pleased to be caught by surprise, thrown a twist, or simply served up exactly the titillating, provocative wrestling fare that my heart desired. In the last couple of weeks, the following new releases have been tweaking my fantasies, and being between addresses has meant the opportunity to suck down that gratification has been even more delayed. What follows are the tried and true favorites of mine, and every match mentioned below features a hunk I’ve named homoerotic wrestler of the month in the past. I’m sure you’ll see reviews of at least some of these in the coming weeks as I settle into my new home and new routine, but for now, just the first glimpses catching my eye.

Christian Taylor and Charlie Evans tag up in Tag Team Torture 19

First of all, this tag team in the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19 is spinning me right round. I haven’t felt a good scratching of my ongoing itch for hot, erotic tag team wrestling in a long time, and the pairing of sensationally handsome and ripped veteran Christian Taylor (former homoerotic wrestler of the month around here) with lovely, lithe newbie and fan of neverland, Charlie Evans, could be just what the doctor ordered.

Team Vanity: Ty Alexander & Charlie Evans

Increasing my anticipation of this Tag Team Torture 19 match are Christian and Charlie’s opponents. Of course, I sit up and take notice when one of my boybanders, Ty Alexander, climbs into the ring, looking fitter and finer than ever. But his fan-turned-tag partner Chase Addams could very well need to join the band. Newbie heels are are a hard sell for me, though, so the jury is out as to whether the new kid’s marketed phenomenal attitude and ring skills will make me want to throw my underwear at him.

Matt Thrasher debuts as tag team partner for Brute Baynard

Sticking with TTT19 for just a tad longer, don’t think it escaped my notice that daddy-of-my-dreams and former HWOTM Matt Thrasher has made his BG East debut! I’ve fallen deep for daddy Matt since the first glimpse I got of him at MDW. I’m rigid with anticipation of what BGE might make of this salt and pepper muscleman.

Two boybanders in one match!? Ah, hell yes! You’d think Ring Releases 4 was a custom match I ordered, featuring my long time infatuation Drake Marcos and heel pup Kayden Keller. Drake keeps begging for another shot at taking me on in the ring, so I’m always keenly interested in watching the endless ways that his opponents break him apart piece by piece. I have high expectations that Kayden’s work here will be inspiring and devastating.

I’m also a Denny Cartier fanatic. I’ve named him homoerotic wrestler of the month at least twice that I can remember off the top of my head. There’s something raw and real about Denny, with a look that makes me weak in the knees and mat wrestling skills that bring me at full attention every fucking time. I don’t know if Chace LaChance is too much muscle and ego to handle, but damn, I’m eager to see Denny give it a go.

Also from Chace’s Spotlight, Jake Jenkins. Need I say more? I’ve been on team Jake from the start, and I’ve never failed to be fully satisfied and completely exhausted with every match I’ve seen of his. He has a dismal record in the BG East ring, making me worry about his prospects against Chace is this match, but his size and acrobatics combined with Chace’s muscle mass, leaves me anticipating a lot of gasping, awe and orgasms.

I’ve been off the Thunder’s Arena rotation for a while now, but the tempting teaser of another look at drop-dead gorgeous Eagle stomping the living shit out of Z-Man is one of a couple of strong motivators for climbing back into the arena again. Eagle was one of the rare newbies to convince me to make him homoerotic wrestler of the month, and I’m wanting to see what the sophomore year has in store for the beefcake.

The other motivator is the prospect of sampling Thunder’s new babyface bodybuilder Steel up against fitter than ever (how is that even possible!?) Marco, yet another HWOTM. Guys built as magnificently as Steel have a dismal track record when it comes to homoerotic wrestling, in my book at least. I still hold out hope for a second coming of Steve Sterling, a juicy, impeccably crafted bodybuilder who really takes to the genre with enthusiasm and promise. Even if he’s just eye candy, he’s in phenomenal hands in this match.

Can’t wait to dig in, and of course I’ll let you know what I think (as if you could stop me). It’ll probably still be a little while of unpacking and settling in before I hit my stride here again, but I’m looking forward to comparing notes with you soon.

Tug on Superman’s Cape

December 23, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

Damien Rush has never been less able to squeeze his bulging muscles inside this suit!

“Riddle me this, Super Stud: what is black and green and in your gut?” Simple, naive, gullible as shit Super Stud is stumped. He looks inward, trying to solve the riddle. Riddle Man relieves the suspense by driving his black and green walking stick viciously into the super hero’s rippled abs.

How in the fuck could adorable, skinny little red-headed rookie ~~Charlie Evans~~ Riddle Man possibly execute a salacious squash all over incredibly built, bigger and bigger every time we see him, ~~Damien Rush~~ Super Stud? A kryptonite plated walking stick, kiddies. That’s what levels the playing field, or, more accurately, levels the luscious man of steel, Super Stud.

Damien’s is big, but Charlie’s stick is bigger!

Muscle Domination Wrestling’s Super Men 4.4 is a perfect stocking stuffer for the homoerotic wrestling fan with a twink’s revenge fantasy deep inside. The contrast of skinny, snarling Charlie and magnificently muscled Damien is an enticing hook. Charlie’s green and orange tights hang loosely off his thin frame. This was also Bryce’s costume as Aqua Bryce, but I’m suspecting the Mastodon may have been the last MDW wrestler to squeeze is massive muscles into those tights before tossing them over to the lightweight rookie, because the ass sags halfway to Charlie’s knees without the prominent shelf and shapely glutes of the bigger boys at MDW to fill it out. In contrast, that same Super Stud suit we’ve seen Damien wear on multiple occasions has never fit tighter, never sucked into every crevice and stretch across so many mountainous bulges as it does in 4.4. Literally, Damien can no longer zip the lycra suit up all the way because his gargantuan shoulders and huge pecs can no longer be contained! There’s something extravagant and overcompensating about the suction packed super suit that makes the drapes and pleats of Charlie’s sagging tights seem somehow hungrier, more dangerous, more ripe with arousing potential for the brainiac high school nerd to get sweet, sweet satisfaction from the suffering letterman.

I’m sure I’m simply a sick puppy for getting turned on by the scene in Rob Zombie’s Halloween when the kid version of Michael Myers gets revenge for getting bullied at school by ambushing his bigger tormentor in the woods and beating the shit out of him (literally) with a tree branch. Yeah, that’s just fucked up, I realize, but I’m just being honest. I took my fair share of bullying torment as a skinny academic all star, so I’m sure it says everything about me that I’ve got a hair trigger for the twink’s revenge narrative in 4.4.

But unlike Michael Myers, Charlie Evans has more on his mind than homicidal brutality. He mercilessly taunts the bulging super hero as he pounds his kryptonited cane into Damien’s very prominent pouch. “I don’t think your super crotch here has seen enough action,” Charlie gloats. Not nearly satisfied enough, he dives in and wraps the fingers of his right hand around Damien’s mountainous crotch, squeezing, manipulating, crushing the nearly comically virile hunk into a writhing, impotent pile of meat.

Charlie lords it over his magnificently muscled prey.

Like the vicious twink avatar he is, Charlie doesn’t just drive home the blunt end of his walking stick, he drives him the utter humiliation that all those gorgeous, lovingly sculpted muscles are completely useless. The jock’s pride and joy, his never fail cocktease physique is laid to ruin by a lightweight 4 inches shorter and, according to their wrestler profiles, 70 pounds lighter.

Things to come, Super Stud. Things to come.

Things really start to turn sexy when Charlie pounds the end of his walking stick into Damien’s fabulously meaty glutes. “Time to soften you up before I get a little touchy-feely. I don’t know which is more fun,” Charlie chuckles. “Your front, or your back.” As I’m screaming at the screen “his ASS!!!” Charlie rolls the writhing hunk to his stomach and digs his fingertips into those meaty, shrink wrapped glutes. “I can work with this, I think,” Charlie says appreciatively. “This will be a lot of fun to play with!” He grabs both cheeks and shakes the meat enthusiastically. “I’m going to have a blast back here!” he promises.

“This will be a lot of fun to play with!”

“You might look pretty bad, but you feel pretty nice!” Charlie coos, getting good and handsy feeling up Damien’s sweetly suffering muscles. “You’re going to be my slave!” the twink on a rampage promises.

As is the norm at MDW, this is a squash, and other than ball claws, stomping, and assault with a blunt weapon, there’s not a strong reference to professional wrestling in the narrative. It’s a domination match, through and through, and setting my imagination into overdrive for what a skinny, horny, vengeful nerd might do with a battered, conquered, and sleepered jock tormentor at his mercy, Super Men 4.4 scratches an itch for me right. “And now you’re mine to play with…”

Ice & Fire

November 20, 2015November 20, 2015 wrestlebard2 Comments

Charlie Evans has got his eye on what fans want.

I’m always thrilled to hear from the men who inspire my wrestling fantasies, so count me titillated to have lovely newbie on the scene Charlie Evans reach out and touch me (metaphorically speaking). Noting my appeal to see some evidence of the Halloween hotness that wrestlers and wrestling fans get up to, the hot little red-head sent along some photos of his costume this year, making hearts beat faster as Iceman. Personally, I think it’s a crime against nature to disguise his shockingly sexy red hair, but I get the commitment to the character that led him to look like a brunette for the day. He assures me (because I quickly complained) that it was temporary.

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I do adore a hot wrestler who fully commits to his character. I’d like to know where one applies for the job of applying blue body paint across every inch of a game young stud like this. Next year, please keep in mind that I’ve got two free hands to rub in any thing you need. Fuck, I’ll devote more appendages than that to the job.

I consider superhero fetish as kink-adjacent to my deep, throbbing obsession with homoerotic wrestling. But the genres crossover frequently across many different platforms. Given that, can I suggest at hot vs. cold, rip ‘n’ strip battle of the elements between Charlie’s Iceman and Eye of the Cyclone’s fiery hunk hero Fireblade? Eye of the Cyclone’s profile of Fireblade describes him as cocky and self-confident, a bartender by day and a fame-hungry superhero by night (or is that reversed when your “day job” is bartending?). Fireblade’s hands burn fire hot, particularly when he stokes his engine with a tug at his crotch. Fire or ice? Iceman very well may have his hands more than full, and if I had to make a prediction, I’d say someone’s in serious danger of melting at the feet of his opponent. What do you think?

What’s Your Name, You Irish Fuck?!

November 11, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

Charlie — What’s your name, you Irish fuck!?

“What’s your name, you Irish fuck!?” Morgan Cruise asks precisely what’s on my mind as I queue up Muscle Domination Wrestling’s new rookie debut in the inaugural title Gorilla Press. The flaming red head with a handsome face is Charlie Evans. He’s mouthwateringly fresh from the meat counter, with his alabaster smooth skin that burns bright red like a relief map charting every stomp, slam, and squeeze that the Mastodon has in store for him.

Charlie14 — So much delusional newbie confidence nestled nice and tight between Morgan’s massive thighs.

In the first 45 seconds or so, the newbie is a smart ass, poking the big bear with a stick. He’s all bluster and false bravado, standing there dwarfed in the shadow of a massively beefed up Morgan. Morgan can’t quite believe the kid’s temerity. “Who have you even beaten?” the veteran demands to know where this lightweight gets the balls to predict he can upend one of MDW’s perpetual heels. “I haven’t beaten anybody yet,” Charlie has to admit, “but it’s going to happen!”

Charlie2 — Charlie Evans promises, “It’s going to happen!”

Morgan’s fans are treated to a shaggier, more lumbersexual version of the Mastodon than is typical. Sure, the title of the product comes from the four gorilla presses executed over the course of this match, but it could just as genuinely apply to the primal, unkempt, massively muscled and furry body of the heel here. He’s sporting a muscle belly and gargantuan thighs squeezed barely into a grey tights. The contrast with his achingly green opponent is astonishing, really. I’d venture to guess that Charlie’s waist is pretty damn close to the same circumference of just one of the Mastodon’s upper thighs. Charlie is so new he doesn’t have a wrestler profile on MDW yet, so I don’t know exactly what his proportions and vital stats are, but just eyeballing the situation, I’m guessing he’s giving away at least 35 pounds, despite being a couple inches taller than his charging opponent. Honestly, if he scored even one submission on the Mastodon, I’m pretty sure the earth might very well drop out of orbit and crash into the sun, for the seismic upset that would be.

Charlie3 — “You want to fuck around with me, boy!?”

As you might have noticed, the earth is still orbiting the sun. And this is MDW. Buckle up and prepare for a breath stealing 20 minutes of unremitting babyface beatdown. When Charlie has the audacity to suggest his biceps may be more impressive than Morgan’s (someone needs to do a mini-mental status exam on the kid, because that’s just fucking delusional), Morgan cannot believe his ears. “You want to fuck around with me, boy!?” he demands, instantly locking the newbie up in a full nelson and parading him helplessly around the ring. MDW has been shaking up their reputation as the squash factory lately, but this, my friends, is a complete and total squash.

But unlike many MDW matches, wrestling takes center stage. When it’s a Morgan match, wrestling fans will appreciate the attention to and breadth of wrestling drama. He introduces the red headed bon bon to surfboards, camel clutches, bearghugs, headscissors, and, yes, multiple gorilla presses. The plot development is less weighted to the psychological domination side of things that so many MDW matches rely on, and Morgan executes some sweet, high impact, breathtakingly painful-looking holds and maneuvers that make a wrestling kinked fan like me sit up and take notice. And alabaster angel Charlie Evans sucks on the agony long and hard, riding the terror like a trooper.

Charlie7 — Morgan pauses to stimulate the rookie’s virginal ass.

Two things stand out in this match for me. First, Morgan Cruise wants to fuck… that… ASS! I mean, so much of the homoerotic wrestling universe is relatively closeted itself, relying on innuendo and the imaginations of its audience to bring the eroticism to the table. Morgan is the most explicit I’ve seen him in a while in Gorilla Press, though, and his blunt aching to pound Charlie’s beautiful ass is like a cool, refreshing breeze. He rolls the kid up in a small package, virginal ass to the sky, and slowly pries apart Charlie’s long, smooth legs to expose the big, bouncing bulge the newbie is unsuccessfully smuggling in the front of his trunks. “I”m going to split you right in half and play with those fucking balls,” Morgan narrates as he does just that. First he grinds his boot hard into the newbie’s vulnerable testicles. Then he suddenly starts gently, seductively stroking Charlie’s balls and ass crack with the heel of his boot. Then suddenly he jams his heel hard one more time into rook’s testicles, eliciting a panicked scream of agony. Pain. Pleasure. Pain. It’s a recipe the Mastodon returns to over and over again in this match.

Charlie5 — “You know this ass is mine, don’t you?”

“You know that ass is mine, don’t you?” Morgan asks rhetorically, climbing on top of his battered opponent and stroking, then slapping, then kneading the kid’s beautiful butt cheeks. We’re treated to a fleeting glimpse of the lily white glutes when Morgan drags the rookie up off the mat by the back of his trunks and a handful of red curls. He pounds the kid, grinds him, slams him to the mat over and over. Then he crawls on top of Charlie’s back with a hungry smile, sliding his hips back and forth as he positions his crotch resting in the kid’s vulnerable crack, then flexes his ass cheeks as he locks on a deeply intimate full nelson. “You know, I may just take what I want right fucking now!”

Charlie10 — Panicked Charlie recalibrates what may be the best he can hope for.

In addition to Morgan’s entirely convincing desire (nay, plan) to claim fuck-stakes winner’s rights, the other delightful revelation in this match is Charlie’s sell. There was something deceptively disarming about the kid’s big, broad, bright smile on his handsome face in the opening seconds of this confrontation that makes the stark terror in his baby blue eyes that much more compelling throughout most of this match. When Morgan looks like he very well may twist the kid’s skull right off his spine, I swear you can read Charlie’s panicked thoughts telegraphed through his wide-eyed astonishment as his eyes dart from side to side, as if scanning the scene for any prayer that he’s going to survive.

Charlie11 — “There’s one more thing to be done before I have your mouth around my fucking cock!”

Near the end, when Morgan drags his helpless rookie ass off the mat again with a handful of those luxuriously thick red curls, Charlie’s pale white body, riddled with the hand and boot prints of his opponent in stark red relief, glistens in patches with Morgan’s sweat. As Morgan strokes and squeezes that rookie ass, you can watch Charlie renegotiate his bottom line best case scenario. First, he honestly thought he’d show some surprise rookie offense. When that clearly wasn’t going to happen, he thought he’d demonstrate his toughness by holding out against his opponent’s demands to submit. About halfway through the bout, when Charlie is screaming obedient submissions a fraction of a second after Morgan demands them, the rookie looks like he’s just holding onto a determined hope that he won’t be left so wasted that Morgan literally follows through on his promise to initiate him with a post-match fuck. Finally, at the end, I get the impression that Charlie just hopes his ass can take it.