Tag: Chris Cuomo

I’m Devastated… and You Should Be, Too

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It’s not right. IT’S NOT RIGHT! I don’t ask so much. Some gorgeous Italian hotness with my morning cup of tea, and I can face my day. But after a couple of weeks of vile, nasty speculation that George Stephanopoulos is replacing Diane Sawyer at Good Morning America (ahead of also-ran, my morning ray of sunshine, Chris Cuomo), now I get this devastating news: Chris is, indeed, leaving Good Morning America. Perez Hilton reports that it isn’t true, which is almost certain evidence that it is, in fact, true.

As I’ve mentioned, I don’t swear lightly. But, what the fuck. This profanity is a statement rather than a question, because I am resigned and bitter. Chris has twitted the implied confirmation that he’s leaving the show. Rumors still swirl that he may land on the anchorless ship that is 20/20 (airing at 10 pm on Fridays? seriously?). To pour salt in my wound, the corollary rumor is that JuJu Chang will take Chris’ place. I do not want to see JuJu Chang’s shirtless fishing pics.
Up is down. Good is bad. I’m adrift in the fog of confusion and disappointment that makes me question if my morning tea will ever taste as sweet. One thing is for sure: on the day that Chris is no longer playfully teasing his love-struck weatherman on my morning television, that’s the day I return to the Today Show to take solace in the furry chest of Matt Lauer. But it’s just not the same.

Gratitude

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On a day set aside for giving thanks, I’m counting my blessings. I’m thankful for this bizarre discipline I accepted for myself to write this blog and publish some of my fiction online. It’s a vulnerable, annoying, enriching and rewarding endeavor.

I’m thankful for ring rookies David Taylor, Tyrell Tomsen, Kid Karisma and Rio Garza who’ve climbed into the ring in the past several months and laid claim to my imagination. For their poundable pecs and astounding asses, for their breathtaking biceps and crushing quads (and BG East’s generous permission to post their photos), I’m truly grateful. And for David and Tyrell’s phenomenal phalluses, I can’t say how happy they make me.
I’m thankful this year that Mitch Colby likes, and likes to pound, men. For all his sweat-soaked suffering and his growing accomplishment at putting younger punks in their place, I’m filled with gratitude.
I’m thankful that Derek Da Silva read and got a kick out of my treatment of his wrestling performances. For his shout out, for the mindblowing tolerances of his fantastic body, and for the amazingly beautiful artistry of all those tatoos, I’m thankful.
I’m thankful that Chris Cuomo went fishing this summer and shared with his twitter fans the beauty of his shirtless body.
For Mehcad Brooks, a resident of Bon Temps for such a short time, baring his irresistible ass and being so generous with displaying his round, luscious pecs, I’m thankful. And for Alexander Skarsgård’s six foot, four inch Swedish gorgeousness, I’m grateful that his eternal character will be with us for more seasons to come.
Finally, for all the kind friends and gentle critics I’ve met online through this blog and my wrestling fiction, I’m thankful. I hope you all are surrounded by friendship and love today.

Come Sit Next to Me

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I’ve restrained myself from commenting on the DRAMA at GMA for two weeks. Those of you sick of me talking about it: tough crap. I know what I like when I see it, and I like seeing Chris Cuomo every weekday morning.

You know the line from Steel Magnolias… if you don’t have anything nice to say about somebody, come sit next to me. Well… anonymous GMA “staffers” last week were quoted as having suggested that Chris Cuomo’s interview with Chaz Bono (F-M trans guy who’s the son of Sonny Bono and Cher… keep up…) was something that George Stephanopoulos couldn’t pull off. You know I’m loving that trash talk! The Business Insider poo-poos the suggestion that George couldn’t let his hair down to have a meaningful on-air conversation with an F-M trans dude. I respectfully disagree (those assholes). George looks uncomfortable discussing merely domestic politics without mentioning geopolitical implications. Cooking with Emeril and talking hormone replacement with Chaz is not something that George is ever going to make entertaining. And besides, we need to think of Sam. I don’t think Sam Champion could emotionally cope with no longer picking out neckties for Chris in the morning.

Those assholes at The Daily Beast (nothing personal… I just get pissed when I get bad news) are reporting that the tide is turned and the GMA anchor spot is George’s. The Beast also says that Chris is running in second, and if negotiations with George fall through, Chris is likely to get tapped. So one of two things needs to happen now. 1) Something really, really bad needs to befall George (I’m not wishin’ it… I’m just saying…) that stunningly drops him out of the running (like he loses it on air and rubs Adam Lambert’s face in his crotch, say). Or 2), just as fine with me, something really, really fantastic needs to happen to George that makes the GMA anchor seat seem like chump change. Can someone please convince him to run for office, or give him the news that his wife going to have quintuplets… anything?
As I’ve mentioned, in my mind the most reasonable way to settle this ponderous decision is a no-holds barred battle royale. And since we’re discussing my mind, I’ve already written that story, and George is unceremoniously thrown over the top ropes, leaving Chris winded and coated in sweat, but indisputably the winner.
I like my drama better.

A Tall Stiff One

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Times a-wastin’, and we haven’t heard yet who’ll be replacing Diane Sawyer when she leaves Good Morning America in January. I know. I know. Some of you don’t give a damn. So write your own blog. I’ve got a dog in this fight, and his name is Chris Cuomo.

The astonishingly non-scientific-to-the-point-of-meaningless AOL poll on the subject asked readers who should succeed Sawyer. The AOL Television article reporting the chances of the contenders argues that George Stephanopoulos is “less stiff and easier on the eyes than Cuomo.” What… the… fuck? Excuse my language. I save up such words for only rare occasions of mind-boggling, inconceivable outrage. This, I assure you, is just such an occasion.
First of all, let’s start with the “less stiff.” Putting aside the adolescent jokes that spring to mind (as in, let me see both of them with stiffies and I’ll be the judge of that), let’s consider: D.C. George is never sans suit coat and tie. He’s nearly always sitting behind a desk, and when he’s not, he looks completely awkward, with his feet barely touching the floor in the lounge chair they use for interviews on GMA. I’m not a height queen by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m just sayin’… George straining to touch his tip-toes on the floor vs. Chris tearing out dry wall on a construction site. Whoever the hell said George is less stiff than Chris is smoking crack.
And speaking of smoking crack, let’s move on to the 2nd assertion that George is “easier on the eyes” than Chris. True confession: I was in love with George from his first press conference in the Clinton administration. I would have never left the balcony of my apartment if I’d lived with Rachel and Monica and could look into George’s window with binoculars. I would NOT kick him out of bed for leaving crumbs.

But let’s return to planet Earth here and reconsider the proposition that the 5’6″, 48 year old, skinny Greek is somehow easier on the eyes than the 6’3″, 39 year old Roman god who goes fishing shirtless. You knew I was going to bring up the fishing pics, so let’s just get on with it. I dare George to stand shirtless next to Chris, and let’s see if we can find anyone who could, in their wildest dreams, suggest that George is easier on the the eyes. Personally, I’d lick them both from head to toe (going slowly, particularly around the middle), but I’d start with the Greek appetizer before moving onto the the Italian entree’ that I’d be really waiting for.
Back to that astonishingly non-scientific-to-the-point-of-meaningless AOL poll. Despite the author’s assertion that the obvious choice is George, let’s re-examine the evidence. As Mediaite points out, AOL’s own poll shows Chris is the readers’ choice! Huffington Post’s poll agrees (thanks in part to me finding every computer I can sign onto so that I can register multiple votes). And in an entirely impartial contest in my wrestling fiction, George was suplexed over the top rope in a battle royale, leaving Chris to claim the anchor seat as his prize for beating his four challengers.

So the freakshow at AOL Television needs to print a retraction, and the puppet masters at ABC News need to do the right thing, the only thing, really, that makes a bit of sense: name Chris Cuomo the new co-anchor of GMA… and then send him on assignment to a nude beach, incognito.

Votes Needed

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I need help. Seriously, I know someone out there reads this blog. I never ask you for anything in return, now do I? But I’m asking. This is serious.

Huffington Post is running a poll regarding who should replace Diane Sawyer at Good Morning America. Generally I’m for democratic principles. But this is about Chris Cuomo, and in that case I am not above stuffing the ballot box.
The good news is that Chris is ranked #1 so far among the top 5 “candidates” being considered. The bad news is those bastards at city file are spreading the horrific rumor that Chris is slated to move to 20/20. I don’t know that even Chris could get me to tune in at 10 pm on a Friday evening to watch the snoozefest at 20/20. There MUST be a groundswell of mob rule demanding that he both stay on GMA and take the anchor seat.
Bizarrely, Cameron Mathison is #2, riding his qualifications as a former soap-opera star, Extra Entertainment “news” correspondent, and Dancing With The Stars flunky. Seriously, now. He’s gorgeous as hell, but one of these things is not like the others!
Speaking of the others, David Muir is ranked #3, as of my writing this. David is both competition for Chris in being an actual newsman and in sex appeal. David must be destroyed.
Bill Weir is ranked #4, where he should be. Bill is handsome and quick-witted, distinctly not as sexy as either Chris or David, but he’s been with ABC News for a while.
Shockingly, George Stephanopoulos is in last place. He filled in for Diane this morning, which is ominous (looks like GMA is taking the merchandise out for a test-drive). But why would George want the job? Face it, morning “news” programs in this country are only vaguely “news.” Seeing George ham it up with Jamie Oliver the Naked Chef over his recipe for pork loin just seems… well, demeaning for George Stephanopoulos. He should leave the demeaning fluff news (as in the anchor of GMA) to pretty boys who don’t mind. Like Chris Cuomo.

So I’m here to get out the vote. Vote now! Rank Chris #1. Then move to another computer and vote again.

Perhaps more importantly, I believe this is an absolutely perfect set-up for my wrestling fiction. I’m feeling a battle royale coming on. Five newsmen stripped to their trunks, last man standing in the ring gets the anchor chair. Hardbody Cameron has got to experience some fantastic suffering for presuming to get into the ring so completely outclassed. Okay, so the outcome may be a bit predictable, but I promise I’ll make it spicy!

Yes, But No

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Jon Stewart poked fun at Chris Cuomo for the mis-statement of “Sarah Palin’s” new book, Going Rogue. Johnny Wright at Yesbutnobutyes includes the clip and makes sarcastic comments at Chris’ expense, stating that Chris can’t read. Frankly, I’m not above poking some fun at Chris. I’ve rolled my eyes at his performance on GMA myself. But in this case, I must paraphrase Ellen Ripley when I say, “Get away from him, you bitches!”
Jon Stewart failed to show the whole clip, and Johnny Wright clearly didn’t care to do any actual fact-checking. As I worship at Chris’ feet every morning, I saw this gaff with my own two adoring eyes when it happened. And Chris immediately (and understandably defensively) showed his copy to Diane Sawyer who CONFIRMED that Chris read his copy as it was written! The gaff was the script writer’s, not the drop-dead gorgeous hunk of a man news reader who graduated from Yale! He didn’t “try to read the word rogue.” He correctly read the word “rouge.”
Now I must pick Johnny Wright up in my mechanical dock loader and blow his ass out the airlock (just like Ellen Ripley did to the wretched Alien at the end of Aliens).

I’ve got your back, Chris.

Nurse! I feel faint!

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While Chris Cuomo hasn’t shown up in my blog lately, he’s never far from my heart. Stunning news at ABC from the beginning of this month when they announced that Diane Sawyer will be leaving Good Morning America at the end of the year to become the sole news anchor for the evening news. Of course there’s that fascinating story that reflects on the fact that as of January, two of the three national evening news anchors will be women. Of course, that’s not the story I really care so much about.


I’m keeping my eye on the beautiful Italian with the curly hair and the massive hands who potentially likes to go commando. “Unnamed sources” (those bastards) have suggested that when Sawyer leaves the show at the end of the year, there will be a major shake up of the on screen ensemble. All I can say is keep your filthy hands off Chris Cuomo! (and place my worshipful hands on him). All this behind-camera drama is definitely calling for a new match in my wrestling fiction featuring Chris… perhaps defending his anchor seat against upstart A&F-looking skinny-stud David Muir.
Speaking of Chris Cuomo and hands, did you catch yesterday’s on screen vaccinations of the cast for the flu? It was another one of those unscripted moments that revealed so much about the morning newsboys. For example, it’s fascinating to know that Chris is versatile. “I can go either way,” he says proudly. Indeed, Chris. I’ve long suspected as much.
And as Chris rolls up the sleeve of his polo shirt, catch him just trying to restrain himself from flexing that massive bicep. Go ahead, Chris, flex. You know you want to. You know we want you to…
Adding to the sexual tension ALWAYS present between Chris and weatherman Sam Champion, when it’s Sam’s turn for his flu shot, he insists that Chris hold his hand. He even gives up the ruse, confessing it’s not that he’s afraid of the shot, he just wants Chris to hold his hand. Chris tries to play down the tension, rolling his eyes and remarking, “Another highpoint.” And once again I say, look at that massively mounded bicep! All right, already! We can all see what’s happening here! Just get a room and put Sam out of his misery!!! (and have someone take pictures… and send them to me).
So it isn’t always “news” on the morning news shows that matters, clearly (did you see the extensive segment on Simon Cowell turning 50?). I’m tuning in to catch my favorite Italian stallion occasionally flex his muscles and show some skin (thank God for flu season). Word to the wise over at ABC News, whatever you decide about replacing Diane Sawyer, leave Chris Cuomo on air! It wouldn’t hurt to put him in short sleeves more often, too. And an occasional segment that requires him to be in a swimsuit wouldn’t hurt either. I know I’ve posted this pic of Chris fishing before, but I just want to remind us all the raw talent that this man brings. David Muir’s in for a world of hurtin’…

What We See Every Day

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I’ve heard a theory that what we grow to lust after as adults is based on what was available during our sexual development in adolescence. In other words, I find wrestling homoerotic because, as an adolescent, wrestling was the only place that I saw scantily clad men in intimate physical contact. I don’t know if it’s true, but I could buy it. To paraphrase Clarice Starling, we covet what we see every day (that’s a creepy line in Silence of the Lambs, but I don’t mean it in a creepy way).

Perhaps that explains my lustful preoccupation with these gorgeous hunks who show up in my home every day – that is, the hunky newsmen on television. Every day, Chris Cuomo – in all his Italian hotness – shows up and smiles out from the TV. It also helps to make an object of lust out of him, knowing that underneath that suit and tie, he’s one stunningly muscled man. My God, look at those biceps and the vascularity in that deltoid!

Carter Evans does spots on some local news channels covering the NYSE in the mornings, so he’s also become a familiar hottie showing up in my living room regularly. Those dreamy, bedroom eyes and that adorably crooked nose propel him often into my lustful fantasies. We never get to see enough of these hunks to really satisfy (though thank God for fishing trips!), which is probably why the first wrestling fiction matches I wrote featured newsboys, stripping down to speedos and pounding on the beach in no-holds-barred competition. In fact, the first championship match in my wrestling fiction universe pitted Carter against Chris (you’ll have to sign up to find out who won).
Peter Alexander shows up less frequently in my living room. I’m busy coveting my time with Cuomo in the mornings, so I miss Peter’s occasional reports on the Today Show. But I once saw Peter working out at my gym when he was a local anchor many years ago. He was hot and sweaty and doing hack squats. A sexual fantasy star was born. Peter will have to show up soon in the battle of the newsmen in my wrestling fiction.
In any case, I think the world is full of beautiful men to fuel fantasies and bring smiles. From the hunky news anchor to the hot bike commuter with massive thighs stretching his bicycle shorts to their limit… from the tattooed produce guy at the grocery store to the shirtless jogger with bouncing pecs at the park. It’s a sexy, lustful, beautiful world, especially for a gay man with an active imagination.

Compulsory and Conspicuous

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This morning on Good Morning America we were reminded several times of how butch and heterosexual Chris Cuomo is. They stopped the show at the end of hour one for Chris to announce that he has successfully impregnated his wife for the third time. There was applause (really?). They also discussed at length People magazine’s upcoming “Broadcast Dad” article about what a devoted husband and father he is. He teared up waxing on about all the good things in his life that come from his wife. Then just to drive home the theme, they aired another installment in Cuomo’s provocative (and not-at-all-gratuitous) “Tough Jobs” series, showing him doing interior demolition swinging a crowbar and removing floor tiles with a power tool.
It’s all very subtle, and you have to read between the lines, but I think Chris Cuomo may, in fact, be straight. The clip of him holding the jackhammer between his legs as he removed floor tiles was almost reminiscent of gay porn, but all the clues together suggest heterosexuality. Notably, Sam Champion was off today, so perhaps they wanted to provide a counterpoint to Chris and Sam’s bromance without Sam around to break the mood by flirting with him.
Just for the record, despite my infatuation with the 6’2″, dark, handsome, curly-haired Italian hardbody attorney, I don’t actually think that his heterosexual bona fides are news. Frankly, I’d much prefer that he just look pretty, read the tele-prompter, and leave the rest to my imagination.

Newsboys

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As I’ve mentioned, adoring Chris Cuomo is a morning ritual for me. Last Monday, he bragged about catching a 25 pound fish over the weekend. This image from his Twit shows his shirtless moment of glory. Oh my God. Again, I say, Good Morning America, indeed!!!

Tracking news hunks is a hobby of mine. There are the obviously stunning newsboys, like Cuomo, Lauer, Cooper. There are the slightly less exposed objects of lust, like Marciano, & Engel. One of my wild card favorites is Carter Evans, who appears to be on the payroll at CNN, but also does remote coverage of Wall Street for local affiliates. The emphasis on making newsboys into hunks (vice versa, really), is probably bad news for journalism, but fantastic news for shallow gay men like me that tune in for the beefcake. Since we NEVER see enough of these fine looking men, I’ve written a whole wrestling division devoted just to them in my wrestling fiction.