Cleaning House – 2017

As you might have noticed, I did a little New Year’s house keeping around here. It used to be an annual tradition to change up the color palette and mess around with the formatting here and there. Living the mantra of “things need to change” in this new year, I returned to this annual ritual of rearranging the furniture.  My other annual tradition always used to be to author a brief piece of fiction about starting the New Year’s off right, in the way that only readers of neverland would appreciate. Reasserting my long held belief that the active use of imagination is our greatest, and perhaps only, weapon against being consumed by the Borg collective, here’s a little window into what keeps my eye on the homoerotic wrestling ball these nearly 8 years on.


Ringing in 2017

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting much this New Year’s Eve. After having just moved a few months ago, I wasn’t expecting much more than a few phone calls from friends in other time zones before I drank one too many Kentucky Mules and, most likely, passed out about 2 or so hours before the ball dropped. It’s not like I was planning a pity party, mind you, but holy shit, how my spirits lifted when I answered the knock at the door and found globetrotter Eliad on my front doorstep.

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Ellie said he ditched the party boys in Brazil just in time to catch a flight north and ring in the new year with me. He’s always been a doll. Not much of a planner, though. There he stood in subfreezing temperatures all done up in an impeccably tailored tux, with no overcoat. No hat. No gloves. His lush lower lip quivered a bit in the bitter cold. I almost hated to invite him, he was so fucking adorable shivering there on my doorstep. But I grabbed him by the top of his trousers and pulled him into my humble abode, hips first.

I offered Ellie a Kentucky Mule, but he asked for his bourbon neat. I asked if he wanted nosh, but he just silently shook his head and leaned in, those fucking sensational lips hovering inches in front of mine, that teasing grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. I asked what he did want, and he smiled even brighter, winked, and whispered, “Let’s wrestle.”

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He’d been talking about us wrestling for years now. In the beginning, I won’t lie, I was a little intimidated. Ellie’s about half a foot taller than I am, and he’s stacked like Jenga. He’s always been gorgeous, of course, but in the past couple of years, he’s managed to pack on about 15 pounds more of solid muscle while not adding a even a fraction onto his 29 inch waist. He could put a major hurt on a man. I knew he didn’t sincerely want to do me any permanent damage, of course, but a newbie grappler built like Wolverine and hopped up on his first erotic wrestling experience seemed like potentially dangerous territory.

But after a few months of Ellie talking about it, dropping it into conversation, clearly turning himself on by just the fantasy of it, I started to doubt it would ever actually happen. So I called his bluff. “Bring it, Ellie,” I’d tease him, knowing he’d have some excuse of producing a PAPA party on the other side of the globe. “Anytime, anywhere, big boy,” I’d taunt him when he brought it up again. I thought it might actually happen a couple of times when he was flying through the States. He’d stop by for a couple of days. He’d bring up the topic of wrestling. I’d remind him of my wrestling mat in the basement. And then he’d mention some pulled muscle he got from pushing too hard at the gym recently. I gave him a hard time for it, but honestly, he’s such a sweet heart. I didn’t push it.

But here we were, New Year’s Eve, and the hairy chested, babyface beast was ready to get it on. I had a hard on by the time I was dragging the wrestling mats out of the basement. Ellie had already shoved the living room furniture to the walls. I was unfolding the mats in the middle of the room, seriously distracted by watching him, staring at me, untying his bow tie. He unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his lush, bulging, hairy pecs. Fuck, this massive erection of mine was going to be seriously vulnerable on the mats.

I almost jumped when the doorbell rang. Oh, fuck! Not now! Ellie stopped unbuttoning his shirt and leaned against the arm of the couch. He looked a little impatient as he waited for me to get the door. I had a fleeting impulse to ignore the door, but then the doorbell rang five times in quick succession. My cock sagged with the sound of it.

I was ready to tell whatever new neighbor who’d decided to wait until New Year’s Eve to introduce themselves to go fuck off. I opened the door. And, oh. Fuck. It was Matt.

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I’d been harassing Matt for months to come see me, now that we live just a few hours apart. He’s nearly as busy as Ellie is, though. Our last Skype chat, I had specifically said, “Come by anytime at all.” Apparently, Matt had decided this was the time to surprise me with a visit.

He didn’t wait for me to invite him in. He just reached out, still wearing his big, puffy winter parka, and scooped me up in a hug. He gave me a big, lip glossed kiss with his cold lips. It was surprisingly tender for Matt. Until he abruptly hoisted me off my feet, and the hug turned into a bearhug. I arched backward, pressing  against his chest to try to pry his hands apart. He shook me side to side. I must have cried out in pain. Suddenly, I was dropped back to the floor, and a half second later Ellie violently shoved Matt’s back into the wall.

It was a slight train wreck. Matt was hurling a steady stream of profanities. Ellie probably was, as well, but my Hebrew sucks, so it’s hard to tell. Matt pushed himself away from the wall to get in Ellie’s face, but Ellie shoved him in the chest, hard, bashing him back into the wall. This was getting way out of hand, really, really quickly.

I managed to intervene after shouting them both down. I made the introductions and explained to Ellie that this was not a home invasion. This was, actually, one of Matt’s tamer greetings. They stared at each other a few long, pregnant seconds, listening to me, but ripping each other to shreds with their eyes. Finally, Ellie backed off and grinned half heartedly, offering to shake Matt’s hand.

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I wasn’t too surprised when Matt slapped Ellie’s hand away angrily. He was slowly cooling off, though. I explained that they’d both decided to surprise me with their visit. Matt was still giving Ellie a cool, calculating appraisal as he shrugged off his parka. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Of course. Still staring fixedly at Ellie, he bounced his meaty pecs.

I managed to corral both of my guests into the kitchen. I offered Matt food and drink. He took a couple shots of Bourbon straight from the bottle. When he asked what Ellie and I were up to this evening, I skipped a beat. With the tension already thick, I didn’t know if it was a good idea to bring it up, but Ellie growled, “Wrestling.”

The situation was rapidly spinning entirely out of my control, once again. The boys immediately headed to the living room, checking out the arrangements for the match Ellie and I were preparing for. Matt laughed in Ellie’s face, assuring him that I would kick his ass. I should have been flattered, but I could tell this wasn’t about me. Matt was determined to take this instant grudge with Ellie to the mat. I was a little more surprised that Ellie was so enthusiastically taking the bait. These beefcakes were going to wrestle each other, and, wait. What the fuck about me!?

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Like I said, this was well out of my control now. Ellie pulled his massive arms out of his tuxedo jacket and finished unbuttoning his shirt. They both took off their shoes and socks. Matt kept his sweat pants on, but Ellie unbuttoned and stepped out of his slacks. His hairy quads were bigger than I’ve ever seen them. His tighty whities stretched around his massive upper thighs and across his world class muscled glutes. He stood about 2 inches taller than Matt, but I’d guess they were about the same weight. Matt’s probably a little more thickly muscled, particularly in the upper body, but it’s all shades of gray. By the bulge swinging freely between his legs, outlined underneath his sweatpants, I was guessing Matt was going commando. Which, again, wouldn’t be a surprise. I sat down on the couch and just watched, momentarily distracted from that feeling of being left out.

They started circling one another. Matt feinted several times, mostly just to taunt and tease. To my surprise, Ellie read him like a book, dancing away gingerly but without taking any of the feints too seriously. When Matt finally made a serious stab at a single leg, Ellie hopped backward as he shoved downward on Matt’s back. Matt dropped to his stomach, and a half second later, Ellie was on top, spinning across his back and controlling his right arm.

Matt looked suddenly a whole lot more serious. He lunged upward to his knees, sliding Ellie off his back. But Ellie wrenched Matt’s right arm behind his back, cinching up the hammerlock with his right hand while wrapping his bulging left bicep across the front of Matt’s throat. Fuck me, I had no idea what I had been about to walk into. Ellie was fucking on it and in charge!

Matt lunged forward, flipping Ellie over his back and sending him skidding on his ass into my coffee table. Bless his heart, I think Ellie was trying to be careful not to break my table. Of course, in the mean time, Matt was grabbing him by the chin from behind and pulling him back to the center of the mat. He positioned his right knee in the center of Ellie’s muscled back and pulled with both hands on the chin lock, stretching Ellie’s neck backward at a sick angle. Ellie’s eyes popped open wide. He clawed at Matt’s fingers in a panic. I suspect this was a little more serious of a match than he was expecting to have tonight.

Just as Ellie seemed to be about to pry his opponent’s hands off of him, Matt windmilled his right fist and pounded it hard into Ellie’s right pec. Ellie’s eyes screwed shut in agony. I suspect the knee jabbing into his right lat was as injured as his pec. Matt swiftly grabbed Ellie’s wrists and pried them backward, folding Ellie’s massive back in half around his knee. Ellie’s huge, hairy pecs quivered, straining, looking for the world like they could snap apart at the seams. His jaw dropped open in a silent gasp.

Matt looked over at me and smiled. “Oh, Bard, this was going to be your New Year’s Eve fun?” He shook his head with contempt while leaning forward, giving Ellie a moment of relief before violently wrenching his arms backward even farther. “You are so fucking lucky I showed up to this party,” Matt smirked, winking at me. “Between the two of us, I think we can probably have a little fun with meat here.”

My cock was about to rip the crotch of my jeans open at the seams, so I not-so-discretely unbuttoned and unzipped to release the uncomfortable pressure. “Ooo, yeah,” Matt chuckled, “you like watching this pretty boy suffer, don’t you?”

Okay. On the one hand, fuck yes. Of course I was getting off on watching Ellie getting ripped apart. On the other hand, I was the one that was supposed to be doing the ripping. The snide smirk on Matt’s face as he watched me involuntarily grab hold of my raging hard on was pissing me off.

Clearly, the whole thing was pissing Ellie off, as well. With a primal growl, he suddenly thrust his hips upward and kicked hard. They both tumbled backward in a heap. Ellie swiftly spun around, in Matt’s guard, and pressed his left forearm across Matt’s throat. There was already a little sweat stain forming at the crack of Ellie’s ass. He was really leaning in, bearing down on the choke, when Matt’s ankles snapped together, his meaty thighs digging into Ellie’s sides. Ellie’s conditioning is superhuman, so I really expected him to hold out, but it took no more than about 4 seconds before he screamed. He rose up on his knees and desperately began to try to press Matt’s knees apart.

Now, I know those scissors. They cracked a rib of mine a couple of years ago. Matt is fucking vicious with that vice. But he isn’t always such a dick. For example, right there, with Ellie almost whimpering in pain, Matt laced his fingers behind his head and smiled up like, well, like a dick. “Cry for me, bitch!” he taunted. So fucking rude. So fucking hot.

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Ellie looked almost paralyzed by the pain digging into his sides. His neck arched backward, his eyes closed, he was clearly nearly at the breaking point. I was feeling bad for the stud. This wasn’t what he came here for. But then he drilled a thumping right jab into Matt’s lower abdomen, and I was feeling a lot less sorry for him.  Matt’s ankles popped apart. He was sucking on air, his jaw gaping open. Ellie’s superhuman conditioning roared to life, because he didn’t need even a second to recover. He grabbed Matt’s ankles and rolled the gasping hunk to his shoulders, folding Matt in half. Deftly, he swung around and kneeled over Matt’s face, his sweaty pouch swinging a couple of inches above Matt’s forehead. Ellie used his knees to pin Matt’s ankles to the mat, reached forward, and yanked Matt’s sweat pants down his legs. I was wrong. Matt was wearing a jock strap with a very roomy pouch to let his infamous anaconda swing freely.

I was lost for a moment in admiring Matt’s spectacular bubble butt when Ellie barked, “Count it!” It took me a couple of seconds to register what he was saying. Oh! He wanted me to play ref all of the sudden? Sure. I dropped to my hands and knees and slid a hand underneath the left side of Matt’s back, just to verify that he was squarely pinned. He was. One. Two. Three. I slapped down the count.

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Ellie hopped off and danced on the balls of his feet. He looked so damn proud! I felt like giving him a lollipop. Or a blow job. Right at that moment, he could have named his prize. But Matt was roaring to life, bitching like an ex-con sailor. He climbed to his feet and angrily yanked his sweatpants off. He was bitching at me about counting too fast. He was bitching at Ellie about cheating. Mostly, it was just a long string of profanities with no grammatical sense or point to them, other than to express the beefcake’s seriously bruised ego.

It isn’t like there was a bell to ring for round two. Matt just attacked. A shoulder block to Ellie’s sternum knocked the wind out of him. Matt just kept charging, lifting Ellie off his feet and slamming him into the wall. My original oil painting from a artist on the Olympic Peninsula shook off hits hook and crashed to the floor. Fuck, they were breaking my shit.

Ellie pounded down double fisted hammer blows into Matt’s broad back. Matt started to back off, but the second Ellie pulled himself away from the wall, Matt lunged forward again and scooped the 6′ muscle man up into a bearhug. This wasn’t like that playful bearhug he had me in at the front door.  I could tell that he was digging those fists deep into Ellie’s lower spine. Matt is incredibly strong. Trust me. I’m not surprised he was able to hang Ellie there for a few seconds, but Ellie is one solid slice of beef. Matt’s grip weakened and Ellie’s toes sagged back to the floor. Ellie was catching his breath, starting to try to squeeze his left hand inside the hug, when Matt grunted loudly, arched backward, and then turned Ellie in mid air, slamming his back to the mat loud enough that my floor boards creaked.

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Matt rolled up and placed his left knee on the side of Ellie’s face, pinning him there humiliatingly as he looked up at me with that shit eating grin and flexed a double bicep. I sat down on the couch again and grabbed my cock, again. Matt was doing this for me. That twinkle in his eye and that sneering upper lip said it all. This actually was about me. Matt was jealous of the attention I had been about to pay Ellie. Fuck, this was hot.

Ellie shoved Matt’s knee away and rolled up to his knees. Matt climbed to his feet, still showing off those gargantuan biceps, but now aiming the guns intimidatingly in Ellie’s direction. Furiously, Ellie lunged for Matt’s lower legs, but Matt kept his balance. He squatted low and locked his arms around Ellie’s tiny waist, hoisting him up with a loud grunt. Ellie’s legs lifted high off the mat, with him now suspended precariously upside down. Matt took a few stutter steps, just to show off, I’m sure, before swinging Ellie forward and slamming his upper back hard to the mat.

That hurt. It’s just a wrestling mat on hardwood floors. Ellie looked dazed, which probably explains why he did nothing to defend himself as Matt grabbed him by the chin and pulled him, tottering, up to this feet. Matt hooked his right arm between Ellie’s legs and scooped him up across his chest. He did a full lap of the mat this time, again, winking at me, showing off. He came to a halt directly in front of where I sat on the couch. Violently, he dropped to one knee, pounding Ellie’s lower back across his outstretched thigh. Ellie jerked in shocked pain, the air exploding out of his lungs. He started to sit up, but Matt shoved his chin back down, bending him backward across his thigh, pressing down with his other hand on Ellie’s hairy right thigh.

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Ellie groaned loudly. Matt looked up at me and smiled broadly. That cockiness, those big, beautiful pecs. Fuck, nothing could tear my eyes away from that magnificent specimen… except for the bulge in Ellie’s briefs. Oh my God. There was Ellie, nearly broken in two in a nasty ass over-the-knee backbreaker, totally getting owned. And he sprouts wood.

Following my gaze, Matt noticed the effect he’s having on Ellie. H was clearly as surprised as I was. And pissed off, I’m sure because Ellie distracted me from adoring him. He shifted his hand away from Ellie’s thigh, grabbing him by the balls through the fabric of his sweat soaked briefs. Ellie screamed. Loudly. Matt’s lips curled away from his teeth in concentration as he bore down on the boy’s testicles. Ellie jerked and kicked, but Matt had plenty of muscle to pin him there solidly across his leg, squeezing the fuck out of his balls.

“Tell Bard you submit,” Matt demanded. Ellie whimpered, sucking down air, before finally whispering, “I submit.” Matt twisted his ball claw for added agony, making Ellie scream again. “Tell Bard that I’m the man,” he demanded.  Ellie remained silent, other than agonized groans, until Matt leaned into his twisting ball claw for more pressure. “You’re the man!” Ellie gasped.  Matt chuckled, still not relenting. “Tell Bard that you’re my fucking bitch.”

Oh fuck, now I really felt bad for Ellie. I was just about to tell Matt to knock it off, but Ellie gasped, “I’m your… fucking bitch,” before I could say anything.  Matt laughed out loud and stood up, dumping Ellie to the mat unceremoniously. He planted his right foot on Ellie’s chest and flexed his biceps again. Fuck, what a sight.

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I started bitching at Matt about being a bad sport. He stomped on Ellie’s chest and walked over him, adding insult to injury, on his way to grab me by the wrists and yank me to my feet. He laughed at my complaints about being a prick to my guest. He pointed out that my erection, now at full mast, sort of undermined my tone of righteous indignation. He had a point. He grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me toward him, nearly sucking my tongue out of my mouth. Fuck, he’s hot. It’s not like there was no reason I was practically begging him to come for a visit.

And then, like Matt always does, he pushed it one step farther. Still Hoovering my tongue, he wrapped his massive arms around me again and jacked me back up, off my feet, into a bearhug. I grunted in pain, but he kept sucking on my tongue, squeezing me into him, crushing my cock against his abdomen. Did I mention how strong he is?  He took a few steps around the mat, stepping over Ellie, with me suspended in that embrace. Finally he pulled his face away, letting me catch my breath as best I could with my ribs getting crushed. “Now, you’re turn, Bard,” he snarled ominously.

I’m not ashamed to admit that Matt beats my ass about nine times out of ten whenever we wrestle. Win, lose or draw, the post-match victory fuck is always well worth it. He’s just so fucking strong, and he exploits his size advantage every last inch. He’s a vicious brawler, and I respect him for it.

On the other hand, there was no chance in hell that Ellie was going to show an ounce of respect to him. I had no idea what was going on at first, when Matt suddenly gasped, he’s eyes bugged out. He dropped me awkwardly to my feet. For the second time tonight, Ellie had intervened to rescue me from his bearhug. This time, he accomplished the task by reaching between Matt’s legs, from behind, and clawing the living fuck out of Matt’s balls.

He clearly had it coming to him, am I right? I tried to keep an eye on what was happening, but it was tough, doubled over and reintroducing my lungs to oxygen. There was a lot of grunting and shuffling of feet, but when I was able to really take stock of what was happening, Ellie had Matt pinned, face first, against a wall. His right hand was still crushing Matt’s balls, forearm deep between Matt’s massive thighs.  Ellie used his left hand to grab the hair on the back of Matt’s head and slam his face repeatedly into the wall.  When I say, “into the wall,” I mean “into the wall.” There were now a dent exactly the size and shape of Matt’s handsome mug in my drywall.

I just watched in genuine awe as Ellie lunged low and bent Matt backward across his shoulders. His claw never let up for a second on the bad boy’s balls, even as Ellie stood up, using his free hand to grab Matt by the throat and bend his spine around his neck. Holy fuck, I had never seen Matt manhandled quite like that before. Ellie was transcendent. Think Marine O’Malley climbing off the page from his bout with Surfer Larry Schultz. Matt was completely helpless and 6 feet off the mat-covered hardwood.

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“Oh, fuck me,” I remembering muttering to myself. Ellie’s eyes locked with mine, and there was something uncharacteristically unkind about the look he gave me. He walked toward me so deliberately that I stepped backward, tripping over the corner of the coffee table and landing on my ass back on the couch. Ellie stood there over me, his legs spread wide. Slowly, he squatted low, using Matt as a barbell. Just as slowly, he straightened his legs, rising up and flexing those sensational quads.

Whatever I always saw as “sweet” about Ellie was, at least for the moment, completely evaporated in the heat of his rage. He did a set of squats and then simply walked forward out from underneath Matt, letting the deadweight slam in a heap on the mat behind him. He took a couple of steps toward me like he was about to beat my ass next, but then turned back around and dragged Matt up to his hands and knees by a fist of hair. With one hand latched onto Matt’s throat and the other wrapped around Matt’s balls again, Ellie lifted the battered beefcake up off the floor, arched his back to hoist him high, and then dropped to one knee, busting Matt’s gut across his outstretched thigh.

He let Matt bounce off his knee and land in the fetal position on the mat, groaning. I caught myself about to chuckle at the thought that I was feeling sorry for Ellie not five minutes earlier. He was now living large and in charge, bending over and ripping Matt’s jock strap off him in a spray of shredded fabric and elastic. Matt’s famous lead pipe slapped down damply on the mat, magnificent as always.

Matt groaned and tried to pull away when he realized Ellie was shoving the tattered remains of his own jock strap into his mouth. Thus gagged, big, bad ass Matt was dragged yet again to his feet, this time to be snatched up in a picture perfect full nelson. Ellie rag dolled him back and forth, making Matt’s pendulous cock slap from thigh to thigh.

“Tell Bard you submit,” Ellie growled as he positioned Matt directly in front of me. Matt’s arms flopped lifelessly as Ellie bore down on the full nelson, pressing Matt’s chin hard into his chest. “I… I submit,” Matt gasped.

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Ellie dropped him like a sack of potatoes at his feet. His eyes locked with mine, Ellie lifted his arms and treated me to his own magnificent gun show. I started applauding. Fuck, this was the best wrestling entertainment I’d seen… ever.

Ellie ignored the applause and turned his attention back on the heap of muscle crumpled at his feet. He bullied Matt up to his knees and scooped him up in his arms across his body. Ellie rolled him up across his collarbone, and then dropped hard to one knee, slamming Matt’s lower back across his outstretched thigh. Retribution, baby! I loved the symmetry. Right then and there, Ellie was a master of the universe.

He pinned him there across his leg. Matt was significantly less flexible than Ellie, so there was a lot less bend. But Ellie pressed hard, nevertheless. He couldn’t help but size up Matt’s jackhammer, feeling the heft of it bouncing in his hand for a few seconds. But the aesthetics gave way to mechanics, once Ellie wrapped his fingers around Matt’s naked testicles and started to squeeze. Matt screamed like I’ve never heard him scream before.

“Tell Bard that I’m the man,” Ellie growled. Ellie was running him right back through the same paces Matt had put him through. Matt choked and sputtered on the pain, but finally gasped, “You’re the man!”

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Ellie dumped him to the mat and stood up, hands on his hips, his rippled abs pumping oxygen to his magnificent, glistening muscles. There was one more tit for tat revenge submissions he had yet to secure from Matt. He looked winded but determined. The only question left was how.

Suddenly, Ellie bent forward and peeled his dripping wet briefs off his long legs. The tighty whities were mostly transparent now. Ellie always looks phenomenal, of course, but he’s never looked this good before, on top, in charge, the victorious gladiator preparing to put his opponent down for good. He leaned over and stretched his soaked briefs over Matt’s head, completely covering his face with them.

Then Ellie squatted low, wrapped his huge arms around Matt’s torso, and hoisted the dead weight up and off his feet into a magnificent, naked bear hug. Matt’s back arched in agony. He tried to press away from Ellie’s hairy chest, desperate to free himself. His groans and whimpers were muffled underneath Ellie’s underwear covering his face.  Ellie stomped in a circle around the mat, allowing gravity to grind spikes of pressure into the torturous hold. Matt was weeping when Ellie finally demanded, “Tell Bard that you’re my little bitch!”

Burly, vicious, bad ass Matt bullied into crying like a bitch. Fuck I was savoring this. After several long seconds, Matt slumped over Ellie’s big, bulging right shoulder, still whimpering. “Say it!” Ellie barked. “I’m your bitch,” Matt groaned, resigned, honestly and truly beaten.

I was on my feet for a standing ovation before Ellie even managed to drop the ballast back to the mat. He flexed his peak biceps my way. The grin on his face was once again hinting at that sensationally sweet stud who had seemed, momentarily, to disappear behind the raging hulk who just beat Matt’s magnificent ass so completely. The wink and subtle nod of his head was a clear invitation to laud the victor up close. I didn’t need to be asked twice. I stepped over Matt’s writhing body on the mat and reached out to get feel of those monster biceps calling to me.

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Ellie stretched his magnificent body.  I massaged his taut traps. I dug my knuckles into the bulging knots in his muscled back. In complete honesty, I whispered to him that he was, in this moment, nothing short of a god. He deserved it. Things finally sorted themselves out, sure, but he was still seriously disrespected in my home.  I caressed his glorious, naked ass as I swooned over his complete wrestling mastery. I licked the sweat from the deep crevasse between his gorgeous pecs, stroking his ego, worshipping his power. I felt his hand on the back of my head, pressing me into his chest firmly. And then…

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… well, it’s hazy from there. There was a struggle, definitely. Those pecs are divine, of course, but I couldn’t breath, shoved up between them so tightly.  Ellie was smothering me in all that hairy muscle. I sort of remember sagging to my knees, looking up at him, looking down at me.  I’m pretty sure I blacked out the first time with my head getting crushed in Ellie’s standing scissors.  I roused next to find Matt hovering over top of me, Ellie’s hand shoving him down to his knees. Obeying Ellie’s command, Matt yanked my clothes off. Following orders, Matt started sucking my cock, which was quickly pushing me over the edge, right up until Ellie dropped to his knees over top of me and planted his naked ass across my face. I blacked out briefly again, I’m sure. I think I remember Ellie riding me in a camel clutch, but that’s mostly a haze. I know I submitted over and over again, but I don’t remember how many times. At some point, I roused to realize I was staring up at Ellie’s mammoth erection, my head throbbing in face-to-crotch headscissors. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Matt, squirming in a sleeper hold with Ellie’s big right bicep pressed expertly across his throat. Matt’s thrashing about and groaning slowly faded as he went down. I struggled to stay conscious, just to watch Ellie to jack his gorgeous, veiny cock right in front of my face. I didn’t hold on long enough.

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Ellie roused both me and Matt to ring in the New Year at midnight. It was sort of romantic, really, in this way that erotic wrestling can be. Ellie toasted the New Year with my bourbon. Matt and I, on our knees, worshipping him.

It was the perfect way to wake up, on New Year’s morning, sandwiched between Ellie and Matt in bed. Matt and I teased Ellie about beginner’s luck. Matt promised to whip Ellie’s beautiful ass the next time they wrestle. I complained that I never had my fair shot at either of them. But there’s no denying it. Ellie was the New Year’s Eve champ. We have a tentative date for the three of us to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.

Best of 2016

I had every intention of posting some more niche categories for you to chime in on as we look back on the best of homoerotic wrestling for 2016. But alas, time and tide await for no man. The clock has nearly run out on 2016, and probably not a second too soon. So instead of polling the readers, I’m just going to put forth a few of my own personal picks for the best in homoerotic wrestling in a few more categories almost certain not to show up in any official year end fan polls.

 

Best Back

Fuck, I love a big, broad, thickly muscled back. I suppose a lot of guys probably don’t think of the back as a particularly lust worthy. I, on the other hand, think a hot, sexy back is immense value added. It seems far too often neglected by the gym bunny crowd, making a truly gorgeous, crafted classic V and wide wing span that much more notable. Again, for my tastes, there are mechanics involved, like proportion, shape, and thickness, but that last, little, hard-to-articulate aesthetic comes down to whether a back makes me ache to slap down a massive load across the expanse of it. So, as with everything, it’s about what it inspires in me as much as any particular objective, measurable quality that we could all agree on.  My top three favorite backs in 2016, in reverse order, are as follows:

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Lon Dumont

2nd runner up is Lon Dumont. So much has been said about Lon’s phenomenal abs, and deservedly so. But damn, that back is a work of art! I would love to see 2017 be the year that opponents climb into the ring with Lon and acknowledge what a hot, rocking body this magnificent muscleman possesses, and fuck, that back should be on the list of things for an opponent with taste to admire.

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Van Skyler

1st runner up for me is BG East’s muscleboy Van Skyler. He’s a dizzyingly sexy fantasyman from the front, sure, but fuck, that gorgeous back could be more perfect only with a stream of cum painted across it.

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Scrappy

I don’t have access to better pics, but trust me, Thunder’s Arena’s Scrappy has a magnificent back. His perfect V points like an arrow that supremely fuckable ass. He’s phenomenal to watch wrestle. The attitude, the power, the beauty from every angle. But my heart rate spikes every time I see his best side. Scrappy has his admirers, clearly, but I have think that he’s one of the most underrated athletes in the homoerotic wrestling industry. He’s a handsome fucker with some sweet mat skills, but I’m waiting for him to just turn around, extend that lat spread and flex those glutes, and bring the right opponent to his knees.

 

Best Tag Team.

There were precious few tag team matches in homoerotic wrestling in 2016. A producer once told me that tag team matches are few and far between because it’s just too much of a pain in the ass coordinating 4 different schedules (plus the production crew). So they’re a rare treat that I, personally, enjoy immensely. So here are my top 3 favorite tag teams in 2016, picked out of some inexact formula of ring skills, beauty, teamwork and chemistry, with just a little of that extra added allure of making we want to join them in a 3 way (and I’m not strictly talking wrestling now).

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Zack Johnathan (aka Z-Man) and Austin Cooper

2nd runner ups for me were the fascinating pairing of two sensational, iconic figures in homoerotic wrestling, Z-Man and Austin Cooper, teaming up for Rock Hard Wrestling in All-Star Brawl. I’m not convinced that they have a ton of chemistry when working together, but two hot, sexy stars this big and this popular make a sensationally sexy pairing.

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Raving Savages Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood

1st runner ups, and thus first in line for me to climb into a petite, muscle packed, loin clothed sandwich with, are Wrestle4Hire’s Ravaging Savages, namely Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood. These bearded badasses were a thrilling surprise for me in their magnificent take down of behemoth muscle giant Mark Muscle. Despite pulling off some fabulously coordinated double teaming, I think they are just a little unequally yoked, as evidenced by Matt having to turn alpha and order Zach around a bit to finally finish off their superhuman opponent. But holy fuck, these micro beasts were a sensational turn on for me in 2016.

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Team All-Americans – Rookie Charlie Evans and veteran Christian Taylor

In what has to be the hottest, most entertaining tag team match in homoerotic wrestling this year (this decade?), ginger newbie Charlie Evans joined forces with fantasy veteran Christian Taylor to bring down the house in Tag Team Torture 19. Their opponents, newbie Chase Addams and Trophy Boy Ty Alexander, could have totally taken this award, if their out of control vanities hadn’t set them on a path to self-destruction from the start. What Team Vanity lacked in teamwork and coordination, Team All-Americans excelled at. This was such a fabulous narrative of earnest babyfaces versus narcissistic heels, with the juicy melodrama of the upstanding All-Americans suffering heaping loads of underhanded brutality, and yet enduring, having each others backs, and through raw skill, will, and teamwork staying in the fray long enough for their egomaniacal opponents to make one too many mistakes. I would pay a premium for those dick selfies they snapped with Team Vanity’s phones. And absolutely, if there’s a tag team I’d most want to join for a rip and strip, baby oiled menage a trois, in 2016, it’s Team Vanity.

 

Best Gear

I’ve had some extensive conversations with Ty Alexander about the dangerous waters of expressing strong opinions about gear. I’m no Joan Rivers, and I hardly claim any particular expertise in fashion. But I definitely know when a particular gear choice does NOT do it for me. And, occasionally, I think to myself, that hunk was made to wear that! As with everything, there are mechanical factors that go into my estimation of gear, like fit, color, and complexion. But in this case, that hard to describe, major component of what I like has to do with me deciding, at least momentarily, that a wrestler actually may be even sexier in this particular gear than out of it (trust me, that’s a rare conclusion for me). Well, at least I think to myself that I’d like to see him in it before ripping it off of him. In any case, what I think may be the most sensational gear choices of 2016 are as follows.

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Ty Alexander

2nd runner up is Trophy Boy Ty Alexander. To say that a pair of trunks look like they were made to be worn by a wrestler is, quite literally, the truth when it comes to fashion-obsessed Ty. He has an immense collection of custom made wrestling outfits that he showed off in 2016. Possibly my favorite were the opal trunks he wore in his grudge match against fleeting tag team partner Chase Addams in Tag Team Torture 19. Lush fit, beautiful contrast with Ty’s all-over tan, and generously providing reading material for when he plants that ass on Chase’s face. They tell a story all on their own, which, considering Ty’s panache for storytelling in the ring, adds compelling nuance and subtext to a match.

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Jobe Zander

I let my attention wander away from Jobe Zander for a while, but suddenly, in 2016, I took another look and discovered a whole new man. I’m assuming there was some nefarious transaction with Satan involved, or perhaps a genie in a bottle, to transform Jobe into the ripped sex god he suddenly is today. However it happened, I was blown away by the super-low-rise, sky blue banana hammock he wore this summer in Can-Am’s Decrotchery 14. His hot, rock hard glutes look insanely sensational, and Jobe’s masterpiece is framed like the work of art it is. The seaming, the gorgeously tight outline of his monster cock… everything about these trunks scream Jobe. A fashion critique would likely note that the pouch pulls away from his inner thigh just a fraction as a result of a fraction too little fabric to manage to cover his famously gargantuan python. But who the fuck are we kidding. That tiny gap, the shadowed space stretched too tight at the side of his crotch, is exactly what makes this gear perfection.

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My choice for Best Gear in 2016 is Rafael Valmor from BG East’s Fan Fantasy 4. Honestly, Rafael had an unfair advantage, considering Kieran Dunne made him try out about half a dozen pairs of trunks before acknowledging the obvious truth that these baby blue square cut swim trunks achieved absolute perfection. The combination of that baby blue against his bronzed, Brazilian body is so fucking lovely! But it’s the cut that boggles my mind. I swear it looks like these trunks were sewn together right on his body. From the back, they dip exactly to the top of his ass crack, squeezing each gorgeous ass cheek like loving friend. From the front, they suck to his muscled, upper thighs, and then leave exactly enough acreage to let his mouthwatering bulge stick out just right. I know, I know, I keep using the word “perfection” too often in this category, but I can think of no other description for Rafael’s gear here. Kieran agrees with me here. Mouthwatering, aesthetic, masterful engineering, absolute perfection.

 

Best Wrestling Character

I think of this last category like picking Miss Congeniality, only most of the time, the most compelling, sexiest wrestling personalities in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly uncongenial. As a fan, I talk about this aspect of wrestling often, the sell, not just of any particular move or hold, but of the wrestling story as a whole. There are plenty of homoerotic wrestling matches that seem to pop up out of nowhere, with the combatants’ motivation for stripping down to their barest essentials and beating the living fuck out of each other remaining mostly a mystery. But there are some sensationally entertaining hunks on the scene who absolutely emote. They set the table for us, sometimes with dialogue and explicit backstory, but often with just a smirk and a sneer. I love wrestlers who can convince me that they aren’t just waiting to clock out, but that they’re motivated and passionate about working up a sweat and settling some score. This is less about being a heel or a babyface or a jobber, but about conveying the virtual world in which hot hunks in the briefest of trunks defy gravity, obliterate the conventions of common decency, and pit nothing but their bodies and cunning against one another for a reason. That’s fucking sexy as hell for me. So here are my top 3 wrestling personalities who did all of that the best in 2016.

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Aryx Quinn

I’ve missed seeing more of Aryx Quinn in homoerotic wrestling lately, but even showing up relatively rarely, he tears apart the competition in body and soul. As my 2nd runner up for best wrestling character, Aryx could easily drive fans wild with just that rocking body and those incredibly devastating wresting skills. And yet, every time he shows up, he brings that sexy as fuck, sneering, domineering, trash talking attitude that typically conveys a crystal clear motivation to rip an opponent apart in order to fuck them senseless in victory. I’d argue there’s no other wrestler in competition today who inhabits quite the wrestling character that he does with such supreme success.

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Kid Karisma

My 2nd runner up for Best Wrestling Character is Kid Karisma. Kid K consistently conveys a transparent motivation for throwing down, built on several interlocking factors. He loves the way he looks, glistening with sweat and showing off his magnificent muscles, having beaten an opponent to submission and flexing over top of him. He clearly loves the way it feels, possessing another man, bending and breaking him, milking whimpers and screams out of him. Kid K sells a particularly sweet vintage of sadism without a hint of maleficence about it that’s incredibly novel and compelling. And, at least 2 times out of 3, he wrestles because it turns him on. So often, after ripping a lucky bastard apart piece by piece, you’ll catch Kid Karisma climbing on top, saddling up, and smacking down a lusty, passionate kiss. Both in his wrestling work and in conversation, he consistently comes across as a hearty partier, a prankster and a smart ass, who wrestles for the sheer pleasure of it.

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Matt Thrasher

Best Wrestling Character in 2016 for my tastes was Matt Thrasher. Again, like Aryx and Kid Karisma, Matt inhabits a relatively unique persona in the business, I think. Particularly in his work for Muscle Domination Wrestling, Matt is the Daddy’s Home franchise. He’s gorgeous, of course, but he absolutely owns the salt ‘n’ pepper daddy beat in today’s industry. Youngsters of all shapes and sizes keep throwing themselves in his way, calling him old, calling him grandpa. And with patience born of experience, Matt chuckles, and then turns the ageist bullshit on its head by beating the living fuck out of every ankle biter he meets. He’s bulging and hairy and sweats like a Margarita in August, but its the way he carries that off in his seasoned, savory picking apart of young bucks that makes him such a phenomenal character. He’s never impulsive. He’s deliberate and decisive. And he persistently possesses the sexy, compelling character motivation of crushing the dreams of youth as he turns cocky kids into his sniveling bitches.

So those are my picks for some of the aspects of homoerotic wrestling that I, personally, key off of, but which don’t tend to find their way into end of year fan polls. Feel free to praise any wrestlers who you’d have picked for these (or any other) category in the comments below.  And happy new year, people. Here’s to a hope and prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods that we all survive 2017 with a few civil liberties left.

Best Ink of 2016

Damn, maybe we need to brand 2016 the year of the rookie! The vote was less robust, but still decisive in selecting BG East muscleboy Calvin Haynes as having the best ink in the business in 2016.

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Calvin Haynes

I have to admit, I’m a bit infatuated with the peekabo anatomy chart art up and down his big, bulging, bad ass left arm. I think it does precisely what fine body art should. Namely, it accentuates and draws attention to what is so impressive and attractive about Calvin’s bulging muscles, and it gives me a serious passion for getting a lot closer and studying every illustrated inch of him. Preferably coated in baby oil (purely for the aesthetics, of course).

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Jonny gets his hands on Calvin’s ink

The hunky blond beauty had a sizzling hot last quarter of the year, debuting in a sensationally sexy lust fest against Christian Taylor and then getting a magnificent pro beatdown in the ring like only Jonny Firestorm can deliver. He’s still an enigma as far as what lunch table he’ll be sitting at over the long haul. He has similar raw ingredients to be a beautiful beefsteak whipping boy like big, bulging, beautiful Biff Farrell. But he’s already making a name in the erotic end of the pool, demonstrating a carnal lust driven by the heat of wrestling competition that you just can’t fake. Like Sexiest Nipples winner, Chase Addams, the future looks pretty wide open for illustrated Calvin, and I hope the fan appreciation for his ink only contributes toward propelling him toward a sensationally successful 2017.

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Christian gets his hands on Calvin’s ass

While I love Calvin’s ink (and pretty much everything else about him), he was not my personal choice for Best Ink of 2016. Of my top five favorites, my choice for the singular Best Ink was, actually, KARN.

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KARN

Fuck, this beast fascinates me. I’ve been intrigued by him in still frame for a couple of years, but it was sinking my teeth into Wrestler4Hire this year that really made me into a full on fan. I love his intense, pro personality. I love his cocky, smirking, taunting humor in the ring. But damn, I am seriously passionate about his body, and, in particular, the extensive art on both arms and shoulders.

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High art

I’m pretty sure the color palette puts KARN over the top for me. Color, in and of itself, isn’t always going to make for superior ink.  But in KARN’s case, oh fuck, yes. I am incredibly frustrated that the promotions he wrestles for (Wrestle4Hire and Can-Am, both, I’m pretty sure, via Cameron Matthews) do not provide some fan fueling, high def photos of him. Like a shooting star, I’ve only been able to admire him from some distance, most often less than crisp or detailed video captures, blurred by motion and implying even more magnificent beauty than can be actually seen with the naked eye. Please, oh please, homoerotic gods, put KARN in front of a professional quality digital camera, preferably in super briefs and nothing else (well, or less), and let me study this work of art in fanatical detail, please!

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KARN’s cover art is the clearest, most up close we get to see

And since I’m lifting up my year end prayers to the homoerotic wrestling gods, I’ll just say that an autographed beefcake shot of KARN would help make this chilly, depressing end of 2016 turn significantly brighter in the new year.

Sexiest Nipples of 2016

I’m calling the race for Sexiest Nipples. At 9:00 am (EST), the official vote tally propels BG East rookie Chase Addams into a decisive victory as possessing the sexiest nipples in homoerotic wrestling in 2016.

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Chase Addams

On the one hand, this has got to be considered an upset. Young Chase appeared in only two matches (on just one DVD, no less) this year. He was up against some pillars of the scene who have long established, massive fan bases. Frankly, I was a little worried that the selection of sexiest nipples was going to blur into a rush to judgment based on biggest pecs, which is a distinctly different category, in my book. But neverland readers decisively picked lovely, lean, lickable Chase and those beautiful half dollars emblazoned on his smooth chest.

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Suck on those, losers!

On the other hand, I am happy to report that Chase is also my personal pick for Sexiest Nipples of 2016. I find it refreshing when, on these rare occasions, my tastes and the taste of readers coincide. If you read my interview with the master craftsman of pro wrestling holds, it comes as no surprise to you that I key off on Chase’s gorgeous, pinchable, suckable nipples. They caught my eye from day one. Although his double header debut in Tag Team Torture 19 was outstanding, classic, straightforward pro wrestling for the most part, just the presence of Chase’s radio dials elevated the erotic tension magnificently. Well, Ty wrestling bare assed and Christian and Charlie using Team Vanity’s phones to take dick pics placed TTT19 securely in the homoerotic end of the pool. Nevertheless, I stand by my original position: Chase’s magnetic nipples kept the erotic heat on simmer throughout both of his matches.

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The t-shirt says it all

I’m curious to see if this Off Broadway award may be a harbinger of bigger things to come for Charming Chase. I have it on good authority that BG East will be doing another fan poll for year end awards, and I’ve got to imagine that Chase will be a top contender for Best Debut of 2016. Among neverland readers, he’s clearly caught a lot of attention.

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Chase the Redeemer

I get a strong sense of Chase being on the cusp of something big. He’s well positioned, at the very least. His social media game is already stronger than 98% of homoerotic wrestlers, and I still say that the future of this industry (and most industries) is in multi-platform marketing. If you haven’t followed him on FB, you’ve been missing out on a growing catalog of pics of Chase showing off his aesthetics, including some provocative shots of his private wrestling resume. Beyond just getting off on Chase’s beauty, however, you can also start to get a sense of the man behind the nipples. His dark sarcasm and icy cold cockiness hint at what very well could be a future headliner. He appears to be both fully embracing of the homoerotic side of wrestling, while consistently demonstrating an achingly earnest and sincere devotion to the science and art of pro wrestling.

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I have a strong urge to finger paint

And those fucking nipples! On social media, Chase has enthusiastically endorsed a suggestion from Kayden Keller that a side by side comparison and battle for the belt with nippletastic Mason Brooks is in order. I also have whole heartedly supported the idea, because that much hot, hard, smart, young talent in one wrestling match would be absolutely incendiary.

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Chase is poised to make a big impact

Whatever is in store for Chase Addams in 2017, neverland readers and I agree. In 2016, he had the Sexiest Nipples in homoerotic wrestling.

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Charming as Fuck Pin-Up Boy

Bard’s Best: Best Ink

Voter turnout for Sexiest Nipples has already been robust. I’ll report out “official” results as of tomorrow, so keep voting if you haven’t yet. But I’m also celebrating the close of 2016 with another niche category in homoerotic wrestling, one for which I have never seen a thorough vetting and careful consideration, but which I get into a lot: Best Ink.

Whenever I post about tattoos, I ALWAYS get comments from some readers complaining that they hate them. I respect the living fuck out of your tastes, but I don’t share them. Not all ink is sexy, of course. It’s not always aesthetically pleasing or complimentary to the body upon which it’s been installed. I don’t like all wrestlers’ tattoos, but usually I find them value added, and occasionally I evaluate them as outrageously sexy. Similar to what I said about nipples, while there are mechanics and geometry and proportion and color science involved, a tattooed wrestler works for me when I have an overwhelming desire to lacquer them up with baby oil and study them up close like the work of art they are.

So I’ve picked out my top five choices for Best Ink in 2016, perusing the homoerotic wrestling scene and, admittedly, focusing on those wrestlers who I watched most this year. I’ve restrained myself from posting multiple angles of each hottie’s canvas, for the sake of brevity. You may (or may not) want to do some due diligence on your part and study up every illustrated inch that may not be visible from the pics below. I know not everyone is into ink as much as I am, but if you are, feel free to register a vote for one of these fine works of art who appeared in a 2016 new release, or nominate someone else in the comments below.

Again, in alphabetical order, because AH appreciates that…

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Carter Alexander (BGE)
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Eagle (TA)
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Calvin Haynes (BGE)
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KARN (W4H)
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Wes Richards (RHW)

Bard’s Bests

Tis the season for year end retrospectives. I’m delighted to see Alex’s bold calls on his favorites of the year, drawing from across a wide swath of the homoerotic wrestling industry and reflecting some sensational wrestling. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that BG East will again do their Bestie Awards, so that I can obsess further about the highs and lows and gauge where I fall along the distribution of BG East fan tastes. Like the neglect of hot legs, I got to wondering what other categories of objects of my homoerotic wrestling lusts will likely also not be reflected in the mainstream polls and retrospectives. Since this blog is all about me (I keep repeating that because some people seem to keep forgetting it), I’m paying a little more attention to some of the niche categories that attract my attention, even if they don’t seem to be the subject of many/any other best of lists.

Even though this is all about me, I’m happy to have you chime in with your opinions (apart from nasty insults). So feel free to register your votes in these waning, dark days of 2016. I’ll report out the results of the polling, as well as let you know who I pick for top honors, in a few days. Today’s unsung hero category of homoerotic wrestling is Sexiest Nipples.

This category is tough to pin down the specifics, but I most definitely know what I like when I see it. The topic of attractive nipples pops up frequently in my posts, so it’s little wonder that I have opinions about who showed off the hottest nips in wrestling this year. If I have a criteria for judging sexy nipples, I’m sure size, symmetry, and placement are playing a part, but ultimately, it comes down to the nips that make my mouth water. I’ve picked my top 5 for you to vote on, but feel free to write-in a candidate in the comments below, as well as share your criteria for judging sexy nipples.

My slate of nominees for Sexiest Nipples in Homoerotic Wrestling for 2016 are as follows (in alphabetical order):

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Chase Addams
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Mason Brooks
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Cole Cassidy
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Muscle Master Kevin
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Viggo

Our Man Inside

 

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Skinny dipping with the Boss looks like fun!

I think I may have become too serious in the past 41 days or so. Sure, I believe the very fabric of our fundamental social contract as a modern society is unraveling. And, yeah, I have to acknowledge that I’ve been feeling happy not to have children to worry about suffering in the coming new world disorder. But there’ve got to be some reasons to smile these days.  As if reading the secret thoughts of my darkest hours, a long-standing, anonymous, yet dependable friend suddenly reached out and dropped a boatload of candid, behind-the-scenes photos smuggled off the sets of BG East, starring some of the most sensationally sexy wrestlers on the planet taking a little off the cuff joy in life.

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Happy heels Jonny & Kayden

OMI (Our Man Inside) has long been aware of my pleasure at seeing candid images of the heroes, villains, and whipping boys who star in the homoerotic wrestling fantasies that I enjoy so much. Far too easily, we who are fans can forget that there are actual people behind the made-for-pro wrestling characters and storylines that we tune in for. Too often, we take our prerogatives as consumers too literally. We collapse the people who put in the time to craft their bodies for wrestling sport entertainment into the products they star in. So we too often feel free to critique not just the products, but the people. We act as if it’s our right, from the anonymity of our side of the computer screen, to trash people based on our tastes and preferences in wrestling entertainment, dismissing the people themselves as worthless if we judge their wrestling products or performances to be uninspiring. I delete comments from the pages of this blog when I think they’ve stepped over that line, because that’s not what this blog is about. People can, and do, do that anywhere and everywhere else on the internet. This blog is about celebrating the industry, promoting the best of what I enjoy in homoerotic wrestling, and encouraging producers and wrestlers alike to continue to titillate and innovate for a homoerotic wrestling sensibility.

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Charlie, Kayden, Drake, Jonny, Chase and Ty are arm in arm after the matches

So I particularly enjoy these candid shots that give just a glimpse of the men behind the masks (whether literal or figurative). I know that there are some who would likely prefer not to see behind the curtain. I respect that. But these rare glimpses of these hot hunks’ humanity make me love this industry even more.

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Brooks bakes

We don’t have to like them all. Fuck, that’s the whole point really. Some of the hottest wrestling happens when hunky characters who I despise lie, cheat, and steal their way into contention in the ring. The rules of polite (straight) society do not apply in the homoerotic wrestling universe in which these magnificent men show up and throw down, putting bodies and egos and sometimes even their asses on the line in these Greek melodramas that we enjoy so passionately. In that world, these men can fly. They can be broken to pieces and pick themselves right back up and battle on with nothing but sheer will stitching them together. In that world, they’re devious and diabolical. They’re naive and gullible. They’re virtuous to a fault and psychologically flawed to perfection. In that world, they may or may not even be aware that we are crushing on them, debating about them, pulling for or rooting against them. They are apart from us, operating by different rules, and the distance can make us imagine that our estimation of them, in this world, also need not abide by conventions of common decency.

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Kid Vicious spies something delicious, whether it’s Christian or the cake (or both)

But in this world, they’re guys like you and me. Well, guys who probably work out more, eat better, and, if they’re any good, train to wrestle beyond what 99% of fans ever do. But in my experience, they’re just guys, most of whom are charming and complex, a patchwork of pride and insecurity, just like all of us who are afflicted by this human condition.

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Austin & Jonny ham it up

And in these waning days of 2016, I could probably use with more glimpses of genuine humanity. I wish every one of these smiling studs success and good fortune in the coming year. I want them to know that they are appreciated, even beyond being adored by those of us who are fans. When they’ve peeled their bruised and battered bodies off the mats, when the cameras are off and the street clothes are on, when they clock into their day jobs where people don’t even know that they are phenomenally sexy fantasymen with superhuman strength and skill when they strip their hot bodies down to supertight trunks, I hope their lives are filled with happiness. They are beautiful and brave, powerful and provocative. They’re terrifying and titillating, inspiring and inciting. They turn us on and transport us to a world in which our fantasies of gorgeous  gladiators locked in erotic combat play out, live action, before our very eyes.

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OMI snuck out this tasty tease of as-of-yet unreleased, hardbodied newbies turning up the charm!!!

Wrestlers, when you’ve had your spine snapped in an OTK backbreaker and punched in the testicles until you’re a screaming, writhing mess on the mat, after you’ve gotten us off with your beauty and your might, I hope the world is kind to you in the coming year. Thanks for smiling.  ~Bard

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I want an invitation to the next slumber party with Kid Leopard, Jonny, and Kid Vicious!
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Vintage smiles from Ian Nesbitt, Jeff Jordan, Keith Sullivan, Dino Serra, DW and … who’s the tanned beefcake standing at the left?
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Just Kidding
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Mason Brooks starring in Tom of Finland?
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Ty shares a smile and a shot of his backside
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Ty’s got to hand it to Nino “Baby Boy” Leone – that’s a hot ass and an adorable smile
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Nino and Calvin seemed to be happy to join the party in 2016
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The rare glimpse of the Cheshire Cat NOT smiling!
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The Boss is happy to hit the town with young muscle in tow

Meadows

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Payton Meadows notices what Van Skyler is looking at.

It’s as if December new releases are extra titillating in an effort to sneak into the final spot of 2016 favorites when the retrospectives start to come. Another tasty offering from BG East’s catalog 116 surprised me by just how provoked I was. Making a regular diet of homoerotic wrestling for going on 8 years of blogging now, I’m probably one of the more jaded fans of the genre. So when something catches me off guard, when I catch myself saying, “I don’t think I’ve seen anything quite like that before,” it’s a notable delight. So I was thoroughly delighted by the opening match in Undagear 26, pitting phenomenal fan favorite Van Skyler against sophomore sex bomb Payton Meadows.

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Van strokes

I was excited to read Joe’s take on this match already. As is the case 99% of the time, I agree with Joe in spirit. Like Joe, I found this match bawdy and beautiful. Like Joe, I was eager to take a long look (with many pushes of the pause button) at body-beautiful Van seeing if he can find his groove in a new wrestling context. Like Joe, the muscles and combat and power and sweat made “my pants itchy.”

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I’m team Payton!

However, as is equally often the case, I had a slightly different take on some of the details. I find that seeing things slightly differently from Joe is reassuring for me, because otherwise, what would be the point of both of us blogging? In this case, whereas Joe pegs physique aesthete Van as “his” guy, my eyes are riveted almost from start to finish on the smoldering Quebecois. This takes me completely off guard. Payton didn’t grab me by the balls quite like this in his debut earlier this year. My hunch is that his first match and this one were both taped around the same time (same context, same general appearance), but somehow, it’s like I’m seeing Payton for the first time. And fuck me sideways, I like what I see a whole, whole lot.

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“Feel that bicep on your neck, too tight for you?”  “Just… just a little.”

Van seems about 20% more bad ass than in his first two matches, which is a relief. Someone who looks that pretty and gets bulldozed so commandingly can dig quite a rut for himself in this business. Most of us enjoy watching a superhuman specimen of muscular development like Van get knocked down to mortality, I think. In this business, there’s an inherent vulnerability to being that wildly pretty, with those perfected proportions, with that seemingly impenetrable muscled arsenal just begging to get penetrated. In Undagear 26, he’s noticeably more aggressive. He’s got a plan that doesn’t stop at a complete un-self-reflected assumption that because he looks like a live action version of a comic book superhero, he’s destined to win. In his first couple of matches, I got a sense that Van expected that someone who looks as fucking sensational as he does simply deserves to have victory served up on a platter, which was, of course, his spectacular undoing. But squaring off against Payton, there’s something more devious and determined about him, or, as Joe puts it, he tackles this new assignment with more brio.

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“You like it, don’t you?”

 

Van’s vigor is remarkably well met by Payton’s sheer force of will. Having acknowledged that I found myself wholeheartedly on team Payton, it may seem paradoxical to admit that in their opening posedown muscle comparison, I objectively have to give the edge to Van. Payton’s legs are a fraction more petite. His lat spread may be a little more ripped, but Van’s wing span is simply broader. On sheer size alone, Van’s double bicep pose casts a long shadow across Payton’s nearly, but not quite as thick peaks. But the French Canadian doesn’t concede an inch. “That doesn’t beat this,” Payton snarls with that sexy Quebecois accent that always sounds supremely sophisticated to my provincial ears. “No way, not a chance,” he insists, stepping in front of the self-proclaimed “It-Boy” and dialing up his own blinding beauty an extra hard pumped flex, broadcasting his powerfully persuasive cocky certainty in his own superiority. I’m seriously shocked to discover that if I had the opportunity to get my lustful, worshipping hands on either of these magnificent men at that very moment, I’d be all over Payton despite Van’s piece by piece superiority.

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We’re going to have an argument about these asses, aren’t we?

Well, there’s one piece of Payton that I would argue is superior: his ass. At the risk of calling down a mountain of heat from Van-fans, I just have to say, as magnificent and muscled an ass as Van possesses, Payton’s ass takes my breath away even more. Seriously, please don’t send me hate mail, because I freely acknowledge we’re talking shades of gray here. These are four outstandingly sexy ass cheeks. But I have to be honest here when I say that pushing rewind happened most frequently around my lustful appreciation of Payton’s derriere. And what angles we get! Holy fuck, I’m pretty sure an experienced physician could do a proctology exam on Payton just by watching the last 3/5ths of this match once he’s wrestling in a jock strap. The camera clearly loves that ass as much as I do. And he’s completely unselfconscious about showing it off, flexed, twisted, stretched, split wide… I get the impression that Payton knows that every hill and valley on him is intoxicatingly pretty. When he forcibly strips Van down to a thong, Payton requires that Van obey his command to peel off his own baby blue designer briefs, because no way in hell is the Quebecois stunner going to let Van show more skin for even a second.

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Clearly I’m not he only one who enjoys a close-up look at Payton’s ass

I haven’t even really started talking about the wrestling, have I? The outrageous quantity of dazzling beauty in this match is hard to understate. But let me just appreciate the action itself, as well. It’s powerful and intense. For two bodies built like sprinters, the wrestling is actually quite focused on long-distance endurance. Van Pearl Harbors the International Delight mid-posedown because, I think, he recognizes that he’s getting out-prettied. Early days bodyscissors allow Van to demonstrate just how dominant his massive legs can be, grinding into Payton’s ripped, tanned torso. “That’s all you have?!” the Quebecois beauty taunts defiantly. He literally begs for more punishment, taking every ounce of pressure Van can muster and dismissing it with a smirk.

Sensationally intimate!

When Van exploits his advantage by reaching down and slowly, appraisingly stroking Payton’s gorgeously ripped torso, the erotic tension dials up about twice anything I’ve ever seen Van in before. I can’t tell if he wants to fuck Payton even half as much as I do, but he is clearly impressed with his body, finding it irresistible to refrain from from palming every bulge and divot. “You think you got muscle, eh?” Van taunts, his hands undermining his words. “They don’t seem to be working too much for you.” Payton muscles his way out of one predicament, only to be herded like cattle into a grinding, jeopardizing choke. “Feel that bicep on your neck,” Van crows, bearing down. “Too tight for you?” he asks tauntingly. “Just… just a little,” Payton grunts like a smart ass.

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“Thank you, it was itching a bit, but that helps.”

Payton, it turns out, is a HUGE smart ass. Van is controlling him hard early going, working him into a very cool ankle choke. “How do you like those legs?” he asks rhetorically, because quite obviously they are punishing and possibly close to putting Payton out. “They’re kinda strong,” Payton coughs out like the smart ass I’m discovering that he is at heart. “Thank you,” he smirks when he escapes, rubbing his throat, “it was itching a bit, but that helps.” The taunting sarcasm is strong in this one, and I kinda love it. The combo of a rocking hot body, gorgeously innocent baby face, and over the top smart assness gives him a strong Ryan Reynolds vibe.

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Van is just about to get fucked up

A couple of moments in the wrestling stand out as particularly hot. One starts with Van working some exciting momentum and that aforementioned planning to slide Payton’s baby face into deep, smothering face-to-crotch headscissors. Let’s see a show of hands of Van-fans who would donate a kidney to trade places with Payton right then and there? Perhaps all that smart assness is taking an emotional toll on Van, because he seems to particularly relish the way this hold finally shuts up that snarling, sarcastic, biting wit pouring out of the French Canadian. I for one am really, really pleased to study the erotic sculpture that is this tightly clenched mojo-stealer of a hold. But then, out of nowhere, Payton climbs up to his hands and knees, pulling Van’s hips off the mat. Fuck, I’m thinking, this pretty boy is strong! Then, up off his hands, Payton powers up to a kneeling position, rolling Van up to his shoulders, still clamped onto that face-to-crotch with everything he’s got, and perhaps a little twinge of panic added on. Fuck, I’m thinking again, this pretty boy is really strong! Then Payton pulls his feet underneath him and powers up out of the squat pulling Van completely off the mat, hanging from that face-to-crotch, dangling there, squeezing with everything he’s got, Payton’s head completely enveloped between those huge, thick quads. And then, BAM, BAM, BAM!!! Payton slams that huge, strong, thick back that Van was showing off earlier into the mat with authority. You can pretty much see the stars circling Van’s head as he loses his grip on the headscissors and for the next three or so minutes gets absolutely muscle bullied by the provocatively accented international baby face beauty.

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“Pain is just weakness leaving the body.”

It turns out, in addition to being devastatingly beautiful and delightfully smart ass, Payton is also a vicious mother fucker on offense. He rips Van’s muscled legs open wide and pounds his knees into his hamstrings. “You like it, don’t you?” Payton asks in that cocky, aristocratic accent. “Feels good, eh?” he asks. Payton is wailing incoherently in response. “This is just too hard for you, my friend,” the Quebecois beauty taunts him ironically. He wraps himself around Van in an abdominal stretch, turning Van’s bulging muscle physique into taffy. Van gasps and whimpers, with a rising panic. “You like it? It’s fun, eh?” Payton beams down on his handiwork. “Just a regular day for me,” he coos, abruptly wrenching Van’s hot legs spread eagled hard in a spladle. Van can muster no other response than writhing in agony, gasping, silently clenching his teeth and, presumably, his sphincter. “Pain is not mandatory,” Payton mocks, reminding his opponent that his diabolical torture can end with two simple words. “Pain is just weakness leaving the body,” the French Canadian monologues like a supervillain. When he digs a claw into Van’s quivering abdominals all stretched out and helpless, Van cannot take it. “IgiveIgive!” he gasps in quiet panic. I, for one, seriously hate watching that magnificent torture session at the hands of perfectly, painfully pretty Payton come to an end.

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“I kind of love it!”

When the first layer gets stripped to thong/jock strap, Van dials up the brutality considerably. Perhaps fearing that prettyboy rut I mentioned earlier, he starts muscle bullying the International Delight with renewed brio. They trade ass slapping, because this has got to be the sum total best quality ass match ever. Pretty quickly, Van snaps on a sequel, completely smothering, face-to-crotch headscissors, burying Payton’s pretty, pretty face deep into his big red bulge.  Payton instantly slaps and strokes that fan-favorite ass of Van’s. “You like that ass, don’t you?” Van asks, “slap that ass!” he commands with a big smile, delighted to see that his charms are having as much an affect on Payton as vice versa. “You like that smell, that sweat?!” Van taunts, swiveling his hips, really stuffing Payton’s face in hard. Out of nowhere, the Quebecois accent muffled with a mouthful of balls, Payton snarls enthusiastically, “I kind of love it!” Oh, fuck, I am so on team Payton.

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Payton digs deep.

The last moment I want to mention from this match is one that Joe, and the match description allude to as well. Van is starting to rack up submissions on my boy. You can tell Payton is getting buried under, because his trash talk turns significantly less smart ass and more ego bruised. Van has been bullying him hard and mean, clawing his balls for no good reason, not giving him a break between yanking out submissions. Van locks him up in a sleeper from behind, threatening to bring this battle of the beauties to an abrupt end. It looks like it’s heading that way, in fact, when suddenly Payton reaches behind him and claws the living fuck out of Van’s testicles. Needless to say, that sleeper hold disintegrates in a slack jawed, air sucking wash of panic across Van’s face. Van crumples, but Payton drags him back to his feet. Deliberately, the French Canadian shove his arm between Van’s sweaty, meaty thighs and thrusts upward, racking the beefcake’s balls hard. It’s a little breathtaking, watching Van’s jaw drop and his eyes widen in shock.  But then Payton keeps thrusting upward with his forearm, literally picking the It-Boy up, racked across his forearm, and pins him against the wall, Van’s feet dangling inches from the floor. Joe nails the metaphor of a pinned butterfly specimen. Gorgeous. Stuck. Possessed. And if there were any doubt if Payton’s gorgeous muscles have the power to compete against a comic book superhero like Van, that question is put to rest in what very well may be the juiciest, sexiest submission I have ever seen. Ever.

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Juiciest, sexiest submission I have ever seen?

So are you team Payton or team Van? It’s not like you can go wrong either way. Whether you’re keying off on Joe’s guy or mine, you will enjoy the intimate, high impact, super sweaty power and beauty of this match. I see something new and seriously unexpected from both of these dazzlers. And given the opportunity, I’d be first in line to coat every inch of Van Skyler with multiple applications of baby oil. Unless Payton Meadows was the other option. Then I’d kick Van’s stellar ass cheeks to the curb and worship Mr. International Delight in body and soul.

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Team Van?

I am breathless in anticipation of getting to see much, much more of what I saw in those thrilling 3 minutes of supervillain monologuing and surgical, diabolical, merciless muscle torture from Payton Meadows in Undagear 26.

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Or Team Payton?

This Ain’t Your Daddy’s Picnic

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Johnny Jobber really, really likes bananas.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Flash LaCash demands as he climbs into the ring.  Out of nowhere, adorkable Johnny Jobber has pulled out his lunch box and is wide-eyed with ecstatic anticipation at sticking his lovingly peeled banana in his mouth.  He sticks it in.

“Ea-ing a ba-anna,” Johnny talks with his mouth full.

“Does this look like a fucking picnic table!?” Flash’s sense of professional decorum is assaulted. He’s incensed by this dumb ass kid who apparently is unaware that the wrestling ring is not public park. The question of what the fuck Johnny is doing in this ring remains a valid one from start to finish. The extremely brief profile description says that he’s a 24 year old who’s a “weak, twinky indy pro wrestler who can take a big beating.” That notwithstanding, I still say he’s got to be the most unprepared, inoffensive, ill equipped newbie to set foot in a wrestling ring, and that’s saying a lot. He puts forward nearly (nearly) no offense. But what he does do surprisingly well, is convey an oddly compelling and, as far as I can tell, pretty fucking novel wrestling character.

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Not your average ass

Johnny is an everyman’s man (Freudian neurosis aside). Or, perhaps, he’s an every boy’s boy. He plays as incredibly young and lean. He’s fit, but soft in the middle, and without much visible muscle tone. He’s pale, with a thick pageboy and natural, lightly hairy legs and a dusting of dark blond chest hair. He’s handsome enough, but not in any standout way. If I saw him at a gay bar, I’d immediately put him in the “maybe” category and file him away for a backup plan, should more tempting game get away. But then, if he turned around, I’d reevaluate, because Johnny’s got a sensational ass. Seriously, a magnificent, all heredity bubble butt. Not much muscle tone. It jiggles a bit when he’s getting pounded like a round steak. But mother nature and fine, fine genetics gave him grabbable, slappable, succulent cheeks that answer for me the question of what doe-eyed Johnny’s doing in a wrestling ring catering to gay men.

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Flash pounds Johnny senseless…

Johnny is also a tad… how shall I say it… fresh off the farm. He’s a simple boy who appears unable to hold too many thoughts in his head at the same time. Even when Flash is ripping him apart at the seams and asking what, I’m sure, are intended to be rhetorical questions designed to humiliate him, Johnny is a literalist, answering every one. In detail. “What else do you like to stick in our mouth?” Flash taunts the kid early on for being so fixated on that fucking banana. Anyone else would have heard the cock sucking reference. But not Johnny. He just starts listing the things he likes to suck on. Bananas. Popscicles. Cucumbers. Flash is mildly surprised as this oral fixation comes out in the open (under duress), but he rolls with it, without any hint of needing to turn things homophobic. “Let me ask you,” Flash asks, “have you ever tasted Iranian sausage? It’s quite humbling.” So now I know that Flash is Iranian. And apparently his sausage is humbling.

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…and with Jonny, it’s a short trip.

The contrast between these two is visually stunning. They look roughly similar heights, but somehow Flash is twice the man Johnny is. He’s thick and bulging all over. His dark complexion, shimmering with a light coat of baby oil, makes Johnny’s lightly hairy paleness almost hurt the eyes. Flash’s magnificent full, thick beard is superbly masculine and mature. Johnny looks like a 19 year old kid who’s just a bit of a late bloomer. Flat chested, undeveloped arms, slightly meatier legs. And, as I said, Flash is a seasoned pro heel who has about 15 ways in mind to bend, break, and completely terrorize a simple kid with a magnificent ass.

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Flash rips him apart, limb by limb

Wherever the fuck Johnny came from, he does one thing really, really well. He screams like a bitch. Damn, he suffers good. He takes a horrendous, lopsided beating like someone who most definitely is not new to this game, and he sells it like motherfucker. He’s dazed and weak in the knees when he takes blows to the head (which is often). He flops and shivers like a fish on the line when he’s getting squeezed between Flash’s gargantuan thighs. “I want to go home!” Johnny weeps pleadingly about 2/3rds of the way through the match. “Okay, go home,” Flash says, letting meat go, “and take your banana with you.” Johnny crawls on his hands and knees (again, that ass!!!), weakly trying to drag his average joe carcass to freedom. He screams and begs when suddenly Flash steps on his ankle, pinning him to the center of the ring, letting it slowly (sloooooowly) dawn on the farmboy that this is far from over.

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Flash nearly knocks Johnny’s block off

The sexiest sequence by far is right around the halfway mark. Flash hooks the kid in a front facelock and grabs a fistful of trunks to hoist the kid up into a suplex. Somehow, Johnny marshals enough wherewithal to block it. Frustrated, Flash lunges low and starts over, but mid-lift, again, Johnny kicks and pulls his center of gravity back far enough to prevent Flash from taking him all the way over. A total of 4 times, Johnny shocks the beast by blocking that suplex, and then really blows me away by suddenly landing sharp fists into Flash’s gut. Flash is clearly as completely surprised as I am that Johnny does something, anything, on offense. Suddenly, the kid’s head pops free and he flings himself backward into the ropes, letting his momentum catapult him off the ropes and flying back toward his muscle bully.  Flash has already lifted his right boot seriously high and straight legged. The timing and placement are absolute perfection. Johnny takes the heel of the boot squarely in the jaw. It looks like his head may have snapped off his neck for just a second. The kid drops lifelessly to the mat. And the whole thing is sold gorgeously.

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Flash makes Johnny (banana) cream

Johnny’s oral fixation is the glue holding this relatively sketchy narrative together. As with so much of Wrestle4Hire, I’m dying to know more of Johnny’s backstory, but we get very, very little. What we do get is a running dialogue between the two combatants that drive home erotic innuendo of little Johnny’s “tastes,” and, by inference, centers the kink and eroticism that makes wrestling for gay eyes my (and your) thing. At one point, flash force feeds Johnny the remainder of his banana after kicking it around the ring a bit to make it nice and nasty. He takes a piece of the banana still in tact and precisely places it on Johnny’s impressive bulge. Standing over him, holding him by the ankles, spreading the newbie’s legs open vulnerably, Flash stomps on the banana(s). Kid screams like the wounded animal he is. And Flash taunts him from then on out about that messy “banana cream” that’s embarrassingly staining Johnny’s (now even tastier) pouch.

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Flash shows off the newbie’s moneymaker 

Another highlight is the sensationally trunk pull that signals that the producer, and perhaps Flash himself, knows exactly what I’m still watching this ring massacre for, because those lush, squeezable cheeks of Johnny’s jiggle free. There’s another 3 or 4 minutes of Flash mauling the kid relentlessly and giving us multiple angles to appreciate Johnny’s mouthwatering ass cheeks, with his banana cream-stained, stretched and ripped beyond repair trunks wedged really, really high up his crack. Like the crowd pleaser he is, Johnny doesn’t attempt to dig his trunks out of his crack until Flash commands him to, and even then, Johnny only bothers covering up one lily white cheek.

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Johnny’s head nice and snug next to humbling Iranian sausage

While I’m not so big on squashes usually, and while I find Johnny’s character a little sketchy and troubling (e.g., should I feel guilty about fantasizing about relentlessly fucking a barely legal kid who may have just been riding the short bus a year ago?), I’m oddly satisfied and entertained by Flash LaCash vs. Johnny Jobber. I would love to see more backstory (on everyone at W4H, frankly), and I think Johnny is super ripe for getting sucked into orbit around some charismatic, domineering, big daddy pro mentor for some juicy drama (daddy would have to punish him harshly when, inevitably, Johnny fucks it up in his next match with daddy coaching from the corner). Honestly, about a minute and half into this, and I was expecting to not like this match or Johnny. In the end, after cleaning myself off and rehydrating, I have to admit, I’m a fan of Johnny, Flash, and this unflinching pairing of the two.

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Banana cream-stained jobber

And if Johnny wants more banana, I’ve got one at the ready anytime, Lunchable Larry.

Best Legs

We’re at an even 150 votes cast after 5 days of open polls, so I’m calling it. The reader’s choice for BG East’s best legs in 2016 is none other than Logan Vaughn.

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To be fair, this was incredibly close. Logan pumped out a victory of only 3 votes over big, beautiful, buff, bulging, blue-eyed beefcake Biff Farrell. Further fine print has to acknowledge that this is neverland readers’ choice, and there’s no telling who might have reigned victorious if BG East included a Best Legs category in their end-of-year Bestie Awards. It’s also true that the slate of candidates was entirely based on my own tastes and preferences, and in actual Bestie polling, there could have been someone entirely unrepresented in my poll who could have clamped their massive quads around the category and crushed out a victory. Even with all of those qualifications noted, however, I have to say I heartily approve. Logan Vaughn’s massive legs have been featured in my fondest wrestling fantasies before I ever actually saw him wrestle.

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When I see Logan in porn, all I can think is “standing headscissors!”

When I first learned that Logan was going to wrestle for BG East, I screamed like a girl. He was grossly underused in JetSet Men’s Ultimate Top. His appearance in Naked Kombat was disappointing for me, because we never real saw those legs dominate the way they should. I have enjoyed seeing a couple of his Thunder’s Arena appearances, as they play more to the fantasyman that Logan so clearly is. But this beast and his monster quads were built for exactly one thing, as far as I’m concerned: fantasy pro.

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Logan strikes terror in Catch Weight 7

I have Logan’s most recent new release, Catch Weight 7, in my cue, but what I always, always long to see is Logan in the pro wrestling ring crushing an opponent every which way with those tree trunks before bending and breaking his foe into an openly awed, slack jawed, zealous convert to the absolutely devoted worship of Logan’s quads. In other words, I cue up Florida Fights 5.

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Perfection

In addition to Biff Farrell having an insanely passionate fan base, I also know for a fact that Kid Karisma is particularly proud of his legs and more than willing to put them up against anyone in the ring. And, of course, Chace LaChance was the Best Body winner last year, so it’s got to smart getting slapped down to third place for legs. And fuck, have you SEEN newbie Ramy Khoury’s huge, hairy thighs? That magnificent specimen deserves a much more competitive sophomore match up at BG East than his debut, and I would pay good money to see what he could do in this tournament of champions.

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Logan makes art and he is art.

But even still, as much as I am passionately devoted in my following of Kid Karisma, as much as I adore Chace and swoon for big Biff, line them up side by side and give me just one pair of legs to get on my knees and worship, just one set of monster quads to oil down and frot fuck, one muscle god with twin towers to bury my face in and beg to get scissored, and I have to confess, I’m with the plurality on this one.

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Worship his majesty

Logan Vaughn has got the best legs at BG East.