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In a Galaxy Far, Far Away

May 13, 2014 wrestlebard2 Comments

Eli Black pretty much owned neverland about a year ago. The incredibly dangerous stud was the first ever to claim the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month here 3 times. I wondered what had happened to him after what seemed like a drought of Eli releases for several months. Then BG East releases their newest Eli feature, going undie to undie with underwear model pretty boy Z-Man in Undagear 21. And around the same time, out of the blue, Ethan “Axel” Andrews contacts me and offers to introduce me to UCW.

ethan — Ethan “Axel” Andrews and the notorious blue tarp.

I’ve enjoyed Joe’s coverage of UCW for years now. He has a special relationship with the UCW boys, it seems. For some reason, I’ve never sampled them. I think it’s the aesthetic of the blue tarp covered walls. But Ethan assured me he believed I’d like what I saw, so he gave me some complimentary review copies of a few UCW matches that he personally picked out with me in mind. How could I say no? And, of course, Eli Black plays a prominent role in this sexy ass mix tape.

eli6 — The All-Star Champion of UCW, Eli Black!

So THAT’S where Eli’s been! The UCW files show Eli with more advanced ink than his BG East appearances, so I’m deducing that his UCW work has happened since he first taped with BG East. Over at UCW, Eli appears to be a notoriously underhanded heel. And, ironically, Ethan “Axel” is apparently a notoriously aboveboard face. Welcome to Wonderland, Alice! They’ve apparently been calling each other out for months by the time they face one another finally on the UCW mats. The opening trash talk is angry and vicious (like I love it!). Both boys are in very brief blue trunks. Ethan’s pouch is gargantuan, which is a detail that comes back into this story pretty damn quickly.

Early on, this appears to be a mugging. Ethan is all over Eli like a bad rash. Honestly, it’s a mugging when Ethan (who is determined NOT to be a bully?) zeroes in on Eli’s bandaged, injured arm, viciously cranking, punching, and kicking it relentlessly. Eli is stunned like I’ve never quite seen Eli stunned before. That right arm hangs lifelessly at his side. He’s nothing more than a mouthwateringly hot plaything for furious Ethan to torture. With rising confidence, he starts to focus on Eli’s pride and joy (not his ass, his other pride and joy), his abs. Kicks, punches, even a headbutt to the gut delivers the contempt that Ethan feels for Eli’s ripped 8-pack. But even without ever seeing a UCW match, I could’ve told Ethan he was barking up the wrong tree. A mountain of gut bashing is what Eli refers to as a breather. Sure enough, Eli roars back, scoops him up, and slams Ethan to the mat with authority.

eli5 — That mammoth package was just too big for this NOT to happen!

“My turn!” Eli crows, going to town on Ethan’s also impressive, but let’s face it, nowhere nearly as ripped abdominal wall. Ethan’s got his sights set farther south, though, quickly turning to crushing that humungous pouch of Ethan’s with the heel of his barefoot. Then both feet. Holy shit, Ethan screams.

eli2 — Amazing athleticism from these two stars.

There’s a ton of ass slapping and ball abuse traded between the two of these studs. It’s astonishingly evenly fought, both in athleticism, fitness, and viciousness. Neither of them can quite believe that their tried and true finishers simply cannot seal the deal. They get angrier and more frustrated by the minute. The pacing is surprisingly engaging. The personalities are huge and hot. And I don’t even mind the blue tarped walls, particularly when Eli has Ethan scooped up in his arms and pounds him over and over into the cinderblocks.

eli4 — The three sexy stars of this match.

This is careening into a blue-ball stalemate when Eli proposes a gut punching contest to settle their score. Gut punching contest with Eli!? What the fuck is Ethan thinking? Oh, that’s what he’s thinking. When it’s obvious he’s never going to make Eli’s impenetrable armor quiver, he delivers a low blow, swarms all over Eli’s gorgeous ass, and puts him down for the count.

“This is the ONLY time I’m going to cheat to win!” Ethan promises the camera as he leaves the mat. But somehow, it feels like Eli’s loss may be even a bigger victory for the dark side of the force. Who can resist that feel of dominating power that comes from a shocking low blow? Who can pick up the mantle of bad ass bully and then, voluntarily, set it down again to play it straight? The force is strong with this one, and I suspect that Eli may not exactly consider this entirely a “loss.”

Me? It’s a winner in my book, and I’m thrilled to get another Eli Black-fix in my system.

It’s Political

May 12, 2014 wrestlebardLeave a comment

My interest in professional football has primarily centered on a three-way ring wrestling fantasy in which Aaron Rodgers, Jordy Nelson, and Clay Matthews beat the living shit out of each other (obviously including extensive double-teaming by Aaron and Jordy), until they’ve all been stripped out of their trunks and the winner gets a blow job from one loser while he racks the other across his gargantuan shoulders (yep, you can pretty much guess who’s who). Actually following a season has been outside of my frame of reference for well over a decade, and actually paying attention to draft day has frankly never been on my radar. But it was hard not to notice Michael Sam getting drafted by the Rams and sucking face with his boyfriend in celebration. The kiss seemed a tad forced and uncomfortably choreographed to me. Nevertheless, it was hot. For me. Others were clearly offended. There were apparently the predictable junior high level “ewwwwws” from the un-self-reflected narcissists privileged to remain far too long in angst-ridden adolescent ignorance and knee jerk self-defensiveness around their own secret same-sex fantasies. There was the wildly hypocritical “shield my baby’s eyes” indignation from the same mothers who blissfully see no irony in wanting more guns in their children’s schools while earnestly believing that witnessing g-rated affection between consenting adults will scar their offspring permanently. And there’s the “homosexual agendaists” who whip themselves in sackcloth because of the “politicization” of sport, and sports television, and masculinity itself. Whatever it means for football or football fans or sports television, the kerfuffle highlights the simple truth that persists regardless of where you stand: the personal is political. Oh, and two men kissing is sexy.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

May 5, 2014 wrestlebard6 Comments

There were tons of perennial contenders putting up bids last month for the HWOTM title. So many current and former favorite homoerotic wrestlers pumped out hot juicy matches in April that the task of choosing just one to honor was delightfully brutal. But I’m going with my gut (and territory south of there) and selecting one particularly entertaining wrestler who took me places I never knew I needed to go. The new homoerotic wrestler of the month around these parts is…

…Austin Cooper.

Coop’s incredibly masterful manhandling of handsome newbie Leo Tomasi in Jobberpalooza 13 was epic! This was Coop 2.0, of course. He strutted to the ring with sun glasses and leather vest, dripping with condescension and scorn. Beautiful, babyface Leo was earnest as hell, honestly stating his case that he was there to learn from the best. A more tender ego might have blinked at the doe-eyed flattery, but not evil Austin. Not “Dr. Cooper,” as he names himself before this match is done with.

coop4 — Coop is relentless all over Leo’s pretty, lean body!

Season after season, we’ve seen mouthwatering Coop bring a cocky, babyface fratboy sensibility to his wrestling. The stud has obvious amateur experience. He’s got fitness model good looks, a fantastic physique, and an insistent uprightness. There was a brief moment in time when the world was divided into Coop fans and Jake Jenkins fans, and I was decisively on the JJ side of the fence. Perhaps it’s not a coincidence (oh, hell, of course it isn’t) that when Coop first claimed the HWOTM title just over one year ago, it was in his titular role as having turned heel in Demolition 16: Austin’s Heel Turn. Since then, we’ve seen Coop the goldenboy babyface back in action, looking like the painfully pretty earnest fratboy. But like a Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, it’s Coop’s barbaric, vicious heel side that seems to stroke me the hardest.

coop6 — This is Coop’s idea of “helping” the rookie up.

The evil Dr. Cooper is the one who shows up in Jobberpalooza 13 to dispel handsome young Leo of the illusions that he’s going to be on the receiving end of some big brother, good spirited apprenticeship. The action is like a landslide – all going one direction, which is downhill crashing down all over the gasping newbie. I’m stunned by just how deep Austin digs into the dark side. Leo can barely lift his eyelids, much less mount a defense merely moments into the match, and Austin doesn’t give him an inch of mercy. If anything, the worse Leo’s fates fall, the more vicious Austin grows.

Austin insistently tickles my weakness for a cocky heel, not just owning the rook but delighting in every moment. Dr. Coop chuckles and smirks as he grinds the kid into a pulp. He hoists him up high in a reverse bear hug that takes MY breath away. I am first in line to be the next one to take that ride!

coop5 — Dr. Cooper applies a cold-hearted compress to the newbie’s bloody nose.

The moment in this match that seals the deal for me is set up by Coop slamming Leo’s dazed face into the mat. With a genuine note of surprise, Austin discovers that he’s bloodied the rookie’s nose. He suddenly sounds concerned for the kid. He helps the newbie peel himself up off the mat, looking every bit like he’s going to help the kid staunch the flow. But no. He suddenly hoists Leo up in the air, dripping blood and all, hangs him upside down from the turnbuckle, and starts kicking the shit out of him. “We’ve got to invert you to stop that bloody nose!” he smirks. Then he slides Leo’s upside down head between his huge, golden, smooth thighs, trapping Leo’s face deep, pressed tightly against the base of his balls, and squeezes, and squeezes, and squeezes (they say apply pressure to a wound, right?). “Just call me Dr. Cooper, helping you re-cooper-ate.” Hot damn, I need an establishing-care appointment with a new primary care physician!!!

coop8 — Ding, ding, ding! Competition over. Dr. Cooper is absolutely the reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!

No goldenboy babyface fratboy, Dr. Cooper owns me every ounce as absolutely as he does lovely piece of fluff Leo Tomasi. With the ring of that bell that announces Coop as the winner of the match, he took full possession of the title of this month’s homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Feel Better Friday

May 2, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

Jonny Firestorm posted this photo (below) on his blog, showing him getting checked out for an unspecified medical condition.

20140501-214455 — Jonny blogs from his sickbed

It sounds serious, because Jonny reports he’s under doctor’s orders to stay away from wrestling for the time being. No word on what’s plaguing Jonny’s hot bod, but again, it must be serious, because what has that hunky physique not been able to withstand!?

jonny2 — It took both Cameron Matthews and Mike Pitt to make Jonny hurt in Tag Team Torture 17.

Of course, Jonny gives about 3 times harder than he gets, but still, he’s taken a boatload of vicious punishment and cruel abuse and managed to muscle his way back on top, over and over again.

jonny4 — Jonny’s ripped bod takes a brutal boot to the chest as he’s cruelly double-teamed.

So I’m guessing it takes a lot to get Jonny to admit he’s hurting enough to see a doctor in the first place, much less “take orders” to stay away from the ring. How many naive opponents have thought they’d be the ones to toss Jonny’s ass from the ring, only to find themselves crushed and conquered by the resilient heel? Now some egghead with a lab coat and filth-infested neck tie (seriously, think about how many germs a doc’s tie is exposed to and how often it get’s dry cleaned!) does what extremely few musclebound hunks have been unable to do?!

jonny3 — Jonny’s gorgeous ass has taken some beatings in the past.

I’ve got my money on Jonny kicking his health issue in the ass, and then proceeding to take that doc, rip off his lab coat, tie him into the ring ropes with the filth-infested tie, and shockingly hot ripped-n-stripped body mercilessly for keeping Jonny from the air he breathes, aka, wrestling. Then again, my fantasy of a hardbodied wrestling nerd may be interfering with my estimation of Jonny’s rapport with his attending.

Either way, feel better, Jonny. The wrestling ring will be noticeably less exciting until you’re back in it and on top of the heap once more.

Hump Day

April 30, 2014 wrestlebardLeave a comment

While I sort of despise the use of the phrase “hump day,” I have to admit today feels like a classic hump day. Grinding hips, anticipatory pleasure, the fun of friction… yeah, I’m feeling it today. Sort of like these studs…

humptyler — Drake Wild gets into the spirit, mounted atop Tyler St. James’ gorgeously muscled hump in Pro Sex Fight 10.

humpben — Aptly named Gold Shaft wears down the crevices in Glacier Blue in Masked Mayhem 11.

humpchristian — Immanently humpable Gabriel Ross makes the most out of long, lean, flexible Christian Taylor’s hot body, working a lip lock/hump combo in Wrestle Shack 18.

Letter from the Trenches

April 28, 2014December 19, 2022 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Neverland has been getting some interesting comments lately. Take a couple of weeks ago when I posted about my ongoing infatuation with Brit beauty Chris Xaos. It wasn’t that fellow Brit wrestler and BG East alum Neil Hewitt felt like I’d make any particular errors of commission, just errors of omission, as in I’d omitted to mention more British homoerotic wrestlers. I challenged Neil to give me glimpse of homoerotic wrestling life on the other side of the Atlantic to round out my taste for British fare, and the handsome stud promptly responded. I’m hoping to nail Neil to a full-on strip-stakes interview (well, at least an interview) sometime soon, but in the mean time, Neil gave me permission to share these updates in his own words. Americans, put on your British accent filter that invariably makes us feel a little outclassed, and enjoy these eloquent words of a hardworking hunk.

Hi there Wrestlebard!

Following-up your request to get you some more detail on other UK wrestlers for your Neverland site can I kick off with myself maybe to get you up to speed with at least one other UK wrestler!

I have added a few pics of myself from BG East and other pro-wrestling occasions and events so at least you know what I look like.
I’ve been wrestling since university and started in freestyle/amateur style moving on to submission wrestling and then into MMA and BJJ grappling. I always loved Pro-Wrestling and wanted to live the dream and become one but too late into life and after building my career I was able to get back into pro-style wrestling through wrestling in clubs and private matches with guys off contact websites like Meetfighters and Recon. I was discovered by a pro-wrestler at one of the shows who asked if I would train with them which I did and was lucky enough to get asked to do public shows with this promotion. I have now done about 14 shows so still in my early days for an ‘old guy’ like me who is very much of the ‘Old School’ type of pro wrestling; however it seems to go down well and for a guy over 50 I do OK I’m told!

I’ve now been asked to team-up with a Tag partner from the North East of the UK and we are going to be doing some shows during this year under our name: Team BadBoys (Billy and Robbie). We are training under Robbie Brookside-trained Steve Sim in Coventry and are looking forward to a successful season this year.

My career with BGEast is quite well known with my having done about 5 dvd’s now with Kid Leopard and the team there when he comes over to the UK annually. I still want to go over to his Boston and Florida bases to work there but he has so much choice now it must be difficult to squeeze me in. My BGE name is Neil Hewitt so you can look me up to see all the titles I have on the catalogs. My matches against Paul Christian and Grant and most recently Trevor Kingsley are covered well in the Forum of the BGE site and each of those wrestlers are all great in their own right. Paul is now a personal friend and we meet privately to practise our Pro technique as he and I both love the ring situation (he from a Heel perspective and me as the Blue-Eye jobber!).
Anyway enough for now but please feel free to look me up on Facebook too, where I am Robbie Neill, to see my career in photos as both a pro and private wrestler/grappler and my modelling career which continues apace here in London.

Look forward to hearing from you with any questions and requests and hope I get the opportunity of meeting you in person at some point in the States or here in London.

Take care and keep wrestling!!
Neil/Robbie

I think it’s ADORABLE that Neil thinks he has to send me pictures for me to know who he is. I’ve spilled plenty of bodily fluids on him (figuratively). Between you and me, I think the world would be a significantly brighter place were Neil and Mitch Colby to tag team all over some wet-behind-the-ears babyface rookies who haven’t yet managed to drink in public legally (in the US). And I’m determined to take him up on that face-to-face meeting at some point. In the mean time, here are those photos Neil promised.

Analyze This

April 26, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

Eye of the Cyclone’s character Exile combines several sexy fantasies all rolled up into one homoerotic hunk. His back story is that he was Billy, a straight-A university student who accidentally zapped himself into another dimension. Trapped in a fascist universe, he was disciplined and brainwashed into a sexy-assed motorcycle cop with superpowers including a laser motorcycle. Upon the end of his natural life in this alternate universe, he reverted back to his original life as a uni student, but now with the experiences and powers of a lifetime lived as a hardcore trooper warrior (with a killer hot bod).

So let’s count up the hotness. 1) Nerd hunk. 2) Hot cop. 3) Magical crotch-rocket. 4) Tragic bad boy backstory turned mysterious hero. 5) Rockin’ bod in skin-tight supersuit. It’s like Eye of the Cyclone dug down into my subconscious and fished out precisely the combination of guilty little pleasures necessary to make my knees buckle.

Speaking of my subconscious, Exile is featured in Eye of the Cyclone’s newest serial, “Snake Charmed,” cleverly playing off of Freudian theory to draw double (perhaps triple) entendres to both terrify and titilate me. Let me lie down on my couch and explain what I mean…

I’m terrified of snakes, as in, clinical phobia, full on panic attacks, cold sweats. I close my eyes when there are snakes in movies. Occasionally, I have to push mute if there’s too much spine-wrenching hissing. Of course you and I know the Freudian significance of snakes. Same as cigars. And trains. And the Washington monument. So go ahead with the jokes. A ‘mo with a phobia of the metaphorical phallus. It’s embarrassing…

So imagine the deep ambivalence I feel when I see Exile with his bulging muscles and highway patrol reflective sci-fi sunglasses suddenly attacked by 3 massive, flexing, aggressive snakes. There the stud was, showing up for a photo shoot for charity (sign me up for that beefcake calendar!), only to be swarmed by paralyzing phalluses grinding into every inch of his hotly muscled body. Wildly aroused and hyperventilating at the same time seems dangerous.

The story is just one chapter in, so I’m dying to know what happens to Exile next. I’m desperately hoping that this dreamboat nerd hunk manages to get his mojo back and tame the hungry serpents, though I’m aching to see Exile’s own trouser snake join in on the fun. As a wrestling fanatic, I’m also hoping that there are human hands involved in this confrontation, with my money on the fashion photographer as an undercover hardbodied super villain with a fetish fantasy involving dominating a hot cop. The line starts right behind me, buddy!

Our Man Inside

April 24, 2014 wrestlebard5 Comments

Our man inside BG East, or as one insightful observer recently referred to him, “OMI,” sent me a batch of catalog 103-related behind-the-scenes snapshots. These were actually sent before the release of catalog 103, but they got buried in my email while I was knocked down with an early spring illness. Happily, I’m getting back on top of things after my recovery, including digging out these hot pieces of awesome contraband smuggled out from the BG East camp. I have still heard no word of OMI’s unmasking, although my offer of a free dinner should we ever meet in person still stands. That is, he gets a free dinner from me if he isn’t drawn and quartered by the powers that be at BG East first…

If only this was self-snapped by bespectacled Kid Vicious, I’d argue this could be the homoerotic wrestling equivalent of Ellen’s Oscar’s selfie. As it is, this shot of Jonny Firestorm and KV manning the cameras with golden boy Austin Cooper in nothing but his underwear looking over the shoulders is still an incredibly hot, somewhat novel collection of devastatingly sexy man meat! The three of them look chummy, which may explain Austin’s fantastic heel turn a while back which he OWNS like a champ in his newest release, absolutely carving up newbie Leo Tomassi like a turkey dinner in Jobberpalooza 13. It seems like Austin is teetering on the edge of giving his hot pecs over totally to the dark side, and personally, I hope he keeps this company pictured here. More bad influence from two of the top heels in BG East can only promise more fantastically cruel performances from golden boy body beautiful heel Austin.

Along the lines of “the company you keep,” here’s Austin’s Jobberpalooza victim, Leo Tomasi, showing off his rippled abs with adorkable rookie Ty Alexander ready for stills. If Austin is getting his marching orders from Jonny and KV and Leo is getting introduced to the scene from crushable jobber-rising Ty, the handwriting was on the wall way before Leo got bullied and literally bloodied by relentlessly cruel Austin.

Here’s a pre-match photo of another golden boy muscle stud who appears to be making a play for turning his career around by dipping deep into the dark side of the Force. Did you see Braden Charron’s work with pretty Pete Sharp in Jobberpalooza 13?! Holy shit, I was completely blown away and shocked. I did NOT see that coming. Until now, Braden has been a tad too pretty, too sexy for his own good. All that mouthwatering meat and beauty have done nothing but draw out some of the most vicious and sadistic performances in even BG East’s babyface ranks. I saw a whole mountain of gorgeous hurt heading his way when I noticed he was to be Pete’s first ring opponent, because Pete may be pretty as a peach, but he’s also been incredibly dangerous in his first two outings on the mat. But wow. Just, wow! Braden pulls off what I have to think of as an upset, despite his extensive experience advantage, and watching him make every luscious inch of pretty, pretty Pete suffer is phenomenal! Pete’s got serious repair work to do on his rep, while Braden has convinced me he’s a lot more than a pretty face and a mouthwatering cock!

And again from Jobberpalooza 13, Guido Genatto came damn near close to literally breaking poor, insanely pretty Kip Sorrell. Seeing Guido stretched out on the couch, bespectacled, checking his email, with Ultimate Warrior (RIP) nestled between the tree trunks he calls his thighs, you’d never suspect the boiling rage he’s about to tap into the second he sees the very definition of a pretty boy, Kip, lacing up his boots. This is one of those matches where I get sucked in so deep that I grow genuinely concerned for Kip’s life and limb. Guido turning outmatched Kip into a little more than a life sized Ken doll, to be manhandled, manipulated, and humiliated like a despised plaything, is insanely sexy. Between Kip’s devastated gym body and Guido’s gargantuan, power packed physique, I can’t decide which I want to lick more, the mammoth crevice between Kip’s pecs or the lightly hairy expanse of Guido’s beautiful belly. Fuck that, let me trade places with that Ultimate Warrior pillow. NOW!

OMI has got testicles the size of beach balls! He’s slipped us a behind the scenes photo of the franchise himself, Kid Leopard, ready for taking stills and Jonny Firestorm, well… um… flat on his back, hands behind his head, apparently “on break.” For Jonny’s sake, I hope that’s a sanctioned nap-time.

Finally, OMI slipped out these two photos of rookie Kayden Keller looking handsome as hell and ready to unwrap like a Christmas present. The second shot, I notice, is a selfie, meaning that either OMI is Kayden or OMI has access to download photos from Kayden’s phone. If we hear that hot rookie heel Kayden is cleaning BG East toilets with his tongue in the near future, perhaps we’ll have finally learned OMI’s true identity. I hope not, though, because I imagine that might also be the last contraband we get from him. One way or another, I think OMI either IS Kayden, or OMI really, really like’s Kayden’s hot rookie body! Or both. I’d understand, either way.

Fanboy

April 21, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

This week I had the great pleasure to enjoy my second-ever “dinner with Dumont.” Before you ask, 1) no, there was no wrestling involved, 2) Lon wore baggy jeans and a fantastically tight, long-sleeve t-shirt stretched awesomely over his bulging pecs, and 3) this time I got a keepsake photo of the two of us that is instantly in my top 5 favorite possessions. Back to the narrative, the long-time favorite homoerotic wrestler of mine was back in my neck of the woods and fulfilling fan fantasies by treating me to dinner. That’s right, stud puppy extraordinaire and perpetual infatuation of mine, Lon Dumont, picked up the tab for dinner! Honestly, I believe that most people who I know well enough to treat me to dinner would describe me as clever, witty, and an engaging dinner date. But sitting across the table from a homoerotic wrestling infatuation like devastatingly hot Lon Dumont, I turn into a stammering fanboy.

lon2 — All I can see is devastatingly brutal Lon staring an opponent into quivering submission!

It’s like seeing double-vision. There’s this engaging, cool guy in front of me, and I’m also seeing Lon Dumont, body beautiful wrestling heel flexing his champion biceps in some lucky opponent’s awed face. Lon assured me that he has plans to be back through this way in a few months, raising for me the question of how many times would it take to have dinner with Dumont before I’m desensitized to the awe of it all and can be as engaging a dinner partner as I normally am (or like to think of myself as)?

vicious — Kid Vicious talks my language, except for the fact I’m completely tongue-tied.

It’s certainly happened to me before. On my pilgrimage to Pembroke, I got to meet and eat with some of the hottest wrestling heels to recur repeatedly in my fondest homoerotic wrestling fantasies on camera and in my imagination. I had questions prepared. I was planning on documenting the conversations to share, in my typical overdrawn and pedantic way, with all of you. And then there I was, talking to Kid Vicious, who was engaging, thoughtful, and downright philosophical in parsing apart the politics and polemics of homoerotic wrestling. In other words, he was talking my language! But there I was, stumbling over my tongue and finding myself with clinically diagnosable aggressively intrusive thoughts, in particular picturing KV stripped down to trunks and threatening to tear an opponent’s balls off.

Same lunch, same place, and Jonny Firestorm was the same way. Chatter, shop talk, the awkward revelation that Jonny doesn’t follow neverland closely enough to realize he was at one point my homoerotic wrestler of the month. So many opportunities to ask an insightful question, probe as the investigative blogger I imagine myself to be, and honestly, the only thing I could do was stare in awe at Jonny’s gargantuan forearms and picture him wringing the life out of hot piece of jobber meat.

Not surprisingly, the worst was meeting Kid Leopard. By “worst,” of course, I mean, the most paralytic for me, a completely awestruck, drooling fanboy. KL was a fantastic host, showing me around the grounds, letting me see where the magic is made in the ring, on the mats, in the gazebo, in the wrestle shack. He was generous and engaging, and I felt like I couldn’t string together more than 3 words at a time. Is English my first language? Why do I suddenly have a 3rd grade vocabulary!? Holy fuck, I just kept swallowing hard, completely at the mercy of the image of KL prying apart some fabulously hot hunk playing on repeat from my memory.

Hopefully, I’ll keep getting opportunities to meet these men of my wrestling fantasies, and hopefully, someday, I’ll be able to pull off more than just the thick-tongued stammering of a star struck fanboy.

Mixing Genres

April 16, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

I don’t have to tell you that I have my favorites. My fancy does flit from time to time, but there are some regular objects of my adoration that stay firmly rooted in my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. I cannot stress enough how thrilled I am to report that two of those perennial fantasy men face one another in BG East’s recently new release Gazebo Grapplers 16. Lon Dumont, long-time holder of the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler and past winner of wrestler of the month, climbs out of the ring and into the Gazebo to face Denny Cartier, two-time homoerotic wrestler of the month and fanastically intense mat specialist.

lon — Lon hits the mats and takes on muscle mat man Denny Cartier.

Seeing Lon barefoot for the first time just about does me in within seconds of this confrontation starting. My #1 pro wrestler turned bodybuilder turned homoerotic wrestler (not that I have a title for that, but really, who else is there to compete!?) is in his shaved head and insanely lean, competition ready form. And I kid you not, the fearless lightweight bruiser looks downright nervous stepping onto the mat! The undercurrent of vulnerability lying just beneath the surface of Lon’s irrepressible invincibility, paired his bare feet, are incredibly hot.

Denny is a work of art in a totally different way. Where Lon is aesthetically gorgeous, with a body crafted by a fine artist, Denny is functionally sexy as hell, with a body forged by a hardcore artisan. Denny is powerful, with muscles pounded into their bulging, beautiful form by years of amateur wrestling and MMA. There’s a luxurious thickness to Denny’s physique that stands in stark contrast to the whittled, diamond cut leanness of Lon. I’m enthralled by this contrast, and if I had to choose just one of these studs to worship, I think my head would explode trying to decide which.

lon6 — Lon’s power and beauty leave Denny (and me) breathless!

I’m also blown away by Lon’s offense. He translates the mastery of a pro wrestling heel to the Gazebo mats with amazing skill. Confident, smirking Denny is leveled by sucker punches and knees to the gut. All of Denny’s flexibility and speed sort of whimper and writhe impotently early going as Lon grabs the momentum with both hands and throttles it with the tenacity of a badger.

lon4 — Denny displays Lon’s competition-ready physique magnificently!

When Denny’s mat expertise finally comes clawing it’s way on top, again I’m stunned by the way he displays the award winning physique of his screaming opponent. He repeatedly comes close to ripping Lon’s legs off at the hip, giving a stunning look at the bodybuilder’s quivering groin. And just to prove that he’s not in the least intimidated by the wall of deeply ridged abdominal muscles staring at him, Denny digs his elbow deep into Lon’s core, determined to shred the hunk’s strong suit.

lon3 — Lon has to dig deep to knock the mat specialist off his game.

But regular readers will not be surprised by my deep satisfaction and arousal at watching Lon finally pull his gorgeously hot ass out of the fire and go ape shit all over the overwhelmed mat specialist. His fingers dig so deep into Denny’s luscious pecs that I’m left wondering is he’s going to claw the tattooed hunk’s heart out! Lon doesn’t just wring the most submissions out of his withering opponent, he sucks the life out of him, leaving stunningly hot and dangerous Denny melted into a pool of agony. I honestly didn’t know what to expect from this pro wrestler vs mat specialist on the mat match, but I didn’t expect the way Lon owns the Gazebo and stunningly weaves every natural strength he has into this novel setting. The attitudes are intense. After stunningly hot silence early on, the trash talk finally starts to pick up, including Denny getting stokes into some cocky crowing. Schoolboy pins with lovely packages delivered right to the doorstep of both stud’s chins transport me. I absolutely love this concept (pitting different combat styles against one another), and Denny and Lon sell it like I’d expect these perennial favorites to do it: all in, sexy as hell, and leaving me breathless!

lon5 — Lon keeps bashing until Denny is literally left defenseless.

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