A Magical Christmas

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I am feeling so cynical this year! Yesterday I contemplated my support of a violent people’s revolution in the North Pole to depose the tyrannical Santa Claus and empower “his” elves to self-determination. Today, I’m watching YouTube videos of the bizarre Christmas tradition at the Beverly Center and thinking this holiday has surely lost any point.

It appears every year for the past few years hot stud James Ellis has made an appearance as Santa with sideshow girls in the Beverly Center in LA (of course). Hot fitness stud James Ellis arrives with his pecs freshly oiled and an entourage of acrobats ready to spread their legs and hang bound from the ceiling (I’m not exaggerating… check it out). Go ahead. Tell me that’s not some twisted BDSM fantasy. I dare you.

This clip from the second half of the show (jumping ahead to some serious display of meat) can serve no purpose other than to frighten children and arouse gay men. A hunky mall Santa is so completely wasted. Now replace the XX chromosomes with more hot, shirtless men in spandex, and transport the whole scene to a gay pride (or a BDSM convention), and this whole thing would finally hit its mark.
Either Christmas has strayed from the childlike wonder and innocent magic that I remember from my youth, or else sex has always been at the heart of the holiday and I’m only now able to recognize it as an adult. Excuse me while I cue up the video again to ogle James Ellis and the acrobat boy suspended from the ceiling by a rope in part deux, starting right around 02:19.
Wishing everyone a hot and sexy Christmas Eve this evening (because that’s what it’s all about, right?)!

In Support of Elf-kind

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I think Santa Claus gets way too much credit. The way I see it, he’s little better than the corporate CEO’s who get all the attention and obscene amounts of compensation while the worker bees get downsized. Come on! It’s clearly the elves who are the material means of production in the operation. But what child is clamoring to climb up on some elf’s lap and inflate his ego? And have you seen Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer lately? Santa comes across as quite the intolerant bigot with more than a hint of homophobia. And he’s a bastard to his sincere, industrious elves.
So I’m all for promoting elves today. Orlando Bloom as the elf Legolas in the Lord of the Rings jumps to the front of my mind. Yes, indeed, I’d much, much, much rather sit on his lap than that jelly-filled tyrant of the North Pole.
Personally, I’d support a proletariat revolution of the elves. I’m in complete sympathy with any effort they make to reclaim the political power imbued in the capital production of their labor. I’m not advocating for Santa to be assassinated or anything. But I wouldn’t blame them for sentencing him to a remote work camp where he had to get back in touch with his rightful place in a just economy by assembling Christmas toys until his fingers bleed.
Orlando Bloom as the social revolutionary elf wresting the socio-political and economic control of elf society away from their bourgeois exploiter is a hot concept, I think (maybe it’s just one too many eggnogs). Orlando in his pointy ears, fighting in the trenches and inspiring all elfkind with his shirtless leadership is a blockbuster waiting to happen.
Santa Claus ought to look over his shoulder, I think. While he literally grows fat off of the exploitation of his despised workers, the longing for liberation and justice can’t help but be bubbling just beneath the surface. Perhaps when Santa returns from his once-yearly grandstanding, handing out the produce of millions of elf-hours of uncompensated labor as if it were his own, this year he just might find there’s been a coup in the North Pole. Perhaps December 26 will be remembered by generations of elves to come as the Glorious Day of the Revolution. My heart is with them in their struggle for elf-dignity and self-determination.
And I’m first in line to sit on comrade Bloom’s lap.

The Olympic Spirit

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The 2010 Olympics are just a month and a half away! It used to be that I couldn’t generate a lot of heat for the winter sports. Too many clothes, too much shrinkage due to the cold… but then I discovered speed skating. More accurately, I discovered speed skaters.

What do you get when you train an athlete’s body to have zero body fat, maintain a low center of gravity, and be in a perpetual squat and a continual sprint? You get the bizarrely gorgeous proportions of speed skater. The monster quads, gargantuan butts, and teeny-tiny little waists on international caliber speed skaters warm me up on cold winter nights every four years or so.
When I first noticed the godlike proportions of speed skaters in those tights that squeeze, lift, and mold to every crack, crevice and bulge of their bodies, there was just a dull roar in my ears as the blood went rushing out of my skull. But after I recuperated, gasping and sweaty, and I was able to hear clearly again, I was thrilled by the drama that seems to accompany speed skating recently.
The last winter Olympics spotlighted the super egos and trash talk of the top tier speed skaters. Seriously, these boys need to strip to their underwear and climb into a pro-wrestling ring, because they’ve got the megalomania and testosterone-drunk swagger to compete with any pro-wrestler.
Generally, I’ve had to use my imagination to catch a glimpse of some serious skin on these gods on ice. Then Apolo Ohno did this provocative ad for the Red campaign for Gap. God bless him for his choice to wear the product as a headband, and nothing else.
Then I stumbled across these fan-freaking-tastic photos by photographer John Andresen of Norwegian speed skater Mats Roger Jensen. I can tell from these pics that there are at least three people in love with Mats’ body: me, the photographer, and Mats. All Olympic speed skaters should be required (REQUIRED I SAY!) to get sprayed down and pose in their underwear like this. Look at that ass! I can’t take my eyes off it! Just imagine him wrapping those slabs of beef that are his quads around some poor guy’s midsection, lacing his ankles together, and then squeezing.
Mats will be making an appearance in my wrestling fiction if I can find some brave soul who could face those incredible quads without pissing himself.

God, I can’t wait for the winter Olympics!

Giving and Receiving

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Do I still have time to submit my wish list? I’d be happy to find that Santa left Chris Geary’s fellow go-go boy lover, Erick, under my tree. Well, any nearly-to-entirely naked, tattooed hunk ready to get slammed, squeezed and submitted before being worshipped under the mistletoe would do.

I’m playing Santa these magical days between the solstice and the big day. I got the message from several naughty boys that they’re waiting for some new wrestling stories to be delivered. I have several just about ready to be wrapped in big red bows and dropped down the chimney. I haven’t had time to work on more than one at a time for a while, but for the holidays, I’ve been putting in some extra work in Santa’s workshop to pump out four in a row.
But back to me and my wish list. I sat on Santa’s lap a few days ago (“is that a lump of coal in your pocket, Santa, or are you just happy to see me?”). I whispered into his ear my heart’s desire for some of Santa’s helpers to send me what I really want for Christmas: some homoerotic wrestling stories from my fellow kinksters. In the past nine months, I’ve posted more than sixty stories from the depths of my wrestling fetish, sharing with you some of my twisted imagination. What I’d like for Christmas this year is a little glimpse into your twisted imagination. I’m hoping, wishing, longing for Santa to deliver me some kinky wrestling fiction from you fellow lovers of the homoerotic wrestling arts to share with the dozens of fans of wrestling fiction, first and foremost: me.
I know I’ve been naughty this year. So I’m looking for the type of well-muscled, big chested, shirtless Santa that likes to reward naughty gay boys with their hearts’ desires. I’ll be posting my first new wrestling match in Sidelineland this afternoon to help keep you warm on the longest night of the year (for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere). Then I’m going to curl up in front of my tree and fall asleep, in the hopes of finding some presents waiting for me when I wake up.

Battle of the Gods, continued

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I’m sure it’s just me, but once again I notice that just days after SteelMuscleGod posts a muscle worship video, Adam400m puts one up. They probably don’t realize it, but they’re engaged in some fierce body-on-body competition in my imagination, and the tide may be turning once more.
SteelMuscleGod has posted a bald-face appeal for worshippers to bid on a private show somewhere in Europe. Snarling his pitch, SMG strips off his body-hugging top and gives a brief preview of what could be yours (to lease) in person. With his stunning upper body, the last time I had pictured it, I imagined SMG barely enduring a long, tortuous body scissor from Adam400m, relying on those rippled abs to prevent him from suffering serious internal injuries. Then SMG clamped on a dizzying headlock, followed by a bearhug, before finally wearing Adam down to his knees and commanding the Brit to worship him.

Taking a look at Adam400m’s post of a leg workout and posing session (complete with unabashed body worship by the cameraman), has made me reconsider if these two warriors are, in fact, done with their battle. I’m imagining that just as Adam is tracing his tongue across SMG’s washboard abs in seeming surrender, his eyes flicker open, finally catching his breath and coming back to his senses. Continuing to worship SMG into his own distracted reverie, Adam licks his way up to the crevice between SMG’s thunderous pecs. Just as SMG’s deep, husky voice fades into indistinct moans of pleasure, Adam knees him in the crotch, doubling his opponent forward.

With SMG clutching his assaulted balls, Adam shoves his opponent’s head between his gargantuan quads and squeezes. His legs flash hard and striated, the veins rising to the surface, as SMG’s screams of anguish are muffled between Adam’s upper legs, each one as thick as SMG’s waist. SMG’s body is shaking and convulsing in muffled sobs as he slowly drops to his knees, frantically trying to pull his opponent’s legs apart enough to pop free his head.
Adam slowly grinds his hips in tight rotations, his abdominals constricting in waves like a python. The irrepresible, cocky confidence of the SteelMuscleGod is reduced to sobs of pain as he tries punching his fists into the slabs of beef crushing his skull. The punches have no effect other than to bruise SMG’s knuckles. “When gods are brought to their knees, it’s time for them to do some worshipping,” Adam says, a light chuckle in his voice.
Again, I’m just saying…

What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)

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When I was a teenager, I remember Tommy Zenk coming through the local wrestling operation for a year or two. He was a knight in shining armor. Tommy was over-the-top good guy, rule follower, gracious interview, full of gratitude for his screaming fans desperate to worship him. I saw his confident, innocent smile. Then I saw those freaktastic huge shoulders. Then I saw that broad, sexy chest and the skinny waist. Then I saw his incredibly muscular ass squeezed into those brief trunks, and then… boiing!… I was gay.

I saw him in various incarnations across his career (Tom Zenk, the Z-Man, half of Can-Am Connection). But seared in my personal development as a gay man with a wrestling kink is that early chapter in his career when he blew into town and was unstoppable. In a daring storyline, Tommy was the boyscout face who tore through the bad guys like a buzz saw. He was undefeated week after week as the girls screamed near hysteria when he climbed on top of man after man, pinning them to their backs. When this sweaty, heavily muscled man pumped his fist in the air victoriously, I was ready to pop.
I’m certain that the first moment I noticed a pro-wrestler with shaved armpits was in the middle of lustfully worshipping Tommy as the ref lifted his arm in victory. I certainly don’t mind hairy pits, but for a while there, I wanted nothing but smooth skin stretched across bulging muscles, a la Tommy.
My favorite Tommy match came much later, but it remains a cherished memory. After Flyin’ Brian Pillman finally cracked under the pressure of trying to uphold his end of the saccharine sweet tag team with the Z-Man, he turned heel. Tommy and Brian developed a brutal rivalry. When they met in the ring, it was a tit-for-tat show. The storyline, though, argued that Tommy was the superior wrestler, while Pillman held his own with his new found guile and rule-breaking. The match ended with a draw when the clock ran out, but the boys kept battling as the screen faded to commercial.
Wiki tells us that Tommy is now working for a hedge fund (seriously? people still do that?). Flyin’ Brian has long since died tragically, as have so many pro-wrestler who made me the gay wrestling fetishist I am today. In my memory and imagination, though, they all continue to do battle, strutting and flexing and slamming and squeezing, reminding me why it is two hardbodies in trunks make me so happy to be gay.

Shaved for Your Pleasure

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So let’s get this straight: I do not believe consistency is, necessarily, a virtue. I’m unashamed by self-contradiction. Take, for example, my obsession with hair pulling. Love it. Totally into it. Write it into just about every wrestling match I write. A nice, thick head of hair waiting to get yanked around is sweet in my book.

Then I go and find myself obsessing about wrestlers with shaved heads. Lon Dumont (I keep wanting to call him Lou, for some reason), got me careening down this path. I just saw him in his debut match for BG East, and I’m instantly a fan. He tells an awesome story, with a lot of smart banter. He sports genuine swagger. He has a fantastic whimper when he’s suffering. And when he’s in control, he’s brutal. But it’s that sweat-soaked scalp that’s sending me over the top. I must see more of this savage warrior!

Finding myself obsessing about Lon’s shaved head makes me take stock. I’m a fan of a lot of shaved heads in the ring, when I think about it. Kid Vicious has been looking beefier and balder in every new product he puts out for BG East. My desperate hope is that KV’s giving Lon some sadistic heel training behind the scenes, and someday we’ll see the both of them destroying and dominating helpless hunks side-by-side.
Can-Am classic, John Thor was a hairless musclegod built for worship. With a metabolism of a tit-mouse, he always worked up a dripping sweat instantly in the ring. And he was very generous with letting us admire every corner and crevice of his astonishing anatomy.
Mikey Vee was a handsome bastard with a full head of hair. Now that he’s shaving it, he’s metamorphosed into a fantastically sexy beast. Mikey will surely merit his own edition of “Bodies Over Time.” It doesn’t hurt, in my book, that his bold and beautiful ink has also been growing. But I’m sure it does hurt (a lot) to have that massive man clamp his python arms around your neck from behind and smile Zen-like as you pass out.
There are plenty of pros that could always capture me with their perfect pates. Tyson Tomko and Bobby Lashley pull off the shaved head masterfully.
So as much as I’m enamored with the moment when a hunk gets hoisted up by his long locks, I’m also entirely into shaved-heads as well these days. Life is a paradox. That’s what makes it interesting.

Serial Skin

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The Dexter season finale shocked and awed this past Sunday. Indicative of any good season finale, I’m desperately anticipating the start of the next season. I’m so easily manipulated.

As I’ve mentioned (frequently), my one criticism of Dexter is the bizarre lack of hunk skin. Other than the corpses, not even a lot of shirtless goes on, which seems odd for a series set in balmy Miami. Worst of all, we’ve seen very little uncovered of Michael C. Hall’s title character. Clearly, Michael’s got the goods. He’s just not sharing his loveliness with the rest of us.
Thank God for superherofan and the find of some hot captures of Michael from the movie Gamer. Didn’t see it; will likely own it now that I learn there are some fight scenes featuring Gerard Butler, Milo Ventimiglia, and the man whose ass could launch a thousand ships: Michael.
I have a fictional wrestling match written featuring Michael that, understandably, digresses into body worship. Of the sparse views of Michael’s body I’ve seen, I’ve never seen an angle that doesn’t turn my crank.
And speaking of angles and crank turning, the glimpse of Michael’s gorgeous round cheeks poking out over the top of his pants here is such a cock-tease. That fantastically shaped ass can’t help but spark the imagination to run wild. My imagination is certainly sparked. I’m predicting Michael will be back in the wrestling ring in my imagination soon.

Art and Legibility

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A very generous reader recently commented that he enjoyed my poetry. I think that the last time that I self-consciously composed a poem was when my third grade English teacher assigned me the task. So I assume that the reference is a nod to my writing here. At times, I think what I write here is nearly unintelligible when I look back and pick through the typos. Perhaps that might lend it an air of artistry to some. Perhaps it’s nearly so unintelligible as to be mistaken for art.

In any case, I’m flattered because I’m a complete sucker for a compliment (take note, in case you ever need to ask me for anything). That said, I have a massive task of writing prose today that makes me have to cut short my daily composition here. Sadly, my writing task for the day has nothing to do with the joys of beautiful men or wrestling.
So I’m simply posting some pics of model Josh Wald, whose gorgeously tattooed body speaks volumes all on its own. Enjoy, and talk amongst yourselves.

The Title Changes Hands

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BG East Catalog 80 has been posted, and I’ve had my first look at Mitch Colby’s Wrestler Spotlight and Fantasymen 32. I’m blown away by new fantasyman Lon Dumont: gorgeous body, fantastic ring presence, and captivating persona that tells me this guy is no rookie. But the performances I’ve been most anticipating come from the newly re-crowned homoerotic wrestling pornboy champion: Mitch Colby.
Yes, Mitch has narrowly unseated Derek da Silva for my “affections.” It was not Mitch’s match with pornboy-pornboy Peter Stallion that made him recapture my loyalties. That match was, as I was concerned it might be, a little disappointing. It’s primarily a series of leg scissors and preening schoolboy pins. Mitch ups the heat with some nice ass grabs and some decent intensity, but Peter lacks ferocity. I think the director realizes that this just isn’t quite selling, because the match is over very quickly.
Mitch’s match with newcomer Marc Rion definitely did contribute to Mitch’s successful challenge of Derek da Silva for the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler. BG East’s description of this product is right on the money. Marc looks star struck and gives every impression that he’s just stunned by his luck in having a chance to worship Mitch. I feel like I’ve been peeping in the window, catching Mitch bringing a date home. Marc shows up ready to worship, but Mitch demands some mat action first. The wrestling only fires up these boys more, with stolen kisses and stroked cocks showing up from go. The wrestling isn’t much more creative than Mitch’s match with Peter Stallion, frankly, but unlike Peter, Marc is intensely present and committed to adoring Mitch’s body. Marc and Mitch and Mitch on Marc are pleasing.
But honestly, it’s Mitch’s match with BG East veteran, Patrick Donovan, that forced me to remove the crown from Derek’s head and replace it atop Mitch’s 6’2″ frame. Patrick is clearly in league with Satan, since he does not age. He sells himself and Mitch throughout this match. He suffers. He snarls with contempt. The boys sell this match as a closely fought competition: competition of bodies, competition of wrestling, competition of bearhugs. Sweat pours off both of them in streams, and the longer the competition goes, the fiercer and nastier they get. This match offers even portions of the homoerotic and the wrestling, and I’m thrilled with that recipe.
Derek remains the top contender for another chance at the crown that goes to my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy. But it needs to be said, Lon Dumont could get a title shot very early in his career if he’s ready to take that humiliating domination a little more to the homo side of things.