Out of 128 votes cast, Rio Garza pulled just over 45% of the ballots to slap down perennial poll powerhouse Aryx Quinn (37%) and luscious one-hit wonder Brian Bodine (18%). As a rule, I generally never count out Rio or Aryx when it comes to fan support, so this was a fascinating head-to-head, making me wonder whether Brian’s respectable 18% threw the balloting one direction or the other. We’ve seen Aryx crushing Rio, and we’ve seen Aryx crushing Brian. If there are homoerotic wrestling gods, I pray that they will throw the three of these hot hunk into the same arena with one pair of trunks to fight over between the three of them. Congratulations to Rio, who never fails to look stunningly gorgeous in absolutely anything!
Aryx cannot be happy to lose to mouthwatering babyface perennial jobber Rio!
Today’s Friday Fashion poll was another tip to me from eagle-eyed fashionista Dan. Trent Blayze wore, appropriately enough, blazingly hot indigo trunks with silver flames when he ran headlong into the steamroller we know as big Joe Robbins in Pec Bash 2. Fast forward to catalog 101, and we find Aryx Quinn, yet again, daring to don the same gear and begging for a fashion comparison in his Masked Mayhem massacre over Muscle Mask. Handsome hunks. Hot bodies. Beautiful bulges. Awesome attitudes. Both have scored homoerotic wrestler of the month trophies here at neverland, but when it comes to that particular pair of trunks, who wore it best?
Trent Blayze is devastatingly handsome, an incredibly sexy wrestler, and tough enough to make anyone thing twice about questioning his “flaming” choice of trunks. But did he wear it best?Aryx is back in the mix this week to try to redeem himself from last week’s fashion loss. He owns everything and everyone he comes into contact with in the ring, including those trunks. But in a head to head with Trent, did Aryx wear it best?
In the wrestling ring, stunningly pretty Troy Baker very seldom tallied victories. In fact, in most cases that adonis body of his took a brutal thrashing that made him many him the #1 muscle jobber of many fans. But when it comes to fashion, and in particular, when it comes to those metallic gold, barely there posing trunks, Troy put unlucky Kieran Dunne on his back and shoved poor Kieran’s face in that shiny golden pouch. The carnage was absolute. By a vote of 93 to 30 (as of this posting), the beautiful blond beauty Baker boy pounded the living shit out of Kieran when it comes to which hunk fans think wore it best. When Troy makes his (never even rumored) hypothetical comeback, I think it should be an in the ring, against Kieran, battle for the briefs as both hot hunks wrestle naked to see which dazzling stud gets to wear this dazzling gear again.
It’s hard to argue with that.
Today’s Friday Fashion poll draws from the Can-Am crew. Specifically, Can-Am printed its name across the asses of their wrestlers on a few occasions, including their dotcom buttercup trunks worn in two of the Arena series DVDs. I believe first to wear them was a one-hit wonder I’d love to see hit up again (and again), gorgeously muscled Brian Bodine in Arena 1. Talk about a party foul, when dangerous hunk Aryx Quinn showed up to take on Brian as Rusty Stevens’ sloppy seconds, Aryx was wearing the same gear. Then, to irk Aryx I’m sure, Rio Garza slipped his underwear model body inside the same buttercup trunks with Can-Am’s name and logo stitched across his fine, fine ass in Arena 3. I’m unilaterally declaring that all three of these beautiful bodies could never go wrong in absolutely anything/nothing, but the difficult question you have to ask yourself is “who wore it best?”.
Brian Bodine had terrible, terrible luck drawing both Rusty Stevens and Aryx Quinn in Arena 2, but there’s nothing about luck when it comes to how supremely fine he looked in, then out, of that gear. But did he wear it best?The legions of Aryx-fans know that he’s the total package: rockin’ bod, nasty attitude, and full throttle wrestling. But in the more nuanced battle of fashion, the question remains. Did he wear it best?Rio Garza tends to make fans foam at the mouth. The competitive physique star and fitness model has proven to one audience after another he’s golden, if when he gets that beautiful ass beaten time and time again. He always, always looks so good, but did he wear it best?
In a “fresh tugs” edition of Tuesday Trunk Pulls, there’s a big crop of trunk pulls in the new release section at BG East. I mean, a lot! If you need a little extra leverage, if you need a little handle to get everything in just the right position, always feel free to grab hold of the tiniest tether: your opponent’s trunks. And if there’s a camera nearby, treat the rest of us to a little pre-Christmas unwrapping party!
In Tag Team Torture 17, the 3-way barnburner between Jonny Firestorm, Mike Pitt, and Cameron Matthews gets vicious fast. Never one to shy away from jerking on his opponent’s trunks (and showing off some beefy ass), here Jonny drags Mike’s hips off the mat by his straining trunks.An equal opportunity brutalizer, Jonny shows the same disrespect to Cameron Matthews, with the added bonus of showing us why Cameron is always a contender for the best butt award.In a “reap-what-you-sow” morality tale, Jonny discovers that payback is both a bitch and a vicious wedgie when Cameron drags his fine ass across the ring by a double-fistful of Jonny’s purple trunks.Ethan Andrews does not need any additional advantage to completely squash, obliterate, and trounce lovely, lithe Lauden Sevior. But that doesn’t stop him from taking sick satisfaction in yanking on the go-go boy’s jock strap and long, flowing locks to add humiliation to total physical domination in Passion & Punishment.Jonah Richards grabs everything he can to subdue fellow Raunchy Rookie Ken Okeda.In Hunkbash 15 Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) spends about 40% of the bout with his fingers yanking on Rio Garza’s trunks. Understandably.Raunchy rookies know not to let a little fabric or “rule” get in the way, such as when Kayden “Hungry like the Wolf” Kayden pries Ty’s hips out of the corner with a severe yank on the trunks, in order to set him up for more gut punching brutality.
While I ran with the herd for many of BG East’s 2013 Best ofs, I was on my own for most of the categories. That works for me. I’m on the record many times over celebrating diverse tastes among homoerotic wrestling fans. If we were all getting our cranks turned by the exact same products, what a narrower and less vibrant scene this would be! That said, I want to tip my hat to the winners as well as make my final case for my picks that didn’t materialize. Here are a few…
It was Jake Jenkins who, for the second year running, owned Babyface of the Year for 2013. Jake is one of the most earnest, hottest, hardest hunks in the business, so it’s no wonder at all he gets this award another go round. I, however, had to reluctantly turn my back on Jake when I cast my ballot for…
… the paradigmatic babyface, Brad Rochelle. I tell you, the earth fucking shook when Brad stormed back into the ring in catalog 100! He’s not as fresh or young as Jake, but I’ll be damned if watching Brad work his magic in three separate matches (that’s 4 opponents… 5 if you count some sucker punches by Jonny!) reminded me hard why he is THE star of so many of my fondest homoerotic wrestling fantasies. Sure, I’ll give you, there may have been a smidge of nostalgia in my vote, but when I look back on the babyface that will define 2013 for me, it’s got to be Brad.
You, the majority, selected Jonny Firestorm as Heel of the Year 2nd year in a row. I do not quibble about this in the least. Jonny is, day in and day out, catalog after catalog, the most dominant presence of punishment at BG East. Incredibly sexy and dangerous, he’s an ideal top heel. I totally agree, except…
… when it comes to the perfect combination of bone chilling terrifying and blood pumping supercharged erotic, I’ll always break toward the one who is so vicious it’s in his name. Kid Vicious is always at the top of my list when it comes to brutality and pitch-perfect erotic domination.
The majority broke for Rio Garza as Jobber of the Year for the second year running. Again, I do not quibble with Rio’s supreme beauty, nor his epic qualifications for this title. When it comes to sheer beauty amplified by being crushed, there’s no one more beautiful or crushable. However…
… looking only at their 2013 releases, I have to say, Z-Man crushed it when it came to getting crushed, at least for me. He’s come such a long way, and honestly, the mystique of “maybe this time” sticks to him like rubber cement, making me tune in over and over to see if he sells suffering on that steadily rising learning curve he’s been on once again. No disrespect to Rio at all, but I’m totally convinced that Z-Man was top jobber this year.
I freely admit that I shocked myself by NOT voting for the eventual winner (2nd year in a row) for Best Bulge, Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!). Mr. Joshua’s mammoth package is hard to argue with, though I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to give it a severe tongue lashing. It’s like a third wrestler in the ring, anytime he shows up for work. I’ve been going on and on about Mr. Joshua’s oversized baggage for years, but…
… I was absolutely hypnotized by the humungous produce stuffed down Pretty Pete Sharp’s trunks in his gazebo bout with Kid Karisma. I won’t be satisfied until I see these boys side by side, cock by cock, balls by balls, with a measuring stick in my hand and their trunks at their ankles, of course. But talk about presence! Kid K was literally having to wrestle around that gargantuan bulge (because clearly Pretty Pete has a contract rider that requires the boys to keep their hands off… for now…). There are no trunks built that can entirely cover Pretty Pete’s bulge entirely, not when the action gets nice and intense. I say it again, I’m shocked to say I didn’t vote for Mr. Joshua, but I stand by my opinion that Pretty Pete’s bulge was most impressive in 2013.
Best Body is, I think, the second toughest call to make in this poll. And I don’t begrudge Z-Man one bit for winning, particularly since he didn’t get Jobber of the Year. It’s been said by better men than me that Z-Man’s consistent, phenomenal conditioning is superhuman. Day after day, this stunning stud shows up ripped and gorgeous. He unseated last year’s winner Rio Garza, and I wouldn’t criticize the taste of anyone who thought he was top bod in 2013. But for me…
… Kid Karisma was from front to back, top to bottom, the hottest body competing in 2013. Kid K’s thighs absolutely dwarf Z-Man’s, and although Z-Man’s bod is stunningly gorgeous, I have to say Kid K’s conditioning in 2013 was un-fucking-believable. There’s not an ounce of anything other than mouthwatering beautiful, rock hard muscles on this man. Of course he has the Best Butt. But body part by body part and in sum total, I was most moved by Kid Karisma as Best Body last year.
I’ll save the rest of my lone wolf picks, but for now, let me just say again how much I respect all the winners and runners- up. And let me remind you again that you have until the end of the month to get the winning matches at a 25% discount!
It’s all subjective, of course, which makes debating which homoerotic wrestlers are sexiest, most accomplished, most entertaining, etc. both a joy and a farce. Some pics of recently-released matches have been hypnotizing me with some truly gorgeous, come-hither, tantalizingly beautiful eyes. I’m sure you’d pick out a different line up to epitomize the sexiest eyes in the business, but boldly embracing the eye-of-the-beholder angle, my thoughts today are about the hunks who hold my gaze most powerfully with their piercing, provocative stares.
There’s nothing short of exquisitely beautiful about lovely Rio Garza, but his deep, brown eyes are simply riveting!Gazing into Pretty Pete Sharp’s eyes are like bathing in a glacier fed mountain lake – almost too thrilling to stand!Thus far Vic Madonehas been a one-hit-wonder at BG East, but I’m hoping to see more of him. His eyes coo, “I’m going to fuck you sweetly,” while his hot bod and nasty wrestling promise, “I’m just going to fuck you up!”Michael Vineland has such a hot body unquestionably made for nothing better than fuck-stakes wrestling, but he’s got the blue steel and cheekbones of a fashion model.Sky blue irises!? What sort of genetic lottery winner do you have to be to have the body of a Norse god, dimpled chin of a Hollywood leading man, and sky blue irises!? You have to be my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler and homoerotic wrestler of the month, Kid Karisma.While we’re on the topic of genetic lottery winners, there’s the perpetually fit physique phenom, Z-Man, with dramatic eyes straight out of Lawrence of Arabia.I once described Chace LaChance as a gogo boy, but lately he looks more like he eats gogo boys for breakfast. The boy is huge, devastatingly powerful, and aesthetically about as picture perfect for my tastes as just about anyone. But whenever I linger for just a moment on those beautiful brown eyes, I can’t help but picture them on the pillow next to me, smiling back at me in the morning.
Sure, “hump day” has a nice ring to it, but I know I’m not alone in enjoying taking time out in the middle of the week to appreciate the fine art that is a Tree of Woe. The ToW portrays such vulnerability, such anticipation, capturing so much back story and foreshadowing impending doom on the horizon…. just like most Wednesdays in my life. Here are a few choice ToW’s to put the torture of Wednesday into homoerotic wrestling perspective.
New Pro Wrestling’s hunky Viper gets hung out to dry in a ToW in Irish Lads of the Ring 4.BG East’s Cole Cassidy digs that elbow deep into the throbbing, massive bulge of sweaty, suffering stud Derek Da Silva in Cole’s Wrestler Spotlight.Cocky goldenboy Austin Cooper strings lean fighting machine Eli Black up and uses him as a punching bag at Rock Hard Wrestling.Austin seems to have a taste for making an opponent suffer in a ToW, because he does it yet again to bodybuilder beauty Lucas (aptly named) Payne at Rock Hard Wrestling.But Austin learns that Karma’s a bitch when new hardbodied hottie Trent Novak dishes out a heaping helping of what Austin’s been serving to everyone else at Rock Hard Wrestling.Ken Mason learns what’s worse than being stuck between a rock (Kid Leopard) and a hard place (Kid Vicious): being stuck there in a ToW in BG East’s Tag Team Torture 1.BG East’s Kid Vicious has absolutely everything singlehandedly in hand when it comes to exploiting the vulnerable muscles of Jeff Jordan in a ToW in Demolition 2.Rio Garza forcibly puts the breaks on the vicious heel tactics of Jobe Zander with an unapologetic crotch crushing ToW in Can-Am’s Rio’s Revenge.Perhaps the very definition of a babyface beatdown, BG East’s Joe Mazetti kicks the crap out of an achingly young and beautiful Brad Rochelle in Hunkbash 6.Did a Tree of Woe ever turn out so right as when painfully pretty Troy Baker defied the law and snapped those golden thighs around the head of The Sheriff in BG East’s Ringwars 8?!
I’m instantly enthralled with a man with legs long enough to climb into the ring by stepping over the top rope. There’s just something intensely intimidating and profoundly sexy about that over the top ring mount! It takes a seriously long-legged hunk of man to pull that off, and the word “giant” instantly pops into my head whenever I see it. Pair that pair of incredibly long legs with a washboard stomach, luxuriously meaty pecs, the wingspan of an Boeing Dreamliner and a booming, baritone, evil laugh, and I’m at full attention for none other than BG East’s Diego Diaz.
6’3″, 184 lbs., Diego Diaz
I’ve been buying anything and everything Diego has been selling since the moment he showed up at BG East. I have no idea how Diego fits into the pantheon of wrestling archetypes. Although he’s taken some epic beatings, there’s no way in hell to mistake him for a jobber. He’s a stunningly gorgeous specimen of a man with a strong penchant for excusing his obliteration of lesser opponents as righteously justified by his superior skill and strength, but I think he just enjoys making another man suffer a little too much to call him a babyface. But then again, I’m not sure he enjoys it nearly enough, nor is he quick enough on the draw for underhandedness, to qualify as an archetypal heel. What is he? He’s fucking-Diego-Diaz, kids, and you better put on your big boy undies because he cannot wait to separate the men from the boys!
6′, 185 lbs., Rio Garza
And was there ever a more boyishly beautiful jobber on the planet than tasty morsel Rio Garza!? The genius of the Diaz v Garza pairing in Fantasymen 35 makes me gasp a little. The Brazilian skyscraper versus the Mexican fitness model champion!? Latino hunk versus Latino hunk!? Playground bully versus the protypical muscleboy!? Not an exaggeration: I was cruising at top speed less than 30 seconds into this match.
Diego introduces Rio’s throat to the sole of his boot.
The string bikini trunks on Rio are mesmerizing. I could stare at beautiful Rio for days on end, mind you, but there’s an unmistakable value-added in his ring gear for Fantasymen 35. His mouthwatering ass quite possibly may have never looked as juicy, and there’s a perfect fit of tightness and room to swing in the pouch of those flaming hot red briefs. Cute as the proverbial button, flexing his award winning physique for the mirror, and making his pecs bounce, however, have never amounted to being an intimidating ring presence for Rio. Despite an initial flurry of offense that knocks the sneering Brazilian stud on his ass, it’s not long at all before Diego pins the Mexican coverboy by the throat into a corner by his mile-and-a-half long leg and size 17 and a half boot. “This is no place for a kid, you know what I’m saying!?” Diego growls like a tiger.
Diego nearly rips the gorgeous head off of the Mexican coverboy.
Elbow drops, stomps, and long, lingering trampling drive Diego’s point home over and over in the opening minutes of this match: Rio is looking like he’s in way, way over his head against the giant. I’m so completely aroused by the moment that Diego is so obviously tickled at the sight of the fitness star crawling on his hands and knees to get to the ropes to try to reach his feet again. Diego’s laugh is deep and full and so fucking sexy as he taunts the golden muscleman who’s already seeing stars about 3 minutes in. When he mounts Rio’s back, sits on those insanely fuckable glutes that Rio has, and leans back in a camel clutch, Diego’s incredible reach is stunning. When he wraps his humungous hands around Rio’s throat to not only threaten to break the boy’s back but choke him along the way, the fitness model champ coughs out the first fall submission. “What did I tell you, huh?” Diego asks rhetorically, standing up and kissing his own biceps victoriously.
Rio has been getting his fine, fine ass handed to him from coast to coast for several years now, so it should not come as too much of a surprise to see that the beautiful muscleboy has learned a few tricks along the way. Although he spends ages in transit sprinting back and forth helplessly pounded from corner to corner, he turns the tables by capturing his devastating opponent between his legs. Personally, I’d hand the Brazilian my firstborn to trade places right there, and I assure you there’d be no way in hell my hand wouldn’t be sliding up those golden thighs and underneath those red bikini trunks to feel that taut muscle ass mid-flex. Rio’s aesthetically perfect proportions can disguise the fact that he sports fantastically meaty, thick thighs that can make a long, lean Brazilian wail like a wounded animal caught in a trap. The look of concentration on Rio’s boyishly handsome face is breathtaking. His lovely pecs glisten with sweat. He bears down, and Diego’s knees buckle. Holy shit this is sexy!
Rio’s got more offense to show for himself, mind you. His full nelson on the towering Brazilian is astonishingly hot. The coverboy leans back, resting Diego’s ass against Rio’s crotch and making the shaggy-headed giant howl. Rio looks pissed. Seriously pissed. Like, pissed enough that I almost believe that his epic run as anyone and everyone’s jobber could be over because he’s had enough and he’s not going to fucking take it anymore.
Perhaps Rio should have reached his boiling point against someone less devastating, less overpowering, and more impressed with his credentials as a fitness model superstar. As is so often the case, the achingly pretty muscleboy cannot close the deal, and instead finds himself nearly sliced in half between the internal-organ-rearranging scissors of the Brazilian hedge clipper. Okay, I’m taking my firstborn back from Diego and handing him to Rio, because if I’m living the fantasy of trading places with someone here, it’s Diego’s sweaty thighs that I want to feel wrapped around me. Holy fuck, he manhandles Rio like a freshman, flopping the muscle stud back and forth as Rio leaves pools of sweat (and tears) behind him on the mats.
So perhaps my earlier point about Diego not being sadistic and underhanded enough to clearly qualify as a heel needs reconsidering, because just as gorgeous Rio is wilting, Diego drags his golden muscles across the ring and proceeds to torture the Mexican muscleboy in the ropes. Choked in the ropes, spine rearranged in a series of neckbreakers, and a lusciously intimate sleeper tied up nice and tight inside the luxuriously long right leg of the Brazilian brute… Diego doesn’t need to do any of it. He’s just schooling the little kid in the dangers of playing with the big boys.
Rio’s recurring, real-life nightmare plays itself out once again as his mouthwatering, award winning physique is battered and brutalized, as all of his picture perfect muscles are broken and owned, and he experiences that all-too-familiar sensation of his dignity being stripped as another charging bull beats him into the dust. “You want pain?!” Diego asks rhetorically when Diego refuses to give up on command. “You’ll have the pain!” What the hell is Rio thinking, showing up at BG East for his 16th match after being ground down, gorgeous muscle by gorgeous muscle, again and again?! What could motivate a goldenboy who apparently owns the competitive fitness model scene to tempt fate once more and place that beautiful body in the path of another raging wrestler?! I honestly can’t tell you… however… I swear to god there’s something new in this match that catches my eye, right around the time that Rio is helplessly suspended in Diego’s hangman, and that bouncing, quivering pouch of the Mexican muscleboy swells just a bit.
“Look at you,” Diego’s rumbling laugh returns as he watches Rio try to peel his soaked torso off the mat and defend himself. “So sad to see. Where’s that guy with all the poses?” Diego taunts. “You’re just crawling back for more…” This opening match on Fantasymen 35 just keeps coming back for more, more muscle, more beauty, more Latino swagger and ego, more agony, maybe just a little more ecstasy, and more fantastic physiques put to their most perfect use: hot, sweaty, homoerotic ring wrestling!
I was pulling weeds in my front yard yesterday and caught my first sighting of the season of a truly stunning specimen of a hunk jogging in front of my house shirtless. I mean, this boy was gasp-worthy. Amazingly broad shoulders, lightly hairy and powerful pecs, defined six-pack, lean & defined quads. Handsome face with a square jaw, short-cropped near-buzz-cut. But as he passed me and I stared openly, the view going was more incredible than the view coming. Incredibly gorgeous, muscled back tapering down to a narrow waist, with those hot, thin nylon running shorts slit up the side encasing incredibly powerful glutes bulging so beautifully I could’ve set my Mai Tai on top of that shelf. As I watched the specimen for two blocks before he turned up a street, I could help but smile to myself and mutter, “Summer’s back.” Here are a few more backs that make me sit back, admire, and imagine….
One of the most gorgeous shots of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler: Lon Dumont in Tag Team Torture 15.
Current top contender for the favorite title showing off his award winning backside: Kid Karisma in Matmen 23.
Alexi Adamov’s beautiful back muscles and bulging butt in Ring Revenge 1.
Walks in the park were laying on on too thick, huh? True enough, yesterday’s post swearing off the core direction of this blog for topics unrelated to homoerotic wrestling was, indeed, an April Fool prank. For the record, I’m not in therapy and have found 3 out of 4 therapists in the past to be undertrained, unqualified, and generally unhelpful, so the idea of taking a therapist’s advice and turning my back on what gets my blood pumping is never going to happen. And while it’s true that I do actually get a kick out of long walks and flowers from my lover, they do not make me hard. What does turn me on, of course, is some hot, sweaty, full contact, no shame, muscle on muscle wrestling, so let’s put the foolishness behind us and get down to business, namely, naming the new homoerotic wrestler of the month around these parts.
Rock Hard Wrestling puts up a couple of sugary sweet treats: beautifully tattooed muscle twink Josh Steel and newcomer reported pornboy Luke Harrison pounding on each other until one of them is “Stripped.” RHW also puts up nominees fratboy Alex Waters and baby bodybuilder Brodie Fisher for Rookie Rising. Thunder’s Arena has been busy with several new releases debuting new wrestlers, of which I’m giving nominations to HUGE bodybuilder and deadringer for a comic book supervillain, Vinny “Too Good” who has suddenly appeared in 3 releases, but I’m particularly pleased with his twink punishment on lovely, lithe Mogly in Mat Rats 37. Though not to overlook the biggest news story in homoerotic wrestling over the past couple of weeks, Vinny most recently showed up on the Thunder’s mats against a Thunder’s debut of fitness model goldenboy Frey, who everyone but EVERYONE already knows exceedingly well as none other than Rock Hard Wrestling’s and BG East’s Austin Cooper. Frey/Coop also gets my loving for getting Python’s insanely peaked python wrapped around his throat in Rough and Ready 31. Glory be, Can-Am has released something new with perennial workhorse Jobe Zander grabbing a nomination and the nuts of Joey Boots who has got a look that instantly sparks my imagination. Can-Am has also released a superhero porn wrestling piece in their Hard Heroes genre giving us another gander at Joey Boots as well as fellow nominee and a Naked Kombat alum who was always a favorite of mine, long, strong, insanely flexible Phillip Aubrey. And just under the wire, BG East released catalog 98 (that’s 2 catalog’s away from a century!). I nearly didn’t have time to give the catalog 98 releases a serious look, making me nearly postpone their consideration for next month. But some exhausting dehydration sessions over the past couple of days have given me the opportunity to consider them in their time. As a result, I’m putting in nominations for muscleman Chace LaChance and blindingly pretty powerhouse Brad Barnes for Pec Bash 2; former HWOTM leading man Christian Taylor and lusty stud Tino Valencia for Sunshine Shooters 6; two former HWOTM, sweaty muscle stud Jake Jenkins and sexy never-say-die Skrapper for their appearance also on Sunshine Shooters 6; a truly breathtaking and compelling debut by Ronny “the instant classic” Pearl and the human buzz saw, Cybertron 2.0 in Ringwars 21; perennial goldenboy Austin Cooper’s deeply satisfying heel turn in Demolition 16; former HWOTM forearms-of-steel Jonny Firestorm cubed for the fantastic concept piece of The 3 Stages of Jonny; and finally, sultry Lorenzo Lowe and magical Gabriel Ross for pounding it all out in Wrestle Shack 16.
I love the mix of former HWOTM, other frequent nominees, and brand new additions to the ranks this month. This was a fantastically deep field this time around, and I loved exploring every inch of it. I much prefer a month like this, where I waver back and forth between several nominees, torn and tormented by the task of selecting just one to hail for their hot new appearance on the scene. So much to say about so many of these profoundly delightful wrestling performances, but if you batter me defenseless and tie me in the ropes (please!) to demand I make a choice, I’ve got one juice-draining hunk in mind, and I’m not looking back. The new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is…
… Austin Cooper.
Appearing in 2 matches at Thunder’s Arena (as Frey), and 2 matches in his self-subtitled Demolition 16 BG East release, if this were a random draw, he’d have the best odds of winning the title anyway. However, it’s far from blind chance that I specifically call out his main course feast for the senses in Demolition 16, telling one of my very favorite wrestling stories in any genre, the goldenboy heel turn. God, I love a heel turn. The journey from Coop’s catalog 96 appearance in American flag briefs climbing into the ring as one half of the gorgeously cocky muscle-beautiful pretty boy team alongside of former HWOTM Jake Jenkins to his showing up in Demolition 16 in a black lace corset, villainous facial hair, and a penchant for trampling a totally outmatched opponent brings a tear of absolute erotic joy to my eye!
Coop, drenched in sweat, hard as granite, and pounding the living shit out of stellar jobber extraordinaire, Rio Garza, is absolutely a thing of beauty. There are Rio fans already hating on me for not choosing him again this month, but this isn’t about their favorite wrestler-of-the-month, it’s about mine, and as blindingly beautiful as is Rio’s admittedly growing capacity to job, I cannot take my eyes off of Coop’s soaked, heaving chest. Out-prettying Rio Garza is a mind blowing feat, but damn it all but if ripped Coop does just that for me. But interestingly for me, it’s his less ripped, less pristine look in the second match of Demolition 16, against beautiful lamb-to-the-slaughter, masked Mister E, that sets off the biggest fireworks in my head and crotch.
When Coop first hit the scene arm in arm with Jake Jenkins, showing up simultaneously at Rock Hard Wrestling and then making the leap to BG East as a matched pair of beauties, I went on record early that ridiculously beautiful Coop took a back seat for my affections behind Jake. From the start, if you put the two of them side by side and slathered in baby oil (not because that’s relevant, but just because I’d like to seem them in baby oil), my hands would, of their own accord, stretch involuntarily toward Jake, without a doubt. It’s no wonder Jake was a HWOTM long before now, because he always plays my lusts like a concert pianist. But even with Jake in the mix this month in a fantastically hot and bothered mat match against Skrapper, Coop doesn’t just turn heel, he turns me into a believer.
Like I said, goldenboy fitness model turned sadistic ring heel is pretty much guaranteed to rock my world as far as wrestling stories go, and you know I’m always a sucker for a well-told story with ample, bouncing, pendulous character development. In less generous moments in the past, I would have probably ungraciously thrown words like “vanilla” and “pedestrian” around in musing on the erotic spells that Austin Cooper can weave over me. That is, most definitely, no longer the case, and for climbing into the ring in a lace up corset and convincing me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s got a ravenous blood lust for chugging down the wailing suffering of a crushed opponent, I’m entirely on board. Among a very competitive and pleasing crowd, Austin Cooper rises to the top as both a gloriously delightful heel and my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!
I love how technology and blogs have been increasingly bringing fans of homoerotic wrestling into closer proximity with homoerotic wrestlers. The first time I read one of Joe’s interviews with a wrestler, I was thrilled and inspired. I’m sure there are clock punchers in the business, but the revelation that some of our favorite wrestlers-for-gay-eyes enjoy the attention and appreciate the celebrity they possess within our circle of interest somehow sweetens the pot of the homoerotic wrestling industry. I think of the interviews I’ve had the opportunity to conduct as highlights of the labor of love that I invest in this blog. They’ve brought a welcome sense of humor and humanity to the fantasies I treasure of homoerotic wrestling, and, unexpectedly, they’ve made me a fierce advocate for fans treating wrestlers with common decency and plenty of respect.
Rio Garza – BG East’s Best Body of 2012
So when BG East’s Best of 2012 poll came out, and even more when I thought about the results as they were announced, it made me wonder what the objects of our popularity polls think of being ranked, ordered, and lauded or looked over. From the consumer side of homoerotic wrestling, I found the poll to be a very fun exercise in examining my own tastes in comparison with more than 500 or so other fans. But from the wrestler side of things, I had to wonder what the boys themselves thought of the exercise. Any gloating? Any hurt feelings?
Lon Dumont – Nominated for Top Heel, Best Body, Best Abs, Best Butt… but came out with a trophy
Hell YES! Lon Dumont sent me a text demanding a recount. I don’t know if a recount would help, but I’m entirely with him on finding the results unsatisfying when it comes to recognizing what an insanely hot wrestler he is! My hope is that, as he enters a new bodybuilding season in a few weeks, he’ll take this defeat at the BG East polls and turn it into gold on stage, and then bring in his bodybuilding trophies and shove them, and his bulging biceps, in the face of his next opponent.
Cameron Matthews asks you to just look at this photo and explain his absence from the nominees for best abs and best body
One of Lon’s buddies, Cameron Matthews, also was not pleased, despite anchoring Babyface Brawls 2, winner of best ring match. Cameron made one of the most compelling arguments against his exclusion from the categories of best abs and best body by simply posting to his blog this fucking gorgeous photo of himself from his recent wrestling trip to the UK, in which his unbelievably hot six-pack was doused in oil and on awesome display. Under the title “Best of 2012 Complaints,” Cam reviews the slights and mistake of the pollsters themselves. “Didn’t even make it into the finalist of Best Body 2012. 3rd Place as Top Babyface. Not ranked amongst Best Abs.” Even his razor thin loss to Kid Karisma in the Best Butt category merely inflamed Cameron’s outrage, prompting him to demand a recount. Personally, I think it’s a stroke of pure genius that Cameron has apparently been inspired by this miscarriage of justice to commit himself to earning the title of Best Heel of 2013. I’m wholeheartedly ready for him to earn my vote!
Eli Black won nearly everything he was nominated for… and still he’s pissed!
Even the overwhelming winners at the polls seem a little irked at some of the subtleties of the voting and commentary. I received this extensive text rant from Eli Black early yesterday morning, I’m sure at least in part in response to my gentle critique that Lon’s abs might merit more credit than Eli’s:
Trying to provoke Eli?!!!!! My abs are the very best abs in the wrestling seen these days!!!! 100% American Muscle!!!!! The votes were rigged!!!!! I won them all! I am the face wherever I go, hence why I am Mr. Primus, and I shutdown any compotition around me!!! Austin Cooper?!!! Kid Karisma?!!! For get about it! Eli Black all the way! I’m the champ, and no one’s dethroning me. End of story. My abs are chiseled by God himself!!!!! Picture perfect! No one else could even hold my jock strap!!!!! You people like to forget this is Eli Black’s world – y’all just live in it!
Hard to argue with, isn’t it? The mountain of exclamation points alone sort of beat you into submission similarly to the vicious beatings that Eli’s been pounding into the bodies of his opponents as of late. And seriously, what’s to argue with? Coop fans may want to quibble with the implication that Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight shouldn’t have garnered more votes than Eli’s. And I’m first in line to raise a skeptical eyebrow at Eli’s suggestion that his truly astonishingly gorgeous ass is definitively superior to the world class glutes that belong to Best Butt winner Kid Karisma. But Eli has a way about him of being so… persuasive. And I’d give my left testicle for a chance to see Kid K and Eli go ass-on-ass in the ring until one of them is, literally, submissively holding the winner’s sweat soaked jock strap. But scoring wins as Best Debut of 2012, Best Abs, and starring in the Best Mat Battle of the year, it’s hard to miss the ring of stark truth in Eli’s words: It’s Eli’s world, people. We just live in it!
A nod to the fans: Cameron Matthews is one of the many homoerotic wrestlers who appreciates being appreciated
Honestly, even with Eli’s full court press of a rebuttal to the poll results and my needling, every wrestler I’ve heard from has clearly taken the year end poll as a good bit of fun that they’re happy to be part of. And I love that about this community! Mix in homoeroticism, fanatical lust, larger than life personalities, drop dead gorgeous bodies, and a healthy dose of humor, and 2012 goes down in my book as a banner year for BG East and the entire homoerotic wrestling industry.
Sidelineland 