Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Crowning a New Champion

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It probably hardly needs mentioning, does it? I was so completely charmed by my interview with Lon Dumont that no one could be surprised to learn he’s reclaimed his title as my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division).

Since I stumbled across Rusty Stevens’ resignation from porn, the serious competition has been in the non-pornboy rankings, as far as I’m concerned (no disrespect intended toward Trent Diesel, of course). Joshua Goodman’s (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) last two matches have been stunningly erotic, even while still including no actual nudity. When Mr. Joshua decided to put bodyworship on the table, and invite a gym bunny admirer to wrestle for the pleasure of owning Mr. Joshua’s gorgeous body, that nudged him right over the top of inaugural title holder, Lon. But after having the opportunity to actually chat with Lon, there’s no doubt about it. He’s managed to body slam Mr. Joshua back into second place.

Mr. Joshua v Chico Valdez – Ring Rookies 2

I think it was the moment that Lon thanked me for noticing the fine way he fills out his wrestling trunks, that the title technically changed hands. He just has a graciousness about him with regard to my insistent adoration of his granite-carved physique that’s astonishingly sexy. As is abundantly evident in both the interview and Lon’s matches, he’s quick-witted and smart, and I wouldn’t be all that surprised to see him make an appearance competing on Jeopardy (and likely kicking ass there, as well). Graciousness and smarts as accessories to a competition bodybuilding body with years of hardworking wrestling experience? Hell, yeah! Lon Dumont is definitely the undisputed title holder in my book.

Lon Dumont v Terry O’Daly – Demolition 14

The only blemish on Lon’s BGE career thus far is the tag team loss he suffered at the brutal hands of Donnie Drake and rookie sidekick Doug Rand. I had intended on asking Lon more about this cloud hanging over his match record, but I was completely charmed by his passion for sharing his life with rescue animals. So, let me tally this us once more… graciousness, smarts, granite body carved by Michaelangelo, veteran wrestling savvy, AND sensitive, socially conscious animal lover!? My, oh my… Mr. Joshua, you’ve got your work cut out for you.

But back to Lon’s only match loss, the question I’d planned to ask Lon was about his tag team partner in that fated match, Chace LaChance. Personally, as a firmly established Lon fanatic, I’d think Lon would have had better odds of coming out on top taking on Donnie and Doug single-handedly. I thought that Chace brought almost nothing to the table other than his sweet, go-go boy muscles (which, let’s face it, fall into the category of “cute” next to the sliced and diced hardness and definition of Lon), his five-o-clock shadow, and that metaphorical target painted on his pretty, all-over-tanned ass that said, “Kick the shit out of me!” In fact, my take was the Chace was a net competitive loss for the LaChance/Dumont side of the equation (though he does bring plenty of “pretty” to enjoy).

Chace LaChance

Chace has been getting that sweet ass of his beaten left and right in his short tenure with BGE, so I don’t know if he’ll even have the audacity to show up again, particularly after his abject humiliation in a second appearance against Donnie Drake, where Donnie manhandles and mauls both Chace and Brent Salvo simultaneously and single-handedly (only further proving my point that Chace was clearly the weakest link when he teamed with Lon). But if Chace is still sniffing around for more BGE action, then I think Lon ought to re-open that wrestling school of his that he mentioned (and a can of whoop-ass) with Chace LaChance as his first pupil. Corporal punishment would definitely be standing orders.

Lon Dumont v Eddie Rey – Fantasymen 32

I suppose, when it comes right down to it, I’m not sure who wouldn’t make Lon look good. Perhaps Joe Robbins could fit the bill that Lon suggested might earn a victory over him, considering Joe is, indeed, right around 100 pounds heavier and over half a foot taller. But as I said to Lon, I pity any wrestler who thinks that’s the only thing it will take to defeat him. When it comes to who might be “foolish enough” to accept a forced-to-flex challenge from my favorite bodybuilder battler, I’d nominate Kid Karisma (who would NEVER believe that his muscles could be inferior to anyone’s), or perhaps a green rookie who needs initiated into the ring, like Attila Dynasty. Of course, it goes without saying that there’d be just about no bigger battle of egos than a Lon v Mr. Joshua face-off, but I still say that Mr. Joshua should devote himself exclusively to matches that involve wrestling amorous admirers intent on worshipping his body and tapping his ass, if they can defeat him. Much more of that from Mr. Joshua is his best chance at clawing his way back on top of Lon’s rippled abs and reclaiming the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler, non-pornboy division.

Someone is, at this very moment, complaining that Lon granting me an interview has unjustly swayed my rankings. Let me just emphasize that these favorite homoerotic wrestling rankings are always MY favorite homoerotic wrestling rankings. This is always about who’s turning me on and entertaining me the most, and hands down, that would be Lon these days. Of course, if there are any other contenders who’d like to even the playing field by giving me an interview, I’m more than happy to oblige! That said, it’ll be tough to charm me quite as much as my reigning homoerotic wrestling non-pornboy, Lon Dumont.

Making Somebody Happy

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Last night I had the great pleasure of getting the chance to interview one of my very favorite wrestlers, Lon Dumont. The interview offered some sweet surprises, including Lon’s connection with another prolific homoerotic wrestler and frequent subject of this blog, as well as an upcoming non-wrestling production that we’ll have an opportunity to appreciate Lon in, in addition to his plans to tape some more matches with BG East in the coming months. As you’ll see, below, Lon is one class act and a really good sport. And taking my hint about how much I obsess about his physique (almost as much as it sounds like he does!), Lon sent me some awesome photos of him working out and competing on stage, which I’ve included here (along with some of the pics from his BGE work) with the interview transcript.


Bard: So, what are you up to right now?
Lon: Watching Rocky III on AMC.
Bard: That’s fantastic! Who do you identify with in Rocky III?
Lon: (Laughing) I’ve always identified with the Stallion. Stallone is my idol.
Bard: Excellent. I don’t see you as a Mr. T sort of guy.
Lon: Maybe not, although Clubber Lang and I both train hard and enjoy our solitude.
Bard: Very interesting! Are you up for some questions now, or would you like to finish up with Mr. Balboa?
Lon: (Laughing) I’m ready, my friend…
Bard: I have to say again, to start, thanks so much for being willing to field some questions. This is a huge thrill!
Lon: No problem!
Bard: So, tell me that I’m not wrong in concluding that you showed up at BG East as a seasoned wrestler already. No rookie has the right to have the ring presence and savvy that you had in your first BG East match.
Lon: You would be correct. I was a professional wrestler for over eight years, and logged over 500 matches on the East coast in the states and Canada.
Bard: I’m not surprised in the least. How did you get connected with BG East?
Lon: I’ve been buddies with Cameron Mathews forever. I was his original pro wrestling trainer (though I had no right training students at the time!), and he and I really came up through the indy wrestling world together. Cameron had suggested BG East to me a few times, but I wasn’t comfortable with it. Certainly not because of what was expected of us in the matches, or who purchases the DVDs, but simply because I wasn’t in the shape I wanted to be in to appear in such a state of undress. I worked out at the time, but didn’t have the physique I do now. My wrestling singlet covered up my love handles quite well, something I wouldn’t be able to do with BG East!
Bard: Holy crap! You and Cameron have worked together? He’s a busy, busy boy!
Lon: He certainly is that, yes! Cameron and I have probably wrestled one another three or four dozen times, now.
Bard: Damn, that would be something I’d like to see. Perhaps we’ll see you two in action through BGE sometime.
Lon: Perhaps so.
Bard: Since you brought up your physique, and since that’s one of my favorite topics, how long have you been a competitive bodybuilder?
Lon: The day after my 33rd birthday in 2009, I started dieting for my first contest, which took place in June of that year (on the same day as my dog’s birthday, coincidentally). My most recent contest was in August of 2010, and I’m training hard for my next competition in October of this year. Thus far, I’ve been in five contests.
Bard: The photos I’ve seen recently of you on stage are truly stunning. What keeps you motivated for such a demanding sport?
Lon: What can I say? I have a truly obsessive personality! Perhaps someday I’ll obsess about something that’s more financially rewarding! For right now, though, bodybuilding is a huge part of my life. I just love the sport. I love seeing changes in my body. I love breaking past old barriers, and I love competing on stage. Dieting for and finishing out a show is the most satisfying feeling I can explain. I just love it.
Bard: Very cool. So what would you say is the best part of your physique at this point in your development. I’ve got my answer in mind, but what do you think?
Lon: Everybody makes a fuss about my abs, so I’ll have to go with those!
Bard: I, also, make quite a fuss about your abs, but I have to admit I was also thinking about the very fine way you have of filling out your trunks. But that’s probably not what gets you a 1st place on stage, eh?
Lon: (Laughing) I’m afraid not, no! But thanks for noticing.
Bard: Truly my pleasure (truly). So speaking of your awesome muscles, a reader of my blog wanted me to make sure and ask you if you have any plans for another forced-to-flex match with BG East. Your defeat and forced-to-flex humiliation on Eddie Rey made a really, really big impression on a lot of us.
Lon: Actually, yeah, I think that’s a great idea! I’ll just have to find someone foolish enough to accept my challenge. That shan’t be easy, ya’ know…
Bard: You’ve certainly taken a couple of big boys at BGE by surprise! I suppose they’ll all know that you’re coming, now that you’ve established the level at which you compete. I realize that you’re still pretty new with them, but do you have your eye on any of the BGE wrestlers that you’d like to get your hands on?
Lon: Not necessarily. I’m an equal opportunity humiliator! I regularly embarrass much bigger guys on the bodybuilding stage, so it only makes sense I should do it in BG east, as well.
Bard: Very nicely put. If you ever need suggestions, I’m full of them. So from what BGE has released of your work, I believe that you’re undefeated in 1-on-1 matches. Congratulations! What do you think it would take to defeat you 1-on-1?
Lon: Other than a freak act of mother nature? Hmmm, good question. Perhaps someone with a 100-pound weight advantage might have better luck, but besides that I just don’t see it happening.
Bard: Again, very nicely put. And I’d still feel a little sorry for the guy who thinks that a 100-pound weight advantage is all it will take. It seems to me that you have a knack for beating your opponents up “psychologically” just as much as you do physically. Would you say that “psychology” comes into play when you step into the ring and size up an opponent?
Lon: Absolutely. There’s also the fact that I’m flat-out more intelligent than nearly every guy I enter the ring with! I mean, Eddie Rey? Come on. The guy looks pretty, and all, but I wouldn’t want to see him on Jeopardy anytime soon.
Bard: I was just about to say that you seem quite a bit smarter than your average bear! Do you have any go-to approaches that you like to use when you climb into the ring (especially against one of the big boys)?
Lon: Nah, not really. Most of these guys are so dim-witted it doesn’t take a great deal of forethought. I might choose to isolate a body part, like I did with Eddie Rey, or just out maneuver the guy like I did Terry O’Daly. I’m also in better condition than most, so I can be pretty hard to tire out!
Bard: Again, I can certainly believe that. So what’s going through your mind when you see one of these guys flexing? I mean, with the competition quality physique you craft, what do you make of all the flexing we see in wrestling these days?
Lon: Well, some of the guys look great, and many are genetically gifted to be much, much larger than I. However, I have to wonder what some of these guys eat. Truly, some lack any sort of discipline whatsoever. As soon as they choose to go three months avoiding anything with flavor, then they’re free to flex!
Bard: That sounds like hard-earned advice. So, since I’ve managed to turn the conversation back to your body, do you mind me asking what your relevant measurements are? BGE tells us your height/weight… any other details you can offer?
Lon: Sure, I can do my best! What do they list my height and weight at?
Bard: They say you’re 5’7″ and at some point you were 150 pounds.
Lon: Hmmm, I suppose that’s pretty close! I think my height–quite literally–is 5’6-15/16″. My bodyweight fluctuates (it comes with the territory of bodybuilding), but 140 is probably closer to the truth. Of course, when you’re well-defined, you look larger than you actually are. As for measurements, my chest is about 40 inches, my waist goes as low as 28, and my upper arms are about 15 inches (16 when they’re pumped up). My thighs are around 24, and my calves and neck are both around 15 inches, as well.
Bard: I don’t typically find numbers sexy, but those are all working for me! Speaking of what works for me, a lot of my readers and I like to talk about “wrestling kink,” that is, wrestling as a turn on. What do you think about having a cadre of fans turned on by your work in the ring?
Lon: Eh, what the hell? What’s wrong with that? I think we’re WAY too uptight about “kink” and sexuality within our society; that’s one area in which I really wish we followed Europe’s lead a bit more. Whatever people get turned on by is fine with me, provided everyone is adults, and everyone is consenting! Why other people get bent out of shape about such things is beyond me. I’m just glad I can make somebody happy.
Bard: Speaking on behalf of a whole lot of us, you do, indeed, make us quite happy. You’ve been really generous with your time, so I hope I’m not pushing it if I ask just a couple more questions?
Lon: Absolutely not, my friend. I’m just chilling out on the couch with my dog!
Bard: That was going to be my next question! I couldn’t help but note that you mentioned that you have a dog (and that you know his birthday). I have a theory about guys who own dogs. I think when a guy owns a dog and really understands the responsibility that comes with being the “leader of the pack,” it makes him that much sexier and more skilled in knowing how to dominate in the wrestling ring. Any life lessons or wrestling lessons that you think you’ve acquired from being an alpha dog?
Lon: Well thank you! Animal welfare is a big, huge deal in my life. It has been for a few years now. I share my life with one dog and one cat, and I have rescued a few animals that live with my parents, too. Companion animals mean a ton to me, and always will. And I’m only an alpha dog with my canine companion! When I’m in the ring, I don’t need to act like the Big Man On Canvas (hey, that’s pretty clever!). In fact, I probably wrestle more like a cat than I do a canine!
Bard: Fascinating! Tell me more about why you think you probably wrestle more like a cat.
Lon: Because I wrestle arrogantly, aloofly, and always land on my feet. Unlike a dog, I couldn’t care less what my opponents think of me!
Bard: (laughing) I can totally get that. I’d put in a plug not to sell short the “wrestling like an alpha dog” angle too quickly, though. The way you schooled Eddie Rey, trained him patiently, and gave him a little “reward” for learning his lessons was totally alpha dog, in my mind. Every dog has to know his place in the pack, and you certainly taught him and Terry theirs!
Lon: (Laughing) Very true. I suppose I did.
Bard: So you have your next bodybuilding competition planned for next autumn. Anything else in store for you in the coming year? You mentioned to me that you think you may be on tap to tape some more matches with BGE?
Lon: I will definitely be wrestling more matches for BG East this year, yes. Fans will notice a little something different about me, though: a full head of hair! I recently took a leap of faith and stopped shaving my head for the first time in twelve years.
Bard: Holy crap! It’s probably a good thing you prepared us. While I have to admit that I particularly like your shaved head, I will keep an open mind, and I suspect that I’ll find plenty else to appreciate about your appearance.
Lon: Well, thus far I’ve gotten pretty much universal praise for the new look. Frankly, I think the hair makes me look a bit younger. But hey, I’ll let the fans judge!
Bard: Knowing the crowd I run in, we’ll be full of opinions to offer.
Lon: This year I’ll also be “starring” in a direct-to-DVD horror movie, one that might wind up featuring another BG East talent, as well. The filmmakers are hoping they might be able to work out a deal in which BG East would be the official distributor of a “director’s cut” of the film in which some additional footage features me in a way many BGE fans might truly appreciate! However, whether that’s something BGE might be interested in, I have no idea. That’ll be between the powers that be, and the makers of the film. Still, the movie will be something for fans to look forward to.
Bard: Oh… my… God. This is such a fantastic tease. I’m a big horror movie fan, and, as is obvious, I’m a huge fan of yours. The two things together could make me blow a blood vessel. I’m pulling for a BGE distribution and a gander at the additional footage of you that “BGE fans would appreciate.” Just those words will be haunting me now, damn it. However it’s distributed, you’ll let me know the instant we can get our hands on it, yes?
Lon: Yes, of course! It’ll be filmed this year; as for its exact release date, we’ll have to wait and see.
Bard: Fantastic! I just want to say again that you truly are a classy guy. You are as generous as you are smokin’ hot and devastating in the ring.
Lon: Thanks so much, man. The pleasure was all mine.
Bard: I hope I didn’t distract you too much from Rocky III. I can tell you how it ends, if you need me to.
Lon: (Laughing) We’ve moved on to Rocky IV. No WAY he beats Ivan Drago! The Russian is indestructible…
Bard: Ah! Dolph! Now there was a man of my fighting dreams!
Lon: (Laughing)
Bard:  Enjoy. I’ll be in touch soon!
Lon: You got it, buddy. Thanks again.

In the Ropes

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These days, I’m getting worked over pretty hard. I’m working my ass off, just managing to stay on my feet. And, wouldn’t you know it, just when I find myself backed into the ropes, some nasty heel villain uses those very same ropes to work me over that much harder.
KV v Ken Mason (assisted by KL) – Tag Team Torture 1
Metaphorically, this makes my day-to-day life these days suck. On the other hand, literally, when someone uses the ring ropes to take advantage of an already battered hunk, that does not suck (at least not for the heel or for me, watching). Turning the set into an integral prop to tell the story is, in fact, a major turn on for me, further explaining my particular preference for ring action.
Brigham Bell v Patrick Donovan – Hunkbash 5
Sliced to hell and mean as a king cobra, Brigham Bell pretty much always used the ropes, and most of the time he took full advantage by not only capturing his hunks in the ropes, but then head scissoring them at the same time. Illustrated so delightfully in his ring action with Patrick Donovan, ultra-lean, muscled bodies put on artistic display is the icing on the cake. The cake itself, of course, is the completely gratuitous humiliation of an already suffering hunk. To capture 6’1″ pec-tacular Patrick so defenselessly, so vulnerably, and then to squeeze Patrick’s handsome face humiliatingly between Brigham’s tightly corded thighs… talk about the climax of a story!
Brad Rochelle v Patrick Donovan – Wrestlefest 2
Patrick, Patrick, Patrick… early in his BG East career, Patrick frequently occupied the restraints of the ring ropes. He just suffered so sweetly! It’s no wonder that opponent after opponent reveled in beating him down and then tying him up to not only soak up more punishment, to also have his ego crushed as decisively as his hot, long, gorgeous body. On his way to being awarded Rookie of the Year in Wrestlefest 2 (I vote for more Wrestlefests!), Brad Rochelle slapped Patrick into what I think, objectively speaking, is the hottest bit of ring rope torture ever captured on camera. Hunk-on-hunk, stunning body on stunning body, handsome face squaring off against handsome face, and Brad taking a foreshadowing turn to the dark side to lock Patrick’s throat between the bottom to ropes and then boston crag his legs, sitting his fine (fine, fine, fine, fine) ass down across Patrick’s shoulders to choke him that much more. 

Brad Rochelle v Dom the Dominator – Demolition 3

Brad, Brad, Brad… of course, any regular reader of this blog is already fully immersed in the drama of Brad Rochelle’s BGE career, as his fratboy face and go-go boy muscles went through years of jobbing, suffering like perhaps none other, not infrequently himself trapped in the very same ropes with which he’d humiliated Patrick and won rookie of the year. Dom’s boot in his ass and his back cranked backward over the top rope, Brad’s rope-suffering illustrates what is the tastiest pay off of all with rope work: the stunning body of a hunk displayed so fully and vulnerably.

Rio Garza v Donnie Drake v “Trevor” Mathews – Pro Bashed Triple Threat
I noticed in recent pics from Can-Am’s new (upcoming?) release, Pro Bashed Triple Threat, that Rio Garza is on the receiving end of some tasty hunk rope punishment at the hands of Donnie Drake. This is, perhaps, the best representation of my own subjective experience at the moment. Clearly outmuscled and at the mercy of a nasty, big, brick house bastard, like Rio under the control of Donnie Drake, I’m getting pried backward and pounded on with nothing to do but take it and look pretty (I can pull that off, too).
As I whine, just a bit, about my own woes (I can sell suffering when it’s my turn), I find some comfort in the sight of some beautiful hunks getting tied up and beat down with the assistance of the ropes. Well, okay, so perhaps “comfort” isn’t the word. But it does, somehow, make the nasty heels in my own life a little more tolerable when I spend a little time admiring the aesthetics and erotics of homoerotic wrestling heels taking the picture frame itself and choking the daylights out of the stunning portrait of a musclehunk in the middle.

Battling Brothers

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Homotrophy keeps delighting me, lately. These pics of “Eric” from the Sweat Underwear collection (a collection designed with you and me in mind, clearly) caught and held my attention. This is hardly surprising, since Eric is quite a hot hunk. But there was something more, some bell ringing in the back of my head. Finally, I figured out what connections were getting made in my subconscious. You may not see the resemblance, and if so, keep it to yourself (don’t kill my buzz!). But personally, I think Eric looks a lot like my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (nonpornboy), BG East’s own, Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!).

With you, my discerning reader, in mind, I conducted an extensive visual inspection of everything I could get a hold of for Eric and for Mr. Joshua. It was grueling, painstaking work, I tell you, but I’m committed to your enlightenment. I finally decided that I don’t think that Eric is, indeed, Mr. Joshua in a clever underwear model disguise. And I’m happy to say that Mr. Joshua doesn’t have Eric’s nipple piercings, because that just always seems a dangerous accessory in a homoerotic wrestler. No, rather than a doppelganger, I think Eric is more like Mr. Joshua’s hot brother or first cousin. Similar face, very similar body (if Mr. J is a tad harder and bigger), and after agonizingly labored inspection with my zoom, I have to say that it looks entirely possible that Eric has a package that very well could be in the same (extremely exclusive and astonishingly impressive) league with Mr. J’s.
I’m always a sucker for the sexy brother/cousin tag team gimmick. I saw through this gimmick about the time that I watched them try to sell Lance as a “Von Erich.” Frankly, I always assumed Kerry must’ve looked a lot like the milk man, but Lance? There’s no way that came from the same corner of the gene pool. But it was the story that made me suspend my disbelief. It was the layering of drama, along with the side by side multiplication of beauty, that made me feel some extra loving for battling brothers/cousins. 
I think Eric looks like he could be game for some hot, sweaty action, BGE-style, don’t you? Mr. Joshua ought to bring his “little” brother, Mr. Eric, along for a tag team bout. At some point, there would need to be side-by-side standing head scissors on their poor (lucky, lucky, lucky) opponents, as the brother’s simultaneously shove their big hands down the front of their trunks to adjust the oversized luggage they both carry. And because everything Mr. Joshua does from now on MUST continue the fantastic theme of body worship, ala his smoking hot recent mat romp with rookie Randy Stanton, the Mr. Goodman Brothers team would certainly work themselves into a frenzy by soaking in the awed adoration of their opponents. They’ll probably want to trade worshippers at some point. Mr. Joshua will probably demand some double-team worship, because his ego is just that big. Mr. Eric would feel disrespected. Resentment would grow. And a fantastic, deeply personal wrestling grudge would blossom.

Recipe for Success

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From photographer Michael Stokes (from me to you via Homotrophy), comes this morsel of wrestling kink allusion baked just to my tastes. The rocking physique… the singlet on it’s way off, the truly stunning tats. Who is this vision ripped from a dream that I haven’t yet dreamt (but soon will)?!

Okay, so perhaps if this was truly made to order, this slice of picture-perfect beef would be climbing into a pro wrestling ring. He could keep the amateur gear on. I can totally nurse some kink-loving for the hot jock amateur stud who thinks he can bring his hard body bulging out of his  alma mater’s singlet into the pro ring and teach some “showman” what real wrestling is about. In fact, I love that culture clash of pursed-lipped, hardbodied, earnest innocence with seasoned, jaded, as-vicious-as-I-need to be experience. “The initiation” motif, opening up the merely imagined realities of a pro beat down on the muscleboy here to conquer the world, never, ever tires me, in fact.
There’s another singlet shot of this chiseled work of art on the photographer’s site (along with a dozen other aesthetically pleasing bodies in various states of undress-mostly-undressed and aroused), as well as this fig-leaf modesty pick of him on the football field. Me not being a fan of football, this pick, while delightful, is only kink-adjacent. Slap this inked, naked god into the ring, and speaking of slapping, a spanking would be absolutely essential.
Damn.

Porn Sunday

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In honor of the excellent concept of Porn Sunday, here are a few retailers that you might consider supporting today…

Billy Lodi v Skip Vance – BGE X-Fights 33

BG East’s X-iest new release is X-Fights 33, pitting twink buddies Skip Vance and Billy Lodi. Billy fiercely conquers and then tenderly rewards Skip. Looking for some mat wrestling, jerks, sucks, kissing and cum to celebrate Porn Sunday?

Sebastian Keys v Jake Austin – Naked Kombat

Naked Kombat’s newest release will treat you to Jake Austin determined not to lose his ass yet again against buzz cut Sebastian Keys. Jake’s fate is, of course, to get owned, spanked, and fucked 5 ways to Porn Sunday.

Landon Myclse v Michael Vineland – Can-Am Pro Sex Fight 1

For my tastes, Can-Am’s X-iest and best new release is Pro Sex Fight 1, starring the wrestling pornboy stylings of previous homoerotic wrestler of the month, Landon Mycles, and Can-Am work horse Michael Vineland. This offers a delightful recipe of pro wrestling, erotic wrestling, and mutually satisfying sex in the middle of the ring.

Trent Diesel v Hugo Milano – Raging Stallion’s Brutal Part 2

If you’re looking for more porn (it is, Porn Sunday, after all) in your porn/wrestling mix, you might want to celebrate the day with a purchase of Raging Stallion’s Brutal. My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, Trent Diesel, wrestles and fucks and fucks and fucks, among a non-stop, 2-part, pornboy after pornboy pornfest.

Cody Nelson v Max Powers – Rock Hard Wrestling

Less porn, but no perhaps more up your alley to celebrate Porn Sunday, includes Rock Hard Wrestling (you’d think with a name like that there might be more porn), and their just out release of new Mr. Franchise, Cody Nelson going muscle to muscle in the ring with Max Powers.

Conan v Johnny Bravo – Thunder’s Arena

Or you may want to see some big, big, big muscleboy’s wrestle in less-than-porn fun over at Thunder’s Arena, where Johnny Bravo pounds the bodybuilder pecs of Australian blond bombshell, Conan.

Trent Diesel – Reigning Favorite Homoerotic Wrestling Pornboy

I’m a booster. That’s pretty much what I have to offer, and so I’m fully in favor of a lot of us showing some love to the hardworking boys in front of and behind the camera, bringing us orgasm after orgasm of entertainment by celebrating Porn Sunday with a special purchase, dedicated to our favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboys. No shame. No way.

Potently Powerful Little Package

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My reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month and newly minted top contender for the title of my overall favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, DJ, is (obviously) a wrestler that has provided me a lot of entertainment. He’s been around Naked Kombat for over a year and a half now, working his tight little ass off in an astonishing 15 four-round matches. It’s no wonder he’s incredibly accomplished at the particular nuances of coming out on top in Naked Kombat!
DJ v Dean Tucker

DJ’s debut match was against another one of my favorite NK boys who we haven’t seen in a long time, Dean Tucker. The fact that DJ was up for a debut match with an oil round should have told us all something. He’s game for any challenge. He’s since been in three more oil matches. Dean worked over the rookie in the end, but DJ made the muscleboy work, and work hard from start to finish. Again, there was a clear lesson to be learned here. DJ does not roll over and take it from anyone without a fight to the very last second of the competition.

DJ v Dean Tucker

DJ has also been a star player in 3 undefeated outings in tag team competition. His first tag bout partnered with Spencer Reed was the last time NK offered a “live audience.” It seems the NK battlers were a little too encouraged to fight that much harder with a live audience, resulting in multiple injuries. Again in DJ’s tag outing with Spencer, Patrick Rouge drops out early in the second round with an injury. It should be noted, however, that even prior to Patrick’s injury DQ, Spencer and DJ were quite literally wiping the mats with the sweat soaked bodies of their opponents. And DJ got some sweet retribution in on his initiator, Dean Tucker, who found himself without his tag team partner and destined to get crushed and owned in round 4. The double team work performed by DJ and Spencer is, I believe, the most delightful double-teaming I’ve ever witnessed. Thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly delightful… particularly in working over Dean.

DJ & Spencer Reed v Dean Tucker & Patrick Rouge

There are a couple givens in a DJ match. First, his opponent will make a vaguely racist allusion to DJ’s dark kinky hair. I don’t actually know what DJ’s racial or ethnic heritage is, but frankly, referring to someone with wiry, curly hair as “a troll doll” (as most of his 18 opponents do!) is just unnecessary in my book. Perhaps that’s why I take such delight in DJ, more and more frequently lately, opening a can of whoop-ass on the cocky pale boys who can’t muster the appropriate level of respect for him in their pre-match interviews. As I’ve mentioned before, DJ is putting on more muscle, pound by pound, and he may still look “skinny,” but watch him muscle his way out of a tight spot on the mat and you’ll understand what I mean when I say this guy is one potently powerful little package!

Finally (for now), I just want to mention DJ’s tats. You know that classy, aesthetic tats are a major, major plus in my book. I love DJ’s tats. I’d love them in color even more, but the sunburst on his left pec and the fantastic turtle on his left shoulder are beautifully done. This is the quality of body artwork that makes me just one to reach out and lick it.

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Being Being Human

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So we’re 3 episodes into Being Human – American Redux. I’ve sat with this, because I don’t want to be impulsive (I’m trying something new). Here’s my take. Sally is the weakest link, here. I didn’t find Annie anywhere near as annoying as I find Sally.

The next-to-the-weakest link is Josh. Of course Sam Huntington was doomed to be compared to Russell Tovey, and as could be predicted, Sam doesn’t have the timing or cuteness or sexiness of Russell. In fact, to paraphrase myself, I didn’t find George anywhere near as annoying as I find Josh.
The strongest link, by far, is Aidan. I have no trouble at all believing that everyone he encounters wants to throw him to the floor and suck his cock, which is pretty much what the vampire mystique is about. 
He’s got sweet, sexy pecs and a sultry face with pouty lips. In some ways, he’s the least like his BBC counterpart, and perhaps that’s the key to why I’m liking him the most. I may even find his tormented addict on the wagon pathos perhaps even a tad more meaningful from Sam W. than from Aidan Turner. But don’t worry, Aidan (the actor, not the character), a hot Irish accent will always tip the balance Aidan’s way though in determining who I’d prefer to be bit by.

I cringe a little when SyFy promotional ads refer to this as “as original series.” I cringe a lot when I’m trolling for caps, watching the episodes online, and a straight Christian dating website is the primary advertiser (WTF?). But I’m firmly a fan of Being Human SyFy for a few reasons (beyond a desperate craving to see more of Sam W. naked). They American redux is already cleaning up some of the odd plot inconsistencies that the first run with BBC apparently didn’t notice (like Annie can pick up objects and move them around in BBC). They’re taking the time to bring the audience along, explaining carefully and conscientiously what we need to know about this version of vampires, werewolves, and ghosts that we might not have known from other iterations of them. They’re already working in more characters and more tension, even as they follow remarkably closely to the BBC script.

All told, and more to the point of this blog, this is absolutely heading to a Being Human Smackdown in a homoerotic wrestling universe near you. Russell and Aidan will be, without a doubt, climbing back into the ring together to face off with their wannabes-mini-me’s. I honestly don’t know how this will all turn out, but I predict that there will definitely be ear pulling, ass slapping, cock and pec clawing, and the sexual tension that both versions of this show effectively draw between the boys simply must be consummated. Stay tuned.

Free Will

wrestlebard2 Comments
Addictions are serious stuff. I’m completely on board with all efforts to take control of one’s life and not allow addictive substances to steal one’s dignity or well-being. But frankly, I’m a little sketchy on “behavioral” addictions, like gambling or sex, if they don’t involve foreign substances that change brain chemistry. I’m certain that I will offend when I say it (and I accept complete responsibility for my decision to say something that may bring unpleasant consequences), but I think this “addictions ideology” we’ve built for ourselves for the past fifty years has grown into, at best, too often an excuse to refuse to accept responsibility for our own actions, and at worse, a particularly vile expression of self-righteous judgmentalism that both enforces narrow and rigid lines of social conformity and offers the tempting allure of transforming fully-functioning people into victims of a faceless fiction.
All this rant, really, is just my set up to point out the absurdity of “Porn Sunday.” Sounds like a good thing, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. Because, like the name of the promoters of this bait-n-switch, Porn Sunday is an intentional deception. It’s the creation of a “church” devoted to combatting online porn. Through the discourse of “addictions,” these folks are offering the metaphorical apple of temptation. Take a bite. Accept the illusion that you’re a victim of evil forces outside your control. You couldn’t help yourself but watch porn, could you? You, poor soul, have been stripped of your free will, and turned into a tool of immoral vice.


Never has the the term Satan-in-a-Sunday-hat applied more literally, if you ask me. The marriage of Christian theology (which, let’s face it, is unapologetically pre-modern) and a modernist perception of enslaving addictions through genetics and/or brain chemistry has always been a troubled, mismatched relationship. Now, there’s plenty about the porn industry that I don’t care for. It took them way too long to care enough about their performers and their customers to address the risks of AIDS, for example. I’m a perennial critic of porn that promotes homophobia and self-hatred, for another example. But come on… there is no invisible hand clicking the computer mouse. There’s no external force unzipping your pants or pulling out… your wallet. We who consume porn do so for multiple reasons: it brings pleasure; it’s a diversion; it brings pleasure; it’s a sexual release; it brings pleasure, etc… That we are controlled by some external force that compels us to gaze at porn despite our better judgment has zero face validity.

“Porn Sunday,” for those who haven’t been tracking it, is this coming Sunday, to coincide with the Superbowl. Some NFL figures are signed up for the effort. Because if anyone has the moral high ground to critique the objectification of bodies that leads to compulsive behaviors that can harm, it’s professional athletes who are payed obscene amounts of money to engage in an activity upon which millions of dollars worth of (mostly illegal) gambling rides week in and week out, isn’t it? 
It’s not as if these very same athletes signing up for Porn Sunday have ever sold skin shots to convince consumers to shell out cash on unnecessary merchandise, is it? It’s not as if precisely these athletes have ever gone shirtless for softcore capitalist commodification of the hot, bare human body, in order to call up sexual lust in the interest of corporate profit, right?
And it’s not as if the NFL promotes unhealthy lifestyles, objectifying and valorizing artificially enhanced physiologies, unhealthy behaviors and self-destructive, self-defeating, unrealistic body images. It’s not as if the hypermasculinization of the NFL has ever contributed to violence or degradation of vulnerable people, right?
I, for one, will be celebrating Porn Sunday this Sunday by making a purchase from a site that features “adult-oriented subject matter,” and requires that I am of legal age and willingly requesting to receive electronic transmission of “adult-oriented material.” And I’ll do it because I don’t think it’s the internet, or porn, or pornboys, or the joy of gazing at beautiful bodies engaged in sex or (wrestling) foreplay that makes me, against my will, enjoy the celebration of sexuality, sex, and bodies. Instead, I’ve got a sex-positive spirituality and sexuality that lead me to believe that this creeping (and creepy) “addictions ideology” smacks an awful lot of the same puritanical, anti-body, anti-sex, anti-gay, anti-women, anti-embodiment politics that has plagued this country since its inception.
God, save me from the self-righteous hypocrites who would try to convince me to be ashamed of my sexuality, my lust, my love, or my body (or yours).

Just a Little Dickish

wrestlebard1 Comment

I feel a little guilty about basking in the backyard sunshine with a good book this morning, after having watched the national news reports of the crippling “monster blizzard” encasing a third of the U.S. in ice and snow. I don’t think of where I live as a particularly weather-enviable location most of the time. But relatively speaking, today is awfully sweet for me and sucky for so many of you.

Rob Riches – for ES Swimwear

Of course there are a variety of strategies for dealing with winter weather blues. Some of us hunker down by the fire, crank up the heat, and do our best to appreciate the cozy intimacy of being trapped indoors. On the other hand, dreaming of warmer days and sun drenched bodies can help to take some of our minds off of the bitter chill of winter’s wrath.

David Costa – for ES Swimwear

You know full well that I’m not above being dickish or a punk, but in all sincerity, these images are intended as entertaining distraction from the icy grip of winter. I’m not trying to make anyone feel jealous or resentful by showing these fine, fine, fine specimens soaking in the summer sun.

Todd Sanfield – for DNA Magazine

Making note of my sunbathing in the backyard with a book this morning was, however, probably intentionally a little dickish. It’s just so rare that I have anything to brag about when it comes to weather.

Stay warm, everybody.