Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Perfecting Imperfections

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I’m hot for deviations. Distinguished deviations from the norm, even the norm of male beauty, actually exponentiate attractiveness in my book. I know I’m not the only one. I remember hearing reports of kids intentionally scarring themselves across their eyebrows in order to look more like heartthrob Luke Perry in the early 90’s. The “imperfection” itself can be what makes someone who is technically beautiful into irresistibly attractive.
I’ve mentioned it before that trenchman newsboy Carter Evan’s dramatically deviated septum makes me weak in the knees. Carter’s dreamy, long-lashed bedroom eyes are enough to make me melt, but that crooked nose drives me nuts and propels him into a very fondly recurring role in my celebrity wrestling fiction.
Milo Ventimiglia’s crooked smile is similarly hot. Apparently, he’s had dead nerve endings around one side of his mouth since birth. All grown up, the sideways smile isn’t just his trademark, it’s fantastically sexy.
True, the rest of Milo’s body doesn’t hurt, either, unless you count what his body does to his opponent’s in a couple of my fantasy wrestling matches. Do you see the theme emerging here? Delightfully deviated turns one into a star in my erotic fantasies.
Reconstructed cleft palates frequently, instantly attract me. It’s not quite a fetish, but it doesn’t hurt at all. Joaquin Phoenix insists that his distinctive upper lip isn’t the result of a cleft palate, but that rather it’s a “birthmark.” Hottie Joaquin has also been loony as a junebug lately, so take it for what it’s worth. Regardless, it’s the same effect. It’s distinctive and a deviation from the tyranny of symmetrical standards of beauty, and it turns me on.
In thinking about it, I came up with a couple of wrestlers who prove the rule that something imperfect makes a hunk perfectly hot. Cole Cassidy looks like he may have a prosthetic right eye (at least, it doesn’t track with his left). There’s so much to adore about Cole, perhaps it isn’t worth mentioning for most of his admirers. But for this admirer, it simply makes him that much more gorgeous. And yes, of course, he’s shown up in my own wrestling fantasies in a stand-alone, fictional story.
Finally, from the BGE vaults I want to mention young, incredibly hot grappler Animal Abban. He doesn’t have his own listing in the BGE roster, and I can’t find his matches on the home page, but he wrestled in the early days of BGE in such backroom classics as Bratpack 7. The intense scarring across his right pec and upper abdomen are really stunning. There’s a serious story there to explain the disappearance of his right nipple and angry red scar tissue (I just don’t know what it is). It’s not like anyone in their right mind would dare suggest that he was anything other than a six-packed, massively armed, gorgeous hunk of boy-next-door meat, but the scars absolutely perfected him.

Beauty is, of course, in the eye of the beholder. I think a diversity of tastes is a wonderful testimony to the wonders of the human imagination and delightful idiosyncrasies that make community happen. The “norm” isn’t inherently bad, I don’t think. Symmetry and mainstreamers can tickle my fancy, too. But by all means, nor is the “norm” inherently good, as most readers of this blog can attest. Vive la différence!

All of Us Rentboys

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Stephen Colbert makes me laugh. He’s also pretty hot, in a nerdy, irreverent smart-ass-in-a-business suit way. Sometimes his parody of the conservative right-wing-baiting media whores is a little creepy… I’m always sending up a little prayer that no one is thinking that his ridiculous mimic of hateful talking points is sincere. As long as I can have faith in that, then Stephen Colbert is nerd-tastic entertainment for me.

Imagine the extra does of erotic joy, then, when I saw Wednesday’s episode of the Colbert Report and caught the completely gratuitous shirtlessness from one of the starring characters in my wrestling fiction, fitness model and aspiring actor, Luke Guldan.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Alpha Dog of the Week – George Rekers
www.colbertnation.com


Gratuitous shirtlessness was the point of Colbert’s snide commentary on a disgraced religious right-ball who was discovered to have hired a male prostitute to rub him down naked during his European vacation. Colbert suggested that he hires his cameramen from the same “rentboy” website, and then the shot cut to Luke, aka “Julian,” running one of Colbert’s cameras in all his musclebound shirtless glory.

I know it’s a skit. I know that Luke isn’t “Julian,” and he isn’t actually a rentboy. Still, Luke has shown up on the Colbert show before, so it certainly looks like Stephen is a return customer at “renting” the services of beautiful Luke. When it comes down to it, aren’t we all in this society renters of bodies? Speaking specifically to the audience that reads this blog, don’t we all pay money to take pleasure (or in Colbert’s case, profit) from a flexed physique, a strutting stud, a chiseled chin, a pair of legs locked painfully around the body of another, a driving cock, a muscled ass…? I tend to think that in this day and age, in this society, we are consumers of bodies, all of us renting one another for what turns us on and/or pays the bills.
Not that I’m saying it’s wrong (or right, for that matter). I’m just saying… capitalism defines us by the means of our production. In a society aspiring to be the most genuine devotees to capitalist ideals, rentboys (whether they be prostitutes, bag handlers, comedians or homoerotic wrestling pornboys) illustrate the extremes to which we go to participate in the social value of commodifying all means of production. What pays the bills, what satisfies the lusts, what gets the job done is more and more tied to the quantification of one another’s bodies. The world of my wrestling fiction emerges from these questions I have about where we’re all heading in our pursuit of capital as the only inherent good. I certainly don’t suggest that I’m above it all. I whore out myself in my own ways (which don’t include being available to rub down homophobes in oil on European vacations), and I eagerly, sometimes ravenously consume the sights, sounds, tastes, feels and smells of fantastically sensual bodies offering themselves to be worshipped (at a price). I just think it bears mentioning and considering. Beauty, worth and dignity are far more than skin deep, and despite the illusions of our social order, none of us is simply worth what someone else will pay. Each of us is worth infinitely more than that.

More Jokes and Jocks

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Tell me this isn’t the look of a hot hunk itching to kick someone’s ass. Okay, this is actually the look of a hot hunk comedian walking still farther down the path toward being a muscle adonis icon.

Joel McHale continues to light up the blogosphere with still another scantily clad appearance in the television show Community. Whoever is producing this show understands how things work. When you’ve got a rising star with a freshly toned muscle body, you flaunt him. Sex sells.

I have a well-documented thing for funny men with hard bodies. The juxtaposition of clownishness and raw muscled sensuality is like catnip: irresistible to the right species (me). A quick wit and a cutting, snide sense of humor overlaying massive, furry pecs and a six pack is golden.
Joel’s time in the gym recently firmly plants him in the constellation of hardbody funny men that make me drift into fantasies of muscle pounding competition. Like my fantasy match up of Chris Evans and Ryan Reynolds, I can’t help but fixate on Joel’s broad pecs and sculpted shoulders and be instantly aroused at the thought of that body getting clawed, twisted and squeezed in the absolutely essential arena of muscled bodies testing one another for domination. I think smart ass clown Joel would be underestimated in the ring, with opponents intent on abusing that button nose and wiping the smirk off his face. I love the story of the underdog who shocks his opponent, taking ownership and laying a deadly serious dose of humiliating domination down. Looking forward to seeing much more of Joel.

A Real Gem

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Astute readers (or even not-so-astute) will have picked up on the fact that I’ve developed somewhat of a crush on BG East battler, Denny Cartier. I have a fondness for 5’5″, 155 pound grapplers with smooth moves, dimpled chins, and tats (indeed, he’s not the first).

He has seriously filled out since his debut with BGE against Jonny Firestorm. But even in that debut, a little smaller, less defined and less meticulously groomed, Denny caught my eye. There’s something “real” about his appearance and presentation that makes me imagine that I could run into him at the grocery store someday.
On that note, I swear (swear, swear, swear) I sat across from Denny’s little brother on the bus today. I have no idea if Denny has a little brother, much less if he lives in this part of the world and rides public transportation. But this dramatically dimple-chinned, curly dark-haired, irrepressible 5-o’clock shadow at 8 in the morning, early 20’s-something kid was absolutely dipped out of the same gene pool as the lovely gem, Denny.
Back to my imagining of the “real men of BGE” (there’s a product in there somewhere, and when they produce it, I should absolutely get a mention in the credits… and a free copy). Denny has a realness about him that makes him fundamentally believable and that much sexier for it. Not that I think he’s always selling at 100% (though I do think he’s a superb salesman). But I can’t help but believe that he’s a real joe with some wrestling legits who’s making some supplemental income (not to mention fans) by learning the ropes in the world of homoerotic pro of various genres. I could totally see myself running into him in the produce section of the grocery store, buying a head of lettuce right next to me dressed in sweats and trainers. Of course, in my mind’s eye, Denny gives me an appraising nod, checking me out. He strikes up an innocent, yet all the more flirtatious for its innocence, conversation. We end up at his place, furniture cleared to the walls, and he ties me up in knots… repeatedly, because regardless of his less than stellar record in BGE, on his turf in the real world, he’s a savvy, lightning fast bundle of dominating muscle. Finally we’re exhausted, entirely aroused, and 100% in sync.

Oh, and he cooks me dinner afterward.

Bodies Over Time

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I’m seeing another Chris Bruce match in the newest pre-release teasers from BG East Arena. Chris appears to be facing off next with sweat soaked stunner Alexi Adamov. Before someone asks, it’s only up in the Arena at this time, so if you don’t subscribe, you’ll have to wait a little longer to see what I’m talking about. Chris is a classic study in bodies over time, I think. His face remains square-jawed and handsome, and his body has grown into multiple new delights with maturity.

The first match I saw of Chris’ was his Hard Pros bout with Flyboy. It’s not the most entertaining match, and Chris doesn’t quite pull of the prerequisite for the genre (at least not convincingly). He does, however, get an unlikely and unusual victory over Flyboy, stripping his hard opponent and posing overtop of him.
There’s something a little demure about hugely muscled Chris, throughout his career. Unlike his bout with Flyboy, Chris is by far most frequently a solid jobber. He’s a punching bag and object of humiliation for a roster of eager punks who best the by-the-book boytoy.
He made a “comeback” of sorts against Cole Cassidy in Demolition 10. Cole’s atomic wedgie on Chris is worth the price of this entire DVD for my money. A classic heel like Cole opening up an arsenal of humiliation on the bigger, bulkier, more mature muscles of Chris is a classic contest.
My recent purchase of Backyard Brawls 6 illustrates the storyline that bodies over time seem to track if they last long enough. Young stud, Denny Cartier, shows up and essentially pokes Chris with a stick while the elder statesman of the mats is trying to mediate. Words are exchanged. The phrase, “old man” is batted about. And an eager, outdoor battle of youth and muscle vs. experience and muscle is had.
Chris isn’t always the most creative or skilled in his wrestling prowess. He doesn’t always quite hold his own in the battle of banter. But with age, he’s learned to leverage his massive muscles and sheer bulk, squeezing and overpowering many of the young bucks who think he’s easy pickings. As for me, I’ll take experience and muscle or youth and muscle and be equally satisfied at the end of the day. Given a shot a young Denny or mature Chris, I’d be hard pressed to say which one I’d prefer to pound on. Chris scores for that astonishingly round ass, but Denny’s ink is a major turn on for this kinkster. I say it’s a win-win, regardless.

Au Natural

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Here’s something I haven’t really thought a lot about until now. Furry butts.

I’ve met plenty of furry butts, mind you. I’ve appreciated all the furry butts I’ve met. But when I turn to the professional displayers of bare butts in my porn, I’m hard pressed to think of even one of them with some natural fuzz left on their cheeks.
British actor Danny Young is proudly showing off his hirsute hind-end and the rest of his hot little body in the UK gay rag, Attitude. I know not all men are blessed with attractively distributed body hair, and seriously, that’s just fine with me. But the standard that asses should be smooth as… well, babies’ bottoms is unfortunate, I think. When they are, that’s great. When they aren’t, that should be great as well.
Sweet, sweet Danny illustrates the abundant joys of hot, well-groomed body hair all over. Like Squarehippies, I do love darkly hairy forearms and a carpet from clavicle to crotch. Danny’s hairy, muscled torso pictured ready for a fight in the ring is fantastically erotic for every kink that tweaks me.
But back to butts… this all makes me think about an old standard from Can-Am that I own. I purchased California Muscleboy Oil Wrestling way, way back when, in no small part due to an intense attraction for curly haired Roman god, Antonio Silva. The bodies are beautiful throughout this little piece, though the wrestling seems more like a practice session in selling: little convincing action but the boys grimace and groan like they’re passing a stone. Any-hoo, Antonio appears twice in the collection, sporting a blessedly brief speedo over his astonishingly round muscle butt. Invariably and quickly, his trunks get wedgied. And clear as day we’re treated to the display of a strip of Antonio’s darkly furry behind. Thing is, most of his body, including his cheeks, have been waxed. It’s only a narrow line of abundant fur right around his crack that’s been spared, perhaps presuming that the non-naked action would never reveal where the waxing ends. It still makes me laugh and scratch my head a little. One way or the other, smooth or hairy, I’m all on board. But conspicuous and incomplete grooming looks just a little silly.
So my tastes do span a range. One doesn’t have to be a Mr. America contestant to float my boat. One certainly doesn’t need to be waxed from chin to anklebone, by any means. In fact, I think the more variety, the better. All the furry butts and smooth butts and brown butts and white butts and tight butts and bubble butts… I’m in favor of them all, proudly and generously displayed for our edification and appreciation.

To Worship or Not to Worship?

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I’m coming up for air after a whirlwind weekend. It was good and exhausting. Of course, now the work week begins. So I have the stamina only for a brief posting to ponder.

Truitt Fields. What’s his story? I know that there are readers that can and hopefully will tell me. I get a conservative Christian hit off off him that makes me wary. In which case, I’m not always clear what’s the ethical thing to do. Do you worship a worship-worthy musclegod if he’s a hater?
Not that I know that Truitt is. Of course, in my imagination he’s at the very least bi-curious with a kink for getting covered in honey and having me lick it off every inch of his stunning body. So perhaps I don’t want to know what and who he is in real life. It’ll never measure up to the pleasures I can imagine for him.

Re-Subscribing

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I subscribed to Naked Kombat when they had just a handful of matches up. It was definitely entertaining, but the limited library left me feeling like my porn budget might be better spent elsewhere. Now that Rusty Stevens is riding high as my champion favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, I decided to re-up with NK to take a look at Rusty’s body…. of work there.

Their library is a lot deeper these days, and so I’m endlessly entertained with touring through the pages of matches. Rusty appears in four NK matches. His most recent appears to be from last November 18, in which Rusty destroys Tommy Defendi in body, mind and spirit.
Rusty spends a whole lot of this match sitting on Tommy’s face and chest, and I don’t get tired of it from start to finish. Rusty plays Tommy’s body like a church organist, using his hands and feet to pump, stroke and pound every vulnerable inch. The final “sex” round works for me in a way that surprises me just a little. It’s over the top. It sticks to the script. But it really, really works for me. Rusty riding Tommy on all fours like a horse is captivating. But the moment that Rusty rips off his condom and wraps his sweat soaked legs around Tommy’s neck while both of them stroke themselves to the point of exhaustion (Rusty barking instructions the entire time)… that moment is sweet, sweet wrestling kink.

Down (Under) with Padding

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I literally have my hands full today, so this will have to be short and, hopefully sweet. Here’s apparently the first still from the upcoming movie, Thor.

I’m not sure if I’d have chosen this particular picture as the first teaser. Chris Hemsworth looks about 20 years older than he is from this angle. And the suit is… underwhelming me so far. I know that comic-heads get radically agitated about which costumes and styles are authentic to what artist and rendition of comic book heroes. But as for me, my criteria are simple. Show me the Norse god in muscle-hugging tights and bare, superhumanly muscled arms or don’t bother.
You know and I know (and I know you know) that I’ll be watching this flick. But compared to the teaser stills of Prince of Persia, Thor is looking a little doubtful to me so far. No wonder that in my fantasy world where all casting decisions rely on homoerotic wrestling competitions, Chris Hemsworth had to be severely punished and humiliated by Alexander Skarsgård, who he beat out for this part. If Chris is all hair extensions and padded suits, the scandic children of Thor should be majorly offended.

More Prince of Pecs

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This works for me on so many levels. Jake Gyllenhaal’s massively pumped pecs with a fantastic carpet of hair, the rippled abs, the vascularity in the arms, the long hair to yank him around the ring by (yes, Jake shows up in my wrestling fantasies)… This movie could turn out to be crap on a stick, and you know what? I predict I’d still own it the same day it comes out on DVD.
Have I mentioned that got sucked into Prince of Persia, the videogame, for a while? It’s not something I’m proud of. Obsessing over a video game is so junior high. Still, as the main character in the video game gets increasingly stripped of his clothes and more muscularly defined over the course of the story line, it all has an erotic subtext/text that I’m helpless against. That’s exactly how I feel seeing the drool-worthy teaser stills of Jake playing this role. Now, if I could only grab him by the joystick and make him do whatever I want him to do, just like the video game…