Sidelineland

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

January 6, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

I’ve been touched by some back channel lobbying for my homoerotic wrestler of the month title lately. I don’t flatter myself into believing that it really amounts to anything momentous, but it boosts my ego a bit to know that there are wrestlers and fans who care enough to make a pitch. As I repeat often, this is an entirely subjective honor that conveys nothing other than which wrestler appearing in a new release kept recurring in my waking homoerotic wrestling fantasies most, which wrestler inspired the rawest lust and the deepest satisfaction, which wrestler made me gasp, or laugh, or groan in such a way that, as I look back on the previous month’s new release, it’s his face (or other body parts) that keep showing up in my mind’s eye. Knowing full well that someone is instantly disappointed the moment I announce it, I humbly present my choice for December’s new release homoerotic wrestler of the month…

… Trey Dixon.

trey7 — Skip Vance couldn’t keep his hands off Trey in Gear Wars 4.

Regular readers will note that this is the second win for the golden fantasy man in just 6 months. Trey’s first snag of the crown as HWOTM came with his summer appearance in Wet & Wild 7. He moved his mouthwatering body inside for last month’s winter new release, Gear Wars 4. Facing the return of perennial jobber Skip Vance, Trey demonstrated once again why he has been setting the homoerotic wrestling scene and my crotch on fire in the relatively brief time his been in the business. He made me gasp, laugh and groan (and grow) in this December gear fetish themed confrontation, and he showed new depths to his full fledged citizenship in the the world of homoerotic wrestling.

It may not be the first time we’ve heard Trey speak on camera, but it’s the first time I remember savoring that slow, sweet Southern drawl as it drips like honey from his mouth. I believe Skip is an Arkansas boy, but I don’t know where ripped hunk Trey earned that luscious accent. His FB page says he’s from Los Angeles, but I’ve never met anyone from LA with as seductive a drawl as that. It isn’t just the quality of his voice that gets me either. He’s witty, clever, and deep down hungry, conveyed mostly in phenomenal body language peppered perfectly with a clear vocal narrative. His cocky banter paired with a throaty, eager craving to take full possession of Skip in one fantasy gear choice after another makes me laugh just a little, then silences me with his full throttle fetish sell.

trey3 — The most perfect pairing of gear and wrestling hunk!

The fashion show of Gear Wars 4 shows off Trey’s unbelievably sexy physique delightfully from start to full monty finish, but it’s that skin tight yellow singlet that made me literally gasp when Trey steps onto the BG East mat in it. I’m not the only one a little dizzy at the sight of the golden boy poured like chocolate milk inside that sensationally sexy singlet. Honestly, I think 9 hot wrestlers out of 10 couldn’t pull that singlet off (there’s a Friday Fashion poll in there somewhere, I’m sure), but Trey is nothing short of a vision of perfectly proportioned sex and wrestling in it. His vacuum packed package is hard to tear your eyes away from (and hard for Skip to refrain from grabbing reverently), but I swear there isn’t an inch of Trey that isn’t made that much sexier in this gear.

But it was the naked scramble near the end of this match that made me groan. A lot. Clearly staking out territory beyond his traditional jobber kingdom, Skip comes on stronger and harder the more of Trey’s mouthwatering skin he sees. I love this element of Skip driven to conquering success, despite his deep jobber cred, due to the enticing, intoxicating, alluring wonders of Trey’s 3% body fat, bronzed, beautiful, smooth, physique. I believe I’m correct in saying that every opponent Trey has faced has ended up sucking that face long and hard and giving every appearance of completely forgetting there’s a camera crew hovering nearby. Trey obviously doesn’t exactly resent inspiring a raging wrestling lust victory in his opponent, which makes me that much more infatuated with him. The moment at nearly the end of this match that Skip schoolboy pins his golden prey, reaching back and firmly grabbing hold of Trey’s perfectly bronzed meat says it all. Skip is as hard as a board and shockingly huge (I know I’ve seen him erect before, but damn it all if he doesn’t look way bigger than I ever remember). Gear on, off, on, off, on, off, on and off again has worked both lustful wrestlers into nothing short of a lather, and the fully naked, standing, inverted head scissors in which Trey hangs upside down, giving Skip unobstructed access to possess Trey’s cock hungrily, is my climax to this match.

Although I’ve been turned on like crazy by every match I’ve seen of Trey’s, this match truly surprised me on many counts, not the least of which is how supremely sexy his picture perfect body is from absolutely every angle and in and out of every gear genre. I’ve told a couple of friends recently that I’d give a kidney or two to pour honey all over that Academy Award statue that Trey calls his body and lick every inch of him. Slowly. What Skip’s imagination came up with after he dragged his trophy hunk from the mat room, we can only guess.

trey6 — December’s Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

So for the second time in just 6 months, I’m enthusiastically studying every bulge and crevice and saying Trey Dixon is not only homoerotic wrestling perfection in Gear Wars 4, he’s also my new homoerotic wrestler of the month.

2014 in the Rear-View Mirror

December 31, 2014January 1, 2015 wrestlebard4 Comments

Facebook has been offering to package a graphic presentation of how great 2014 was for me. FB doesn’t know shit. Despite ending on a bad note, though, it is certainly true that a lot of great things happened in recently past year. Remembering the best helps put the worst in perspective, so here are my top 10 favorite moments of 2014.

10. In May, Gio Benitez posted a desperately anticipated (by me) shirtless pic. Hot newsboys always grab my attention and stick in my memory, and the dubiously philanthropic fad of dumping buckets of icewater on oneself provided some sweet teases of hot newsboy muscles this year, including Gio and David Muir. But no news was quite so newsworthy as beefy sophomore newsboy Gio Benitez releasing a group photo with him right in the middle showing off his bare, beautiful, meaty pecs.

Jose made sure I also saw this sweet tease Gio released for New Year, with Gio’s muscles pumping and bulging as fellow fantasy man Ryan Hughes “trains” him.

9. In March I enjoyed a novel interview with adorable rookie jobber Ty Alexander all about homoerotic wrestling fashion. It was the first fashion-themed interview I’ve done, and Ty was all earnestness and adorability in dishing out fashion advice and sharing copious photos of his personal collection, both with his bodacious bubble butt in and out of them. Ty continues to impress me as a true native of the homoerotic wrestling universe, and I keep warning Drake Marcos to keep an eye out for this ingenue rising from the fresh meat counter to pick off more established young talents as the young wrestling stud on top of the fan-crush pile. Sure, with Ty it’s all about fashion. And wrestling. And, well, Ty. Just what will he get up to in 2015, one wonders…

8. In May, Clint Morgan sat down with me for a compelling and controversial interview. It should come as no surprise that brutal beast Clint pulls no punches, musing on both the dos and don’ts of the homoerotic wrestling world according to Clint. I’m still praying for that rip-and-strip match between Clint and Tyrell Tomsen to be realized in 2015… in my living room.

7. There are a few wrestlers who I have been angling to interview for a while. Perhaps in 2015 I’ll finally nail down some of those nasty cock teases. But a highlight of 2014 was the reward of tenacity and ingenuity to overcome unusual obstacles and have a thoughtful interview with giant killer Jayden Mayne in October. Hollywood handsome and shockingly brutal, wiry Jayden has plan to beef up and knock the legs out from underneath more big bruisers in the coming year. Cannot wait!

6. In May, homoerotic wrestling fanatic and friend of neverland, Jose, launched his sensational, bilingual homoerotic wrestling blog, La Sustancia P. Jose has carved out a delightful corner of all of the musings about the wrestling we love that’s all his own. The charts and lists and unstoppable powers of deduction bring the art of a homoerotic wrestling infatuation firmly into the realm of science. And science never, ever turned me on as hard as when I’m reading La Sustancia P.

5. August saw the fulfillment of a long-dreamed of moment for me, the on camera appearance of Kid Karisma’s naked ass. The answer of how many times must Kid K win the “best butt” year-end award before those glutes show up unobstructed is 2. In Undagear 22, my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler burned up the mat and crushed and demolished lucky, lucky, lucky Ray Naylor brutally. In a moment of generosity, though, Kid K celebrated his victory by peeling off his sweat soaked undagear and strolling slowly off the mat, bare assed and epically beautiful. I’m hoping this story arc swings into 2015 with actual bare assed, full contact wrestling action from Kid Karisma.

4. Some interviews are the result of begging, pleading and stealing on my part. And then some of my favorite interviews absolutely fall into my lap. When Chuck Flying Tiger Collins dropped me a note appreciating this blog in November, I snapped up the opportunity eagerly. Chatting with the Flying Tiger was like sitting down with an old friend, the back and forth flowing easily. Where I’m often battling nerves during interviews, Chuck had me kicking up my feet and coasting delightfully through the past, present and potential future of homoerotic wrestling. And then I nearly fell off my seat when Chuck sent me a couple of photos of his shirtless self today. Damn, damn, damn, I’m aching to see a Flying Tiger comeback in 2015!

3. In February I saddled up for my first three-way interview, sitting down with both Mason Brooks and Drake Marcos. Coming off of their sizzling hot Passion and Punishment match, I was counting my lucky stars to get to deconstruct their phenomenal confrontation from both handsome hunks’ perspectives. Little did I know I’d have a tiger by the tail in trying to steer both cocky studs through the same conversation. And while I was fully expecting Mason and Drake to throw shade each other’s way, I was sincerely shocked to find Drake irked and annoyed at me, despite my every effort to heap praise and adoration on the world class jobber boy. The interview turned into one of my favorite moments of the year for both the hotness I knew would ensue, as well as the heat that took me entirely by surprise.

2. Speaking of unexpected, my October interview with Shane McCall was simply the hottest interview I’ve ever conducted. I’ve been a slack jawed fanboy of Shane’s from the first moment I discovered BG East. So my heart was already a-fluttering from the get-go when I started talking with him about his epic return to the ring in Catch Weight 6, where he had some harsh words (and harsher holds) for cocky young jobber Ty Alexander. Shane’s retrospective on his early days in wrestling, his insights into the spirit and spirituality of homoerotic wrestling, and his candid thoughts about the near future of the business had me hard, but when Shane sucked me into his big, hairy, bear daddy fantasies, I was literally swooning. I had to hydrate often and towel often even more often, and if you’ve read the interview, it should come as little surprise it was a highlight of my year/decade. Shane also sent me New Year’s best wishes with this photo (above) attached, proving once again he can bend my back across his knee and go to town on my abs any day or night he wants!

1. Hands down my favorite moment of the year was meeting Drake Marcos and climbing into the BG East ring to settle a blogger v wrestler score that was brewing all year long. The whole visit was outstanding, and the entire match, including getting crushed hard between Drake’s crazy sexy legs, was thrilling. But if I had to narrow the whole thing down to that one, distinct, pristine moment that rises to the top, the very best of the best was stepping back to admire the jobber trapped in the ropes, then grabbing my phone in one hand and a handful of Drake’s hair in the other and snapping this keepsake.

So, sure it was “a year to remember” for so many reasons, and even this little jaunt down memory lane turns me on with memories that will surely get me hard for years to come. When it comes to outstandingly memorable moments in homoerotic wrestling blogging, I’d go so far as to say that this one is going to be very tough to beat. But I’m holding out hope that 2015 will have even more awesome, outstanding moments in store. Thanks to all of the fine men who were part of this year’s fun, including all of the hunks who let me interview them, all of my fellow bloggers who kept me informed and motivated, and one particular vanquished buck who proved once again that the pen, and my chokehold, are mightier than the jobber.

Holiday Cheer

December 27, 2014 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Bringing a little sparkle to my Christmas and warmth to my crotch, Ty Alexander sent me this Christmas card with love. Hands behind his head, smooth torso stretched out, sweet bulge pressing against the confines of those tight trunks… now that’s what I call holiday cheer!

The Season

December 23, 2014 wrestlebard2 Comments

As the longest night of the year passes, I thought I’d acknowledge that I’ve been relatively MIA around here, particularly when it comes to updating neverland. Just last month we experienced a big loss in the Bard household. I haven’t posted about it because grief is a buzz kill, and I didn’t want any of you to get your buzz killed along with mine. But as the year wraps up, I thought I’d explain my absence as far as saying that the end of this year seriously sucked. In addition to not posting here regularly, I also dropped the ball on at least 2 homoerotic wrestling related projects I committed to. Like I said, grief is a buzzkill, and I was struggling to get into it.

drake20 — Last year, this was on my wish list.

Happily, my buzz is returning. Things left undone in the mean time include not sending my traditional Christmas wish list to Santa’s little elves to deliver goodies to share with you here. You may remember it was precisely that Christmas wish list last year that Drake Marcos filled with some provocative pics and a particular taunt that came back to bite him in the butt this fall. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever have quite such a fantasy wish list filled as climbing into the ring and gloating in victory over a too-big-for-his-britches sexy jobber wasted at my feet. Perhaps I should take a break from making wishes and just appreciate the good fortune last year’s list brought me. Then again, I wouldn’t say no to any choice pics of beautiful wrestling muscles Santa’s little elves send my way.

Honestly, one of the things that’s been highlighted by my recent loss is the amazing community of support that this little blog has generated for me in the past 6 years. As certain as I am to never, ever let Drake live down his stripped and strung up humiliation at the hands of a mere blogger, I’m just as definite about counting the Cheshire Cat among my friends that I can turn to for a word of consolation, or a distraction, or a kick in the ass, whatever the situation requires. Several wrestlers and readers alike that I hear from regularly (not the charming “Hey dude, I’m going to fuck you up, so let’s wrestle” private messengers, but the others) reached out and offered thoughtful and compassionate words of support to me over the past several weeks. I’m a little in awe and humbled to recognize just how much that’s meant to me, and amazed to think that a shared infatuation with the eroticism of wrestling is the common denominator that shaped those personal connections.

chaos2 — Thunder’s Arena’s new Christmas Chaos 2014 release is threatening to get me right back in the mood. Damn, look at sexy as hell young Kris Kringle red-bearded beauty Frey!

For those of you in the middle of holiday celebrations, I add to my late-started wish list that you have a great time, surrounded by love and support and with at least one rip-and-strip wrestling match in store for you with a hardbodied fantasy man of your dreams. For those of you not in the middle of holiday celebrations,well, hey… same for you, but with a bottle of baby oil thrown in for a little extra fun. To those who have been inconvenienced because I’ve dropped the ball lately, my sincere apologies and genuine intention and expectation that I’ll be back at the work that I love the most (and pays me the least) in the coming weeks. And finally, to anyone else in our community that’s finding this time of year particularly fucked up because of recent loss, I hear you. I know what you mean. It’s going to be okay, but not before it keeps sucking some more. So hang in there.

Fantasy Come True

December 16, 2014December 16, 2014 wrestlebard2 Comments

You know me. I enjoy some playful gear play in homoerotic wrestling as much as the next guy. Not as much as some of you, I know, but I’m intrigued and motivated by the concept of two gear fetish boys living out their fantasies in a winner gets to pick the next gear scenario. Trey Dixon and Skip Vance are intensely passionate to go to town on each other from the start in BG East’s new release Gear Wars 4. Fantasy manTrey apparently got to select the first fantasy gear: masks and tights for a sizzling hot ring beatdown. I fucking LOVE the temperature and pace as these two tear into each other, convincing me conclusively that they’re both stoked hotter and hotter by the fantasy gear itself, turning the high impact combat into sweet, sweet homoerotic wrestling. I’m completely turned on by both Trey and Skip groaning with pleasure when they enjoy riding time with a grope chaser. The momentum turns around a few times, but at face value, Trey is just too fucking big and strong to see this match up going anyway but his. And sure enough, strung up in the ropes and completely at his opponent’s mercy, Skip gets unmasked and forced to submit, giving Trey the next gear choice. But holy baby Jesus, I’m absolutely blown away by the sight of golden muscle boy Trey squeezed impossibly tightly into a yellow singlet. I mean, wow. I need to wipe some drool off of my chin. Other fluids are flowing as well. And clearly I’m not alone. Skip is momentarily speechless (and that’s saying something) as he stares slack jawed at this ripped, golden vision standing in front of him. I’m in awe of the mouthwatering beauty of Trey head to toe, but like Skip, I keep finding my eyes fixating on his tantalizing package suctioned into the pouch of that singlet.

That yellow singlet seems to inspire Skip to even more fervent offense, and if the ring action was delightfully erotic, the match combat is nothing short of full contact foreplay. Skip makes the most of every advantage he earns by squeezing and stroking the golden muscle boy with a hungry fierceness. As proxy for me and my wrestling imagination, Skip does a fine job of lustfully admiring Trey’s phenomenal physique from every angle.

The simpatico between Trey and Skip is stunning to watch. It’s not as if either wrestler is unaware of those moments of distraction they stumble into when one of them gets carried away with the eroticism. When Trey turns the tables on Skip, clearly aware of the blond boy’s carving to study every inch of Trey’s ripped bod, the golden boy sits on his chin and yanks on Skip’s hair to plant the punk’s mouth right between those stunningly hot, gorgeously muscled golden glutes. Honestly, I’m a little disappointed Skip didn’t say, “thank you!” Then again, he had a mouthful of meaty ass to choke on.

Skip scores a stunning submission on the goldenboy, earning both the right to rip the mask off of him and select the next gear. Seeing Trey’s ripped muscles stretched out and at Skip’s mercy absolutely grabs me by the balls. Skip works in just a little, too little for my taste, groping and muscle worship on his momentarily vanquished opponent.

The first gear change happened off camera, so I was incredibly pleased to see that the rest of the switheroos happen in full site of each other and me. Trey’s pissed as he peels out of that suction packed singlet, irked at having been submitted by the vicious boy toy. I’m a little pissed that we’re done with seeing him in that singlet, because… fuck. He’s insanely sexy in that thing. Then again, seeing Trey’s naked body before he slips on the designer briefs that Skip has chosen for him next isn’t a disappointment in the least. The briefs are beautiful as well, and appropriately, Trey stays in shimmering gold.

trey8 — Putting the “erotic” in homoerotic wrestling.

The boys quickly move through the next submission and into jock straps, which last about 45 seconds before the next submission and the fully aroused combatants start going at it entirely naked. I’m long gone several times over well before the full monty climactic scrap at the end, but the pause button, a little recovery time, and some water make the brief naked wrestling deeply satisfying all over again. Both boys are hard, but Skip’s uncut cock is absolutely raging with lust as he wraps up and is wrapped up by the stunning physical specimen bare beneath him. Personally, I find Skip more compelling as a wholesale jobber. He screams bloody murder and whimpers in a way that tickles my prostate just right. So his highly competitive and frequently dominating/domineering work in Gear Wars 4 isn’t quite in the sweet spot where I enjoy Skip most. But I have yet to see Trey fail to make me gasp in awe and wonder. His body is superhuman. His wrestling is raw and very rough. And having never heard the golden god talk nearly as much in any prior match, I am weak at the knees to hear that visually dizzying form of his paired with a deep, slow Southern drawl. I cannot wait (CAN NOT WAIT!) to see this phenom face a serious challenge in the ring. In whose expert hands do you think Trey should seriously be initiated into the ring? I’ve got my own ideas…

Dark Chemistry

December 10, 2014 wrestlebard4 Comments

Some challenges should not be taken up lightly. For example, making a contribution to BG East’s Dark Knights series strikes me as a huge undertaking with so many nuanced and necessary moving parts that it’s little wonder that they go years at a time between producing new ones. Finding the particular constellation of wrestlers with certain erotic fantasies and personalities to embody them, along with hot bodies and a readiness to go all-in on the psychoerotic content of sexual domination and wrestling has got to be a rare gem to unearth.

Ty Alexander and Goren Ford make a bid to inhabit the Dark Knights series.

Frankly, I wasn’t certain whether BG East had the recipe quite right when I sat down with Dark Knights 12. For one thing, lovely, lickable Ty Alexander seemed like a possible miscast. The sweet jobber has been owned by every eager pair of hands to grab hold of that bodacious butt of his so far in his outings with BG East. I’ve noted from the beginning that the fashion-forward stud clearly has a wrestling arsenal to be reckoned with, despite his ultimate defeats, but still, I’ve had this sneaking suspicion all along that Ty may get off on getting owned. Having him star as the stubborn, competitive prize that must be conquered and bent to the will of a new master could have been a short trip. A full-fledged jobber who’s demonstrated conclusively his arousal at being dominated by prior opponents might not make a compelling conquest for a Dark Knight.

Happily, I was wrong about babyface Ty. The kid is most definitely not made of sugar and spice and everything nice, and with a baritone bruiser never seen on camera before showing up and promising to tag and bag him, Ty’s response is fucking brilliant. He sorts the rookie daddy-wannabe out right quick, squeezing the fight out of Goren Ford with those smooth, powerful legs. “You think you’re pretty tough, eh boy?” Goren grunts locked up nice and tight. “I can handle you,” he promises ironically looking stuck-but-good in Ty’s confident clutches.

Ty8 — Ty’s answer to an opponent who “talks to much.”

“You talk too much,” Ty smirks, rolling his would-be conquerer to his back in a schoolboy pin and slapping on a full-throttle kiss. He suddenly covers Goren’s mouth and nose with his hand, threatening to smother the handsome rookie out early, using his free hand to squeeze and stroke Goren’s gorgeous, meaty pecs. Nope, Ty is not a pushover, and if a ripped rookie like Goren anticipated that would be the case, he’s sorely mistaken.

Ty2 — Goren looks hungry as he ties Ty into knots.

Casting a raw rook as potential Dark Knight daddy also worried me initially. Selling this story requires a ton of sell, not just of physical domination, but deep, raging hard lust to take ownership of another man, body and soul. There are certainly BG East stars fully qualified to take me down that path without a second glance, . The bench of tried and true heels with proven track records for delighting in crushing, humiliating, and reveling in the spoils of victory is deep, any one of which could easily show the capacity and motivation for this role. A rookie must not only tell this complex story of physical and psychological domination, but he’s also introducing himself to us. He’s conveying the tolerances and temptations of his commitment to wrestle. He’s demonstrating his tactical prowess and convincing us of his ample strength and stamina. He has to sell us on him, and then sell us on him as hard-as-granite for bending a boy’s body in order to break his will and make him his bitch. As instantly infatuated with Goren’s look as I was, I was skeptical.

Ty4 — Hottest pair of asses to appear in the same match!? Quite possibly…

Then again, never mind! Holy fuck, Goren looks like he owns the place! Or, perhaps more to the point, he owns mouthwatering Ty with a decisiveness and delight that leaves me with the feeling that I’ve been lusting after this handsome hunk (and that outrageously phenomenal ass!!!) for years. Like a truly dominating daddy, Goren doesn’t raise his voice. Even when he’s letting the kid get riding time, his sexy-as-fuck deep baritone coos and croons, demonstrating over and over that the worst that Ty can do (and obviously, it’s seriously bad), is nothing that a hot hunk like Goren is worried about in the least. Stunningly, the hunk simply tosses Ty off of him like an errant piece of lint. With total command, he mounts Ty’s face, treating the boy to an intimate encounter with those glutes Ty has been pawing at eagerly, and lets the kid squirm and writhe in a panic.

ty9 — Goren sternly trains Ty in precisely how he likes it.

So sure, I had my doubts before pushing play, but I am totally sold as this Greek tragedy plays out all over Ty’s gorgeous body. Bit by bit, Goren wears him down, wears him out. Fuck, he just plain wears him like a hot banana hammock that makes daddy feel that extra bit of sexy at the end of the day. He’s just too much muscle and raging crush-lust for cherubic Ty to resist for long, and once Ty’s battered into defenselessness, Goren goes to town turning the kid into his personal sex toy.

Ty5 — Goren had better never see that angelic little white thong on his boy ever again!

Defenselessness, however, is not the end game in a Dark Knights match. It’s not that Ty is beaten into an inability to keep fighting. It’s not that he’s sleepered out cold, or physically dominated into submission. The end game is psychological submission, the handing over of not just Ty’s body, but his will to his aspiring daddy. And delightfully, Ty doesn’t give it up willingly. That sly, shit-eating grin that grows on the boy’s face whenever he’s about to defy his would-be conquerer is priceless. My friends, in this daddy-boy performance art, Ty is a naughty, naughty boy. And as fun as it is to watch Ty grow petulant, it absolutely works me into a lather to watch Goren grin right back at him, relishing the challenge of (often literally) slapping the kid back down.

Ty6 — Ty can’t remember if this was his idea or daddy’s.

The chemistry between these two is explosive. I mean, literally, the explosions that happen here are way messy and making me bitter that the DVD doesn’t come with the ability to smell the body fluids coating the mat and both beautiful bodies. As infatuated as I was from the start with Goren’s phenomenal ass, I’m simply stunned by his incredible cock. If BG East decides to launch a Best Cock category in the year-end fan poll, Goren Ford is at the top of my ballot. I can’t imagine that being forced to provide full service to that magnificent member is exactly an onerous task for beautiful Ty, but Ty’s pleasure is regularly punctuated by the harsh discipline that his new daddy metes out in expertly measured doses. He’s training his boy sternly, demonstrating that once conquered, Ty’s pleasure and pain are entirely within the purview of daddy Goren. And for the record, daddy Goren likes to taunt, but there’s something incredibly moving about watching the look of satisfaction on his face as he watches Ty obey daddy’s command to jerk himself off. Chemistry. Fucking incredible chemistry.

ty10 — A match made in Dark Knights heaven. What a team!

Dark Knights 12 is visually stunning, incredibly compelling psychodrama with two outstanding combatants who sell this erotic fantasy with an enthusiasm that convinces me that there’s a lot more here than just putting out for the camera. There will remain a bitter, unfilled hole in my life as long as I don’t see these two show up in a daddy & boy tag team ring match. And I’m saying here and now my money is on the Ford-Alexander team. Please, oh please wrestling gods, hear my prayer!

Baby Oil & a Big Night

December 6, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

I hope I get to celebrate Cameron Matthews birthday every year, because this year, for his birthday, he sent me a present. Knowing full well of my infatuation with Lon Dumont, Cameron dropped me a sneak preview of Lon’s first ever oil wrestling match, and asked, in exchange, if he could use some of my words about the match to help promote it on his website. Pretty much everything after he said “Lon oil wrestling” was mostly just noisy static in my ears, but nevertheless, I did spend some delightfully intimate time appreciating Lon and his opponent, rocking Charlie Panther, wrestling in baby oil. I agreed to let Cameron use whatever part of my write up he found useful to help promote the sales of the match. You can, and should, check out his website to see which part of the following he decided to use…

lon — Hot, hard muscles always look better with a slowly, deeply applied coat of baby oil!

“Smells good, feels good,” Lon murmurs rubbing his ripped, smooth bodybuilder physique all over with baby oil. Looks fucking amazing, too, I’d like to add. Dressed in just a towel after stepping out of the steam room, the wrestler-turned bodybuilder (and back again) treats his phenomenal anatomy with the love and admiration it so well deserves. That’s right, fans of glistening, hardbodied muscle hunks, pull out your own bottles of baby oil and prepare to lather up, because there’s nothing quite so provocative as a competition bodybuilder in stunning condition luxuriating in applying a deep, thick coat of baby oil.

Well, perhaps one thing more provocative is a second hardbodied wrestler with an expansive ego and a sudden, jealous need for skin care that only a bottle of baby oil can provide. Charlie Panther steps out of the sauna and asks Lon to share. Teasingly, Lon rubs some oil into Charlie’s bulging right pec. “I like the way you get deep into the crevices,” Charlies groans, his eyes fluttering under Lon’s touch. Lon concedes to thoroughly apply a fresh coat to Charlie’s right arm as well. But no more, Lon insists. He’s got way too many mouthwatering muscles of his own to lubricate. “And I’ve got big night planned for this baby oil,” Lon discloses with a wink.

“If you don’t share that baby oil with me now, those big plans you have are going to change!” Charlie demands, grabbing for Lon’s cylinder and chasing the taunting bodybuilder into the nearby ring. Suddenly, Lon nestles the bottle against his crotch and squeezes, squirting Charlie in the face. “Sometimes that happens to me,” the bodybuilder smirks, “I get a little too excited and it comes out early.”

lon4 — Lon strokes his cylinder hard before exploding all over Charlie’s pecs.

The towels comes off to reveal beautiful speedos suctioned to the phenomenal asses of these two seasoned wrestlers. Quickly, playground shoving turns into full contact combat to subdue and take possession of the coveted bottle of lubricant. But despite long resumes of pro wrestling experience, there’s nothing quite like trying to apply a hold to a powerful body slathered in oil. They swarm all over each other, quickly slipping and crashing to the mat, sliding and slithering across each other’s struggling bodies to figure out how secure a hold and, even more difficult, maintain it.

lon2 — Charlie grabs hold of the bodybuilder and shows off that glistening, phenomenal physique.

When Charlie manages to nearly choke his selfish opponent out entirely, he grabs the bottle, strokes it furiously pressed against his crotch and explodes all over his opponent who’s just beginning to clear his head. “Oh yeah, all over your back,” the black hunk groans ecstatically, rubbing the fresh coat of lubricant into Lon’s muscles. But a seasoned heel like Lon is almost never too dazed to know precisely how to suck the momentum out of a rising opponent by delivering a swift, hard strike to his balls.

Lon3 — Oil wrestling requires a whole lot of intimacy!

The balance of power in this battle of the bottle of baby oil teeters back and forth, and both determined hunks unquestionably enjoy the feel of well-lubricated, intimate combat. They steal secret strokes of their own and each other’s glistening muscles. As they both insinuate that the bottle is a proxy for their own ample endowments, it can hardly be described as “innuendo” that coming out on top is on both of their minds. Blown holds sabotaged by too little friction keep the coveted cylinder passed back and forth as every inch of skin and modest fabric is entirely and liberally dripping with oil. But there’s just one shiny, muscled hunk who manages to put his competition out for good in order to stroll from the ring with baby oil in hand, promising to dedicate his abundantly lubricated “big night” to his vanquished foe.

lon5 — Lon two-fists the muscled appendage between his thighs.

Deeply provocative, relentlessly tempting and taunting, lubricated muscles and raging egos make this gorgeous oil wrestling match sensationally sexy. I highly recommend you take a long shower, relax in the sauna a while, and then pull out your own supply of lubricant as you settle in to enjoy this new release from the sizzling hot mind of the most prolific personality in homoerotic wrestler, Cameron Matthews!

lon6 — Excitedly, Charlie tugs at Lon’s oil soaked trunks, giving just a glimpse of those muscled glutes.

Grasping at Straws

November 28, 2014November 28, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

In case you didn’t catch it, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Drake Marcos, crawled out of the shame spiral he’s been in for the past month in order to try to articulate how, after all that taunting and trash talk, he ended up with his trunks stuffed in his mouth and a certain blogger snapping photographic proof of his humiliation in the ring (not that we didn’t already have copious evidence of Drake’s humiliation in the ring). It’s adorkable. I honestly didn’t realize that my infatuation with Mason Brooks’ nipples was what apparently seeded Drake’s antipathy toward me during our 3-way interview nearly a year ago. Seriously, how could I not be infatuated with Mason’s nipples? And it’s not as if I have some finite supply of infatuation and fandom to ration out. I can marvel at Drake’s magnificent suffering as a sensational jobber and, simultaneously, go dizzy with delight at Mason’s hot pecs and total mastery of an outmatched opponent.

We’ve been left in suspense to hear the end (or at least “part 2”) of Drake’s attempt to rationalize away his blogger beat down. Considering it was almost 11 months between his last post and this one, perhaps we shouldn’t hold our collective breaths. And what, honestly, can a stud say to defend himself when he was photographed entirely defenseless and defeated? The end of “part 1” of Drake’s tap dance around the cold hard facts suggests that, as is so often the case with dissociative disorder, he is coping with his shame by glancing sideways at his split-personalitied alternate self. Whatever you need to do to sleep at night, Drake. Whatever you need to do. As we wait, I’ve collected a few choice moments from Drake’s wrestling history to share as evidence that the handsome hunk sells sublime suffering just about the best of anyone I can think of in the business today. I’d suggest the Cheshire Cat simply own it rather than run from what he does so, so well: suffer. Check out Kayden Keller’s Facebook feed for more piling on, pointing out that nobody agonizes helplessly quite as provocatively as Drake Marcos.

drake11 — Jonny Firestorm makes Drake weep as he drags the jobber up by his roots in Custom Combat.

drake9 — Drake wails as Skrapper nearly rips his head off in Wet & Wild 7.

drake4 — LJL rubs Drake’s face in it in X-Fights 38.

drake13 — Ty Alexander gives Drake the best seat in the house in Babyface Brawl X.

drake12 — Mason Brooks treated Drake to the best seat in the house in Passion & Punishment.

drakeout — But I had the best seat in the house (perched atop the turnbuckle at BG East South) about a month ago.

Yes, Sir!

November 26, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

I’ve been way out of commission for a while now, but I see that BG East is already uploading preview pics for their next catalog. So I’m thinking I’d better say what I need to say about #105, because once #106 goes live I’ll be totally infatuated and distracted by the newest shiny thing to catch my eye (and I can already tell that will include Richie Douglas and Ray Naylor). But there are a couple more matches that I simply must commend to your attention, if somehow you’ve managed to miss them.

Kid Karisma doesn’t have to tell Zion Brown twice.

There are several products at BG East that don’t turn into series of their own. I thought Military Muscle was one of those, considering the long absence of rock hard, massively armed forces battling for world domination in a might-makes-right genre (damn, that sounds like a natural for homoerotic wrestling!). But apparently ripped rookie Zion Brown showed up on BG East’s doorstep shortly after completing his tour of duty and struggling to figure out how to capitalize on that stunningly trained physique that military service gave him, and there was nowhere to go but Military Muscle 2. I don’t know what branch of service Zion survived, but he certainly embraced the whole chain-of-command, because when my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler comes in barking like a drill sergeant and spitting out orders, you can see the switch flip in Zion’s head. The stunningly built fighting machine practically falls over himself in a knee jerk impulse to obey a superior officer. Kid Karisma pushes every basic training button, and Zion follows orders with a passion. And speaking of passion, when Kid K orders the stud to remove his superior’s vest, damn it all if Zion isn’t clearly intoxicated by the mass of carved muscle and dominating, domineering attitude demanding to be serviced. The rook leans in close, smelling Kid K’s neck, letting his fingers linger on the gorgeous heel’s tiny, ripped waist and massive, meaty pecs. It’s about time an opponent acknowledged what I’ve been saying for years: Kid Karisma is one stunningly sexy slice of homoerotic wrestling heaven!

Kid Karisma tags and bags rookie Zion long before he every lays a finger on him. The mind games are delightful to witness, taking what Uncle Sam has molded into obedient putty and transforming a magnificently muscled hunk into a sadist’s plaything (which is pretty much my impression of military service in general). If you cannot get rocked by a one-sided squash, steer clear, because this is not a narrative built on suspenseful anticipation of who will end up on top. However, MM2 tells a sweetly, sweaty, provocative story of a physical and mental test of endurance, as earnestly eager Zion struggles to prove that he can take the brutal, intimate demands of competing in the BG East ring. It’s an “I can take everything you can dish out” challenge, and those of us who follow Kid K closely know that this red-headed powerhouse can dish out boatloads. Kid K has convinced him that Zion must prove himself to Kid K, he must demonstrate he’s tough enough, strong enough, and passionate enough to deliver what BG East fans hunger for. It isn’t precisely that Zion doesn’t put up a fight, but the drama here is the internal battle Zion fights to endure the brutal torture that his sneering, muscle clad initiator delivers.

Does Kid Karisma actually possess the actual authority to grant the rookie this rite of passage into the ranks of BG East battlers? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t put it past the Karismatic one to overstate his influence. Then again, this is yet one more in a long, long line of matches in which Kid K sports a direct homage to The Boss himself, this time wearing extremely tantalizing undergear with “Leopard” stitched across the waistband. Is this just another mind game from the ginger heel, or does he actually have Kid Leopard’s papal seal of approval to grant (or refuse) the wishes of a randy young hopeful? As a longstanding Kid K devotee, I’m simply believing what the marble muscle man says, and so does Zion. And, just like me, Zion is hardly unenthusiastic about the straights Kid K places him in. Seriously, there are many rookies who, their first time out of the gates, keep the homoerotic subtext to a low simmer, I’m assuming out of self-consciousness. Even hunks who return to steam up the screen with explicit sexual content often start relatively subdued. If this is subdued for Zion, however, I’m pre-ordering every subsequent release the kid puts out. He cannot keep his hands off of Karisma’s multi-award winning ass, again building incredibly moving empathy between me and the rook. When Kid K grinds his crotch into Zion’s face, doing push-ups over him and slowly swiveling his hips, pressing his package seductively across the rookie’s lips, you can hear nothing but grunts of pleasure from the enthusiastically puckered up newbie. Holy fuck, how these two hunks compliment one another!

kk6 — A work of art: Kid Karisma crushes Zion, body and soul.

Kid Karisma is pretty much every moment of this match an awesome work of art. Physically, he’s unbelievably stunning. I’m officially promoting my appeal for you to vote for Kid K for best body in BG East’s year end polls (due out soon, I’m expecting!), and if you need evidence, put MM2 on slo-mo and watch those gorgeous muscles flex and glisten. Look for an ounce of body fat. I dare you. Study the road map that is Kid K’s incredible vascularity pulsing visibly beneath the surface of his skin, shoved stunningly to the surface by nothing but steel muscles bulging underneath. I think my next campaign is going to be to beg and plead for a Kid K Wrestle Worship release. Watching lucky Zion sneak strokes and squeezes of those gargantuan thighs, glorious glutes, powerful pecs, and peaked biceps is so fucking tantalizing! Can you imagine if this was a more competitive, but no less enthusiastically muscle-worshipping scenario!?

kk5 — Kid Karisma deeply appreciates Zion’s meaty pecs.

My infatuation with Kid Karisma should not discount in any way the absolutely fantastic physique of his trainee, Zion. The proportions on this kid are mind boggling. His upper body is more massive and defined than his legs, but perhaps experiencing the full on Kid K treatment may inspire him to double down on leg days. His torso, however, is like a comic book superhero, incredibly tiny waist, ripped abs, awesome V-back swelling to massive shoulders. Kid K clearly appreciates the rook’s form, but of course he shows it by digging his fingers deep into the kid’s beefy pecs. But again, there’s a genius to Zion that belies his subordination: his groans of agony sound identical to groans of ecstasy. The master’s muscle torture transports Zion to both hell and heaven simultaneously, if I’m reading that look of anguished pleasure on his face right. He holds out forever, sucking down Kid K’s torturous ways, binging on the heel’s psychological brutality, getting absolutely drunk off of his own devastated humiliation. I hope and pray to the homoerotic wrestling gods that we see this incredibly handsome specimen’s offense someday soon, because there’s just so much fucking potential in seeing this hunk’s trajectory from match to match.

Clearly, I’m certainly impressed with Zion Brown. Kid K is none-too-quick to admit it, but even he acknowledges some well-earned respect for the way, way outmatched rookie by the time Kid K is done doing absolutely everything he can think of to crush the will to stay in the ring out of him. And for the record, Zion’s lips enthusiastically visit a whole lot of geography that I believe needs to be much more thoroughly, orally explored in future Kid K wrestling matches, because the insanely sexy body of my reigning favorite needs to receive this type of appreciation from many more opponents. I know for a fact there are BG East wrestlers who would love to deliver exactly that. From the look on the Karismatic one’s face, I feel confident that he’s certainly not opposed. And I can name one particular blogger-fan who is already whipped into a lather just anticipating it.

Potpourri

November 14, 2014 wrestlebard1 Comment

Today I’m tossing together several little odds and ends that all smell so nice. For example, a few weeks ago I was watching Good Morning America and caught this slice of hotness reporting across lines as ABC and Univision are mashing up their news for white people with their new news for Latinos who don’t speak Spanish so well (to be clear, I’m not making fun. I think this makes perfect sense), Fusion.

Pedro Andrade was fully clothed and wearing a sports coat, but holy fuck there was something pristinely erotic and nakedly raw about this hunk’s beautiful brown eyes and those full, luscious lips seductively stretched in a lopsided grin. Thank the homoerotic wrestling gods I live in the age when I can instantly scratch my itch and look up this reporter to see if there are any shirtless shots. Mind you, shirtless pics of mainstream news reporters can often be very rare nuggets of gold that require sifting through google images for days on end (been there. often.). This was, however, not a problem when it comes to ridiculously attractive Pedro.

pedro2 — I believe as unadulterated fact anything this man has to tell me, as long as he’s shirtless.

Apparently his first career was as a model. Or still is. I’m confident that there’s an extensive backstory to how this slice of gold showed up on a national network news team, and I’m fairly certain that someone who reads this blog will fill me in. Whatever “news” is today, it’s populated increasingly by overtly sexy, crotch warming hotties. And I know I speak for many when I say that the rise of the hardbodied Latino news hunk is long overdue and deeply, profoundly arousing. And knowing of my penchant for casting news personalities in homoerotic wrestling fiction, it should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that my mind instantly pictures infinitely fuckable Pedro first going pec to pec against, then tag teaming with, ABC’s resident Latino powerhouse muscle hunk, Gio Benitez. Now that would be a match made in homoerotic wrestling heaven!

pedro3 — Pedro says, “Bring it!” (or however that’s translated into Portuguese).

239fd-gio5 — Gio is fluent in Spanish, but I think wrapping those massive pythons around Pedro’s head should probably speak for itself.

Adding to the sweet aroma of hot wrestling hunks, let me pass along a hot little gem that showed up from one of the sexiest-assed wrestling fairies ever known to man (who shall remain nameless, but not unthanked). Forwarded to me is the link to artist Ben McNutt‘s new installation over at VICE, entitled “Undying Homoeroticism in Wrestling.” The VICE title “Wrestling is Gay” is such flamer bait, but then again, this is art, so begin provoked is almost certainly the point. However, for the likes of you and me, there’s a pace and power to Ben’s juxtaposition of words and images that reaches a hand deep inside my kink-soul and lets the eroticism of wrestling drizzle through his fingers like fine jewels.

Check out the VICE piece as well as the artist’s body of work that appears to have a persistent wrestling them woven through it.

Inexplicably, Drake bristles at being called "a sweet jobber." — Inexplicably, Drake bristles at being called “a sweet jobber.”

Finally to add a little jobber musk to this potpourri, let me quickly respond to a few inquiries I’ve received asking if my account of getting my hands on BG East jobber extraordinaire, Drake Marcos, was a work of fiction or fact. I get it, of course, because I have transparently written wrestling fiction with me as protagonist on the pages of this blog, typically around the New Year each year. And Drake has been entirely silent since sucking on his own sweat soaked trunks at the end of our match. To be clear and forthcoming, particularly in the absence of Drake stepping up and owning how he got owned, let me say unequivocally and declaratively that yes, my ring encounter with Drake Marcos did, indeed happen. My accounting of the highly enjoyable battle was unembellished. And really, after all his bluster and smirks over the past year, do you blame the handsome stud for slinking into a hole for a couple of weeks to nurse his battered ego after a blogger owned him, trussed him up, and left him in a pool of his own copious sweat?

drakestuffit — Yeah, that never gets old.

So suck down the sweet aroma of random homoerotic wrestling thoughts and images and have a provocative, arousing day, my friends.

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