I’m calling the race for Sexiest Nipples. At 9:00 am (EST), the official vote tally propels BG East rookie Chase Addams into a decisive victory as possessing the sexiest nipples in homoerotic wrestling in 2016.
Chase Addams
On the one hand, this has got to be considered an upset. Young Chase appeared in only two matches (on just one DVD, no less) this year. He was up against some pillars of the scene who have long established, massive fan bases. Frankly, I was a little worried that the selection of sexiest nipples was going to blur into a rush to judgment based on biggest pecs, which is a distinctly different category, in my book. But neverland readers decisively picked lovely, lean, lickable Chase and those beautiful half dollars emblazoned on his smooth chest.
Suck on those, losers!
On the other hand, I am happy to report that Chase is also my personal pick for Sexiest Nipples of 2016. I find it refreshing when, on these rare occasions, my tastes and the taste of readers coincide. If you read my interview with the master craftsman of pro wrestling holds, it comes as no surprise to you that I key off on Chase’s gorgeous, pinchable, suckable nipples. They caught my eye from day one. Although his double header debut in Tag Team Torture 19 was outstanding, classic, straightforward pro wrestling for the most part, just the presence of Chase’s radio dials elevated the erotic tension magnificently. Well, Ty wrestling bare assed and Christian and Charlie using Team Vanity’s phones to take dick pics placed TTT19 securely in the homoerotic end of the pool. Nevertheless, I stand by my original position: Chase’s magnetic nipples kept the erotic heat on simmer throughout both of his matches.
The t-shirt says it all
I’m curious to see if this Off Broadway award may be a harbinger of bigger things to come for Charming Chase. I have it on good authority that BG East will be doing another fan poll for year end awards, and I’ve got to imagine that Chase will be a top contender for Best Debut of 2016. Among neverland readers, he’s clearly caught a lot of attention.
Chase the Redeemer
I get a strong sense of Chase being on the cusp of something big. He’s well positioned, at the very least. His social media game is already stronger than 98% of homoerotic wrestlers, and I still say that the future of this industry (and most industries) is in multi-platform marketing. If you haven’t followed him on FB, you’ve been missing out on a growing catalog of pics of Chase showing off his aesthetics, including some provocative shots of his private wrestling resume. Beyond just getting off on Chase’s beauty, however, you can also start to get a sense of the man behind the nipples. His dark sarcasm and icy cold cockiness hint at what very well could be a future headliner. He appears to be both fully embracing of the homoerotic side of wrestling, while consistently demonstrating an achingly earnest and sincere devotion to the science and art of pro wrestling.
I have a strong urge to finger paint
And those fucking nipples! On social media, Chase has enthusiastically endorsed a suggestion from Kayden Keller that a side by side comparison and battle for the belt with nippletastic Mason Brooks is in order. I also have whole heartedly supported the idea, because that much hot, hard, smart, young talent in one wrestling match would be absolutely incendiary.
Chase is poised to make a big impact
Whatever is in store for Chase Addams in 2017, neverland readers and I agree. In 2016, he had the Sexiest Nipples in homoerotic wrestling.
Tis the season for year end retrospectives. I’m delighted to see Alex’s bold calls on his favorites of the year, drawing from across a wide swath of the homoerotic wrestling industry and reflecting some sensational wrestling. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that BG East will again do their Bestie Awards, so that I can obsess further about the highs and lows and gauge where I fall along the distribution of BG East fan tastes. Like the neglect of hot legs, I got to wondering what other categories of objects of my homoerotic wrestling lusts will likely also not be reflected in the mainstream polls and retrospectives. Since this blog is all about me (I keep repeating that because some people seem to keep forgetting it), I’m paying a little more attention to some of the niche categories that attract my attention, even if they don’t seem to be the subject of many/any other best of lists.
Even though this is all about me, I’m happy to have you chime in with your opinions (apart from nasty insults). So feel free to register your votes in these waning, dark days of 2016. I’ll report out the results of the polling, as well as let you know who I pick for top honors, in a few days. Today’s unsung hero category of homoerotic wrestling is Sexiest Nipples.
This category is tough to pin down the specifics, but I most definitely know what I like when I see it. The topic of attractive nipples pops up frequently in my posts, so it’s little wonder that I have opinions about who showed off the hottest nips in wrestling this year. If I have a criteria for judging sexy nipples, I’m sure size, symmetry, and placement are playing a part, but ultimately, it comes down to the nips that make my mouth water. I’ve picked my top 5 for you to vote on, but feel free to write-in a candidate in the comments below, as well as share your criteria for judging sexy nipples.
My slate of nominees for Sexiest Nipples in Homoerotic Wrestling for 2016 are as follows (in alphabetical order):
I think I may have become too serious in the past 41 days or so. Sure, I believe the very fabric of our fundamental social contract as a modern society is unraveling. And, yeah, I have to acknowledge that I’ve been feeling happy not to have children to worry about suffering in the coming new world disorder. But there’ve got to be some reasons to smile these days. As if reading the secret thoughts of my darkest hours, a long-standing, anonymous, yet dependable friend suddenly reached out and dropped a boatload of candid, behind-the-scenes photos smuggled off the sets of BG East, starring some of the most sensationally sexy wrestlers on the planet taking a little off the cuff joy in life.
Happy heels Jonny & Kayden
OMI (Our Man Inside) has long been aware of my pleasure at seeing candid images of the heroes, villains, and whipping boys who star in the homoerotic wrestling fantasies that I enjoy so much. Far too easily, we who are fans can forget that there are actual people behind the made-for-pro wrestling characters and storylines that we tune in for. Too often, we take our prerogatives as consumers too literally. We collapse the people who put in the time to craft their bodies for wrestling sport entertainment into the products they star in. So we too often feel free to critique not just the products, but the people. We act as if it’s our right, from the anonymity of our side of the computer screen, to trash people based on our tastes and preferences in wrestling entertainment, dismissing the people themselves as worthless if we judge their wrestling products or performances to be uninspiring. I delete comments from the pages of this blog when I think they’ve stepped over that line, because that’s not what this blog is about. People can, and do, do that anywhere and everywhere else on the internet. This blog is about celebrating the industry, promoting the best of what I enjoy in homoerotic wrestling, and encouraging producers and wrestlers alike to continue to titillate and innovate for a homoerotic wrestling sensibility.
Charlie, Kayden, Drake, Jonny, Chase and Ty are arm in arm after the matches
So I particularly enjoy these candid shots that give just a glimpse of the men behind the masks (whether literal or figurative). I know that there are some who would likely prefer not to see behind the curtain. I respect that. But these rare glimpses of these hot hunks’ humanity make me love this industry even more.
Brooks bakes
We don’t have to like them all. Fuck, that’s the whole point really. Some of the hottest wrestling happens when hunky characters who I despise lie, cheat, and steal their way into contention in the ring. The rules of polite (straight) society do not apply in the homoerotic wrestling universe in which these magnificent men show up and throw down, putting bodies and egos and sometimes even their asses on the line in these Greek melodramas that we enjoy so passionately. In that world, these men can fly. They can be broken to pieces and pick themselves right back up and battle on with nothing but sheer will stitching them together. In that world, they’re devious and diabolical. They’re naive and gullible. They’re virtuous to a fault and psychologically flawed to perfection. In that world, they may or may not even be aware that we are crushing on them, debating about them, pulling for or rooting against them. They are apart from us, operating by different rules, and the distance can make us imagine that our estimation of them, in this world, also need not abide by conventions of common decency.
Kid Vicious spies something delicious, whether it’s Christian or the cake (or both)
But in this world, they’re guys like you and me. Well, guys who probably work out more, eat better, and, if they’re any good, train to wrestle beyond what 99% of fans ever do. But in my experience, they’re just guys, most of whom are charming and complex, a patchwork of pride and insecurity, just like all of us who are afflicted by this human condition.
Austin & Jonny ham it up
And in these waning days of 2016, I could probably use with more glimpses of genuine humanity. I wish every one of these smiling studs success and good fortune in the coming year. I want them to know that they are appreciated, even beyond being adored by those of us who are fans. When they’ve peeled their bruised and battered bodies off the mats, when the cameras are off and the street clothes are on, when they clock into their day jobs where people don’t even know that they are phenomenally sexy fantasymen with superhuman strength and skill when they strip their hot bodies down to supertight trunks, I hope their lives are filled with happiness. They are beautiful and brave, powerful and provocative. They’re terrifying and titillating, inspiring and inciting. They turn us on and transport us to a world in which our fantasies of gorgeous gladiators locked in erotic combat play out, live action, before our very eyes.
OMI snuck out this tasty tease of as-of-yet unreleased, hardbodied newbies turning up the charm!!!
Wrestlers, when you’ve had your spine snapped in an OTK backbreaker and punched in the testicles until you’re a screaming, writhing mess on the mat, after you’ve gotten us off with your beauty and your might, I hope the world is kind to you in the coming year. Thanks for smiling. ~Bard
I want an invitation to the next slumber party with Kid Leopard, Jonny, and Kid Vicious!Vintage smiles from Ian Nesbitt, Jeff Jordan, Keith Sullivan, Dino Serra, DW and … who’s the tanned beefcake standing at the left?Just KiddingMason Brooks starring in Tom of Finland?Ty shares a smile and a shot of his backsideTy’s got to hand it to Nino “Baby Boy” Leone – that’s a hot ass and an adorable smileNino and Calvin seemed to be happy to join the party in 2016The rare glimpse of the Cheshire Cat NOT smiling!The Boss is happy to hit the town with young muscle in tow
My favorite part of writing this blog for 7 and a half years has been getting to interview some of the sensationally sexy stars of homoerotic wrestling. I’ve had to conduct most of those interviews remotely, so it’s a particularly rare treat when geography and timing line up for me to sit down for a face to face with a wrestler willing to let me toss a barrage of questions his way. Just such a fantastic alignment of circumstances recently occurred, and I sat down with an audio recorder and super lightweight rising pro wrestler Charlie Evans. I’m not sure if the transcript captures just how much fun I had. Charlie had me in stitches, and like Charlie says, what you see is what you get with him. So when he says, “jeepers” or “son-of-a-beeswax,” there isn’t an ounce of irony in his voice. And that makes this “scrawny” ginger phenom massively charming, adorably engaging, and a three-dimensional pro wrestling character in a category all his own.
Bard: Charlie, thanks for agreeing to meet with me and chat on the record. I know a lot of wrestling fans are interested in learning more about you. You mentioned to me earlier that you’re a big fan of indy pro wrestling, even more so than mainstream pro. Who are some of the indy pro wrestlers than you like?
Charlie: So I’ve always been drawn to the size difference matches, big versus little, David versus Goliath. And I’ve always liked the high flyers. Growing up, Rey Mysterio was easily always my favorite. So I’ve always been drawn to the same kinds of wrestlers on the indy scene, like Nate Wings, Ryan Kidd, Zack Sabre, Eli Everfly. Them against the big guys.
Bard: So who are the big guys that you like?
“Son-of-a-beeswax!”
Charlie: Son of a beeswax (laughing, trying to come up with names). Terex, Brian Cage. Anytime you have the big giant guys versus the small, high flyers, that’s what I’ve always been drawn to because I’m a smaller guy, and I always thought that maybe I could take on some of the bigger guys.
Bard: I like it! And you and I have talked about this, that I think that is a cool angle.
Charlie: Before I got into this I always envisioned myself as the glorified jobber type. You know, I like seeing squash matches or whatever, and I figured that’s going to be my role. I never realized how hard wired my personality was. I’m not a pushover, and I do NOT like being humiliated in the ring. I do NOT like getting my ass kicked. I like to fight back with 110% of everything I’ve got, and I did not envision that to be the case before I started.
Bard: I think that’s awesome. I think that makes for good wrestling from a fan’s perspective.
Charlie: Especially since you start off thinking, oh, I’m going to be a jobber. And then snap, almost instantly, no, that’s not going to be me.
Bard: In the moment, I’m getting more into this.
Charlie: Right, it’s like, all right, I’m going to have a fifty-pound weight disadvantage, or a hundred pound disadvantage, and I am going to fight back with every ounce of strength, speed, agility, what have you. I’m not going to fight dirty, because I’m too nice for that. But I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to quit.
Charlie opens up a can of whoop ass on Chase Addams in TTT19
Bard: I think that’s fantastic. So thinking of you in the fight, getting provoked, getting competitive in the moment, I’m picturing your BG East debut in Tag Team Torture 19.
Charlie: First, I’ve got to say, that was one of the best AND funnest matches of my life, and I could not have been happier that that was my BG East debut. That was a kick ass match. I loved that one.
Bard: Nice! So I’m thinking of that opening sequence in that match. It’s both you and Christian Taylor, but you sort of go ballistic in that.
Charlie: Yeah! You know we get some good roll up pins, atomic drops, and I get to debut the Ginger Snap.
Bard: Tell us about the Ginger Snap.
Charlie: Oh, the Ginger Snap. First, you’ve got to brand everything, so that’s my first “patented” move. And that’s running handstand headscissors that flips the guy right across the ring. I kind of use my speed and size and stuff. You know, it can backfire though. I’ve been powerbombed a couple of times doing it.
Bard: I could see that.
Charlie: But you catch them off guard, and booya!
Charlie worked extra hard to make his tag team partner proud
Bard: Nice! Well it looks amazing. It’s very cool to watch. And it’s sort of along those lines of a real small guy who could probably easily be underestimated, who then pulls off something that is really devastating. It’s really cool.
Charlie: Just be on the look out for some other moves, like Ginger Bombs.
Bard: Excellent!
Charlie: Now, you’re going to have to wait to see what those are. You’ve got the Ginger Splash. I’ve been saying I need to go away from the “ginger” aspect.
Bard: I don’t know why. I don’t think you do.
Charlie: Yeah, well, I’ve been overruled on that one. I figured I could at least go with “scarlet” every now and then, but the ginger thing is sticking.
Bard: (laughing) Good! So, a tag team. Does that increase the competitiveness, the “I need to fight more, I need to pull my weight?”
Christian Taylor inspires tag team loyalty
Charlie: Oh gosh, yes. I’m a good guy, so I’ve got to be looking out for my partner. And when you’ve got Christian Taylor in your corner, that certainly helps.
Bard: Absolutely.
Teamwork!
Charlie: He had my back. I had his back, and the opponents didn’t really have their own backs.
Bard: They did not have each other’s backs, which was definitely the tale of that match.
Charlie: Oh, they were a bit of a mess. And you can quote that.
Bard: (laughing) They were a significant mess. I think they, well, at least one of the two of them would probably agree with that.
Charlie: Maybe (sounding doubtful).
Bard: So, over at MDW I haven’t seen all of your MDW releases.
Charlie: Oh my gosh!
Bard: I know, I feel bad about it. I was trying to do my homework beforehand, but I didn’t get to see everything. But my first introduction to you was actually your MDW work as… wait, it’s not the Riddler. What do they call him?
Bard: Riddle Man! Your Riddle Man takedown of Superman in the form of Damien Rush. Which was another example of you maybe picturing yourself as ending up a jobber in this business, and then your opening match…
Charlie: … I not only get to kick some ass, but I get my heel side on.
Bard: Yes! Was that fun?
Charlie: Yeah, I mean, when you get to portray someone like the Riddle Man, you kind of get to tap into your darker side a little bit. A side you might not be aware exists. But, yeah, anytime you can get Damien Rush’s ass…
Bard: Yes. It’s a nice ass to kick.
Charlie: It is.
Bard: And you spend a little bit of time paying attention to his ass in that match. Which I admire immensely.
Squeeze that super ass!
Charlie: Oh? I was not aware.
Bard: No? You spend, well, Riddle Man spends pretty extensive time going back and forth between trying to decide in the long run which is the best angle to go at him, from the front side or the back.
Charlie: That is right. He gave me a lot to work with.
Bard: (laughing) He does!
Charlie: Yes, both front and back. I had to give equal attention to both.
Bard: Yes, super sexy match, and again, I’m a big fan of Damien’s ass, so you gave it some hands on treatment there.
All hands on deck
Charlie: Yeah. What can I say? The Riddle Man really, really wanted to work that ass, in-between bashing some balls.
Bard: Absolutely. Anyway, fantastic to watch, very pleasing.
Charlie: And as a chatterbox, Riddle Man, he’s also a bit of a chatterbox. He had to be working with both riddles and puns on the fly. So I don’t think I stopped talking once during that entire match.
Bard: (laughing) And is that true to you?
Charlie: That’s true to me, though I’m not usually so mean! To all of the sudden on the fly realize that you have to fill up 20, 25 minutes of riddles and puns, yeah, it’s a challenge that I hope I rose to.
Bard: I think you did fantastic with it. I was recently having conversations with a couple other people about how much dialogue is too much, that kind of thing, and I’m pretty much always big on clever, on-point dialogue being a huge asset to a match. Not just sort of blabbing for blabbing’s sake, by any means.
Charlie: Well, you can’t be the Riddle Man without asking a few questions, including questions that don’t have any answers, but that give you a fantastic excuse to lay on some punishment for “wrong” answers.
Bard: Absolutely. Very good. So, most recently what I wrote a review about your most recent MDW appearance, which you did get a chance to see this review, as I remember, correct?
Charlie: I loved it.
Bard: Nice!
Charlie: I love them all. They’re always fantastic to read.
Bard: I’m incredibly honored to hear you say that. So as you probably read then, I’m a long time fan of Steel Muscle God, and I thought when MDW got him on this side of the pond, that that was a huge coup. And while I’ve enjoyed watching him, I still say he’s a little wooden, he’s not really like a natural wrestler, it doesn’t seem to me. But he’s got such attitude all of the time, that he makes it incredibly engaging.
Charlie: And he’s got those steel muscles that kind of make up the difference.
Bard: Exactly. So then, most recently, you come strolling out and find him in the ring at MDW, and get to spend about 20, 25 minutes with him. And I feel like I needed to say this isn’t exactly a wrestling match, but an incredibly compelling 20 to 25 minutes. How was it for you?
Charlie: Well, first it’s a little bit like a blur.
Bard: (laughing) Fair enough.
Charlie: What can somebody say when you take on Steel Muscle God? You are probably going to get your ass kicked. You’re a little bit in awe of the size and definition.
Bard: And you mention at the beginning, when he catches you…
“Cleaning the ring”
Charlie: I was cleaning the ring.
Bard: (laughing) Yes, you’re cleaning the ring, coincidentally with his sweaty shirt stuffed in your face.
Charlie: You know, he left it there lying on the ropes and I was just trying to be a good fellow wrestler…
Bard: (laughing) I saw that. I saw that. But you mentioned at the time, as you’re explaining why you’re there, you mention that you’re a fan. Had you been a fan? Are you familiar with his stuff?
Charlie: Oh, yeah! I was a fan of Steel Muscle God. Anybody who’s seen his work is probably also a fan.
Bard: He’s got a lot of fans.
Charlie: It doesn’t take much to become a fan of Steel Muscle God. So yeah, it was surprising, seeing him in the ring. So I did what any fan would probably do in that situation.
Bard: Right. Grab his shirt. And smell it.
Charlie: Yeah, and then maybe try to get out of there before he gets his hands on you, yeah.
Bard: (laughing) Fair enough. So along those lines, I was struck by the five senses of that match, because it starts with you getting caught smelling the shirt. Tell me about smelling the shirt.
Charlie: Oh, boy. It was definitely all Steel Muscle God.
Bard: He said he was recently back from the gym.
Charlie: Yeah, I could tell.
Bard: Good stuff?
Charlie: Oh yeah, great!
Bard: So let’s keep going. I have to say, I’m always a little enthralled with his accent. So the sound of this match…
Charlie: His grammar structure is always a lot of fun.
Bard: I love his English. It’s like, there’s never anything technically wrong. It just isn’t the way that I’d expect to hear someone say it. But he’s fluent, so it’s very cool. So, as a fan, is there anything sound-wise that struck you from that time you spent with him?
When Steel Muscle God speaks, people listen.
Charlie: Well, he’s very commanding.
Bard: He is!
Charlie: He tells you to do something, and you kind of have a hard time resisting doing it.
Bard: I got that impression.
Charlie: And if you don’t listen, he’s got the size and the muscles to make you listen.
Bard: Absolutely. And speaking of the size and the muscle, you got some up close time spent with those muscles. So let’s talk about the tactile nature of what turns into a muscle worship session. Anything that you can share?
“You can understand why this person gets his way.”
Charlie: The first time I felt the muscles and the strength I was outside the ropes and he grabbed me and literally just chucked me into the ring. It’s almost as though throwing 125 pounds is just no big deal for Steel Muscle God. Who woulda thought? And then from that point on, I resisted at first, but he kind of just pounded through it. And then when you’re actually feeling those muscles, you can understand why this person gets his way. He is a VERY solid individual.
Bard: He looks it!
Charlie: He’s got a well earned name. It felt hard as steel. Biceps all the way down to the legs. There was no give or take in the muscle. He is one of the hardest individuals I’ve ever met, and no pun or innuendo intended.
Bard: Understood. Along those lines, as much as I was impressed with him as always, I have to say I was really fascinated and giving you tons of credit for using almost every opportunity to get another feel of another angle on him.
Charlie: Well, he brought me in there, so at that point, all bets are off.
Bard: True enough. And he wasn’t exactly hating it along the way, clearly. I was really pleased with how he was getting into the pleasure of being worshipped.
Charlie: I think he may have smacked me around when I resisted a little.
“Ooooooooo!”
Bard: This is true. But even when he snaps you up in a bearhug early on and you’re sort of resisting and pushing back, and I’m thinking I’m not reading into it, that you’re enjoying the feel of his pecs in your hands. Would that be fair to say?
Charlie: Uh, they were pretty good pecs (laughing).
Bard: (laughing) And then, my favorite moments from the match have to be you in those standing headscissors. In which case your hands aren’t stopping moving the entire time, up and down his legs.
Charlie: And funny thing is, if he told me to do that, I probably didn’t hear, because my head was being crushed between those steel thighs.
Bard: It looked like it!
Charlie: So that was all me getting touchy feely.
It helps to be bendy.
Bard: I was a little worried about your neck in the face-to-crotch, the upside down standing headscissors. I was thinking, that can’t be comfortable, and he had you hanging there for quite a while.
Charlie: Well, I’m very bendy.
Bard: Which would come in handy.
Charlie: It definitely helps. But it was like being in a steel vise.
Bard: So we’ve done smell, sound, touch. Now, I didn’t know, but my sense was that there are several moments when he’s shoving your face into his muscles, biceps, chest, lots of that. And I don’t have a great camera angle on it, because, trust me, I was pausing, reversing, pausing reversing, that kind of thing, but my sense was that you might have gotten a little bit of a taste. Can you say anything about that? What does Steel Muscle God taste like?
Charlie: Oh, boy, yeah, my face was shoved pretty much all over.
Bard: It was!
Charlie: You know, I’m probably going to let the viewers’ imagination run with that.
Bard: Oh, no! Denied!
Different tastes
Charlie: (laughing) Sorry. You know, he might have different tastes for every part of his body, is all I’ll say.
Bard: Oh!? That’s a little provocative. All right, I’ll take it. And then finally the sight. He is just a pretty, pretty man. And like I said, you pretty much had a close up on every single angle of him. Anything you can say about the sight of him? What it is to take in the sight of him that close?
Charlie: Well, first, one of my biggest advantages that I think I bring to the table in a match, is that I make anybody look pretty damn good next to me.
Bard: (laughing) Really!?
Charlie: Yeah, his size, his muscles, I’m guessing everything looked even more impressive next to little me.
Bard: Huh.
Charlie: And then up close and personal, he’s not somebody you’d want to pick a fight with in a bar or on a wrestling mat or pretty much anywhere, because you’re probably going to get your ass kicked. And up close and personal, that’s just an inescapable fact.
Nailed it.
Bard: I hear that. So, in that last face-to-crotch, the bendy-required move near the end there, I was just trying to picture as I was reviewing that for the blog, and I was thinking you’re looking up. Your head is between his thighs. Great position. So his crotch is right in your face. He’s got sensational abs, big, round, hard pecs, and he was staring down at you, insisting that you look up at him. What was that sight like?
Charlie: Well you pretty much just nailed it.
Bard: (laughing) I’ve placed myself sufficiently in the moment?
Charlie: Yeah, you pretty much nailed it. It’s just one, two, three, four. You’ve got that package, right above your face, pretty much eclipsing everything else. But then you see the outline of that six-pack, or eight-pack, or whatever you want to call it. And those big, giant, mountainous pecs, and then that cocky, very alpha look, staring down at you just pretty much making eye contact and telling you, “you want to look everywhere else, but you look at me right now.”
Bard: Like I said, I thought that was very compelling, and since you said you read the blog post, you kno what I had noticed that he’s looking for your friends to join you next time. And I just wanted to clarify that I’m willing for us to be considered friends, just so you know.
Charlie: (laughing) I have lots of buddies who got very, very jealous, and would love to meet Steel Muscle God, but I will absolutely put you at the front of the line.
Bard: Nice! I appreciate that! Good, well then maybe this interview will see the light of day.
Charlie: (laughing) There’s got to be blogger perks.
Bard: I’ve been doing it for, what has it been, six, seven years? Eight years now?
Charlie: I think you’re due.
Bard: I’m due for some blogger perks!
Charlie: You’ve put in your time. I think it’s time.
Bard: (laughing) That is so funny. I appreciate that! You mentioned you making opponents look good. What do you mean by that?
Charlie: I want to carve out a niche. Every roster needs a little guy. And I want that spot. I want to be the go-to little guy in any roster I’m on.
Bard: I think that’s fantastic, and I agree. I like that, the sense of there being something particularly engaging about a size differential, you looking uphill, and then battling uphill. I think that’s very cool. I’m interested in the idea, though, that you make someone else look good. Do you not like the way you look? Do you think guys are just looking at your opponent and thinking “that guy’s hot,” because he’s in the ring with you?
Charlie: I think you’ll find a lot of wrestlers have body image issues.
Bard: I’ve gotten that impression, sure.
Charlie: Personally, you will never find me raving about the way I look. It’s one of those things where anyone who looks in the mirror is going to see flaws in themselves. You have to have enough self-awareness to take a step back and go, even if you might not care for your own personal appearance, other people might. And now that I’ve been out there on the scene for a little while now, the feedback has been fantastic, and for a kid like me, it definitely makes it easier to keep putting yourself out there when you might not have the highest opinion of your look, but you seem to be picking up fans left and right.
Bard: Yeah! Good.
Charlie: But like I said, I’m perfectly content to be the little guy. I don’t want to become some jacked muscle beast. That is horrifying to me. In fact I keep trying to lose a little bit of weight here and there, and everyone is telling me I’ve got to put on 5 or 10 pounds. But I personally think you’ve got to play up the size difference. That’s my one big advantage. You stick me next to a middle weight, and they look like a heavyweight. You stick me next to a heavy weight, and they look like Godzilla.
Bard: Right. And like I said I think there’s a ton of potential in those differentials. There’s a ton of cool potential on the side of a middle weight who can hoist you up over their head, when they can’t necessarily do that with most opponents.
Charlie: Absolutely. Let’s just say a lot of wrestlers don’t necessarily break a sweat when they’re tossing me around. And now one of my go to functions sometimes behind the scenes, I’m pretty much a living, breathing wrestling practice dummy for some of the guys. If we have to be planning matches, some logistics, you don’t necessarily want to tire the wrestlers out. So, let’s send in Charlie. You aren’t going to tire anyone out. They can practice some suplexes, powerbombs, gorilla presses. Make it look good, and then they can kick ass for somebody a little bigger. I’ve got lots of talents and uses in this business.
Bard: (laughing) Very cool! I’m not going to let you go on your body quite yet though. What kind of feedback do you get? Have you got fan feedback? Do fans of Charlie Evans reach out and tell you, “I like what you did?”
Charlie: Yeah, and I don’t always know how to respond. I have a very hard time seeing it. I never even liked my red hair growing up, but now I kind of love being a ginger.
Bard: Oh, wow! Of course, I bet you get feedback on that.
Charlie: Yeah, I’m kind of like a unicorn on the wrestling scene. There’s not a lot of small, twink-like gingers running around. So I’ve got the little guy space carved out, and now I’m trying to make inroads and claim my top ginger status. I know there’s another contender by the name of…
Bard: …Kid Karisma. Yes, I love that you’ve got your eye on the top ginger title. And I will agree with you from your summer match with Blaine that regardless of how that match turned out, I don’t think he made inroads into legitimately claiming top ginger status.
Who is the gingeriest of them all?
Charlie: Not even close. But Kid Karisma, though, he’s got a shot.
Charlie thinks Kid Karisma “has a shot”
Bard: (laughing) A shot? Yes, he does!
Charlie: And there might be enough space for the big giant muscle bodybuilder Kid Karisma and little old me over here.
Bard: I would hope that you don’t always stay on opposite sides there.
Charlie: Oh?
Bard: I would love to see that match up. Have you ever thought about a ginger-on-ginger Kid Karisma match?
Charlie: What about a tag team?
Bard: Ahh! Fantastic! See!? My gosh, the ginger moves… you couldn’t stop naming ginger moves.
Charlie: The Ginger Express. We’d just be kicking ass!
Bard: I think that would be golden!
Charlie: I think it’s time for the gingers to rise up, you know?
Bard: Yes. Yes. So fans like the ginger.
Charlie: Oh, they love it apparently.
Bard: Fans like the lean, small guy thing.
Charlie: I call myself scrawny, but they think I’m more lean.
Bard: Anything else fans rave about?
Charlie: Apparently I come across as very earnest in the ring. I wear a lot of expression on my face.
Charlie: I’ve got this kind of wide-eyed thing, I either wear a smile or I’m screaming in pain. And apparently, they do like how expressive I can be.
Bard: Absolutely. I’ve referred to that as presence. When wrestlers are present in the moment, and I get the impression they’re not thinking about something else, they’re actually experiencing this moment.
Charlie: I have a laser focus in my matches, on my opponent and what is coming at me.
Bard: I can see that.
Charlie: You know, what you see when I’m in a match, that’s me. That’s just 100% Charlie. There’s no filters or anything.
Bard: That’s how you come across. How many of your fans have mentioned your ass?
Charlie: (laughing, turning red) Ohhhhhh.
I’m not the only one who’s a fan of Charlie’s ass
Bard: I’m not the only one. No chance.
Charlie: Well, you know, this is an uncomfortable topic, because I know a fellow wrestler who has a very high opinion of his ass.
Bard: Uh-huh?
Charlie: And he doesn’t like competition.
Bard: I think I know what wrestler you’re referring to (laughing).
Charlie: And so when I’m getting complimented on mine, someone is feeling a little threatened.
Bard: I could see that. I would have thought that whole thing might have already been put to rest by the match record thus far, but no?
Charlie: He might not take win-loss records as an accurate commentary on his ass.
Bard: Fair enough.
Charlie: Honestly, I never had too much of an opinion about my ass.
Bard: Interesting!
Charlie: Yeah, but fans do seem to like it. So, you know what, I’m going to throw myself into contention for best ass. For the fans.
Bard: As one of those fans, I think that’s fantastic. I’m whole-heartedly in support of that. I think there are lots of fine qualities to different types of asses, and I think you definitely should own that, that you’ve got an ass that attracts attention.
Charlie: I will say, I don’t know for what reason, but a lot of wrestlers in the ring tend to like giving me massive wedgies. Or spanking my ass. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed that.
Lining up to get their hands on that ass
Bard: And for that, your fans are thrilled.
Charlie: I mean, my entire ass is on display. And that is not how I go into the matches, but boy, it is happening more and more frequently.
Is Ty feeling threatened?
Bard: I’m going to watch for that because I think that is something to watch for! So, how do you describe your wrestling style?
Charlie: I would like to think I’ve got speed and agility to my advantage. One of the other things though is my pain tolerance is through the roof. I am tougher than just about anybody my size. I have taken some insane beatings, from some of the biggest guys on the scene and you’ll never hear me complain or whine about any of the bumps or bruises or welts that I walk away with, and there’s been TONS of those! So my stamina, my endurance, my toughness in the ring are definitely some of my biggest advantages. And I’m trying to ramp up my high flying abilities.
Bard: Nice!
Charlie: Yeah, so in the future look for more hurricanas, flying headscissors, splashes. I want to be someone who jumps on the ropes and jumps all over the place and catches everyone off guard.
Bard: Fantastic.
Charlie: Literally throw my entire HUGE body weight at my opponent and catch them off guard. Or maybe they’ll just catch me. Who knows?
Bard: I will definitely look forward to that. And in underground wrestling circles, that’s definitely a rare breed, so I think that’s definitely awesome for you to have your eye on that.
All wrapped up
Charlie: I like to use a lot of submission moves that use my weight to my advantage. Like I already said, I’m pretty bendy, so I can literally wrap myself around an opponent, and they have to support my entire bodyweight as I’m cranking on their arms, their necks, their legs what have you, so it’s kind of the double edged sword.
Bard: Very good! Any wrestlers that you haven’t wrestled yet that you would enjoy, that would be on your list of “that would be a fun match?”
Charlie: Anybody on the online wrestling scene?
Bard: Yeah.
Charlie: I’d love an official match against Jonny Firestorm. He’s kicked my ass a few times behind the scenes. He’d be a phenomenal opponent. He’s a master of submission moves and he definitely knows how to throw out a beating. But maybe there’s a slim chance I could catch him off guard.
Bard: Nice!
Charlie: I would love to test my mettle against somebody like Brute Baynard or Guido.
Bard: You’re a brave, brave man.
Charlie: Maybe even a two-on-one match.
Bard: (laughing) Wow!
Charlie: I mean, with strictly enforced tag team rules, I’m not going to put myself too far out there and say I could take them both on at the same time, but maybe, that may be another match that I wouldn’t mind.
Bard: I think that’s fantastic, particularly since we’ve just seen Jonny and Brute and Guido in a 3-way match that for the most part ends up being a 2-on-1 that then goes into a melee. And Jonny got pretty much bulldozed, I have to say.
Charlie: Sure, and those two guys could pick me up and toss me back and forth like a bag of potatoes.
Bard: But you’d enjoy it?
Charlie: It would be fun.
Bard: That says a lot. I think we’re getting to know Charlie Evans.
Charlie: I think people underestimate Charlie Evans. So. Any other wrestlers that I would love to take on… You’ve got Kayden Keller. A little bit of a force of nature.
Bard: And another big guy.
Charlie: Yeah. I have a tendency to want to challenge myself against the best. Oh, and any time a certain Ty Alexander wants to try to take me on in a singles match, I’m game and maybe we can put other questions to rest.
Bard: I think between the outcome of your tag team match this summer, and between the potential that Ty could possibly even be said wrestler who we were referring to earlier as someone who really prefers to hold the best ass accolades all to himself, I think that could be a sensational grudge match.
Charlie: I will neither confirm nor deny that he was who I was referring to.
Bard: (laughing) Excellent.
Charlie: I’ve actually got a long list of guys, because I’m going to be around for a while, and I’m going to want to take on everybody. But another person is Drake.
Charlie: Your buddy Drake. Generally I like to pick a fight with the big guys. But Drake’s been around, and he’s shown his chops. I’m a little threatened that maybe he could take a beating maybe almost as well as me. So I would kind of like to throw myself at him and see what the outcome might be.
Bard: Well, from first hand experience, let me just say he can definitely suffer. He suffers like a champ, in fact. And, because I feel for the guy, you know… take it easy on him.
Charlie: Oh? (laughing) I’ll keep that in mind.
Bard: (laughing) Good.
Charlie: We’ve already talked about Kid Karisma. So I’m just kind of going through the whole Rolodex of wrestlers, you know.
Bard: So who would Riddle Man like to size up in the ring based on their ass? Because we know Riddle Man is into that.
Charlie: Really? He wasn’t more of a ball person?
Bard: (laughing) He was back and forth. And I do think in the end he went for the balls as the primary target, but based on my own interest in Damien’s ass…
Charlie: All right, who would Riddle Man want to take on? Well, first, Bat Stud. Come on, now. That has to happen.
Bard: Yes. That and your muscle worship release recently, I would just have those on back to back, back to back constantly.
Charlie: Now I’m trying to think if I could cross the fed. I will say this, I’m a big comic book fan and into company crossovers. So, I think there would be a lot of potential for there to be inter-federation fights and challenges, and let’s leave it at that.
Bard: That’s fair. You have been wresting for a while, but you’re fairly new. Your first MDW match has been out just about a year. And then the 2 matches from BG East this summer. So fans are still getting to know Charlie Evans. So anything else about Charlie Evans, not just as the wrestler, but what would fans want to know about Charlie the human?
Do NOT apologize for that!
Charlie: I know wrestlers aren’t supposed to talk about how nice they are. We’re supposed to project a very tough, take no prisoners visage. But I am one of the happiest go lucky people you’ll ever meet. You’re not going to see me doing a lot of cheap shots. Maybe in desperation, but if I did, I’d feel really, really bad about it. I’m somebody who, if I lay out my opponent, I kind of have to fight the urge to offer him a hand back up before the match is even done. That’s something I’m working on.
Bard: (laughing) I think you’ll need to work on that. A pro wrestler who feels guilty along the way seems like a formula for disaster.
Charlie: How can I not feel bad when I’m kicking someone’s ass who’s 50 pounds bigger than me, and they’re taking a beating from the little guy. You know, you’ve got to feel bad.
Bard: I’m not sure “bad” is how I’m feeling when I’m watching you do it, I have to say. But whatever intra-psychic thing you’re dealing with in the moment, I guess I have to honor that what’s coming out on screen is pretty damn entertaining.
Charlie: Another thing, I will always push myself to get better. I would like to show my fans and fellow wrestlers that every single year you can see improvement. New repertoire of moves. Better physical fighting condition. Hopefully an even more impressive win record, although I’m doing pretty okay for my size as a newbie right now.
Bard: Absolutely!
Today’s grunt work for tomorrow’s marquee dreams
Charlie: And I’m in this for the long haul. So hopefully the fans are okay with that, because I’m kind of hoping to stick around for as long as I can.
Bard: When we start to see more of those wedgies happening, I think fans are going to be just fine with that, just so you know. And I appreciate you taking the time to let me pepper you with questions and get into a little psychoanalysis here and there and get to know you a little bit better.
Charlie: Well, how could I ever, ever not help out one of my favorite bloggers?
Bard: You’re too kind. And I’ll believe it when I get the invitation to be one of your friends when SMG is in town next.
Charlie: You keep writing amazing reviews, and I will make that happen.
“You gave up twice!” Chase Addams shouts accusingly.
“You got knocked out of the ring!” Ty Alexander shouts back defensively. “It was 2-on-1. What was I supposed to do?”
Feelings are hard between recently divorced tag team partners
The sequel to the opening match of BG East’s Tag Team Torture 19 is anomalous. On the one hand, I think it’s a risky move putting a singles match on a tag team compilation. A tag team wrestling fan is probably writing a scathing Yelp review somewhere right at this very moment. On the other hand, what BG East may have sacrificed by straying from the genre, they make up for by their commitment to the integrity of the narrative. The action picks up the following morning after Chase and Ty have gone down in a flaming pile of brutal humiliation to the All-American babyfaces Christian Taylor and Charlie Evans.
“Do you see what you did!?” Ty demands. “Ooo, that does look awful,” Chase replies unsympathetically.
Team Vanity was tragically short-lived. Like so many forces of nature that run hot and bright, they burned out spectacularly, felled by the athleticism and patience of the All-Americans (and their own raging egos). I was disappointed to hear Ty and Chase report that Team Vanity was done for good. Not surprised, but disappointed. After watching the nasty grudge play out in their TTT19 part 2 showdown, its hard to imagine how they’d ever be able to bury the hatchet. Unless it’s buried in each other’s back.
Partners turned opponents
There are several active ingredients to this tag team reckoning. Both Ty and Chase are nursing bruises that were inadvertently delivered by each other in their battle with the All-Americans. Ty points out the swollen welt on his face credited to an errant blow from his newbie ex-partner. Chase bitterly notes his busted lip, split open by a misfired elbow drop from Ty. The All-Americans had them chasing their own tantalizing tails at several points in the tag team conflagration, using their own impetuousness against them to set up the ultimate and complete destruction of Team Vanity.
Ty lands a cracking slap on the rookie’s pale pecs
In addition to the bitterness of getting pounded by one’s own tag team partner, swollen, delicate egos give nice momentum to start off the singles sequel. “I was carrying the whole team the entire time!,” newbie Chase disavows all responsibility for their humiliating defeat. Ty is momentarily, uncharacteristically speechless in the face of the rookie’s audacious accusation. Finally, the Trophy Boy delivers the pointed retort that was inevitable. He lands a cracking smack across Chase’s handsome face so hard that the rookie spins like a top.
Great minds think alike
The third active ingredient to this match is a raging, aggressively intense furor to outwrestle one another in order to demonstrate the previous point, namely who carried whom in the doomed tag team outing. Here’s where the wrestling gets interesting, as far as I’m concerned. To start with, the shattered pieces of Team Vanity are perfectly evenly matched. Ty delivers a cracking slap to the newbie’s baby smooth chest. Chase bullies the veteran into the ropes and smacks down an answering slap to the Trophy’s Boy’s bronzed pecs. There’s an extended scramble, momentum crashing and back and forth like waves on the shore, until abruptly Chase wraps his thighs around Ty’s head in deep, tight scissors. Seconds later, Ty manages to catch the newbie’s head between his legs, and the two of them crank on each other with a vengeance in 69 headscissors. Synchronized and bearing down in matching holds, both boys start to whimper. Abruptly, they both hit the wall at the same time. They both submit simultaneously, leading to an immediate argument as to who submitted first.
“I’m fucking Ty-rrific!”
I love the idea of tag team partners who are each other’s toughest opponents precisely because they know each other so well. It takes me back to this blog’s banner fantasy man, Tommy Zenk, facing down Flyin’ Brian Pillman after their tag team came crushing to the ground under the weight of Pillman’s heel ambitions. It’s a stretch to pull off this narrative with a newbie debut. You have to believe that Team Vanity has been working behind the scenes, practicing and preparing for their one and only pairing, and thus learning each other’s strengths and weaknesses, starting to resemble each other in style and form like an old married couple. The way that go at each other like cats and dogs, though, I buy it.
“Newsflash!”
Like the tide itself, although there are ebbs and flows, the match slowly progresses one direction. The tasty newbie is on a roll, impassioned by a self-righteous mission to scrape Ty off the bottom of his shoe. When the Trophy Boy telegraphs one too many splashes into the newbie’s body hanging in a corner, Chase abruptly puts and end to that with a nasty boot to the chest. Charming Chase puts on Ty’s vest and mocks his moments-ago-partner. “Oh, look at me,” Chase singsongs with contempt, “I’m Ty, and I’m walking around with my ass exposed because I think my ass is the best thing that’s ever happened.”Chase jabs a finger in Ty’s bruised face. “Newsflash!” the rookie snarls in his own voice now. “It’s NOT!”
The rookie knows how to use the ring.
I love the bitter rookie out to make a name for himself by crushing his former mentor. He’s relentlessly vicious, making Ty bend near the breaking point in the face of his fury. With Ty’s throat perched across the middle rope, Chase sits on Ty’s back, pinching off his windpipe sadistically. The potential brilliance of the punishing rookie is his dissatisfaction with good-enough. With studied precision, he slides through the ropes and ends up hanging upside down by his ankles wrapped around the back of Ty’s head. With the Trophy Boy suddenly seriously getting choked out, Chase locks hold of Ty’s right arm with an armbar, letting gravity and the ropes fuck up his former partner 5 different ways.
Ty drives home some upperclassman lessons
From the moment I saw Ty debut two or so years ago, I’ve been commenting on the Trophy Boy’s deceptively expert ring skills. His shenanigans and ego have been increasingly getting in his way of chalking up match victories, but any opponent who underestimates Ty’s capacity to drop a bucketload of hurt does so at his own peril. His boot to Chase’s rookie balls makes the newbie scream. That sets up Ty’s gloating, taunting figure-4 leglock, cranking the shit out of the tendons and ligaments in Chase’s tortured right knee. When Ty hangs his partner in a tree of woe, he goes back to work driving his entire bodyweight down onto the crushed testicles of the wailing, wounded animal hung up in this trap. Ty gets treated like a joke a lot in the fan-o-sphere. People perpetually remember only his narcissism and lapses in judgment (and his ass). Once again in this break-up match, he demonstrates that whatever else he may be, he’s a pro wrestler with a whole lot of punishment to dole out.
The new kid already knows a thing or two
But as is so often the case, Ty falls prey to his defenselessness in the face of his own image. Just when he owns the rookie, lock, stock and barrel, Ty whips out his mobile phone to photo document his moment of glory. So enthralled he is with his reflected image staring back at him, he doesn’t notice Chase slipping free from the tree of woe and abruptly crushing the Trophy Boy’s balls into the ring post.
“ESPECIALLY THE FACE!!!”
A lot of newbies wouldn’t necessarily know how to exploit a moment like this, but Chase sinks his claws in deep and never lets go. From the ring apron, he leaps over the top rope and pounds a double boot stomp into the small of his opponent’s back with authority. It’s Ty’s turn to get hung out to dry in a tree of woe. As Chase starts grinding his boot, Ty screams, “Not the face! NOT THE FACE!” And right here is where Chase grabs me by the balls, shouting right back, “ESPECIALLY THE FACE!!!”
The handsome rookie has the last word
The finisher to this match is breathtaking. Chase clearly favors a punishing armbar throughout the match, and he grabs yet one more, bending Ty forward. Suddenly, the rookie lifts his left foot, pressing it into his opponent’s jaw. He drops to his back, pulling on the armbar, until Ty’s face comes crashing down helplessly into the sole of Chase’s boot. Out. Fucking. Cold. And I buy it. In fact, I feel like I ought to fire up a Kickstarter campaign for Ty’s dental work, because holy hell, that finisher looks like he surely had to lose a mouthful of teeth.
Never get enough of that ass getting spanked!
So again I say, when Ty and Chase assured me that there was not going to be a reunion tour for Team Vanity anytime soon (as in, anytime), it was a disappointment, but not a surprise. I have to admit I get a lot of satisfaction watching a fresh out of the box rookie quite literally spank Ty’s all-over-tanned ass. As a well-documented fan of the Trophy Boy, please understand, I love his work. But I also love that his work continues to feature that overgrown ego getting smacked down with authority again and again.
Ty’s muscles, like his ego, just keep growing.
And regular readers know that I especially love a remarkable debut, and Chase Addams’ (unprecedented?) two-fer to introduce himself to BG East fans is delightful. He has long, lean lines and a smart mouth that I think could make him a big time player. I’m anxiously looking forward to what (who) is next up for the budding rookie badass.
Perusing the list of June new releases in homoerotic wrestling, I was seriously torn as to who I wanted to pick for homoerotic wrestler of the month. Honestly, I was agonizing about this choice way, way more than a totally subjective, ultimately meaningless recognition like this deserves. I was charmed and turned on by so many wrestling hunks in June. There were so many former HWOTM title holders in the mix, it was guaranteed to be a tough call. But then, finally, a comment on this blog brought it all into focus for me. Someone complained that, in his opinion, I focus far too much on twinks. In fact, if I keep focusing so much on twinks, this commentator warned that he may have to stop reading neverland. Twinks, twinks, twinks, just too many twinks. And then my choice for homoerotic wrestler of the month came into crystal clear focus. My homoerotic wrestler of the month for June 2016 is…
As I’ve mentioned several times, these 4 gorgeous wrestlers put together a sensational tag team drama in BG East’s Tag Team Torture 19 that simultaneously tickled my funny bone and turned me on. They successfully construct a compelling drama rife with extravagant attitude and sweet suspense. I doubt that any of these 4 handsome studs were born when I was watching the loud, larger than life, character-driven pro wrestling of indy pro wrestling in the 1980s. Yet, somehow their tag team showdown grabbed precisely that nostalgia and wedded it seamlessly with 2016 sensibilities and technology. While my choice may irk each and every one of these fine specimens (it is hard to imagine Ty Alexander “sharing” anything at all, isn’t it?), I honestly couldn’t isolate any one performance in TTT19 as the pivotal, standout contribution to this pivotal, standout ensemble. Only twicebefore have I named more than one hunk as HWOTM, and never have I named as many as 4 co-title winners. But I’m feeling really, really good about this decision. So if you’re tired of me getting off on adorable, lean, lithe, lickably sweet twinks, pucker up and kiss my ass, because I’m lauding 4 of them.
Charlie suffers like a champ
One of the two newbies in the quartet of HWOTM winners, ginger house-on-fire Charlie Evans earned his spot on the dais based on several factors. First, his opening handstand headscissors snap mare is a work of art. It’s acrobatic and extravagant and incredibly confident. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before in a homoerotic wrestling match, and I’m crazy hot for a newbie who pulls off high quality, high impact innovation right out of the gate. And then when Charlie weathers a boatload of double-team brutality from Team Vanity, my admiration and crush on crushable Charlie steadily grows.
Twinktastic!
Frankly, I don’t really think of any of the other 3 winners this month as twinks, but Charlie? Of fuck, yes, I’d consider him an incredibly tasty twink morsel, and, clearly, I’m an unapologetic fan of Charlie’s smooth, lean body. Charlie embodies something delicately vulnerable, so lightweight that his opponents repeatedly manhandle him like a sack of potatoes. At 130 pounds, he simply doesn’t have the mass and thickness that most wrestlers use for leverage in the ring. But then again, Charlie appears made out of kevlar. Blow after blow, potentially crippling hold after hold, body slam after body slam, the ginger twink takes the hits and just keeps clawing his way back up for more. I expect big, big things out of lovely, little Charlie Evans, and I’ve got no qualms at all about him sitting his fine, fine ass on the throne as HWOTM.
Christian Taylor owns the ring like he owns the HWOTM title
Christian Taylor is no stranger to the HWOTM winner’s sash. In the current quartet of HWOTM winners, Christian represents the most BG East experience, though most of that has been on the mats rather than in the ring. He’s also a standout in the crowd, standing a full half a foot taller than Charlie and taller than both members of Team Vanity. Christian grabbed the reins in the HWOTM race right around the moment when he and Charlie have cleaned house in the opening minutes of the match, full of contempt for their selfie-obsessed opponents. They each grab one of their opponents’ mobile phones and populate the photo libraries of Ty and Chase with the All-Americans’ own handsome mugs. But then Christian takes it one step further, instructing Charlie to follow his lead in taking photos down the front of their own trunks to give the narcissists some humiliation to suck on later. Babyface dicks? Fuck yes, this is homoerotic wrestling done right!
Devastated and devastatingly handsome
Christian’s ripped torso takes my breath away. If pressed to apply a label, I’d put him securely in the “jock” category. He sexes up everything he touches, and if there’s one misstep in TTT19, it’s the absence of Christian’s signature move, a long, wet, soul sucking lip lock (like seriously, show Charlie some lovin’ for taking that beating solo!). But what Christian does bring is a body to die for, a face to launch a thousand ships, and sensationally sexy focus both dishing out and soaking up pro punishment. He deserved it the first time Christian earned the HWOTM title, and he abundantly earns it again.
Chase works that appendage protruding from between his legs like a pro!
Chase Addams is the other rookie debut in TTT19, and like I said to Chase, he looks damned seasoned in his first BG East match. It would be easy to get overshadowed being the tag team partner of Ty Alexander (I think we can all agree on that, can’t we?). However, Chase carves out plenty of ring space all his own, both working independently and working off of the Trophy Boy. Chase’s full-throated commitment to his half of Team Vanity’s narcissist-off-the-rails narrative is outstanding. In the opening moments of this match, I was worried that the sexy newbie would be all flash and no go. Then he gets his turn sinking his claws deep into his babyface opponents, and… oh, fuck, no, he’s got plenty of go.
Call it what you will, this is sensational pro wrestling punishment!
But it’s Chase’s chickenwing suspended backbreaker (or, what? fuck I haven’t seen anything quite like this before) on Christian that finally convinces me that Chase is the real deal. The precision and execution of this hold is incredible. Is Chase a twink, however? I’m not really sure what silo to throw him into. He’s got a little too much muscle, and he’s way too much of a badass for me to think of him as a twink. He’s not hard enough, probably not yet toned enough to fit neatly in the jock category. He is pretty, though, and effortlessly sexy. I’d do body shots off his salted nipples in a heartbeat. So I’m fine with Chase without, as yet, possessing a label, but if you need something to call him, just call him homoerotic wrestler of the month.
All about Ty(‘s ass)
Finally, there’s Trohpy Boy Ty Alexander rounding out this foursome. This is Ty’s second drink at the HWOTM watering hole. And in TTT19, he is the “Ty-est” he’s ever been. There’s always been at least a glimpse of a narcissist in Ty’s wrestling resume, but he showed up for TTT19 in full bloom. He’s self-obsessed, raunchy, rowdy, and vicious as hell. There’s something quintessentially “Ty” about leaving your trunks pulled down your thonged asscheeks for nearly the entire match, for the sole reason that you possess Ty’s bronzed bubble butt. The Team Vanity versus the All-Americans stage dressing on TTT19 would have fundamentally fallen short if Ty had been any less extreme, any less over the top. And this is not a failure, by any means.
Christian rips Ty apart
And let’s be clear, I think Ty’s got a hot body (if you aren’t convinced, just ask him). Just like the evolution of his dangerously skilled narcissist character, Ty’s been beefing up and presenting a fitter physique in each and every match. The unapologetic narcissist in pro wrestling is pretty much guaranteed, almost by definition, to generate its own contrapuntal. Ty titillates and provokes in ways that are deceptively and carefully calculated. If you already think Ty is a hot piece of ass, then I need not argue the point further. However, if Ty irritates you, if he sort of pisses you off, if you find yourself filled with contempt for him, thinking out loud that he’s just not as hot as he thinks he is, and if, in response, you find yourself wanting to see his Trophy Boy ass beaten and humiliated because he’s just too self-obsessed, too confident, too convinced of his devastating good looks, then, again I say, Ty has done his job. That’s what pro wrestling narcissists do, they provoke you into crushing on them or aching to see them get their asses beat, which Ty does better than almost anyone. So, yeah, love him or hate him, Ty’s a chart topper and provides absolutely essential ingredients to TTT19 that earn him his full share of the HWOTM title.
So it’s an unconventional choice, but as I’ve explained often, it’s my choice. I know what I like, and that’s all this blog has been about for over seven years. You may have made a different choice, and you’re welcome to start your own blog and do just that, but here, and now, I’m more than satisfied with selecting 4 lovely, lithe, lean, handsome, delicious young studs as co-winners of the title of HWOTM for June 2016.
June 2016 Homoerotic Wrestlers of the Month: Christian Taylor, Charlie Evans, Ty Alexander, and Chase Addams
So much virtual ink has been spilled over the opening match in Tag Team Torture 19, I figured everything that could be said has been said by now. You’ve heard my opinions, Alex’s opinions, Joe’s opinions, and most recently, Wrestling Arsenal’s opinions on the classic confrontation between star spangled All-Americans Christian Taylor and Charlie Evans facing off agains Team Vanity, Ty Alexander and Chase Addams. But of everything that’s been said about this match, one thing we haven’t heard is what the wrestlers themselves might have to say about this much lauded new release. I’m tickled pink camo to report that both members of Team Vanity agreed to sit down with me and reflect on what went right and what went wrong for them in Tag Team Torture 19. I was so pleased that Ty and Chase were willing to set aside the bad blood that boiled over between them on camera to team up again for this interview. But not everything that tore them apart in TTT19 is exactly put back together again, and things go off the rails before the interview has even started, as you’ll see. There were hard words, hard feelings, and hard cocks (well, at least mine) by the time this chaotic twofer interview concluded, so buckle up, whip out your “selfie stick,” and enjoy the hard sell charm offense of 2015 Jobber of the Year Ty Alexander and dangerously charming newbie Charming Chase Addams.
Team Vanity: Ty Alexander and Chase Addams
Bard: I haven’t seen any sign of Ty yet.
Chase: Late as usual.
Bard: Well, let’s get this started, and hope that Ty shows up sooner rather than later. It is a great pleasure to get to talk with you, Chase!
Chase: Pleasure is mine.
Bard: You made quite an impression on BG East fans with your stunning debut on Tag Team Torture 19. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of a rookie debuting with two matches on one DVD before. How was it for you to get introduced to the meat grinder that is BG East competition?
Chase shows off his “different set of skills” all over Christian.
Chase: Not going to lie, it was a bit nerve racking. I’m not exactly your cookie cutter BG performer. I definitely brought a different build and different set of skills to the ring, and I wasn’t for sure how well received it would be. But so far everyone seems to be responding pretty positively to me.
Bard: Uh, hell yes! All the buzz that I’ve seen and heard has been very positive. So what are some of those different skills that you’ve brought with you to BG East, and where did you learn them?
Chase: I’m definitely very pro orientated, without having been a pro on the indy circuit, like BG normally brings in. I haven’t had the time traveling around and performing, so I had to practice over and over again in the ring in St. Louis until everything got perfect
Bard: You’re a mid-West boy?
Chase: Heartland born and raised. I’ve only lived near St. Louis for about two and a half years now.
Bard: Have you always been into wrestling, or is this relatively new?
Chase: I’ve always been a wrestling fan. I grew up on guys like Bret Hart. I was too young, in my parents opinion, to watch the Attitude era, so I got to start watching it again in about 2002, I think. Randy Orton and Evolution were becoming a thing. So no, this isn’t new for me.
Bard: You look pretty damned seasoned in TTT19. That was some fine, technical wrestling. Who would you say your style is modeled after?
Chase is partial to a joint snapping armbar.
Chase: I think my style is a bit of a mix. I see something that someone does that impresses me and I add that to my list. Currently, I’ve been watching a lot of Zach Sabre Jr, and Becky Lynch lately. Something about armbars are so simple and so effective.
Bard: You nearly rip apart more than a couple of arms in TTT19 with those armbars and wristlocks. Was it all science and calculations for you, or did you enjoy putting a hurt on your opponents?
Chase: I go in with a game plan, but if something else seems to work better, I can be a little flexible. If there is blood in the water, I go right for it.
Bard: That definitely shows. The match description on the website suggests that Ty gets some credit for bringing you into BG East. How did your relationship with the Trophy Boy come about?
Things Fall Apart
Chase: I met Ty through a former BG wrestler, and he introduced us. Ty and I kept in touch, and he was a pretty strong advocate for bringing me into the company.
Bard: It should come as no surprise to fans for me to reveal that things go south for your tag team relationship. I mean, it turns really, really ugly there. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised that Ty is, thus far, standing us up for what had been agreed to be a joint interview. Are things still icy between the two of you?
Chase: I’m fine with everything. His ego is probably still recovering from the two matches. It is unfortunate that he couldn’t bother to show up for this. It’s disrespectful to the both of us really.
Bard: I know well that Ty has a very sizable ego. In your working relationship with him, as brief as it was, how would you handicap the Trophy Boy? What would you say is his biggest asset in the ring, and, conversely, what would you say is Ty’s biggest weakness?
Chase: I’m sure in his opinion his biggest asset would be his ass. He seems to find a way to get it hanging out every match…the entire match. He gets so caught up in himself that it really hinders him.
Ty: [arriving and interrupting] I’m here now, so you can start the interview.
Chase: So glad you could be bothered to join us.
Bard: I’m glad you could make it after all, Ty!
It takes time to look this good.
Ty: Sorry, Bard. I spent all night picking out my week’s gear. Gotta look amazing in the ring. Takes a lot out of a guy. Had to get that beauty sleep in, and I mean, come on! It takes time to look this good. So you can understand, I’m sure. Also had to polish my multiple awards. Debut, wrestler of the year, and all that. You know how it is.
Chase: And, my point is proven.
Bard: [laughing] Interestingly, Chase was just sharing that he thinks your obsession with your ass may be your biggest weakness when you climb into the ring. How you feel about that?
Ty: How can an ass like this be a weakness!? Oh, Chase is here too, huh [just noticing]? Yeah, I totally forgot about that one. I mean he did get a close up look of it.
Ty’s assets
Bard: [laughing] Too true! Your tag team opponents shoved your face right between Ty’s bubble cheeks, Chase. Is Ty’s ass as phenomenal as it’s made out to be?
Ty: [interrupting as Chase starts to reply] I can answer that. Yes, yes it is. I mean look at this! It gave Kid Karisma competition finally for best ass. And sorry, Chase, when your photos have as many admirers as mine do you will understand being fashionably late.
Chase: When you’re a professional, you show up on time.
Bard: Okay, this is going to get out of hand, I can tell. So, Ty, since I gave Chase a chance to handicap you, what would you say are Chase’s biggest asset and weakness as a ring rookie?
Ty: Assets? Hmm. Have to think about that [tapping his chin, looking stumped].
Bard: Seriously, you have nothing complimentary to say about your tag team partner!?
Team Vanity doesn’t know what just hit them (each other).
Ty: I’d say Chase is an amazing wrestler. There is no doubt about that. But that’s just it: he’s a rookie. I mean so many rookie mistakes. I mean, who falls for the oldest trick in the book of tripping over a foot?! Seriously!? Also that ghostly lack of a tan. I’m sure Charlie can see him coming a mile away.
Bard: Well, I suppose that answers the assets and weaknesses question. What would each of you say are the ingredients of a successful tag team?
Ty: Matching outfits, of course! Gotta coordinate everything perfectly. The look. The attitude. That’s why I tried to groom Chase in the best way possible: in my image. I mean, come on, look at that look! We looked awesome!
Chase: Synergy is important. The two involved need to be on the same level. When one is dragging the other along by his overly tan hide, it gets a little strenuous on the other.
Ty: Yeah, you were a good bit under my level, thanks for admitting that.
Bard: Well, both of you have put your finger on my next question, which is where did Team Vanity go off the rails? So much promise. Fabulously matching gear. Serious ring skills. But those All-Americans seriously own you both at multiple points in your match. What went wrong?
Ty: Another thing a tag team needs is concern for their partner, which I had. Chase took a hit to the face, and who was there to look and make sure nothing happened? Me, that’s who. The poor guy would have been lost without me.
Chase: Such a caring partner. Especially with the elbow drop across my face
Ty: I only did it to reset you nose after the little ginger bitch hit you. I was helping! I’d say things fell apart with Chase being a klutz and ramming his face into my balls when he tripped over Christian’s foot. A concerned partner would have also tried to pull my trunks up, but I also understand how distracting it could be. It happens.
Bard: What do you think was the nail in the coffin of Team Vanity, Chase?
Ty: That nail of a nose in my perfect ass [cough, cough].
Chase: When he decided to attack me, aka, the elbow to my face.
Ty: I told you, I was trying to fix your nose!!! No appreciation from these rookies, I swear. Try to help them, and they think you attack them, ugh. No trust at all.
In the grudge match that follows their tag team debut, it’s not always clear who has whom!
Bard: [laughing] So, can we talk about your singles match, that followed that fateful tag team car crash with the All-Americans? You both look incredibly evenly matched for the first third of the match or so. Were you surprised by how close that match was?
Chase: I felt bad during the first part of the match. His bruised ego and all. I was holding back for his sake.
Chase leaves bruises.
Ty: Bruised ego, huh? Not at all. My ego is in tact. What wasn’t was my body after you caused more damage than our opponents during our tag team match. Busted lip, sore ass, welt on my head, sprained ankle. I couldn’t take pics all day, damn it! But to answer the actual question, Bard, I wasn’t so surprised. After all, he was emulating me.
Bard: Now that sounds serious, if Ty wasn’t physically able to take selfies.
Ty: I know! Don’t worry, though. I have made a full recovery
Chase: [rolling eyes] Joyous.
Ty: Shut up, Chase! I should have known you were up to no good. Wearing all that camo. Sneaky son of a bitch. See, Bard, gear obviously makes the match. He needed to cheat by wearing camo. It even helped hide that bleached body of his.
This grudge match is personal!
Bard: [laughing] Well, I think that answers my question about any ongoing bad blood between the two of you. I’m trying not to include too much of a spoiler here for fans who haven’t seen the matches, but it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise that you both suffer hard at each other’s hands. They say no one can hurt you worse than a lover, and I’m wondering if something similar holds for pro wrestling. No one knows how to hurt you worse than a tag team partner. Do you think you two could ever patch things up and give the tag team circuit another try?
For the record: Chase will NOT worship the ground Ty walks on.
Chase: Ty seems to want to “mold me into his image.” I’m not down for that. I don’t plan on having my career being based off of being Ty’s tag team partner. I’m skillful enough to stand on my own. Ty likes to call me “this rookie.” I haven’t been doing this for a decade, but I have been doing this on my own for the past two and a half years. This isn’t my first rodeo, and it won’t be my last. So, in short, Ty can go find someone else to worship the ground he walks on.
Ty: You know what? Fine, you ungrateful ass. I will! There are tons of BG East prospects who would kill to tag with me. I was going to give you a second chance. Give you an opportunity to try your own thing, but please, by all means, see how far you go, little man. And two and a half years!? Ha! Please, I’ve been doing it way longer than you, buddy.
Bard: Now that’s a definitive “no!” Based on what I’ve seen, I’d say you definitely have everything you need to stand on your own, Chase. You mentioned early on, before Ty arrived, that you don’t have a typical physical build for BG East wrestlers. Can we talk about your body just a bit?
Chase: Sure thing, Bard.
Ty: His body!? Huh, please. You really think that can stand up to Kayden, Guido, Kid Karisma? Ha! They would snap him like a twig.
You aren’t looking at Chase’s shoulders, are you?
Bard: So, sure Ty, chime in here, but I want to talk about the fresh meat on the table, namely, Chase’s body. Personally, Chase, I think you’ve got a sensational body for pro wrestling. And you know what discerning eyes BG East fans have. I know what I like about your body, but what are you particularly proud of about your physique, Chase?
Ty: I’ll keep my comments to myself. No matter how much of a disappointment he is, I can’t deny Chase the compliment that he has a nice body. Trust me, he does work hard.
Chase: Well, I’m constantly striving to be better, but I’m told I have nice shoulders [laughing].
Bard: I could see that, Chase. Your shoulders are sexy. You also have unquestionably sexy nipples. I’m hoping that you and Mason Brooks square off at some point for a sexy nipple contest.
Mason and Chase need to settle this in the ring!
Chase: I would love to face Mason over who has better nipples! I’m sure that’d be fun!
Bard: Uh, fuck yes, that would be fun!!! Oh, you mean for you? Yes, I get the sense that wrestling Mason is intensely pleasant and painful all at the same time. Can you talk more about what you meant when you said you have a “different build” than most wrestlers at BG East?
Slender with a bit of mass.
Chase: I’m more slender, but I still have a bit of mass on me. It’s like I’m the best of both worlds combined.
Ty: [laughing] Best of both worlds? You’re in your own little world, that’s for sure.
Bard: Like I said, I think you’re mighty fine, Chase. I do think that some BG East fans key in on one particular body type. Some like the massive bodybuilders. Others get off on bear daddies. Some like the fashion models. As for me, I savor them all. And I think you bring a great look and a very sexy bod to contribute to the mix. Ty brought up the challenge that you face now that you’ve been introduced to the ranks of BG East, namely big, bruising heels with boatloads of wrestling experience and anywhere from 30 to 60 pounds of muscle mass advantage over you. Have you thought about how you’d handle the big, big bad boys at BG East?
Ty:I think a BG East veteran would be skeptical of his ability to handle the bigger guys, that’s for sure.
Chase: There is plenty more of me that the audience hasn’t seen of me yet.
Bard: Well, I for one am eager to sample more. I think you may want to watch your back, though. Ty seems to be nursing a grudge.
Ty: Not at all. A grudge? Never! Never that. [laughing evilly] I mean, why would I plot the downfall and pain of someone who I eagerly wait to see again soon?
Chase: He can be bitter and butt-hurt all he wants. I don’t mind.
Ty: Bitter and butt-hurt? [laughing] Please, just you wait, you little wannabe pretty boy. I have personal connections inside BG, and with the Boss. You think you can take on some of the bigger guys, be my guest. I can’t wait to see the result. I’m sure Boss Leopard will have a few things to say about your bitch attitude
“lift, crunch, press, fuck”
Bard: So, Ty, what about you? I recently described you as seeming to be in the process of becoming your truest self. Your wrestling skills, your body, your attitude… you’ve been on a steep climb in your career thus far, and you’ve been making huge advances. That said, your actual success in the ring has been limited. What’s in store for you?
Ty: For me? Oh, lots in store for me. I have been working hard with people from all over getting tips and training more with the Boss and Firestorm. Can I help it that people love me when I get my ass whopped? Not really, but those are what the Boss gives me for opponents. Bigger guys that some of the smaller ones are too afraid to face, because the Boss knows I can take it. That being said, you have seen two total pieces so far of my expansive Trophy Boy collection. There are many colors of the rainbow, and with my new attitude, outlook, and training, I’m gonna be way more aggressive and more cocky. I’m not afraid of anyone. And I know what “assets” I have to work to my advantage.
Ty’s not afraid of the big boys!
Chase: Everyone deserves to feel special, even Ty. I’m sure Ty is going to continue his transformation into becoming the Kathy Griffin of BGE. All talk, all annoyance, all day, everyday.
Ty: Ha! I’m not D-List, Chase, I’m all A-List! Buckle up, little man. And buckle up, fans. There is a new Ty in town, and he’s here to stay.
Bard: I think you both have very, very bright futures ahead of you. Ty, if you could give one piece of advice to Chase as he looks to take his next steps in his wrestling career, what would it be?
Chase: Oh, this ought to be good.
“This ought to be good.”
Ty: Watch your ba….. I mean, um, work hard keep training and get better.
Bard: [laughing] Sounds like good advice, Ty. Chase, as someone who has studied the sport extensively and worked closely with your former tag team partner here, what advice would you give to Ty at this point in his career?
Chase: Say your prayers, take your vitamins, stay in school, don’t do drugs. If he hasn’t learned anything by this point, he’s not going to. He’s been doing this for so much longer than I have, yet I’ve surpassed him in skill. Not much I can do for that.
Ty: Cocky little shit. I can’t wait to see you get your ass beaten. In fact I want a front row seat.
Chase: Only if we can find a muzzle for you.
Ty: Been there done that in a match.
Bard: Sage advice, all around. Well, I for one am truly sorry that Team Vanity seems to have run its course so soon. I loved your chemistry, and I’m sorry that more tag team opponents won’t get the opportunity to get ripped apart by the two of you in tandem. However, I am anxiously anticipating the next chapters in both of your wrestling careers. I hope you’ll both stay in touch with me and let neverland readers know how things are going for you on and off camera as things unfold for you.
Chase: Anything for you, Bard.
Bard: Hey, now. Keep talking like that, and I bet you’ll get very glowing reviews, Chase!
Ty: Always pleasure to interview for you, Bard. Even if the co-interviewee is Chase.
Bard: You’re a force of nature, Ty. I’m glad you were able to join us after all. This interview was a little like herding cats, but I was delighted to get to talk to you both. Thanks for letting fans in on a little more of what goes into the epic rise and fall of such a promising tag team!
Chase: Thanks again, Bard.
Ty: Later.
The future looks bright for Chase Addams and Ty Alexander.
It seems like several of us bloggers have been anxious for some satisfying tag team wrestling. Count this as the third of, thus far, three reviews that I’m aware of the first match in BG East’s Tag Team Torture 19. Joe published a straightforward match summary that catches the spirit and pace of the match. Like Joe, the antics had me laughing at times, though it seems as though the match may have stroked my kink a little more successfully than it did Joe’s. Alex was actually first out of the gate with an insightful review of the same bout. As Alex points out, this is a classically crafted tag team match full of respect and full throttle enthusiasm for old school tag team melodrama. I whole heartedly agree. It’s over-the-top, character-driven pro wrestling action, but over-the-top only as far as classic pro tag team wrestling (think at least 30 years ago) was over-the-top. So often, homoerotic wrestling products succeed precisely by bringing the camera in close and documenting the humanity (and obvious erotic text/sub-text) of pro wrestling in intimate detail. TTT19 pans back, paints with a broad brush, and successfully conveys a pro wrestling narrative that’s larger than life and perfectly on pitch for conveying heroes and villains, inflated egos and strained alliances, astonishingly high quality wrestling finesse and blunt force trauma.
Ring veterans Ty Alexander and Christian Taylor sell
First, let me give a nod to veterans in the ring. Both Christian Taylor and Ty Alexander have possessed the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month here at neverland in the past, and they both have earned a huge fan following. Ty is, over time, crystalizing into his truest self, I think, with TTT19 documenting his deepest, darkest descent to date into dangerous, raging, psychopathological self-infatuation. And Christian clearly stores a secret portrait of himself in the attic, because he is somehow fitter, younger, and prettier than ever (despite my being assured by insiders that this match was very recently shot). Ty does heel jobber to perfection, and Christian is the quintessential hot, hardworking, never say die babyface veteran.
Ginger babyface Charlie Evans
Pairing each of these veterans with a fresh, raw newbie was a stroke of genius. To start with, I’ve had my eye on Charlie Evans for about 8 months, since first catching sight of him at MDW. In TTT19, he’s a fantastic sidekick to his superheroic partner. About 80% of the time, wearing stars and stripes gear is a very bad omen for BG East wrestlers, but there’s a cocky irreverence about the All-Americans that keeps me on the hook. The good guys start the action by interrupting their opponents’ endless selfie obsession and delivering a beautifully synchronized beatdown on the badboys (an extremely cathartic moment for me, frankly). But then I literally stand up and cheer when bantam weight Charlie executes a handstand monkey flip, flinging a stunned Trophy Boy out of the corner and instantly into Christian’s waiting crotch-ripping spladle. This is NOT going to be a flat-footed pushing and shoving match. This is fucking serious pro wrestling!
Chase Addams almost steals the show
Ty’s newbie partner, Chase Addams, has also instantly put me on the hook. I despise him (in a good way) before he even climbs into the ring. The smirk. The duck face. That fucking annoying headband. Within about 8 seconds of showing up on camera, he’s completely embodied the rash, cocky, unsportsmanlike pro wrestling heel he is. His trash talk and running commentary nearly steal the entire show for me. The match pivots on Chase’s quick wit and character flaws, like when Team Vanity is isolating and working the fuck out of each of their opponents in turn, with Ty bearing down big time on Christian with a gorgeous dragon sleeper. Ty shouts over his shoulder to make sure that his rookie partner is documenting this magnificent moment on his cell phone camera, but Chase is busy adoring his own handsome face staring back at him instead. It’s also Chase who kicks off the sexy-as-hell device of demanding, mid-submission hold, to hear from his opponent whose submission hold hurts worse, his or Ty’s. I don’t know where Charming Chase came from or what pro wrestling school he purportedly graduated from, but he’s emerged as a fully formed pro wrestler who can pace a complicated match with impressive acumen.
Chase cranks up the pressure (in my crotch)
Lest I make this match sound too, too straight, let me also say that both newbies in TTT19 are cranking my engine with both hands. There’s something sort of elven about Charming Chase, sort of kick-ass pretty, like Legolas ripping off his clothes and pumping out a most muscular to intimidate a foe. He’s lean and fit, but not whittled or swoll. On the one hand, I could picture some of the seriously big boys at BG East snapping the Charming One like a twig, but on the other hand, there’s a hard core center to Chase that makes me equally able to picture him cheating and stealing and clawing the fuck out of a big, muscle daddy’s balls to level the playing field. Like I said, that smirking, sneering, self-obsessed attitude makes me fucking hate this kid with relish, AND I’m pounding 5 or 6 out dedicated especially to him before I’m all done with this DVD.
Charlie is one tough son of a bitch!
My physical arousal for Charlie Evans takes me just a little by surprise. He’s so insanely lean, absolutely whittled down to an anatomy chart with a shock of ginger hair. I frequently key off on wrestlers with more mass, usually more muscle size, sometimes just more size overall, but Charlie carved out his own space in my wrestling lusts. I momentarily worry for the bantam weight when Team Vanity is double teaming the shit out of him. There’s a delicate veneer on Charlie that looks like it very well could shatter, strung up in that tree of woe with Ty’s knee grinding the Trophy Boy’s entire bodyweight down into Charlie’s balls. But the ginger babyface sucks down the punishment like it’s Diet Coke on ice. Screaming, sure, but the gritty undercoat on Charlie turns me on hard as I slowly grow to trust that those ultra lean limbs aren’t going to snap under his opponent’s assault. He’s also got a seriously above average ass on that lean, lean frame. And when he gets just a little giddy with the thrill of reigning down punishment on his narcissistic opponents, damn, I’m nursing a major hard on and just a little bit of a crush.
Double Armbar Suspended Backbreaker? I just call this sexy as fuck!
Alex and Joe have done a great job of outlining what this match attempts and accomplishes, so I’ll just call out a couple more moments that stick with me and make me enjoy this match so much. I don’t know if it a”double armbar suspended backbreaker” is the most poetic way to describe the hold that Chase wraps Christian up in, but whatever the fuck it is, it makes me gasp. Christian looks like a twist tie. There are about two dozen ways this sculpture could come crashing to the ground in a miserable heap, but it doesn’t, and Chase makes this work like a seasoned pro. And fuck, it looks like it hurts!
My heroes!
I also love, love, love this breed of All-American babyface heroes who despise their self-obsessed opponents just a tad more than they are devoted to following the rules. They signal their contempt very early, right after the opening salvo in which they slap Team Vanity down like bitches. Christian and Charlie high five each other for a job well done (thus far, at least), and they spontaneously peel out of their Stars and Stripes board shorts to battle the rest of the way in sensationally brief Stars and Stripes speedos. Why do they take their board shorts off? It isn’t really clear, but I read this moment as a direct challenge to the “pretty title” that Team Vanity seem to have already awarded themselves. Just to drive home the point, Charlie and Christian (the heroes, let me remind you), grab their opponents’ cell phones, tug at the top of their speedos, and take selfies of their own cocks, just to remind Chase and Ty after all is said and done just how much the All-Americans were packing in this match. It’s a similar vibe to the completely illicit double teaming that Christian and Charlie inflict on Ty, with a gorgeous face-to-crotch smothering headscissors by Christian with a Boston crab chaser by Charlie just to make the humiliation and agony that much worse. It’s audacious. It’s rude. It’s completely gratuitous and self-congratulatory. And I could seriously back this brand of postmodern babyface heroes!
Ty sucks on the pain and humiliation
There are just a few things that would have perfected this match that much more for me. For one, all those selfies… fuck, I’ve said it before and, sadly, I’ll probably say it again, publish those fuckers!!! And I’m not (just) talking about the cock shots of the All-Americans (though, yeah, that would be major value added). I think when they bring multi-media into the narrative, it would be so sweet to download those pics and make them part of the promotion. Dial up the immediacy and authenticity by sprinkling in some of those very shots of Chase and Ty duckfacing, of the All-Americans screaming in submission, of the ultimate losers flat out cold and helplessly documented.
I want that cell phone photo!!!
Another missed opportunity here is that this is a Christian Taylor match with no kissing. Christian is the reigning kissing king at BG East, and I’m slightly bitter that all of the self-congratulations the All-Americans enjoy doesn’t include a liplock for lucky, lucky Charlie.
Sensational!
Regardless of what isn’t in this match, by the end of it all, I’m a little more infatuated with every single one of these battlers. I love the story, and I’m thrilled with the action. There’s an unapologetic and out loud vibe throughout the match, and I’m not just talking about Chase’s face getting shoved into his partner’s ass. These are 4 hot boys who convey a genuine love and respect for pro wrestling and gay fans. I can’t wait to see more of Charlie and Chase. I never fail to be entranced by Christian. And I love the ever growing dangerousness of the Ty that makes his Trophy Boy narcissism many times more multi-dimensional.
It’s taken a few weeks, but I’m thrilled to report that I’ve relocated chez Bard to greener pastures. My life is still mostly in boxes, but internet is up an running, so all is right with the world again. I’ve had the opportunity to watch just a little homoerotic wrestling during the transition, and I’ve got some exciting features and interviews in the pipeline. For today, though, I’ll just call out the eye catching new release teasers that have been making me salivate. As I’ve mused about before, there’s something a little magical about that liminal time between the first glimpse of marketing of new homoerotic wrestling matches and the moment of putting eyes on the product itself. I’m still consuming about 75% of my wrestling in DVD format, so that enticing moment of promise and anticipation can stretch at least a few days as the US Postal Service makes its way to my door (happily, that distance is considerably shorter for most of my favorite wrestling producers after this last move). Sometimes the marketing inspires my imagination in ways that the actual product never quite matches, but sometimes I’m particularly pleased to be caught by surprise, thrown a twist, or simply served up exactly the titillating, provocative wrestling fare that my heart desired. In the last couple of weeks, the following new releases have been tweaking my fantasies, and being between addresses has meant the opportunity to suck down that gratification has been even more delayed. What follows are the tried and true favorites of mine, and every match mentioned below features a hunk I’ve named homoerotic wrestler of the month in the past. I’m sure you’ll see reviews of at least some of these in the coming weeks as I settle into my new home and new routine, but for now, just the first glimpses catching my eye.
Christian Taylor and Charlie Evans tag up in Tag Team Torture 19
First of all, this tag team in the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19 is spinning me right round. I haven’t felt a good scratching of my ongoing itch for hot, erotic tag team wrestling in a long time, and the pairing of sensationally handsome and ripped veteran Christian Taylor (former homoerotic wrestler of the month around here) with lovely, lithe newbie and fan of neverland, Charlie Evans, could be just what the doctor ordered.
Team Vanity: Ty Alexander & Charlie Evans
Increasing my anticipation of this Tag Team Torture 19 match are Christian and Charlie’s opponents. Of course, I sit up and take notice when one of my boybanders, Ty Alexander, climbs into the ring, looking fitter and finer than ever. But his fan-turned-tag partner Chase Addams could very well need to join the band. Newbie heels are are a hard sell for me, though, so the jury is out as to whether the new kid’s marketed phenomenal attitude and ring skills will make me want to throw my underwear at him.
Matt Thrasher debuts as tag team partner for Brute Baynard
Sticking with TTT19 for just a tad longer, don’t think it escaped my notice that daddy-of-my-dreams and former HWOTM Matt Thrasher has made his BG East debut! I’ve fallen deep for daddy Matt since the first glimpse I got of him at MDW. I’m rigid with anticipation of what BGE might make of this salt and pepper muscleman.
Two boybanders in one match!? Ah, hell yes! You’d think Ring Releases 4 was a custom match I ordered, featuring my long time infatuation Drake Marcos and heel pup Kayden Keller. Drake keeps begging for another shot at taking me on in the ring, so I’m always keenly interested in watching the endless ways that his opponents break him apart piece by piece. I have high expectations that Kayden’s work here will be inspiring and devastating.
Denny Cartier can do no wrong!
I’m also a Denny Cartier fanatic. I’ve named him homoerotic wrestler of the month at least twice that I can remember off the top of my head. There’s something raw and real about Denny, with a look that makes me weak in the knees and mat wrestling skills that bring me at full attention every fucking time. I don’t know if Chace LaChance is too much muscle and ego to handle, but damn, I’m eager to see Denny give it a go.
JJ’s got the goods.
Also from Chace’s Spotlight, Jake Jenkins. Need I say more? I’ve been on team Jake from the start, and I’ve never failed to be fully satisfied and completely exhausted with every match I’ve seen of his. He has a dismal record in the BG East ring, making me worry about his prospects against Chace is this match, but his size and acrobatics combined with Chace’s muscle mass, leaves me anticipating a lot of gasping, awe and orgasms.
Eagle can land on me anytime!
I’ve been off the Thunder’s Arena rotation for a while now, but the tempting teaser of another look at drop-dead gorgeous Eagle stomping the living shit out of Z-Man is one of a couple of strong motivators for climbing back into the arena again. Eagle was one of the rare newbies to convince me to make him homoerotic wrestler of the month, and I’m wanting to see what the sophomore year has in store for the beefcake.
The other motivator is the prospect of sampling Thunder’s new babyface bodybuilder Steel up against fitter than ever (how is that even possible!?) Marco, yet another HWOTM. Guys built as magnificently as Steel have a dismal track record when it comes to homoerotic wrestling, in my book at least. I still hold out hope for a second coming of Steve Sterling, a juicy, impeccably crafted bodybuilder who really takes to the genre with enthusiasm and promise. Even if he’s just eye candy, he’s in phenomenal hands in this match.
Can’t wait to dig in, and of course I’ll let you know what I think (as if you could stop me). It’ll probably still be a little while of unpacking and settling in before I hit my stride here again, but I’m looking forward to comparing notes with you soon.
Sidelineland 