And the nominees are…

Mere hours are left for you to register your votes for the 2014 BG East Besties. The last 4 categories I have to reflect on are what I think of as the most dramatic and titillating. Like saving “best picture” and “best actor in a leading role,” I’ve held off on reflecting on these because these mean most to me in any ways.  First up, let’s look at those who sold the most compelling characters this year, beginning with nominees for Top Heel.

morganheel
After a bumpy start in BG East his first go a couple of years ago, Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise has been a perennial heel. Vicious, merciless, with no regard for life or limb, much less rules or good taste, he’s very on point at all times. His monologues tend to be constant, regardless of his opponent, and I long for new depths of sadism fro him. But he’s got a ton of fans.
guidoheel
Guido Genatto has a boatload of nominations for Best Ring Match, Best Squash, Best Submissions, Best Overall Match. He doesn’t just heel, he obliterates. He’s a steam roller who delights in cheating because, fuck, who’s going to try to stop him? Definition of a heel.
laneheel
Lane Hartley has so much swagger and he’s so damn pretty, he nearly slides out of heeldom when I picture him in my mind’s eye. He’s relentless and deeply sadistic. He takes great pleasure in the screams and tears of his victims.
karismaheel
My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler Kid Karisma drips with contempt, supremely confident that his muscle and might will roll right over every victim placed in his way. I don’t think of him as a dirty tricks wrestler, because he’s just so fucking dominant, why would he need to rely on cheating? Sadistic as shit, yes, but the top heel?
thunderheel
Cage Thunder is a top shelf heel at all times, even though his appearances in 2014 were scarce. The mask, the body, that awesome cock… everything about him is perfectly tuned to inspire terror. He did what he does fabulously, but with just one match on the books this year, will he claim Top Heel of the year?

Shockingly, the reigning Top Heel the past two years running, Jonny Firestorm, was absent from this year’s slate. Was Jonny’s work somehow less dominant, less dastardly, less sadistic? With him suspiciously out of the way, however, someone is definitely taking the crown for the first time. I’m leaning toward Guido because of both quantity and quality of his matches. His trash talk alone is terrifyingly hot, but his muscle domination and indy pro heel superiority are absolutely soul crushing. I’m guessing fans will break his way or possibly Morgan’s. I think Cage Thunder is a long shot this year solely because he didn’t put up more evidence of his heel mastery in 2014, but he very well could be the sentimental favorite of long-time fans.

Top Jobber is crazy competitive this year. I would argue a jobber is not someone who just gets squashed, but someone who sells that he whole heartedly believes he has a fighting chance, even mounts some offense and keeps the suspense building, but sooner or later, inevitably goes down in crushing defeat. A jobber isn’t a pushover. He’s not a joke. He inhabits a full story arc, even if the outcome is as certain as the sunrise. You and I know a jobber is doomed from the start, but he doesn’t.  Let’s take a look at the contenders for this nuanced category.

tyjobber
Ty Alexander has been a house on fire his debut year. I think he’s a clear frontrunner for Debut of the Year, and he quickly developed the narrative of his legitimate skill and enthusiasm doomed to be crushed under foot. At times I wondered if his masochism was too far in front, if he wanted to be beaten so bad that he collapsed the suspension of disbelief. But he assembled an army of fans who I’m sure are behind him (because the view is so damn fine from back there).
kirkjobber
I got harassed for discounting Kirk Donahue’s qualifications to be in the Best Butt contention, so I realize I may be asking for it again when I say that, although he made my crotch stir hard with an epic sell jobbing in 2014, it was just one match. The suspense lasted about 17 seconds before Guido was grinding the kid into pulp, which he sold like a champ, but still, was it enough to say he was Top Jobber for 2014?
jjjobber
Jake Jenkins carries so much water at BG East it’s amazing. Total top tier, multi-award winner babyface, he took major beatings in the ring in 2014 establishing a fantastic claim to be considered Top Jobber. Ignore his mat work. That’s a whole different JJ, and BGE deploys their boys in different genres with entirely different aptitudes. In the ring, though, in those “beat me” American flag trunks, he was an incredible jobber.
ofcourseajobber
Drake started the year first jobbing hard for Mason Brooks and then getting pissy with me for admiring what a hot jobber he is. The handsome jobber fucking HATES being called a jobber, which somehow merely makes it only that much more certain that he’s such… a… JOBBER. To top it off, after searching the ranks of bloggers to find someone he can finally beat, he still ended up in a tree of woe with my heel grinding into his defenseless chest. What a jobber…
kipjobber
Kip Sorell is one tasty muscle jobber. His claim to Top Jobber seems clearer than his contention for Top Babyface, as I mentioned earlier. However, I’m not entirely sure Kip honestly believes at any point leading up to or during any of his matches that he has a snowball’s chance in hell. That makes him blur somewhere between a doomed character in a Greek tragedy (aka, a jobber) and a helpless victim of a mugging/attempted rape (aka, a farce). Fans love him every time he suffers hard, though.

Tough call, with a ton of blurry lines depending on exactly what you think and feel about jobbers in general.  Two-time winner Rio Garza was not nominated this year, leaving the field open for a first-timer to be guaranteed the crown. With the fond memory of him out cold, stripped naked, and with his trunks stuffed down his throat in the middle of the ring after coming face to face with a certain blogger, though, I have to punch Drake Marcos’ ticket (once again) for Top Jobber. I think his biggest competition for this one is Ty, with the difference being, in my mind, mainly the certainty that Ty would love to be Top Jobber, while Drake would hate it. Paradoxically, I think that gives Drake the edge here.  Long shot I think is JJ, mostly just because some people will vote for him regardless what the category is.  He’s so complex, though, and you have to partition out his mat work to fully justify him as Top Jobber.

Hottest Liplock may not be a category others think of as the top tier choice to make, but I fucking LOVE this category. Like “Best Submissions in One Match,” the context isn’t entirely clear.  A particular liplock? Perhaps not, since the nominees are just matches.  I love wrestling liplocks, though, so however you slice it, I’m so into this category.

drakelip
Babyface Brawl X was sexy as hell and a fantastic concoction of bitter aggression and full on sexual arousal, which is one of my favorite formulas. Drake and Ty were fighting for victory, for dignity, and most of all, for Drake’s trunks. Some of the hottest liplocks are NFSW, but every one left me wondering whether it would be interrupted by more bitter fighting, which makes everyone of them hot, hot, hot.
rosslip
Wrestle Shack 18 was full of full on homoerotic wrestling lust between Gabriel Ross and Christian Taylor. This was a fantastically sexy pairing, with tons of value added for the stark contrasts between their bodies. Christian is reigning kissing champion of BG East in my book, but I don’t know if Gabriel was as convincingly committed to the liplocks.
treylip
Holy shit Trey Dixon and Skip Vance were on FIRE by the end of their Gear Wars 4 match. How no penetration appeared on camera is a mystery to me, because Skip’s rod is visibly throbbing and Trey looks like a starved man sitting at an Old Country Buffet. This particular jockstrapped, cock-sitting, body-scissors-oh-fuck-it-let’s-suck-face moment brings a tear of ecstasy to my eyes every time.
kaydenlip
Raunchy Rookies 7 saw the seismic double debut of Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander, putting up one of the sexiest, most explicit, fully erotic wrestling matches I’ve ever seen a rookie (much less two) manage. Kayden looks like he could eat the face off of adorable Ty, but the corporal domination leads ultimately to merely a double explosion in the middle of the ring. Sizzlingly hot liplocks, particularly once the gear is stripped.
masonlip
Pain & Punishment 1 has locked down a boatload of nominations all over the place, so yet again consider the fine eroticism of Mason Brooks squelching Drake Marcos’ screams of anguish with an intoxicating liplock. Not nearly as many liplocks in this bitter, bitter feud as for other contenders, but the aggressive, dominating, domineering face suck is enacted to perfection.

So many fantastic liplock moments that speak to the very heart of what moves me most about homoerotic wrestling! If I could vote for all of the nominees, I would, because they all rocked me dizzyingly hard. Just one, though? Fuck.  It’s razor close between Babyface Brawl X and Gear Wars 4. My vote finally goes to the homoerotic jobber wonder twins, Drake & Ty, whose Babyface Brawl X was incredibly innovative and pushed the envelope in all the right directions.  I have no idea what the majority will vote for in this category. I won’t be surprised for whoever wins, though I’m pulling for the jobber wonder twins.

Now for Best Overall Match of 2014…

guidobest
Guido Genatto once again complicates the field with two entries, first for Demolition 17 against Jake Jenkins. I don’t know if a squash is likely to win because of the constituency that just doesn’t like them, though this one was incredibly tasty.
kirkbest
Demolition 18 found Guido again crushing another jobber like a grape, this time wunderkind Kirk “don’t-discount-my-ass” Donahue. This match definitely made me most genuinely concerned for the life and limb of a wrestler this year. Was it best overall?
treybest
Mat wrestling entries for Best Overall Match include Passion & Punishment 1’s Trey Dixon v Skrapper. Intensely, intimately, shockingly erotic without an ounce of hot, hard, painful wrestling action spared. Incredible match. Totally legitimate finalist for this category.
drakebest
Yet another Pain & Punishment 1 entry is Drake Marcos getting schooled like a stubborn pup by sexy as hell philosopher king Mason Brooks. This match pushed all my buttons a lot. Awesome drama that extended well beyond the narrative on camera. Fantastic wrestling, awesome suffering, sweat, luscious bodies… I’m convinced, but I’m slightly surprised it pulled the nominating committee to include it.
zmanbest
Pretty boy ring feast, Ring Hunks 2 makes a surprise entry here (as far as I’m concerned). Truly a watershed moment to watch Z-Man really come into his own and set the pace, control the tempo, and tell the story (not to mention fucking own every inch of Kip Sorell). Another squash though, making all 3 ring match entries in this category way one-sided. Not judgment on my part, just an observation.
cameronbest
Submissions 9 puts in the last contender with Cameron Matthews and Lorenzo Jake Lowe chaining together one dizzyingly hot hold after another until everyone is coated in sweat (and most of us on this end of the screen coated in other bodily fluids). Highest quality mat wrestling, big egos, energizer bunnies, bitter aggression.

I’m fascinated that all three ring match entries are squashes. That, along with Guido’s double entry, really fucks with my confidence in predicting a frontrunner. My vote is going to Mason and Drake because of several factors, including Mason’s gorgeous naked ass, Drake’s horrified whimpers, bitter trash talk, a gallon of sweat, and the ball rolling that would lead to me snapping Drake’s photo flat on his back under my foot about 9 months later. Extremely close 2nd place for me is Trey and Skrapper. Holy fuck that’s one over-the-top hot, hard fought, insanely sexy match. My barely better than a random guess for the majority on this one is Cameron and LJL, mostly because of Cam’s fan following. I think long odds are on Guido & Kirk.

If you haven’t voted yet, this is your Bard approved final ballot to point your way to where my tastes take me:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos brought to whimpering tears by Mason Brooks

Best Ring Match: Tag Team Torture 17 – Dumont/Baynard v Reno/Walsh

Best Debut: Ty Alexander

Top Babyface: Denny Cartier

Best Squash: Jobberpaloozer 13 – Austin Cooper v Leo Tomasi

Best Submissions in One Match: Wet & Wild 7 – Trey Dixon’s face-to-crotch headscissors on Mason Brooks

Top Heel: Guido Genatto

Top Jobber: Drake “damn-it-I’m-not-a-JOBBER!” Marcos

Hottest Liplock: Babyface Brawl X – Drake Marcos v Ty Alexander (aka, the homoerotic jobber wonder twins)

Best Overall Match of 2014: Pain & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos sniveling and choking like a jobber punk beneath Mason Brooks

And the nominees are…

The polls close Sunday at midnight (EST, I’m guessing), so don’t contemplate your votes for the Best of BG East in 2014 too long. If you haven’t submitted your votes yet, consider this your voter’s guide with only a tad bit of electioneering to keep it saucy.  Today, let’s take a look at a couple more categories.  First up, best ring match.

zmanring
Best Body 2013 winner Z-Man doesn’t take kindly to Kip Sorell trying to outshine him. Ring Hunks 2 is the first match I remember Z-Man really telling the story, and he does an outstanding job of it. I’d go so far as to say his body part by body part dissection of Kip may have been exactly what kept the pretty boy out of contention in Best Body 2014. Drama, beauty, suffering… could this be best ring match?
tagteamring
Comparing tag team matches to singles is apples to oranges, but I’m extremely happy to see Tag Team 17 show up in the polls somewhere. 4 of the finest specimens of wrestling muscle, 3 rocking debuts, and my perennial favorite Lon Dumont working his magic… that’s a strong case for best ring match!
jakering
Demolition 17’s Genatto v Jenkins match shows up both as an option for best ring match and best squash. Guido obliterates the young stallion. Fucking brutal as hell. Incredible feats of strength, flexibility, endurance, and pro quality talent. Total contender.
jobering
Ringwars 23 features Jobe Zander getting everything he’s dishing out and more from Peter Owens. Call yourself “the centerpiece” and you should come to expect the laser scope trained on your mammoth member. Vile, vicious, dizzyingly brutal.
alexiring
Fans salivate at the sight of Alexi Adamov, so his Ringwars 22 match with Scott Starr has got to be in the running. Although he’s always dangerous, Alexi is regularly in jeopardy, which keeps so many tuning in to see Sexy Alexi face the music. And against pro stud Scott Starr (no bulge nomination!?), this is fast, furious, and muscle magnificent. 

I’ve got to punch my hanging chad for Tag Team Torture 17, because 4 magnificent specimens of wrestling meat beat 2 about 99 out of 100 times for me (it’s all about math). 3 debuts and every fucking one of them is absolutely on point and golden? That’s a work of art, and add Lon Dumont’s snarls and flexes, and I’m done for.  I suspect I may out of the mainstream, and if so, I’m expecting to see Z-Man/Sorell or Guido/JJ own the plurality. The dark horse odds defier I think has to be Jobe/Peter. Jobe’s crotch has its own clamoring fan base, though…

Next for today, I want to muse a bit on one of my favorite categories, Best Debut. I love fresh blood, the suspense of new faces, who will they be, what will they sound like, can they fucking wrestle?  There were outstanding newbies hitting the scene this year, so let’s take a look at the nominees.

caldebut
Cal Bennett is here in his 3rd category after appearing in exactly 1 late season match. That’s got to say something. His gargantuan biceps and ripped torso say a lot as well, as does his baby blue eyes. He’s definitely made the most of that one match, though he got steam rolled like a pancake by Chace LaChance. Fans clearly responded, however, which I’d argue is the essence of what makes for a debut of the year.
Tydebut
If the standard is going from 0 to 60 in record time, however, it’s hard not to give a long, lingering look at Ty Alexander. Unlike some of the other contenders, Ty not only debuted in 2014, he went on to be featured in 5 releases, including one single match release. Ty works social media, and between that and his bubble butt, he’s generated a tidal wave of fan support.
kirkdebut
Another late season debut with just one match under his belt is “don’t discount my ass” Kirk Donahue. True enough, the freckle faced stud came on like a house on fire in his demolition at the hands of Guido, making my crotch groan to watch him, literally, attempt to flee the ring crying in terror. He took punishment for about 4 men and sucked it down like java. I expect major things in 2015, but did he do enough in 2014?
richiedebut
Richie Douglas has come on extremely strong since debuting earlier this year. 2 matches in 2014 and already in the first 2015 catalog, the babyface boy scout is ripped to shreds and a punishment sponge. He’s innocence aching to be spoiled which is a compelling character to already own in your debut year.
zachdebut
Zach Reno (left in this picture) is another hunk who got tongues a wagging after just one appearance, namely in Tag Team Torture 17. The curly-haired bearded beauty impressed a ton of fans, helping to make TTT17 such an outstanding release. He’s got a distinct, sexy ass look, power, speed, and a jock-takes-on-homoerotic-wrestling character in place.

Another tough, tough category. I’m partial to the nominees that demonstrate some depth, so although a couple of these studs could easily be major players after a couple more matches, I lean squarely toward punching my ticket for either Ty or Richie. I’d be happy to settle the close call with a rip ‘n’ strip match between the two of them to determine the winner of my vote, but short of that, I’ve got to say Ty Alexander has done more in his debut year with BG East than almost anyone I can remember. You’ve got to go back to Eli Black to really see quite the same momentum so soon. I’m sorry not to see another slightly more experienced newbie like Kayden Keller on the ticket, and I’m suspicious as to whether Cal’s dazzling beauty (if not stellar wrestling) may attract the masses. Even though he’s my number 2, I think Richie is the dark horse long shot bet here to consider. Not a ton of buzz, but a solid wrestler, luscious body, and that rare combo of adolescent face on a hot, hard, mature man’s body.

So the Bard-approved ballot stands now this way:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Match: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos beat like a bitch by Mason Brooks

And the nominees are…

The link the the Best of BG East voting disappeared from the BG East homepage, but I swear I saw that you had until Sunday at midnight to cast your ballots.  Hopefully, if you’re still undecided, you still have time.  And hopefully I can offer this voter’s guide and my personal take on the field in a few more categories.  Let’s start today taking a look at the hotly contested and highly controversial Best Body nominees. What makes for “Best Body” has got to be even more subjective than what we evaluate as best body part by body part. Me, I like all sorts of bodies, but when I think “best” I think superior fitness, muscle mass, proportion, symmetry, balance, and that most subjective of them all, beauty.  Here are the contenders for Best Body at BG East in 2014.

kkbody
I’ve been explicitly campaigning for months for Kid Karisma to take the title this year, because, fuck, look! All those qualifiers I mention above as my personal criteria are summed up right here in my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler. He’s also making a play for a Best Butt 3-peat, and I’m slightly aghast that he didn’t get a nomination for Best Abs.
Chacebody
For those who like them brawnier, burlier, hairier and with tweezed eyebrows, Chace LaChance is certain to make a strong showing. Interestingly he’s not a nominee for best butt, bulge or abs, but as a total package, he got the nod to join the field.
zmanbody
Also Best Abs nominee Z-Man took the Best Body title last year, after going down to Rio Garza in 2012. I’ll say it again, Z-Man must have an aging portrait of himself in the attic somewhere, because he’s perpetually gorgeous and in top shape.
Calbody
Cal Bennett’s insurgency into the Best Abs and Best Body categories this year is ballsy and stunnning. He’s appeared in exactly 1 product thus far at BG East, but that was enough to get his liberally inked, stunning physique a nod for Best Bod. See my comments from a couple days ago about his body, honey, and my tongue.
coopbody
Goldenboy Austin Cooper (or Dr. Cooper, depending on the day) is dazzlingly beautiful, proportioned, balanced. That pretty face could possibly distract even his die hard fans from fully appreciating the top contender quality of that body. But probably not.

I haven’t been coy about saying for months Kid Karisma’s phenomenal fitness and picture perfect physique deserve the title of Best Body this year. The total package from top to bottom, front to back, in my opinion. I expect Z-Man to be making the strongest play to be at the head of this pack, possibly with Coop making a dark horse late run. If Cal pulls this out, I’m calling it a major upset and a huge bullseye painted on his finely muscled ass if he ever dares to step foot in the ring with any of his more seasoned and tested contenders.

Now let’s look at some of the match Besties. Selecting a photo to highlight a nominee’s claim to take the title for best-of-match categories is daunting.  What single still frame captures a claim to make an entire match sexiest, or best on the mats? With humility, I’ve attempted to present some of what I think are the best claims for the following two categories, starting with Sexiest Match of 2014.

rookssexy
Cumming out of the gate hot and hard are Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander in their tandem debut in Raunchy Rookies 7. I think it says something significant to have a double debut be featured in the sexiest match contenders. RR7 burned it up, and win, lose or draw, I have to believe there are many more Bestie nominations heading both Kayden and Ty’s way.
drakesexy
I admit to being slightly surprised to see X-Fights 38’s Drake Marcos v LJL and not see Drake and Ty’s Babyface Brawl X in this category. Nevertheless, Drake and LJL were two of the sexiest X-fighters at BGE this year, and their 38 fight was fucking mean and nasty. They hated each other start to finish, which makes it just that much sexier to see how prominently sexual domination became the story.
militarysexy
Military Muscle 2 is another surprise entry here, as far as I’m concerned. Not because I didn’t think it was scorchingly sexy, but because it was far less sexually explicit than other matches that weren’t nominated. That said, MM2 demonstrates that a match doesn’t need to include cock-sucking in order to be blindingly sexy, and rookie Zion Brown’s gasping adoration of Kid Karisma is convincing and compelling.
painsexy
Pasion & Punishment 1 was the first time I sat up and took notice of Trey Dixon. His pairing here with Skrapper is nothing short of epic. Their confrontation is spilling over with raw, balls to the walls lust from the start, and the sexual tension makes my hard drive melt (seriously, I had to buy a new computer). I had to go back and verify that these two didn’t actually fuck on camera, because the sexual aggression is so damn explicit.
darksexy
Dark Knights 11 with Steven Ponce and Ray Dalton is clearly the choice for muscle fetish leather daddies and their stubborn boys. I’m regretting that Dark Knights 12 wasn’t the DK entry in this category, but it’s not hard to see why nominators gave Ray and Steven the nod here.

This category is a major struggle for me to settle on. My blogger v wrestler match with Drake was not nominated, and of course, other than my personal photographs of Drake’s post-match humiliation, you would be hard pressed to be able to make an informed vote our direction (though, take my word for it, it was sexy).  So just looking at those that were nominated, personally, I’m completely torn between Raunchy Rookies 7, X-Fights 38, and Passion & Punishment 1. I know that there are wrestling fans out there that don’t like Skrapper, so I’m guessing Passion & Punishment may be a long shot, but at the end of the day, that’s where my vote goes. I’m also guessing it will be either Raunchy Rookies or X-Fights 38 that may be where the majority goes this time, which I will totally understand. Dark horse in this field I think is Dark Knights 11. I didn’t see a ton of buzz about it, but if the muscle fetish leather daddies snap the collars on all their boys, they’ll double their vote quickly and, potentially swing this their way.

Finally for today I’m taking a look at the Best Mat Battle nominees. This is another extremely tough slate to choose from, but you don’t pay me to dither.  Wait, you don’t pay me at all!  Oh well, onward and upward…

cammat
Submissions 9 with Cameron Matthews grappling with LJL has got to be a front runner in this category. Cam and LJL are major league mat tacticians, and that and about 2 gallons of sweat and some smoldering bitterness make Sub 9 insanely aggressive and the stuff that no one other than a contortionist should try.
drakemat
Passion & Punishment’s match with Drake Marcos and Mason Brooks makes a compelling argument. Two big egos enter the mat room, but one of them crawls on his belly out of the mat room having been actually tagged with a permanent marker to remind him what a consummate jobber he is. As much as I love watching Drake suffer, even I was worried at times in this match that the philosopher king Mason was going to literally break him… which makes a strong case for Best Mat Battle.
masonmat
But then the drama ensues in the Academy, as Mason is going up against himself in this category, also getting the nod for his work against Skrapper in Undagear 22. These are two of the fiercest mat boys on the books right now, and neither of them is going to concede to losing while conscious. Then again, there’s that anti-Skrapper faction out there.
damienmat
I was only slightly shocked to see Damien Rush and Joah Bindao’s Undagear 21 bout appear in this category. Shocked because I don’t think of it as cream of the crop mat work, but only slightly because Damien Rush getting schooled by a petite muscleman acrobat is always going to get attention. I loved the back and forth in this match. Lots of suspense and bruised egos.
kidmat
But if you’re jonesin’ for bruised egos, I’m guessing your choice very well may be Undagear 22’s match between Ray Naylor and Kid Karisma. Ray fucking HATES Kid K, and you get the impression he hates himself just a little for being unable to resist stroking Kid K’s luscious muscles (see my arguments for his Best Body claim). These two put the hurt on each other big time, and you know it was a special match when Kid K treats the loser to a free strip show after all is said and done.
jakemat
As long as Jake Jenkins is wrestling, I predict he will have at least one nomination in the Best Mat Battle category. He’s typically the master of the mats, but he bites off more than he can chew in Gazebo Grapplers 16, facing down big, beautiful newbie Carter Alexander. The outcome of this match is in question to the bitter end, and that end has got to be described as a stunning upset, so little wonder this shows up as a Best Mat Battle nominee.

Fuck, this is another hard choice.  My vote, for what it’s worth, is going to Passion & Punishment’s Drake Marcos versus Mason Brooks. It was that match, and the 3-way interview I conducted with Mason and Drake that ultimately got the whole ball rolling to eventually find myself shutting Drake up with his trunks stuffed down his throat this past Fall. It’s also sweet drama, and watching Mason pick Drake apart, humiliate him worse and worse, strip him naked and leave his indelible mark clearly ignited a ton of fantasy’s-cum-true in me. I’m thinking the favorites in this category may be Cameron and LJL, though, possibly with Ray and Kid K being the dark horse here able deliver an upset.

If you haven’t finished your ballot yet, here’s what the Bard-approved slate of choices looks like:

Best Abs: Lon Dumont

Best Bulge: Pete Sharp

Best Butt: Kid Karisma

Best Body: Kid Karisma

Sexiest Match: Passion &  Punishment 1 – Trey Dixon v Skrapper

Best Mat Battle: Passion & Punishment 1 – Drake Marcos gets owned by Mason Brooks

Just Wrestle

This will surprise no one, but I begin today’s post with the premise that I like male bodies.  A lot.  I like them in a variety of incarnations, proportions, hues, and composition. There are certainly specific male bodies that I don’t like, but the collection of bodies that fall into the “like” category are varied.

wrestle
Produced by Greenwood/Cooper, Director Tom Kurthy, released 1994

Early in my exploration of the homoerotic wrestling universe (that sort of makes me feel like Captain Kirk), I found the Greenwood/Cooper produced video “Wrestle” in my enlightened “home video store” (wow, now I’m feeling old).  I felt rather daring picking it up off the shelf and paying to rent the provocative VHS based on the promotional jacket.

wrestle2

The product description on the back reads, “Competition wrestlers, pitted against each other in combat, strain their tight, sinewy, well-muscled bodies and their indomitable wills to bring you an experience of unequaled beauty and force.”  Uh, yeah.  This was at a time when I was a lot more cautious about outing myself, but there was no way I wasn’t going to slap down $3 to study this work of art for every second of the 3 day rental.  I’m pretty sure I skipped at least a couple of my graduate school classes to get every penny’s worth out of “Wrestle.”  It was soft core, set in and beside Roman baths. The wrestlers were young and gorgeous. As I remember, the wrestling pairs started in posing straps or towels wrapped around their waists, but most of the action was entirely naked, presenting for anyone who appreciates the male body 6 spectacular specimens entirely unadorned and videographed in intimate, up close detail. The combat was highly stylized, severely restricted by tile mosaic floors. It came across to me like perfectly pitched performance art, presenting my deepest fantasies in fantastical and inciting beauty.

wrestle3

I strongly suspect that were I to set down with “Wrestle” again, I wouldn’t be nearly as awed as I was in those early days.  My homoerotic wrestling library needs a new wing built onto my home these days, and the novelty that made me dizzy in soaking in “Wrestle” many years ago just isn’t as compelling for me today, in and of itself.  Then I again, whether or not it’s the nostalgia talking, I think I may try to track it down again, if for no other reason than sometimes what I really, really want to watch is two beautiful, powerful, entirely naked male bodies locked in combat.  And surprisingly, considering the size of my library, it isn’t always easy to find.

nklandon
Landon Conrad wrestles naked with Alex Adams at Naked Kombat.

I think Naked Kombat comes closest to stoking that nostalgia I feel as I think about my experience of discovering “Wrestle.” When the NK pornboys finally rip each other’s gear off and go to town entirely naked, there’s a depth of intimacy and vulnerability that makes the physical combat that much more captivating as a spectator.  Naked Kombat is hardcore, however, and the artistry and beauty so appropriately named in the product description of “Wrestle” take a back seat (or perhaps just tenuously being towed along in a trailer far behind) to the sex and fury.  Not that I don’t get off on NK sex and fury frequently.  But NK is a different breed than “Wrestle.”

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Z-Man and Jake Jenkins are homoerotic wrestling art.

Some homoerotic wrestling producers manage to capture the “beauty and force” that “Wrestle” managed, but steer clear of the daring genre of pitting their wrestlers against one another naked.  Rock Hard Wrestling, Movimus, and Thunder’s Arena come to mind, playing on the relative innocence and innuendo of old school soft core like “Wrestle.”  Thunder’s is playful and specializes in beautiful muscle, but their playfulness and tongue-in-cheek score low on the earnestness meter. RHW’s commitment to video production quality makes me think more of the earnestness of the camera angles in “Wrestle.”  Both “Wrestle” director Kurthy and the production crew at RHW clearly have a commitment to artistically document the living sculpture that is beautiful male bodies grappling. But a full 20 years after “Wrestle” was produced, RHW does so with a more demure tack, letting the homoeroticism be conveyed primarily by the viewing eyes, and not stepping into the hetero-iconoclastic territory of full-on naked bodies.

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Brian Bodine and Rusty Stevens briefly grapple naked in their full-throttle Arena match to see who gets fucked.

Can-Am and BG East both feature naked wrestlers, and again, both get my engine running hot. However, neither of the big boys in the business tweak that nostalgia (or stroke the still valid sweet spot) that “Wrestle” did.  Like NK, Can-Am tends to cast pornboys, and the naked chapter of the combat is too often all too briefly sandwiched between geared wrestling and the post-match fucking. Some of Can-Am’s Arena series featured the wrestlers in naked falls, but even as satisfying as it is, for example, watching Rusty Stevens and Aryx Quinn crushing one another nude, the surprisingly brief moment between combat and full throttle sexual content is simply a different animal than the hour or so of pure and simple naked wrestling in “Wrestle.”

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Gear Wars 4 briefly turns naked wrestling for Skip Vance and Trey Dixon.

BG East is always right in my wheelhouse for their earnestness, but theirs is an earnestness about the integrity of wrestling itself.  “Wrestle” advertises as “competition wrestler pitted against each other in combat,” but BG East much more legitimately owns the current scene with regard to experienced, accomplished, enthusiastic wrestlers in their matches than just about anyone else producing (Cameron Matthews is making a strong play for that market lately, however).  But I’m hard pressed to think of a BG East match that simply lets two “well-muscled bodies” wrestle naked for very long. In the new release, Gear Fetish 4, Skip Vance and Trey Dixon (current homoerotic wrestler of the month for this match) slowly trade for skimpier and skimpier gear until the last fall is fully naked. But that last fall lasts, what, 45 seconds?  Not that I can blame the boys for being clearly driven to distraction by the full throttle fetish arousal they’d worked up to a lather by that point, but it’s not a “naked wrestling” product, in the sense I’m musing on today.

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MDW is teasing naked bodybuilder wrestling in upcoming Oil Hunks 4, featuring full monty Specimen and Mutant.

Nakedness does appear more frequently at Muscle Domination Wrestling lately, and there’s a particularly enticing teaser of Thunder’s Arena bodybuilder alums Mutant and Specimen appearing to be about to wrestle entirely naked in the ring in their upcoming season.  MDW’s commitment to the narrative, though, along with a lower production quality than most of the producers today, makes me think that as surely as I will be pulling up a table to feast on naked bodybuilders grappling in Oil Hunks 4, it won’t quite tweak the “experience of unequaled beauty and force” that “Wrestle” did for me.

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The more I muse, the more I think that I’m caught by nostalgia. It may have been less about Greenwood/Cooper’s “Wrestle” itself, or the 6 hot hunks who starred in it, or the setting or camera angles or lighting, than it was about me, 20 years ago, in a different time and place, with a different perspective, exploring something new and titillating and dangerous and novel.  I’ll definitely have to find me a copy of “Wrestle” to sort this out.  Then again, if I saw this DVD cover in a store today, I’d snap it up for 20 times the price I rented it 20 years ago.

My Walk Down Memory Lane

Joe has already given the stamp of approval in his review of Thunders Arena’s “Bathroom Battle,” which Joe perhaps more evocatively dubs “Psycho Shower Scene.”  But I wanted to add an, “Amen, brother,” and tell you a few things that Joe didn’t mention, but grabbed my… attention.

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This shower isn’t big enough for these 4 mouthwatering pecs!

The whole scenario starts out shaky for me, because as soon as Big Sexy tries to bully Z-Man out of the bathroom mid-shave, Z-Man turns into the cat that ate the canary.  You, me, Joe, everyone has pointed out how that how shit-eating grin on Z-Man’s handsome face is both crotch warming and tends suck the air out of any suspension of disbelief a homoerotic wrestling scene requires. But there it is, irrepressible and adorable, but aggravating (me) as hell. Happily, Big Sexy merely turns up the heat and puts the beautiful Playgirl model in such jeopardy that there’s little time for any more grinning, just gasping and pleading and sputtering, trying not to drown.

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Thank you, Big Sexy, for wiping that grin right off of Z-Man’s pretty face!

Have I ever disclosed around here that I was once president of my fraternity?  It isn’t something that comes up in conversation often at this point in my life, but it’s true enough.  Bathroom Battle, as contrived and “bizarro” as Joe rightly describes it to be, somehow manages to convey an ironic authenticity about it as I stroll down memory lane with each outlandish, over the top hijink these two get up to.  I have cataloged in my mind, fondly, almost disturbingly similar scenes from my frat house days, as guys turned the bathroom (the chapter room, the hallways, the kitchen, whatever) into a pro-wrestling ring.  And just like in my frat house days, the shit goes from clowning to oh-fuck-you-didn’t-just-do-that in the blink of an eye.

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It’s all fun and games until…

The genre is executed well. I’m caught by surprise by how fully the boys manage to sell combat in what has to be one of the most work-unfriendly places to stage a rip and strip NHB wrestling match.  Seriously, if you work for OSHA, DO NOT go to ThunderTV and watch this, because I’m afraid, despite your obvious wrestling fetish, you will feel compelled to report this shit for about 50 workplace safety violations.  There are several points at which I’m holding my breath waiting to see one or both of these gorgeous hunks go down hard and break something internal as they impact the wet tiles of the bathroom floor.  Kudos to both of these high class veterans, however.  No one appears to have any lasting damage by the end… at least not any accidentally inflicted damage.

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As Joe points out, do NOT try this at home! Unless it’s my home…

The intentional damage these two pillars of the franchise inflict is oddly satisfying and deeply erotic to my eyes.  They both can’t seem to get enough of clawing the living hell out  of each other’s balls.  Z-Man even goes for a two-handed ball claw near the end, presumably because 1) it applies twice the pressure, and 2) what Big Sexy has stuffed down his trunks is more than one handful.  They quickly and unsolicitedly (is that a word?) peel each other out of their skin tight square cuts, and Z-Man’s undergear in particular is incredibly tiny.  I mean, that orange thong gets rolled up into what is essentially just a g-string in seconds and stays that way through most of the scene, giving Z-Man fans and ass fans some of the finest, wettest, most compromised looks at his lovely booty.  You won’t see the full monty, even though this is a bathroom battle, but there’s plenty of bare ass and glimpses of cocks and balls as their paper thin speedos stretch and strain at the edges.

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Big Sexy is sort of asking for it with that Grizzly Adams beard, isn’t he?

I like the innovation here, including Z-Man’s use of Big Sexy’s luxuriously bearded face to scrub the scum off of the shower glass.  Big Sexy hoisting the smaller hunk off his feet and onto the bathroom counter to finish the shave Z-Man was in the middle of at the beginning of the scene similarly warms my cockles for the commitment to tell a story, connect some dots, be present.

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Z-Man gets hoisted off his feet and whisker-burned across his gorgeous pecs, all on wet tile. This is a workplace safety nightmare!

It’s a well sold story, at that, and somehow the back and forth battle holds my attention, builds suspense, and feeds me regular thrills in wet, nearly naked hunk watching all at the same time. No more shit-eating grin, and Z-Man completely convinces me when he nearly wrenches Big Sexy’s balls off to take control of the big man, humiliate him, dominate him. “You’re a dirty dog, and this is Z-Man Grooming Services ©” Z-Man snarls, and in that over the top, I’m-being-clever-but-also-posturing-for-dominance way, he sells it.  At least I buy it.

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This old school chicken wing looks like the early steps toward tantric sex to me. To hear Z-Man’s groans, it sounds like it, too!

The end of this match totally shocks me, and frankly, I’m not easily shocked.  Z-Man does his best Dick Cheney impression on his opponent whose facial hair bears more than passing resemblance to that of an observant Muslim, and damn it all if I’m not slack jawed, offended, and wildly turned on all at the same time.

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Too soon?

The water boarding is pure balls, as far as I’m concerned, and depending on your politics and proximity to military intelligence assets, you may either get way, way pissed off by how this all plays out, or like me, you may find enough time has passed to make water boarding available for eroticizing.  Either way, I’m left feeling exhausted, de-hydrated, and in need of a long, hard shower.  Who’s coming over to fight for the soap?

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Two of the finest asses not even close to being fully covered in soaked, transparent undergear.

Oh, and there’s towel slapping.  That probably sells the authentic frat house romp gone way too serious more than anything.  Z-Man’s hot, juicy ass getting snapped with a wet towel.  Oh, those were the days…

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At this point in the battle, that shit-eating grin makes total sense.

OTK

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The erotic art of an OTK backbreaker. Dirk Shannon and Peter Genelli are stunningly poised in this moment of total control from Canadian Musclehunks 8.

I recently commented that I’d trade most gay porn sex scenes for a mouthwatering over the knee backbreaker any day. This isn’t indicative of how I feel about sex, per se. I was pointing out that it’s the typical woodenness (not the good kind) and scriptedness of hardcore porn that I find less than fulfilling. However, it is indeed indicative of how I react to homoerotic wrestling, even when it’s sold with a pretty transparent script, and truth be told, the OTK backbreaker in particular works me every time. Even a poorly sold OTK makes my heart beat faster. But a truly exquisite OTK is a work of art that captures the essence of eroticism, domination, and combat that jerk my libido hard.  When I think of the OTK backbreakers that have stuck with me, seared into my memory and making my pulse pound even in retrospect, here are few of the G-rated (well, let’s say PG-rated just for the extra prudish out there) examples that I’ve filed away for safe keeping and frequent consulting.

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From my first BG East crush, Fantasymen 18, Brad Rochelle bends like a gymnast and Jeff Phoenix exploits that flexibility beautifully.
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Kid Vicious never fails to make the most of an OTK, bringing gorgeously aroused Derek Da Silva to the edge of ecstasy and agony at the very same moment in Ball Bash 1.
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Darius is the classic muscleman laid bare as Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) digs deep in Ringwars 16.
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Vile Morgan Cruise uses Skip Vance’s lower leg to torture his boyfriend in a leg lock while simultaneously breaking Skip across his thigh in Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown.
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To of the finest bodies locked together in a beautiful display of muscle, balance, and flexibility as Tyrell Tomsen brutalizes Z-Man in Wrestle Revenge.
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Simply gorgeous. Massively muscled Ted Shipp takes exquisitely sexy Beau Hopkins and stretches lays him out like a Thanksgiving feast in Canadian Musclehunks 6.

The Defending Champ

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The Portrait of Z-Man.

Early on in his tenure with BG East, Z-Man was pretty much a cheap buffet. Anyone with a hankering to chew on him a while was stepping up, picking him apart, and serving him cold. He’s come a long way since then, and an even longer way from his even earlier start at Thunder’s Arena. Victory is far from assured when facing down Z-Man these days. There’s a welcome suspense, as he pushes opponents to their limits and firmly stakes out his ground as much more than a pretty face. One thing that hasn’t changed one iota is that ridiculously sexy body of his.  There’s clearly a portrait of him aging in an attic somewhere, because Z-Man is supernaturally and unwaveringly perfected across his entire storied career. It’s little wonder that BG East fans gave credit where abundantly due and awarded him Best Body of 2013. His conditioning is astonishing in both power and aesthetics.

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Kip Sorell for your consideration for Best Body.

What of that description can’t be said about relative newcomer Kip Sorell, though?  True, Kip is still at that early stage in his career when he’s getting his muscled ass handed to him unfailingly, but truth be told, he’s probably on par with Z-Man’s aptitude at the same point in his career.  If anything, Kip’s boyish face could possibly be even a shade more leading-man quality. His skin tone is a perpetually, lusciously dark mocha compared to Z-Man’s silky smooth latte. Without taking an ounce of respect from Z-Man, an objective observer could very well honestly be persuaded that Kip is sporting a percentage less body fat, displaying his phenomenal physique with crystal clarity and severe cuts compared to Z-Man’s more graceful curves. But there’s certainly one thing that describes Z-Man that simply doesn’t apply to Kip: Kip has never been voted Best Body by BG East fans.

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The pose off is highly contested, but it’s hard to argue with those deeply sculpted, tanned abs of Kip.

So the narrative pretty much writes itself when Z-Man and Kip come pec to pec in Ring Hunks 2.  They both are in awe of the sight of their own bodies flexing back at them in the mirror.  They’re both firmly convinced of their physical superiority in power and proportion, body part by body part. They’re both supremely stunning, gorgeous specimen’s of physical conditioning and muscle aesthetics. There’s no way that these two egos, so deservingly fed by encountering few as perfected as they, were going to wrestle for anything other than bragging rights for whose body is truly best.

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Whose bicep bulges biggest?

It’s all about competition.  When the pose off leaves both studs declaring contested victory, they turn to more objective measures.  The fastest to 10 push up contest ends in a draw, so they stretch out their fine bodies in the middle of the ring for an old fashioned arm wrestling match. To Z-Man’s shock, Kip wins.  Fiercely, Z-Man demands a best 2 out of 3.  Ego swollen as massively as his muscles, Kip smirks and agrees. The formula of strength and endurance swings Z-Man’s way for the 2nd fall.  Now both boys have egos both bruised and stroked.  Fall 3 decides it, and the decision is Kip’s! He knew his “functional strength” was superior all along. Z-Man flies into a rage all over the younger stud’s stunning bod.

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Let’s start with those vaunted abs…

I admit to deeply enjoying Z-Man in the driver’s seat. Now that he’s (mostly) gotten that shit-eating grin under control, he’s amazing to watch suck down the moment with everything he’s got. It’s his idea to revisit the body part by body part comparison that they’d contested during the pose off, and systematically, muscle by muscle, destroy Kip.  He starts with the abs. I had to agree with Kip that his dark tan gave him a definite edge in core definition, but then again, I have to agree with Z-Man, once he’s down ripping, stomping, punching and all around annihilating Kip’s gut, that you can’t argue superior abdominals if you’re too wasted to even flex them.

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My advice to Kip for next time: open your eyes and grab hold!

Kip gets some licks in here and there, and I’m adamant in believing he’s GOT to develop his offense to move his wrestling career forward. He stuns Z-Man early on and rolls the Playgirl centerfold up, unforgivably closing his eyes with Z-Man’s bulging crotch trapped a couple inches from his face. I long to see Kip sell more danger, so seeing him controlling the veteran ever so briefly is promising. Even if Kip spends forever in jobberville, I’m a big proponent of everyone, even the most fated jobber, being able to sell that he “could” win, even if he never does.

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The lower back stop on the train to muscle destruction.

But this story is for the winner of the Best Body of 2013 to tell. Z-Man viciously wrenches a screeching submission with his claws dug deeply in his opponent’s gut. The pecs fall into focus, and lovely Kip’s chest looks like shredded beef with Z-Man tearing him apart muscle fiber by muscle fiber.  The pace and the impact pick up considerably when Z-Man targets Kip’s lower back. High flying slams and my favorite, over-the-knee backbreakers sell with authority the systematic destruction of Kip’s spine. Z-Man shows fans what they love when two muscle hunks wrestle, displaying Kip’s battered, dominated physique to perfection like serving up a gourmet entree. Kip suffers. Screams a little, which turns me on deep, deep down.

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Z-Man drives home his point while snapping Kip off at the knee.

Z-Man attacks the legs. Tortures the arms. As testimony to how far he’s come, I barely notice that he’s been driving he bus almost the entire way, maintaing focus and pace, controlling the narrative, pushing the story of Kip’s body part by body part destruction forward with a mature self-restraint that allows us to savor each and every moment.

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Z-Man gets in one last squeeze of all of that tenderized Grade A beef.

You can stick a fork in Kip well before Z-Man’s done with him, which is even more homoerotic in my mind. Z-Man toys with the outmatched kid. He seems to genuinely enjoy the feel of control and manipulation, driving Kip to the edge of terror and then letting him crawl back again. When Z-Man’s finally done with him, he hangs him outside the ring from the middle rope like soggy laundry.  Kip’s phenomenal physique is nothing but raw nerves now.  Z-Man tortures him a little more, but finally puts him out of his misery with a sleeper.   Still hanging there limply, Kip is subjected to a rematch of that pre-match pose off.  Z-Man flexes and then compares. Kip isn’t anywhere near consciousness, much less flexing his hot muscles, so no one is left to argue that Z-Man’s muscles are bigger, more beautiful, and unarguably more deserving of BG East’s Best Body honor.

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Who’s biceps are bulging biggest now, bitch!?

This is one hot, sexy match between two of the most honed physiques currently competing in homoerotic wrestling anywhere. There’s character development and drama. If we lined up Z-Man fans and Kip Sorell fans in a row, the wait list for a copy of this match would surely stretch from the BG East mothership outside of Boston to BG East South (where this was taped) in Florida.

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These have got to be two of the frontrunners for 2014 Best Body!

But when it comes to the nominees for Best Body of 2014, will it still be Z-Man on top?  Will 2012 winner Rio Garza come back to rip the title back from Z-Man’s hands?  Or will one of the other stunningly hot bodies populating BG East put Z-Man in his place, kneeling at the feet of some other specimen of overall physical perfection?

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But if Best Body is won by decimating your opponent’s physique, Z-Man has some ghosts to face down still.

Sorting Out Asses and Dicks

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I’m on the record as a big fan of asses and dicks.

When I think about how I present myself online, I think about this blog.  The depths of my confessionals in the well over 1,000 posts I’ve composed over the past 5 years pretty much leave me feeling naked (and hungry).  So when someone approaches me in a different online format, who has clearly never read the pages of this blog, it’s always a little disorienting.  “You into wrestling?” someone asks on Facebook.  Seriously?  I mention BG East or Can-Am on Twitter and someone asks, “What’s BG East?”  Whaaaaa?

So today’s post explaining the do’s and don’t’s of chatting me up on Facebook and Twitter is probably pitched to the wrong audience (because, obviously, you’re reading this blog).  However, after several cease and desists and “unfriending” (aka, “fuck off, bitch”), I thought I’d just clarify how I manage who I am and how I socialize in the most misnamed technology in history: social media.  First of all, I am an unapologetic gay man.  If you try to strike up conversation or ask me to accept you as a  “friend,” but you appear to be presenting yourself as a straight man, into just women, with a total lack of style and a frequent use of homophobic slurs, I will ignore you.  Some of my closest friends are straight guys, mind you, but my quota of token straights in my life is filled at the moment.  Same goes for the boobulous women complementing me on my abs.  Wrong tree.

Now, an overt nod to wrestling in your profile or chatter is a major plus.  Assuming you’ve made it through the first round of exclusion criteria above, I almost universally acknowledge those who approach me with an explicit connection to wrestling.  The gay guys who approach me who seem to hold no fascination for wrestling tend to have about a 0.50 probability of me ignoring them.  Which side of that coin you fall on probably depends on whether I’m already inserting you into a wrestling fantasy of mine by looking at your profile photo.  Yeah, it’s all about me.

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The right type of ass.

Speaking of which, regular readers of this blog know well that I’m a major fan and booster of hot asses and succulent dicks.  Honestly, I’ve dragged you all along on quite a few rounds of “Name that Ass” and “Name that Cock,” so it should come as no surprise that I love asses and dicks.  I’m still planning a revival of the “Name that…” games at some point, because, let me repeat, I love asses and I love dicks.

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The extremely right type of ass!

That said, metaphorical asses and dicks frequently make it through my initial two rounds of exclusion criteria above, and then get my boot later on.  What qualifies one as a metaphorical ass who I don’t have time for?  Rabid, right wing, Tea Party, misogynist, internalized homophobic, guns in every hand but save fetuses at all costs, racist, anti-immigrant bullshit qualifies one instantly as the sort of ass that I have no time for.  That’s right.  You may be gay and a wrestling freak, but if you shove your politics in my face and I find them abhorrent, I’ve moved on.  I’m fine with you believing your wing-nuttery, but I’m not about to see it in my feed on a regular basis.

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The right type of dick.

What qualifies one as a metaphorical dick that I can’t stand?  There are a few signals to me that someone is a dick.  “Hey fucker, I’m going to beat your ass and you’re going to take it,” is a pick up line that does not work for me in the sphere of social media.  Buy me a couple of drinks, strip your rock hard body down to a jock strap, and serve up some sweet trash talk and sure, you’re back to being the sort of dick I love.  Come on way too strong and insist on dominating without a basis of consensual amiability, and you’re coming across to me as the sort of dick I don’t have time for.  Another signal of a distasteful dick is trashing people I care about and respect.  Bitchy take downs and critiques of the bodies of homoerotic wrestlers in the business, for example, merits a “see ya,” from me.  Thoughtful critiques of the homoerotic wrestling industry are lovely, but one-dimensional flaming of a particular company or product is just dickish.

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I repeat, I love dick. Not dickishness.

I don’t tend to respond much to “hey, stud, let’s cyber wrestle.” That doesn’t usually merit a delete from me, but I’ve said way too often that my dance card is full up at the moment.  It comes close, but typically doesn’t quite cross the line when someone asks to share pirated homoerotic wrestling products.  Again, if you read the pages of this blog, you know that I’m a big, big booster of the industry and want it to thrive and prosper.  Intentionally pirating copyrighted material is awfully damn close to dickishness that I don’t have time for.  You probably won’t get deleted, but I’ll try to pretend you didn’t just ask me that.

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Always room for more of the right type of ass.

Want to chat about your favorite homoerotic wrestler?  Want to comment on dicks and asses (the good kind)?  Want to steer me to a new company or product because you’re fucking love it to pieces and think I will too?  Let’s virtually socialize!  Care to offer a different opinion or take me to task because you think I’ve missed some essential hotness in my meanderings and musings?  Love it.  Be classy, gay, and within the brotherhood of homoerotic wrestling fans, and let’s connect.  The other type of asses and dicks, keep moving.

Throwback Thursday

Never one to fail to jump on a bandwagon, my thoughts this Thursday are turned backward for a “Throwback Thursday” life review. As I approach the 5th anniversary (!!!?) of neverland, it strikes me often how time can be warped in my memory as I reflect on what I’ve posted here over the years. Some things I swear that I’ve harped on over and over, but when I do a systematic search, I discover I’ve perhaps mentioned just once in passing. Some things I think I’ve never, ever said, I discover (not infrequently pointed out by a reader) I’ve most definitely put into print.  So today is a trip down memory lane, digging like a geologist into the strata of the years to consider what March 20 has meant in the life of neverland.

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RHW came along less than a year after neverland.

My first March 20th post was 4 years ago today, and I was remarking on the still nascent offerings of Rock Hard Wrestling.  Specifically, I reviewed RHW’s double match release of Brody Hancock v Cameron Davis as a double-header along with Brody & Shawn Lawson double-teaming (does that make it a quadruple-header?) imminently deserving Zack Johnathan. Back than I was full of critique and advice, probably a little too heavy handed with the wisdom. Time has taught me a little more humility, I think. I hope. In any case, I still say Brody’s double-layered trunks (does that make it an octuple-header?) was a buzz kill and wrestling for gay eyes should use at least 1/3 less fabric in constructing ring gear than straight-up mainstream pro.  I haven’t posted on RHW in a while, after covering their releases pretty extensively years ago.  Not sure why.

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I could stare at Tyrell Tomsen’s ass for weeks at a time!

A year leader, in 2011 I was playing Name That Ass, a game that I probably found a lot more fun that readers did. Then again, some of you played along, and even Queer Me Now covered the genre.  And seriously now, what’s not to love about studying in exquisite detail finely crafted homoerotic wrestling asses?  The asses teased in that March 20th post were, in order, Tyrell Tomsen, multiple best butt award winner Kid Karisma, Mark Wolff, John Magnum, and Coupe. No one posted a perfect score in that round.  Perhaps I need to pull Name That Ass out of mothballs to give you more practice.

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The metamorphosed Charlie Panther.

March 20, 2012 was a Bodies-Over-Time focus on the stunningly evolving body of BG East’s Charlie Panther. I’d just seen his newest release at the time, absolutely defining a squash against Tim Messina in Pros in Private 9 and earning the homoerotic wrestler of the month title around these parts. Homoerotic wrestlers of the month have continued to be a theme since I started handing them out, and Charlie was a most excellent entry into the HWOTM hall of fame. At some point, I should do some soul searching about what subsequent HWOTM say about me and my evolving/stagnating tastes.

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These could easily become the most trusted, not to mention gargantuan biceps in news!

Interestingly, last year on this date, I didn’t post at all. This was in the middle of a several-week drought, which happens not too infrequently around these parts.  The nearest post was the day before, when I was resurrecting a theme that has possessed these pages since THE VERY BEGINNING, namely, Chris Cuomo and the need for more hotly muscled skin in the news. Specifically, I was extremely excited by the prospect of massively muscled Latino pretty boy Gio Benitez joining the reporting pool at GMA. GMA has yet to truly capitalize on the sheer magnetism of Gio’s mammoth pecs, but I still get a little giddy when I see him on air.  I’m quite certain you will continue to read more about my ongoing obsession with new hunks.

It’s an interesting core sampling of what has made neverland hold my attention over the years, looking back at this date in history. Some things change. Some things stay the same (including periods of radio silence as life distracts me from what’s really important, homoerotic wrestling). And, as always, I just follow my fanaticism for the homoeroticism of wrestling where it takes me.

Best of 2013

While I ran with the herd for many of BG East’s 2013 Best ofs, I was on my own for most of the categories. That works for me. I’m on the record many times over celebrating diverse tastes among homoerotic wrestling fans. If we were all getting our cranks turned by the exact same products, what a narrower and less vibrant scene this would be! That said, I want to tip my hat to the winners as well as make my final case for my picks that didn’t materialize.  Here are a few…

jake

It was Jake Jenkins who, for the second year running, owned Babyface of the Year for 2013. Jake is one of the most earnest, hottest, hardest hunks in the business, so it’s no wonder at all he gets this award another go round. I, however, had to reluctantly turn my back on Jake when I cast my ballot for…

brad

… the paradigmatic babyface, Brad Rochelle.  I tell you, the earth fucking shook when Brad stormed back into the ring in catalog 100! He’s not as fresh or young as Jake, but I’ll be damned if watching Brad work his magic in three separate matches (that’s 4 opponents… 5 if you count some sucker punches by Jonny!) reminded me hard why he is THE star of so many of my fondest homoerotic wrestling fantasies.  Sure, I’ll give you, there may have been a smidge of nostalgia in my vote, but when I look back on the babyface that will define 2013 for me, it’s got to be Brad.

jonny

You, the majority, selected Jonny Firestorm as Heel of the Year 2nd year in a row. I do not quibble about this in the least. Jonny is, day in and day out, catalog after catalog, the most dominant presence of punishment at BG East. Incredibly sexy and dangerous, he’s an ideal top heel.  I totally agree, except…

vicious

… when it comes to the perfect combination of bone chilling terrifying and blood pumping supercharged erotic, I’ll always break toward the one who is so vicious it’s in his name. Kid Vicious is always at the top of my list when it comes to brutality and pitch-perfect erotic domination.

riogarza

The majority broke for Rio Garza as Jobber of the Year for the second year running.  Again, I do not quibble with Rio’s supreme beauty, nor his epic qualifications for this title. When it comes to sheer beauty amplified by being crushed, there’s no one more beautiful or crushable. However…

z-man

… looking only at their 2013 releases, I have to say, Z-Man crushed it when it came to getting crushed, at least for me. He’s come such a long way, and honestly, the mystique of “maybe this time” sticks to him like rubber cement, making me tune in over and over to see if he sells suffering on that steadily rising learning curve he’s been on once again.  No disrespect to Rio at all, but I’m totally convinced that Z-Man was top jobber this year.

joshua

I freely admit that I shocked myself by NOT voting for the eventual winner (2nd year in a row) for Best Bulge, Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!).  Mr. Joshua’s mammoth package is hard to argue with, though I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to give it a severe tongue lashing. It’s like a third wrestler in the ring, anytime he shows up for work. I’ve been going on and on about Mr. Joshua’s oversized baggage for years, but…

sharp

… I was absolutely hypnotized by the humungous produce stuffed down Pretty Pete Sharp’s trunks in his gazebo bout with Kid Karisma. I won’t be satisfied until I see these boys side by side, cock by cock, balls by balls, with a measuring stick in my hand and their trunks at their ankles, of course. But talk about presence! Kid K was literally having to wrestle around that gargantuan bulge (because clearly Pretty Pete has a contract rider that requires the boys to keep their hands off… for now…).  There are no trunks built that can entirely cover Pretty Pete’s bulge entirely, not when the action gets nice and intense.  I say it again, I’m shocked to say I didn’t vote for Mr. Joshua, but I stand by my opinion that Pretty Pete’s bulge was most impressive in 2013.

z-man2

Best Body is, I think, the second toughest call to make in this poll. And I don’t begrudge Z-Man one bit for winning, particularly since he didn’t get Jobber of the Year. It’s been said by better men than me that Z-Man’s consistent, phenomenal conditioning is superhuman. Day after day, this stunning stud shows up ripped and gorgeous. He unseated last year’s winner Rio Garza, and I wouldn’t criticize the taste of anyone who thought he was top bod in 2013. But for me…

karisma

Kid Karisma was from front to back, top to bottom, the hottest body competing in 2013. Kid K’s thighs absolutely dwarf Z-Man’s, and although Z-Man’s bod is stunningly gorgeous, I have to say Kid K’s conditioning in 2013 was un-fucking-believable. There’s not an ounce of anything other than mouthwatering beautiful, rock hard muscles on this man. Of course he has the Best Butt. But body part by body part and in sum total, I was most moved by Kid Karisma as Best Body last year.

I’ll save the rest of my lone wolf picks, but for now, let me just say again how much I respect all the winners and runners- up. And let me remind you again that you have until the end of the month to get the winning matches at a 25% discount!