Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Anglophilia

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Some people report feeling as if they were born in the wrong era. I was born in the wrong country. I’ve said it before, and I’ll almost certainly say it again: my heart belongs to the UK. Well, perhaps not my heart. The politics there lately are looking more and more like they’ve torn pages out of the US Republican Party playbook. But they do have same-as-marriage civil unions. Much, much more importantly, as far as I’m concerned, they have fantastic eye-candy entertainment.

I’ve finished watching season 3 of Being Human, and I’ve put the box up on my shelf in a place of honor.  It illustrates why I wasn’t quite right in my first inclination that the American/Canadian version of Being Human was innovating on the original. It just turns out that the version this side of the pond was poaching concepts from the third season that I hadn’t yet seen. The pregnancy. The dog fights. The “old ones.” But one thing that the version over here simply can’t quite pull off is the priceless treasure that is Russell Tovey’s naked ass.

Truthfully, Russell is incredibly entertaining for more than his frequent nudity. He’s a fantastic actor with comedic timing that slays me constantly, especially when I least expect it. But equally as truthfully, if BBC ever decides that they can pull off a new season of Being Human without at least a couple scenes of Russell waking up in the morning after a full moon with a full moon, someone needs to slap them upside the head. My sense of loyalty made me ache for the climactic ending of season 3, but Russell is clearly on board should there be a season 4 (yes, please). However, should the American/Canadian version try the plot twist that is the season 3 jaw dropper from the BBC, hang it up, because the one thing that keeps me tuning into SyFy will have been lost.

But back to my Anglophile theme. In addition to feeling bitter that I have to wait for the most excellent BBC shows that I love more than ANYTHING on US basic cable, there’s mounting evidence that I was simply born in the wrong country. There’s adorable Ashley Ryder’s Grapple 101 that I am forced to miss every week due to being several thousand miles away. There’s Chris Geary’s go-go boys that never, ever show up at my local Pride parade. And then there’s Ben Cohen leading a flash mob of strippers across the Thames as a publicity stunt (thanks, AfterElton).

These things simply don’t happen where I live. We did see Ben cruise through these parts not long ago promoting his anti-homo-bullying campaign (you rock, Ben… just wish macho bullies over here had a clue what Rugby is). But we did not see him engage in public stripping.

If I ever do get to spend more substantial time in the UK (this is a possibility), I will insist on a few things. First, Ben Cohen must take off his clothes in public in front of me once a month, at a minimum. Second, Russell Tovey simply has to take me on a date to the Tate, where, if we see Ben Cohen stripping on the Millennium Bridge out front again, all the better. Third, I need a personal tutoring session from Ashley Ryder in the fine art of sock-wrestling. Fourth, Daniel Craig must emerge from the surf in those sensational square cuts (you know which one’s I’m talking about) every time I go to the beach.

These things happen all the time in the UK, right? Can I apply for some sort of reverse-immigration status that undoes what my ancestors did three generations ago?

Testimonials

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Naked Kombat’s Phenix Saint explains his plans in his pre-match interview this week. “My strategy is to get him with the speed and the agility, and I have the experience. And I’m going to use everything against him, and let him think he’s in control. And just when he thinks so, I’m going to…” Phenix snaps his fingers, “…flip it on him. Bam-bam-bam!” he mimes spanking his opponent’s ass. “And bam-bam-bam!” he illustrates three quick punches.”

It’s the “bam-bam-bams” that spike my wrestling kink! Fight dialogue (before, during, after) exponentiates the erotic in homoerotic wrestling, for my tastes. You’ve heard this from me before, many times. Everything about homoerotic wrestling works on me, but what comes out of a wrestler’s mouth can be a turbo boost to the already fantastic formula of hot bodies, skimpy gear, sexy swagger and intimately dominating physical combat. The testimonial is a particularly entertaining vehicle for highly eroticized wrestling text. Naked Kombat plays this up in every match, requiring that wrestlers stand silently, with their backs to the camera, listening as their opponents trash talk and make their predictions about just how much humiliation that they’ve got in store for the poor loser behind them.

“Hi, I’m Rusty Stevens,” Rusty introduced himself before his oil match with Tommy Defendi. “Six foot. 190 pounds. I’m 3-and-0 here on Naked Kombat, soon to be 4-and-0. I’ve called that win out before each fight,” Rusty flexes his left tricep and examines it nonchalantly, “and I’m calling it again.” Rusty has got to be the premiere deliverer of the erotic delights of pre- and post-match trash talk. With his totally smokin’ body, he always bragged that he didn’t bother training for his matches because he knew that his opponent would be a piece of cake. “My strategy,” Rusty explained before his match with Tommy, “is to tire him out so bad that I throw him around like a little doll. When I beat my opponent, first I’ll ride him around like a pony, then I’m going to apply the usual fish hooks, but then I’ve got some new tricks that I’m going to try on him today,” Rusty rubs the palms of his hands together eagerly, “and he’s not going to like. That’s what the loser gets.”

The “here’s-what-I’m-going-to-do” chat feels a whole lot like foreplay between me and the wrestler giving me his blueprint for destroying his opponent. On Top Wrestling had that format, at least for the few OTW matches I saw (almost entirely to obsess over celestial, golden musclegod, Steve Shannon). Each wrestler would take turns with a close-up testimonial, explaining why it is he expected to come out on top. Steve Shannon, as I remember it, was always selling an “aw, shucks” banter that made me putty in his hands. With my eyes hungrily sucking up every twitch and tremor of his incredible body, Steve would point out that his opponent looks big and awfully impressive, but hopefully he’ll manage to out-hustle him into a submission or two. I always feel a little guilty when I find myself sucked into pining for a prettyboy, knight-in-white victory of the good guy.

Of course, I never feel that guilt when enjoying a Rusty Stevens match. And I’m equally as aroused by the “that’s-what-I-just-did”chat, when a sweat soaked victor, his chest still heaving as his lungs suck in recuperative oxygen, snidely delivers the blow-by-blow retrospective on his dominating ways. Unlike many/most Naked Kombat wrestlers, Rusty never breaks character even when all is said and done. “Tell me I didn’t call that one. Tell me I didn’t call that one!” Rusty challenges the off-camera interviewer for the post-mortem of his match with Tommy. “He put up a fight, I’ll give him that. Uh, I think he’s got a little ‘boo-boo’ on his forehead, or something. Pretty much everything I tried worked for me. The only thing I couldn’t do was the grapevine hold in the oil match, because as soon as I’d get him in the hold, he’d slip right out…. My first oil match. It was hot, though. Cause, like, I remember when my stomach was sliding across his, and I was hard and my dick was bent down, it felt like I was fucking, the whole, like 3-feet that I slid across him. It was like, ‘Oh yes, I’m already topping, I’m already topping.” In response to the question of when Rusty realized that he had the match in the bag, Rusty skips no more than half a beat. “When I got on the airplane to come here this morning. Or maybe it was the cinnamon roll, cause that was my carbs for the day.” Advice for your opponent, Rusty? “A word of advice? Uh, yeah, try training with your little sister, cause training by yourself sure as hell ain’t working. And maybe she could teach you something like the nails or the kick to the balls or something you might actually be able to use. Cause all that sliding around shit, what was the score? 50-something to 5? Yeah, this isn’t even sweat, this is still oil from the oil match!” Rusty didn’t need to keep humiliating Tommy. He’d had his way with him in every humiliating possibility for the prior 50 minutes, so this post-match testimonial didn’t amount to anything more. But Rusty reaches right in and grabs hold of my wrestling kink with his relentless, dominating, humiliating trash talk absolutely crushing Tommy Defendi’s ego into dust on that mat.

Thunder’s Arena taps into this banter-angle just a bit in their members-only section, with testimonial mash-ups with some of their headliners. Before his match with BamBam, Cameron Mathews lounges on the couch at Thunder’s Arena wearing only the scant evidence of brief red trunks. “Hey guys, how ya doing?” he asks the camera, all friendly-like. “I’m just relaxing, waiting for my ‘big’ match with BamBam.” Cameron sighs. “Probably the typical Thunder’s Arena jobber.” He flexes his left bicep and admires himself. “Not like me,” he explains, “the champ. Just loungin’ around. I skipped going to the gym today. Figured I didn’t need it. So we’ll see how it goes. Maybe… maybe I’ll let him get a couple of moves in… probably not. Maybe I’ll even let him win. Unlikely. But at least watch it so you get to see me,” Cameron flexes his right bicep, “and me,” he flexes his left, “doing what I do best.”

Rock Hard Wrestling has done just a little of the wrestler testimonial to help set the scene, but not much. BG East and Can-Am don’t seem to work this much at all, as far as I can think of, though I think it’s perfectly pitched for BG East’s pro-style ring matches. I’d love to see some old-school professional wrestling interviews pre- and post-match with the likes of Lon Dumont, Jonny Firestorm, Denny Cartier and Kid Karisma, in order to blow out the confines of the wrestling fantasy moment even more. A little “here’s-what-I’m-going-to-do” strutting from both hopefuls, and the “that’s-what-I-just-did” sweat-soaked gloating victor, would go a long way to cranking my homoerotic wrestling kink with both hands.

“This is Rusty Stevens, and I’m still 4-and-0 on Naked Kombat!”

Simply Gorgeous

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It was a labor of love, but yesterday’s study of the remarkable homoerotic wrestling career of Jonny Firestorm took a whole lot of time for me to compose. So today, I’m trying to keep things short and sweet.
Kid Karisma wrestling the Z-Man in BG East’s Summer Sizzler: Fantasymen 33: Muscle Pros, is incredibly sexy muscle model pro wrestling!

Kid Karisma’s ass, encased in skin tight shiny silver trunks, is ranking as one of the most gorgeous asses I’ve ever seen in my life, under just about any circumstances.

Grinding that world class ass into Z-Man’s face, as Kid K gloats and revels in wrapping the fitness model hunk up so tightly and humiliatingly, is wearing out the “pause” and “rewind” buttons on my DVD player.

Z-Man is turning into a total team player for BG East, bringing attitude, athleticism, and that agonizingly attractive body of his in well-pitched proportion to the scope of this ring battle and the extremely high quality presentation of his opponent. I’m not too proud to admit that Z-Man is making me eat my highly critical words of the past over his prior wrestling resume. And Kid K has a direct line to my libido, with every inch of his bulging body and every smart-ass snarl and sneer turning me on and turning me into drooling fanatic for the red-headed muscle star bad boy.  Fantasy. Men. Muscle. Pros. Hell, yes!

Bodies Over Time – Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month Edition

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It feels like Jonny Firestorm, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, has been a fixture in BG East since well before his 2005 debut in The Contract 6. Indeed, I’m hard pressed to think of a more productive homoerotic wrestling fixture. Out of 26 catalog releases since his debut, Jonny has wrestled in 25 DVDs, totaling an astonishing 30 matches, not counting his tournament highlights from the World Outgames in Montreal! He’s wrestled icons, pros, dancers, twinks and bears. It’s no wonder he’s starred in two products entitled “Iron Men,” because Jonny is one tenacious wrestler who’s pumped out an astonishing string of high quality wrestling products.

Jonny took just a fraction more than he was able to give in his debut against icon Brad Rochelle (seriously, how many stunning fixtures in homoerotic wrestling have debuted against that gorgeous hunk!?). What was abundantly clear within about 7.46 seconds of the start of this fantastic heel-turn story for Brad was that Jonny possessed both a ripped-to-shreds muscle body built for nothing other than wrestling AND that Jonny was already an extremely accomplished wrestling tactician.

What suffering he eventually soaked in as Brad Rochelle tapped into his inner bad boy bastard, Jonny turned right back around and dished out extra helpings on poor twink punk Zach Zilver in Demolition 10. To tell the truth, I bought Demo10 to enjoy Cole Cassidy “welcoming” Christopher Bruce (and that gorgeous ass of his) back to the world of BG East. But the relish with which Jonny obliterates Zach, and Jonny’s stunning antomy-chart fitness (and in particular, those shredded, rock hard, vascular thighs), made me do some re-evaulating. Jonny was no longer just that smart-ass punk who pushed the long-awaited buttons to turn Brad Rochelle into a raging sadist. Jonny was definitely someone who could entertain me all on his own.

Somebody else must have been as impressed with Jonny, since only three releases into his BG East career and his third catalog appearance in a row, he starred in his own Wrestler Spotlight. Jonny wrestling Devil Devitt’s pecs (well, the rest of him too, but I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from the pecs) is a pro body-beautiful bonanza.

Jonny and Alexi Adamov both debuted in The Contract 6, giving Brad Rochelle two rookies to serve as fodder for his heel turn. So there was some symmetry that Jonny and Alexi should end up needing to sort some of their own place-in-the-pack shit out between them in Backyard Brawls 4. Taking turns with faces trapped high up between each others crotches makes me bitterly jealous of both of them in turn. A Bard-sandwich trapped between them, however, would instantly release any hard feelings I had. Other areas of hardness and moments of release would also occur. Sadly, that story lives only in my imagination.

I won’t attempt to chronicle every inch of Jonny’s low-hanging resume, but I have to make a mention of his matroom sweat-fest against former homoerotic wrestler of the month and ongoing crush of mine, Denny Cartier, in the title-character role for Jonny: Jonny Firestorm in Montreal. This seems like Jonny’s application DVD to the gay wrestling hall of fame. He can sell in close quarters, soaked in sweat in the BG East matroom. He’s ferocious on the world stage, medaling in amateur competition. And he can hold his own in bruising pro work in the ring. This man not only can do it all, he does it all!

I’m fast-forwarding through quite a bit of Jonny’s career thus far, but I do want to push the pause button and linger just a little over the appearance of an entirely new Jonny in Ball Bash 2. There was only about a month and a half between his work in Hunkbash 10 and his appearance in Ball Bash 2, but Jonny went from 0 bodyfat to beefy bruiser somewhere there in the middle. Clearly the taping of the matches wasn’t proportional to the time it took to put out the back-to-back Jonny releases. In the intervening time, Jonny put on pounds, stopped shaving every inch of his body, and learned to take even more sadistic joy in throwing around his new weight. Ball Bash 2 is as much an epiphany for me as it is a re-launch of Jonny in new packaging. Watching him crush the living shit out of Reese Wells’ balls (what the HELL happened to that short-lived phenom!?) gave me a whole new appreciation for ball torture.

Releases of Jonny’s matches have teetered back and forth between these two levels of conditioning.  His Pros in Private 7 match shows him incredibly sexy sans belly but with chest hair.

I think this is my favorite Jonny look!

But for his next release taking on Kid Karisma for BG’s Bad Boys 1, it’s back to Jonny in bruiser form. Dialing Kid K’s nipples like searching for that remote radio station is just damn inspired!

Perhaps it was Jonny’s suffering at the hands of Marauder in Masked Mayhem 6 that sent him packing on pounds to have something more to throw around in the ring. The DVD came later in the chronology of his resume, but we went back to Jonny in svelt-‘n’-hard conditioning to learn that Jonny’s notoriety gave the firecracker a big head, and even the Boss started to find his cocky swagger a bit too much to stomach. Enter Jonny’s command performance taking a beatdown from big bruiser Marauder, in which Jonny gets cracked in half like a wishbone.

Skip Vance recently commented on his Facebook page that seeing pictures of his manhandling by Jonny in Submissions 8 from last summer still makes his body ache.  The contrast between Jonny’s pale beef and Skip’s all over tan whipcord musculature is both aesthetically gorgeous and tooled perfectly for Jonny’s masterful induction of Skip into the depth of the wrestling arsenal that Jonny has at his disposal from working his ass off for so many years. Skip’s screams and the agony written on his face are both cringeworthy and totally kink-inspiring!

For Hunkbash 11, it’s Jonny’s beaty-and-the-beast-beatdown of antithesis Rio Garza. Again, Jonny’s in the ring (where I like him best), and again he’s powerfully thick and sporting his arch-villain beard. Rio is smooth as a baby’s Naired bottom, with mocha skin and coverboy handsomeness.

It’s retro Jonny again in Pros in Private 8 this past winter, which reintroduced me to the arousing wonders that are Jonny’s gorgeously veined granite thighs as well as Rudy Cortez’ incredibly spankable ass. This DVD could easily have earned Jonny homoerotic wrestler of the month if it weren’t for the bad luck that his exhausting, all-in work for Pros8 showed up in the same catalog with Brook Stetson and Mitch Colby coated in gallons of sweat and wrestling in jock-straps in a Florida sunroom (not to mention the earth-shattering introduction of Z-Man to the BG East universe and the barnburner release of Ringwars 19… what a month!).

What put Jonny over the top this month, however, was his back-to-basics retro appearance and his incredibly entertaining work, working over another former homoerotic wrestler of the month, Bobby Horton, for BG’s Bad Boys 2. Jonny and Bobby are a match made in wrestling-kink heaven. Watching Jonny in this give-and-take titanic struggle for true badness was powerfully arousing for me. The look of delight and agony juxtaposed at nearly every moment is fantastically compelling. The wedgies on both of these sliced-and-diced young men make me gasp. And perhaps the tale of the tape is really Jonny making me laugh one moment and then grab my cock in both hands the next. A totally compelling character, fucking fantastic pro wrestling, rockingly entertaining bodies, and enthusiastic salesmanship of quality that I’ve seen extremely rarely… I’m very pleased with my choice this month.

Many of you have contacted me in backchannels to let me know it’s about time that I gave Jonny his due. The exhausting work of vetting his homoerotic wrestling resume probably bears out your exasperation with how long this has been in coming. But with BG’s Bad Boys 2, he’s grabbed hold of my attention and affections on the strength of nothing other than one pristine, thrilling, provocative performance that needs nothing else to justify it as worthy of top honors. Jonny Firestorm deserves a homoerotic wrestler of the month title, and I’m happy to give him mine!

This man deserves a raise!

Cocks Named

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No big winners this week, but these late-breaking cocks make us all winners, really. Wrestling Arsenal has a nicely put comment on the “other” cocks in the news these days that captures well some of my own sentiment. As we debate the morality of politicians with iPhones, take a break and check the answers to these other cocks in the news…
Cock(s) #1 belong(s) to…
… BG East’s “Aqua” and Angelo Blanco.
Score! True enough, this isn’t quite as late-breaking news as a certain U.S. representative’s tweeting scandal, but Masked Mayhem 8 was just released a few weeks ago. While BG East has already released their Summer Sizzlers since then, my copy of Masked Mayhem 8 still has that “new DVD” smell about it that makes me all excited about the nuances I have yet to discover. However, I have already discovered the thrill of Angelo Blanco’s sweat-soaked body with his own cock in one hand and Aqua’s cock in the other.
Cock #2 belongs to…
…BG East’s extremely newly released debut of Stan (don’t call me Stanley!) Greer.
Thunder’s Arena’s fans will recognize the face and body, but this is by all means the first time I’ve laid eyes on that truly beautiful cock! As of just last friday, with Wrestle Worship 2: Triple Emission it certainly looks like Stan is giving us something that we’ve never seen from him before. Between him and Marc Merino battling for the adoration of lucky newby Randy Dowell, this is full-on, newsworthy, hot-off-the-presses cock worth taking note of!
Cock #3 belongs to…
…Naked Kombat’s Roman Rivers.
Muscle stud Roman just this week showed up for Naked Kombat against twink Mike Rivers, pulling out that pretty, pretty tool of his for a round 4 celebration.
Cock #4 belongs to…
 …BG East’s Rob Chandler.
Facebook buddy Ashley Ryder gets an extremely up-close look at Rob’s thick cock in Gear Wars 3: UK Kink in their breaking news release for BG East’s Summer Sizzlers out merely days. Ashley totally inspires me, but good god! Rob is smoking hot! The cock ring makes me wince, but every inch of this hot little muscle stud is sweet, sweet, sweet!
 Cock #5 belongs to…
…Naked Kombat’s Cameron Adams.
I LOVE this pic! DJ is on top here, bridging way high with that python of his bouncing around just out of Cameron’s reach. This match was the breaking news just a couple days before everyone started frantically tittering about a certain politician’s Twittering. Like Cameron in the round 3 face-off, personally I have a tough time tearing my eyes away from DJ’s sledgehammer. DJ has the cock to make Cameron weak in the knees and the wrestling skills to slap him to his back in heartbeat. Love me some DJ!
Like Wrestling Arsenal, I think there’s something insidious and untapped about the public flagellation required of a politician who snaps some iPhone pics of his hard body. Perhaps they do just need to find a new, more appreciative line of work. Regardless, I refuse to be discouraged or ashamed of big, beautiful, hot-off-the-presses cocks.

Name That Cock: The Weiner Edition

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Perhaps I should call this week’s quiz Name That Cock: Current Events. In our body-phobic, sex-phobic culture, personally I think that we need to see more, not less, cock. In and of themselves, big beautiful cocks should not be scandalous, disgraceful, or disqualifying of anything. So take a long, hard gander at these close-up views of cock, and see if you can identify which “current events” homoerotic wrestler is the owner of each beautiful tool. Let’s officially resist the hegemonic assumption that the sight of cock requires public flagellation and Puritanical blood-letting! The rules are the same as always: name the homoerotic wrestlers to whom these cocks belong. If you name all the cocks below in addition to the opponents faced in the photographed wrestling matches, I’ll write you a custom piece of wrestling fiction and you can name the topic for next week’s quiz.

Cock(s) #1:
Either cock here can qualify for a correct answer, but both will get you the full points you need to progress toward claiming a prize. These two gorgeous, uncut cocks are quite the prize, in and of themselves. I’ve speculated that the  sexy-as-hell homoerotic wrestler on the right is one of us. The homoerotic wrestler on the left has a just-released G-rated match for another company that’s also a current event.
Cock #2:
This cock is hot off the presses news. We’ve seen him elsewhere in PG-rated homoerotic wrestling fare, so imagine my surprise to discover that he not only is ready to whip out his cock to awe his opponents into submission, but that he has such an aesthetically stunning piece of meat. I’ve mentioned before that I think it’s difficult for really big muscle boys to have proportionally impressive tools, but this breaking-news badboy clearly has no problem at all keeping everything in perspective.
Cock #3:
I feel like we all need to stand up and salute this fantastic phallus. This recent headliner has a body built for destruction to go along with this cock constructed for conquest. With this secret weapon unsheathed, the twink rookie who faced him, eye-to-cock, in this match was always going to go down.
Cock #4:

Here’s another hot-off-the-presses cock that I’m terribly excited to see more of. The hard, muscled, tatted body that’s connected to this pierced quarter pounder is my kind of homoerotic wrestler in so many ways! The word is that this is a grudge match, and that scores are settled. Considering I also have quite the crush on the lips in this pic, I can tell that this will be a match that I must own.

 Cock #5: 
Admittedly, this is a little blurry, but I love this snapshot of bodies stretched and bent and wrapped up together like a soft pretzel with mustard on top. I’ll admit it: I get a particularly perverse pleasure when I watch the homoerotic wrestler whose cock is pictured here get pummeled and plowed. This late-breaking match doesn’t disappoint on that count. The really priceless pic (I’ll show tomorrow) is the look of worried awe on this wrestler’s face as he stares down the mammoth, hard-to-believe-if-you-haven’t-seen-it cock on the opponent who’s twisted him up in this pic above.
Good luck, gentlemen. I hope you have fun with it, because if we can’t have fun with beautiful bodies and awesome cocks, then we deserve the oppressive, far-right, self-righteous straight regimes to which most of us are living under in one form or another these days.

Stream-of-Consciousness

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Hot damn! BG East’s sudden Summer Sizzlers release yesterday has me powerfully provoked and bitterly impatient for the mailman. And speaking of my entirely socially constructed modern inability to delay gratification, I’m extremely pleased with the new BG East Arena update schedule. I must say, of my subscriptions, this propels the Arena into by far the best value. And just to be clear, I don’t get paid to say that. Just calling it like I see it.
And speaking of calling it like I see it (I suspect this will be one long stream of consciousness post today), I keep returning to the recent pics of “Mr. Brazil 2011” Lucas Malvacini that I’ve been seeing. Whatever is in the water in Brazil, I want it bottled and forced down the throats of the men in my neighborhood. Smoking hot male model after smoking hot male model from Brazil keeps showing up and making the case that the southern hemisphere is inherently sexy. But more than just another eye-wateringly hot naked body, Mr. Brazil made me do a double-take. Where have I seen that boyishly sincere smile before? Who does this side of beef remind me of with his “oh, you’re looking at lil’ ol’ me?” shy tilt of the head, making those infinitely squeezable pecs and sweetly bulging biceps that much more enticing?
Jaha! (as my Swedish friends would say). It’s yet another Denny Cartier free-association that my brain is making. While perhaps not Denny’s doppleganger, there’s a gestalt about him that makes me picture Lucas as Denny’s younger, taller brother… and tag team partner.

Don’t you see it? Well, perhaps it’s partly rooted in my well-documented obsession with Denny. It’s certainly true this wouldn’t be the first time that I’ve spotted some handsome hunk that I’m intuitively convinced comes from Denny’s corner of the gene pool. I’m not sure if this Rorschach test is tapping into my subconscious infatuation with seeing more Denny wrestling, or whether it’s my lust to get back to writing a new Secretarial Pool homoerotic wrestling match starring more hot male models.

And speaking of hot male models and my homoerotic wrestling imagination, did you see that Wendell Lissimore is in a fantastic visual menage a trois for Out Magazine? I’m pretty sure that he’s straight, so this scene of him as the lean meat in a white bread man-sandwich is just awesome fuel for my homoerotic wrestling fantasies in which Wendell has already made a few appearances.

In my imagination, every hard-bodied hunk with a six pack and rock hard pecs is a cock chaser. I think I’ve written no more than one woman into a storyline in my homoerotic wrestling fantasy universe (name that tune for a prize), and I don’t think that I’ve ever bothered with a truly straight male character, at least not one that couldn’t enjoy getting off to some man-on-man muscle domination from time to time. It’s not as if the cutthroat capitalism-gone-mad world of my homoerotic wrestling imagination is one in which I’d want to live full time. But I do enjoy being “special guest star” in my own serial fantasy where every question and conflict is settled with no-holds barred erotic wrestling, where brutal sexual domination is the bread-and-butter of corporate intrigue and international politics, and where homoerotic romance dots the landscape in an otherwise unforgiving egomaniacally-based economy where everything is commodified.
And speaking of me as special guest star in my own fantasy, did you catch the shot of shirtless Jason Bateman on EW (thank you, Towleroad)? Jason has long been my pick to play me in the made-for-television version of my life. I settled on him well before I ever saw a shirtless shot of him, so imagine my delight to discover that he’s quite a hot little number, in addition to being an excellent actor with a fun sense of humor.
I’m not sure where all this stream-of-consciousness was leading, but for those who traveled this intimate path through my synapses, welcome to my world! Happy weekend!

Heroes and Men

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I don’t own a pair of superman underwear, but I think I want to. I’ve seen these briefs on many gorgeous bodies on the internet, and they always inspire two simultaneous, somewhat paradoxical responses in me: laughter and arousal.

The arousal of seeing just about any exposed flesh on Seth Kuhlmann likely requires no further explanation. “Hot body” and “nothing but underwear” is sufficient to catch my eye and hold my attention. But Superman’s “S” printed across the crotch of a gorgeous hunk’s underoos is somehow even sexier, and not in small part because of the sense of humor it implies.

Of course, there are likely some muscle studs who’d don superman underwear without a sense of irony or humor. While these fine gentleman are likely delightful to watch in still frame, a man without a sense of humor (or anyone who takes himself too seriously), drops in sex appeal by a factor of 10 in my reckoning. Superman underwear as a means of promoting literal and sincere comparisons to the literary man-of-steel miss the full potential of this gear, as far as I’m concerned.

Superman underwear is silly. Sexy, yes, but also silly. Wearing them suggests that those who sport them can embrace silliness. They can stick their tongue in their cheek. They understand the provocative allure of a little self-deprecation that only heightens by contrast the hardcore sexiness of a witty, smart hunk who loves his body.
While I don’t own a pair of superman underwear, I aspire to be the type of man who could pull them off. I aspire to love my body (daily work, but mostly there), and to wield both wit and smarts enough to recognize how sexy a little self-deprecation and a lot of humor can go.

Asses Named

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No perfect marks for this week’s Name That Ass quiz, but that just means you’ve got more delightful studying to do. Let’s start with a closer look at these beautiful butts:
Ass #1 belongs to…
BG East rookie muscleboy, Marco Carlow.
 Marco’s debut in Motel Madness 11 against BG East first-timer (but hardly a rookie) Dev Michaels is such a feast for those looking for muscleboy wrestling in private. Marco is gorgeous from head to toe, and that round, hard ass is stunning. Love it. Lusting after him. Waiting for more Marco!
Ass #2 belongs to…
Naked Kombat’s rookie pornboy, Gavin Waters.
 I’ve already talked quite a bit a about Gavin’s tag team bout alongside fellow overconfident bully, Nikko Alexander. It’s an ensemble work of art, and my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, Trent Diesel, rocks me hard. But sweet man alive! Gavin Waters is a beast! Love his attitude. Love his body. Love that ass.
 Ass #3 belongs to…
Can-Am’s Lincoln Lode.
 Lincoln’s been out of the scene for a while, as far as I can tell, but his brief tenure in homoerotic wrestling made a big impression on me. His face isn’t quite as classically handsome as, say, Marco Carlow, but the frat boy smirk on that sliced and diced gymbunny physique never disappointed. He almost always paired up with red-head Andrew Lane, which made me write a lover-backstory for the two in my own mind. Here Lincoln and workout buddy Billy Watt play wishbone with Andrew’s legs in Hotel Hell: Toronto.  This match illutrates my point: Lincoln’s ass was almost as perfect as glutes get.
Ass #4 belongs to…
…BG East’s new wrestler (but again, not a rookie), Torvik Tirva.
 I’m a sucker for an accent…. and a nice ass… and tattoos… but even still, there was something that caught me by surprise by how turned on Torvik’s motel match with Brad Flash made me. When Torvik gloats and taunts, it’s absolutely fantastic entertainment. When he wrenches on Brad’s knee until the scrapper can’t stand up, Brad extends a hand of gentlemanly congratulations on a job well done. Again, I say, when Torvik slaps the extended hand away with lip-curling contempt and congratulates himself with a sweet flex in the mirror before walking off laughing at his injured opponent, I’m sold.
 Ass #5 belongs to…
 …Can-Am’s handsome babyface hero, Maverick.
 Homoerotic wrestling is littered with beautiful bodies who lingered far too briefly, and Maverick is a prime example. He had a face of a big screen movie star, the body of a Greek sculpture, and the chin-up, knight-in-white hero vibe that had me reverting to pre-adolescence and lustfully rooting for the good guy. And that ass! His opponent in Young Musclestuds Wrestling 4, Trey, seems to be as awed by that work of art as I am.

In honor of “big” news in U.S. politics this week, there’s no way in the world that next week’s quiz could be anything other than a new edition of Name That Cock. So study up on your homoerotic wrestling cocks now!

Name That Ass

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Jobberinnyc kicked ass in last week’s quiz… well, perhaps it’s closer to say that he slapped some cocks. This week we’re back to asses, though. Below are a few of my favorite things, and in particular, the gorgeous asses of homoerotic wrestlers. These 5 wrestlers grabbed my attention in large part on the strength of their beautiful glutes. There are some new infatuations and some long standing favorites, as well. Name the 5 homoerotic wrestlers below, and you get a gold star and an extra heaping helping of praise. Name all 5 wrestlers as well as all seven (yes, that’s a hint) opponents they faced in the photos below, and you will be certified as a homoerotic wrestling aficionado and be offered the opportunity to choose the topic for next week’s Name That quiz. Good luck, and let me know how you do.
Ass #1:
Stunningly handsome muscle hunk alert! 5’6″, 170 pounds, he takes on a much bigger muscle brute in this bout and astonishingly matches him pound for pound in brute strength. Every inch of his body is captivating, but that sweet, round ass on top of those thick thighs and at the base of that tiny waist leaves me wanting much, much more.

Ass #2:
This gorgeous surfer boy butt made this homoerotic wrestler an instant favorite of mine. 6’0″, 200 pounds, with an all-over, Southern California tan, he simply cannot wait to lose the trunks in his most recent match, from which this pic comes.
Ass #3:
I’ve been challenged for handing out the mantle of “classic” too generously, but screw it. It’s my blog, and so when I say this gorgeous muscle ass is classic, clearly it’s just my opinion. And my opinion is that this homoerotic wrestler was one of the very top tier most beautiful muscle boys in the business. I can find precious little on this hunk other than that he measured in at 5’9″ and 180 pounds and wrestled in 6 products (well, two of them only loosely count as wrestling in my book). His filmography is just far to brief, but I love every minute of him on screen.
Ass #4:
This homoerotic wrestler took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting to be quite so turned on by him, but not only is the ass here sincerely squeezable, his snarling, sneering attitude and sadistic delight in dominating is crazy hot. 5’11”, 168 pounds, he’s no ripped muscle stud, and he simply doesn’t need to be, because his wrestling and his sell (and that accent!) makes all sorts of things pump harder within me.
Ass #5:
5’11” and 180 pounds, the homoerotic wrestler wrapped up so beautifully here has a permanent place in the pantheon of my fantasy wrestlers. He only wrestled twice, as far as I know (please, please tell me where else I can find more of his work), which probably accounts for the fact that I’ve never mentioned him around these parts before. But that oversight is happily about to be corrected. He had movie star good looks, perfect proportions, a smile that brings me to my knees, and an enthusiasm for his ring wrestling performances that makes up for any lack of polish. With a body and a face so stunning, you only need one name.
Send me your answers or post them in the comments below. Feel free to work together. This is an open-notes quiz. Good luck, and you may begin…