Category: Austin Cooper

Seeing the Lights on the Ceiling

wrestlebard3 Comments

I resist the strong temptation to select homoerotic wrestlers of the month as a lifetime achievement award.  Some work horses in the business have been consistently wrestling high quality matches for the long haul, but for my of-the-month title I try to consider only the matches released within the past month.  Cameron Mathews (listed also as Cameron “Matthews”) has been starring in inspired homoerotic wrestling matches for over 7 years since he debuted with BG East, including 25 matches in the ring, on the mats, in the gazebo, and in two of his own Wrestler Spotlight compilations. I’m not sure exactly when he started wrestling with Thunder’s Arena, but he’s appeared in an astonishing 25 matches for them, as well.  15 Cyberfights, 3 Can-Am matches, and directed and starred in 4 “East Coast” battles distributed by Can-Am.  This incredible list doesn’t even broach the subject of his mainstream indy pro wrestling resume (mostly because there’s just too many matches to count, but also because it’s fundamentally a step to the right of where my primary tastes lie).  If I ever start awarding lifetime achievement awards, Cameron is obviously an instant favorite!  But in the of-the-month head-to-heads, July 2012 was the month that Cameron twist-tied the competition around the ring post and came out on top as far as entertaining me hardest.

Cameron claimed the title and wrapped it up in a bow.
Sporting an astonishingly sexy body that’s miles away from this long, lean, even skinny days as a rookie, Cam owned my adoration for teaching fitness model goldenboy Austin Cooper to think twice before he climbs into the ring with an indy pro veteran.  While true, Austin ends up with his boot planted on Cameron’s chest, pumping out a victory flex, I’ve got eyes and ears and a hard-on primarily for the power, beauty, and above all, the story telling of my homoerotic wrestler of the month, Mr. Mathews.

Cam’s the man making Austin flinch in anticipation of his next beating
Warming my heart and turning me on even harder, I got a message from Cameron about a day after awarding him the title.  Like Cage Thunder last month, Cam thanked me and not-so-subtly pointed out that “it’s about time.”  Knowing that he’s reading neverland only cements my infatuation and loyalty for Mr. Mathews.  His willingness to join the conversation and grant me a brief interview demonstrates that he’s not only a hunk, not merely an outstanding ring wrestler, not just in possession of a world class ass, but he’s also a gentleman who’s got his fans in mind as he does his thing.  Here’s a glimpse of what’s going inside the head of the reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Cameron Mathews.
——–
Cameron Mathews – Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month
Bard: Thanks for agreeing to take some questions for neverland readers on the occasion of being selected as the reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month! Finding out that a favorite wrestler reads my blog fills me with both excitement and dread. If there’s anything I’ve written about you in the past that’s pissed you off, I apologize! Now, I know you’re busy, because you’ve got to be the hardest working wrestler on the planet! I only halfway track your live pro wrestling events, but with the amount of airtime you’ve had on DVD and internet wrestling sites, it seems like you’re wrestling 24/7! What keeps you focused and getting your butt back on the road for your next match?

Cameron gets creative all over Austin’s back

Cameron: I think what keeps me going with wrestling is that it is fun. Even when I have a “bad” match I still have fun. I enjoy being creative. I enjoy being the first, or one of the only people who can do things. I like learning. There’s always something to learn and always something to improve on…or try doing differently.

Bard: Very cool! Your creativity and innovative spirit is clearly evident to me! Speaking of butts (see how I worked that in so smoothly?), yours generated a collective gasp, sigh, and then several grunts from the legions of gay wrestling fans the first time we saw you wrestling for companies like BG East, Thunder’s Arena, and Can Am. Do you wrestle any differently when you know that your audience is primarily gay, as opposed to when you’re doing shows in front of (presumably) straight audiences?

That….. ASS!!!!!

Cameron: Ha-ha on the smooth transition. The matches in front of a live audience have to be more varied than the studio matches due to time restraints, audience attention span, and other factors. Pro matches are expected to be exciting and quick, especially on television. With a studio match you are able to tell a better story. More drama. More detail. I prefer longer matches.

At least on camera, Cam gets “impolite”
with fitness star Rio Garza.

Bard: Me, too! I love a good story and lots of drama in wrestling, and I think you’re one of the best at doing just that. I’m guessing that you must be good to work with, because you’ve worked with pretty much everyone and they seem to keep asking you back. Based on that premise, I’m also deducing that you’re a genuine professional, in the best sense of the word, and you probably don’t often talk shit about other wrestlers. So I won’t ask you to name any names… just tell us some backstage dirt on some of the boys you’ve worked with. You’ve wrestled everyone!

Cameron: I try to be a polite when I’m in new places. I am actually probably the one you hear stories about [laughing]. I am passionate about wrestling. As for the other guys, that is their business. There are guys out there that I do not get along with. Both in pro and studio. I try to remain professional and polite. It doesn’t always work.

Bard: Very diplomatically stated! Surely you can name some names when it comes to who’s been the best to work with. I interviewed Lon Dumont a year and a half ago, and he certainly speaks highly of you. Do you strike up any real friendships with other wrestlers in the crazy busy schedule you keep?

Cameron and Big Sexy stay in touch.

Cameron: As for some people I’ve become friendly with, Big Sexy is a good friend and badass fighter. Lon was my first real pro wrestling trainer when I was 14. He’s actually helped get me in shape. Coupe from Thunders is a great guy. Zman is always fun to be around. Always smiling and wanting to try crazy wrestling ideas. Jonny Firestorm is probably the person I most relate to. Just really started to chat and hang out with him more often. Aryx Quinn and I stay in contact. He’s always traveling North America. I enjoy all the guys who run the products. They are all unique and smart men.

Bard: Good to hear! That’s a diverse collection of guys that you’ve connected with. So your physique in your newly released match with Austin Cooper for Babyface Brawl 2 is astonishing! Not that you haven’t always been a stunning looking specimen, but damn! Have you been on a new diet or training differently lately? Do you see the transformation in yourself that so many fans have been appreciating?

Lon Dumont whipped Cam’s muscles
into shape (and charged him for the privilege!)

Cameron: Like I mentioned, Lon worked with me on a diet and workout plan. Even charged me! I actually got “too lean” so I stopped doing the diet. Well-worth the price though. He is extremely talented.

Bard: I seem to remember from Lon’s first BGE match him explaining, “I don’t just give this away for free.” Apparently that goes both for flexing and for training! I’m sure you hear more than you can stand from fans and critics about what they want to see more of from you. Armchair critiques (and I freely admit I’m one of the worst offenders) seem to have a never-ending stream of opinions about wrestling and wrestlers. From your side of the equation, though, what would you like to see or hear more of from fans of wrestling? More praise? Less pirating? More appreciation for the athletes, the injuries… what would you wish for fans to “get” more about the work that you do?

Cameron: I’ve been wrestling professionally for like 12 years now and I just read from a blogger that I was “green.” He reassured everyone who read that I had lots of potential and was good. I’ve been told I am good. I’ve been told I suck. I’ve been told I am good…all in a few weeks by different pro wrestling “names”. If I suck, tell me why I suck. I’ve always disliked hearing that there was nothing that I could’ve done better…because that was a lie. With that being said, if you don’t like me tell me what I can do better. If I’m good, tell me you like it. I don’t know what people like. I know what I’d like to do or expect to see…or not expect to see. It’s all trial and error.

Bard: That sounds like a healthy and extremely mature attitude. I’ll take that as my cue to keep reviewing and critiquing (and praising!) your work. Like I said when I named you reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month at neverland, I love your sense of humor, your rocking body, your awesome sell… you’re a star, which makes your willingness to take a few questions from me an absolute thrill for me. Is there anything else that you’d like to say to your gay fans out there that have been dropping me notes over the past few days telling me that it’s about goddamn time I recognized you as homoerotic wrestler of the month?

Cameron: I received a text from Al in New Jersey to check out the blog. I read the article and looked at the sidebar but didn’t really “catch on” until the end. It was very cool to be given that honor…and it only took 7 and a half years to do it [laughing]. I actually texted Lon about it.

Bard: Well, in my own defense, I’ve only been blogging for 3 years, and I’ve only been naming homoerotic wrestlers of the month for 2 years. But your point is well taken and something I’ve heard frequently from your fans in the past couple of days. It’s about time you got your well-earned honors!

Cameron: As for my fans, whether gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, asexual or undecided…I just am glad that I have been allowed to live the dream of being a pro wrestler and seeing the world. I don’t think I could’ve done so much had I not been exposed to wrestling, both pro and film. So thank you for letting me see the lights, even if they are on the ceiling.

Bard: I’m a huge fan of wrestlers being exposed! And I’m officially a huge fan of yours. Thanks a lot, Cameron!

Joshua Goodman is hell-bent on giving Cameron more exposure!

Cameron: I’ll also be opening a new site sometime but thats neither here nor there. Thank you again.

Bard: I look forward to hearing about the new site!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

wrestlebard5 Comments

I’ve spent so much time and lustful attention focused on London these past few days.  World class athletes in competition there and in my homoerotic wrestling imagination are certainly entertaining. But I’d trade them all for a hot, sweaty, hard pounding homoerotic wrestling match any day! Nominees for homoerotic wrestler of the month are surprisingly plentiful. There are several new releases from the mainstays, and I’m including a couple of nominees from relatively new productions. I’m no longer on Thunder’s comp list, so I just haven’t been tracking them lately (though new curly haired blond tattooed boy, Archer, gets a double-take from me on the splash page). I don’t think Can-Am has produced a new wrestling vid in a couple of months, so nothing from them on my radar. But even still, there’s an extremely elite and high caliber field of hunks I’m happy to line-up as legitimate contenders of the homoerotic wrestler of the month title for new releases in July.

First up, let’s just get the elephant in the room on the table (which is a very fun mixed metaphor). Eli Black is not only a 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month (and therefore an instant contender to be the first to 3-peat), but he starred in a mind-boggling 4 matches released in July! In addition to his 3 scorching hot mat scraps in his BG East Wrestler Spotlight, he also appeared in the summer beef fest known as the latest tag team match for Rock Hard Wrestling. He very well may be in a UCW release as well, but I just haven’t worked them into my regular diet yet (check with Joe, who is at this moment featured on the front page of UCW!). Austin Cooper gets a nomination for both his Babyface Brawl with a completely new, granite carved Cameron Mathews (obviously also nominated!), but also for his part of the aforementioned Rock Hard Wrestling Tag Team bash with fellow nominee and former title holder, Jake Jenkins, and long, lovely, sexy Alexi Ivanov.  Rookies grabbing hold of my attention with both hands and stroking what I like are two of Eli’s spotlight opponents, Victor Paz (who looks to me like a more handsome version of A-Rod), and bubble-butted Lorenzo Lowe (who looks to me almost exactly like my first boyfriend, I kid you not). Gil Barrios and former homoerotic wrestler of the month, Christian Taylor get nominations for the 15th incarnation of Wrestle Shack, as do friend of this blog and former title holder Lon Dumont and his opponent Mike Pitt for the inaugural Pec Bash 1.  Now we’ll veer into newer territory with a nomination for Steel Muscle God and his nameless muscle hunk opponent (he’d have a better chance at winning the title if I knew his name!) who provided a fucking fierce self-produced mat muscle tussle last month! And finally, I’m including Morgan Cruise in my first nomination from the NKOTB at Muscle Domination Wrestling for his manhandling of rookie Mateus Shogun.

So much homoerotic wrestling entertainment for what might be mistaken for the lazy days of slow-business summer!  So many favorites for so many reasons, and some genuine, two handed hot wrestling action in these new releases!  This is never easy, but it’s also another reminder about the whole point of the homoerotic wrestler of the month title: highlighting month in and month out the stand-out work of the gorgeous athletes who tell me the stories that I love the most.  So clear the podium. I’m not bothering with a silver or a bronze. The new reigning gold medal homoerotic wrestler of the month is…

Cameron Mathews: 5’10”, 165 pounds, entirely new body, same babyface!
Cam’s on top and in charge against goldenboy Coop

Those who know me well know that I’m often loathe to follow a crowd. There’s buzz over here? I’ll look over there. Well, there has definitely been a roaring buzz since BG East released Babyface Brawl 2, and in addition to the understandable lauds for goldenboy fitness model, Austin Cooper, a whole lot of oohs and aahs have been shed for the unveiling of a new, ripped, bigger body for Cam!

Sweating, sneering, cheating, 3 days past due for a razor: Cam’s the man!

Joe at Ringside at Skull Island, while clearly fixated on the growing range and skill of Coop, has plenty of praise for this newest rendition of the indy pro omniboy, Cam:

“He’s a cold, hard legend in his own right now, with a chiseled physique and a defiant steeliness in his approach to Austin.”

Cam’s power and rage dominate a stunned Coop

One very enthusiastic reader emailed me to share his excitement at seeing Cam’s big boy bruiser body unveiled in Babyface Brawl 2, asserting:

“Matthews has definitely undergone a splendid whole-body transplant that impresses, though it’s hard to convey menace with a little boy’s voice…. At least the era of matches involving Cameron Matthews seeming like child abuse has ended.”

Babyface Cam is all grown up and making both Coop and the rules his bitch.

His voice may still be at a high tenor, but there’s nothing at all childish about Cam’s appearance in Babyface Brawl 2.  The beard doesn’t hurt one bit. Nor do the mile-wide shoulders, washboard abs, carved pecs, or his highly erotic command of the ring and the goldenboy at his mercy much of the time. I’ve long been a Cam fan, without a doubt. When Lon Dumont told me that he and Cam trained together, something clicked in me.  The way that both Lon and Cam own the ring strokes my kink at almost precisely the same frequency. Cam’s sense of humor paired with his unflinching homoerotic subtext in his work across the board, including BG East, Thunder’s Arena, and Can-Am, consistently provide a fantastic, multifaceted character that treats the homoerotic wrestling audience with more respect than a lot of wrestlers.  If all homoerotic wrestling matches were independent and identically distributed random variables, the sheer size of Cam’s body of work up to this point would make it almost certain that he’d be homoerotic wrestler of the month sooner or later, just on chance. And that ass! This boy has always had an ass built for inspiring gay male fantasies.

Cam sets out to emasculate Coop both figuratively and, possibly, literally!

But there I go again, referring to Cam as a boy when he proves, without a doubt in Babyface Brawl 2, that he’s a man with both the power and the ring savvy to make him every ounce as dangerous as he wants to be.  Cam has a presence, a command, a drive to use all of that gorgeous beef he’s packing that makes this match a stand-out among the extensive library of Cam matches available. He’s powerful, poised, and pumped. He rakes Coop across the eyes. He chokes him with the tape around his wrist. He tortures the frustrated goldenboy in the ropes and twists Coop like a pretzel around the ring post.

Cam’s legendary command of every inch of the ring leaves Coop at his mercy

I hate climbing onto a bandwagon. Damn it. I once had a snarky boyfriend enrolled in “abnormal psych” class diagnose me as oppositional-defiant for my relish in taking the other side of any argument. But I’m falling right into line this time around. I’ve always loved Cam’s attitude. I’m completely turned on by his command of the ring. I’m infatuated with his new physique. And I’ve just got no choice but to admit that among the new release performances in July, Cam’s “heel turn” in Babyface Brawl 2 does it to me the hardest. Somebody right now is saying, “It’s about time,” but like a fine wine, I think Cameron Mathews has just this month matured into the hardest, hottest, hunkiest version of himself we’ve ever seen, and he’s a clear winner of this month’s homoerotic wrestler of the month title.

No more fun and games: Cameron Mathews, Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

Sisyphus

wrestlebard3 Comments
In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was cursed to eternally push a boulder up a mountain, only to see it roll back down the mountain each time he reached the top. Drawing from the myth of Sisyphus, existentialist philosopher Camus wrote about the absurdity of the search for meaning in an essentially meaningless world. Like Sisyphus, Camus argued, we are trapped within the futile task of seeking divinity and eternal truths, only to have our convictions tumble down over and over.  We are destined to repeatedly learn that what seems so important to us at any given moment is, ultimately, hollow and pointless.
Battered Coop climbs inch by inch up Diego’s long, luscious body.
As I wrestle a boulder up my own mountain, wondering if there’s any point to it all, it reminds me of the potently erotic moment in some of my favorite homoerotic wrestling matches when a bashed hunk peels himself up off the mat to look up at the dominating beast staring down at him impassively. This drama shows up in most Cole Cassidy matches and several Kid Vicious crushings.  Most recently, my heart nearly beat out of my chest when I watched cocky goldenboy Austin Cooper crawl, inch by inch, up the infinitely long legs of 6’3″ giant Diego Diaz, climbing up the Latino sex-bomb’s legs as Diego leers down at him, just waiting for him to reach his feet only to slam him back down to the mat once again.  Of course, there’s the homoeroticism of the catcher’s face suggestively traversing his opponent’s crotch. And undoubtedly, there’s the drama of whether the beaten man is battered sufficiently to prevent him from launching a vicious attack on the standing hunk’s vulnerability wagging in his face. But I’m captured by this moment for the melodrama, as well, the mythological scope of the scene as a once-invulnerable muscleman keeps climbing in the face of futility. As the pitcher watches impassively from above, allowing his crushee to use his frame as a handhold, to hang from him in his weakness, to lean on him, clutching his muscles for borrowed strength, I’m most moved when the fates are irresistible, and the struggling climber is destined to just barely reach the apex of his journey up his opponent’s body only to be slammed back down to start the futile journey all over again.  Sure, it may be a bleak assessment of the human condition, but it’s one seriously hot scene in homoerotic wrestling, as hunky Sisyphus sweats his way up the mountain, inch by exhausted inch, destined to go tumbling down over and over again.
Cole is uncharacteristically Sisyphus to Chris Bruce’s mountainous muscles
in Demolition 10.
Cole squeezes Chris’s powerful thighs as he climbs up the
classic muscleman’s waiting, glistening body.
Just as Cole reaches the summit, Chris scoops him up…
…parades him helplessly and hopelessly around the ring…
…and flings him back to the mat from where he started. 
Then Cole starts the long journey up the mountain once again….

Still-Frame Fantasies

wrestlebard1 Comment
I’ve been working my ass off so hard that the month of May is pretty much a wash when it comes to my favorite past-time: checking out new homoerotic wrestling releases. I’m just throwing in the towel and putting an asterisk in the homoerotic wrestler of the month competition for May 2012. The throne will remain empty for the month.  I have a strong suspicion that there will be a new title holder once June has played out, however. BG East has released Catalog 93, and it’s packed with some of my long time fantasyman crushes as well as more recent infatuations, any one of which could (and most of them have) easily bitchslapped the competition and claim the title. I’m also entranced with the hotness of new Rock Hard wrestler Britboy Will Stanley landing just in time for the queen’s diamond jubilee. Only 5 days into the month and based solely on still-frame fantasies, here are the immediate front runners for June’s title.
Denny Cartier crotch pins Joah Bindao

Denny’s back! Just the photos alone of hot Denny Cartier can tide me over, and in his Gazebo Grapplers 13 appearance he’s looking tastier than ever. Those eyes, that smile, the dimpled chin, wide strong shoulders, gorgeous chest, luscious ass, strong legs, and look at those forearms… all of that and some of the highest quality grappling I love, and Denny could easily be a 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month. And hot little muscleman Joah Bindao is definitely a rising stock.

Jake Jenkins threatens to dismember Jayden Mayne
Gazebo Grapplers 13 is catching me eye from start to finish, including Jake Jenkins looking possibly hotter than I’ve ever seen. Is it the trunks? Is it that hot, “monkey boy” body? Is it that his eyes looking like he’s about to carve into Thanksgiving turkey as he stares down handsome scrapper, Jayden?  Jake’s done it once and could easily do it again, wrestling his way into another homoerotic wrestler of the month title.
Joshua Goodman’s crotch might choke out Christopher Bruce!

And yet another Gazebo Grapplers 13 match is turning my crank in still-frame! Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) could read the phone book and I’d be off before he got to Aanerud (as long as he’s in nothing but those skimpy white trunks)! I’ve never seen a Mr. Joshua match that fails to make me weak in the knees, and pitting him against perennial powerhouse and sexy thinker Christopher Bruce could easily propel either of these men into the lead.  It seems impossible that Mr. Joshua has not yet owned the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. Could his Susan Lucci moment arrive in June?

Stinger in trouble from every angle!

My, oh my, Masked Mayhem 7 could be a superhero homoerotic wrestling fantasy for the record books! Lean, sexy Stinger’s partner doesn’t show up, and the brave masked man agrees to face both legendary heel Cage Thunder and his new tag partner, unmistakably menacing long, hard hottie Lightning Rod. Cage Thunder has yet to own the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month on these pages, but could this be the month on the strength of what looks like an astonishingly sexy, brutal double-team?

Skip Vance in agony under the control of Kid Karisma

Speaking of astonishingly sexy, the pairing of incredibly hot champion jobber, Skip Vance and my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division), Kid Karisma, has the potential to be epic! I’ve lobbied the boys at BG East for a long-overdue Wrestler Spotlight starring Kid K’s world class muscle ass! Skip hasn’t held the title, but Kid K was living large and in charge as homoerotic wrestler of the month 11 months ago. Either of these stunners could easily own it this month.

Fiercely hot newbie Diego Diaz launches Morgan Cruise
Neither Morgan Cruise nor newbie heartthrob Diego Diaz have held the homoerotic wrestler of the month title yet, but I could easily see their face-off for Morgan’s Spotlight earning one of them the distinction for June. Hurricane Morgan is like a force of nature lately, leveling every hot, hunky face placed in his way. And ripped, snarling, Latino powerhouse Diego has captured my imagination like no current newcomer. It’s a rare feat to be homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of just 2 matches, but the Latino giant could definitely make that happen.

Mitch Colby makes batboy Aryx Qinn pucker up
Mitch Colby has owned every title I could ever dream up. If Mitch and Diego Diaz were to ever tag team,   my life could very well be complete. In the mean time, his hairy chested, sweat soaked ring pounding with Aryx Quinn makes Mitch an instant contender for a 2nd trip to the winner’s circle.
Austin sweats through his jock while he shows off Patrick Donovan’s best side.

Austin Cooper is everywhere lately! For sheer ironman hotness (not to mention Goldenboy beauty and a top notch bubble butt) Austin is a contender for the title he has yet to possess. And Patrick Donovan is an instant contender, and I strongly suspect that Patrick has made a pact with Satan, because he’s done nothing but get sexier and more gorgeous with each and every match he’s wrestled in his long and lustrous career! That ass alone deserves a title, and he could absolutely deserve the homoerotic wrestler of the month title for his Matmen 23 face-off with the Goldenboy.

Austin does chiropractic work on Britboy rookie Will Stanley.

And my last instant infatuation for the first 5 days of June is Rock Hard Wrestling’s rookie lovely, Will Stanley. See, Austin’s back (making for 2 nominations for the title this month), but like Joe, I’m immediately craving a closer look at handsome, ripped hunk Will Stanley. That body, that ink, that face, AND an accent? Nostalgia alone could tip the scales to Will Stanley, Esquire, in honor of the queen’s diamond jubilee.

Hot, hot, hot start to summer, homoerotic wrestling fans!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

wrestlebard4 Comments

It’s time to honor another homoerotic wrestler who captured my imagination and excited me the most for appearing in a match released in the prior month. The field of contenders this time around is almost paralyzingly deep. BG East alone has populated the potential prize winners with one of the richest catalogs I can remember. From Strip Stakes 3, both gorgeous rookie Damien Rush and rising heel Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise easily secure nominations. From Catch Weight 5, reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (porn-boy) Skrapper and his fanatsyman muscle beast opponent, Dev Michaels get credit where credit is most definitely due. Lovely underwear model Rio Garza gets a nomination for his Very Bad Day, getting fucked up sequentially and in tandem by Bulldog Barzini and his surprisingly inspiring protege, Mike Pitt. I can’t help myself but nomination from Mat Rookies 1 no fewer than 3 of the sexy, sweaty rooks, namely Ben Cohen, former HWOTM Jake Jenkins, and still another former HWOTM, Eli Black. It’ll come as no surprise, considering my recent gushing, that I’m breathlessly nominating rookie-I-don’t-think-so Latino stud, Diego Diaz from Florida Fights 4, as well as former HWOTM Bobby Horton and a new-to-me favorite, Drew Russell. And I’ll be damned if I absolutely can’t help myself but send up both big, luscious bruiser Chris Xaos and his muscle man opponent in combat boots, Rob Chandler, for one of the most homoEROTIC motel tussles, Motel Madness UK. Even with that huge list, I’m already second guessing several of the boys that I’m leaving on the table, but I must charge forward. Turning next to Can-Am, I’m whole-heartedly nominating yet another Latino muscle beast by the name of Thiago Diaz and ripped beyond belief Tyler Reese, for a muscle bashing feast for the eyes in Florida Pro Fights (not to be confused with Diego Diaz starring in BG East’s Florida Fights 4… seriously?). And then I can’t fail to nominate from the Rock Hard Wrestling ranks Eli Black (again) and his opponent, Austin Cooper, as well as former HWOTM Z-Man (aka Zack Johnathan) and muscle tamer extraordinaire, nasty Ethan Andrews.  And finally, an entry from an entirely new source this time around, I’m also nominating my personal crush and recent interviewee, Dan aka Steel Muscle God for his recent release of a muscle pose down, trash-talking, arm wrestling-leads-to no rules jockstrap wrestling on the mats in an unknown European gym (and if I knew the name of his shaved headed muscle beast opponent, I’d throw him a nominating bone as well).

This, my friends, has been a bumper crop of fantastic homoerotic wrestling! I think I’ll remember April 2012 for some time to come, because the new releases this month have kept me dehydrated and distracted from my work from start to finish. If it were even a slightly less competitive month, probably at least 5 of these boys would easily claim the title. But as hard as it is to put some of these incredibly entertaining boys in the back seat, I’m picking just one of them to drive us all forward as new, reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month…

Eli is only the second two-time winner of the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. I trace his lead in the hotly contested race this past month starting right around April 4, when he dropped me the message that I might want to let neverland readers know that April was officially Eli Black month. Why official? Because Eli Black said it was so. Why his month? Because he was about to star simultaneously in new releases for an astonishing 3 different underground wrestling companies at the same time. And he kicked ass in serious MMA competition. And it was his birthday month. Enough said. It was Eli Black month.

Eli rips Austin Cooper in half.

I love, love, love a self-promoting, trash-talking, supremely confident, ripped muscle stud of an athlete, and there may be none to compete with him on all those fronts at the same time (except possibly Kid Karisma… now that would be a combination!). Eli’s match against goldenboy muscle man, Austin Cooper, was an astonishing catch weight wonder to behold. Eli quite literally got shot-putted halfway across the ring (multiple times), repeatedly slammed, stomped and pummeled corner-to-corner, tortured in the ropes, cracked and rocked humiliatingly across Austin’s knee… and still Primus kept clawing his way back for more.  RHW captures so well Eli’s face when he’s on top, making an opponent hurt, and he’s nothing short of ecstatic as he watches the agony he’s administering contort his opponent’s face.  Eli large and in charge drives me wild, but Eli taking an epic mauling and clawing back on his hands and knees to stare defeat defiantly in the face turns me into a quivering mess.

When the rules of amateur wrestling start to get bent, things get really interesting!

But truth be told, it’s Eli’s rematch against Jake Jenkins in Mat Rookies 1 that put the distance between Eli and the rest of the pack to propel him across the finish line first as homoerotic wrestler of the month.  Eli conceded in my recent interview with him that he has a grudging respect for Jake, and if he was forced to take a tag team partner, it’s be him. Watching Mat Rookies 1 gives you the context for that comment. After Jake schooled Eli hard for his rookie debut at RHW, they show up for this rematch on the mats for BG East. They’re both gorgeous in their singlets, and the initial amateur-style sparring is incredible to watch. They both give running commentaries on the holds and moves, as well as on their relative assessments of how each of them is doing in the match. They’re beautifully matched in both muscle and technical skill. If they’d grown up in the same place, I’m sure they’d have been best buddies, teammates on the wrestling team, and friendly competitors for being feared and adored the most in the cutthroat world of adolescence.

When the singlets come off, the rules go out the window.

But the stakes in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly different than those on the high school wrestling team. When Jake peels out of his sweat-soaked singlet, stripping down to his orange jock strap, Eli sees it for what it is: just another challenge. Not to be outdone by the beautiful physique of handsome, young Jake, Eli shrugs out of his singlet straps and strips down to his white jock strap, insisting that just like his wrestling, his body is better than Jake’s as well.

Nobody seems to be able to resist gut punching that wall of rippled muscle!

Locked in bare-assed combat, the boys demonstrate why amateur wrestling skills take you only so far once you’ve reached the ranks of underground homoerotic wrestling.  Amateur wrestling doesn’t offer the opportunity to see two bare-assed hardbodies pick each other up by the hair and slam one another into walls (I’d be much, much more into amateur wrestling if they did). Jake and Eli didn’t learn ab claws and gut punching and suspended surfboards and over-the-knee backbreakers from high school wrestling practice. Fortunately for us, they picked it up elsewhere, and they unleash every above and below board move at one point or another to lay down layer after layer of humiliating domination.

Eli wipes the smirk right off of Jake’s face with a bare-handed choke.

Jake is the smart-ass in this match. He smirks a lot. He laughs off clearly painful holds that Eli applies. He intentionally goads the rookie, questioning his manhood. His psychological strategy, for the most part, is to stay ice cool regardless how hot the contest heats up, letting rash, short-tempered Eli burn himself out and run himself into a corner with impetuosity.  Every time Jake muscles his way on top and controls Primus, he snorts and chortles, building the psychologically dominating argument that he’s destined to beat Eli.

Jake threatens to snap Eli in half.

But I have to admit that Eli’s half-centimeter long fuse is what soaks up my attention. He rides his rage like he’s in a rodeo. He counts up every indignity that he suffers at Jake’s hands in order to keep a running tally of the humiliation that he must, he will, he is destined to eventually return with interest paid. In the past, I’ve mentioned this notion of a wrestler staying “present” as something that turns me on and just isn’t always something you can count on, but Eli’s focus is like a laser beam. I forget that there had to be at least one or two other guys crammed into the mat room that day to film this gem, primarily because Eli is one fiercely focused mother fucker!

Shades of Brad Rochelle from Wrestlefest 2, Jake is ready to bag and tag his prey.

Both of these boys work… their… ASSES off in this match, which is also something that can’t be assumed. And by the time Jake hoists Eli across his shoulders and parades him around the ring like a stag he’s shot on opening day of hunting season, Eli’s rock hard vulnerability absolutely makes me gasp. All of the nuance and character in the match makes being captured in Jake’s torture rack exquisitely poignant and climactic. The battle has waxed and waned for both combatants, and it’s looked like it’s over many times already.  But finally, it seems like cocky and calm Jake had the winning strategy, letting Eli’s rash rage burn itself right out in a pool of outmuscled sweat and tears. All of Eli’s predictions of how he’s going to conquer the world, tame any foe, and become the franchise look like the dashed dreams of a hero from Greek mythology. Jake is stunningly powerful, and the look of primal joy/rage on his face as he struts around the mat and bounces Eli’s tortured back across his shoulders is the spitting image of another young, muscled frat boy seizing destiny by the balls and settling in for some well-earned self-congratulations.

“Go… to… SLEEP!”

Eli’s done that clawing his way back from the brink of despair that turns me on so hard. He’s battled long and hard. He’s sold me that he’s burned every last ounce of fuel in his tanks (of both physical and psychological stamina). Primus has told me that story that moves me so deeply. And then, holy fuck! He delivers two sharp elbows into Jake’s temple. As Jake stumbles and begins to drop Primus, Eli has captured Jake’s throat with his right arm before his feet have touched the mat. Out of nowhere, Eli locks on a beautifully tight, perfectly positioned sleeper. Jake fights it. The hit of dominating power and fate are still in his nostrils from the torture rack he commanded just moments ago. But ambitious young Eli remains clamped across Jake’s back like a python. Primus is gasping for air, still recovering from the torture rack. As Jake begins to melt in his arms, losing his hold on consciousness, the two sink to the mat with Eli’s cheek resting across the back of Jake’s head. “Go… to… SLEEP!” Eli gasps, almost pleadingly, desperate to put this most challenging rival down once and for all.

Jake dreams of past victories.

Just like in the ranking for HWOTM, Eli comes out on top. Both barely clad boys are nursing their wounds, neither one able to summon the strength to start the long journey out of the mat room. It’s done, as Jake pants desperately, regaining a solid handhold on consciousness and looking up to see Eli clutching his back, clearly still in agony. Grudging respect between these two?  Of course. And what does Eli say to sum up this destined-for-the-hall-of-fame 40 minutes?  “Pussy.” Of course.

Reigning 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month, Eli Black.

So last month was Eli Black month, leading to this month, as Primus returns to the throne of homoerotic wrestler of the month. It’s no wonder to me that he’s got his eye on running the show. He’s one fiercely entertaining, smoking hot wrestler. If I’ve said it once, I’m sure I’ll say it a thousand times. This is Eli Black’s world. You’re just living in it.

Somebody Needs a Step Ladder

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A couple of weeks ago, I called out BG East newbie Diego Diaz from Florida Fights 4 as my top still-frame choice of the new blood that I wanted to see in action. Long, gorgeous, untamed wildly curly hair… Diego is no clone. He looks like he eats raw meat and bench presses Smart Cars. And he looks mean. Really, really mean.
6’3″, 184 lbs. Diego Diaz looks mean.
It’s taken me days, quite literally, to manage to see his debut match against Austin Cooper all the way through to the end. I’ve just been getting way too worn out along the way to keep going!  I’m infatuated with this giant of a man, and I’m instantly craving more.
Diego seems to understand the concept of power-bottoming

My post yesterday on the independent self-promotion of Steel Muscle God struck up a back channels conversation with one reader about sexy accents. I’m a sucker for a sexy accent growled out of a deep, bass voice echoing from a powerful chest. Just like SMG, Diego is doing just fine in English as a second language. In fact, for someone who’s apparently not a native speaker, he delivers some of the most entertaining, nearly non-stop trash talk that I’ve seen in a long time!
Diego completely dwarfs 5’9″ Austin
“Let’s see how much fighting you have in those Captain America speedos of yours!” he snarls, stretching his long, long, LONG legs over the top rope as he climbs into the ring.  Last month I mused on the topic of tall men in homoerotic wrestling, and Diego pushes those buttons as well. He’s listed as 6’3″, but his swagger and that bush of slightly insane curls on top of his head make him seem at least three inches taller than that to me. Austin is reportedly a half a foot shorter than Diego, but he comes across as nothing short of juvenile looking up at the towering giant in front of him.
“Tough guy, huh?” a cocky Austin asks. “You know who I am, right?”
Austin suffers altitude sickness throughout the match.
Diego laughs long and indulgently. It’s an evil and genuinely amused laugh that makes me melt. “I really don’t care who you are,” Diego finally growls back with that knee-buckling accent. “I know where you’re heading to. And it’s right here,” the Latin stud drops to one knee and slaps the mat in the middle of the ring. Once again, the recruiters at BG East have done much, much more than comb through the catalogs of unemployed underwear models to sign this so-called “rookie.” This gorgeous giant is dripping with confidence and he gives every impression that he’s spent months on end in the ring long before he stretched his freakishly long legs over the top rope to stand face-to-face (well, face-to-sternum) with Austin. He’s literally walking the top rope within the first 5 minutes of this match, for god’s sake!!!
Austin spends a lot of time looking up in this match.
Austin’s asking for it from t-minus 15 seconds to the very last knock-out blow of this match. It’s the American flag trunks, or, as Diego puts it, “those Captain America speedo.” They seem to bring out the over-inflated, yet somehow sniveling bitch in beefy goldenboy Austin. The curl of his upper lip, the cupie-doll-inspired faux hawk, and his complete disrespect and disregard for his skyscraper of an opponent make it impossible for me not to take deep satisfaction in discovering that Diego is hitting the BG East roster as a ringer. Not 10 minutes into the match, and he’s captured Austin cold in the middle of a flying cross body, catching him like a sack of laundry, hoisting Captain America up across his upper chest, and then heaving Austin’s beautifully muscled body a good 8 feet across the ring. “You need to stop with this bullshit!” Diego scolds him. “This ain’t for kids; do you know what I’m saying!?”
Diego exploits gravity with a spine-busting leg drop from  the heavens.
Austin tries not to respond to Diego’s barrage of trash talk. Perhaps he doesn’t understand the accent. I for one, understand Diego loud and clear. His #1 tool in his tool belt is dropping any pointed thing he can find (a fist, an elbow, a knee) down onto Austin’s abs from the stratospheric heights that this Latino giant inhabits. His second most effective tool (though, I have to say, it’s my #1 favorite move to see a giant like this apply) is using those mile long legs to scissor Captain America, rolling him back and forth, front to back, slamming him face-first and then back-first into the mat. Austin screams like a bitch, kicking his feet pointlessly. A third strategy that looks like it could seriously send Austin to the hospital is the assault on his core from repeated shoulder blocks that Diego spears into him when he’s trapped in the corners. Diego’s feet leave the mat around the middle of the ring in order to turn the Latino giant into a projectile for delivering blunt force trauma.
Diego Diaz makes an impact with every inch of his 6’3″
Austin gets 1 pin fall and 1 submission out of the big man, both relying on underhanded tricks and out-and-out cheating. He wraps Diego up into a small (huge) package and slaps down a rapid fire 3-count like he’s pounding out a drum roll. The surprise fall infuriates Diego, as he chases a fleeing, cowardly Austin outside the ring to exact revenge. “No one’s going to play me like that!” Diego barks ominously. When Austin has a shred of momentum a little later, he retreats outside the ring again to do his damnedest to fuck up Diego’s knee. Pounding it into the corner of the ring apron, hanging the Latino hunk by it from the middle rope, and then latching on a ball-crushing figure-4 leg lock with Diego astonishingly straddling the ring post (this move brought to you by the freakishly hot genetics of 6’3″ Diego).
Austin knows that unless he maims the big man permanently, he’s in deep shit.
Defenders of the stars and stripes will not be proud of the tactics that our goldenboy resorts to in order to even the score in this match. He is, as Diego points out, a “coward” and a “bitch.” So when Austin starts tiring out climbing up Mt. Everest over and over, there’s some sweet satisfaction in seeing Diego start to hammer down and humiliate the goldenboy severely. The final 10 minutes or so of this match reinforce what was so clearly apparent from the first seconds of seeing the ripped giant step over the top rope to enter the ring for the first time. Lovely, long Diego is a fully formed heel! He stomps the living shit out of Austin without even a hint of human compassion or mercy. “I told you that’s what you get when you play with the big guys: you get beat down!” A backbreaker in nose-bleed altitude, hanging upside down helplessly across Diego’s shoulder, is stunning to see and clearly impossible for Austin to take for more than about 5 seconds. Diego finally acknowledges the submission and flings the pretty patriot to the mat like taking out the trash. “Don’t come in here with your little spinnings and twists and think your going to beat me!” he spits, starting to stride out of the ring having delivered his message to BG East.
Diego is working over Austin, but he’s got his eye on you.
“You’re still just a tall pussy,” Austin says, flat on his back having just screamed out a submission like a whiny bitch. Some might call it balls, taking a beating that humiliating and then spitting out a gasping attempt at emasculation. As for me, it looks like a musclehead jock unaccustomed to being physically inferior to an opponent just not knowing when to shut up. Happily, Diego’s pride is bruised enough by the pitiful insult that he has to climb back in the ring and shut Captain America up for good. He delivers a one-handed choke slam, lifting Austin high off his feet with just a little gratuitous help from yanking the stars and stripes high up Austin’s crack, and then pounding the faux hawked golden boy into la-la-land.
Diego makes being so bad look so good!
Where the fuck did BG East find this guy!? These are two incredibly hot wrestlers. This is my very favorite genre: ring action. These stunners use every inch of the ring, the ropes, the turnbuckles, the corner posts, the ringside benches, the lockers, and the cinder block walls to do their very best to fuck one another up. The sexy Latino giant let’s loose a steady stream of withering trash talk. In other words, this is my kind of homoerotic wrestling! Get Diego Diaz back in the ring, rápido!
BG East boys take note: Diego Dias is in the building!

A Tough Little Shit

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Joe at Ringside at Skull Island has detailed what’s going so right in gay underground wrestling to produce the likes of Rock Hard Wrestling’s latest release, pitting brawny golden boy Austin Cooper against Eli “the Shutdown” Black. As is so often the case, I agree with Joe in every point he raises. Continuing my own train of thought after learning from Joe’s reflections, I’m compelled to linger a little longer on this little piece of the mountain of evidence that this is, indeed, Eli Black Month.

Bodyslam breaks down this gorilla press to perfection!

“I’m supposed to wrestle you?” Austin asks when he climbs into the ring and takes a look at Eli. “I don’t know, dude, you’re kinda small. Do you wanna, like, play a board game or something you might be able to win at?” Eli’s just a couple inches shorter than the golden boy, but he’s giving up an astonishing 30 pounds of thick, mouthwatering muscle. However, the words “giving up” and “Eli Black” in the same sentence are an unlikely combination. “Sounds to me like you’re just trying to find an excuse to not get your ass beat by somebody smaller than you,” Eli responds to Austin’s taunts, cool as ice.

“Wow, dude!” Austin chuckles. “Guy’s got a little mouth on him.” Indeed, as Joe points out, this 3-fall match is a gorgeous and athletic rendition of the classic big-vs-little pro wrestling battle that’s been told for generations. While the path has been well-worn, Austin and Eli walk it very, very entertainingly.  Austin suggests opening with a game of mercy (aka, “test of strength”). Eli’s ego is about 4 time bigger than his ripped to shreds body, so he of course (possibly foolishly) agrees. They lace their fingers together and flex their wrists. Eli pours out everything he’s got, straining and huffing and puffing. Austin rolls his eyes and then looks at the camera, demonstrating that he isn’t about to break a sweat.  “Don’t mock me!” Eli snarls through gritted teeth, his pride already injured a couple of minutes into the action.

Austin hangs Eli from the ropes like laundry on the line

There are two Austin Coopers in this match, and both of them combined into one person are exponentially sexier than either one on his own. First, there’s Austin, budding into potentially “the dreamiest heel of all time,” as Joe puts it. It’s not as if he needs to break the test of strength with a sucker-shot knee lift to Eli’s gut. He clearly doesn’t need to pick up and twist Eli’s taut muscles like a pretzel, hanging him like freshly rung laundry from the ropes in order to pound his knee into Eli’s legendary rock hard core. It’s not like Austin needs to kick Eli when he’s down. But like asking Mallory  “why climb Everest,” Austin dishes out unnecessary roughness all over Eli’s battered body for a simple reason: because it’s there. But there’s another Austin Cooper in the ring in this match. He’s every bit as beautiful, bulging, and brawny. But he’s a sensitive, empathic playmate checking on Eli’s well-being with concern. “Are you all right?” he asks with apparent sincerity, even moments before that other Austin rains down another barrage of fists to Eli’s abs. “I’ll help you up,” Austin offers when Eli is struggling to pull himself up to his feet, a half a second before that other Austin bends over, wraps his bronzed, muscled arms around Eli from behind, and hoists the fierce scrapper up off his feet into yet another rear bearhug.  After evil Austin rings out one of the sexiest OTK backbreaker submissions I’ve ever seen, Eli starts round 2 cringing and clutching his throbbing lower back. “You really did a number on my back for that one!”Eli snarls angrily. Empathic Austin replies, “Yeah. I feel bad for that. Come on, let’s just go…” But just as amiable Austin is helpfully about to suggest that Eli take a breather in the corner, evil Austin suddenly sucker punches Eli and laughs at him for being so gullible.

The agony and the ecstasy – The most gorgeous wrestling pic ever?

Both Austin Coopers learn not to underestimate every ounce of the dangerous 140 pounder in front of them. One taunt too many, one humiliation to far, and Eli’s MMA training kicks on like autopilot just as Eli seems to be too dazed to defend himself. Primus goes to work on one joint after another, effectively neutralizing all those golden muscles of Austin’s and, more importantly, shutting him the hell up!  He pries Austin’s left knee backward so severely that the “big boy” is in danger of having his own boot shoved up his ass (with his foot still in it!). “Kiss your boot!” Eli snaps angrily, ready to dish out just as much humiliation as he can take. Eli is like a swarm of bees, stinging all over Austin’s luscious body leaving the golden boy with nothing to do but writhe and squirm, defenseless to even know where the next stinger will land.  “It’s a shame your tag team partner Jenkins ain’t here, big boy, to save you!” Eli’s crotch-ripping grapevine displays his fierceness and Austin’s mouthwatering physique, both to perfection. “Time to finish this!” Eli growls through gritted teeth. “And it’s going to end with you lookin’ like a bitch!”

Crucified and just so much workout accessory

Falls even at one a piece, there’s mutual respect filling up all the open spaces between these two cocky young athletes. “You’re a tough little shit,” Austin grudgingly admits. “You surprised me a bit.”  Eli grins at having forced that reluctant praise out of his 30 pound bigger opponent. “I told you,” he replies, “I gotta get my name out there.”  The final fall is down and dirty. Eli paints on still another coat of humiliation, taunting and toying with vulnerable Austin when the golden boy is completely under his control. But Eli’s got 2 strikes going against him. Strike one: he’s fighting 2 different Austin Coopers at the same time, and that fact seems to unsettle even scrapper Eli on occasion, not knowing who he’s facing from moment to moment. Strike two: Eli puts 110% effort into absolutely every move, every hold, every punch, stomp, and slam. Sure, that puts the “big boy” on his back repeatedly, but Eli’s body has taken a serious beating by the time round 3 is well under way. Another atmospheric belly-to-belly splash delivered by Eli clearly hurts “the Shutdown” at least as much as it damages Coop. Sure, a flying cross-body slams Austin to his back, but getting up (slowly), it’s Eli who’s clutching at his throbbing abdominal muscles, quivering from the impact. Even 110% of what he’s got left in his tank isn’t enough for Eli to pull off a second flying cross-body, and the bronzed muscle boy catches him in mid-air. It’s steadily downhill from there for Primus. Once a ship the size of Austin has managed to change the direction of this match, there’s just nothing for Eli to do against wave after wave of Austin’s size advantage crashing squarely and repeatedly into Eli’s battered back. Evil Austin does leg presses with Eli crucified across his back helplessly.  The ultimate indignity (just ask Kid Karisma), Austin drops his meaty ass like dead weight across Eli’s quivering lower back.

The RHW camera work is, as always, incredible. The high definition close up of Eli’s sweat-soaked face contorted in agony as he writhes on the mat with Austin circling like a lion toying with his lunch is nothing short of exquisite.  Austin plays the possibly psychopathic split-personality heel to perfection, leaving you never quite sure if he’s certifiable, or if he could really and truly possess a viscously sadistic sarcasm that dry. And although this doesn’t quite turn out the way “the Shutdown” probably intended, I’m not about to doubt for even a second that Eli’s soaking up his lessons in the school of hard knocks, conceding the battle in order to win the war and accomplish his explicit goal: to take over the underground wrestling world. It’s Austin Cooper and Austin Cooper winning the match. But this is Eli Black’s Month.

*My thanks to Rock Hard Wrestling for sending me some unpublished stills from this match to post here. All shots from RHW are used with permission, and as gorgeous as they are (that shot of Austin’s crotch ripping in half with Eli looking on like an evil genius might be my fav homoerotic wrestling pic ever), they’re just at taste of how hot the action-in-motion is in this match!

Public Service Announcement:

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This is Eli Black’s world. You just live in it.

True story: Out of the blue, a few days ago I got an instant message from Primus himself, Eli Black. He said that I’d “probably want to mention on your site that April is ‘Eli Black Month.” Well, hello to you, too, Eli! To what do we owe the honor of celebrating Eli Black Month? Turns out in April it’s going to be raining Eli! And when it rains Eli, it pours!

Eli’s arm raised in victory in the steel cage last weekend

To kick off Eli Black Month, just days ago the Shutdown did his magic all over some unlucky punk on his way to winning a 2nd round submission with a rear naked choke in his most recent MMA fight. For real.  All that muscle and all that attitude don’t just entertain us troops of fans. He’s also one seriously dangerous pit bull in the cage. Can you imagine having that muscled warrior wrapped around you from behind, squeezing you between his legs and slowly, precisely crushing your windpipe with his forearm? Hell. And yes.

UCW’s XanJey grabs a handful of Primus

Eli unilaterally designated April as his month because he’s also got his fine, fine, fine ass due to appear in one wrestling match after another for our corner of the wrestling audience. First up, catch Joe’s review of Eli’s debut appearance at UCW. I haven’t seen the match yet, but Joe has posted a pic of Eli’s opponent crushing Primus’ balls, and his green trunks are clearly wedged way, way up that gorgeous ass Eli’s not shy about mentioning. Truth be told, I’ve heard a little shit about UCW that’s kept me away, but Eli Black on the docket is bringing them some class and a second look from me.

Exclusive shot of the action at RHW: Eli ripping Austin in half (and loving it)

Are an MMA victory and a UCW debut enough to make this Eli Black Month? Don’t answer until you hear this: Just a couple days ago, Rock Hard Wrestling released their latest product, featuring a match up that makes my mouth water just thinking about it: Eli facing Austin Cooper. Eli is giving up 30 pounds to beefy golden boy Austin. He gets rocked (literally) to a first fall submission, those mind-boggling abs stretched so sweetly across Austin’s meaty thigh in an OTK backbreaker, only to inspire Eli to get down and dastardly for a round 2 mauling of Austin’s impressive abs (but let’s face it, he’s no Eli Black). Check Joe at Ringside at Skull Island for the definitive review (I’ll have more to add in a couple days), but holy shit, Austin lifts, tosses, slams, and basically shot-puts Primus all over the place! In the ropes, hanging upside down in the turnbuckle… sweet man alive, Eli takes a hell of a beating and keeps bouncing back for more!

Eli’s rear choke makes Jake Jenkins reconsider the wisdom of this rematch

So an MMA victory, a UCW debut, and a Rock Hard pretty boy pounding? But wait, there’s more! When Eli talked about some of his then-unreleased matches for BG East in my interview in February, it was his re-match against muscle stud Jake Jenkins that caught my (and several readers’) attention first. The advanced release promotional pics that the boys at BG East generously let me post illustrated the best news I’ve heard in months: this is a jockstrap match! I have to think it was a crush of calls from fans desperate to taste this promised delicacy for themselves that resulted in BG East releasing this visual feast of a match as part of Mat Rookies 1 in their just moments ago published catalog 92.

Coming and going: April is Eli Black Month

An MMA victory, a UCW debut, a Rock Hard ring match, and an epic (and extremely rare) BG East rematch with body beautiful Jake Jenkins!? To top it off, Eli gave me the heads up that his birthday is also in April. As always, it’s just hard to argue (or at least win an argument) with Eli Black (unless you’re Joe, then it seems like it’s hard not to argue with Eli!). With the body of evidence Eli has presented, along with the additional sentimental fact that the Shutdown is about to celebrate a birthday, I just can’t come to any other conclusion. So just sit back, turn on, tune in, and just concede the facts: April is, indeed, “Eli Black Month.”

Say My Name!!!

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As I’ve been spending quality time with Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper in the ring, I’m finding more and more that turns my crank. My reigning homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division) is like a maestro, conducting this symphony of slaps, grunts, groans and bangs with awe inspiring grace. 
Kid K looks like he might kum to the soundtrack of
Austin Cooper’s screams.
There’s a knee-buckling moment for me when Kid Karisma locks up Austin’s ankles underneath his armpits and drops that jaw-droppingly gorgeous ass on top of Austin’s entirely mouthwatering derrière. Kid K is literally glowing with the overhead lights bouncing off his bulging muscles coated in such thick sweat I swear I can smell it. Kid is a vision, with a primal lust to dominate reaches climax as his face is transported into ecstatic reverie. Lovely Austin is screaming like 9-year old girl, but his bulging crotch leaves no room to mistake the fact that he’s all man, and he’s all twisted up in complete, hopeless, helpless humiliation.  “Say you give!” demands Kid K with a grin.  When Austin finally screams it out obediently, the karismatic one, chuckles and says, “Wait, wait, wait… what, what, what? I DIDN’T hear you!” he adds arching backward and wrenching Austin’s back harder.  It’s a climactic moment for me as well, but then Kid K sends me right over the top by refusing to let Austin admit defeat until he’s said his conquer’s name. “Now say, ‘I give Kid Karisma!'”
“I GIVE Kid Karisma!!!”
Holy hell I LOVE that! The intimacy quadruples in an instant. The submission is just the beginning as Kid K refuses to let up even after Austin’s tapped. Austin finally gasps through his sublime suffering, “I give… Kid… Karisma!” He chokes and sputters. Kid K flings Austin’s beautiful, beefy legs to the mat with contempt, stands up still straddling the rookie’s gorgeous glutes, and flexes for himself in the mirror.  I’ve lost it a half a dozen times before I can manage to get through all the way to simply admire Kid K’s stunning display, marveling not just a little over the major bulge stretching the crotch of his shiny black trunks. Fuck yes, Austin had better remember the name Kid Karisma!
Vintage Beau Hopkins chokes Jimmy Royce’s submission (and obedience)
right out of him.

This “say my name” moment transports me back to the first homoerotic wrestling product I ever purchased, Can-Am’s Canadian Musclehunk Oil Wrestling 3. Specifically, the wet muscle tussle between butt-tastic Jimmy Royce and handsome company man, Beau Hopkins intrudes on my thoughts. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this match before. Royce and Hopkins are incredibly appealing. Jimmy seems to have a trick shoulder that gives him trouble, and like an opportunistic dick, Beau goes to wrenching that shoulder with arm bars over and over again. This would have been annoyingly repetitive if it weren’t usually accomplished with Jimmy on his stomach, trying not to swallow baby oil, and Beau straddling Jimmy’s INCREDIBLE muscle ass. I could look at that view for days. Beau attacks Jimmy’s trick shoulder for the 400th time, and all of those sweet, sculpted muscles on Jimmy turn to jelly when Beau’s got his arm torqued too far for Jimmy to be able to resist absolutely anything. Beau makes him lick the oil and sweat that are pooling on the blue tarp. He exploits and abuses Jimmy’s knees and lower back. Finally, a little awkwardly, he slides his legs around Jimmy’s throat and begins to squeeze. Jimmy tries to pry himself free, but Beau grabs his wrists and keeps him helpless on his back, feeling the air and blood pinched off between Beau’s knees digging into his throat.  “Say the word!” Beau barks at Jimmy. “Do you give, Jimmy Royce!?” He finally squeezes two humiliating “I GIVES!” out of Jimmy, but Beau holds on for one more. “Say it again! Say ‘I give Mr. Beau Hopkins!” Jimmy croaks it out, full of bitter resentment, “I… give… Mr. Beau…….. Hopkins.”

Mr. Jimmy Royce turns the tables.

After dropping the first fall, Jimmy battles back for a surprise 2nd fall victory by locking up Beau’s arms with his luscious legs (good GOD this man had to have been a dancer!). The chicken wing is incredibly tasty.  Beau’s hot torso and barely contained bulge writhe and buck, but all Jimmy has to do is squeeze and Beau’s arms start to pop right of out his shoulder sockets. Jimmy taunts his opponent, asking if he wants to quit. “You’re finished!” Jimmy proclaims without any doubt. “Do you want to give? Huh, do you want to give yet, baby?” Ferociously Beau refuses with a deep, wolverine growl, “Never!” Jimmy squeezes his meat-packed thighs a little harder and makes Beau gasp in pain and quickly rethink his absolutes. He finally gives, but Jimmy insists, “I can’t hear you!” Beau growls out another contemptuous submission and Jimmy prods him on at the end, “… Mr.?  Mr. Jimmy Royce?” Jimmy demands retribution, insisting on hearing Beau not just admit defeat, but say the name of the muscle stud who’s conquered him from behind. “Mr. WHO!?” Beau spits defiantly at first, but when it’s clear Jimmy can either hold him helplessly like this forever or, perhaps, snap his shoulders apart completely, Beau reluctantly, bitterly snaps, “I… give… Mr…. Jimmy…….. Royce!”

Reigning Favorite Homoerotic Wrestler, Kid Karisma
bulges in ALL the right places!

Unlike for Kid Karisma, Jimmy learns the hard way that payback is one seriously nasty bitch. He goes down in the 3rd fall as a result of Beau going yet again for the trick shoulder. But even with all that oil, all those muscles, Jimmy’s slamming muscled ass, that hot, wet, tight wrestling action… it’s the submissions that demand of the loser to name the winner that stick out as the highlights of those falls. There’s just something primal about shoving your name down your opponent’s throat, like owning a bit of his soul just like you’ve completely owned his body. I’m sure there are plenty of other examples of the “Say My Name” submission (please do tell!), but I’m awfully pleased with Kid K’s latest rendition of this hot, hot, hot erotic wrestling maneuver!

Hotter Than I Can Imagine

wrestlebard14 Comments
Yesterday something momentous happened. This is something that just doesn’t happen often. It played out like this… I posted yesterday on Kid Karisma’s report back to me that Austin Cooper was not the sore loser whose ego just couldn’t tolerate getting owned by Kid K. Apparently, there’s still some as yet unreleased match between Kid K and an opponent who walks away seriously pissed. Most of the time, Kid K assures us, once he’s dominated a lucky hunk in the ring, there are no hard feelings. Typically, roughed up egos are soothed with Kid’s classic concoction of karisma and commitment to bacchanalian delights. They all go out partying together once club gear replaces boots, kneepads and trunks. As is the norm, Kid Karisma revealed yesterday, Austin was out partying with Kid K soon enough after their recently released ring match for Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight DVD.
Kid Karisma can read my mind
As is my way, this sent my imagination into overdrive, picturing these two ripped, gorgeous, hot as hell young hunks tearing up the dance floor side-by-side.  With hatchets buried, Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper hitting the clubs and shaking their respective world class asses together was instantly an image that possessed my imagination with an iron grip.  Then, as if reading my mind, I received this pic from Kid K:
Kid and Coop on the dance floor before the party begins

Turns out, Kid K and Austin beat my imagination to the punch. This is apparently a shot of the two of them early on in an evening out clubbing, studying themselves in a wall of mirrors. It doesn’t look like there are many fellow-partyers yet there, but ohmygod what lucky, lucky (luckyluckylucky) bastards were those who walked onto the dance floor that night to see the sculpted physiques of Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper doing my 3rd most favorite thing to do with hard, hot bodies like theirs!

In my imagination yesterday, I had suggested that the only thing that could make that scene any hotter was to throw Jake Jenkins into the mix to form a perfect storm of blond, red-headed, and brunette hunkiness that would surely bring fellow partiers to their knees.  A short time later, I received this little treasure guaranteed to drive me insane:

Now the party can really begin!!!

I do believe in a god, because the karismatic one answered a prayer that I hadn’t even dared to voice out loud. I suppose that may make this threesome the holy trinity, but I’m going to stop the religious analogies there before I get complaints from the devout fringe who may read this blog. I may be too old and not nearly pretty enough to get in the door of any club that might be the setting to see this truly awe-inspiring scene of gorgeous bodies, but having one prayer answered already, my next prayer is to see something like this in person before I die. The smiles on their glassy-eyed faces are making me melt as I see superimposed overtop of them the picture of Austin pounding the shit out of Jake in their jockstrap BGE debut Ripped Rookies… and Kid Karisma tying Jake’s spine like a bow around the ring post in their No Mercy Hunkbash… and what I can only imagine will be a feast for the eyes to watch Kid K and Austin’s new release for Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight (which I’ll be enjoying soon!).

Crowning a New Champion: Kid Karisma

The answer to prayers (or the reading of my mind) by Kid Karisma and his camera isn’t actually the momentous event that I mentioned to start this post. Following up on a fantastically hot, candid, provocative interview to start 2012, the stunning beauty of Kid K and Austin’s match in still frame, and these behind the scenes shots of three of the most gorgeous young homoerotic wrestlers in action today, something even more momentous happened: Kid Karisma knocked Lon Dumont out of the spot of my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy)! Lon has absolutely owned that title for ages, and I’m still awfully devoted to him as he remains top contender to retake the title, but without a Lon release in Catalog 91 and with Kid K fulfilling my fantasies before I even have them, there’s just no doubt about it. There’s a fiery, no shit, hardbodied, blue-eyed, freckle-faced, red-headed rugby player turned homoerotic wrestler in undisputed ownership of the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division): Kid Karisma.