There’s been some confusion about the BG East Best of 2014 poll. For the record, it is still open, and will remain so until midnight tomorrow night, February 8. You can find the poll through the homepage by clicking on the “All 2014 Releases” button and then clicking the poll banner at the top of the page, or simply click here to go to the poll directly.
Let’s take a look at a few more categories. What defines a babyface is fiercely debated among some wrestling fans. When I’m thinking of babyfaces (which is often), I’m picturing a wrestler who is eye-catchingly beautiful, earnest, optimistic, trusting in the rules of wrestling and human decency to make the wrestling ring an honest to god contest of strength and technical skill. A babyface is stoked to be cheered and admired. He expresses contempt for vile evil doers who take short cuts and disregard rules and good sportsmanship. As I look at the field of BG East Bestie nominees for Top Babyface of 2014, that’s the standard I’m holding up to each of this sizzling hot leading men. Let’s take a look at who’s in the running.
Kip Sorell certainly has “dazzlingly beautiful” down to perfection. He’s also earnest and eager. Kip jobs so blindingly fast, it’s hard to tell exactly what his take is on things like “rules,” because he’s typically flat on his back and reeling within seconds of the start of a match. He does wear white to perfection, though, which seems very true-to-babyface.Zach Reno (left) surprises with yet another appearance in the 2014’s poll, despite only appearing in one match (and a tag team bout, at that). He clearly made a huge impression, and he’s already making fans swoon in 2015 with his hairier, hunkier rendition of the same Michelangelo’s David form he showed in 2014. But 2015 is not 2014. Was he best babyface in 2014?Jake Jenkins has owned top babyface two years running, and he’s back to slap down the opposition yet again. It’s hard to argue that JJ fits the babyface typology to perfection, particularly when he slides that hot bod inside American flag trunks, as he did in 2014. Heroic, earnest, banking on strength, skill, speed, and flexibility to overcome dirty tricks. Hard to beat!Is it too soon for 2014 newbie Richie Douglas to make a full fledged run for Top Babyface? I’m torn, because the rockin’, ripped boy next door is achingly beautiful, straight up sincere, facing down long odds like a hot jock who’s never heard of a short cut. I think his stock is rapidly on the rise, but has he owned Top Babyface already?3-time homoerotic wrestler of the month Denny Cartier makes me weak in the knees with his dimpled chin, bulging pecs, and full frontal offense. Has he ever, ever even bent a rule or been anything less than aggressively sportsmanlike? He’s not superhuman, but he’s somehow intensely, potently, powerfully, vulnerably human, heroic, and gorgeous.
For me, this category comes down to the tried and true, solidly developed babyface characters of Jake Jenkins and Denny Cartier. I think JJ’s momentum and unblinkingly fanatic fan base makes him the top contender for the popular vote, but my personal vote is finally leaning Denny’s way. JJ has an edge to him in some matches, a cocky, smirking, I’ll-go-as-low-down-as-you-dare-me-to attitude, whereas Denny just clenches that Clark Kent jaw and dishes out due respect almost every time. And in 2014 he had the distinction of taking that upright intensity to introduce Lon Dumont to mat wrestling, including finally getting bulldozed by the notorious pro heel. The dark horse who could defy the odds this year I think may be Kip Sorrel. I’m always a little surprised not to hear more buzz about the living Ken doll, so I’m wondering if there’s a silent majority out there just waiting to make Kip upend JJ.
Now let’s turn our attention to the category of Best Squash. This is a category that instantly turns off some fans who just don’t enjoy one-sided crushings. I, however, am not that type of fan. I fucking love gasping, dangerous maulings when both the pitcher and catcher sell it with enthusiasm. I think we have some notable contenders and, perhaps, some surprising absences in this year’s slate.
In Demolition 18, Guido Genatto so overhwlemed newbie Kirk Donahue in his doomed debut that the babyface punk literally tried to crawl on his belly from the ring to escape his brutalizer. Amazing sell. Total squash. Crotch tingling one-sided brutality.Jonny Firestorm is tried and true in dishing out squashes, having won last year for grinding jobber Drake Marcos into a pulp (I so know that feeling). This time, he turned his tornado offense on Nicholas Rush in Demolition 17. Classic heel-in-charge Jonny nearly beheading and breaking into pieces long, lean Nicholas. Squash!Another Demolition 18 match featured Flash LaCash taking pro muscle mayhem to the task of trashing the fuck out of Jake Jenkins. Flash made the most of JJ’s superhuman flexibility and endurance, twisting and tying the unlucky acrobat into some gravity defying holds I’ve never seen before. JJ screams. Flash laughs. Incredibly hot squash.In Jobberpaloozer 13, Austin Cooper literally broke newbie Leo Tomasi’s nose and laughed at the blood trickling out the lean stud’s nostrils. “Dr. Cooper” (as he dubbed himself) decided the medically advisable treatment was to hang the hot rook upside down in a tree of woe and keep on fucking him up. I love Dr. Cooper the heel, and Leo brought out one of the most magnificent crushings from him.Both Guido Genatto and Jake Jenkins are nominated in other products in this same category, which I think may very well split the votes of their most loyal fans. Guido’s mauling of JJ in Demolition 17 was spine tingling to watch, and Guido treated us frequently with glimpses of JJ’s bare ass with trunk pulls. Sensational squash, but was it best?
Two matches from Demo 17, two from Demo 18, and JJ and Guido showing up in multiple contenders? Very complex field to try to handicap. Personally, I’m going with the one and only non-Demo entry, because Dr. Cooper and Leo Tomasi owned me hardest and truly surprised me when I noticed how hot I found it to see Leo bleed. Dr. Cooper is an incredible heel, perhaps made more so by the distance he’s traveled since his heel turn. Honestly, I’m not sure at all how to predict where the majority may lean in this one with all of the overlaps, so I’m going out on a limb and saying I think the majority (and the hardcore Coop fans) will swing the vote the same way I’m going, with Jobberpaloozer 13. I’m also demonstrating the size of my balls by saying I think Jonny v Nicholas is a serious underdog this year. I have to also note that all of these Best Squash contenders are ring matches from just 3 products. What happened to Passion & Punishment 1, with Mason Brooks spanking Drake Marcos like the naughty boy his is, which may have been the most satisfying squash of the year in my book?
Now for the newest category in the BG East Besties, the vote for “Best Submissions in One Match.” I struggled with the variable construct of this category. It’s not “most submissions,” though I suppose some could vote with that interpretation. It’s not the best “submission” in a match, because the nominees aren’t specific submissions, but the matches themselves. It’s also hard to miss the fact that the nominees for Best Squash line up very closely with nominees for “Best Submissions in One Match,” making me think the nominating committee also lacked a little clarity in the scope and range of this debut category.
Jonny is the master of innovative submissions, so I totally buy the entry of Demolition 17, Jonny v Nicholas Rush here. Jonny, indeed, brought his inspiring understanding and mastery of human anatomy to ripping Nicholas apart and tearing one panicked submission after another out of him. This crotch-ripping, knee-wrenching, kneeling toe hold (what the fuck do you call this!?) is stunningly sexy wrestling sculpture. Hot, hot, hot submission.Submissions fly like a flock of sparrows when Cameron Matthews and Lorenzo Jake Lowe bring their deep arsenals of submission holds to Submissions 9. Two of the most accomplished submission wrestlers on the books, Cam and LJL stretch themselves and each other beyond belief. The arch, the bulge, the sweat, the way Cam is ripping apart at least 6 joints simultaneously in this hold is, again, a work of art.Demolition 18’s match featuring Guido Genatto & Kirk Donahue makes another appearance, and there’s no denying Guido “welcomes” Kirk to BG East with a barrage of some of the most terrifying ring submissions ever. I particularly love this choking backbreaker, with Guido leaning his face up close to Kirk’s cheek to hear the newbie gasp out panicked submissions over and over.Most submissions in one match may, arguably, have to be awarded to Wet & Wild 7, but that’s because 6 wrestlers were involved in every variety and pairing. Trey Dixon and Mason Brooks are specifically called out from this product for the nomination in this category, and I totally agree that these two hot bodied hunks put each other through some of the sexiest submission holds on record. This particular shot of Mason nearly knocked out cold in face-to-crotch headscissors, with Mason going limp right about the time Trey looks like he’s mid-orgasm, is one of the hottest submissions I can remember.Guido Genatto played Jake Jenkins’ hot, flexible body like a pipe organ in Demolition 17. JJ’s determination to go up against massively muscled indy pro veterans is hot (and more evidence of why he’s a 2-time Top Babyface winner), and Guido is a maestro of ring submissions. This leg lock, with JJ’s boots trapped against his groin, as backdrop for a neck-breaking chinlock is simply fantastic.
So I’m choosing to dole out my vote for this category based on particular submissions (to be specific, the one’s I’ve highlighted above). If it were “most innovative submissions,” I’d easily vote for Jonny & Nicholas. If it were most terrifying submissions, I’d probably take Guido and Kirk. I’m picking the best submission as in the one that I found sexiest, the one that recurred in my early morning wet dreams, the one that I replayed in real life and in my fantasies most, which was, for me, Trey Dixon’s poolside face-to-crotch orgasmic headscissors. Since the category itself seems spongy to me, predicting a winner is tough, but I’m thinking Cameron Matthews and LJL’s fans will swing this their way. I think the longest shot is Guido and Kirk, both because Guido fans will be split and because Kirk is such a new commodity.
So the Bard-approved ballot as it stands now looks like this:
The link the the Best of BG East voting disappeared from the BG East homepage, but I swear I saw that you had until Sunday at midnight to cast your ballots. Hopefully, if you’re still undecided, you still have time. And hopefully I can offer this voter’s guide and my personal take on the field in a few more categories. Let’s start today taking a look at the hotly contested and highly controversial Best Body nominees. What makes for “Best Body” has got to be even more subjective than what we evaluate as best body part by body part. Me, I like all sorts of bodies, but when I think “best” I think superior fitness, muscle mass, proportion, symmetry, balance, and that most subjective of them all, beauty. Here are the contenders for Best Body at BG East in 2014.
I’ve been explicitly campaigning for months for Kid Karisma to take the title this year, because, fuck, look! All those qualifiers I mention above as my personal criteria are summed up right here in my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler. He’s also making a play for a Best Butt 3-peat, and I’m slightly aghast that he didn’t get a nomination for Best Abs.For those who like them brawnier, burlier, hairier and with tweezed eyebrows, Chace LaChance is certain to make a strong showing. Interestingly he’s not a nominee for best butt, bulge or abs, but as a total package, he got the nod to join the field.Also Best Abs nominee Z-Man took the Best Body title last year, after going down to Rio Garza in 2012. I’ll say it again, Z-Man must have an aging portrait of himself in the attic somewhere, because he’s perpetually gorgeous and in top shape.Cal Bennett’s insurgency into the Best Abs and Best Body categories this year is ballsy and stunnning. He’s appeared in exactly 1 product thus far at BG East, but that was enough to get his liberally inked, stunning physique a nod for Best Bod. See my comments from a couple days ago about his body, honey, and my tongue.Goldenboy Austin Cooper (or Dr. Cooper, depending on the day) is dazzlingly beautiful, proportioned, balanced. That pretty face could possibly distract even his die hard fans from fully appreciating the top contender quality of that body. But probably not.
I haven’t been coy about saying for months Kid Karisma’s phenomenal fitness and picture perfect physique deserve the title of Best Body this year. The total package from top to bottom, front to back, in my opinion. I expect Z-Man to be making the strongest play to be at the head of this pack, possibly with Coop making a dark horse late run. If Cal pulls this out, I’m calling it a major upset and a huge bullseye painted on his finely muscled ass if he ever dares to step foot in the ring with any of his more seasoned and tested contenders.
Now let’s look at some of the match Besties. Selecting a photo to highlight a nominee’s claim to take the title for best-of-match categories is daunting. What single still frame captures a claim to make an entire match sexiest, or best on the mats? With humility, I’ve attempted to present some of what I think are the best claims for the following two categories, starting with Sexiest Match of 2014.
Cumming out of the gate hot and hard are Kayden Keller and Ty Alexander in their tandem debut in Raunchy Rookies 7. I think it says something significant to have a double debut be featured in the sexiest match contenders. RR7 burned it up, and win, lose or draw, I have to believe there are many more Bestie nominations heading both Kayden and Ty’s way.I admit to being slightly surprised to see X-Fights 38’s Drake Marcos v LJL and not see Drake and Ty’s Babyface Brawl X in this category. Nevertheless, Drake and LJL were two of the sexiest X-fighters at BGE this year, and their 38 fight was fucking mean and nasty. They hated each other start to finish, which makes it just that much sexier to see how prominently sexual domination became the story.Military Muscle 2 is another surprise entry here, as far as I’m concerned. Not because I didn’t think it was scorchingly sexy, but because it was far less sexually explicit than other matches that weren’t nominated. That said, MM2 demonstrates that a match doesn’t need to include cock-sucking in order to be blindingly sexy, and rookie Zion Brown’s gasping adoration of Kid Karisma is convincing and compelling.Pasion & Punishment 1 was the first time I sat up and took notice of Trey Dixon. His pairing here with Skrapper is nothing short of epic. Their confrontation is spilling over with raw, balls to the walls lust from the start, and the sexual tension makes my hard drive melt (seriously, I had to buy a new computer). I had to go back and verify that these two didn’t actually fuck on camera, because the sexual aggression is so damn explicit.Dark Knights 11 with Steven Ponce and Ray Dalton is clearly the choice for muscle fetish leather daddies and their stubborn boys. I’m regretting that Dark Knights 12 wasn’t the DK entry in this category, but it’s not hard to see why nominators gave Ray and Steven the nod here.
This category is a major struggle for me to settle on. My blogger v wrestler match with Drake was not nominated, and of course, other than my personal photographs of Drake’s post-match humiliation, you would be hard pressed to be able to make an informed vote our direction (though, take my word for it, it was sexy). So just looking at those that were nominated, personally, I’m completely torn between Raunchy Rookies 7, X-Fights 38, and Passion & Punishment 1. I know that there are wrestling fans out there that don’t like Skrapper, so I’m guessing Passion & Punishment may be a long shot, but at the end of the day, that’s where my vote goes. I’m also guessing it will be either Raunchy Rookies or X-Fights 38 that may be where the majority goes this time, which I will totally understand. Dark horse in this field I think is Dark Knights 11. I didn’t see a ton of buzz about it, but if the muscle fetish leather daddies snap the collars on all their boys, they’ll double their vote quickly and, potentially swing this their way.
Finally for today I’m taking a look at the Best Mat Battle nominees. This is another extremely tough slate to choose from, but you don’t pay me to dither. Wait, you don’t pay me at all! Oh well, onward and upward…
Submissions 9 with Cameron Matthews grappling with LJL has got to be a front runner in this category. Cam and LJL are major league mat tacticians, and that and about 2 gallons of sweat and some smoldering bitterness make Sub 9 insanely aggressive and the stuff that no one other than a contortionist should try.Passion & Punishment’s match with Drake Marcos and Mason Brooks makes a compelling argument. Two big egos enter the mat room, but one of them crawls on his belly out of the mat room having been actually tagged with a permanent marker to remind him what a consummate jobber he is. As much as I love watching Drake suffer, even I was worried at times in this match that the philosopher king Mason was going to literally break him… which makes a strong case for Best Mat Battle.But then the drama ensues in the Academy, as Mason is going up against himself in this category, also getting the nod for his work against Skrapper in Undagear 22. These are two of the fiercest mat boys on the books right now, and neither of them is going to concede to losing while conscious. Then again, there’s that anti-Skrapper faction out there.I was only slightly shocked to see Damien Rush and Joah Bindao’s Undagear 21 bout appear in this category. Shocked because I don’t think of it as cream of the crop mat work, but only slightly because Damien Rush getting schooled by a petite muscleman acrobat is always going to get attention. I loved the back and forth in this match. Lots of suspense and bruised egos.But if you’re jonesin’ for bruised egos, I’m guessing your choice very well may be Undagear 22’s match between Ray Naylor and Kid Karisma. Ray fucking HATES Kid K, and you get the impression he hates himself just a little for being unable to resist stroking Kid K’s luscious muscles (see my arguments for his Best Body claim). These two put the hurt on each other big time, and you know it was a special match when Kid K treats the loser to a free strip show after all is said and done.As long as Jake Jenkins is wrestling, I predict he will have at least one nomination in the Best Mat Battle category. He’s typically the master of the mats, but he bites off more than he can chew in Gazebo Grapplers 16, facing down big, beautiful newbie Carter Alexander. The outcome of this match is in question to the bitter end, and that end has got to be described as a stunning upset, so little wonder this shows up as a Best Mat Battle nominee.
Fuck, this is another hard choice. My vote, for what it’s worth, is going to Passion & Punishment’s Drake Marcos versus Mason Brooks. It was that match, and the 3-way interview I conducted with Mason and Drake that ultimately got the whole ball rolling to eventually find myself shutting Drake up with his trunks stuffed down his throat this past Fall. It’s also sweet drama, and watching Mason pick Drake apart, humiliate him worse and worse, strip him naked and leave his indelible mark clearly ignited a ton of fantasy’s-cum-true in me. I’m thinking the favorites in this category may be Cameron and LJL, though, possibly with Ray and Kid K being the dark horse here able deliver an upset.
If you haven’t finished your ballot yet, here’s what the Bard-approved slate of choices looks like:
As the longest night of the year passes, I thought I’d acknowledge that I’ve been relatively MIA around here, particularly when it comes to updating neverland. Just last month we experienced a big loss in the Bard household. I haven’t posted about it because grief is a buzz kill, and I didn’t want any of you to get your buzz killed along with mine. But as the year wraps up, I thought I’d explain my absence as far as saying that the end of this year seriously sucked. In addition to not posting here regularly, I also dropped the ball on at least 2 homoerotic wrestling related projects I committed to. Like I said, grief is a buzzkill, and I was struggling to get into it.
Last year, this was on my wish list.
Happily, my buzz is returning. Things left undone in the mean time include not sending my traditional Christmas wish list to Santa’s little elves to deliver goodies to share with you here. You may remember it was precisely that Christmas wish list last year that Drake Marcos filled with some provocative pics and a particular taunt that came back to bite him in the butt this fall. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever have quite such a fantasy wish list filled as climbing into the ring and gloating in victory over a too-big-for-his-britches sexy jobber wasted at my feet. Perhaps I should take a break from making wishes and just appreciate the good fortune last year’s list brought me. Then again, I wouldn’t say no to any choice pics of beautiful wrestling muscles Santa’s little elves send my way.
Ho-ho-ho!
Honestly, one of the things that’s been highlighted by my recent loss is the amazing community of support that this little blog has generated for me in the past 6 years. As certain as I am to never, ever let Drake live down his stripped and strung up humiliation at the hands of a mere blogger, I’m just as definite about counting the Cheshire Cat among my friends that I can turn to for a word of consolation, or a distraction, or a kick in the ass, whatever the situation requires. Several wrestlers and readers alike that I hear from regularly (not the charming “Hey dude, I’m going to fuck you up, so let’s wrestle” private messengers, but the others) reached out and offered thoughtful and compassionate words of support to me over the past several weeks. I’m a little in awe and humbled to recognize just how much that’s meant to me, and amazed to think that a shared infatuation with the eroticism of wrestling is the common denominator that shaped those personal connections.
Thunder’s Arena’s new Christmas Chaos 2014 release is threatening to get me right back in the mood. Damn, look at sexy as hell young Kris Kringle red-bearded beauty Frey!
For those of you in the middle of holiday celebrations, I add to my late-started wish list that you have a great time, surrounded by love and support and with at least one rip-and-strip wrestling match in store for you with a hardbodied fantasy man of your dreams. For those of you not in the middle of holiday celebrations,well, hey… same for you, but with a bottle of baby oil thrown in for a little extra fun. To those who have been inconvenienced because I’ve dropped the ball lately, my sincere apologies and genuine intention and expectation that I’ll be back at the work that I love the most (and pays me the least) in the coming weeks. And finally, to anyone else in our community that’s finding this time of year particularly fucked up because of recent loss, I hear you. I know what you mean. It’s going to be okay, but not before it keeps sucking some more. So hang in there.
I gave underdog Ray Naylor an extra week and a day to pull out what would have surely been the biggest upset in Friday Fashion history, but the lovely, lean, incredibly sexy scrapper was unable to mount the juggernaut that is Austin Cooper. Dr. Cooper (as he credentialed himself in Jobberpaloozer 13) metaphorically powerfucked Ray (as far as the poll), squashing the competition by a vote of 110 to 51 for who wore those gun metal grey designer square cuts best. Goldenboy Austin has been making wrestling fans salivate involuntarily from the moment we first saw him climb into the ring at Rock Hard Wrestling, but ever since his heel turn at BG East (well, at least part of his split personality appears to have sold his soul to the dark side), the passion for Dr. Coop’s muscle fueled ring destruction has gone off the charts. I’m not surprised he won by a 2 to 1 majority. Perhaps Ray has learned his lesson when it comes to daring to don the same gear as the Doctor in the very same catalog. Then again, maybe Ray doesn’t mind getting squashed by the likes of Austin. When it comes to who wore it best, it seems like a certainty Dr. Cooper will bend him over and make him cough every time!
In Gutbash 11, Dr. Cooper wore it best!Perfection from every angleThe doctor is in!
Here’s my last batch of contraband smuggled out of the BG East compound by OMI. Glimpses of as-yet-unreleased matches titillate, no doubt. The occasional capture of a fresh newbie we have yet to see in action is an exquisite and rare indulgence. But I wonder if OMI has gone too far this time. Today’s portfolio features what I think may be the real secret ingredients of BG East’s recipe for producing outstanding homoerotic wrestling fare, catalog after catalog. Here we see the making of the “sausage” so to speak, with The Boss himself quite clearly coaching, schooling, and working over the hottest young studs in the stable (including their sausages, by the look of it). There’s a certain quality to everything BG East produces, including a deep respect for foregrounding wrestling and a consistent erotic charge to even the unexplicit matches, and this glimpse of Kid Leopard going full throttle on some of the boys suggests to me at least 9 or 10 of the herbs and spices that go into BG East’s secret recipe. I think there’s no way that The Boss can be unaware of who took these pics. My only hope for OMI’s physical safety and longevity are that he might not have been the one with his finger on the shutter, but rather he scavenged these shots from the dark room floor. Otherwise, honestly, OMI could become OMSFU (Our Man Six Feet Under).
Pretty in pink, Austin Cooper stares down The Boss. I hope Austin can channel his inner Dr. Cooper, because the goldenboy good guy half of his split personality would get eaten alive!Last month’s HWOTMTrey Dixon is in a bad way, totally controlled and contorted in the hands of the master.And speaking of being “in the hands of the master,” of all Trey’s ripped, luscious muscles, there’s one muscle in particular that appears to be about to be throttled by Kid Leopard’s right hand. Personally, I’m hoping this is what The Boss does to every wrestler who earns the title of HWOTM, just to keep them in their place!There’s simply no disguising the fact that OMI has got a thing for the sexy rookie jobber Ty Alexander. And understandably so!Ty looks lean, mean, and ready to be devoured in pro ring gear and a studded collar. I hope we get to see what heel daddy put that collar on this babyface’s beautiful body!Is that baby oil making Ty’s back glisten? Nothing shiny can distract from Ty’s moneymaker, that juicy, squeezable bubble butt.Typically I get OMI photos without explanation or comments, but this mysterious photo from what looks to be a straight-up indy pro wrestling match in some anonymous high school gym came with a tagline directly from OMI: “The last one in the ring is of a Ty Alexander doppelgänger.” True enough, check out the smooth, tanned swimmer’s body, adolescent babyface, and hot, meaty ass sporting high fashion trunks on the left! 1. the ripped stud on the right is about to crush this lucky kid, and 2. I pray to the gods of homoerotic wrestling someone has tracked the doppelgänger down and signed him on to tag team with Ty!
Now I understand why they have “observers” at polling places. Earlier this morning when I checked, the votes for last week’s Friday Fashion polls went one way, but as I sit down to officially tabulate and announce the winners, the decision has narrowly swung differently. What shenanigans have been going on between then and now!? Well, check that, they have observers at polling places to intimidate historically disenfranchised voters. I don’t know whether intimidation was involved this time around, but whatever the reason, I’m calling both races as of this moment. The voting was insanely dramatic over the week. Both Ty Alexander and Drake Marcos hit social media to rally their fans to vote for them for their gear choices in Babyface Brawl X. They exchanged leads multiple times in both polls, for who wore the lime green briefs best and who wore the pink square cuts best. All-About-Ty had both fashion votes running his way this morning, but at the last moment, this one turned into a split decision. First up, let’s take a look at who wore the green briefs best. And keep reading to vote in this week’s Friday Fashion poll below!
It was deceptively angelic babyface Ty Alexander who pulled off the commanding victory for having worn the lime green Calvin Klein briefs best. With a vote of 100 to 85, fashion judges gave this one to the adorable ingenue. One voter commented that it was Ty’s tan that worked best with the fluorescent briefs. In social media sniping, I overheard young Ty taunt Drake for his pale complexion, so perhaps sweet Ty is banking on his all over bronzing to literally make the competition pale in comparison. Being cute as a button with a beautiful tan, however, isn’t something to bank on when it comes to wrestling victory, of course. Whatever the formula, it was the babiest of babyface rooks who pulled it off (or, more literally, was pulled off of him), and Ty Alexander wore it best.
On the other hand, it was the Cheshire Cat who was fashion forward in the pink and white square cuts, a victory pulled off by the skin of his teeth. Turning the corner sometime this morning with a vote of 74 to 73, like the more seasoned stud he is, Drake cooly snatched the sure thing from Ty in dramatic fashion. If you follow these boys online, you know that even the seemingly decisive nature of the victory in Babyface Brawl X remains contested by these two stubborn studs, with both of them laying claim to having owned his opponent and the winner’s circle in one form or another. With this split decision in the fashion realm, I suspect the bitter feud may be merely fueled further. And it isn’t like I can argue that this all needs to be settled by the boys strip-wrestling for who gets to wear the choicest gear. Already done that! Since The Boss seems loathe to produce rematches, perhaps these two need to find tag team partners to get another crack at settling, once and for all, who’s the babyface on top.
For today’s Friday Fashion poll, I’m nominating another rare occurrence at BG East. Within the same catalog, to different wrestlers in different matches sported the same gear. While repeat fashion are no uncommon (as evidenced by the raison d’être of Friday Fashion polls), I think it’s quite unusual for two hunks to be featured in the same catalog this way. So finding both Dr. Cooper and Ray Naylor filling out so nicely the same pair of gun-metal grey designer square cuts seems like it’s just begging for a Friday Fashion showdown. Take a look at the nominees and you decide. Who wore it best?
In Undagear 22, Ray Naylor gets absolutely owned as his pouch protrudes provocatively in these high fashion grey square cuts. Ray is perennially ripped to shreds, as lean as they come, and fucking sexy as hell, and getting trounced by Kid Karisma is obviously no bitter pill for Ray to swallow. But did he wear it best?In Gutbash 11, it’s maniacal, sadistic, unstoppable Dr. Cooper who shows up to honesty terrorize achingly young rookie quarterback Richie Douglas. Austin has always been the reigning goldenboy at BG East, as far as I’m concerned, but there are definitely dark shadows and terrifying twists when it’s the brutal surgeon Dr. Cooper who shows up in the ring. He’s the epitome of dangerous beauty, but in this gear, did he wear it best?
Jake Jenkins has captured the hearts and stoked the crotches of countless homoerotic wrestling fans in the past few years. His charms are both obvious and subtle. He’s gorgeous to look at under any circumstance. But he’s also prolific and varied in his delivery of wrestling drama. So I’ve strolled through the many splendored thing that is JJ’s wrestling filmography and finally arrived at the really tough part of the alphabet. Some of these final entries in Making Jake are weak, I’m the first to admit. But cut me some slack. The options for descriptors that start with the letter X are x-tremely limited. From U to Z, here’s my take on Making Jake…
…unconscious. Perennially dangerous and with inexhaustible tenacity, many opponents have been simply stunned by the energizer-bunny quality of Jake. Even when you’ve got him down, just try counting him out. With the muscle and the body awareness he’s got, he’ll slip out of your fingers 9 times out of 10. What’s an opponent to do to once and for all not just put, but keep him down? An elite few know you very well may have to make Jake unconscious!
…vertical. Jake fans know that his athleticism is second to none. JJ flies. He does handstands. He flips and twists and slams and stomps. He’s perfectly balanced between grace and brutality. That goes for both pitching and catching. Opponent’s can do astonishing things with JJ’s incredibly fit, flexible, agile, compact muscle body because he’s in such incredible shape he can take astonishing beatings and live to tell the tale. For example, Jonny Firestorm managed to contort JJ’s body into positions and shapes I’ve never seen before, each one more breathtaking and beautiful than the last. There’s something just awe inspiring about watching that moment when an expert heel doesn’t just control Jake’s body, he doesn’t just hold JJ’s life in his hands, he makes Jake vertical.
…wet. I’ve got a major thing for wrestlers that work up a heavy lather of sweat, and Jake can definitely get there. When droplets make his muscles twinkle and his bulges glisten, Jake is transported into another realm, joining a pantheon of immortal gladiators demanding to be worshipped as celestial beings. As Ethan Andrews proved, JJ also looks damn good with a bottle of water poured onto him in the middle of the ring, piling humiliation onto defeat. Thankfully it’s never come to this, but it just wouldn’t be a full on JJ match if his opponent didn’t make Jake wet.
…x-rated. Okay, so here’s where you must cut me slack, because I know full well that Jake’s wrestling filmography is PG-13, at best, and that’s only if you have a fundamentalist Christian prude on your ratings board. True, JJ did dally briefly under another name in some full frontal solo work for a beefcake company, but formally speaking, that wasn’t “Jake.” But thank the wrestling gods JJ has been wrestled out of his singlets and trunks on just a few occasions, leaving him in nothing but a sweat soaked jock strap. The briefest glimpse, barely more than innuendo, of his exposed hole exponentiates JJ’s overall homoerotic sexiness across the board. There’s not an inch of him that doesn’t deserve awed worship, but there’s something just for gay wrestling fans when a match makes Jake x-rated.
…yelp. I’ve said it before, but let’s review it again. Jake is a cool customer. He’s got a sharp wit and a razor tongue, but the quantity of what comes out of his mouth in a match is perpetually restrained. He sells pain most often silently, or at most, with anguish welling up behind a wall of ironclad self-control. So it’s a special treat when an opponent not only drives Jake to the edge of busting through that wall, but managed to squeeze just right and make Jake yelp.
…zealous. Jake embodies many different characters. At Rock Hard Wrestling he started as a brutal heel. At BG East, he’s been a beautiful babyface, a stern initiator and a stunned jobber in various combinations. There’s something achingly hot, though, about Jake as a valiant jock, as certain in the virtue of hard work as he is in the scales of justice tilting his way in bringing victory as reward for his earnestness. On just a couple of occasions, JJ has flashed that wide-eyed, broad smile, wrapped himself in patriotism, and flung himself face first into harm’s way trusting in the rightness of his convictions to weather the storms of dirty tricks and dastardly deviousness hurled back at him. That earnestness is misplaced, of course. This is professional wrestling we’re talking about. But there’s something deeply evocative when a certain gear choice, or a particular partner, or specific opponent manages to make Jake zealous.
Well there you have it. I struggled to select among many excellent option for most letters of the alphabet in attempting to capture the range and depth of Jake Jenkins, so I may very well go around the circuit all over again some day. But first, there’s a certain 3-time homoerotic wrestler of the month who has his own parallel series that I need to pay attention to. Now that I’ve found Eli Black’s most recent work at UCW, I’m obsessed with exactly what it is that evokes the enthralling essence of Eli.
I had a moment of OCD wash over me when I noticed recently that I only made it about 2/3rds of the way through the alphabet in my homage to the remarkable range of one of my perennial favorite homoerotic wrestlers, Jake Jenkins. So today I plug away at completing the course in the relatively easy section of the alphabet. Making Jake…
P is for pose, which Jake saves for side-by-sides with golden boy buddy Austin Cooper.
… pose. Lot’s of wrestlers are provoked to pose by a sneering, flexing opponent, but not so much Jake. Jake tends to really pose only when his good buddy Austin Cooper teams up with him for a babyface tag team battle, like they did in Tag Team Torture 15. Jake’s body is a work of art crafted out of just plain hard work, so its understandable that the devastatingly handsome hunk would prefer to save his strength for applying those muscles to the work of pummeling an opponent. But thanks to camaraderie and showmanship, it’s a pleasure to see Austin make Jake pose.
Q is for “quit,” the very word cocky Austin Cooper leans in close to listen for as he nearly rips Jake’s head off.
…quit. Then again, it always hasn’t been a blushing bromance between golden boy Austin Cooper and Jake. When they first arrived at BG East, shit hit the fan when egos and mouthwatering muscles were bruised between these two ripped rookies. Across his career, Jake has taken more than he’s given when it comes to submissions. Most of the time, it requires sleeping the stud out cold to decisively score a victory over JJ. But in Ripped Rookies, with sweat pouring off of both of their barely clad bodies, Austin makes Jake quit.
R is for recline, rest and relax, which Jake luxuriously indulges in just to demonstrate his complete mastery over cocky punks.
… relax. It’s not uncommon for Jake to showboat, particularly when an opponent has tried to intimidate him, and particularly at Rock Hard Wrestling. But there’s something extremely provocative about those moments when Jake is so totally in charge, seeming to make the art of torture look effortless. It requires an opponent with a loud mouth writing checks his muscles cannot cash, such as when pumped Matt Engel pokes and pokes until Jake cannot resist almost snapping him off at the knee while leaning back on one elbow and looking like it ain’t nothing but a thing. It’s a lesson in the eroticism of humiliation and domination when some cocky punk makes Jake relax.
S is for scream, which Jake does so rarely that it’s like panning for gold.
… scream. Jake typically runs a body temperature around 92.4 degrees (F), because his veins are filled with ice water. Incredibly cool, even keeled, and in control, it’s a rare moment to see him not only submit, not only be manhandled, but to actually break out in desperate screams. The contrast between his seemingly unshakeable calm and self-control and these punctuation marks of panic are deeply moving. Watching shocking rookie Carter Alexander take Jake to the edge in Gazebo Grapplers 16 is pure gold, as the overpowering rookie makes Jake scream.
T is for taut, which is what Jake’s body becomes under only the most masterful hands of someone completely disregarding the normal limits of human physiology.
…taut. If there’s one thing Jake fanatics know, it’s that this stud is a true athlete. That phenomenal physique has been hammered into perfection by a passion for sport, first and foremost among them, wrestling. So in addition to stunning strength, speed and stamina, this gorgeous stud is one of the most flexible wrestlers in the business. As a result, the tolerances that his body can withstand are breathtaking. It requires an extremely firm hand and a lust for pushing the edge for an opponent to wrench Jake’s hot bod to the breaking point. Happily, Kid Karisma is just such a stud, and in Hunkbash 12: No Fear, No Limits, No Mercy, he exquisitely makes Jake’s incredible body taut.
The rest of the alphabet is a little more challenging, so send me your suggestions on U through Z to round out the phenomenal range of Jake Jenkins!
There were tons of perennial contenders putting up bids last month for the HWOTM title. So many current and former favorite homoerotic wrestlers pumped out hot juicy matches in April that the task of choosing just one to honor was delightfully brutal. But I’m going with my gut (and territory south of there) and selecting one particularly entertaining wrestler who took me places I never knew I needed to go. The new homoerotic wrestler of the month around these parts is…
Things go from catastrophic to worse for earnest rookie Leo Tomasi when Dr. Cooper arrives in the ring.
Coop’s incredibly masterful manhandling of handsome newbie Leo Tomasi in Jobberpalooza 13 was epic! This was Coop 2.0, of course. He strutted to the ring with sun glasses and leather vest, dripping with condescension and scorn. Beautiful, babyface Leo was earnest as hell, honestly stating his case that he was there to learn from the best. A more tender ego might have blinked at the doe-eyed flattery, but not evil Austin. Not “Dr. Cooper,” as he names himself before this match is done with.
Coop is relentless all over Leo’s pretty, lean body!
Season after season, we’ve seen mouthwatering Coop bring a cocky, babyface fratboy sensibility to his wrestling. The stud has obvious amateur experience. He’s got fitness model good looks, a fantastic physique, and an insistent uprightness. There was a brief moment in time when the world was divided into Coop fans and Jake Jenkins fans, and I was decisively on the JJ side of the fence. Perhaps it’s not a coincidence (oh, hell, of course it isn’t) that when Coop first claimed the HWOTM title just over one year ago, it was in his titular role as having turned heel in Demolition 16: Austin’s Heel Turn. Since then, we’ve seen Coop the goldenboy babyface back in action, looking like the painfully pretty earnest fratboy. But like a Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, it’s Coop’s barbaric, vicious heel side that seems to stroke me the hardest.
This is Coop’s idea of “helping” the rookie up.
The evil Dr. Cooper is the one who shows up in Jobberpalooza 13 to dispel handsome young Leo of the illusions that he’s going to be on the receiving end of some big brother, good spirited apprenticeship. The action is like a landslide – all going one direction, which is downhill crashing down all over the gasping newbie. I’m stunned by just how deep Austin digs into the dark side. Leo can barely lift his eyelids, much less mount a defense merely moments into the match, and Austin doesn’t give him an inch of mercy. If anything, the worse Leo’s fates fall, the more vicious Austin grows.
Me next!
Austin insistently tickles my weakness for a cocky heel, not just owning the rook but delighting in every moment. Dr. Coop chuckles and smirks as he grinds the kid into a pulp. He hoists him up high in a reverse bear hug that takes MY breath away. I am first in line to be the next one to take that ride!
Dr. Cooper applies a cold-hearted compress to the newbie’s bloody nose.
The moment in this match that seals the deal for me is set up by Coop slamming Leo’s dazed face into the mat. With a genuine note of surprise, Austin discovers that he’s bloodied the rookie’s nose. He suddenly sounds concerned for the kid. He helps the newbie peel himself up off the mat, looking every bit like he’s going to help the kid staunch the flow. But no. He suddenly hoists Leo up in the air, dripping blood and all, hangs him upside down from the turnbuckle, and starts kicking the shit out of him. “We’ve got to invert you to stop that bloody nose!” he smirks. Then he slides Leo’s upside down head between his huge, golden, smooth thighs, trapping Leo’s face deep, pressed tightly against the base of his balls, and squeezes, and squeezes, and squeezes (they say apply pressure to a wound, right?). “Just call me Dr. Cooper, helping you re-cooper-ate.” Hot damn, I need an establishing-care appointment with a new primary care physician!!!
Ding, ding, ding! Competition over. Dr. Cooper is absolutely the reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!
No goldenboy babyface fratboy, Dr. Cooper owns me every ounce as absolutely as he does lovely piece of fluff Leo Tomasi. With the ring of that bell that announces Coop as the winner of the match, he took full possession of the title of this month’s homoerotic wrestler of the month.
Our man inside BG East, or as one insightful observer recently referred to him, “OMI,” sent me a batch of catalog 103-related behind-the-scenes snapshots. These were actually sent before the release of catalog 103, but they got buried in my email while I was knocked down with an early spring illness. Happily, I’m getting back on top of things after my recovery, including digging out these hot pieces of awesome contraband smuggled out from the BG East camp. I have still heard no word of OMI’s unmasking, although my offer of a free dinner should we ever meet in person still stands. That is, he gets a free dinner from me if he isn’t drawn and quartered by the powers that be at BG East first…
If only this was self-snapped by bespectacled Kid Vicious, I’d argue this could be the homoerotic wrestling equivalent of Ellen’s Oscar’s selfie. As it is, this shot of Jonny Firestorm and KV manning the cameras with golden boy Austin Cooper in nothing but his underwear looking over the shoulders is still an incredibly hot, somewhat novel collection of devastatingly sexy man meat! The three of them look chummy, which may explain Austin’s fantastic heel turn a while back which he OWNS like a champ in his newest release, absolutely carving up newbie Leo Tomassi like a turkey dinner in Jobberpalooza 13. It seems like Austin is teetering on the edge of giving his hot pecs over totally to the dark side, and personally, I hope he keeps this company pictured here. More bad influence from two of the top heels in BG East can only promise more fantastically cruel performances from golden boy body beautiful heel Austin.
Along the lines of “the company you keep,” here’s Austin’s Jobberpalooza victim, Leo Tomasi, showing off his rippled abs with adorkable rookie Ty Alexander ready for stills. If Austin is getting his marching orders from Jonny and KV and Leo is getting introduced to the scene from crushable jobber-rising Ty, the handwriting was on the wall way before Leo got bullied and literally bloodied by relentlessly cruel Austin.
Here’s a pre-match photo of another golden boy muscle stud who appears to be making a play for turning his career around by dipping deep into the dark side of the Force. Did you see Braden Charron’s work with pretty Pete Sharp in Jobberpalooza 13?! Holy shit, I was completely blown away and shocked. I did NOT see that coming. Until now, Braden has been a tad too pretty, too sexy for his own good. All that mouthwatering meat and beauty have done nothing but draw out some of the most vicious and sadistic performances in even BG East’s babyface ranks. I saw a whole mountain of gorgeous hurt heading his way when I noticed he was to be Pete’s first ring opponent, because Pete may be pretty as a peach, but he’s also been incredibly dangerous in his first two outings on the mat. But wow. Just, wow! Braden pulls off what I have to think of as an upset, despite his extensive experience advantage, and watching him make every luscious inch of pretty, pretty Pete suffer is phenomenal! Pete’s got serious repair work to do on his rep, while Braden has convinced me he’s a lot more than a pretty face and a mouthwatering cock!
And again from Jobberpalooza 13,Guido Genatto came damn near close to literally breaking poor, insanely pretty Kip Sorrell. Seeing Guido stretched out on the couch, bespectacled, checking his email, with Ultimate Warrior (RIP) nestled between the tree trunks he calls his thighs, you’d never suspect the boiling rage he’s about to tap into the second he sees the very definition of a pretty boy, Kip, lacing up his boots. This is one of those matches where I get sucked in so deep that I grow genuinely concerned for Kip’s life and limb. Guido turning outmatched Kip into a little more than a life sized Ken doll, to be manhandled, manipulated, and humiliated like a despised plaything, is insanely sexy. Between Kip’s devastated gym body and Guido’s gargantuan, power packed physique, I can’t decide which I want to lick more, the mammoth crevice between Kip’s pecs or the lightly hairy expanse of Guido’s beautiful belly. Fuck that, let me trade places with that Ultimate Warrior pillow. NOW!
OMI has got testicles the size of beach balls! He’s slipped us a behind the scenes photo of the franchise himself, Kid Leopard, ready for taking stills and Jonny Firestorm, well… um… flat on his back, hands behind his head, apparently “on break.” For Jonny’s sake, I hope that’s a sanctioned nap-time.
Finally, OMI slipped out these two photos of rookie Kayden Keller looking handsome as hell and ready to unwrap like a Christmas present. The second shot, I notice, is a selfie, meaning that either OMI is Kayden or OMI has access to download photos from Kayden’s phone. If we hear that hot rookie heel Kayden is cleaning BG East toilets with his tongue in the near future, perhaps we’ll have finally learned OMI’s true identity. I hope not, though, because I imagine that might also be the last contraband we get from him. One way or another, I think OMI either IS Kayden, or OMI really, really like’s Kayden’s hot rookie body! Or both. I’d understand, either way.
Sidelineland 