Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Bodies Over Time: Wrestler-of-the-Month Edition

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Reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Charlie Panther, grabbed my attention every bit as commandingly as he grabbed poor rookie, Tim Messina, and crushed him like a grape between his steel cabled thighs.  Charlie is relentless, battering Tim in wave after wave of withering physical and psychological domination. The squash is breathtaking (for me… for Tim, it’s also dignity-stealing). Charlie’s non-stop verbal assault is every bit as humiliating as the non-stop physical assault, and that much more erotic for it.  Charlie earned his status as my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month for all of that, but also for his incredibly hot, hard, sexy body. Perhaps what grabs me most is the change itself. Between three years ago and now, Charlie Panther went from looking like this…
…to looking like this…
Holy shit! Charlie’s mighty, meaty pecs and tight, narrow waist rock me hard. Losing the bleach increases his handsomeness by a multiple of at least 10, I think. But the physical transformation runs far deeper than a bottle of peroxide.
Irish Muscle God Devil Devitt targets where Charlie Panther used to be most vulnerable.
The last we saw of Charlie, he teamed up with the brutalizer Matt Stryker (and his dubious manscaping) to face off against the high flying, high quality indy pro team of Paul Hudson and Irish muscle god Devil Devitt.  Charlie was big and beefy, no doubt, but next to the stunningly ripped physique of Devitt, Charlie looks ready to show up in a Wrestling Arsenal feature on doughboys. 
Charlie gets a kick out of watching his opponent’s suffer.
That tag match was a rare re-match after Charlie’s nasty mauling of hardcore pro boy Paul Hudson in singles competition. I’m not sure if lovely, lithe Paul ever looked sweeter getting worked over by the heavyweight Panther. The contrast between them is a work of art.  Charlie’s gorgeous, dark brown complexion wrapped around Paul’s blindingly lily white skin only skims the surface of the visual contrast between these two “blonds.” Paul is whittled down to the lean loveliness of a professional athlete who trains relentlessly and probably has the genetic gift of burning calories effortlessly. The snarling Panther is a full half a foot taller, fifty or so pounds heavier, and bursting at the seams to bully his lightweight indy pro opponent. 
Cameron Mathews tries to turn the tide of fate and
start a winning streak by tackling the Panther.
In the Big Cat’s only other match released to date, he was still sporting the unfortunate effects of bleach, but this time facing off against an indy pro a little closer to his own size, Cameron Mathews. Cameron was achingly young and pretty, not yet having quite blossomed into the muscle stud he is today. But despite having the reputation as “the company punching bag,” Cameron twist-ties Panther like a loaf of bread and pushes the Big Cat to reconsider whether all that talk he’s so good at may have just been digging him deeper and deeper into a hole. However, with the wind at his back, Charlie makes Cameron pay, crushing and slamming Cameron’s beautiful bubble-butt into whimpering submission.

Tim Messina doesn’t have enough hands to check all
the bruises that muscle stud Charlie Panther pounds into him.
I have to wonder if that’s the Charlie Panther that Tim Messina thought he was going to face when he signed up for Pros in Private 9. Perhaps Tim thought he might catch the Big Cat flat-footed, counting on Charlie to lumber into the ring and underestimate him as just another in that long line of lean white boys who eventually succumb to the Panther-pounding.  It’s easy to miss it, but Tim’s clearly an accomplished wrestler, and you just have to wonder if perhaps he was counting on exploiting Charlie’s soft-around-the-middle conditioning and outlast the Big Cat to a stunning career-establishing upset.
Charlie Panther displays his stunningly beautiful butt while threatening
to pop Tim Messina’s head off of his neck.
If Tim was expecting to see the Charlie Panther of 3 years ago, imagine the shock to watch Charlie Panther 2.0 climb into the ring! Charlie must have dropped about 30 pounds of padding and then added another 15 back on in gorgeously seasoned, thick, powerful muscle mass. It’s not like Charlie’s ring record was suffering from having to work a little harder than any of his opponents to move his beefy body around the ring. He was already devastating. He took some licks, but let’s face it, carrying some extra ballast and all, he’d proven again and again that he wasn’t going to be satisfied until he’d beaten the will to fight out of his opponents.
The Panther roars with his prey captured helplessly and humiliatingly.
Now add to that tried and true formula for success a newly sculpted physique. Add to that concoction even more power, twice the endurance, and, unbelievably, even more self-possession that leaves no doubt that Charlie knows what a rocking stud and dominating ring master he is. He’s every ounce the same crushing, slamming, pounding presence he’s always been, but with that mouth-watering new body of his, the Big Cat is nothing short of a juggernaut. The second most astonishing thing about this match (after the unveiling of Charlie’s luscious new physique) is that poor Tim has still managed to resist the temptation to running screaming from the ring a full 30 minutes after he arrived.
Time and training have done Charlie Panther good!
Charlie Panther has all the moving parts that define a homoerotic wrestler of the month here at neverland. He’s got a mouth that never tires out. He’s got muscles just crying out for some slow, lingering, hands-on worship. He’s a seriously handsome mother-fucker, particularly without the extra weight and that unfortunate encounter he had with a bleach bottle a few years back. It’s amazing to me that I’ve managed to make it this far without mentioning his astoundingly lovely ass and the concealed handgun he’s got stashed in the pouch of his perfectly proportioned trunks. And, as always, most importantly, Charlie Panther tells an excellent story, both in word and in action, grabbing my attention, twisting my crank with both hands, and leaving me breathless and deeply satisfied.

Aw, Shucks

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Thunder’s Arena’s Python (and his goofy grin)
On Friday I started off my review of the top biceps that turn me on in homoerotic wrestling by marveling at the fierce pythons on Thunder’s Arena’s new muscle boy, Python. I also mentioned in passing, among Python’s many notable features, he’s got a damn adorably goofy grin. I haven’t seen his debut against Angel yet, but his photo shoot pics are full shots of that toothy, awkward, cute-as-a-button overbite from the slammin’ gorgeous bodybuilder. The “aw shucks” homoerotic wrestler has a strong appeal for me. The “aw shucks” wrestler is that rookie who, whether he’s got the guns to blaze like Python or not, he sports an undisguisable self-consciousness about him.  He looks like he’s got an ocean of insecurity swirling just underneath the surface of a barely managed game face.  Without words, he communicates with perfect clarity, “aw shucks, I’m just lucky to be here.” He knows we’re looking at him, marveling, fantasizing, and he feels like he should probably do something, flex just so or say something witty, but all that he’s got at the moment is that “aw shucks” goofy grin.
Thunder’s Arena Dallas goes from  “aw shucks” to “oh, shit!”
Thunder’s Arena puts up more than their fair share of “aw shucks” wrestlers.  Before his recent match with Coupe, Dallas adamantly insisted that between the two of them (both with spotty win-loss records, to say the least), he was the bigger chump. Coupe couldn’t believe that Dallas could possibly be as much of a jobber as he is. But the look on Dallas’ face as they faced off in speedos is priceless. It morphed delightfully from “aw shucks” to “oh, shit!” Coupe is an extraordinary muscle freak, and Dallas, while delightful to look at it, is relatively soft and crunchable standing vulnerably in Coupe’s shadow. Self-conscious vulnerability, stage fright, a little bit of “what the fuck am I doing here?!”… it can be a nice element in the typically over the top battle of narcissists who more frequently populate the scene.
Big Sexy and PeeWee give the “aw shucks” wrestling motif 4 thumbs up.

Thunder’s took Aw Shucks to (and possibly over) the edge of credulity with the infinitely fuckable babyface who wrestles diminutively as PeeWee. PeeWee showed up to audition for Thunder’s knowing full well that he’d get his ass kicked. Big Sexy is more than happy to make PeeWee’s prophecy self-fulfilling, but PeeWee keeps the “aw shucks” attitude going from start to finish. He’s a hot little muscle stud with some unquestionably hot moves of his own, but even when he’s working some rare riding time on Sexy, PeeWee is profoundly insecure and self-deprecating. Even when he’s got Sexy so compromised that he could (if he chose) yank down Sexy’s trunks and fuck his ass, PeeWee is supremely self-critical and predicts his own demise. Bulging muscles, bulging pouch, bulging insecurity… this works for me in many (though definitely not all) cases.

Showing up for his BG East audition sexy Alexi Adamov
grins nervously for approval from Brad Rochelle.
Thunder’s, however, definitely doesn’t corner the market in “aw shucks” wrestlers. These days, tall, tasty Alexi Adamov is all about that deep bass rumble and a tenuous certainty that he can, on any given day, kick some ass.  But in his first BG East match, showing up for a faux “audition” after the stealth coup of the compound by heel-turned Brad Rochelle, Alexi is one great big, luscious, gorgeously smooth, ridiculously pretty slice of humble pie. Brad, getting his kicks off of fucking with the newbie’s mind, requires that the Russian babyface try on several possible gear choices, each one more made-to-order for a jobber beatdown than the last. Alexi poses for Brad, obeying the veteran’s instructions, proud of his beautiful body but seemingly easily unnerved by Brad’s strategic verbal jabs and slights. Alexi is just pleased as punch to get a shot at the world of BG East, and recently emerged heel Brad is like a hungry spider, slowly luring the fly into his web to slowly, mercilessly suck him dry.
Morgan Cruise – too smiley to heel?
Morgan Cruise is a quick study, learning nasty-ass lessons from the likes of pro veteran (and current contender to re-take the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division) Lon Dumont on the nuts and bolts of constructing a BG East ring heel. Morgan’s most recent appearance was showing that he was taking notes from Lon by turning around and catching ripped rookie (and last month’s homoerotic wrestler of the month) Eli Black off guard and pounding the shit out of him forever. But if you missed Morgan’s first match, facing off against Lon with the explicit agenda of being BG East’s next great heel, then you missed Morgan’s “aw shucks” moment (which was, not coincidentally, the same moment that it was crystal clear that Lon was going to own his ass). Morgan flexes proudly. He bounces his pecs in Lon’s face. He says the right words about being confident in his own destiny as a big, burly muscle heel. But he’s got that unmistakable toothy, self-conconsious, I-can’t-quite-sell-myself grin on his face. Lon even notes that Morgan is a little too “smiley” for a heel-wannabe. Lon’s crushing of him seems to have squeezed the “aw shucks” right out of him, but no mistaking it, Morgan Cruise initially showed as an “aw shucks” rookie bear cub.

Rio Garza always looks like he can’t quite believe
his own luck.

And finally, when it comes to “aw shucks” wrestlers, Rio Garza’s tasty hot ass is seated squarely in line with the best of them. Can-Am has exploited what I’m guessing is Rio’s genuine state, that of the stunning muscle stud who’s a little awed to be asked back over and over to be ogled and admired by armies of gay wrestling fans. When he faced Aryx Quinn (pretty much the opposite of the “aw shucks” wrestler), like Alexi Adamov, Rio was easily manipulated by the mind games of a sadistic veteran. Rio was nothing short of humbled by the status as a brand new Can-Am “exclusive,” and with some strategically placed compliments from Aryx, the awkward, sort of embarrassed grin on his face grew. This all simply makes him oh-so-ripe for a humorless and merciless crushing from Aryx. The device works particularly well with Rio, I think, explaining why he showed up wanting Cameron Mathews and Paul Hudson to teach him how to be a pro wrestler. He knows he’s strong. He knows the fans like looking at him. But with a little nervous grin, he admits to the pros that he’s got something to learn about the business. Cameron and Paul, of course, oblige, and Rio’s “aw shucks” awkward grin gets twisted into beautiful agony soon enough.

All those muscles can’t quite disguise the self-conscious grin on Python’s face.

A little “aw shucks” goes a long way for what turns me on. Overplayed, and it comes across as amateurish and distinctly less than erotic. But sprinkled on top of a hot steaming helping of beautiful bodies, skimpy gear, and hard hammering wrestling, an adorably goofy smile and a self-conscious glance down at one’s own feet can make for a sweet set-up to an arousing match.

The Warehouse

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I just posted a new piece of homoerotic wrestling fiction over at the members-only writing group Sidelineland (join for free, but you’ll need to join to read the collection). Author Metellus took the lead for this introduction to an underground fight club in NYC. Our introduction to The Warehouse comes through the eyes of doe-eyed muscle rookie, French Canadian Thierry, who shows up for his rookie debut.
Warehouse rookie: Thierry

I happen to know for a fact that Metellus has a significant and long-standing crush on model Thierry, so it comes as no surprise to me that Thierry has shown up for some full contact, no rules, beautiful bodies bonanza fictional wrestling in Metellus’ imagination. And no doubt about it, Thierry is a specimen to behold! His oh-so-pretty face looks almost out of place on his seriously hot, bulging, muscled body. Thierry clearly has the raw talent to turn heads and inspire some imaginations, but does he have the wrestling talent to survive for long in the brutal world of underground, pay-per-view competition?
The Warehouse Promoter (and new Bard obsession): Brad
I, for some reason, got quickly fixated on a secondary character in Metellus’ first draft. The club promoter, Brad, is a massively muscled, blond bodybuilder bombshell that seems to be scratching an itch I’m having lately for the big boys. Metellus assures me that we’ll be seeing more of big, beautiful Brad.
Daniel Garofali has a taste for hot wrestling, now!

And Thierry’s initiator into the brutality of The Warehouse is none other than my stunning New Year’s Eve houseguest, Aussie fitness model Daniel Garofali!  Daniel certainly taught me some delightful lessons in homoerotic wrestling, and I’m thrilled to see that he’s got a regular gig showing off that fantasy man body and going pec-to-pec and cock-to-cock in competition in The Warehouse. I could have warned Thierry ahead of time that this gorgeous Aussie should NOT be underestimated. Ah, but what fun would it be if rookie’s all understood what was in store for them?  Thanks, Metellus, for sharing some highly entertaining fresh fiction!

Pythons

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Thunder’s Arena’s newest rookie sensation (aptly named): Python
Damn! Did you see the newest muscle stud at Thunder’s Arena? He wrestles as “Python,” which draws attention to the body part that certainly inspires hard-swallowing awe within me: his beautifully peaked biceps. There’s a lot on Python’s gorgeous physique to appreciate. He’s got a hot, broad upper back, beautiful pecs, very nice abs, and one damn adorably goofy grin. But again I say: damn! The peaks on those biceps are a—mazing! I haven’t seen his rookie debut with Angel yet, but I’ve got a deep down craving to see that right bicep of Python’s slowly wrapped around Angel’s neck from behind and then methodically flexed until the pointed peak of that monster crushes Angel’s throat in a name’s-sake rear choke. Follow that up with the rookie shoving that mountainous muscle in his dazed, battered opponent’s face and making him kiss it, and I’d be wasted (for at least a couple of minutes).

Can-Am’s iconic muscle man: Steve Sterling
Arms do not, as a rule, capture my attention first and foremost on most wrestlers. Not that I don’t appreciate hot, strong arms and especially Popeye-bulging forearms (Jonny Firestorm, I’m looking at you), but my eyes tend to instinctively lock onto other geography. Hot, meaty glutes, for example, or luscious, clawable pecs are frequently tops on my list. Armored abs, a hefty package (a-hem, Mr. Joshua), and thick, bear-trap thighs will tend to be higher on my list than arms. But on some wrestlers, and when I’m in the mood, arms light up my homoerotic imagination and make me feel all creative about the best uses for sculpted arm muscles. For example, I can’t help but picture Can-Am classic Steve Sterling cracking walnuts between his bodybuilder biceps and freakishly huge forearms. Then I tend to picture my cock trapped in the same spot, and with a little oil, working up a frot fantasy that only a musclebound arm like that can satisfy.
Thunder’s Arena’s Muscle Phenom: Coupe
Thunder’s resident muscle freak Coupe’s biceps aren’t as massive as Steve Sterling’s, but holy fuck that vascularity and shape makes me gasp every time I see them. Coupe is a phenomenon. I often throw around the hyperbole of wrestlers sporting 0% body fat, but it’s no exaggeration when it comes to muscle freak Coupe. He’s so cut and sculpted that I have to imagine if Coupe just faced the right opponent, he’d bring a man to his knees by just flashing those double biceps and that cocky I-dare-you-not-to-lick-them grin. This man needs to star in a wrestling match-turned full contact body worship feature like nobody’s business! Thunder’s may not be the company to produce it, but I’ll be the first in line to be that opponent!

Reese Wells and his Magic Biceps

I’ve noted on many occasions the particular magic that Reese Wells (aka Brody Hancock) weaves over me. He’s a living paradox. That pubescent face of his is completely diverting from the fact that the boy sports incredibly mature, aesthetically gorgeous muscle! He seems like one of those genetic freaks who’s probably always complaining about how hard it is for him to put on weight (which, in and of itself, is a reason for a beating in my book). I swear, at the right angle, in the wrong light, Reese would be easily mistaken for a skinny kid. Then BOOM!!!!… the boy flashes a double bicep and out of nowhere he’s got astonishing muscle mass squeezed into his upper arms like surgically inserted softballs. Where the fuck does he hide those guns!?!  There’s a skinny-kid-opens-a-can-of-whoop-ass-on-his-big-bad-bully fantasy just dying to be taped, culminating in Reese flashing one of his Houdini biceps in his former-tormentor’s face while cranking out a load of cum all over the humiliated bastard’s chest.

BG East Fantasy Man: Tyrell Tomsen
BG East’s Tyrell Tomsen’s arms let loose a flood of lustful fantasies for me frequently. So sure, Tyrell’s got the whole package (that should probably be Package with a capital “P!”). Tyrell’s ass, legs, pecs, tiny little waist, washboard abs… they’ve all been star players in climactic fantasies of mine. But when I watch Tyrell actually wrestling, it’s his gargantuan biceps that frequently have me muttering at the screen. He’s got the raw mass of Steve Sterling and the stunning shape and cut of Coupe. There’s something pristinely paradigmatic about Tyrell wrapping those monsters around his opponent’s back, lifting the lucky fucker off his feet, and squeezing the breath and the will to live out of him while shaking his prey like a rag doll.  This scenario has been approximated, mind you, but I’m hard pressed to see how a lucky opponent in that predicament doesn’t cum with his cock getting crushed and dragged up and down across Tyrell’s washboard, so I’m picturing him tossing the loser to the mat with a pint of cum strung between them, and Tyrell forcing the bastard to lick him clean with some special attention paid to his sweaty armpits.
Can-Am’s Thiago Diaz is built to crush!

Can-Am’s Thiago Diaz has 2 equally prominent objects of my lusts: his fireplace poker cock and his incredibly huge arms! Rip Steve Sterling in the prime of his conditioning out of the past and place him side by side with Thiago, and I’d put money on Thiago as having the bigger upper arms. Steve would have the Can-Am newbie beat for overall body proportions, mind you. Thiago’s lower body lags behind his upper body development pretty dramatically, but those shoulders and arms are like a cartoon drawing of a muscleman superhero. And since we’ve already transported Sterling into the present from the prime of his career, I can’t help but get wildly turned on by the image of Thiago nearly ripping Steve’s head off in a dragon sleeper with his veiny, massive bicep pressed perfectly across the classic bodybuilder’s carotid.

BG East’s Magnificent Mitch Colby

So, sure, I’ve spilled more ink on the pages of this blog over every inch of Mitch Colby’s body than just about anything else, but honestly, those biceps! Sweet Jesus-or-whomever-else-you-pray-to! Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous! Strength, beauty, proportion… I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen it in a Mitch match, but in my mind, I’ve often pictured him with those mile-and-a-half-long limbs clamped around an opponent’s lower abdomen in a rear bearhug, lifting the luckyluckylucky loser off his feet and grinding his gorgeous cock into his opponent’s crack. Mitch-the-man squeezes a screaming submission out of him, then simultaneously takes the loser from behind while flexing his guns hypnotically as he generously jacks-off the overwhelmed plaything.
BG East One-Hit Wonder: Gary Myers’ biceps have biceps!

In hunting for which homoerotic wrestling arms send me shooting the farthest, I came across this image of BG East muscleboy, Gary Myers. I haven’t seen this match yet, but this should be the image next to the dictionary entry for “fantasy man.” So much to soak in, I know, but take a close look at those mind-blowing biceps.  The peaks on those monsters have peaks of their own!  It looks like this muscleboy only wrestled once, but fortunately, it was against the vicious sadist and bodybeautiful heel Jose. I can’t tell from the stills from the match whether Jose captured Gary from behind and locked up all those bulging muscles in a full nelson, but I can hope. And if Jose happened to do a little licking of Gary’s peaked peaks, then all is right with the world. If not, then this fantasy will have to live only in my imagination, though I can always hope to see it born out with one of the bicep-beauties still in the business today.
As I wrap up this small package, I’d just like to make the observation that several of the homoerotic wrestlers who I think of as having massive, gorgeous arms, on closer inspection really don’t. Not that there’s anything wrong with merely mortal muscle arms, of course. It’s the whole package with a sweet dose of attitude and kinetic eroticism that makes homoerotic wrestling my favorite kink and passion.  But when I’m in the mood that Thunder’s rookie Python puts me in, there’s something awfully arousing about the top shelf quality beef of musclebound arms in homoerotic wrestling competition.

Share the Wealth

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A new writer has posted a most excellent piece of homoerotic wrestling fiction at Sidelineland. Alex tells me that there’s a little bit of autobiography along with some very entertaining embellishment in his story of how competing national flags bring out the beast in two hot and horny underground wrestlers.

I’ve said this to Alex directly, and I’m happy to repeat it for neverland readers as well: Alex is a fantastic writer with an excellent taste for the moving parts of homoerotic wrestling kink. I’m already pestering him to write some more to share with us at Sidelineland. If you aren’t already signed up, do so here to get a gander at Alex’s match, “Flag vs. Flag: Canada vs. USA,” as well as other works from other authors (including me). Even better, take a page out of his book and send me some of your own original wrestling fiction!

And just a word of thanks to several readers who commented online and off after my recent post in which I explored some of the existential quandaries of a homoerotic wrestling blogger.  Kind words, encouragement, and occasional reminders that my prattling on is meaningful to a few others are sweet motivation to keep plugging away.  And I’m happy to report that it appears no one seems the worse for wear as a result of me declining to post paid advertisements here at neverland. Just to be completely transparent, I’m always more than happy to receive comped wrestling products to review (and secondarily add to my burgeoning collection). Between review copies and the occasional positive reader feedback and  talented, courageous souls like Alex sending me some hot wrestling fiction to share, I’m feeling well-rewarded for my efforts.

Say My Name!!!

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As I’ve been spending quality time with Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper in the ring, I’m finding more and more that turns my crank. My reigning homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division) is like a maestro, conducting this symphony of slaps, grunts, groans and bangs with awe inspiring grace. 
Kid K looks like he might kum to the soundtrack of
Austin Cooper’s screams.
There’s a knee-buckling moment for me when Kid Karisma locks up Austin’s ankles underneath his armpits and drops that jaw-droppingly gorgeous ass on top of Austin’s entirely mouthwatering derrière. Kid K is literally glowing with the overhead lights bouncing off his bulging muscles coated in such thick sweat I swear I can smell it. Kid is a vision, with a primal lust to dominate reaches climax as his face is transported into ecstatic reverie. Lovely Austin is screaming like 9-year old girl, but his bulging crotch leaves no room to mistake the fact that he’s all man, and he’s all twisted up in complete, hopeless, helpless humiliation.  “Say you give!” demands Kid K with a grin.  When Austin finally screams it out obediently, the karismatic one, chuckles and says, “Wait, wait, wait… what, what, what? I DIDN’T hear you!” he adds arching backward and wrenching Austin’s back harder.  It’s a climactic moment for me as well, but then Kid K sends me right over the top by refusing to let Austin admit defeat until he’s said his conquer’s name. “Now say, ‘I give Kid Karisma!'”
“I GIVE Kid Karisma!!!”
Holy hell I LOVE that! The intimacy quadruples in an instant. The submission is just the beginning as Kid K refuses to let up even after Austin’s tapped. Austin finally gasps through his sublime suffering, “I give… Kid… Karisma!” He chokes and sputters. Kid K flings Austin’s beautiful, beefy legs to the mat with contempt, stands up still straddling the rookie’s gorgeous glutes, and flexes for himself in the mirror.  I’ve lost it a half a dozen times before I can manage to get through all the way to simply admire Kid K’s stunning display, marveling not just a little over the major bulge stretching the crotch of his shiny black trunks. Fuck yes, Austin had better remember the name Kid Karisma!
Vintage Beau Hopkins chokes Jimmy Royce’s submission (and obedience)
right out of him.

This “say my name” moment transports me back to the first homoerotic wrestling product I ever purchased, Can-Am’s Canadian Musclehunk Oil Wrestling 3. Specifically, the wet muscle tussle between butt-tastic Jimmy Royce and handsome company man, Beau Hopkins intrudes on my thoughts. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this match before. Royce and Hopkins are incredibly appealing. Jimmy seems to have a trick shoulder that gives him trouble, and like an opportunistic dick, Beau goes to wrenching that shoulder with arm bars over and over again. This would have been annoyingly repetitive if it weren’t usually accomplished with Jimmy on his stomach, trying not to swallow baby oil, and Beau straddling Jimmy’s INCREDIBLE muscle ass. I could look at that view for days. Beau attacks Jimmy’s trick shoulder for the 400th time, and all of those sweet, sculpted muscles on Jimmy turn to jelly when Beau’s got his arm torqued too far for Jimmy to be able to resist absolutely anything. Beau makes him lick the oil and sweat that are pooling on the blue tarp. He exploits and abuses Jimmy’s knees and lower back. Finally, a little awkwardly, he slides his legs around Jimmy’s throat and begins to squeeze. Jimmy tries to pry himself free, but Beau grabs his wrists and keeps him helpless on his back, feeling the air and blood pinched off between Beau’s knees digging into his throat.  “Say the word!” Beau barks at Jimmy. “Do you give, Jimmy Royce!?” He finally squeezes two humiliating “I GIVES!” out of Jimmy, but Beau holds on for one more. “Say it again! Say ‘I give Mr. Beau Hopkins!” Jimmy croaks it out, full of bitter resentment, “I… give… Mr. Beau…….. Hopkins.”

Mr. Jimmy Royce turns the tables.

After dropping the first fall, Jimmy battles back for a surprise 2nd fall victory by locking up Beau’s arms with his luscious legs (good GOD this man had to have been a dancer!). The chicken wing is incredibly tasty.  Beau’s hot torso and barely contained bulge writhe and buck, but all Jimmy has to do is squeeze and Beau’s arms start to pop right of out his shoulder sockets. Jimmy taunts his opponent, asking if he wants to quit. “You’re finished!” Jimmy proclaims without any doubt. “Do you want to give? Huh, do you want to give yet, baby?” Ferociously Beau refuses with a deep, wolverine growl, “Never!” Jimmy squeezes his meat-packed thighs a little harder and makes Beau gasp in pain and quickly rethink his absolutes. He finally gives, but Jimmy insists, “I can’t hear you!” Beau growls out another contemptuous submission and Jimmy prods him on at the end, “… Mr.?  Mr. Jimmy Royce?” Jimmy demands retribution, insisting on hearing Beau not just admit defeat, but say the name of the muscle stud who’s conquered him from behind. “Mr. WHO!?” Beau spits defiantly at first, but when it’s clear Jimmy can either hold him helplessly like this forever or, perhaps, snap his shoulders apart completely, Beau reluctantly, bitterly snaps, “I… give… Mr…. Jimmy…….. Royce!”

Reigning Favorite Homoerotic Wrestler, Kid Karisma
bulges in ALL the right places!

Unlike for Kid Karisma, Jimmy learns the hard way that payback is one seriously nasty bitch. He goes down in the 3rd fall as a result of Beau going yet again for the trick shoulder. But even with all that oil, all those muscles, Jimmy’s slamming muscled ass, that hot, wet, tight wrestling action… it’s the submissions that demand of the loser to name the winner that stick out as the highlights of those falls. There’s just something primal about shoving your name down your opponent’s throat, like owning a bit of his soul just like you’ve completely owned his body. I’m sure there are plenty of other examples of the “Say My Name” submission (please do tell!), but I’m awfully pleased with Kid K’s latest rendition of this hot, hot, hot erotic wrestling maneuver!

Use Me

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Did you see the recent promotional email from BG East for Pros in Private 9? I was surprised and flattered to see it was a shout out to my review of Mac Mathias’ ass! It’s not the first time that this blog has been referenced in promotional materials for homoerotic wrestling products. Whenever it happens, my first thought it always, “Holy hell, somebody’s actually reading me!” My second thought is usually spent contemplating my small part of the engine of wrestling promotion for gay eyes.

Mac admires his best side
One thing I’ve learned in nearly three years of blogging about the business: there are at least as many entrepreneurs as wrestlers in the ring!  I’ve been contacted by quite a few wrestlers (and a few of their managers) to let me know about a new venture they’re starting that might appeal to fans of homoerotic wrestling.  I haven’t always passed these tidbits along for one primary reason: they often don’t materialize. I don’t think it’s for lack of intention. I just think that there are more wrestlers with an entrepreneurial spirit than there are wrestlers who have a business plan that can get them off the ground. Personally, I’d love to see more venues for homoerotic wrestling. I’m also completely supportive of the notion of rewarding hot hunks for their hard work and willingness to let us worship them.

Aryx/Tristan looks beefier than ever!

Like Bruno at Beefcakes of Wrestling, I got a very sweet and enthusiastic heads up from the team behind my former homoerotic wrestler of the month, Aryx Quinn aka Tristan Baldwin (I’m not sure what it means to have a team behind him, but I picture a bunch of nerds [and I’m frequently very turned on by nerds] crouching behind Aryx/Tristan and nudging him toward the camera). Aryx apparently has some big, but as yet ambiguous, plans to produce his own namesake website that will, among other things, feature new homoerotic wrestling.  The new site isn’t up yet, but I’ve got my fingers crossed that this one will materialize. Aryx/Tristan’s promotional pics are looking damn hot!

Aryx/Tristan needs to get those muscles back
in the ring!

I was also recently approached with the proposition that I include an advertisement for one of the wrestling productions that I talk about frequently on this blog. I mulled it over. While the singular aim of my nearly three years of blogging has been promoting more, and more excellent, homoerotic wrestling fare, I’ve also made quite a bit of a show of pointing out that I don’t and won’t take pay for what I push on the pages on this blog.  Someone at a different wrestling company once referred to this blog as their unofficial marketing department. I sort of like that characterization (quite a lot, actually). There’s something about that line between “unofficial” and “official” that gives me pause, though. I like the independence it gives me to say, repeatedly, that this is just a labor of love, and that while I clearly have my favorites, they don’t technically have me, so to speak. So just today, I finally gave a pass on the idea of adding advertisements around here, fervently hoping that I didn’t offend anyone by saying “no.” Thank me later for the shorter download time it’ll take to read neverland without ads embedded.

I’ve been making this up as I go, so having these ideas about what makes me “official” or not, or what gives me a sense of intellectual independence or not is really all just getting pulled out of my ass. It’s all improv, building a narrative, and committing to it with perhaps more conviction than I really feel. And, after all, isn’t that what homoerotic wrestling is, and what delights me so much about it? It’s innovation and improv. It’s storytelling and imagination. It’s eroticism born out of beautiful bodies, committed performances, and an intimate insight into that amorphous concept of wrestling kink. I’ll continue to do my best to vet the wrestling I watch and lift up the very best bits that capture my imagination and turn me on. Any of those enterprising folks planning on contributing something new to the field are always welcome on the pages of this blog, in the form of my hyperbole and over-enthusiasm for some hard, hot, sweaty wrestling gems wherever I find them. You keep clicking through the links I embed and purchasing from the fine producers of homoerotic wrestling that turns you on, and tell them Bard sent you. Together, lets keep these gorgeous athletes and the hardworking people behind the cameras well rewarded for their artistry, their beauty, and their ability to grab hold of gay wrestling kink with both hands and crank us up!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

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Selecting a homoerotic wrestler of the month for the new release wrestling that turned me on the hardest in February is a herculean task. Like a kid in a candy store, strolling through the new releases that dropped last month dizzies me with delight. I think to myself, that one is definitely my favorite, and then the next one comes along that captures my imagination and sends me over the top all over again.  The field is astonishingly dense. I’m almost loathe to begin listing them because I just can’t stand leaving out any of the dozens of hunks who tweaked my kink so satisfyingly. But they don’t pay me because this shit is easy (in fact, nobody pays me for anything on this blog). So let me just rattle off who vied for my affections the most in February: from BG East, Eli Black, Skip Vance, Dylon Roberts, Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!), Austin Cooper, Kid Karisma, Jonny Firestorm, Jayden Mayne, Attila Dynasty, Skrapper, Tyrell Tomsen, Z-Man, Dev Michaels, Charlie Panther, Jake Jenkins, Christian Taylor, Reese Wells, Mac Matthias and Exavier; from Thunder’s Arena, Z-Man (again!), Cameron Mathews, Brendan Cage, Lex, Big Sexy; from Can-Am, Jobe Zander, Tyler St. James, Jimmy Clay and Tyler Ford; from Rock Hard Wrestling, Jake Jenkins (again!), Austin Cooper (again!), Ethan Andrews, Jason Kane, Lucas Payne and Gunner Bayani.
I’m exhausted (in the fantastic way)! There are so many former homoerotic wrestlers of the month in this pool, it’s no wonder I’m almost stymied when trying to make this decision. Austin Cooper alone showed up in 4 nomination-worthy matches in February! Several of these hard working hotties were published in two different promotions last month. So much quality… and I’ve set for myself the task of choosing just one!? Clearly, I’m a masochist (well, okay, at least some of the time).  There are a dozen sure bets in this list, so perhaps it’s no surprise that it’s the surprise performance that catches my eye and rises to the top. I’m sure there are fierce fans who’ll take issue with my pick (already bracing against all of those ferocious Eli Black fans out there), but just keep in mind that this is all about me. With a deep sigh, letting go of so many could-be nominees, my decision is made. The new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month here at neverland is…
6’1, 201 pound Charlie Panther.

Charlie nearly pops Tim’s head off his neck!

Charlie’s body rocks me hard in this match! When I first saw him climb into the ring against rookie (I doubt it!) Tim Messina in Pros in Private 9, I was completely stunned. His physical transformation from his 3 prior appearances with BG East is nothing short of phenomenal! Seriously, BG East needs to update his profile pic, because there’s a whole new Charlie Panther in town, and he’s a rock solid hunk of gorgeousness!  Whatever he’s been doing to get so hard and hot, he needs to keep doing it. In particular, his pecs and abs are gorgeous, but it’s everything below the waist that captures me like crazy. Speaking of capturing, his legs are insanely hot, particularly with Tim’s head trapped between them. His ass fills my head with obsessive images of me grabbing his hips from behind. With that gear and that physique, Charlie is a composite vision of fantasy men wrestlers that rocked me so hard from pro wrestling in the early 80’s.

Charlie’s ass and Tim’s screams: Two Great Tastes
that Taste Great Together

Charlie in still frame is awesome, but it’s Charlie in motion that earns him the title this month. This man does not stop. He does not wane in intensity. He is exhaustingly relentless.  I hope Tim Messina was paid up on his catastrophic injury coverage for his health insurance, because Charlie is nothing short of a force of nature crashing into him time after time after time. My hunch is that no one in front of or behind the camera was planning on this being such a squash… no one, that is, other than Charlie Panther. Tim makes a go of sucking up some punishment and putting on his game face to start a few rallies here and there. But Charlie knocks that rally cap off time after time and rubs that game face off of Tim’s face with totally over the top 80’s pro bad guy invincibility and complete disregard for everything but Charlie’s date with destiny.

The Big Cat milks long, lean Tim beautifully in an OTK backbreaker.

Tim clearly has chops. I can easily picture him in the running for an -of-the-month title himself someday. But there’s just nobody to look at in that ring other than Charlie’s flexing muscles and raging hard-on of an ego.  It’s a little astonishing to me that Tim could stay in the ring with the size of Charlie’s personality taking up so much space. Of course, just being a muscle stud heel isn’t by itself a formula for success for my affections. These two dance divinely, punctuated climactically (and I mean that literally) by repeated body slams that make poor Tim catch major air on the rebound. Charlie’s OTK backbreaker (always a move that thrills me to my core) is like Charlie setting a Thanksgiving feast for me. Repeatedly, the Panther does push ups with one hand planted squarely across Tim’s throat, showing off Charlie’s dominating power, gorgeous ass, and vicious sadism to perfection.

Charlie whispers in Tim’s ear: “… and don’t you ever forget it!”

Regular readers know that I love some dialogue in a hot ring pounding. Unfortunately for Tim, he can’t get a word in edgewise because Charlie is an unstoppable torrent of trash talk that, paired with his smoking hot body, exponentiates the eroticism of this otherwise straight-up pro squash obliteration. Charlie makes it clear that he is nothing short of a god, and the BG East boys are doing nothing but wasting his time by putting this lean, green rookie in his way.  With Tim screaming like a dog caught in a bear trap (aka, Charlie’s nasty standing backbreaker), Charlie laughs as his crushed opponent pounds the mat in submission and cries (cries!!!) “I quit!!!” The final fall stuffed in his trunks and Tim essentially dead to the world and flat on his back, Charlie does push ups with his face hovering just overtop of Tim’s slack face. He dips low, alternating placing his mouth to each side of Tim’s head to whisper almost intimately in his ear, “You see that’s how The Big Cat does it, and don’t you ever forget it….”

Charlie Panther 2.0 – Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

I was just not expecting to get captured and commanded so powerfully by a completely new version of Charlie Panther. I, for one, am desperately hoping that this was not a fluke. I’m aching to see the evidence that Charlie 2.0 is here to stay. Because if he is, God help the ranks of BG East who might find themselves in his path! And in the mean time, I won’t soon forget how “The Big Cat” did it: earning the title as reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Stop and Double-Take

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Eli Black, aka Shutdown, aka Primus, aka Amazing
February is a short month to reign as top homoerotic wrestler, but Eli Black certainly hit the ground running with his recent release for Rock Hard Wrestling, delightfully schooling body beautiful Alexi “Drago-lite” Ivanov in the brutal realities of post-Cold War combat. Eli scolded me a bit for covering some of the same ground as in his interview with Joe, when I asked him about what aspects of his rocking rock hard body he’s most proud of.  Technically, Joe asked Eli about how it was to work for Rock Hard Wrestling (this was prior to BG East’s release of Gut Bash 9), during which Eli took the opportunity to appreciate how RHW makes his “picture-perfect eight-pack abs and that amazing and stunning ass” look so incredible. So my question wasn’t exactly old news, but I wasn’t about to try to correct Eli Black! I’ll leave that to much more accomplished hands (like Jake Jenkins, Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise, etc.). And God help them when they try…
Jake put Eli’s divinely sculpted 8-pack on display.

In any case, Eli once again sang the praises of his astonishingly hard washboard and his luscious ass. So as the days wind down in February, I want to echo, once again, what I said to Eli. His abs and his ass are also at the top of my list of favorite elements to the stunning fight physique that Eli has crafted.
Morgan tried to tenderize Eli’s cement core.
Why worry about sculpting a zero-fat granite sculpture like Eli’s? Of course, Eli answered that question for us as well. The better to take a beating, in the unlikely event, and bounce right back to be ready to climb into the ring and come back swinging. Eli’s body is clearly devoted to one task, and one task alone: to be as hard and strong as physically possible. So sure, Morgan pounded the living shit out of Eli’s washboard until his anatomy chart core was a deep, throbbing red. I have no doubt in the least that Eli was roaring to climb back into the ring the next morning, ready to take what he’d learned from getting caught by a surprise spear from the Mastodon and incorporate it into Eli’s own brutally dangerous game plan.
Eli’s ass is certainly eye-catching!

 And that ass! “Pow,” indeed! I throw around the term “bubble butt” far too freely around here, I’ll be the first to admit. I like a powerful, round, more than a couple handfuls of gluteus maximus any day. But Eli’s divinely sculpted ass has no resemblance at all to a bubble butt. Like every other inch of his physique, it’s hard, without an ounce of wasted mass. There’s nothing bubbly about Eli, from his tunnel vision focus on victory to his rock hard, lean butt. But unlike some endurance athletes who seem to whittle their glutes down to being flat as a board, Eli’s got the genetics to sport both zero bodyfat and a truly gorgeous, aesthetic, curvaceous, meaty ass! These cheeks could crack walnuts and look oh, so good doing it!

Eli looked primed to fuck up (or just fuck) Russian muscleboy Alexi.

I got the impression from my interview with Eli, and from Joe’s interview before that, that Eli Black is ready to do whatever it takes to get the point across: that he’s the best. His description of what he’s prepared to do if Attila Dynasty ever tries to recapture Eli’s face between Attila’s dangerous thighs (in an as yet unreleased match for BGE) was profoundly moving for me. He’s going to drive his elbow up Attila’s lean, mean ass; then he’ll ambush Dynasty whenever he climbs into the ring against another opponent, in order to beat them both senseless and shove the third man’s fist up Attila’s ass. Good fucking God! Eli Black’s playbook sounds like a combination of the movie Caligula and classic indy pro. Now that is an inspired homoerotic wrestling imagination!

Cannot WAIT to see Jake and Eli’s world class asses hit the mat!
And I suspect I hardly need to point out to anyone the provocative suggestion that Eli made when I asked him about seeing the preview pics of him wrestling a rematch with hunk stud Jake Jenkins in jock straps. When Jake decided to strip down to next to nothing, Eli took it as a personal challenge to follow suit. “I’ll wrestle naked,” Eli stated boldly in our interview, “just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in Greek times.”  I, for one, am not about to question Eli Black’s sincerity or the strength of his convictions, so I believe him 100% when he says he’s willing to wrestle naked. This, of course, begs the question of when a wrestling promotion is going to put Eli in front of a wrestler who will deliver the full monty challenge that we’re all now holding our breath for?! So many hot, naked wrestlers to choose from, I’m not sure who to recommend. How about dangling raw, fresh meat in front of this raging bull like Tyrell Tomsen or Christian Taylor? Or how about put him in the expert hands of Kid Vicious or Cage Thunder? Primus says he’s ready to battle like the Greeks, and someone needs to take him at his word!
Eli’s got plans, don’t doubt it for a second!
Eli Black has depths that have yet to be plumbed. He’s fierce, brash, potentially reckless, even, so I hope he doesn’t burn out prematurely. If he takes his knocks and sticks it out, I can’t help but believe every word of what Eli predicts for himself. He’ll be running the show (with an iron fist, no doubt) before all is said and done!

Primus

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When Eli Black powered into the title of my homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of his appearance last month for Rock Hard Wrestling, followed quickly by his debut match release for BG East, I decided to see if I could track him down for a follow-up interview to his barnburner verbal fencing match (or brawl) with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island. Despite his stated reluctance to grant me this interview, Eli actually seemed pretty open to the idea from the start, and let’s face it, Eli Black loves to talk about Eli Black! Since everything was going my way for this little project, I decided to press my luck and approach the boys at BG East to see if they had any cutting room floor shots of Eli’s match with Morgan Cruise. To my shocked delight, in what I think might be a first ever pre-release of shots from as yet unseen BG East matches, Kid Leopard himself sent me some exclusive, never before published photos of Eli in three yet to be released bouts, with permission to share them here! I get the impression that BG East is thrilled to have this ferociously ambitious tiger by the tail. He kept me on my toes during this interview. He makes some extremely bold predictions for his future success in homoerotic wrestling. And combined with seeing the punishment he can dish out and take, my conversation with Eli has made me that much more infatuated with this fierce, rock hard, seriously dangerous hottie!
———-
Eli Black – ripped, roaring and ready to conquer the world!

Bard: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Eli. I read your interview with Joe over at his blog Ringside at Skull Island and I was feeling a little intimidated. Your conversation with Joe seemed to get a little testy. Are you and he still on speaking terms?

Eli: I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to take this interview, but as far as speaking terms, you’ll see if he ever writes anything bad on me again.

Bard: Well, I’m that much more grateful that you did take this interview! I just watched your debut match with BG East against big bruiser Morgan Cruise. Holy shit, Eli! Your body is ripped to shreds! What’s the secret of staying at that level of conditioning?

Eli competes in MMA as well as as his sights
set on RHW and BGE!

Eli: Ugh!! Morgan Cruise, the hamasta pussy. Let me just say first of all that whole match was bull shit! Cheap shots left and right. I can’t wait till I see him again. Oh my God I… hate!!!… losing!!!! He’s got it coming. But I work hard on my body, with various circuit work outs from speed to power to stimulate my muscle, to be primed and ready to take beatings in case I end up taking a b.s. beating like this match was. My recovery that way is rapid and gets me back in the ring ready for more, unlike the rest of the out of shape pussies who are cheap pieces of shit.

Bard: Well your fitness is incredible, and the work you’re doing in the gym is phenomenal to see in the ring! So speaking of your match with Morgan, it certainly looks to me like you’re toying with the big kid in the opening moments. He’s flat-footed, slow, and I get the impression that you could put him on his back in a split second. With your MMA background, do you find it hard not to open up a can of full-contact whoop-ass in the world of pro wrestling?

Eli: [laughing] Yeah, I definitely can’t help myself but go. Whether I’m toying with someone or in a grudge match, I’m really good at finding a weakness in my opponents. And in Morgan’s case I could kick and strike him all day long, but once he speared me, he caught me way off guard, which was unusual for me. But I’m more than positive when it’s me and him again, he’s done! But yeah, I definitely toyed with him in the beginning. I mean there’s no one out there with my skills, so why be scared?

The Mastodon drives Eli into the
corner

Bard: I have no trouble believing that for an instant! I’ve noticed that Morgan has been calling himself “The Mastodon” in his bid to be the next big, bad heel at BG East. Other than him being hairy and, compared with you, slow, I’m not really sure his nickname really says a lot about him. Now that you’ve seen him up close, what nickname would you pick for him?

Eli: Like I said earlier, “masta pussy!” Even so, I wouldn’t even say that he’s huge! He’s not insanely strong. He’s nothing special. I am just gonna say “No Name,” because I don’t have time to waste on giving that cheap ass a nickname. Next time I see his ugly ass, I’ll make sure to cover his face up with his own underwear, with a sign on his back sayin, “Eli Black: I don’t want that!,” because of how horribly I’m going to destroy him! Other than that, his nickname is just plain stupid, and if I were his reflection in the mirror I’d laugh in his face!

Bard: I know a whole army of your fans who would line up to see you do all of that! What’s a good nickname that your fans should call you?

Eli: Hmmm, I like to think I “shutt” down my opponents, so it’s only fair to say Eli “the Shutdown” Black. What ya think about that? Amazing? Yeah, I know. I can be known as that too!

Bard: Both options sound excellent to me! So Eli “the Shutdown” Black, I hope you don’t mind if I ask another question about your body, because it’s quite a favorite topic of mine lately. With a body as amazing as yours, I can imagine it might be hard to decide, but what part of your body are you proudest of?

Eli: Hmmm, well in my other interview I did have a similar question, and since then, other than me getting even tighter and harder than before, it’s still an out of the park easy answer: my picture perfected 8-pack (sculpted by the gods themselves), and my ass that will make anyone stop and double-take more than once. And once again, I give it all to God for giving me this cement block for me to be sculpted the way I am.

Bard: Your 8-pack and your ass top my list of favorite parts of your body as well! I’m also a big fan of body art, so I love your tats. The colorful tat down your ribcage quickly caught my eye. It looks fierce, but I can’t make out what it says. Any special significance to that or any of your other tats?

Number one, the highest ranking, aka the best

Eli: Well, the one on my ribs says “primus,” meaning number one, or the highest ranking, aka the best. The one on my thigh is the outline of the best wrestling state in the world, PA. And the one behind my arm says faith, but if you look closer you’ll see behind it in red is a Chinese reading of the saying “blood, sweat, and tears,” representing what I do and believe in. And on my back, you have my Pitt panther.

Bard: Awesome art, and very cool to see how each piece speaks to your passions and strengths. I think “Primus” could easily be another excellent nickname for you. So when I mentioned to Kid Leopard at BG East that you’d agreed to do this interview, he graciously sent me some exclusive, advanced preview pics of a few matches that you’ve wrestled for BG East that have yet to be released. First, let me say that you look incredible in every shot! Second, I’m immediately drawn to the evidence that BG East gave you a second shot at evening the score with Jake Jenkins after he defeated you over at RHW. What was it like facing Jake for the second time?

In a cage, in the ring, on the mat… Eli “Primus” Black is a triple threat!

Eli: Hmm, I guess Primus would be a good one. You can take credit for that and start it for me, why don’t ya? And yeah, Kid Lep is probably one of the only straight forward wrestlers I’ve met so far. But yes, for all my fans, I got another crack at Jake, and when I say it was once again a match of the year, I left no room for disappointment. You’ll all be out your seats when you see how I do this time around! You ask anyone at BG. I fought everyone to get that rematch with li’l Jake. He tried to get out of the rematch, but like I said, only if you’re lucky! And I mean if you’re lucky enough to beat me, you’ll regret it, because I will get you again, and when you see this match when it’s released you’ll see what I do the 2nd time around.

Down to jocks, Eli is determined to exact revenge
all over Jake’s hot muscled body.
Bard: Cannot wait! The shots Kid Leopard sent look like you’re on the mats, and you start in singlets, but at some point you’re both down to jock straps. Good God, man, that’s a hot set-up!
That ass will command a double-take any day!

Eli: Yeah, he was scared to step in the ring with me again, so I said, “Hey, you have a wrestling back ground like me (just not as successful [laughing]), so let’s get on the mats. While we’re out there, I guess he thought he had a better body than me, and decided to take his singlet down, and I instantly complied by pulling mine down. I’ll wrestle naked, just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in the Greek times.

Eli’s got the noose tightening around Jake’s neck!

Bard: Pure gold, Primus! And it’s further evidence of what you’ve said about your divinely blessed ass! I cannot wait for that release! I also see that you faced off against a couple of the up-and-coming resident pretty boys of BG East. Attila Dynasty has been squeezing the will to fight out of his opponents between those surprisingly devastating legs of his. Any lasting memories of Attila that you have?

Eli’s got something in mind if Attila ever tries this again!
Eli has Attila all tied up.

Eli: Honestly that whole match is a blur, but if that little pussy Attila ever tries to put my face remotely close to his ass again, I will shove my elbow deep in it next time. Then I’ll jump in the middle of one of his matches and beat the shit out them both, and then shove whoever else was in the ring’s hand up his ass!!!!!

Bard: Personally, I’d love to see some serious shit get thrown down at BG East! First, I’ll send you $10 for elbowing Attila up the ass, and second, I’ll send you another $10 for interfering with his next match to fuck him up some more! Damn, I doubt BG East has any idea quite yet just how high you’re ready to climb!

Eli: I will say that BG East is definitely a whole different world of pro wrestling. Full of cheap ass cheaters and pussies who can only win by taking the easy way out with dirty tricks.  Rock Hard is a little more straightforward, less low blows and dirty shit, and they actually like to battle it out to be a true champion. But I’m not going to make excuses. I will overcome it all and be the champ for all wrestling, and I will go in the history books as the best, because I am the best! I train the best. I will beat the best, and I will show every one how to be the best, and what it takes to be…. Eli……… Black!!!

Bard: Hot damn, Eli! You’ve got me convinced and bursting with anticipation of seeing your master plan play out!  Your take on the differences between RHW and BGE is fascinating. I think I remember from your interview with Joe that you didn’t have a very high estimation of the scene at Rock Hard, either. Both venues have dealt you some hard knocks, but it sounds like you see the need for different strategies to accomplish your goal of conquering them both.

Eli: Yeah, Rock Hard has a bunch of two-faced snobs, but they’re not as dirty as the BG East pussies are. But yes, I will conquer it all, and I’m going to drag every one of my opponents behind me with a noose tied around their necks!

Pretty Chace LaChance does some
chiropractic work on Eli

Bard: Well, no one can say that they weren’t warned about you! I noticed there’s a shot of you wrestling Chace LaChance. I think Chace is probably the most ridiculously pretty wrestler you’ve faced. He’s talked some trash about being a boxer, but I just can’t believe a pretty face like his has ever seriously boxed. Please tell me that you left him significantly less pretty after your ring match!

Eli: No comment on him, but he was nothing that would make me think he ever boxed! Threw a punch at a pillow!!! And I would say he’s not gonna be so pretty on your scale when you see him after this match, regardless of the outcome.

Bard: I’ll take that as a promise, and again, I can’t wait to see that match! So despite having faced a whole lot of guys who did not impress you, if you had to pick one of your former opponents as a tag team partner, who would you pick?

Eli: As much as I hate to say it (and you need to understand I HATE it!), it would have to be Jake Jenkins, only because we both are similar in the way we make shit look good. We both do the work, and he’d be the only one I’d give any type of credit to.

Bard: I can’t say enthusiastically enough how I can certainly see how you and Jake make shit look good! I also have to think that the two of you would be a buzz saw through the unlucky ranks of RHW or BG East. So, you’ve been generous with squeezing this interview in, and I really appreciate it. Before I let you go, I’m wondering if you can talk a bit about what it’s like for you to have a growing group of seriously loyal fans who are tearing up the discussion boards singing your praises. You’ve made a huge impression on a lot of us fans in a pretty short time on the scene!

Eli Black makes shit look good!

Eli: I will say, and this will be the nicest thing you’ll ever here me say, that I love my fans. Believe it or not, as long as you like hardcore matches with great footage and moves and me doing what I do, I will always perform! Don’t doubt it. Keep talking me up. It makes me just wanna push harder!!!! And I have no limits!!!

Bard: That’s a challenge that I and a whole bunch of Eli “Primus” Black fans will be happy to accept! Win, lose or draw, there are a bunch of us crazy for more, and I suspect once we see that jockstrap match with Jake, you’re going to be getting more buzz than you can imagine! We’ll be happy to keep doing our part, as long as you’re keeping up your hot work and working that gorgeous ass of yours! Thanks so much for your time, and I hope we can talk again as you keep tearing up the wrestling scene!

Eli: Thank you. It was a better time than the last one. Just look forward to seeing me push harder and harder! I will never let you down.

Bard: Awesome!