Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Hotter Than I Can Imagine

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Yesterday something momentous happened. This is something that just doesn’t happen often. It played out like this… I posted yesterday on Kid Karisma’s report back to me that Austin Cooper was not the sore loser whose ego just couldn’t tolerate getting owned by Kid K. Apparently, there’s still some as yet unreleased match between Kid K and an opponent who walks away seriously pissed. Most of the time, Kid K assures us, once he’s dominated a lucky hunk in the ring, there are no hard feelings. Typically, roughed up egos are soothed with Kid’s classic concoction of karisma and commitment to bacchanalian delights. They all go out partying together once club gear replaces boots, kneepads and trunks. As is the norm, Kid Karisma revealed yesterday, Austin was out partying with Kid K soon enough after their recently released ring match for Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight DVD.
Kid Karisma can read my mind
As is my way, this sent my imagination into overdrive, picturing these two ripped, gorgeous, hot as hell young hunks tearing up the dance floor side-by-side.  With hatchets buried, Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper hitting the clubs and shaking their respective world class asses together was instantly an image that possessed my imagination with an iron grip.  Then, as if reading my mind, I received this pic from Kid K:
Kid and Coop on the dance floor before the party begins

Turns out, Kid K and Austin beat my imagination to the punch. This is apparently a shot of the two of them early on in an evening out clubbing, studying themselves in a wall of mirrors. It doesn’t look like there are many fellow-partyers yet there, but ohmygod what lucky, lucky (luckyluckylucky) bastards were those who walked onto the dance floor that night to see the sculpted physiques of Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper doing my 3rd most favorite thing to do with hard, hot bodies like theirs!

In my imagination yesterday, I had suggested that the only thing that could make that scene any hotter was to throw Jake Jenkins into the mix to form a perfect storm of blond, red-headed, and brunette hunkiness that would surely bring fellow partiers to their knees.  A short time later, I received this little treasure guaranteed to drive me insane:

Now the party can really begin!!!

I do believe in a god, because the karismatic one answered a prayer that I hadn’t even dared to voice out loud. I suppose that may make this threesome the holy trinity, but I’m going to stop the religious analogies there before I get complaints from the devout fringe who may read this blog. I may be too old and not nearly pretty enough to get in the door of any club that might be the setting to see this truly awe-inspiring scene of gorgeous bodies, but having one prayer answered already, my next prayer is to see something like this in person before I die. The smiles on their glassy-eyed faces are making me melt as I see superimposed overtop of them the picture of Austin pounding the shit out of Jake in their jockstrap BGE debut Ripped Rookies… and Kid Karisma tying Jake’s spine like a bow around the ring post in their No Mercy Hunkbash… and what I can only imagine will be a feast for the eyes to watch Kid K and Austin’s new release for Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight (which I’ll be enjoying soon!).

Crowning a New Champion: Kid Karisma

The answer to prayers (or the reading of my mind) by Kid Karisma and his camera isn’t actually the momentous event that I mentioned to start this post. Following up on a fantastically hot, candid, provocative interview to start 2012, the stunning beauty of Kid K and Austin’s match in still frame, and these behind the scenes shots of three of the most gorgeous young homoerotic wrestlers in action today, something even more momentous happened: Kid Karisma knocked Lon Dumont out of the spot of my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy)! Lon has absolutely owned that title for ages, and I’m still awfully devoted to him as he remains top contender to retake the title, but without a Lon release in Catalog 91 and with Kid K fulfilling my fantasies before I even have them, there’s just no doubt about it. There’s a fiery, no shit, hardbodied, blue-eyed, freckle-faced, red-headed rugby player turned homoerotic wrestler in undisputed ownership of the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division): Kid Karisma.

Begging the Question

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I’ve fielded several emails in the past three days about BG East’s brand new releases in Catalog 91. Damnation! So far, everyone seems to agree that this is an astonishingly hot batch of mouthwatering wrestling potential! To be blunt, there are typically at least a couple products in any given BG East catalog that leave me lukewarm. It’s not an indictment of BGE, but just a nod to the fact that BGE caters to a relatively broad swath of tastes and kinks. However, this catalog is not at all typical. In trying to decide what I can live without, I’m hard pressed to vote any of these DVDs off the island. And it’s not just that there’s maybe one match on a DVD that seems like it’s a must-see while the others are negligible. It’s pretty much every single match!  All but one DVD has at least one former or current homoerotic wrestler of the month or overall favorite wrestler title holder. Pros in Private 9 is the only product without a former or current favorite, however the shots of a Charlie Panther are blowing my mind (did that drill sergeant personal trainer Gino Liotta get a hold of Charlie’s workout routine!?). And the image of Mac Matthias’ butt keeps intruding into my thoughts over the course of my days (in a really, really great way).  So DVD after DVD, this catalog is one long, gorgeous, titillating parade of hot, hunky, hung homoerotic wrestlers!

Kid Karisma continues to perfect the art of using the ropes
to punish his opponents.

Joe has waxed nothing short of eloquent and, dare I say, almost giddy about Austin Cooper’s Wrestler Spotlight DVD and, in particular, the ring bout between Austin and Kid Karisma. I tend to think of Joe as more measured in his praise than I often am. I tend to fall into passionate love (okay, lust) with matches relatively easily, whereas I credit Joe with a more intentional approach to doling out praise in precise proportion to a match’s merits. So reading his unrestrained infatuation with Austin and Kid K’s confrontation makes me think: hot damn, I’ve got to see that!

Two epic asses should make for one extremely hot match!

Joe and I are clearly not the only ones drawn to the whole BG East catalog this go round, nor are we alone in zeroing in on the match between Austin and Kid Karisma. Three separate readers have mentioned to me that they already have orders placed for Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight with his Kid K match at front and center of their attention and anticipation. And 2 of those readers have asked me whether it’s possible that Austin could be the bitter loser who defied Kid Karisma’s charm and walked away seriously put out and resentful of getting owned by the karismatic one.

A heaping dose of the full Kid K treatment

In my interview with him last month, Kid Karisma described one particular, as yet unreleased match where his opponent walked away nursing a persistent grudge against BG East’s irrepressible partyboy.  “Well, there is one guy,” Kid K explained, “but the match hasn’t been released. It was easily the most intense match I have ever done. He hated my guts, and he hated the fact that I was much stronger and boisterous.” Rather than shaking hands and jumping onto the Kid K party train once all the dust was settled (as apparently happens with most of the lucky, lucky boys who face Kid K), a certain unnamed wrestler just walked away pissed. So the same thought occurred to me even before 2 readers separately asked me the question: is Austin Cooper said sore loser?

Austin is humiliatingly ass-upward as Kid K leans back and takes a breather

I know nothing more about it than you do, if you read the interview, so I decided to go straight to the source. Putting the question to Kid Karisma directly, I asked him this morning if Austin Cooper was the bitter nelly whose pride couldn’t cope with getting the full Kid K treatment.  He replied unambiguously, “No Austin is def not it! He’s pretty amazing, and I had a great time with him in the ring as well as out partying!!!”

Austin makes his presence felt from behind Kid Karisma
Happily, I’m just letting the image of these two asstastic body-beautifuls hitting the dance floor linger for a while. Just for aesthetics, I’m throwing into the picture Jake Jenkins, so that there’d be a devastatingly beautiful brunette to round out the hunky blond and ripped red-head trifecta. Before my imagination runs away with me entirely, let me just note that I strongly suspect that every Kid Karisma new release will be accompanied by speculation as to whether each new opponent might be the sore loser in question. Until Kid K spills the beans, we’ll just be left with the awesome delights of seeing him work his magic against the likes of sweaty muscle hunks like Austin Cooper. That will certainly tide me over in the mean time!

Kid K looks leathered up and ready to party down

Serendipity

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Eli Black is bulging in all the right places.

Serendipity: : the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for (according to Miriam-Webster). For example, what delightful serendipity, having just selected lean mean wrestling machine Eli Black as homoerotic wrestler of the month and then to find him the new coverboy for BG East’s new catalog 91!

It’s not that I expected or had even hoped to see the stunning likes of Eli on the pages of BG East at all, much less as the ripped to shreds model for the cover of the BGE website. It was just delightful serendipity.

I have not yet seen the brand spanking new release of Gutbash 9, but I’m hoping to soon. The promise of hairy side of beef Morgan Cruise and marble sculpted Eli taking it to one another’s abs with a vengeance is an arousing proposition, to say the least!

I can’t always tell from the photos or the match description who gives better than he takes, but it certainly looks like Morgan pushes his weight around and gives Eli a ferocious welcome to the ranks of BG East that he won’t soon forget. As I raved not two days ago, Eli is hot as hell, and for BG East it certainly looks like he’s even more ripped and beaten raw than I’ve seen him yet.

Morgan is looking every bit as tasty as in his debut wrecking at the hands of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy) Lon Dumont. I’m thinking that Morgan was taking notes when Lon dished out the exquisitely gorgeous and hard lessons of what it takes to be a serious BG East  heel, because he looks like he pulls out all the stops all over Eli’s beautiful body. There’s some sadistic, cheating, vile and merciless punishment captured in the preview pics for this match, and 95% of it appears to be heaped all over Eli’s tortured body. Just like Lon explained, tying your opponent up helplessly in the ropes opens up the door for all sorts of beautiful battering! I swear I can put my hand up to the screen and feel the heat rising off of those beaten beet red abs of Eli’s.

Whoever picked Eli’s gear gets a major shout out from me, as well. His RHW gear has not been entirely complimentary, but this sparse fabric with a bit “POW” plastered across his ass is simply gorgeous! His ass in the air, in a rear mount working on sleepering Morgan out cold is making me want to go back and crown him as homoerotic wrestler of the month twice this month! Since Gutbash 8 technically hit the airwaves in February, I can guarantee that Eli is a serious threat to be the first ever back-to-back winner of two homoerotic wrestler of the month titles!

And I’m just saying, I never got quite the same impression of Eli’s package that these stills from Gutbash 9 clearly give. This is nothing short of beautiful art, my friends. I’m seriously smitten!

Shane’s Big Break continues

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A little over a year ago, reader and contributor Bearhugs sent me a challenge. He started writing a fictional piece about professional wrestling. It starred a couple of high school buddies a few years out of high school. The “main” character is Shane. After learning that it’s all downhill after being the star quarterback in high school, he’s back in town. He’s not exactly long on brains, but he’s got balls to spare.  When he sees his old high school chum Neil at the gym, he hits him up for a little career starter.
Shane thinks he’s ready for action.
Seems that Neil had made quite a name for himself in the local professional wrestling operation since graduation. He’d always been on the wrestling team in school, but he’d committed himself like a maniac to making the transition to the pros. He’s a massive muscle beast. He’s sculpted and smart. And he’s an occasional headliner on the local card. Unfortunately for Neil, he’s a headliner as the local face-chump who’s endlessly featured in one storyline after another in which nasty heels use all their dirty tricks to overcome his physical superiority and humiliate him for the rubes in the seats. Shane has seen Neil on the local TV broadcast of the wrestling show, getting his big, muscle ass kicked back and forth across the ring. It doesn’t look so tough to Shane. Maybe his old high school buddy will pull some strings for him to get him a shot in the ring? Who knows, with Shane’s past as the local hero star quarterback, maybe he could generate a little income for himself to live on.
Neil’s got brains, brawn, and tons of ambition
Little did Shane know that Neil was about 3 steps ahead of him. He arranges to introduce Shane to the wrestling audience the next weekly broadcast. They plan a friendly romp, with big Neil showing Shane the ropes and giving him the welcome that a rookie deserves. But Neil’s got much, much bigger plans in store for Shane. He beats the living shit of his “old buddy.” Neil uses the opportunity to make a monumental heel turn, absolutely crushing Shane brutally as the crowds in the stands turn on the big bully.
Mikey: Shane’s Savior?
That’s where Bearhugs handed the bit over to me. It was a challenge I just couldn’t resist. I wrote “part 2” of Shane’s Big Break, in which Neil introduces Shane to the after-party, where High Rollers with deep pockets get their own show after the masses have left the building. What happens when the High Rollers start laying down cash is completely up to them. Neil’s heel turn has ignited their imaginations, and they pay good money to see Shane fucked up, both figuratively and literally, in a made-to-order, full contact, full frontal assault.  I’d intended the story to stop there, but the characters sort of stayed with me, and before I knew it, there was a part 3 of Shane’s Big Break, in which he decides the allure of a paycheck is worth the risk of a repeat of his nasty humiliations the week before. He shows up for a second week and faces off with savvy lightweight hottie and former champion, Mikey. As per arrangement, Shane cements himself as the sympathetic, heroic fan favorite by besting Mikey. However, Neil interrupts his celebration, charging the ring and laying a beat down on the both of them. 
Just a couple days ago, I posted part 4 of Shane’s Big Break, in which the High Rollers put in an order for a heaping helping of all three studs. Shane is terrified that he’s about to get fucked raw again, but Mikey, the savvy veteran, may be Shane’s saving grace. It’s all up to the High Rollers, of course, but between the force of will of big, muscle freak Neil and lean, mean lightweight Mikey, who would you prefer to see climb on top and pound out some back room homoerotic domination?
These and many more stories penned by me and others can be found at the Sidelineland group site. I’m always pleading for more of the hundreds of group members to submit a little of their own original work, so get off your asses and send me some hot wrestling fantasy fresh from your kinked imagination!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

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I owe Rex Braddock a favor, because my travel schedule this month completely distracted me from celebrating Rex as homoerotic wrestler of the month like he deserved. The calendar has dictated that it’s time for a new wrestler of the month, however, and I’m ready to get down to business. The big splash in January over at Thunder’s Arena was the arrival of Impact, who just might be able to steal Big Sexy’s name. Matched up against his purported brother, “the All American Kid” Tak, and then against former homoerotic wrestler of the month Z-Man, Impact is looking awfully stunning, especially when he tugs down the front of his trunks provocatively. Neither Can-Am nor BG East posted any January new releases, as far as I can tell.  I’m bending the rules a bit to include three matches from Rock Hard Wrestling, because I failed to include the December 29 release of tasty Travis Storm getting worked on by lean, mean muscle machine Tyler Reeves. Since then, Rock Hard also released jock fantasyman Trent Novak going pec to pec with aspiring male model, Blue Steel Cliff Johnson, as well Eli Black following up his own Rock Hard debut with a muscle bashing demonstration of iron fist diplomacy against the Russian Dream, Alexi Ivanov.
While this is a relatively narrow field compared with some other months, I’m happy to report that the bench is satisfyingly deep. Absolutely any of the above mentioned boys would be welcome to work up a lather of sweat on top of me any day (or underneath, your call). This line up features major league beauty, personality, and salesmanship, but if I’ve got to take home only one of these wrestlers, my decision is pretty damn clear…

Give me Eli Black!

A certain someone who owes me a favor (and I am keeping track!) pointed out to me that during my December Reader’s Choice poll, in which I asked readers to select the current rookie with the brightest potential for a hot homoerotic wrestling future, I made a major oversight in not including young Eli on the ballot. At that point, the only match we’d seen Eli in was in his stunning barnburner debut, matched surprisingly well against another former homoerotic wrestler of the month, Jake Jenkins. It was the sort of rookie debut that leaves me muttering at the screen, “Where’s this kid been wrestling!?” There’s no way in hell Eli Black stepped foot into the ring with hunky Jake as a literal rookie. It’s absolutely, 100% impossible, because despite eventually succumbing repeatedly to Jake’s spine snapping backbreakers, Eli has smooth skills and a hot, aggressive presence in the ring that true rookies are hard pressed to pull off.

The match that makes me anoint Eli reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is January’s hot, hot, HOT feature in which Eli says “Pryvet” and “Dasvidania” to the baby Drago import named Alexi (aren’t they all?) Ivanov.  Alexi is a post-iron curtain version of Drago, though. The Russian grins like the Cheshire cat when Eli starts things off with a smirk. “Let’s put those Russian muscles to the test then, newboy.”

Eli unleashes an All American can of whoop ass on the tanned, toned Russian Dream. After 5 minutes of failing to launch a shred of offense, Alexi has got to seriously be reconsidering his designs on conquering America. Eli works the big boy like pumping the pedals of a player piano. He maintains the pressure and the pace like he’s been swatting down Russian muscle boys for decades. Slams and suplexes, leg drops, elbow drops, and splashes off the rope… and speaking of ropes, Eli plants his boot right in the Russian’s luscious ass and uses the top rope to add that much more leverage on a shoulder-snapping standing surfboard that displays Alexi’s gorgeous, ripped body to perfection. Either Eli’s got some extensive wrestling background to explain this exquisite workmanship, or he’s nothing short of a child prodigy!

For my tastes, what transforms an arousing wrestling match into a homoerotic wrestling gem is the storytelling. Sliced beef Eli slams down the cocky banter every bit as satisfyingly as he slams down the big Russian stud. Hopping up from yet another splash down on Alexi, Eli takes a quick lap around his opponent with his hands on his hips to catch his breath. “Ah man! The only reason I’m getting tired right now is because I’m whooping your ass! Where’s the fight!? Come on, Russian boy!!!”  When Alexi’s long, strong body is twisted in an agonizing bow and arrow, Eli growls, “Yeah, all your muscles and there ain’t nothing special about you, man!”  “Lucky your girlfriend’s not here,” Eli taunts him, “you’d be ashamed to have her see this!”

Alexi eventually makes Eli pay up just a bit. All that hard, lean conditioning of Eli’s comes in handy as he takes some pounding and manhandling from the Russian Dream. It’s relatively short-lived, however, as Eli demonstrates that speed and cunning can be an awesome antidote to a 30 pound weight advantage and a nearly half a foot height advantage.  Eli covers every inch of the ring, taking his outmatched bigger opponent from corner to corner to corner to corner.

And it’s most certainly not as if Alexi is “the muscles” in this match. Eli drags Alexi’s sorry, sweet ass up off the mat over and over, muscling him around, scooping him up and slamming him down like a machine. Eli may not sport the biggest muscles in the business, but he’s all solid muscle from head to toe, and he deploys them with an awesomely arousing awareness of all the uses a hot, hard body like his can be put to.

In action, it’s Eli’s relentless aggression and his pounding, juggernaut pacing that tweaks my kink and makes him a favorite. In still frame, it’s Eli’s hot, hot athletic ass (I love it when he wipes his sweaty palms on his butt), and his eyebrows that send me into homoerotic fantasyland. Eyebrows!? Yes, eyebrows. When he’s ripping the Russian apart in a muscle feast bow and arrow, Eli’s eyebrows arch in concentrated fury. He looks like every evil genius from classic spy dramas, but this evil genius is a ripped, hard, gorgeous young homoerotic wrestling prodigy who makes me more than pleased to crown him my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month – Eli Black

Real Friends

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I’ve got deadlines coming out my ears, so things have been pretty quiet around here lately. That isn’t to suggest that I’m not thoroughly immersed in the world of homoerotic wrestling still. Somehow, there always seems to be time for that in my life, in one form or another.

BG East Boss, Kid Leopard, makes Sailor Rob his bitch
I was exchanging emails with a long-time online contact and writing collaborator a couple of days ago. We know each other primarily through the venue of homoerotic wrestling fiction.  I mentioned in my last email something about BG East. He replied that he’d never heard of them.
Kid Vicious meditates on the connection between pain and pleasure

Wha-ha-huh?! I studied his reply closer to figure out where I was misreading it. But no. Never heard of BG East. Was he joking? It doesn’t look like it. He apparently loves some hot, erotic, beautifully bodied wrestling but is unaware of BG East, which by their own account have been producing exactly that (hot, erotic, beautifully bodied wrestling) since 1980! I became aware of them about 14 or 15 years ago, and I’ve been pretty much obsessed ever since. So imagine my shock to learn that a fellow kinkster who totally gets off on the same sort of wrestling action that I do (as far as I can tell from comparing wrestling fiction notes), has absolutely no idea who BG East is.

Badboy Joe Mazetti folds hunky Brad Rochelle up like gift wrap
Simply amazing! This disclosure reveals a few things to me. For one, this online collaborator clearly does not frequently read this blog. It’s simply impossible that someone could even occasionally read neverland and come away having never heard of BG East (or any of the other companies I finance with my homoerotic wrestling purchases, but especially BG East). Most of the feedback and ongoing conversations I’m involved in start with something I’ve said on the blog, so it catches me off guard that someone who knows my wrestling kink rather well doesn’t linger much around these parts. No shame, mind you. I’m not suggesting there’s anything wrong with not reading my frequently convoluted, often self-contradictory musings about what turns me on about homoerotic wrestling. Just surprised that someone who’s read a lot of my writing doesn’t read it here much.
Jonny Firestorm is out to destroy prettyboy Alexi Adamov
More interestingly for me, this revelation surprises me because I figure everyone who’s into homoerotic wrestling fiction online is also part of the fan base of homoerotic wrestling videos. I wasn’t conscious of it, but I was assuming that the gay wrestling video tent entirely contained within it the gay wrestling fiction audience. Homoerotic wrestling videos came before wrestling writing for me, so I’ve been under the assumption that everyone who I interact with around homoerotic wrestling fiction has also come by the same path. Assumption checked.
Mr. Joshua shows Darius that he’s got the right tool for the job
That anyone with a love for homoerotic wrestling in any genre or format should just not recognize the name BG East, however, seems like a missed opportunity for some hot pounding wrestling delights. I’m fully transparent in admitting often that my own fiction is frequently drawn from the best and most inspiring of what turns me on in the videos I watch. I certainly seem to recognize many of the same angles, perspectives, body types and holds in gay wrestling graphics/visual art that are, at least, “in keeping” with some of the gorgeous wrestling that good folks like BG East produce so well.

Brooklyn Bodywrecker taunts us with Mr. Joshua’s naked ass

So anyone who happens to read this post, perhaps surfing through following a search link for wrestling fiction or some particular celebrity wrestling fetish that you and I share, if you’re gay and hot for wrestling and haven’t extensively explored the world of BG East, go there now. If the names Kid Leopard, Kid Vicious, Jonny Firestorm, Brad Rochelle, Alexi Adamov and Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!!!) don’t ring a bell, and if anything that rings my bell rings your bell, then you should avail yourself of some awesome wrestlers and action. And if you and I exchange emails and you report being completely unaware of BG East, or Can-Am, or Thunder’s Arena, or Rock Hard Wrestling, then don’t be surprised if, after I get over being gobsmacked, I immediately tell you to walk, not run, to any and all of these find purveyors of fine wrestling kink.

Jose and his jackhammer pound hunky Greg Leary into the mat

As far as I’m concerned, real friends don’t let friends remain unaware of hot, homoerotic wrestling action!

Roadmap

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Thunder’s Arena’s Coupe shows off his vascularity
As I mentioned in my last post, there’s a lot about Thunder’s Arena’s Coupe that turns me on. I could go on for days about the intoxicating brew of his freakish physical development mixed with self-depracating humor and a strong chaser of insecurity. I could linger for hours at a time over the gargantuan slabs of beef that are his glutes. He sports the proportions of a superhero, ripped from the imagination of some barely suppressed gay comic book artist. But for today, I’m captured by the effect that Coupe’s vascularity has on me. The ropes of thick veins stretched across his arms and shoulders drive me nuts!
BG East’s Lon Dumont is shredded!
In Rookie Wreckers 1, Lon Dumont is in astonishing shape. His body is straight out of my college anatomy and physiology textbook. On the road to competing in several bodybuilding competitions soon after his humiliation of the beefy beauty, young Morgan Cruise, Lon had already whittled away every gram of body fat, until there was just nothing left but his gorgeous, smooth skin stretched across his skeletal muscles. With simply no padding, you can clearly see the sharp edges of his joints, the lay of the muscle fibers themselves, and the spiderweb of veins feeding his awesomely pumped muscles. With hunky Morgan tied up helplessly in the ropes and forced to watch, Lon took an opportunity to practice some of his mandatory poses. Admiring his own side chest pose, Lon marveled at the roadmap of striations and veins carved across his cut pecs. “Look at that!” he demands of Morgan, in awe at the sight of his own astonishing fitness.
Thunder’s Arena’s King Conan: built to impress (and crush)

Aussie pro bodybuilder, Conan at Thunder’s is nearly too big for my tastes. If I had a man this size inviting me to worship his physique like the god he most certainly is, I almost wouldn’t know where to start. However, I think I’d figure it out, and veiny ropes bulging just beneath the skin would hold my attention for quite some time. And speaking of holding, I’d go deep into debt to pay every penny it would be worth to have Conan lock my head between those veiny thighs in a deep, suffocating face-to-crotch scissors and have him dick whip my face.

BG East’s recent masked muscle freak discovery, Magnus, left me nearly as much in awe of him as that lucky bastard gym bunny, Surge. All that beef hanging from Magnus’ legs require thick, bulging veins to supply his quads, hamstrings and calves with the nourishment they need. Damn, that’s hot!

Can-Am’s Steve Sterling – tags and bags his opponents with
his overwhelming muscle development

Can-Am’s classic muscle beast, Steve Sterling, had a gorgeous… well, a gorgeous everything! But in the heat of competition, when he’d strain and flex and inevitably outmuscle the lambs led to slaughter in front of him, the veins in his arms would swell to the surface and bring me, like so many of his opponents, to my knees.

Thiago’s muscles look ready to explode as he counters
Jobe’s oh-so-tight rear bearhug

Can-Am’s Thiago Diaz‘ upper body is jaw-droppingly sculpted. The muscle mass he carries on his arms, shoulders and chest is almost unbelievable. I almost wonder if he’s wearing some blow-up muscle suit to explain his astonishing thickness (not to mention the muscle that’s challenging the seams of his trunks!). When Thiago flexes, straining to power out of a fiercely intimate rear bear hug by sadist cockmaster, Jobe Zander, the vascularity that flares up across his upper arms and shoulders pushes me right to the edge of self-control (and frequently right over the edge).

I’m on the record for being turned on by a diversity of bodies. It isn’t that the details don’t matter to me, but that I’m a fan of all sorts of packages for each set of sweet, provocative details they have. By no means do my wrestling turn-ons require bodybuilders to satisfy what ignites my erotic tastes. Lean meanies, beefy bruisers, tasty twinks… hairy, smooth, pretty boys and ugly mugs… fratboy loveliness, perfectly seasoned maturity… I’m blessed by all sorts of buttons that ignite my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. Gorgeous, bulging, pulsing veins rising to the surface of a rock hard body is right up there with some of the qualities that turn me on the most.

The Biggest Loser

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Coupe’s back! This makes me happy. Coupe is a muscle freak that rocks me every ounce as hard as his stunning body is (hard, that is). His arms and chest are like a road map of thick, blue veins. His 6’1″, 215 pound body is tanned a freakish mocha that convinces me he’s got to be yet another competition bodybuilder-turned-wrestler. His quads look thicker than his waist, and this minuscule fraction of body fat is probably not indicative of an entirely healthy, happy diet. There are some elements to the package that is Thunder’s Coupe that could go either way for me. Too much a vascular muscle freak, too many monster veins and synthetic skin tone can become more than I can get into. Somehow, Coupe stays just within the lines of homoerotic wrestling fantasy material for me.  His personality may be the piece of the puzzle that tips the scales the right direction. Some of his on camera banter with Cameron Mathews from a ways back was fantastically charming. He’s got a sense of humor. His wrestling persona is oddly self-depracating when packaged in that superhuman physique. He loses… a lot. And there’s something intoxicating about watching all that mind-blowing muscularity manipulated, exploited and owned. That he’s back at Thunder’s for more makes me happy not only for the eye candy, but the enjoyment of witnessing both his Superman assets paired with an adorable vulnerability.
Coupe and Dallas meet for Bodybuilder Battle 48 as they both lounge around the Thunder’s Arena living room. They start a little pissing contest about who’s been brutalized the worst. It’s a homoerotic wrestling take on “biggest loser,” as both notorious whipping boys take ironic pride in boasting their most humiliating defeats. In a battle of jobbers, who’s the jobberiest?
Aptly named Big Sexy shows up to light a fire under these boys. I appreciate the sentiment. While I find a distinct allure to a squash or a destined-to-job muscleman, if there’s no pretense of an ego on the line, then it’s just not very homoerotic for my tastes. Eye candy is nice. Pretty bodies on display are pleasing. But if the wrestling has no heart, it doesn’t tweak my wrestling kink. So Big Sexy offers $500 to whichever notorious loser can finally chalk up a decisive victory. Coupe is eager to take the challenge. Dallas looks less  hopeful.
On the Thunder’s mat, Dallas cannot take his eyes off of Coupe’s sculpted pecs. “You’re huge!” he mutters with a dumbshit grin on his face.  Big Sexy leans toward Coupe conspiratorially. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to win…” he confides to Coupe. Then he turns his attention to his former chore boy to explain, “…cause you’re shitty.”
Dallas mutters, embarrassed, “Me too.”  As the action finally commences, there’s more than a helping of the typical Thunder’s camp that bounces off of me like rubber. Dallas, in particular, is about 3.5% wrestler, 96.5% ham sandwich from start to finish in this match up. Reminiscent of many a “fight” between me and my older brother when I was about 6 years old (which was just not homoerotic), Dallas goes for an “Indian burn” early in the match. The boys laugh at themselves uncomfortably for the first 10 minutes or so. Personally, I’m attracted by a build up of tension, but with each snort and nervous chuckle, they frustratingly release the tension and reduce my satisfaction.
Back to the issue of eye candy, however, Coupe looks amazing. Returning from the awkward cuts showing extensive need for editing the original tape, Coupe is frequently found flexing his muscle freak physique for no other reason than he knows he looks so fucking hot. It’s the eye candy aspect that keeps me watching when Dallas’ ham makes me just feel uncomfortable for these big boys. Slowly, Coupe settles firmly into character. He easily puts Dallas on his back and forces him to strum his washboard abs. They trade bear hugs that show off Coupe’s munchable striated glutes. When Dallas manages an improbable schoolboy pin and then cradle, Coupe’s mind-blowing muscles are stretched and displayed from nearly every angle. Spread-eagled and bridging, it makes me long to offer another $500 to Dallas if he’ll just keep Coupe locked up long enough for me to seriously study his captured crotch up close… with my hands… and my tongue.
Coupe eventually hits a note that turns me on without reservation. It’s his crowing, gloating muttering of the phrase, “All day…” that finally sells me. He pounds Dallas’ soft tummy. He claws his pecs. He scoops him up like absolutely nothing and parades the unemployed pizza delivery boy around the mat with growing pleasure at the feel of being in charge. “All day,” he mutters with each compromising position he lays down on his continually clowning opponent. “All day,” he says, slamming Dallas to his back.  He seamlessly transitions from the body slam to an armlock, cranking Dallas’ elbow backward painfully. “Is that not the way it’s supposed to go?” Coupe asks, chuckling, this time not in nervous self-consciousness, but in cocky confidence.  “This is called ‘Getting Fucked Up,’ man,” Coupe gloats.
When Dallas wrestled for Naked Kombat as Parker London, he was hot, intense, and all business. So I know that he can do something other than clown around. He also rode his NK opponent like a pony before force feeding him his cock and plowing his ass, so I’m ready to cut Dallas some slack and not over-interpret his clownishness here as contempt for his audience. But it takes some considerable heat on the part of Coupe to avoid being doused by the cold shower of Dallas’ screwing around and laughing.  When Coupe literally beats a final submission out of him, stretched backward across his thigh and pounding Dallas’ soft core like a sledge hammer, it’s an erotic relief/release for me to see something that looks like powerful, beautiful physical domination. If the rest of the match was as gorgeously sold, if Dallas just channeled a little of his pornboy Parker persona to put a little ego on the mat, this could have been a thoroughly rousing scrap.
As it is, I’m just happy to see Coupe in action again, and I can generate some serious enthusiasm for the moments of wrestling kink allure that he works himself into. Now, if he’d peel off those canary posing trunks and ride Dallas around the mat like a pony, this fun little 27 minute diversion would be seriously epic!

Odysseus Arrives

wrestlebard3 Comments

I completely understand why 44% of you selected wrestling hunk Jake Jenkins as the homoerotic wrestler who best embodies the spirit of Odysseus. He was the runaway winner in the field of 6 nominees (7, really, since SP put in a write-in vote for Wade Cutler). Reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month Rex Braddock, looking an awful lot like Steeve Reeves from his sword and sandal film days, had support early in the voting. But tough young Jake came from behind to spank Rex’s bubble butt handily, garnering 2 votes to his 1 when all was said and done.

When Jake hit the scene as the very definition of Rock Hard Wrestling, I had a hit from the chatter that we were falling into two categories: Jake Jenkins fanatics vs Austin Cooper fanatics. There’s not a thing wrong with blond bombshell Austin, mind you, but I was instantly in the Jake camp. He’s clearly a well-trained athlete, including bringing solid amateur wrestling skills with him to the ring. Kid Karisma probably put it best, dubbing Jake a “fucking monkey” for his ability to climb and jump, swing from the ropes and leap through the air inside the ring. Needless to say, he’s also hot as hell. And he’s quickly developed great instincts for selling a story, conquering more than his fair share of bigger opponents and also suffering like someone with intimate knowledge of what it feels like to get owned.
More to the point of Jake-as-Odysseus, he can totally work for me as a Greek hero, fearlessly facing the wrath of the gods determined to break him in body and spirit. His hot muscled body trapped, squeezed, and tied up helplessly by one sadistic opponent after another (particularly in his BGE work) makes it no stretch at all to think of him as the pawn of Olympus, battered, beaten, crushed and humiliated, but never completely broken.
There’s a virtuous “everyman” quality about Odysseus that Jake just barely qualifies for in my book. If Odysseus didn’t have a little god-spunk in his own genetic recipe, Jake might look just too tasty for the role. But Jake works an awfully compelling mixture of both cocky self-confidence and intoxicating vulnerability at the same time. Through sheer grit, he can endure apparently endless suffering to overcome the odds and bring a relative giant to his knees. In expert hands, though, he can also get chipped away, his iron clad core of muscle and fortitude that much more luscious as he goes down time after time to the dark powers of domination and injustice.
Odysseus brushes against complete destruction over and over again. He’s a mere mortal (a hot, macho, battle-sculpted mortal, of course), so against the divine interference of gods and demigods, he’s tricked and toppled repeatedly. He’s helpless and hopeless, if not for divine intervention that allows him to fight another day. And when it comes to Jake, there are few wrestlers currently in the business who I’d rather see soaked in hard-working sweat, tied up bare assed and in agony like a pretzel, refusing to submit despite facing absolutely zero chance of extricating himself from his tragic circumstances.

BG East Arena has preview pics of Jake in a Wet and Wild match, soaked in see-through speedos, on the edge of getting drowned by Poseidon/Christian Taylor. There are some homoerotic wrestlers that I love watching in a squash (either end of the stick), but Jake, like Odysseus, is most entertaining and lovely when he’s working, working hard, struggling, fighting, battling with every awesome muscle and acrobatic ability, straining to keep me entirely wrapped up in the suspense.

And speaking of suspense, thanks for your words of encouragement and support in my own epic journey to get home. Happily, I finally made it!

My Odyssey

wrestlebard1 Comment

You would not believe the week I’ve had. I’ve slept in three different time zones, been snowed in twice, re-routed 3 times, and I’ve been working my ass off every step of the way. I feel a lot like Odysseus, tackling one epic obstacle after another thrown at me by the gods. And even as I type this, the same demonic snow storm that has trapped me once already has left me snowbound yet again, far from home.

I don’t know what I did to offend the gods, or what bad karma I accrued, or how unlucky I am to have defied probability on so many counts to come up on the short end of the stick. In any case, thank the gods that I at least have internet access now. The subzero wind chill and blinding snow outside are screaming my name, but I’m warm and sheltered for the time being. I’ve been away from the blog so long that I’m struggling to get my groove back. So I’m just going to ask for a little help from you all.

You know the story of Odysseus. Greek hero, thwarted by the ancient gods from his trek to return home to his family after fighting valiantly in the Trojan War. He battled a cyclops. He was briefly made an amnesiac by the Lotus Eaters. Half his men were turned to swine by the witch Circe.  He resisted the temptations of the ensnaring voices and vaginas of the Sirens. At every turn, the gods thwarted his journey home, threatening to take his life, battering him with the strength of all the elements of earth, sea and sky.

So my question for you, readers, is which homoerotic wrestler best embodies the spirit of Odysseus?  He’s got to be able to suffer overwhelming odds and profound injustice and keep battling back. He’s got to make women swoon, but prefer the company of his virile young men who follow him faithfully. He’s got to be athletic, strong, commanding and inspire both divine lust and ire. Which wrestler do you most readily picture in a loin cloth, tied to the mast of a ship, swelling with lust and driven nearly mad with desire? You can nominate your own by commenting below, but here are the nominees I’m placing before you for consideration…

Brad Rochelle

With the buzz over Brad Rochelle’s return after a long absence from BG East wrestling, I think he could have the look and the persona to be Odysseus. And perhaps he has his own heroic Odyssey to explain is long absence from the scene.

Cameron Mathews

Cameron Mathews has got to be one of the hardest working hunks in wrestling, which earns him a nomination for the role of Odysseus. Hot body, handsome face, astonishingly lush ass, and an all around good guy… the makings of an epic hero.

Thunder’s Arena’s Boxxy

 Boxxy is my wild card in this deck. I know he’s made a big splash at Thunder’s, and a helpful reader recently pointed me to his bare-all solo work at Randy Blue. He could have the making of a sincere, heroic face who gets pummeled and pounded by injustice but remains true to his belief that by virtue and hard work, he deserves to win in the end.

Jake Jenkins

Jake Jenkins stars in all sorts of fantasies of mine, and it’s no stretch at all to picture him in a loin cloth, battling the giant cyclops, taking a beating and relentlessly bouncing back for more. And I suspect that like me, there are plenty of men and women who’d lie, cheat and steal for his affections, just like Odysseus!

Can-Am’s Paul Perris

Too literal? Whatever. We know that the classic bodybuilder/kickboxer/homoerotic wrestling icon Paul Perris looks mouthwatering when tied up. This man driven wild by the Siren’s song, willingly tied to the mast of his ship by his men, would be awfully picture perfect.

Rex/Rex Braddock

Finally, homoerotic wrestler of the month Rex Braddock has the facial hair and the gorgeous, hairy body of a Greek hero. There’s a raw edge to Rex that I love. He’s somehow gorgeous and yet not pretty. He’s a beast of a man, but neither quite fits my typology of a gym bunny or a bodybuilder. He could be an everyman hero, no doubt. The object of lust, ire and a never-say-die willingness to stare down whatever the gods might throw at him.

Let me know what wrestler you think fits the bill of the classic Greek hero Odysseus by voting in the margin at the right. And wish me luck defying the gods in my own journey home.