A couple of days ago Bruno posted a couple of pics of the week at Beefcakes of Wrestling that caught my eye. I tweeted out the link and asked for help identifying the slice of brutally beautiful heaven spreadeagled and sitting across the chest of some lucky, lucky bastard. A wrestling fan responded, using his best cyberstalker skills, and found that the photo was of one half of The Island Brothers, tag team champions at an operation in the UK called Grand Pro Wrestling. In particular, this is the brother Tabu.
I’d trade places with blondie in an instant!
Let me say again that this beefy beauty can sit on me anytime he’d like. Particularly if Tabu wears that single strap singlet squeezed so tight around every hot bulge and protrusion.
I’ve found just one video of The Island Brothers publicly available. It appears to be shot by a fan, and only the other Island Brother (Rio) is shown actually wrestling. The video cuts out right when Tabu finally tags in. Bastards. The Grand Pro Wrestling site is very nicely put together. Great photos. More high quality promotional photos on their FB page. But the operation clearly targets a local UK audience with access to see their shows live. There’s a lot of beef in their roster, though. There would be a much broader audience interested, I’m certain.
No one wore the single strap singlet better than Kid Leopard. Perhaps that’s where I learned to associate that gear with hot, homoerotic wrestling kink.
The single strap singlet holds a place of deep affection for me. I’m not sure why, but it has somehow seemed twice as sexy than a traditional singlet. It probably has to do with the titillating glimpse of more skin. Whatever the case, my homoerotic wrestling kink gets kicked up 2 notches when there’s a hot, muscled body like Tabu’s squeezed inside a single strap singlet. In summary, let’s see much, much more of Tabu. More ripped hunks in single strap singlets. And more massive bulges shoved in supine studs’ faces.
I neglected to anoint a homoerotic wrestler of the month last month, but it’s not because there weren’t outstanding and eligible candidates. It was entirely do to my neglect (and ass-kicking travel schedule). To rectify the situation, I’m widening the field for the new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month to include all of the new releases for the past 2 months. That makes this the homoerotic wrestler of the months, I suppose. Or of the summer. Whatever. Fuck semantics. Let me get down to business. I wrestled about twice as long comparing and contrasting twice the new releases, but I kept finding myself drawn back to what I found to be a surprising conclusion. This is a first-time HWOTM and someone I haven’t spent a ton of time writing about. But for reasons I’ll explain below, I decided that my new homoerotic wrestler of the month(s, summer) is…
Somehow it feels to me like Trey has been around the scene for ages, but that’s just not the case. He’s wrestled a total of 3 times in BG East releases, and those have all been out less than a year. I’d consider him part of the sophomore class, but like I said, there’s a quiet confidence and maturity about the stunningly ripped stud that belies his relatively brief known (to me) wrestling resume. So seeing him in the ensemble cast of BG East’s early summer release Wet & Wild 7: Pool Tournament, I’m a little surprised to find myself so taken with him. Standing out among the crowd of contenders across all June/July wrestling releases is tough enough, but also standing out among 5 other sophomore class hunks seems like even more of an achievement.
Babyheel Kayden Keller crushes Trey’s head between his hot, hairy thighs.
Wet & Wild 7 is a king-of-the-pool competition, so that at least makes sense to me as grabbing my attention. I love the drama of wins and losses and eliminations and best 2-out-of-3 to the title moments, and all of these are part of this fun romp. All 6 studs get their hands on each other at some point or another, but early going its clear that the hunk to beat is either going to be Trey or Mason Brooks. In the initial single elimination round robin, in fact, they’re the two left standing, but along the way, everyone has gotten into the act. Initially, the action is pulled directly from summer pool fights from my childhood, with the scramble taking place in the middle of the pool, punctuated repeatedly by humiliating dunks and long, slow, overpowering submissions.
Mason likes the feel of Trey under his control.
In the initial one-and-out impromptu tournament, it’s the freshest man in the pool, Mason, who overcomes long, lean, tanned, beautiful Trey for the victory. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is satisfied with smart-mouthed Mason simply taking the crown and walking away with it. Regular readers know that I’m more than a little infatuated with Mason, and though BG East doesn’t ask, I unilaterally award him Best Nipples of the Year every year. Mason is smart and quick witted and when victory goes to his head, no one around that pool is happy to concede he’s king of the pool.
Skrapper and Ty work out some frustrations after taking one too many taunts from Mr. Nipples.
What follows is a very fun fuck-the-rules free for all as the boys go to town on each other. Double teams batter every cocky stud, including Mason, down a notch or two. Mastered muscles are paraded around the pool for the combatants at poolside to indulge in some gratuitous slaps and punches and trash talk. There are sweet subplots of revenge enacted after earlier slights and humiliations. Personally, I’m struck by the stunningly hot contrasts when Trey returns to wolverinish, pale, hairy heel-in-training Kayden Keller to teach the babyheel a thing or two.
Trey makes Kayden pay.
The moment in this match that haunts my dreams is after Trey has milked out a submission from Kayden. He turns to the rest of the boys sitting on the pool deck, and with supreme confidence he holds his arms out wide, inviting any and all to deny that he’s the fucking stud to beat. Trey says precious little in his matches, at least as far as verbal communication goes, but his non-verbals raise trash talk to new heights! His arms held out silently to his sides light a fire in my crotch that’s still burning a month and a half later!
Who’s next, bitches?
Ultimately, Mason is as worn out as everyone else, and with the field a little more even, he and Trey agree to go 2 more falls to determine whether Mason truly is the pool bully of the day, or whether tanned beauty Trey is the rightful title holder.
Trey’s got Mason right where I want him.
They’ve both tasted victory. They’ve both choked on humiliation. Absolutely having to win a fall or face the humiliation of going down 2 in a row, Trey turns into a wild animal. He swarms all over Mason, exploiting his long limbs and superior height to take advantage of the smart mouthed stud puppy. More and more the action spills out of the pool and onto the pool deck, which for someone like me who resents pool wrestling for how much remains unseen underwater, is a blessing.
Tanned, toned, ripped muscle hunk Trey makes a convincing case for the king of the pool title.
Trey takes the equalizer, and the fierce look of determination on his face drives me nuts! Okay, that look along with his stunningly flexed muscles. And that hot bulge in his trunks. And the momentary desperation playing across Mason’s normally cocky face. The buzz cut, the all-over tan, the pump, the squeeze, the veins popping to the surface… Trey is picture perfect as the Lord of the Summer, the Poolside Bully Extraordinaire, the muscle-punk tamer, the champ.
Mason turns the tables, and Trey struggles to keep his dreams of victory afloat.
There are depths to Mason Brooks, however, that we have yet to plumb. With the momentum heading Trey’s way, Mason finds gears that no one has ever even heard of. Trey spends days languishing between Mason’s gorgeous thighs. He throws his own offense, but finds the chess master Mason two steps ahead of him every time.
Trey becomes Mason’s catch-of-the-day.
Slowly, it’s Mason’s fall to lose. Even the superhuman conditioning on Trey can’t stave off exhaustion as he battles the water weighing him down and his opponent gradually taking possession of his smoking hot body. Here’s where the real competition happens for today’s question, because this could be Mason’s HWOTM title for his part in this work of art. But what lingers in my mind’s eye is Trey selling the story of the poolside bully worn out, beat at his own game, and hung out to dry. Once a finely tuned muscle machine patrolling his waters like the primordial shark, Trey melts helplessly cracked across Mason’s knee, in the Virginian’s total control as Mason crushes his balls.
Not so cocky now, eh, Trey?
There’s this fantastic symmetry as Mason hoists Try up across his shoulders. Almost as if in cruel mockery of himself, Trey’s arms hang to his sides, palms up, the pool Messiah crucified in the same position with which he had summoned all challengers earlier in the afternoon to soak in the sight of his awesomeness and tremble at his taunting challenge.
Mason let’s everyone take a crack at his new plaything.
Mason parades the once-mighty hunk around the perimeter of the pool for everyone who Trey had bullied to slap around and taunt. He is Mason’s possession to do with what he wills. That gorgeous tan. Those ripped muscles. That devastatingly handsome face. It all belongs to Mason. And everyone, even a begrudging Skrapper, has to admit that this day, this pool, this vanquished hunk, belongs to Mason.
Trey’s worked up quite an appetite with all of that pool wrestling!
All six sun-kissed studs are torqued beyond tolerances by the extremely erotic action, and they all retire to the middle of the pool to luxuriate in the pumping adrenaline and hard bodies all around them. Again, Trey let’s his body do the talking, leaping into Ty Alexander’s arms as if Trey has been ravishingly hungry for a taste of adorable Ty all afternoon. Ty’s hands grab Trey’s ass underwater. Trey cradles the back of Ty’s head in his hands and locks lips, sucking face with a ferocity to match his wrestling performance.
Awesome ensemble!
I repeat, this is an ensemble piece and all six of these summer studs tell the story. But among all of the boys of summer, for the body, the beauty, and the balls, for everything he’s packing inside those trunks, for his unspoken trash talk, and for his perfect telling of power and domination spoiled and broken, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is Trey Dixon.
I enjoy a complex recipe of favorite veterans and promising newbies in what I look for in tasty homoerotic wrestling fare. Fresh blood piques my imagination, leaving me pondering who may become a familiar favorite over time and who could be a one hit wonder. Newbies are all promise and possibility, and there’s something exciting about remembering that tomorrow’s stars always start as untested unknowns vying for victory and, even more importantly, the affections of fans. The new mid-summer half-catalog release from BG East out yesterday is a beautiful example of mouthwatering staples sprinkled with spicy new faces to ignite the taste buds. To keep things unexpected and unpredictable, here are the beautiful hunks making their BG East debuts.
Jakeno Enzi flexes his muscles and smirks as he debuts in Undagear 22 against a fellow BG East freshman. Have we seen this spicy hunk elsewhere, or is this a true homoerotic wrestling virginal appearance?Archer is Jakeno’s opponent in Undagear 22, far from unknown to homoerotic wrestling fans from his prior work with Thunder’s Arena. Dipping his toe into BG East waters is likely to pose smoking hot Archer new challenges and almost certainly open him up to a whole new cadre of adoring fans.Galen Welsh makes a big splash debuting opposite Braden Charron in Strip Stakes 4. Galen strikes me as super villain Bizarro to Brad Rochelle’s Superman. A keen eye will note we’ve seen Galen wrestling as Sandeus in Season 9 of Muscle Domination Wrestling, but he saves his biggest reveal thus far by going full monty for BG East fans.Aw, hell, get a load of sugary sweet babyface Richie Douglas who runs into Dr. Cooper’s scalpel in his Gut Bash 11 BG East debut. Talk about virginal! I’ve got two spoons ready to shovel in as much of hot young Richie as I can in one sitting, in case the evil side of Coop cuts short this beauty’s wrestling career.
What is “vintage?” Of the available definitions I can find, the only one that fits as an adjective for homoerotic wrestling is “representing the high quality of a past time.” I don’t think that really captures what gets collected as vintage erotic wrestling pics and video, but I don’t have a better definition. A lot in that genre is black and white, but not all. A lot feature the legendary “pouch” gear, but not all. Whatever it is, I seem to know it when I see it, and it has a hard wired hotline to my crotch. Here are a few examples that turn my crank with both hands, all found filed under “vintage,” in honor of the randomness of “Throwback Thursday.”
(L) John “Suplex” Smith v ® Logan “Leg Lock” Vaughn
I’ve been a fan of Logan Vaughn since I saw him in way underutilized in Ultimate Top. He’s hot from head to toe, but those legs of his blow my mind! It’s no wonder, when posed with choosing the obligatory nickname for his Naked Kombat debut, that he/they chose to call him Logan “Leg Lock” Vaughn. His telephone pole thighs simply cannot be ignored when summing up what grabs you most about Logan, and if you want to intimidate an opponent, just call to mind the possibility of getting “grabbed” and crushed by those gargantuan quads.
John quickly grabs hold of the momentum
Logan hits the NK mats at 5’10” and 175 pounds. When asked what he thinks of John “Suplex” Smith, Logan focuses on THE ONLY weakness evident at the outset, smirking “he’s pretty pasty. He needs a tan. So I’m going to kick him where the sun doesn’t shine.” The problem is, a lack of tan (only arguably a “weakness,” at best) is pretty much the only thing to pick on. A self-reported two time All-American wrestler with extensive MMA experience past and present, lean and in phenomenal condition with washboard abs carved out of (pale white) marble, John is ripped and resumed! He’s 3 inches taller, but the same weight, so perhaps it’s a little stretch when he calls out Logan as “scrawny, but cute.” On face value, though, I’m seeing instantly that conditioning and cardio, not to mention a mountain of technique and skill, are going to make this a really, really bad day for unlucky Logan.
Even when Logan is on top, you get the feeling John is in complete control
The first round looks like more of a back and forth scramble at first blush, but I don’t argue with the NK point tally at the end of the round that gives the advantage 18-9 to John. “Suplex” is in control, whether he’s on top or bottom (love that in a man), and there are moments where it seems clear that he’s just letting Logan push some offense. For example, despite his masterful balance and control, he just allows Logan to put him on his back, slide up his torso to a schoolboy pin, and smash John’s face into Logan’s crotch. Yeah, I can understand why John would be more than happy to give away those points. It’s not like he’s going to have any problem winning them back. It’s Logan’s trunks that get ripped off first, though understandably it takes some doing to stretch the red fabric around those gargantuan thighs (have I pointed out that enough!?). John’s trunks come of his lean, streamlined body soon afterward. By the time the first round score is announced, Logan is clearly winded, while the all-American stallion looks like he hasn’t even started.
Logan’s legs are phenomenal!!! (as is the rest of him, but seriously, look at those legs!)
Of course I watched this match entirely to feed my infatuation with Logan, but John is now firmly in my radar for wrestling kink. Watching him play Logan’s body like a pipe organ is incredibly sexy, and there’s just nothing but incredibly defined, hot athletic muscle on him. In round 2 he starts to get into the moment, muttering “yeah, yeah,” as he relishes the feel of Logan struggling impotently in yet another immobilizing hold. Jock straps are ripped off. There’s no disguising that this is 100% John’s match pretty much every moment. When Logan uses his superior muscle mass to power on top, you can watch his endurance meter dive each and every time. At the end of round 2, they announce that the score is now 32-16 for John. In 2 rounds, Logan hasn’t managed to catch up to John’s first round!
John places his full weight onto the lower back of bodybuilder beast of burden Logan.
Production gets weird when immediately after the end of round 2, they come out and announce “at the end of round 3” John has won the match 32-16. Round 3? What the fuck? The gladiator pornboys don’t argue. John gets down to force-feeding Logan his cock. There’s a most excellently selected pony ride, as the star athlete makes the bodybuilder powerhouse his beast of burden. He fucks him, steps on his face, forces Logan to lick his own cum off of John’s toes. “Leg locks didn’t do anything for you this time, did they, fucking little bitch!” John finishes the erotic domination strong.
John Smith keeps taunting, smirking, belittling Logan post-match like a heel.
Unlike many NK post-match interviews, John keeps the trash talking going strong, belittling and taunting Logan who has to silently witness the conversation. There are a couple moments where Logan flexes his stunning quads, making me think that he’s not taking it good-naturedly. Little wonder, because when it’s Logan’s turn to interview, he quickly explains he had a pre-existing back injury coming into the match. After attempting to lift his opponent a third time in round 2, Logan reports that he knew he was finished. Couldn’t do it again. Couldn’t manage a round 3. So considering Logan took the sex round like a sport, looking back on John’s choice of a pony ride mounted across Logan’s injured back, as well as his post-match taunts and smirks, it all certainly makes “Suplex” seem like a real dick! Which, if we just get this thoroughbred into a pro wrestling ring, will serve him excellently.
We learn well after the fact that Logan had a back injury all along, which places the whole match in a different light!
I hope Logan’s back is better, and I hope this doesn’t put him off more homoerotic wrestling. Despite his nickname, he had no opportunities to crush John like a pop can between his massive, sexy thighs, and until I see a lot more of that, I will continue to feel that we’ve yet to see all of what Logan has to offer. He doesn’t look happy post-match, but he promises that he’s going to come back for a sophomore match for NK once he’s fully recovered from his back injury. Score.
For those of you who don’t follow the intrigues of hunky newsboys as much as I do (i.e., all of you), let me introduce you to hot stuff Chris Wragge. I mused on the blond beauty back in his ill-fated year on the national stage as an anchor in the reboot of The Early Show on CBS. It took just a year for Wragge’s reboot to get the boot, sending the tall, tanned stud back to the minor leagues (albeit, the much coveted NYC market). Although he’s not been nearly so prominent on the national news scene since, Chris has remained in my Twitterfeed. And based on the increasing frequency of beefcake shots and extensive gym workout coverage in skin-tight leotards showing off his gargantuan, thick thighs and gasp-worthy ass), I’m thinking Wragge still has his eyes on the fad (I like to think of it as an enduring fashion) in national news outlets to feature Hollywood leading men-looking hunks with hot bodies. Not to be upstaged by Chris Cuomo’s videoed workouts for Men’s Fitness or Gio Benitez popping the seems of his suit coats with his gargantuan biceps, Chris is keeping his hot bod toned and ready for the next call up. Staying entirely competitive in that race for a spot back in the major leagues, Chris is pounding out his sweet, juicy muscles with an impressive focus and steady stream of teases online. He’s not as lean as Chris Cuomo. He’s not as stacked as Gio Benitez. He’s not anything like the hot, hairy, smolderingly sexy Matt Gutman. But he’s sporting entirely clawable pecs. I’m still not sure that the nation is ready to trust a tanned, bleached-teeth muscle boy who is (and this is the key question) blond. We seem to like our news chicks blond, but our lustworthy newsboys? He’s either just out of synch or avant grade. I think a snap suplex on muscleboy extraordinaire Gio Benitez could convince me he’s got what it takes, though. What do you think?
A former college football stud, 6’3″, 40 y/o Wragge still sports the pecs of a legitimate athlete.Chris indulges frequently in posting pics of himself soaked in sweat and working out, so we know he’s a fan pleaser.There’s no other possible explanation for why a straight man would wear this muscle-sucking workout leotards. His thighs are huge, his ass is stunning, and he wants you to know it!Did I mention the pretty boy wants you to see him sweat?Muscles flexing, the big studly blond wants his crack on the muscle stage of national newsboys.
Regular readers know that my infatuation with Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) and his bulge know no bounds. I’ve long muttered that I wish I knew how to quit him, because he’s a horribly cruel tease. But the moment I see that there’s a new Mr. Joshua release, I salivate uncontrollably and start obsessing all over again. So I was thus already entirely physiologically aroused when I sat down to slurp up Tag Team Torture 18: 2 on 1.
Team B&B: Braden Charron and Brad Barnes
The “2” are similarly slurp-able Braden Charron and Brad Barnes. Braden has recently emerged from jobberhood as an increasingly dangerous ring veteran. He’s still full of attitude, but these days he actually has a lot more than just looking pretty to back it up. Brad seems appreciative as hell to learn at the feet of seasoned Braden, as the two quickly and effectively establish their characters as muscle master and obedient apprentice.
Team B&B cannot believe their luck when Mr. Joshua announces he’ll take them both on singlehandedly.
When Joshua shows up dressed in badboy black and announcing his tag team partner has stood him up, B&B can’t quite believe that Mr. J has decided to take them both on singlehandedly. Joshua doesn’t seemed concerned about his odds. Atypically, he’s checked out the competitions’ resumes and seen them both repeatedly manhandled. He doesn’t seem to have noticed Braden’s more recent graduation to the ranks of the serious competitors, though. Too much Mr. J arrogance? Or does he know something about the B&B boys that evens the score?
Mr. Joshua goes where so many muscle bashers have gone before.
Mr. Joshua joins the long line of BG East badboys who have sunk their claws deep into Brad Barnes and made all of his mouthwatering muscles melt in agony. He OWNS musclestud Brad beautifully! Perhaps J’s strategy is simply to pick the muscle jobber clean and never allow badass Braden a moment to intervene. If he can manage that, I totally believe the odds have tilted in his favor.
Mr. Joshua taunts Braden who watches helplessly from the ring apron as his muscleboy partner is humiliated.
Soaring on top, Mr. Joshua gets cocky (I know, that’s redundant). He taunts Braden who, as a competitive face, has to watch helplessly from the ring apron as his muscleboy partner is completely humiliated. J flaunts his domination of crumbling Brad, pointing out to worrying Braden exactly where team B&B’s achilles heel lies (somewhere between Brad’s ears). J provokes and preens the fresh muscle master, riling him up and daring Braden to take a dip on the dark side and fuck the rules.
Muscledaddy Braden steps in to school his boy’s bully.
You knew it. I knew it. Mr. Joshua’s overconfidence would come back to bite him in his gorgeously muscled ass (sign me up for that job!). Brad tags in his muscle master partner. Braden demonstrates to J that he’s no longer the infinitely crushable muscle jobber he was in days gone by. He out hustles and outmuscles Joshua with total command, seriously stroking my homoerotic kink by revisiting upon J revenge torture for pretty much each and every humiliating maneuver that Joshua had subjected Brad to. How dare you hurt my partner, the subtext screams. Now I’m going to teach you a lesson for making my baby boy cry!
Braden’s abdominal stretch makes Mr. Joshua teeter on the edge of a humiliating defeat.
Brad grows visibly excited on the ring apron watching his muscle master take control and defend his honor. Taking in the sight of his muscle daddy beating up his bully, the muscleboy literally bounces on the balls of his feet, pleading to get tagged in to savor the moment of making cocky Mr. J submit. Braden’s got J trussed up gorgeously in an abdominal stretch, millimeters away from wringing Joshua dry. He shakes his head, clearly pissed that earnest Brad is pleading to give up a sure thing in order to wrench revenge out of his bully’s battered body. Braden is an indulgent muscle daddy, however. Against his better judgment, he tags Brad in.
Earnest Brad struggles to pick up where Braden left off.
Brad quickly, just a little awkwardly wraps Mr. Joshua’s aching body back up into an abdominal stretch. But his center of gravity is too far forward. He doesn’t quite stretch Mr. J out to the limit. Braden tries to coach him into position from the corner, but Joshua is obviously catching his breath in Brad’s clumsy control. Brad struggles to nail the submission hold down when abruptly J flexes those stunning abs, twisting forward, pulling the jobber off balance and flipping him over, slamming him to his back. Brad’s blown it!
Mr. Joshua grabs control of this situation with both hands.
If Mr. Joshua was cocky before, if he was taunting and shaming-by-association Braden before, he’s out of control now. Brad is putty in J’s hands. Joshua scolds Braden for letting his muscleboy suck him into such a rookie mistake.
Mr. Joshua defies the rule-abiders from allowing muscle daddy back into the ring.
As long as everyone is playing by the rules, with Mr. J staying on message by neutralizing Braden by monopolizing Brad, he’s got this all wrapped up. But this is Mr. Joshua, and self-restraint is not his strong suit. He both provokes Braden a step too far and completely unnecessarily cheats in his possession of withering Brad. Faces B&B hear the dinner bell ring when Joshua signals that the rules are out the window.
So you don’t want to play by the rules, Mr. Joshua!?
Here’s where the most epic promise of this match is realized. Mr. Joshua is absolutely brutalized in a muscle bashing double team. The visuals here are simply stunning. Joshua is completely overwhelmed under two mountains of muscles bearing down on him. B&B toss him back and forth, both muscle daddy and his boy staying perfectly fresh even as Joshua is wearing down to pieces.
Braden hoists the screaming muscle heel high and tight.
Mr. Joshua is nothing but B&B’s plaything as they trade him back and forth in bear hugs. Mr. J’s legendarily dangerous muscle physique clad in badboy black suffers with the majesty of a mighty predator-turned-hunted.
Braden feeds his muscleboy with a morsel of crushing his bully.
When B&B turn Mr. Joshua into deli meat in the middle of their muscleboy sandwich, I’m thinking that this has become a game changer in Mr. J’s career arc. Mr. J has suffered before. He’s been crushed by some of the best. But squeezed like jelly between two of the prettiest wrestlers to have jobbed for BG East, Joshua’s humiliation has never been more poignant.
Delicious muscle sandwich!
The crushing of Mr. Joshua is complete. B&B are delighted with themselves as they soak in the sight of the notorious badboy turned into their bitch. Brad, in particular, is intoxicated, bouncing for joy and luxuriating in flexing over the once mighty king of the ring. The Best Bulge winner two years running is an impotent puddle on the mat, not just outmuscled, but outmuscled by a pair of pretty boy jobbers-no-more. I’m smelling fresh meat, and if I know the ranks of ambitious young BG East wrestlers (and I do), I’m certain I’m not the only one. Mr. J’s hot ass and massive, pendulous, legendary package have got a pair of bullseyes painted on them.
Dive in, boys! Mr. Joshua’s broken body (and ego) is open for business!
I often wonder if Friday Fashion voting is mostly about the wrestlers or the fashions. So last week’s polls pitting the same wrestlers against one another in multiple fashions seemed like it might possibly uncover non-fashion related biases (for example, if everyone voted a party line ballot for every gear choice). My faith in democracy is restored now that I see each of the vote counts was different. There was a decisive victor overall, but neither muscle hunk won all the battles. Here’s the tally by the numbers. Between Chace Lachance and Mutant, you decisively declared (101 – 22) that Chace wore the black leather trunks best. Whether his choice to leave the top unzipped biased your votes, we’ll never know, but I would hardly classify that pandering as out of bounds for this blog. Nicely worn, Chace!
The stars and stripes trunk vote was much closer (65 – 45), but once again it was hairy hottie Chace earning the most votes and making readers line up behind that gorgeous body.
The red thong vote took me just a little by surprise, because I honestly thought Mutant packed that pouch much more solidly, but the majority stuck with Chace in a commanding victory (77 – 33). I see what you’re talking about, mind you. Chace is a vision.
However, when it came to that daring black and blue lace up leotard, Mutant pulled out the respectable victory (59 – 44). Personally, I’d argue that no one actually looks “good” in this gear and that we should never, ever see the sight of it on a homoerotic wrestler ever again. But for as long as we did in Oil Hunks 3, it was smooth and sexy Mutant’s massive bulges that made that fashion-don’t as good as it could get.
Mutant’s victory was short-lived as Chace promptly spanked those muscled glutes of his when it came to the cheetah-print thong (75-30). I honestly thought Mutant’s magnificent ass was going to make this particular poll much closer, but I suspect Chace’s cocky attitude helps make this very little slice of a whole lot of heaven all about him.
I wasn’t surprised a bit that Chace overwhelmingly won approval (79-20) for his wearing of the tarzan tie-strap thong, because everything about this works in his favor. The fact that he was the one who mentioned that this look makes him feel like Tarzan only helps to sell just how completely he owns the look. As one commenter put it, “Chace can bring his Tarzan act to my treehouse anytime!”
So we didn’t even need the full on naked tie-breaker, because Chace commandingly owned the fashion wars with Mutant by taking 5 out of the 6 polls. While Chace doesn’t fair quite so well by the end of Oil Hunks 3 as he does in the fashion arena, no one loses when it comes to these two impeccably sculpted, sizzlingly hot muscle hunks pleasing fans in and outside of the ring.
I had a new Friday Fashion poll to post, but my poll widget appears broken. So you’ll have to express your fashion sense by leaving a comment. Who’s got the hottest fashion sense in homoerotic wrestling these days, do you think?
The news these days is downright shitty. Murder and massacre and war, and the NRA screaming how the answer is more guns. Dumb shits. On the other hand, to help the bitter pill of today’s news go down just a little easier, news producers are serving up some distractingly sexy newsboys. Regular readers know my infatuation with newsboy hunks. I complete the circuitry of my fondest infatuations by persistently picturing the choicest journalistic meat going pec to pec in scorching hot homoerotic wrestling scenarios. But even if you don’t watch televised news and instantly think, “now that stud needs to star in a rip, strip and fuckstakes wrestling match!,” you can’t deny that there’s some pleasing eye candy to numb the horrors of the world of news today. Take, for example, my growing infatuation with insanely hunky young newsboy Gio Benitez over at ABC.
Gio Benitez fuels those massive muscles. Look at that upper arm!
There’s a reason this smolderingly sexy, massively bulging beauty appears in People Magazine’s recent 100 Hottest Bachelor’s countdown. He’s featured regularly for special reports on Good Morning America and that fine bubble butt graces the guest reporter chair on World News with some regularity.
I’ve been offering a bounty for the first photograph made publicly available of gym bunny Gio shirtless, because we’ve seen more than enough shots of his gargantuan pecs barely contained within the fabric of V-neck, skin tight shirts. A couple of months ago, Gio himself posted a group shot of him hanging with a bunch of friends at the park, and (cue the choir of heavenly angels) Gio’s bulging torso is bare. Holy Mary mother of God that body does NOT disappoint! The shoulder, the veiny bulging bicep, the slabs of beef that are his pecs, and look at his six-pack singing like the Sirens! My life will remain woefully incomplete unless I someday see that smoking hot muscle bod crushing some ridiculously lucky hunk in a feet-off-the-floor bearhug. For starters, I nominate the similarly ripped red-headed fitness model posed in perfect symmetry to hunky Gio.
I offered a bounty to the first person to get me a pic of Gio shirtless. Since it was Gio who posted this, he can name anything (anything) he’d like from me.Hell yes look at that body! Get this newsboy in a ring!
Personally, I’ve convinced myself that Gio’s right hand his stretch far enough behind the chick between them for him to slip his fingers down the back of red-head’s shorts and, at the moment this pic is snapped, take a long, juicy squeeze. There’s going to never be enough Gio hotness to soak in, so here are a couple more shots of the only guns that have a snowball’s chance in hell of bringing about world peace.
Potential to be a cocky son of a bitch.Gio contemplates who needs to get squeezed between those gargantuan thighs of his.
So, definitely let’s see Gio and the red-headed scorcher in the ring, and once Gio has made that lucky stud lick his nips in submission, I’ve got more newsboy beefcakes for him to face next.
You’ve seen this classic Chris Cuomo shirtless fishing pic before. It’s worth another look.
I believe the keyword “Chris” remains the one used with most frequency throughout the history of this blog, and major league stud puppy Chris Cuomo gets most of the credit for that. Years ago he posted shirtless fishing shots that revealed to the world just how much Italian meat you can hang off of a 6’3″ body. Since then, Chris left Good Morning America (I’m still bitter), and finally left ABC all together and now anchors his own morning show on CNN. He’s also launched a partnership with Men’s Fitness in order to satisfy my fans’ infatuation with his gorgeous body. For clearly being someone who loves his body and doesn’t mind flexing his muscles for our adoration, there’ve been precious few follow-ups to his early iconic shirtless fishing pics. Recently on summer vacation, however, we’ve been treated to a couple of more.
Look at the muscles! He’s still got it.And flaunts it.
Despite the fish placement, I’d say little bro Cuomo is looking as hot and sexy as ever. I tend to give age and experience an edge in homoerotic wrestling quarters, but I honestly don’t know who I think would win if Chris and Gio threw down. One way or another, Cuomo’s curly hair would definitely be used to drag his fine ass around the ring by the network newbie. Here’s another shot of Chris flexing his big guns subtly in Brazil for the World Cup. Sure, he’s begin all ballsy at the moment roaming the Ukrainian rebel-held territory and chatting up self-appointed “prime ministers,” but I think his work in Brazil (in tight polos) is his best recent work.
Like Chris Cuomo flexing a bicep in a hot, tight blue polo? Thumbs up!
Does Cuomo know why many of us keep track of him and make his name the #1 keyword on our blogs? I can’t say with certainty. His ongoing devotion to his muscle development, however makes me think he understand his asset ledger pretty well. And if this shot of one of his fans crawling up between his legs to gnaw on his bone is any indication (yes, this is an actual shot of Chris), I’d say shirtless fishing and bone sucking innuendo suggest he knows why some of us can still handle following the horrific news of the day.
Some lucky bitch gets to crawl up between his thighs and gnaw on that mouthful of a bone. I’m next.
And speaking of newsboys crotch shots, I wasn’t the only one who popped my cork when ABC sent their other power hitter hunk reporter to be one of the first to experience “the world’s tallest water slide.” Neverland reader Uzzie sent me his caps of the segment in which deliriously handsome Matt Gutman gave us the perspective that all of us would like to experience firsthand, sliding camera between his legs for an up-crotchshot of him screaming and getting soaking wet.
Of course this piece requires seeing Matt Gutman pull his shirt up and show off his hot, lean, hairy torso.
The ideal Matt Gutman piece also requires him to spread his legs wide so he can slide a camera in to give you a picture of what it looks like to be in a Gutman face-to-crotch head scissors.Matt calls this his “Verrukt” face.
So in summary, the news sucks, but it helps if you can just picture yourself sucking a newsboy hunk. I’d stack these three particular fantasy men in order of muscles this way: Gio, Chris, Matt. Since the idea of stacking them is turning me on, let me further say I’d stack them in order of raw sexiness this way: Matt, Gio, Chris. When it comes to wrestling fantasies, the possibilities are endless. What do leading man good looks and rocking hard muscles have to do with news? Nothing. Which, considering the news these days, seems like a genius strategy.
Fashion plays a major role in the dramas of a couple of different new homoerotic wrestling releases. In Muscle Domination Wrestling’s newest season, Chace LaChance and giant rookie Mutant face off, repeatedly changing gear to demonstrate who looks hottest. Even more enticingly for wrestling fashionistas, both of these muscle beasts give solo fashion shows pre-match to whet our appetites, and I for one, am drooling uncontrollably. Almost by definition, Oil Hunks 3 insists on a series of fashion comparisons. Chace and Mutant have clearly formed opinions about who wore each piece of gear best. But here at neverland, it’s a tyranny of the majority of homoerotic wrestling fans who rule. So let’s take a look at both boys strutting their stuff in the same gear during and before their Oil Hunks 3 collision. Noting that you have 6 votes to cast below, you decide, gear by gear, who wore it best.
Chace LaChance rocked very brief black leather trunks, opting to leave the tops unzipped a little to let you follow his treasure trail.Mutant sports the same black leather briefs fully loaded.Chace tugs at the side of the Stars and Stripes full briefs.Mutant opts for a sideways single bicep to highlight the bulge.Chace goes full-on forward, daring you to take your eyes off his hairy muscles barely covered by the red thong.Mutant puckers up and gives his freakishly hot, smooth body some loving, framed so beautifully in the same red thong.The black and blue lace-up leotard was a bold fashion choice, but Chace is all in and bulging beautifully in it.Not to be out-bulged, Mutant wears the same leotard out with the massive beef hanging off his bones.Chace invites your lustful appraisal of him in a cheetah print thong.For your full consideration, Chace also shows off the cheetah print thong from behind.
Mutant stares you down, tugging seductively at the sides of the same cheetah print thong.Not to be outdone, Mutant shows off his astonishing backside in the cheetah print thong as well.
Chace says this tie-strap thong makes him feel like Tarzan.The same tie-on thong makes Mutant feel like flexing.
Finally, when it comes to comparing who wore nothing at all the best, Mutant is a forfeit. He did all of his wardrobe changes off camera, leaving the undisputed and richly deserving title of who wore nothing at all best to the devastatingly sexy, hairy, muscle bound, nude beauty of Chace LaChance!
Sidelineland 