Month: April 2011

Yes, Actually

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A few of you have told me that you don’t agree with me when it comes to my take on the gay panic story in homoerotic wrestling scenarios. Personally, I find it a turn off when a homoerotic wrestling story depends on gay panic to make sense of the combat. When one wrestler finds himself enraged by some overtly erotic moment in the match, causing him to tap into a seemingly desperate wave of vicious brutality, it all feels like so much internalized homophobia.

So when halfway through Thunder’s Arena’s No Holds Barred 7, when Cameron Matthews plants an aggressive, adamant kiss squarely across the lips of Ace Hanson, it’s no wonder that a red flag flew in the back of my mind to watch Ace’s reaction. Ace tosses Cameron all over the place like a rag doll, grabbing his fight gloves to signal that he’s all business now. “You done crossed the line with that one, buddy!” Ace snarls.

The spike in my anxiety that this truly delightful homoerotic wrestling match is turning homophobic slowly evaporates though. I was already fully on board with being turned on by the Ace v Cameron face-off. Both boys are total work horses for Thunder’s Arena, bringing their gorgeous bodies and their respective skill sets in high quality homoerotic wrestling entertainment.

There’s a lot of mutual admiration that happens early on, and I like that. Both boys do a little trash talking, but mixed with some grudging respect. Ace acknowledges that Cameron has been putting on a few pounds of muscle lately. When they initially lock up, Ace can’t help but admit that Cameron is impressively strong.

Thunder’s Arena is becoming the master of the double entendre, and Cameron and Ace are certainly two of the most accomplished practitioners of sexual innuendo out there. When Cameron slaps on a double arm bar, for example, displaying Ace’s beefy physique to perfection, Ace gasps in pain, startled at the decisiveness with which Cameron is dominating him. “Uh!” Ace grunts with a note of panic. “You got that one in pretty deep!”
“Oh, I can go deeper,” Cameron snarls behind him. A little later, when Cameron has Ace uncharacteristically on his back and suffering, Cameron congratulates himself. “Oh man, I love taking big men down.”
Both boys take turns cranking hard on face-to-crotch headscissors, with accompanying trash talk that completely works for me. When inevitably outmuscled, Cameron evens the playing field with some nasty-looking ball claws that I completely buy. The boys hold my attention and tell a very fulfilling story of a muscle-on-muscle battle for domination, with two big egos slapping down extremely attractive sharp wits.
But then there’s that moment when Ace seems to be tapping into his inner Dan White. All my built up excitement from the action thus far begins to waver. Are these guys just another couple of straight boys hating on the very audience that buys this shit in the first place?
Ace flings Cameron’s sweet body all over the place, as Cameron tries to de-escalate the big man’s ferocity. “I didn’t mean it!” Cameron gasps desperately. “You’re not even my type!”

Surprisingly, though, Ace and Cameron never waver from a homoerotic true-line. It appears that the line that Cameron has crossed hasn’t tripped Ace’s inner-homophobe so much as Ace’s dominating muscle lust. “You wanna get freaky, huh!?” Ace barks at Cameron. Shoving Cameron’s face in his crotch in a tit-for-tat humiliating head scissor, Ace crows, “Is this what you like so much!? Here, let me show you a little closer.” Cameron taps Ace’s ass frantically in submission, but Ace refuses to let him up. He slides his hips backward, grinding his crotch into Cameron’s as he stretches his sweat-soaked, muscle torso overtop of his smart ass opponent, pinning him helplessly underneath his gorgeous bulk. “Stop squirming Cameron,” he mutters as he swivels his hips slowly. “You’re just like my little sweat towel,” he says almost lovingly as he wipes the sweat from his forehead onto Cameron’s face. Slapping a cheek-to-sweaty-cheek sleeper on, Ace moans passionately, “Come on… come on….”

Cameron groans, “I’m coming…” Ace returns the favor for all that ball torture Cameron treated him to earlier. Some truly gasp-worthy maneuvers include one of Ace’s hand clawing at Cameron’s testicles, the other wrapped around his throat, military pressing him overhead. Some incredibly high impact and all-in power squashing happens here that’s undeniably hot.

But what finally sells me is Ace. As he systematically crushes Cameron, ignoring submission after submission in order to beat his boy relentlessly, Ace starts to take full possession of his opponent. With Cameron trapped flat on his back underneath him, yet again, Ace strokes Cameron’s muscles and squeezes his left bicep, marveling that Cameron is hard and pumped from all his exertions. “Feel a little lower,” Cameron mutters, suggesting that it isn’t just his bicep that’s hard and pumped. The grin on Ace’s face grows bigger as he strokes and massages Cameron in hold after hold. He squeezes Cameron’s pecs and thighs. He comes back over and over to Cameron’s impressively big biceps that so many homoerotic wrestling commentators have been admiring lately.

Yet again, Ace has Cameron pinned on his back underneath him, crotch-to-crotch. Ace presses their torsos together and rests his face, cheek-to-cheek on top of Cameron, their lips a fraction of an inch apart. “Is that what you like?” he snarls down.

Cameron mutters, “Yes, actually.”

Ace groans again, “Just like my towel, look at you all wiped up with my sweat. Now you’ll smell like me. Maybe girls will talk to you.”

Without skipping at beat, Cameron groans, “Girls have cooties.”

So, this is quintessentially Thunder’s Arena. Cameron and Ace (mostly Cameron) have extremely entertainingly sharp wits, giving high powered moves and blows a playful, fun-n-games feel about them. But I offer an unqualified recommendation for No Holds Barred 7 mostly because, in a Thunder’s way, this is awesomely erotic. Neither of these gorgeous hunks flinch from the homoerotic sexual innuendo. While Ace appears to grow particularly concerned about Cameron’s indulgent, full-faced kiss, it seems to be only an invitation for Ace to up his game and take more and more delight in exploring and owning Cameron’s hot, hard body. This match is entirely about you and me, with a story told with a lot of humor, a lot of innuendo, a lot of hard, amazing muscle wrestling, and, perhaps surprisingly, a whole lot of respect for their audience.

These are a few of my favorite things…

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Naked Kombat has served up a heapin’ helpin’ of hotness this week. The line up is delicious. Former tag team partners and always arousing Trent Diesel (yes, my #1 favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy) and DJ are now on opposing teams. DJ is paired up with former nemesis Leo Forte. Trent is tagging with Seth Green look-a-like, Sebastian Keyes. So let’s tally this up so far: Trent, DJ, tag-team homoerotic wrestling. Three of my favorite things!

But wait, there’s more! I’ve been nursing a live-audience lust for a long time now, and yet again, NK is serving up what I’m hot for. The cheering and jeering from the enthusiastic audience absolutely ups the eroticism. The horny boys in the seats are gasping and crying out for more as the wrestlers get nastier, meaner, and more erotic. Fantastically hot!

Trent is a vision as always, though now sporting a new tat on his thigh. When he’s introduced at the beginning of the match, he pumps his fist over head to the roar of the crowd. Damn. That body. Damn.

Sebastian and Leo are also-rans for my attention in this line up, so skipping over to DJ, I’ll just say that he continues to not just earn my respect, but he grabs me by the testicles and squeezes until I scream my passionate adoration. I realize that DJ is too skinny for some tastes. He’s hot as hell for my tastes, and his movement on the mats is pure gold.

The action seems to always be more intense and fast-paced when there’s an audience, which can’t be bad. A few highlights that make me push the pause-and-rewind include DJ mounted on top of Trent and licking my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy’s face; Trent immediately flipping DJ to his back and returning the favor, slathering all over DJ’s cringing face (as the audience screams with unanimous pleasure); and every single fantastic double-team that NK allows for a few seconds following each tag-in.

When I saw the line-up for this tag bout, I have to admit, I was 95% certain that Trent and Sebastian were going to find themselves asses up and getting fucked hard by the notoriously dominating scrappers, DJ and Leo. In particular, I thought Sebastian was going to be the weakest link, and that not even the stunning physique and blinding beauty of Trent would be sufficient to make up the difference. I love being surprised.

Sebastian is a hell cat. The tag setting seems to bring out some awesome ferocity in him. Perhaps it’s the audience, loving every moment that the pale, pubescent looking boy, conspicuously the only one without visibly ripped abs, slams his cock down on top of his opponent’s face and roars with primal ecstasy. When the boys in blue end round three with three more points than the bad boys in red, I’m totally stoked for some more Trent on DJ humiliation.

The sex round this time around speaks to more than it often does. Again, I say, it’s the audience. Trent and Sebastian dominate not just for the cameras, but for the immediate and responsive feedback of the audience. Trent makes a bee-line to claim DJ as his personal trophy. Both victors drag the losers on their knees to the edge of the mat to give the audience an up close angle on force-feeding DJ and Leo their cocks. Sebastian turns Leo’s ass to the audience, with the loser’s lips still wrapped around his cock, to spread Leo’s cheeks wide for the audience’s inspection. When the audience demands it, Trent and Sebastian are happy to oblige them in shoving DJ and Leo’s faces together, forcing them to kiss on command. Once again, on command, with the loser’s faces shoved up the winner’s asses, Sebastian grabs Trent’s face as they kiss to the roar of the crowd, Sebastian pumping his fist. Yet again, when the crowd roars it’s desire, Trent and Sebastian saddle up and ride the losers around for a pony ride. The reaction of the crowd to Trent finally erupting all over DJ makes an incredibly hot, intimate moment that much more amazingly erotic.

This match does more for my wrestling kink than a typical NK bout does, frankly. It’s not only hot and hard, it’s thrilling and thoroughly entertaining. The sweet peck on the lips from Leo as the camera fades to black is fantastically sweet. Trent remains in solid possession of the title holder as my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, and NK has finally chalked up an audience match free of injuries. I hope that means there will be more to come!

Dude, Where’s My Car?!

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As the scene materializes, we see a canary yellow tripped out sport sedan, driving into the driveway of BGE headquarters. It’s Kieran Dunne. He’s late for his match. He doesn’t really care.

Kieran is a babyface that’s always a delight to see pounded. Ever since he got the Mr. Joshua welcome to BG East in Mat Hunks 1, the juxtaposition of his adolescent-looking face with a muscleman physique has just screamed out for beating after beating. He’s developed an attitude over the years inversely proportional to his muscle tone, and every so often, the attitude is just enough to put Kieran over the top., However, I, for one, am always ready to lap up more Kieran-as-jobber.

But what’s this? Keiran’s opponent for Jobberpaloozer 11 is go-go boy rookie, Chace LaChance. Chace has been stinkin’ up the place since his recent arrival at BG East. First, he was the albatross around my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division, Lon Dumont, when Chace debuted as Lon’s tag team partner in Tag Team Torture 12. This is just me talking, now. Lon never said a bad word about Chace when I interviewed him a couple of months ago. But I just have to think that their nasty humiliation at the hands of Donnie Drake and Doug Rand came as a result of Chace’s rookie flat-footedness. I’ve been nursing an infatuation with the idea of Lon punishing the pretty-pretty boy mercilessly, to teach him a lesson for putting the first check in Lon’s loss column.

Even 2-on-1, Kieran couldn’t manage a victory against a double-teamed Donnie Drake in Tag Team Torture 13. So Kieran versus Chace is a quandry, particularly in a collection entitled Jobberpalooza. Two jobbers go head-to-head, the veteran jobber who never learns, and the green rookie jobber who’s almost too pretty to stand. This is an existential crisis in the making for me.

Turns out, Kieran brings the same narcissistic over-confidence he always does to the table. Chace, however, brings something entirely new. In addition to sporting a tanned, toned body ripped out of a go-go boy cage at smoky dance club, Chace also has some heretofore unseen moves. Who knew!?

After initially digging himself out of the hole that he finds himself in from Kieran’s dirty tricks, Chace proves decisively who the “jobber” is in this battle of the jobbers. A couple of favorite moments here include the impressive feat of Chace delightfully scissoring Keiran’s melon between his skinny legs, sliding his butt backward into the corner, and then pressing himself up, rope by rope, dragging Kieran’s carcass up with him. The image of Chace perched like that in the very same corner that Lon punished Eddie Rey with a suspended bodyscissor tweaks that fantasy of mine in a bad, bad way.

After a surprisingly nice heel-in-training clinic that Chace lays on Kieran (the yanking Keiran round by his hair and using him as a punching bag in the corner are particularly fun), my second favorite of Chace’s moves comes after all is said and done. After sleepering Keiran out for a ten count (and then some), Chace puts on his warm up gear and heads out of BG East having proven he’s no one-trick jobber-pony. He heads to his hatchback under the carport, but then stops and looks over his shoulder at Kieran’s canary yellow pride and joy. With a devilish smile across his ridiculously pretty face, Chace slides into the front seat and crows, “My car, now!” He drives off revving the engine indulgently.

All this to say that if Lon and Chace do ever meet, I still say Lon’s destined to punish the pretty one mercilessly. But happily, it might turn out to be more of a competition than I would’ve thought before I saw Jobberpalooza 11.

Tats Named

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Topher worked his ass off to track down the answers to this week’s episode of Name that Tat. If he wasn’t such a smart ass, he’d definitely be teacher’s pet. Oh, what the hell. He’s both a smart ass and teacher’s pet. Nicely done, Topher! Let’s review the research that Topher had to do to pull together 5 correct answers.
Tat #1 indeed belongs to…
… co-reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Brook Stetson.
Here, Brook’s about to plant his fantastic ass down onto the face of Skrapper in BG East’s Catch Weight 2. The fact that Skrapper didn’t pee his blue trunks the moment he faced-off with this beast makes me seriously respect the skrappy one.

Holy hell, what a catch weight match! Brook’s choice to completely unnecessarily yank on Skrapper’s hair as he squashes him like a bug is just further evidence of why the brute is co-holder of the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month!
Topher had to get a little help from teacher to identify tat #2…
 …which indeed belongs to Can-Am “exclusive” Michael Vineland.
In this pic, Michael is both dominating Landon Mycles and stroking the rookie’s crotch. I made a lot out of Landon’s debut, facing off against Michael in Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 1, earning the blue-eyed smirker his own homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Landon also showed up as a prior answer to Name That Ass. But this time around, I’m admiring Michael, his big, hard muscles, and his sweet ink.

That’s right, Landon. Breathe deep and enjoy the view.

Tat #3 gave Topher his toughest challenge, but it clearly belongs to…
Thunder’s Arena’s Jackson.
Despite Topher not seeming to appreciate my additional clues, I indeed have no interest in living in Jackson, Mississippi (though I might enjoy a vacation camping out in Jackson, the wrestler), or in St. Louis, aka STL. 

You know how there are some intuitive responses we have to wrestlers that we don’t really know where they come from? That’s my take on Jackson.  I was completely fixated on him when he debuted against STL in Thunder’s Arena’s Mat Wars 22, yet Jackson’s double-team partner in that match, Scooter, left me merely luke warm. As for the fratboy with Topher’s “lord and master Jesus inked on his side,” however, I’m a fan.
Tat #4 appears to have posed Topher little challenge.
It belongs to BG East’s stunningly handsome Angelo Damato.
Here, Angelo is in a position that makes me green with envy: trapped between Joshua Goodman’s (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) thighs in Backyard Brawls 3. Angelo’s ass pressed against Joshua’s crotch is the most inspired pairing since  Ang Lee called up Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger and said, “I’ve got a movie for you boys.” 

Of course, Mr. Joshua squirming like a worm trapped between the vice that is Angelo’s tree trunk thighs is awfully entertaining as well.

And finally, Topher appears to have had no problem identifying tat #5 as belonging to…
Can-Am’s Andrew Lane.
Andrew’s brief tenure wrestling for Can-Am seems to have always paired him off with muscle hunk Lincoln Lode. Here, Andrew pins the dark and handsome one with his crotch, displaying Lincoln’s #1 asset to perfection (except for the trunks) in Hotel Hell: Toronto.

Despite a few moments of gloating glory, Andrew almost always played the jobber (and played it well). The bulging muscles and up-for-anything attitude makes me wish that Andrew was still in the biz, so that he could meet my other favorite red-headed homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma. After Kid K beat Andrew senseless, they’d surely have made sweet, sweet music together as a fire-cracker tag team.
So there you go. Technically, Topher did require a little extra help, and he didn’t explicitly name all of the opponents. But I’m tempted to offer him the prize for a perfect paper, anyway. What do you think? Does he deserve full credit for his standout performance?

Name That Tat

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We’re returning to the subject of tats for this week’s quiz. I love some beautiful ink on a hot, hard body, especially a body engaged in homoerotic wrestling. I realize that not everyone is as motivated by tattoos as I am, which is just further proof that there are different strokes for different folks. I’m sure part of my delight in aesthetically choice ink is that I’m awfully proud of my own tats. So for the aficionado of homoerotic wrestling tats who can be the first to identify the inked homoerotic wrestlers below, along with their opponents in each pic, I’ll be happy to send you a pic of one of my own tats. The deadline for this open-book quiz is tomorrow afternoon. Feel free to post your answers/guesses in the comments below, or drop me an email. In increasing order of difficulty, the tats to name are…
Tat #1:
If you can’t name this tat, welcome to my blog! You must be brand new around here, because this ink is so distinctive and the wrestler has been at the top of my list of homoerotic wrestlers to talk about lately. I’m jealous of the lucky, lucky artist who was given the opportunity to ink this wraparound, multi-colored dragon stretching around this big, stunning hunk’s left thigh, up his ass and hip, and across his lower back. Now that’s commitment that turns me on! And speaking of turning me on, the cocky, sneering grin on his classically handsome face as he crushes still another completely outmatched opponent (this opponent in this pic is way, way, way outmatched) is profoundly arousing. 5’11. 240 pounds. If you have no idea who tat #1 belongs to, I suggest you may want to take a make up quiz after a month of intensive study of contemporary homoerotic wrestlers. Trust me. You’ll thank me.
Tat #2:

I think this ink may be a little tougher to identify for novices, but the match from which it comes has been frequently mentioned on this blog. Look at those thick, veiny pecs! Sweet. Also sweet is the fantastic chemistry between this homoerotic wrestler and his opponent in this match. Every hold is simply a tool for lustful exploration and adoration of their bodies. This big, muscle stud homoerotic wrestler is pictured here in control of his opponent who was both a former “Name That Ass” answer as well as a pervious homoerotic wrestler of the month. I can’t put my finger on his height/weight stats, but he’s big and beautiful.

Returning to the theme of “commitment” exemplified by body art, this portrait of Jesus being crucified, inked across the rib cage of a homoerotic wrestler is full of delightful contradictions and irony. A believer this devout who pops up repeatedly in wrestling matches marketed (let’s face it) primarily to the gay wrestling kinkster just makes me smile. And then there’s the iconic image of abject suffering sketched across the hot body of a rookie who, let’s face it, suffers a whole lot in one humiliating wrestling match after another. Well, to be honest, he’s been in one published product, in sort of a daisy chain of wrestling scenarios, roughly sketched out as two “matches.” In the pay-site, you can just recently also find him getting a wrestling tutorial from another awesomely tatted wrestler who was a former “Name That Tat” answer. And for that matter, the muscle opponent crushing this homoerotic wrestler in the pic above was also a “Name That Tat” answer. The crucifix stud above is 5’8″, 170 pounds, with a frat boy face that turns me on when it’s twisted in agony.

I was introduced to this tatted homoerotic wrestler when I was invited to write copy for the website describing one of his recent releases. It’s his legs that blow my mind and turn me on the most. They’re thick and clearly incredibly strong, and when he scissors his opponents’ bodies between them, I believe every scream of desperate pain that they elicit. He looks like a classic Italian statue, I think. Listed at 5’8″, 178 pounds, in this pic he faces an opponent that I’ve mentioned no fewer than 28 times on this blog (and many, many more to come, I suspect).
Tat #5:
I’ve mentioned before that I sometimes have a craving for freckled, red-headed homoerotic wrestling muscle stud. In those moments, this is one of my go-to homoerotic wrestler boys to scratch my itch. I’ve admired this beefy babyface many, many times, and I have to admit, I somehow never noticed this provocative tat between his shoulder blades until very recently. It looks like a superhero symbol, in which case, this homoerotic wrestler’s moniker should probably be Captain Beat-Me-Senseless. And speaking of superheroes, he’s appeared as superhero “Crush,” and superhero “Blue Wing.” This is intended to be advanced quiz material, so that’s all I’ll give you for this hunk with a peaches-n-cream complexion.
Good luck. You may begin.

Back Again

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It should come as no surprise that I’m a fan of a beautiful ass. Even more than just ass, though, I love a strong ass that’s the foundation for a hard, muscled, expansive back. Huge wide shoulders, lats draped like living room curtains, corded lower back outlining the spine, and a narrow waist make sense out of a strong ass.
The art of the male body from behind attracts me not just because it arouses (though it does). Certainly, seeing a gorgeous back pointing like an arrow to a deeply creviced ass crack inevitably brings to mind the opening sequence between Stuart and Nathan in the BBC Queer as Folk. But it’s not just about the fuck. Honestly, a beautiful back inspires awe in me. This is just beautiful.

In addition to Stuart and Nathan from Queer as Folk, a strong back also inevitably calls to mind all the back punishment delights that could be unleashed. Less toned backs would fold and wither far too fast, but a thickly muscled back inspires images of hours of endured homoerotic assault.

Vulnerability. Power. Grace. Strength.

Simply beautiful.

Six Degrees of Separation

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I like to think of myself as versatile. For example, I’m deeply aroused by grunting, sweaty carnal aggression building to domination and humiliation (particularly in the wresting ring). At the same time, it’s also absolutely true that passionate tenderness exchanged between two men is also a fantastic turn-on for me. A deep, lingering, all-in kiss does, not infrequently, put me over the top.
BBW v Liam Ryan – BG East’s Squared Circle 3: The Contest
In the spirit of the old children’s game “telephone,” or more contemporarily, “six degrees from Kevin Bacon,” I’ve been having a great deal of fun tracing the tag of homoerotic wrestling kisses. For example, let’s randomly start with this pic of the Brooklyn Bodywrecker mounting little Liam Ryan (the ring rope caught between their crotches makes me swoon). Liam looks understandably entranced with the naked muscle stud heel pausing from his path of destruction to, dare I say lovingly, plant a passionate kiss on him.
Liam Ryan v Iain Scott – BG East’s Britbouts 2
Those same lips of little Liam also enjoyed tasting Scottish hunk Iain Scott, who looks almost chummy in this stolen moment of tenderness, belying the brutal discipline he has in store for his twink opponent.
Iain Scott v Sean Patrick – BG East’s Sexy Showdown 3
It was also hunky Iain’s lips that hungrily paused in his crotch-staining treatment of Sean Patrick to apply a passionate liplock. 
Sean Patrick v Dick the Prick – BG East’s X-Fights 22
Of course, it was Sean Patrick who was known notoriously as “the Kisser,” with his understandably incapacitating go-to maneuver of sucking face, like he did with Dick the Prick, seemingly sucking the fight right out of his opponent, at least momentarily.
Dick the Prick v Jeff Jordan – BG East’s Wrestle Shack 1
Dick the Prick, in turn, enjoyed more than one passionate oral exchange, such as this stunningly gorgeous embrace post-match with the beautiful Jeff Jordan.
Jeff Jordan v Luis Camacho – BG East’s Matmen 15
I find it no surprise at all that Jeff Jordan’s opponents often couldn’t help themselves, with Jeff’s prone, fit, muscle body underneath them and his devastatingly handsome face looking up at them, but to tenderly cradle his head and pull his lips to theirs. Luis Camacho apparently never wrestled, much less paused mid-wrestling to kiss the Brooklyn Bodywrecker, but Luis kissed Jeff Jordan, who kissed Dick the Prick, who kissed Sean Patrick, who kissed Iain Scott, who kissed Liam Ryan, who did, indeed, enjoy kissing the Brooklyn Bodywrecker. Damn, I’d like to get in on that daisy chain…

I’ll Buy That

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Sex sells. At the very least, I’m buying whatever it is that Jared Prudoff is putting out there for consumption, all naked and gorgeous and making me helpless to resist my capitalist masters.

I have no idea what I’d do with a giant, oversized “hand”bag/suitcase. It’s not as if I’d ever use it. It wouldn’t even qualify for carry on luggage for the plane, would it?

Can I buy *that* Homme de Pouvoir handbag, specifically? The one that Jared is rubbing against his cock, that one? Promise me it has a little of Jared juice left over, and I’ll pay double. Have Jared deliver it on my doorstep dressed exactly like this, and I’ll max out my credit cards for it.

My gratitude to Homotrophy for pointing me in the direction of Jared’s Homme de Pouvoir campaign. Some readers may recognize Jared from his starring role in the Secretarial Pool auditions that I was posting this time last year, in which eight stunning male models competed for a seat at the table of my fictional homoerotic wrestling universe executive staff. Jared clawed, squeezed, pumped and stroked his way to victory in my wrestling kinked imagination to come out on top, literally and figuratively, and become the newest golden boy to help rule the world. Jared and his colleagues are back in my homoerotic wrestling fiction sights, with a new storyline for the secretarial pool currently in production. In the mean time, I’m happy to see that Jared and all his naked gorgeousness are riding high in this universe, as well.

Asses Named

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Congratulations to Stay Puft, who posted the best score for this week’s edition of Name That Ass! All of these glutes this week should be on your list of homoerotic wrestlers to watch. I own matches with all of these hot hunks, and they’re all cherished possessions. Now pull out your quizzes and let’s review the answers…
Ass #1 belongs to…
…the Z-Man, Zack Vazquez/Zack Johnathan… whatever you’d like to call him, I get the impression he’ll answer you.
It’s Thunder’s Arena wrestler Sebastian showing off the Z-Man’s moneymaker in a feet-off-the-floor bearhug in Battlespace 10. The Z-Man hasn’t always jobbed, but let’s face it, he’s jobbed more than his fair share. I’m glad to see in his recent debut with BG East that he’s got a little more to offer than just having his ass beat up and down and shown off from every angle. It is, indeed, a nice ass, though.
Ass #2 belongs to…
…BG East muscle god himself, Wade Cutler.
I was just talking about this proportionally perfect muscle god! Those pecs come in a close second place for my favorite Wade Cutler body part, but hands down, it’s that gorgeous ass that’s at the top of my list. Again, I say, Rod Duart in X-Fights 19 was one damn lucky rookie.
Ass #3 belongs to…
…legendary pornboy, Scott Randsome (aka Kurtus Beefcake).
Specifically, here he’s grinding his balls into still another legendary pornboy, Tom Katt for BG Enterprise’s Fantasy Fight 2. Tom has his eye, and hands, on Scott’s ass from the get-go, but the battle to determine who’s ass is getting fucked is far from a given. Fans of full contact muscle on muscle wrestling simply must own this match.

Ass #4 belongs to…
…Steve Shannon.
Steve did just a few matches for Can-Am, including this appearance on the mats and then in the oil (ah, Can-Am), in Czech Tag Team 2. He wrestled alongside of Sonny Markham, another musceboy extraordinaire, and they faced off against the titular Czechs, Jirka Kalvoda and Jarda Kolar. I’m more familiar with Steve’s more competitive work for On Top Wrestling, and his much, much less competitive wrestling for Sharpshooters. Damn, that’s one gorgeous golden blond man.
Finally, ass #5 belongs to…
…BG East bad boy classic, Jose.
You know you’re a bad ass when you only need one name to inspire fear. Here, Jose wrestles in one of the Paradise oil wrestling matches, up against The Lineman. Jose kicked ass all the time. Always. Satisfyingly. And his cock had its own zip code. Look at the sneer on that face, and then scroll back up and enjoy the ass again.
No shame if you didn’t score a perfect 100. It’s just a signal that you need to watch a lot more homoerotic wrestling. Enjoy your studies!

Name That Ass

wrestlebard4 Comments
You know the set up. Based on scant evidence, see if you can identify the homoerotic wrestlers to whom  these fine glutes belong. Never played before? You might want to take some practice quizzes first, just to bone up on wrestling asses. As always, I’ll post the answers tomorrow. The first person to identify all five wrestlers below before the answers are posted, in addition to the opponents in the matches pictured, will not only get bragging rights as teacher’s pet, but I’ll also write you a custom, made-to-order fictional homoerotic wrestling match. Today’s quiz is a theme set, comprised entirely of “classics,” iconic homoerotic wrestlers. This is an open-book quiz, so feel free to consult your notes. Let me know how you do by dropping your answers in the comments below or by sending me an email. Good luck!
Ass #1:
I’ve been hard on this homoerotic wrestling ass… so to speak. However, this wrestler is undeniably prolific, and indisputably gorgeous, and like it or not, he is, at the very least, a fixture, if not an icon, in homoerotic wrestling. 5’10”, 170 pounds, smooth, lickable skin… he’s appropriately very proud of his granite carved abs, which he enjoys dusting off dismissively after squeezing out a submission from his opponent. If it weren’t for that cheesy smirk that creeps across his face far too often, I’d be a bigger fan. But I’m liking his most recent work, and hoping that his quality of wrestling starts to elevate to the quantity of this wrestling. I figure even novices know this ass, but identifying his opponent will be the challenge for intermediate students of homoerotic wrestling asses.
Ass #2:
These gorgeous round cheeks have haunted my dreams. Really, I’ve had dreams starring this classic homoerotic wrestler, and they’ve been fantastically memorable.  He’s listed at 5’6″ and 165 pounds of aesthetically perfect muscle, but his proportions make him look a half foot taller than that, in my opinion. In addition to qualifying in my book as a muscle god, he was also a muscle jobber with a lot of personality. He always sold me convincingly the story of a cocky stud used to getting his way on looks and strength, astonished to discover himself on the bad end of a humiliating beating. He was wrestling an opponent here who was in his debut match (the opponent only tallied three matches in all). What a lucky, lucky boy to be initiated into homoerotic wrestling with this hunk’s cock crushed against your face!

Ass #3:
This homoerotic wrestling ass has provided me what must add up to years of entertainment (counting all the repeat viewings). Iconic as hell, this pornboy always rocked me. I remember seeing his ads in the back of muscle mags as a kid, selling his “workout and lifestyle” videos. At 5’10” and reportedly 202 pounds of big, thick muscle, when he slapped his balls down on top of this particular opponent’s nose, I was in heaven. I own this match. I love this match. Iconic muscle stud v iconic muscle god. Both of them snarling, humiliating, craving the opportunity to fuck the other one senseless. I think you can still find this product from the original distributor, or through a more prominent homoerotic wrestling company selling them these days. You can tell me either name under which he wrestled, and any of the multiple spellings of either name that I can find in print, and still get full credit.
Ass #4:

Iconic? in my mind, absolutely. I had a crush on this blond muscle boy the instant I saw him. I wasted way too much cash with my early introduction to porn-on-demand by watching and re-watching his Triple Play. This pornboy did quite a bit of “bi” porn, which speaks absolutely nothing to me. But his wrestling was hot, if only sometimes competitive. In the match pictured, he was in a tag team bout with another iconic muscle pornboy, facing off against some Eastern European phenoms (go ahead, name them all… show off a little). Most of the pics I can find from this match show someone’s hand squeezing this fine ass, which I totally understand.
Ass #5:
Does this ass look familiar? The gargantuan python stretching the fabric of his viciously wedgied trunks from the front could very well give this away. You’d be forgiven for not remembering the ass, in fact, due to the astonishing sight of this fantastic homoerotic wrestling hunk from the front, once the trunks come off, which they usually did. He’s listed at 5’10” and 174 pounds, but I think more memorable would have been the stats on his stunning cock (I’d guess 9 inches and 3 pounds). He was very productive in homoerotic wrestling, appearing in 17 or so matches. He was a nasty heel with a predilection for clawing at an opponent’s abs like pulling pork off the bone. The shiny sheen on the bodies in this pic should make it simple enough to narrow down the opponent… once you’ve identified the ass in question.
It’s all fun and games, so feel free to post what you come up with. I’m quick with praise and humiliate underperforming students only if that’s what they get off on. Good luck!