wrestlebard3 Comments
Do not let it be said that I don’t follow through on my promises. Okay, well, so I’m sure there are promises that, it could be said that I’ve not followed through on. But I’m happy to point to this latest evidence that I do have the capacity to follow through. It was the middle of December when I posted the Werewolf Rumble in the Producer’s Ring, detailing the fictional three-way homoerotic wrestling match between werewolf heart throbs Joe Manganiello, Russell Tovey, and Taylor Lautner. Almost instantly there were calls from several regular readers registering their desire (to put it diplomatically) for Taylor to appear in a 1-on-1 match. Oh, and yeah, they were also pretty unanimous that Taylor’ hot, tight ass ought to be on the line.
So it took me quite a while, but I’ve just posted what I’ve referred to in the Producer’s Ring group as Taylor’s first big boy match. I’ve mentioned to the chorus pulling for another Taylor match that, curiously I’ll admit, I’m not a huge fan of his. I can clearly see the appeal, of course. He bulked up to a freakish level while still jailbait. A washboard 8-pack, defined pecs, broad shoulders and veiny biceps are typically a formula for capturing my homoerotic wrestling imagination. All that said, there’s just something that doesn’t entirely inspire me. So the concept of me writing a homoerotic wrestling match for him was destined for two things: 1) it was going to take me a long time to complete as my attention wandered over the intervening months, and 2) Taylor’s sweet ass was most certainly going to be in serious jeopardy. A major stumbling block to getting off the dime on this text was deciding what opponent could carry my lustful attention and pose the precise challenge that Mr. Lautner needed to face.
After considering several potential opponents, even having a false start with one of them, I settled upon a return to the Producer’s Ring Focus Group for a man who has never failed to inspire my homoerotic wrestling imagination: Hugh Jackman. The muscle mass he put on for the last X-Men movie was absolutely jaw dropping. He also provides nice contrasts to Taylor when it comes to several angles that I have a particular fondness for… youth versus maturity, smooth versus hairy, small versus big, rookie versus veteran…
As always, my homoerotic wrestling fiction is available to those who sign onto the Producer’s Ring group. There are no fees or costs associated with signing on – just your attestation that you enjoy homoerotic wrestling (and by implication, aren’t a spammer/hater). I don’t want to spoil anything for those who want to sit down with an admittedly long short story detailing how Taylor’s determination to take the entertainment industrial complex by storm ends up putting him pec-to-pec with the likes of big, bad, beautiful Hugh. As with all of the Focus Group matches in the Producer’s Ring, it should come as no surprise that this one features nude wrestling pretty much from start to finish. The stakes are higher in this match than most, however, so those who were pleading to read a fuck-or-get-fucked match starring barely legal Taylor, I’m hoping your lustful desires will be satisfied.

I’ve got an angle that I’m eager to write for the superhero series in the Sidelineland group next, along with the part 2 of the latest chapter in the Wrestle Club series, not to mention another story that’s already sketched out between me and Metellus for the Producer’s Ring Secretarial Pool. No promises on when they’ll get written. But I’m feeling confident in saying that they will get written. Thanks for you patience, inspiration, and feedback, everyone!

Rugged Action – The Homoerotic Wrestling Imagination

wrestlebardLeave a comment

During my visit to BG East this summer, I had an opportunity to get a sneak peak at stills from their upcoming releases. Turns out, one of the new releases will be the next story from the Rugged Action wrestling comic series. Since I’m a fan, this caught my eye. The Boss generously put me in touch with Rugged Action artist Dan, who in turn graciously granted me an interview.

Bard: Thanks so much for being open to answering some questions! I love your Rugged Action series, and I’m fascinated to hear about what inspires you.  So which came first for you: drawing or your interest in wrestling?


Dan: Drawing. It’s the old cliche, I was drawing before I could read or write.  I used to make up stories in picture book form.  My dad thought I was a genius, my mom thought I was nuts.  I basically taught myself, although once I discovered comic books, I tried to copy them.  First it was the Harvey books (Casper, Hot Stuff) but later it was Archie.  I was a huge Archie fanatic.  I wanted to work for them when I grew up so I practiced that style for hours.  Wrote them a letter in my teens, with some samples of my work.  They sent me a polite rejection letter advising me to get an education first, so I went to University to study art, for a while.  It was there that I came out, and soon dropped out.  I discovered Tom of Finland in this period, and I admired the way he drew leather pants and boots, so he was a huge influence on me as well.  Other artists I admired were Jack Cole (Plastic Man), H. G. Peter (Wonder Woman), Will Eisner (Spirit) and more recently Michael Allred (Madman) & Jaime Hernandez (Love & Rockets).

My interest in wrestling came around the same time I discovered Archie, during puberty.  I’m convinced that what makes my strip so likeable to some is that they probably also developed their sexuality while watching pro wrestling on TV and reading Archie comics.  I was around ten when I had my first wrestling experience with a neighbor boy a year older than me.  We were friends and one day he confided in me that he liked to get into fights.  Oh, I said…he went on to say that he REALLY liked to fight.  Hmmmm.  One day he turns to me and says, “Let’s pretend we’re drunk!,” and he got me into a headlock.  I countered, and the wrestling match was on.  I’d been a very shy and somewhat effeminate boy, and there was a thrill to be doing something so “manly.”  We both had huge hard-ons, and we wrestled for what seemed like hours.  I could feel the heat from his crotch, and we must have cum, because later I discovered my underpants caked in something.  I didn’t know I was having sex.  I was so innocent.  I just thought the hard penis meant I was tough! [Laughing].  We wrestled for about 3 years everyday, and the matches would get sooo intense.  We would push it further every time, rougher and rougher.  Soon I found another boy to “fight.”  And those matches were even wilder.  By the time, I reached junior high, however, it was over.  My friends must have been clued in as to what we were “really” doing and told everybody in school.  After that I suffered the usual homophobia.  But nobody ever bashed me though. They thought it would turn me on. [Laughing]
Bard: I had the same experience of having a wrestling buddy as a kid, and it was intensely arousing for me. One day he announced that he didn’t want to wrestle anymore, and I could tell the he knew that it meant something more for me than it did for him. So, tell me about when you started working on the Rugged Action series.
Buff – Rugged Action headliner

Dan: I started working on Rugged Action in ’97.  Wrestling had not been a part of my gay life when I came out, and the only reference to it I found was a brief entry in “The Joy of Gay Sex”.  I didn’t meet anyone in the scene, so I had sex and relationships without it.  Still I was never quite satisfied.  Something was missing.  The 90’s were a great time of discovery.  Interest in Bettie Page and fetish grew in the mainstream media.  I discovered a reprint of Bob Mizer’s “Physique Pictorial” full of Tom of Finland stuff, but also to my surprise and delight, wrestling!  I hadn’t done any artwork since leaving school, and I was on disability for chronic pain when someone suggested I take it up again.  A friend said, “Do something twisted!”  So I thought, how about a gay wrestling fetish Archie comic drawn by Tom of Finland with a punk rock look and attitude!?  And so Biff and Buff were born.

Bard: What a fantastic formula for inspiration! Who’s your favorite character that you draw, and why?
Dan: My favorite character is probably Buff.  He’s the guy I wished I’d been.  He’s a cross between Alan M from Josie and the Pussycats, Billy Idol, the Vegetable from the cult movie “Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!,” and Arch Hall Jr. [Laughing]. I don’t really have a favorite; I’m fickle.  I fall in love with one, draw him until I’m sick of him then move on to someone else.  They are all guys I would have loved to wrestle in real life.
Buck Hunter – Bard’s #1 favorite
Rugged Action star

Bard: Personally, I have to say I have a crush on Buck Hunter. I was pulling for him to really lower the boom on Buff in Rugged Action 3. Any wrestling hunk who seems to enjoy pulling hair that much is tops with me! Do you have any particular favorites when it comes to moves, holds, gear or gimmicks in wrestling?

Dan: [Laughing] Hair pulling is definitely a favourite of mine (when I still had hair to pull).  I especially liked it when my opponent pulled mine first, then watch out!  Poor guy. You’ll see Buck Hunter in a Mud match with Biff.  You’re gonna love that one. When it comes to moves, no holds barred.  Loved bearhugs and scissors of course, but the piece de resistance for me was at the climax, clenched together on the ground, sweaty, exhausted, grunting, punching, biting, rolling back and forth, pounding our crotches together, then whammo! The tense rigid moment as we both shoot our loads.  As for gear, boots are a must.  Black is my fave, but brown, red, blue or white will do.  Actually you’ll see all kinds of gear in the strip from singlets to leather pants.
Bard: Whammo, indeed! Does your art turn you on (obviously, it does me!)? I work out some of my own fantasies in fiction text-based wrestling, and I find it powerfully erotic to pull from my imagination and put it on the page. Is your art similar to that?
Dan: Yeah, in fact Tom of Finland always said that if a drawing didn’t give him a hard-on, it was no good.  I try to maintain that level.  Of course they are my fantasies, but increasingly they are gaining a life of their own. [Laughing]
Bard: What’s the toughest aspect of wrestling to convey in your artwork?

Previews from Rugged Action 4 –
Buff goes muscle-to-muscle with
Britboy Bull Savage
Dan: Wrestling is the hardest thing to draw.  All those limbs entangled and twisting this way and that.  It doesn’t come easy, and I have to struggle to recreate the various holds.  When it works, it’s very satisfying.
Bard: Clearly, there are a lot of us that find your work very satisfying, as well! It seems like you have quite an eye for the massively muscled boys with huge pecs, shoulders, nips and six packs. Is that the body-type that turns you on in live-action wrestling? Any hot lean twinks or big-bellied bear daddies likely to take a shot in pages of Rugged Action?

Preview from Rugged Action 4 –
Bull Savage gives Buff a hard pounding
Dan: Well I just love those pecs, and nipples are for twisting and biting in my book. [Laughing]. The strip exaggerates the physiques that we all imagine we possess while wrestling.  I’ve personally always preferred someone built like me, average (I’ve been skinny, I’ve been buff, now I’m out-of shape [laughing]).  I think it works best for cartoons.  It’s that pneumatic quality that Russ Meyer spoke of in his movies, and is definitely a feature of Tom of Finland as well.  Everything gets inflated including the reader’s dick (I hope).  As for bears, well, wait until you see Hot Stuff Hooligan.
Bard: Excellent! I’ve seen Hot Stuff Hooligan’s profile in the roster from the BG East Arena, and I’m on the record many times over as a rabid fan of a freckled, red-headed bad boy! What’s your working relationship like with Kid Leopard and BG East?
Dan: Working with Kid Leopard and BG East is great.  I discovered them in an ad for various kink vhs order companies in BIZARRE magazine.  I ordered one of their tapes and sent them samples of my work, and KL liked it and got back to me.  He’s very nurturing of talent and my biggest supporter and fan.  I don’t think I could have picked a better company.  Besides their product is the best!
Bard: I have to agree that they’re work is simply the best to be had. Glad to hear that it’s a mutually satisfying working relationship. During my recent visit to BG East, I learned that another chapter of Rugged Action is about to be released. Any hints about future story lines in Rugged Action?
Dan: I am so far ahead in writing and drawing these things that you can expect a long run.  In fact I’ve written 50 stories so far and counting. There are 21 different characters (so far) that will be introduced as well as a couple of non-fictional guest-stars.  Expect the Biff and Buff rivalry to heat up, when Biff also joins BG East.  There will be all kinds of matches (fetish, superhero, tag, nude, battle royale, etc.) It just never ends! [Laughing]
Bard: Fantastic! I think your work is incredibly hot, so I’m looking forward to seeing lots more of the boys. Can’t wait to see Buck Hunter and Biff’s mud match!
Dan: I’m happy you like the strip.  It’s just a hobby for me but it’s very satisfying.  I may be a little too much in poor health to have a wrestling sex life, so it’s a blast to know I can turn guys around the globe on with my drawings.  Thanks so much for you interest.

Bard: Thanks for taking the time to chat with me!

Preview from Rugged Action 4 –
Side headlocks, ball claws, abdominal stretches…
fantastic homoerotic wrestling!

Cutting Off Our Noses

wrestlebardLeave a comment
Today’s post is dedicated to a certain BG East boy who suggested to me that the one thing he doesn’t see enough of in gay wrestling blogs is a strong statement about piracy. I think he’s perfectly correct. There isn’t enough of a thoughtful discussion about piracy, illegal file sharing, and bootlegging of homoerotic wrestling products. My strong statement on the subject: it sucks.
Even before my visit to the BG East compound this summer, I was against efforts to pirate copies of homoerotic wrestling. I get asked A LOT to share my collection with others. Sometimes, guys suggest a swap, which I don’t have a problem with. Exchanging legally purchased products seems entirely fine with me. I don’t do it, mind you. I’m awfully attached to each and every purchase in my lovingly assembled collection of homoerotic wrestling. But for those who want to literally swap or give away their legally purchased products, seems like a legitimate option.
However, file sharing and bootlegging seems a much more insidious and parasitical activity that could ultimately harm us all. I don’t do it, and I’m strongly against it. Getting a glimpse of the BG East archives was astonishing this summer. I’m pretty proud of my 70 or so BG East products in my library, but hot damn, there are hundreds of videos in their published catalogs! A newbie to homoerotic wrestling could feast for a long time on just BG East’s back catalog, not to mention the products of other companies like Can-Am, Rock Hard Wrestling, Naked Kombat, Thunder’s Arena, UCW, etc., etc.  There’s been an incredible quantity of fantastically arousing homoerotic wrestling produced in the past 20+ years, and probably twice that in not-so-fantastically arousing homoerotic wrestling (and wrestling that’s just, at best, homoerotically-inspired). My point is, there’s already a lot to choose from.
However, I for one am a big, big fan of the creative edge of the homoerotic wrestling industry. I love (lovelovelove) the new find. I’m crazy for the next rookie debut. Having seen quite a bit already, I’m especially thrilled when something new comes out that I just haven’t seen before. A new face, a new move, a new story, a new venue… Regular readers know that I can be harsh when I get the impression that anybody (wrestler or production company) is just phoning it in, recycling material or merely going through the motions. What thrills me most is being caught off guard, being surprised or awed by a novel move or a look that isn’t cookie-cutter.  I’m powerfully provoked by what I haven’t seen yet, whether it be the veteran who pulls off something completely new and unexpected, or the rookie phenom who delivers a move or hold that makes me gasp. I love tried and true formulas that never fail to tweak my kink (the muscled babyface conquered and used, the narcissist crushed, the young bucks pushing each other past the limits of fair play in fiercely fought competition, e.g.), but there’s just about nothing sexier than innovative wrestling kink for my tastes.
What bootlegging and filesharing does is threaten the very existence of the ongoing creativity in homoerotic wrestling. Hell, it threatens to undermine anybody who tries to make a living producing new homoerotic wrestling material. For every bootlegged copy and illegal fileshare, there’s less financial incentive for producers to keep producing. There’s less investment to pay the salaries of the next round of wrestlers.  If we, who enjoy homoerotic wrestling, cheat the industry out of their intellectual property rights, then we’re taking a piss on the very people who so wonderfully feed our wrestling kink. The more we, who consume homoerotic wrestling, pirate the wrestling that we love, the less likely it will be that the industry will continue to produce, create and innovate. What we’ll be left with, it seems to me, is what we’ve got: a great body of hot homoerotic wrestling archives, but without the promise of anything new, nothing to be ventured, nothing to be gained. If we cheat producers of homoerotic wrestling out of what’s rightfully theirs, sooner or later we’re going to go hunting for something new in homoerotic wrestling inspiration, and find nothing but a blank screen.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

wrestlebardLeave a comment
September has already rolled in, and I’m behind in everything. Most relevant to today’s post, I’m late in crowning a new homoerotic wrestler of the month. Somehow, I feel like I didn’t give Kid Karisma quite the fawning adoration that he deserved during his reign last month. However, if he continues to work that gorgeous muscle-ass of his the way he has been lately, I predict he’ll be one of the very elite wrestlers to repeat as homoerotic wrestler of the month.
August was one bizarre, topsy-turvy, wild month for me.  On the one hand, it seemed to be a month filled with homoerotic wrestling moments, including my pilgrimage to BG East and the profound thrill of meeting all of “the boys,” including Kid Leopard, Kid Vicious, and Jonny Firestorm. On the other hand, tragically, I didn’t actually get the opportunity to watch that much wrestling. So selecting a homoerotic-wrestler-of-the-month from among the newly released titles feels like a bit of a challenge. The upcoming releases for BG East don’t count, because they haven’t technically been released yet.  So the options from which I’m choosing are including just a few of the wrestlers who managed to catch my eye during the distracting month of August include: Jake Jenkins, Austin Cooper, Cliff Johnson and Nick Collins (mini-Jake!)  for their tag team tussle for Rock Hard Wrestling; DJ and Drake Jaden for their appearances in opposing tag teams for Naked Kombat’s August 3rd release; Jobe and Rio Garza for Can-Am’s Rio’s Revenge; and Michael Vineland and Rusty Stevens for the newest volume in Can-Am’s promising Pro Sex Fight series. There very well could be other worthy contenders that aren’t in this list, but this is just about all I’ve taken note of amid my travels last month. And my pick for the new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is…
Rusty Stevens.
I’m not completely convinced that the pro ring is Rusty’s most natural habitat, unfortunately. I think the less spontaneous format of the ring with the increasingly formulaic Pro Sex Fight scenario doesn’t display Rusty’s wrestling skills to their fullest. That’s all I’ve got to complain about though.  The return of Rusty to homoerotic wrestling is such an incredibly welcome second-coming, after the crisis of faith his announced “retirement from porn” threw me into last November. Somehow, the homoerotic wrestling universe seems to make more sense with Rusty back in game.

My selection of Rusty to climb atop the throne this month is admittedly more than just a little motivated by nostalgia. Rusty was my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy when I started crowning wrestlers-of-the-month. After entertaining me so commandingly, Rusty’s wrestling career peetered out right around the same time that the competition was just heating up for the monthly title. As a result, despite Rusty absolutely owning my erotic affections like nearly no one else, he never got the nod as my homoerotic wrestler of the month. So even if his Pro Sex Fight work hasn’t been as thrilling as prior matches, it’s still entirely sufficient to kick the contenders in the crotch and leave him all on his own atop the heap.

Rusty’s match with STUNNING bodybeautiful Kevin Crowes was delightful, and I’m keeping my eye out for more from gorgeous Kevin. In August, Can-AmMax began releasing Pro Sex Fight 5, in which Rusty faces off with Can-Am’s reigning ring champion, huge and gorgeous Michael Vineland.  While Can-Am hasn’t release pics from PSF 5, that’s the performance that I’m crediting with earning Rusty his reigning title. 

Rusty isn’t quite as thickly muscled as we’ve seen him before, but he’s every inch a sexy, sweaty muscle god! And while I’ve picked on his ring wrestling, his mouth remains his most devastating and, frankly, his sexiest weapon.  His suffering is poignant. As Michael dominates, Rusty sputters and chokes in agony, selling the abuse wholeheartedly. But there’s nothing quite as sweet in my book as Rusty in control, physically dominating as well as psychologically overpowering. It’s those moments, in particular, that work like a push button, arousing me quicker than just about anything else can. When Rusty works Michael in the ropes, snarling and spitting and humiliating him in word and deed, he brings back to homoerotic wrestling a powerfully kinked quality that’s just been missing without him.

Welcome back, Rusty! You’ve been missed!

The Casting Couch

wrestlebard1 Comment
Spanish language soap star William Levy –
too pretty to strip?
My first introduction to Spanish language soap heart throb William Levy came from Bruno’s excellent guest contribution to the neverland summer series, “Diverse Tastes.” Bruno recommended that pretty boy William was a most excellent candidate to make an appearance in the fictional homoerotic wrestling universe, Producer’s Ring, putting those luscious pecs and washboard abs on the line as he battles for fame and glory in no-holds-barred wrestling action on the backlots of an apocalyptic entertainment industrial complex.

D-Listed reports that in real life, Levy was considered for a part in a movie about male strippers, for which he most certainly appears entirely qualified. However, he has apparently turned down the opportunity, forgoing this opportunity at a major league introduction to non-Spanish speaking audiences. D-Listed has delivered a withering assessment of Levy’s decision and prospects, but let’s face it, D-Listed excels at delivering withering assessments.

Pablo Martin is Bruno’s choice for a hunk to bring William Levy to heel.

The good news is that the male stripper buddy flick appears to be on track to bring the likes of Matt Bomer, Channing Tatum, and frequent subjects of my wrestling fantasies and posts on this blog, Matthew McConaughey, Alex Pettyfer and…. wait for it…. the man currently sitting atop the pantheon of muscle gods in my fantasies, Joe Manganiello!

Joe Manganiello limbers up in preparation to tackle the stripper pole.

In addition to earning William the scorn of D-Listed for coming across as a too good for a male strip flick, this career move almost certainly fuels fodder for fulfilling Bruno’s recommendation that William needs to show up and get his gorgeous ass beaten six ways to Sunday in the Producer’s Ring (perhaps one way to Sunday for each aforementioned hunk in the stripper flick in addition to Bruno’s pick, Pablo Martin). I think we’ve got the making of a muscle jobber who thinks good looks and talent are all it should take to climb on top in the highly competitive world of top ranked entertainment. Happily, such goody-two-shoes never learn!

Hunks are lining up in my imagination to meet
William Levy in the wrestling ring.

Naked Inspiration

wrestlebard2 Comments
With so much personal news to share lately, I’ve neglected reflecting on much of the notable eye candy floating in the atmosphere this summer. I thought we’d hit the jackpot in True Blood’s episode 4 of the current season, when both Joe Manganiello and Alexander Skarsgård appeared in modestly videographed nudity.
Joe’s striptease alone required a change of underwear! And speaking of underwear, notice that Alcide doesn’t wear any? Of course you did. Sweet Jesus, this man, in this moment of physical fitness, is perfection. The ever so brief hint of pubic hair as he tugged down his jeans was such a delicious morsel of eroticism for a man already dripping with over the top sexuality.
Joe’s torso shot in the next scene of episode 4 was ripped from the cover of a fitness magazine. How can a thousand homoerotic fantasies fail to be launched at the sight of this 6’5″ specimen of divinity? As is my way, this is the body that appeared first in my homoerotic wrestling imagination in the Werewolf Rumble, facing-off in a 3-way pro wrestling dog fight against Russell Tovey and Taylor Lautner. Taylor ended up screaming a submission with his crotch crushed against a ringpost, and Russell ended up being hoisted over Joe’s shoulder and carried back into the locker room for a victory fuck. That’s what I call a win-win-win scenario!
The briefest glimpse of Joe’s muscled butt crack as Alexander Skarsgård crawls out of the water bending over in front of him made my heart skip a beat. I feared that this season of True Blood may have peaked early in it’s inevitable cresting of homoeroticism.
However, I was wrong. Am I the only one who watches the parental warnings at the beginning of each episode with baited breath? Last week’s episode indicated only “Brief Nudity” was to be seen, and typically a nod to titty-shots of the women. But out of nowhere, two-thirds of the way through the episode, Alcide creeps into his bedroom and quietly peels out of his clothes, trying not to wake his girlfriend. There’s just enough light on the darkened set to make Joe’s expansive upper back and gorgeously round glutes appear in stark relief against the shadowy background. Brightening the pic just a bit (as I’ve done with these pics) probably impinges a bit on the drama, but there’s nothing more compelling than Joe Manganiello’s naked ass!

Holy shit. I’ve said it many times before, and I hope to God to feel the need to say it again: True Blood has the hottest cast ever, and Alan Ball’s obvious delight in stripping them naked for us is nothing short of genius. Joe, in particular, is in such a state of physical perfection that I’m astonished to say that he even blurs my memory a bit of the naked ass shots of such notable beauties as Alexander Skarsgård and Ryan Kwanten. In my homoerotic wrestling imagination, Joe’s first foray into the pro wrestling ring didn’t turn out as well as his first. His tag team with Mechad Brooks suffered from some outside interference and a lot of lustful heart-and-soul from Gerard Butler and the standout, explosive performance of Henry Cavill. I’m thinking that Joe may be done with tag team wrestling, but there’s no way in hell that he’s not going to star in another homoerotic wrestling match in my imagination.

Who do you think Joe ought to wrestle next?

Playing God

wrestlebard3 Comments

I’ve been thinking about friends and family on the East Coast and hoping that everyone is surviving the aftermath of Hurricane Irene. AH emailed me this morning from his smart phone to let me know that he’s been without power for 24 hours and amusing himself with the mental game of assembling his ideal wrestler’s body from the component parts of many different wrestlers. In honor of AH and everyone mopping up from that messy bitch, Irene, I decided to quickly put together a post playing AH’s game of ordering up my ideal wrestler’s body a la carte.

Turns out, this is one tough game to play! I set out for myself the task of choosing no more than one body part from any one wrestler. Then I went to scouring my mental and literal library of homoerotic wrestling favorites to decide who to deconstruct in order to reconstruct into the assemblage of an over the top, made to order homoerotic wrestling god. I spun my wheels for quite a while getting a start on this project. There are so many wrestlers who I think of as possessing physical perfection, but many of them don’t necessarily possess the perfect singular body part divorced from the rest. But body part by body part, this is what I came up with:

For some reason, it worked for me to start from the bottom and work my way up my mad scientist construction of the ideal wrestling body. My Frankenstein’s monster of physical wrestling perfection has Troy Baker’s legs. Troy was in the running for nearly every body part, frankly, but it was Troy’s own love his legs that made me single them out for this recipe.  Thick and hard without a whisper of body fat, Troy’s legs were simply perfection, as far as I’m concerned. When he had Nick Archer’s noggin’ trapped between his crushing thighs, Troy looked like he was just about to cum with delight in the overpowering beauty of his dominating power. Though Troy did not literally cum in that moment, I’m certain that I’m not alone when I say that I certainly did, and have repeatedly, in worshipful lust for Troy’s unbelievable legs.

Hanging between my assembled wrestling’s god’s ripped thighs is Brian Maxon’s cock and balls. Between you and me, Brian Maxon’s wrestling usually left me a little uninspired. His cock, however, once unsheathed and getting worshipped by the loser he conquered on the mats, was pretty nearly my impression of phallic perfection. There are most certainly longer wrestling cocks, and a few thicker, but Brian’s cock was a perfectly proportioned monster that demanded to be be worshipped.

Spin my cut-n-paste wrestling god around and you’ll get a sight of the most gorgeous homoerotic wrestling glutes on the planet, which actually belong and fit so beautifully on the body of  Kid Karisma. Quite literally, I’ve put in a pitch for a wrestler spotlight DVD that stars Kid K’s ass, specifically. Somewhere (I can’t put my finger on the text at the moment… I think Joe wrote it), I saw Kid K described as a Tom of Finland drawing come to life. It’s the ass that makes that statement 110% true (see recent posts regarding my mathematical shortcomings).

Allowing our eyes to wander upward from Kid K’s perfect ass, we would find on my assembly of a made-to-order wrestling god the back of Brett Mycles. A thickly muscled back is a thing of wonder. I’ve seen some inspiring pec frottage, but I’m still looking for a scene of a wrestler working out an ecstatic explosion in the deep cravasse between the mountainous bulges of a muscled back like Brett’s. The aesthetics of a narrow, corded lower back beneath an astonishingly wide and contoured lat spread capped off by thick delt and trap muscles is just about the most beautiful thing in the world, I think.

Again, let’s spin my wrestling creation around now to take a look at the front, where he’s sporting Rafe Sanchez’ abdominal muscles. I’ve ranted a bit before (perhaps unfairly) about comments in a discussion group that referred disparagingly to Rafe’s body as “not the best.” I couldn’t disagree more, not in total, and most certainly not when it comes to the marble sculpture that are his abdominals and obliques. Add a cup of water and a squirt of detergent and I swear to you it would require not more than three passes to get your laundry clean on that washboard! The separation between each scale of that armor is superhuman. I’d want no one else’s ripped to shreds core on my wrestling god assemblage.

As our eyes wander upward from Rafe’s rocking abs, we’ll see the luscious pecs of Darius. Choosing whose pecs to add to my homoerotic wrestling god was perhaps the most difficult selection of all. If I hadn’t already cannibalized Troy Baker’s legs, his pecs very well could’ve beat out Darius’. As it is though, it’s Darius’ monster pecs that made the shortlist. Hot. Damn.

Shoulders were another tough call for me, but I decided that my homoerotic wrestling god of my own creation will have Wade Cutler’s delts. The mountainous, angular boulders that were Wade’s shoulders always completely captivated me, and they still do today as I treasure the moments where Wade shows up in my library of homoerotic wrestling. Massive, wide, veiny shoulders are intensely erotic, not to mention damn useful in a fierce wrestling contest. My wrestling god compilation sports the best shoulders I could think of.

Again, arms were difficult to select, owing to the deep field of worthy applicants. I’m giving a nod to rookie beauty, Thiago Diaz, however, because his arms are stunning.  With arms it’s certainly not all about size. Shape, proportion, balance and definition speak to me more when it comes to arms than blunt size. Thiago’s bulging biceps and massively thick forearms are entirely worthy additions to the wrestling god of my creation.

Finally, capping off the physical perfection of my wrestling god creation is the devastatingly handsome face of Brad Rochelle. Brad was in a barnburner of a race against exactly one other gorgeously handsome homoerotic wrestling hunk to lend his face to my creation. It was the cleft chin that just 5 seconds ago made me select Brad’s perfect visage.

Of course, this ideal homoerotic wrestling body I’ve just created requires some extensive smoothing and adjusting to match up size, complexion, and proportion. And I’m already thinking that, while this fits my “Muscle Worshipper” type that I scored highest on in yesterday’s quiz from Manof1000Holds, an equally perfect body would be made of entirely different parts to construct my idea of perfection when it comes to a pretty boy (okay, some of the same parts would certainly apply), or a bad boy.

Excellent exercise, AH! I hope you’re managing to keep yourself entertained as you wait for the power to come back on. So whose parts would comprise your ideal homoerotic wrestler?

Diverse Tastes – Guest Contributor Manof1000Holds at Wrestling Arsenal

wrestlebard3 Comments
As summer begins to wind down, so does neverland’s summer series, “Diverse Tastes.” I won’t say that I’ve saved the best for last, because each and every guest contribution has been fantastic. But I’ve definitely saved the most interactive guest contribution for last. Manof1000Holds at Wrestling Arsenal has been entertaining, informing, and arousing gay wrestling fans for years. He has a delightful knack for deconstructing wrestling action, hold by hold and moment by moment, and examining all the pieces with the humor and insight of a passionate fan of the homoeroticism of wrestling. His archives are the definitive collection of gay wrestling analysis, as far as I’m concerned. So when Manof1000Holds authored this contribution to our summer series, I wasn’t surprised at all that he took the topic in his own unique direction, assembling and interactive quiz that draws from decades of pro wrestling inspiration. So pull out pen and paper, appreciate the wit and wisdom of Manof1000Holds, and perhaps gain a little more insight into your own homoerotic wrestling tastes.
———————
What’s Your Wrestling Personality Type 
by Manof1000Holds at Wrestling Arsenal 

We’ve learned from Bard’s series on Diverse Tastes this summer that there are all kinds of wrestling fans with a wide range of tastes. So what do a fan boy’s preferences and attractions tell us about him as a person? Can we gauge someone’s personality based on the sort of wrestler he prefers? Pro wrestling, after all, is just a reflection of our own fantasies, prejudices, hang-ups, and desires. Each wrestler’s persona is carefully crafted to excite, anger, arouse, attract, or outrage as many viewers as possible, so your response to a specific wrestler is based on your unique internal wiring.

So let’s conclude the “Diverse Tastes” series by seeing what a person’s favorite type of wrestler reveals about their personality. Below is a personality test that delves into your very soul as a wrestling fan, probing into your diverse tastes and darkest desires, to help you learn about what makes you tick.

To take this quiz, number your answer sheet from 1 to 20. Below you will see 20 sets of pictures. For each set, select the wrestler or tag team that appeals to you the most and enter the letter under that photo (A, B, or C) onto your answer sheet. Don’t over-think your choice — go with your gut. Ask yourself: Which wrestler drew my immediate interest? If the wrestlers were in the ring, which one would I focus on or stare at the most? Or ask yourself, if the group suddenly appeared in your living room and offered you one match, who would you choose as your opponent? (Sorry fans of Two-on-One torture — only one selection per group is allowed!)

After you’ve made your 20 selections, click on the Results link below for a customized assessment of your personality. Let’s begin…

…..
…..
…..
Thanks for taking the quiz, now check out the Results.

Bard’s Pilgrim Way – Post Script

wrestlebard7 Comments


/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:”Table Normal”;
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:””;
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:”Times New Roman”;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:”Times New Roman”;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}

My time at the BG East compound will go down as my favorite afternoon playing hooky from work… ever. I enjoyed several hours hanging out with Kid Leopard and the boys who came and went.  In fact, I heard more than I’m allowed to tell you about. I was sworn to secrecy about much of what I heard, and when I promise Kid Leopard, Kid Vicious, and Jonny Firestorm that I won’t talk, damn well better believe my lips are sealed (though it might be worth it to be punished by any/all of them!).
If these guys swore you to secrecy, what would you do?
However, there are a couple of scoops that I was expressly given permission to divulge. One scoop is already out of the bag, really. The next catalog is just about ready to be released. Since there are already some preview pics up in the Arena for two DVDs, this won’t be earth shattering news for many. I did have an opportunity to look at preview photos for all of the matches for the upcoming catalog, and all I can say (under pain of a three-way beating), is that it’s an incredibly hot line up!
One of my perennial favorites Mitch Colby climbs back in the ring,
pitting muscle against muscle in soon-to-be released Florida Fights 3.
Muscle beast Dev Michaels digs deep in his ring debut
against long-haired rookie, lightweight Lucky(!?) Loko – BG East Catch Weight 4.
The second scoop I was expressly given permission to divulge is perhaps more satisfying: we’ve not seen the last of Brad Rochelle! Yes, I was promised that the saga of Brad Rochelle’s “Contract” with BG East has continued to unfold on camera, and we will see what has become of the babyface-turned-heel in due time.  I got no hints as to how things shook out for Brad. No idea if he’s made peace and joined the pantheon of BG East’s undisputed bad boys, or if the Boss managed to give Brad just enough rope to finally hang himself with it. But Brad’s fans can get their hearts a-pumpin’ with the assurance that they’ll see and hear more from the jobber-turned-heel hunk who so many of us have followed with a singular, fanatical passion for the past 18 years!
We haven’t seen the last of Brad!

Bard’s Pilgrim Way – Journey’s End (Final Chapter)

wrestlebard9 Comments

My physical journey to the BG East compound was, as I’ve noted, a metaphysical experience. I was seeing each corner, each venue of quintessentially BG East wrestling through both my physical eyes as well as my mind’s eye, in which my favorite homoerotic wrestlers perpetually strip down, square off, and stroke my wrestling kink so satisfyingly. But even more rewarding than paying homage to the BG East wrestling ring was the opportunity I had to meet “the boys.”

Inspiration hanging in the workspace of some of the back-office BG East boys.
When the Boss told me that “some of the boys” often stop by for lunch in the summer, I didn’t really know who he was referring to. Turns out, the local boys who treat the BG East compound as a second home include some of the most prolific and talented wrestlers that I admire and lust after.

Heel Extraordinaire: Kid Vicious
When Kid Vicious strolled in, I think my jaw dropped (not sure… I was a little numb). I’ve mentioned before on this blog how KV has a knack for serving as my avatar in a wrestling match. He addresses precisely the punishment that his hot opponents simply must experience, as far as I’m concerned. He moves, he touches, he pounds and strokes to a rhythm that my own wrestling kink core is perfectly in sync with. He embodies a lust for domination that is as irrepressible as it is powerfully arousing to watch. And there he stood, grabbing lunch and chatting about the weather.

Kid Vicious looking precisely like Kid Vicious
For some reason, I was surprised that Kid Vicious looked like… well, Kid Vicious! He was fit, tall, and every bit as intensely handsome as he is in trunks and boots (or out of them!) and climbing into the ring. I guess I’d expected that my relationship with the on-camera character of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers would be inherently distorting… that if I just met KV on the street (or sitting down over lunch), I might not even recognize him without some poor jobber’s noggin’ trapped in his headlock or without him delivering his signature brand of humiliation like a nasty face-beating with his impressive cock. But when it came right down to it, I’d have picked him out any crowd. And I was completely star-struck.

Lean and Ripped Jonny Firestorm
When Jonny Firestorm slipped in and grabbed some lunch a few moments later, I was similarly struck. My homoerotic wrestler of month for this past June, Jonny’s attitude and wrestling chops are powerfully entertaining. And again, he looked astonishingly like I’d expect Jonny Firestorm to look! Hot as hell with a thick Boston accent. The one thing about Jonny that took me by surprise, however, was his forearms. Have you ever noticed Jonny’s forearms? Good god, man, they’d make Popeye’s arms look like beanpoles! I had to consciously force myself not to stare, because damn… those arms!…

Big and Beefy and Perfectly Jonny
“So tell us, Bard,” the Boss said in a lull in the conversation over lunch, “which Jonny do you prefer? Big and beefy Jonny, or lean and ripped Jonny?” Everyone chuckled. It’s a topic I’ve seen belabored at length in the BG East yahoo group, with passionate loyalties expressed for different opinions. I pointed out that when I chose Jonny to be homoerotic wrestler of the month a couple of months ago, I’d gone on the record as selecting all of the above as entirely appreciable. My ego inflated a bit as a result of my deft skill in either dodging the question or just flattering Jonny (let’s face it, both, but I’m entirely serious that he’s perfectly Jonny at any size). Then my ego deflated a bit when Jonny indicated that he had no idea that he’d enjoyed a month’s reign as this blog’s homoerotic wrestler of the month.  Then I stared as his forearms in awe some more, and lost track of the conversation for a while.

Kid Leopard, Kid Vicious & Jonny Firestorm pose ringside for me…
best…. day… EVER!
In addition to my brushes with fame meeting Jonny, KV, and the Boss himself, I have to report that it was a thorough delight to meet some of the behind-the-scenes BG East boys. The cameramen, the video techs, the customer service reps… everyone impressed me as not just hospitable (they were that), but every last one of them genuinely seemed to live and breathe wrestling. “They” are “us,” for lack of a better way to put it, and for some reason, this was an epiphany for me. They boys editing tape, burning CD’s, filling orders and dropping off envelopes of wrestling kink gold at the post office are guys who get it. They respect their audience. They enjoy their work. And they’ve all been there, wrestling, watching, critiquing and appreciating the very same things that you and I love to let turn us on. Just like I’d recognize KV and Jonny Firestorm anywhere, I had a strong impression that I recognized in all of the boys of BG East the heart and soul of guys seriously into wrestling.

Wrestling inspiration fills every inch of wall space over the desk of one of the BG East boys
In the end, what I took home with me from my pilgrim’s journey to all things BG East this summer was just that: what makes BG East so authentically BG East isn’t the venues. It’s not even that holy of holies: the BG East wrestling ring. The decades of BG East entertainment that never fails to grab my kink with both hands isn’t about a particular place or device or story. It’s BG East because there are a whole cadre of wrestlers who take pride in producing high quality wrestling for a gay wrestling audience. There’s an authenticity about them from the ground up, and I was moved by the sincerity and humor and generosity of the boys well beyond how exciting it was to see the venues.

The Library of Congress of Homoerotic Wrestling Treasures!
It’s not smoke and mirrors. The boys of BG East aren’t talking out of both sides of their mouths. They aren’t secretly contemptuous of the very audience that they market to, and frankly, I’m not always sure I can say that about all of the homoerotic wrestling productions out there. As impressed as I was by the titillating thrill of seeing “the” gazebo, walking in “the” backyard, standing right next to “the” ring, what impressed me most in my journey this summer was meeting some good natured, hardworking, intensely sincere guys who seriously appreciate wrestling every bit as much as you and I do.