Homoerotic Wrestler of the Year

Hopefully we’ll have an opportunity to vote on the BG East year end Bestie awards soon. In the mean time, I made my own selections of the wrestlers that grabbed me hardest month by month (I skipped a couple months because life just keeps me from it every so often). My homoerotic wrestler of the month title is a difficult call to make most months. I’m turned on by so much of the fine new releases that I enjoy on a regular basis. But of the matches I’ve seen, the HWOTM title gives me a short list of the wrestlers I enjoyed most over the year.

Not that these are necessarily my top picks of the year.  There’s probably some way to do a statistical analysis on the between group versus within group variances (Jose can probably tell us). Some months may present a tighter, higher caliber field than others to choose from, so a “loser” on any given month might have beat the fuck out of a winner in a different month.  But I think my top wrestler in a new release in 2015 is guaranteed to be among the 10 HWOTM I called out this year, even if the runner-up might not be.

Anyhow, statistics and logic problems aside, before I can talk about the 10 HWOTM title holders in 2015, I need to anoint a December title holder.  It’s a day early, but I’m going ahead and calling the competition for which wrestler turned me on hardest in a December new release. The last piece of the puzzle and the reigning HWOTM as we move into the new year is…

 

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…big, bulging, buff, beautiful, blond, babyface, blue-eyed beefcake, Biff Farrell.

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Biff turns thoughtful sizing up the competition.

Frankly, it was a very close call as to whether it was Biff or his opponent, the titular character in The Comeback 2: Joe Mazetti, who turned me on hardest. Joe gets the nostalgia vote, and he sensationally sells the story of a classic heel who can’t, despite his best intentions, turn over the new leaf he so much longs to. Just the thrill of getting to see Joe looking so fucking huge, fit, and fierce is incredibly satisfying, much less getting to see Joe wrestle like he never left the ring in the first place.

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Biff savors the taste of making a man suffer between his thighs.

But Biff narrowly rips the title out of Joe’s hands the moment he drops the heel daddy with a sucker shot to the gut and lords it all over a writhing, wriggling Joe, laughing and sneering with Joe’s nogging crushed like a tin can between Biff’s gargantuan thighs. This is a whole new Biff. This is a hungry, brutal, vicious Biff, with a big, bulging sadistic button sticking out and snarling Joe punching that button with abandon.

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Biff roars to life in The Comeback 2

Biff is such an impressive hunk of man. It’s a joy, and just a little relief, to see his personality come through as 3-D as his bulging, beautiful muscles do. True, the Comeback king puts the buff kid out cold before all is said and done, but it’s that contemptuous, sadistic streak shining through in Biff’s riding time that makes me take a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th look at him as officially graduating from the ranks of the rookies. He plays with and plays off Joe’s larger than life delivery. Gorgeous as fuck, built like a brick house, and now with character complexity and suspense, Biff came on way, way strong to finish 2015.

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Biff Farrell is the total package and my homoerotic wrestler of the month.

So somewhere in the pack of my 2015 HWOTM winners, there must be a homoerotic wrestler of the year (HWOTY).  I know these are my picks, and it’s all about who turned me on month to month, but seriously, I want to know. Who do you think should be neverland’s HWOTY? Just to warm up for the BG East Besties, vote below for the neverland homoerotic wrestler of the year.

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February 2015 – Jonny Firestorm in BG East’s Fan Fantasy 2
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March 2015 – Stefan Ramos in Muscle Domination Wrestling’s Six Pack Bash 7
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April 2015 – Lon Dumont starring in BG East’s Wrestler Spotlight: Lon Dumont
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May 2015 – Marco starring in Thunder’s Arena’s Mat Wars 47
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June 2015 – Marco Carlow starring in BG East’s Undagear 23
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July 2015 – Ty Alexander starring in Jonny Firestorm’s Custom Combat
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August 2015 – Logan Vaughn starring in BG East’s Florida Fights 5
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October 2015 – Kayden Keller starring in BG East’s Ring Releases 2
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November 2015 – Eagle starring Thunder’s Arena’s exclusive Black Friday release of Frey vs. Eagle
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December 2015 – Biff Farrell starring in BG East’s The Comeback 2: Joe Mazetti.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

I’m still catching up on neglected standout wrestling studs who abundantly earned praise for their new releases thus far this year.  I believe it was March when Muscle Domination Wrestling released season 14 and their first collaboration with Steel Muscle God.  Based on that release, I was haunted by a particular hunk who I’m retroactively awarding the title as Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month for March 2015…

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… ripped, rocking rookie Stefan Ramos.

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Even the Steel Muscle God is irresistibly drawn to get his hands on Stefan’s hot bod.

Stefan is one of my more unconventional choices, I realize. By that, I mean that I’m guaranteed to get grief from die hard fans who will bitch and moan at me for making the “wrong” choice. But regular readers know that I march to the beat of my own drummer, and this is an instance in which I’m saying handsome Stefan not only grabbed me by the balls in Six Pack Bash 7, but he left me quite breathless for more of him. Some of the fans who started the hating about 15 seconds ago are the hardcore Steel Muscle God fanatics who are going nuts that I’m passing over SMG for his rookie prey. If you’ve read this blog at all, you know I have a long standing crush on SMG, including a favorite interview I had the chance to publish with the European phenom. But it was the rookie’s hardbodied suffering sell that made me swoon here.

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Classic beauty brutalized.

The crystal cuts in his incredible physique and that ample, sculpted, luscious grab-with-two-hands-and-pound-him ass left me seeing young Stefan in my mind’s eye in intrusive waking and sleeping moments.  There’s something classically perfect about his breathtaking beauty twisted into horrified suffering, the mixture of disbelieving shock and terrified panic.

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SMG serves up a feast of some of the finest cuts of rookie beef I’ve seen in a long time!

He has a look, a presence, and an athleticism that I think could make him a scorching hot commodity on the scene.  He has a fantasy man bod that makes it a sensationally easy sell to believe him as a self-obsessed narcissist. I know, I know, he was supposed to be background wall paper for the SMG show.  But taking a beating from start to finish, I was riveted by the rook, and I am completely infatuated with the severely deep cuts defining his flexed abdominals, and, did I mention that mindblowingly hot ass?  Way to go, rook (aka, March homoerotic wrestler of the month). I’m hoping to see a lot more of you.

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Stefan Ramos – Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month – March 2015

Franchising

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Stefan Ramos sizzles as he strums his deeply creviced abs, seductively stating the obvious: “They’re so hot!”

I like a hot muscleman who knows exactly what he’s packing. Sizzlingly sexy Stefan Ramos doesn’t just appreciate the accomplishment of having chiseled a crazy fit physique.  He doesn’t just congratulate himself on the truly amazing aesthetics of his deeply creviced abs. Strumming his six-pack, unable to tear his eyes away from his own body, the impressive young rookie says what we’re all thinking, though not enough wrestlers quite so explicitly acknowledge. “Great abs,” he mutters, before adding enthusiastically, “They’re so hot!”

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Steel Muscle God looks like he’s wondering, momentarily, if he may have bitten off more than he can chew in tall, ripped, dazzlingly beautiful Stefan.

The real reveal in Muscle Domination Wrestling’s Six Pack Bash 7 new release is not the dizzyingly beautiful specimen of Stefan Ramos.  It’s his opponent, none other than internet muscle worship phenom Steel Muscle God. I’ve been a fan of SMG for a long time. An occasional subscriber to his personal website (where Stefan makes appearances as “Mike”), I’ve followed the construction of his internet presence since he was just a sexy, snarling, indulgently self-adoring muscle man with a crazy hot accent and an occasional appearance on YouTube in a wrestling singlet (and specs!). I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing SMG for the pages of this blog in 2012.  I spilled several quarts of ink musing about the relative merits of SMG and another muscle worship self-promoter, Adam400m, penning a multi-chapter homoerotic wrestling fiction series on the pages of this blog, letting my imagination sort out who would put all of his mouthwatering muscles to work and come out on top and in control. For the record, I always saw SMG putting the competitive English bodybuilder on his knees, banking on SMG’s more passionate enthusiasm for appealing to the wrestling fetish crowd that you an I belong to.

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SMG looks like he’s about to cum with the excitement of breaking muscle jobber Stefan in half.

I floated the idea years ago that a homoerotic wrestling producer ought to invest in a plane ticket and get SMG on this side of the Atlantic (that’s the North American side, for those of you reading from elsewhere on the globe) to exploit his wrestling enthusiasm and mouthwatering muscles to their fullest. He’s made some wrestling work trips across the European Union to take big, hot muscle boys of all shapes and sizes, mostly drawn from other YouTube personalities. I personally have a serious hot spot for his most frequent on camera wrestling companion/opponent affectionally known simply as “Wimpy Boy.” But when MDW announced a few weeks back that they were working with SMG directly, I thought my long-time fantasy was about to be realized. Six Pack Bash 7 isn’t quite everything that I’d hoped for SMG’s debut appearance with a fully mobilized homoerotic wrestling company.  But it is a distinct pleasure.

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SMG grabs hold of the phenomenally sexy muscle glutes of the rookie.

SMG is significantly less impressed with smoking hot Stefan’s abs than Stefan is.  It’s long been SMG’s shtick, finding every other man inadequate in comparison to the Steel Muscle God’s physique. Truth be told, entirely objectively speaking (just kidding), Stefan is arguably a more impressive physical specimen than SMG. He’s taller, leaner, more cut. His legs and, in particular, his ass are fucking world class. Did I mention his ass? Holy fuck.

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Stefan’s amazingly ripped muscles seem to bring out something new and darker in SMG.

The rookie’s dizzying pretty quotient inspires a furious assault to his gut from SMG. Almost 24 minutes and pretty much a squash from start to finish, this match is a lot like SMG’s self-produced matches over the years.  But if you’re familiar with those matches, this is probably good news for you, since you’ve followed his body of work in the past. In many ways, it’s classic SMG, really, with loads of sexy, growling trash talk, self-narrating the action, but even more, narrating his physical superiority. SMG fans dial in to watch him in equal parts for his beauty and his personality, which is a fantastic asset profile for a professional wrestler. In MDW’s Six Pack Bash 7, he delivers what he does best with perhaps a smidge more finesse, seemingly raising his game to live up to high expectations of Muscle Master Kevin back in Boston, or the wider audience of homoerotic wrestling fans this platform will introduce him to.  Or, just maybe, sensationally sexy Stefan is genuinely making SMG feel a little… short… on muscle definition, proportion, skin tone. He doesn’t throw down something entirely novel that would really take SMG fans by surprise, but the marginal upping of SMG’s game makes me wonder about halfway through whether beautiful Stefan’s lovely narrow waist, amazingly muscled ass, and razor sharp cuts may be making the Steel Muscle God feel a little insecure by comparison. Did he bite off a little more than he could chew, debuting with a homoerotic wrestling company side by side with a froth-worthy Adonis like Stefan?

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Stefan’s physique makes SMG bite his lower lip anxiously.

I must admit to being sorely disappointed that SMG’s MDW debut takes place not in MDW-land.  I’m fairly confident that Stefan and the mat room in which they tussle are back in SMG’s backyard in Romania. Rather than integrating SMG into the world of MDW, this appears more of a franchising of MDW, putting Muscle Master Kevin’s imprimatur on a largely pre-existing script and cast from Europe. My fondest fantasy, of course, is seeing SMG climb into a pro wrestling ring and stand face to face with the likes of MMK or Damien Rush, or better yet, give him a week of training with an experienced wrestler like Morgan Cruise or Lon Dumont, or best of all, put him through full-on homoerotic wrestling bootcamp with Kid Leopard, Kid Vicious, and Sailor Rob. Yeah, film that, and I’ll buy two copies. And then line up the likes of Trey Dixon, Kayden Keller, Kid Karisma and Drake Marcos to really enable SMG to live into his fullest potential as a homoerotic wrestling steel muscle god.

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Six Pack Bash 7 gets up close and intimate with the muscle destruction!

What MDW does accomplish with their SMG franchise pilot is notable.  The camera work and video quality is considerably higher than I ever remember seeing from SMG’s past wrestling exploits. Whoever is operating the camera has a sweet eye for it, zooming in to capture the intimacy of Stefan’s throbbing muscles quivering in SMG’s grasp. I personally find stationary cameras (which is what I’m used to from SMG’s body of work, though I admit it’s been quite a while since I sampled him) lacking, but a handheld can be even more distracting if the action isn’t framed skillfully, if the transitions from one perspective to another are too fast or jerky. The quality of Six Pack Bash 7 is high, though, making this definite value added for SMG fans longing to see his wrestling in a more professional light.

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Stefan suffers mightly trapped and impotent, locked between SMG’s amazing thighs.

I’m also delighted to report that gorgeous Stefan sells like motherfucker! As much as I nurse a guilty little infatuation for SMG’s regular punching bag, Wimpy Boy, I fully admit that an SMG squash can feel a little tedious to me. Six Pack Bash 7 does not feel tedious at all, and I give jobber Stefan’s sell at least 75% credit for that. When SMG sucker punches him in the gut, the Adonis doesn’t just double over, he drops to a knee and chokes on the pain, sucking down air, reeling. When various parts of his body are locked up in the vice of SMG’s steel cabled thighs, the rookie jobber’s straining muscles and contorted face, paired perfectly with gasps and grunts and whimpers, are absolutely riveting.  He looks truly stunned to be out muscled and so completely humiliated, which makes this genuinely work.

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Hot stuff Stefan sells and sells!

Well done to MDW for collaborating with a hard, hot fantasy man with a proven track record and an army of devotees.  I have to think this is going to be mutually beneficial to both Muscle Master Kevin and SMG, introducing each other’s fan bases to a new potential outlet. Fans of mat wrestling muscle squashes, saddle up for this ride right away. Those with a little value added kink for hot wrestling hunks with sexy accents, run, do not walk, to download this beauty immediately. But the real winner here, as far as I’m concerned, is a certain breakout star muscleman with the body of a Greek god and the suffering sell of a much, much more experienced muscle jobber. If SMG isn’t ready to sign up for that week of  homoerotic wrestling training with the pantheon of kingmakers that I mentioned earlier (and I wonder if he’d be willing to dip his foot into the vulnerability of honest to god give and take of a multidimensional homoerotic wrestling narrative), can I suggest that a certain silky smooth, deeply creviced, bulging, beautiful muscle jobber with a 27″ waist and stunningly shelved muscle ass would make an absolutely sensational addition to any homoerotic wrestling producer’s stable? Perhaps geography is just too big an obstacle to overcome, but I’ll count it a profound disappointment if I never see Stefan Ramos in a pro ring, dripping with sweat, muscled arms trapped in the ropes and shoulder blocked for days (naked) by an accomplished, sadistic hunk with an arsenal of pro wrestling and submission holds and just plain dirty tricks to make him choke on his own humiliation.smg