Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Name That Cock

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Regular readers will recognize that I’m typically relatively coy when it comes to the photos I post. I mean, if you count a whole lot of naked asses in the category of coy, then that and everything else would  count as coy in contrast to my typical text. In honor of the first warm day this year, and like the Easter Bunny himself coming out to play only infrequently, I’m taking this week’s quiz in a new direction. Based on the scant evidence of the close-up pics below, see if you can name the homoerotic wrestlers to whom these very fine cocks belong. Don’t want to peruse hot cocks? You may be excused from today’s quiz now (before you scroll down any further), but I promise you that we’ll be snickering at you as you walk out the door. The field of full-on naked wrestling is quite a bit narrower than any other “Name That” genre we’ve covered. So I’m suspecting that those of you who like a bit of cock on display in your wrestling fare may have an easier time with this quiz. I don’t know your definition of porn, but as for me, if I see a guy cum on camera, I’ll elevate him to my much admired status as a pornboy. So with that in mind, I believe all of the wrestlers pictured below belong to the most elite ranks of homoerotic wrestling pornboys.
The fine print: Name a wrestler whose cock is pictured, and I’ll praise you glowingly. Name all five wrestlers whose cocks are pictured, and you get a gold star. Name all five wrestlers whose cocks are pictured as well as their opponents in these pics, and, if you’d like, I’ll send you a pic of one of my personal tats, of which I’m very proud (no, my cock has no ink). Use the comments below or drop me an email to let me know how you did. I’ll post the answers tomorrow.  Good luck, and happy hunting!
Cock #1:

Ah, I’m a big, big fan of this cock and the gorgeous, hairy hardbody of which it is a perfectly proportioned piece. I follow this wrestlers tweets with great delight, and if I ever had an opportunity to go on a date with him, we’d sit down over a delicious dinner and discuss Michel Foucault and Jacques Derrida before heading back to his place for an energetic wrestling match culminating in multiple orgasms and messy, though fastidiously safe, sex. He’s been a feature of one quiz already, and I have previously described his “gorgeous tool at full staff” in reference to this very wrestling match. In other words, unless you’re new around here, I think you should know this one without any further hints.

Cock #2:

 This beautiful cock belongs to a wrestler I’ve mentioned only twice before on this blog, but he’s a go-to classic homoerotic wrestling pornboy for my tastes. He was 5’8″ and 170 pounds when he wrestled in 6 entertaining matches, 5 of which featured his trunks around his ankles and his cock taking an enthusiastic pounding, usually from his own hand. In this match, he faced an incredibly aptly named opponent whose own cock was also front and center in the action before all was said and done. With furry, incredibly hot pecs and just a slight self-consciousness that made me feel like I was right there in the room with him making him nervous, he’s got a place almost as high in my affections as his “cousin” who also wrestled, but wasn’t sporting quite the tool that this hunk had. Still, it’s not about how big it is… well, it’s not ONLY about how big it is…

Cock #3:
Speaking of big, this uncut marvel of the modern world should also pose little-to-no problem for regular readers. He’s listed at 5’9″ and 160 pounds, but I suspect with some recent muscle, he’s put on a little more weight than that. I’ve talked about this cock repeatedly, even if this is the first time I’ve posted a pic. He’s also been a feature in a previous “Name That” quiz. He’s wrestled in at least 18 matches, I believe, and despite not being of one of the typical body types I gravitate toward mindlessly, he’s earned his way into more than one “favorite” ranking in the past. With his extensive resume, I suspect the main challenge may be identifying his opponent here, to which I will only offer the clue that I’d buy his opponent a hamburger if I could (even though I’m vegetarian). That not enough for ya? Well this is where the quiz gets tougher, so you get no more from me.
Cock #4:

Okay, this probably belongs earlier in the quiz, because you can see most of this homoerotic wrestler’s opponent’s face, hovering ominously open with his chin resting on the hunk’s testicles. Classic doesn’t quite cover the hardbodied homoerotic wrestler to whom this oiled up cock belongs. Prototypical? Pioneering? I always forget this wrestler had a first name, because like so many iconic entertainers, it really only takes his last name to be clear who we’re talking about (though an entirely correct answer here will require both names!). He reportedly wrestled at 204 pounds of sliced to the joint muscle on his 6’0 frame in around 15 matches (give or take), and was said to also have worked behind he camera as well on many more. I’d tell you more, but this wouldn’t be so much of a quiz, then, would it?

Cock #5:

Simply beautiful. I’ve spilt a lot of virtual ink on this homoerotic wrestler and his cock… and his ass… and his ink… Interestingly, I don’t hear from a lot of others equally as enthusiastic as I am about him, which I find perplexing. Still, considering my oppositional-defiant personality disorder, being on my own in my infatuations is oddly reinforcing. Reportedly 6’0″ and 185 pounds, he was way too much for his opponents to handle in the match pictured here. He’s also a prior “Name That” feature, and he’s a multiple title holder, and the difficulty parameter on this question is supposed to be the highest, so that’s all you’ll get by way of clues from me.

So good luck. Study those cocks long and hard. Take your time. Enjoy the intellectual stimulation of the quiz. And do let me know what you come up with.

Being Human Battle

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All right, Being Human SyFy season one is over, and I’m hooked. Despite fully anticipating disappointment, the remake of BBC awesomeness is different enough to keep me interested.

Ah, who the hell am I kidding? The man meat is hot enough to keep me interested, and the story isn’t getting in the way of hot angles of the boys from Boston. First and foremost, Sam Witwer is haunting my dreams. Shirtless. Getting wrestled out of the rest of his clothes.

Outside my dreams, SyFy is being relatively generous with regular shots of him shirtless. He’s one very fit vampire hunk in desperate need of a pec claw.

In that head-to-head competition in my mind between Sam W. and Aidan Turner from the BBC production, I’m shocked to say that Sam very well might out-sexy the hairy Irishman afterall. In a one-on-one rip-n-strip wrestling match in the ring (all of those details would be absolutely essential and non-negotiable), I’d have to guess that Sam’s advantage in muscle and strength would eventually end him up schoolboy pinning Aidan and pummeling his face with his cock.

Not to say that Aidan wouldn’t certainly make it competitive. I picture the Irishman working a “crazy as a shit house rat” angle, going as nasty as he can from go. All that humiliating face beating by Sam’s cock would only come well after Aidan has crushed the American’s balls repeatedly, pounded on his abs while he’s trapped in the ropes, and thrown Sam over the ropes for a nasty spill outside the ring as a prelude to pounding his gorgeous face relentlessly into the ringposts. By the time Sam’s turned the tide and has the Irishman helplessly enduring a cock whipping, it’s going to mean something to the both of them.

Of course, the thing is, a 1-on-1 match would fail to settle anything at all really. Being Human is a homoerotically charged buddy story, if nothing else. Mitchell/Sam always has George/Josh’s back, and vice versa, so a tag team match is as inevitable as me turning any hard bodied celebrity hunk into an over the top homoerotic wrestling master. And it’s there, my friends, in the 2-on-2 ring, that things really get interesting in my imagination. Because despite Sam Huntington pulling off some genuinely impressive surprise skin shots for SyFy, in this bout, he is the weakest link.

It’s hardly any surprise that, while Sam H. played the conscience-tormented nerd admirably, Russell Tovey would still kick his ass coming and going, as far as I’m concerned. Moreover, in my imagination, he’d really, really enjoy it. So, while Aidan might singlehandedly be destined for a cock whipping from Witwer, the chemistry would be so complex and unpredictable with the foursome in the throes together. I’m picturing Sam W. tied into a corner at some point, forced to watch his co-star get double teamed into oblivion, with a potential force-fed finale, a la Tag Team Torture 2, match 2.

The again, with Sam W.’s physique indisputably the most impressive in the bunch, perhaps he could carry his teammate the distance. Perhaps it’s Russell who’d find himself tied in the corner helplessly watching as Aidan (the actor) takes a brutal and humiliating double team from the Sams.

One way or another, no one’s left with gear on by the time this barn burner is over with. I’ll keep you posted how it turns out.

I’ll Buy That

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Combat is erotic. You and I know this, of course. You read this blog because you know it. Something in my ongoing ramblings speaks to you because I hardly need to convince you that hot men engaged in body-to-body physical competition to dominate one another is inherently erotic and, specifically, homoerotic. Hello, Choir. I’m preaching to you.

However, I’m convinced that this is not simply a quiet little fetish that you and I and a few thousand of our closest, anonymous internet friends embrace. My primary evidence for this theory of the mainstream homoeroticism of combat? The mainstream male model.

Sure, whatever. Roll your eyes if you must. But the male model squeezed into underwear to sell the name on a label is big business because the market is much, much broader that you and me. So when we see these aforementioned male models posed in explicitly fight and wrestling scenarios, I argue that this is evidence that combat between sweaty, muscled, gorgeous men is explicitly homoerotic. This is about sex. They don’t pick these guys because they appeal to anyone’s intellect, my friends (of course, they might be intellectually stimulating, but most of us would never know).

This latest batch of pics of models-as-wrestlers/fighters comes from my grazing in the fields of Homotrophy. The only model identified by name there is this jaw dropping specimen barely fitting into that white wrestling singlet, whose name is Harijs Broza.

Wrestling… sex… a little bondage thrown in with that singlet strap provocatively wrapped around Harijs’ wrist. This isn’t my imagination. This is evidence of Timoteo spending a whole lot of cash to sell some gear, and while I suspect that the gays may comprise a large portion of the Timoteo clientele, this is hardly marketed just for the wrestling fetishists among us.

I’ve mentioned it before, and I’m sure I’ll continue to report that a whole lot of the backchannel communications I receive from this blog are from fine gay men who say to me, “I never knew there were others who felt like I do!” There are, my friends, and not just those of us who go on the record as unabashed fans of homoerotic wrestling.
Keep it coming, boys.

A Fan Favorite

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Yesterday I celebrated Brook Stetson, co-owner of my homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Today, at the risk of repeating myself, I turn to Brook’s partner in crime, the other co-owner of my homoerotic wrestler of the month title, Mitch Colby.

Mitch was a running feature obsession in this blog almost from the beginning. When he debuted for BG East in Alexi Adamov’s Wrestler Spotlight tape, I was instantly a fanatic. Drop dead gorgeous, strong as an ox, and glistening with sweat, there’s nothing that I don’t like about Mitch’s physique. But it was always something more, something unexpected that Mitch brought to the table that has made me never be able to take my eyes off of him when he wrestles.

It’s his maturity, by which I do not mean some asinine euphemism for his age. True, he showed up on the scene a decade or two later than some of the youngest bucks that vie for our attention in the homoerotic wrestling world, but frankly that’s neither here nor there for me. Mitch possesses a chilled calmness, an unflappability, a stone cold centeredness that reflects a mature soul. I mean, let’s face it, it’s hard to out-pretty Alexi Adamov. But Mitch is every ounce as gorgeous, as far as I’m concerned, and he’s a good bit sexier because he seems to understand exactly who he is at every moment, no matter what the trash talk and mind games his opponents toss his way. The way Mitch puts Alexi in his place and leaves him flat on his back in the gazebo is all sorts of pleasing.

I won’t try to give a comprehensive blow by blow of Mitch’s career because, let’s face it, that’s been an ongoing labor of love throughout the nearly two years of this blog. Rather, let me note the highlights that taught me something new about the big, beautiful Mitch. For example, after a hard, sweaty gazebo battle with pretty boy Alexi, things turned down right nasty for him when he climbed into the wrestling ring against one of BG East’s resident bad boys, ripped stud Cole Cassidy, in Ringwars 15. Sadly, this is Mitch’s only appearance to-date in the ring. Perhaps the seriously vicious beating he took at Cole’s expert hands (and particularly the torture Mitch’s pecs took in Cole’s claws) left Mitch with PTSD for ring action. Mitch works some nice offense in on the little powerhouse, but when it comes to decimating and displaying a big, hard hunk, there’s arguably no one better than Cole. Happily, Mitch proves that he can suffer and take a beating like that hard, ripped body of his would imply.

Mitch’s first motel match was notable for me, particularly, because he squared off with Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) in Motel Madness 7. Yes, the reigning top contender for my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy went toe-to-toe with the reigning top contender for my favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division. Mitch’s physique is simply perfect in this match, and I don’t blame him a bit for allowing Mr. J to maneuver him into position to shove that massively packed crotch of his into Mitch’s face.

My next stop on Mitch’s memory lane is another motel match, in which Mitch showed what he would do if BG East dangled a little bit of fluff in his face, by which I mean twink delight, Jeremy Burk, in Motel Madness 8. This is classic big v little wrestling, and I’m on the record repeatedly as partial to that scenario. What makes this match hit my list of must mentions about Mitch are two things, really. 1) This is a fantastically erotic match that’s expertly paced. Some squashes are downright boring, but there’s nothing at all boring about Mitch’s systematic pummeling of Jeremy. It gets hotter, more painful, more humiliating, and sexier with every passing moment. And 2) this was my first peek at Mitch naked. After crushing Jeremy, Mitch takes his little piece of fluff to the bathroom where they peel out of their gear and explore one another’s bodies in and out of the shower. My fetishistic lust to scrub Mitch down from head to toe with a thick, slick coat of lathered soap probably belongs on a different fetish blog, but suffice it to say, I’m bitterly envious of Jeremy.

Back to the Florida sunroom, and my next notable highlight of Mitch in action is his sweat-fest with Skrapper in Catchweight 3. Seems that Mitch has a taste for the lightweights, and despite putting up some serious offense, Skrapper was always destined to be schoolboy pinned with Mitch’s sweaty crotch shoved in his face. What stands out from this match, however, is the post-match pool play. Mitch fireman-carries his twink out of the sunroom (with Skrapper slyly copping a feel of Mitch’s glutes along the way… I tell you, that Skrapper impresses me!), and then tosses the spent punk into the pool. One last bearhug in the middle of the pool turns from a device for inflicting pain into a passionate embrace, as they make out enthusiastically. Many, many more homoerotic wrestling matches should end this way.

The same Florida sunroom is the setting for a true epiphany in Mitch’s resume. He takes matters firmly in hand against Derek da Silva in Crotch Crushers 1, tapping into his sadist side to beat, pound, claw and, indeed, crush Derek’s testicles. In addition to being the first time I saw Mitch really grab hold of his opponent’s manhood, it’s also memorable because it was right around this release that Derek stole the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy from Mitch for a brief time. The contrast of short, pale and hairy muscleboy v tall, tanned, and smooth muscleboy is aesthetically stunning.

It was the release of Mitch’s Wrestler Spotlight tape that helped Mitch rip his inaugural title belt away from Derek and slap the hairy Italian into second place. Most specifically, it was Mitch’s matroom sweat fest with Patrick Donovan that turned my affections decisively back to Mitch. This match is profoundly arousing from start to finish, but it’s the bearhug competition right in the middle that makes my heart pump hardest. Patrick and Mitch are in the same league when it comes to almost everything… height, weight, good looks, fit physiques, wrestling skill, and maturity. So it’s that much more climactic when Mitch once and for all puts the veteran down, climbs on top, and locks lips with the loser.

A few months after Mitch regained his title as my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, he lost it in stunningly fast fashion against the wickedly nasty stylings of Rusty Stevens. From the realm of Naked Kombat and Can-Am, Rusty managed to grab my attention and hold on with both hands. Mitch slid into the top contender spot behind Rusty’s razor sharp trash talking and primal determination to dominate his opponents. So when BG East, just a few months later, released the Breaking Point: Sexiest, in which Rusty and Mitch have it out in the Florida sunroom, I was in awe. This was my fantasy come to life. I mean, most homoerotic wrestling is in one way or another my fantasies played out for me, but this was quite specifically and particularly my fantasy of pornboy v pornboy wrestling. While Mitch came out on top (at the same moment Rusty was cumming from the underneath), I had to say decisively that it was Rusty who aroused me most in this match, primarily on what is undeniably his #1 strength: his witty trash talk and delight in dishing out humiliation. It was a battle for the ages, but Mitch was relegated to stick it out in second place in my rankings.

And then last month, BG East released Mitch’s most recent match for Sunshine Shooters 4, which earned him the homoerotic wrestler of the month co-title. Mitch is also currently in possession of the top contender spot for my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy yet again, chomping at Trent Diesel’s gorgeous ass to take the title for the third time. Regardless, however, Mitch will always be a favorite, and wherever he is at any particular moment in the rankings of my favorites, I will always be a Mitch fanatic.

Bard in Chaps

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Brook Stetson charged his way into my first ever tie for homoerotic wrestler of the month this month, for his stunning work with co-title holder, Mitch Colby, in BG East’s Sunshine Shooters 4. I don’t think of myself as someone on the lookout for a bear daddy, but damn it all, Brook’s raw, rough, hairy sexiness is impossible to miss and seriously difficult to resist.

Sunshine Shooters 4 was my first introduction to Brook, despite his prior appearances with BG East. Of course, his tats speak to me, not to mention his thick, gorgeous muscles. But his incredible strength and fierce, irrepressible will crush and dominate Mitch is fantastic homoeroticism. He sprinkles in an expertly measured amount of cocky, humiliating banter and quarts of sweat making his skin glisten underneath his thick, sexy body hair. Often, I watch an arousing homoerotic wrestling match and can’t help but transport myself in place of one wrestler or the other, but in this case, I can’t decide who I’d rather be: Brook taking such commanding possession of Mitch’s toned, beautiful body, or Mitch, throwing everything he’s got at the behemoth in front of him and getting smacked down, and pinned underneath Brook’s hot body over and over.
Now that I’ve got a taste for Brook, I’ll need to sample his delightful resume. His mat beating of Tony Vencini looks remarkably sexy. Knowing what a sweat-pig (said lovingly) that Tony is, I have to guess that my taste for sweaty homoerotic wrestling muscles will be satiated by Mat Brats 2.
While I know that there are many of us that don’t get off on a squash, I’m always nursing a knee-jerk lust for a big v little wrestling session. Therefore, Catchweight 2, in which 145 pound Skrapper steps bravely onto the mat with 240 pound Brook, looks like a match-up made-to-order. For that matter, Skrapper’s stock has been seriously on the rise in my estimation lately (dare I say a potential lightweight contender to the favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy ranks?), but this post is about Brook, so let me just say that the Brook’s look of self-satisfied glee as he sits on Skrapper’s face and twists his tasty body like a twist-tie is deeply provocative.
Marco Guerra appears to have gotten some good licks in (metaphorically) on the big, big Brook in Sunshine Shooters 2. A big, brutally handsome, hairy hunk getting worked over is quite an impressive sight. The sight of Brook with his ego bruised, roaring back to reassert his physical dominance is also seriously arousing.
Commenting on Brook’s earning homoerotic-wrestler-of-the-month, Steve Paris helpfully pointed to some golden oldies in which Brook starred in early BG matches, wrestling as Brad Michaels. Tatless and significantly less brutish, Brook/Brad still had that unmistakably superhero/supervillain, square jaw and Marlboro Man handsomeness. And speaking of licks (literally) Steve and Joe commend High Stakes Wrestling 3 for some full-contact, no inch left unexposed homoerotic wrestling from a young Brook/Brad.
You can also snag some early Brook/Brad in BG’s Fantasy Fight 11, squaring off and unmistakably outweighed and outmuscled by his opponent, Chace Caldwell.

He also appeared in a barn-burner rip-n-strip against the classic Ren Adams in BG’s Rip ‘n Strip Wrestling 1.
My final find of Brook-as-Brad is from Zeus studios, in which he stars in Sex Wrestling 3. Here he appears to work up a fantastic sweat in a nasty give and take against BG East veteran, Dane Tarsen. I’m not sure about the timeline, but it looks to me like Sex Wrestling documents the metamorphosis of Brad into hairy, bear daddy Brook, when it comes to character, at least. 
To be honest, I felt like perhaps I was copping out when it came to naming my homoerotic wrestler of the month title as a tie this time around. I mean, Mitch is not only the top contender to re-take the title of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, but he’s always perfectly tuned to my wrestling kink tastes in both form and function. But with an entirely different form and a distinctly unique function, Brook absolutely earns his fair share of the title this month. Not only does Brook ignite my lust, he also incites a barely acknowledged bear cub fantasy within me that tempts me to leather up for Pride this summer. Indeed, he’s entirely worthy, and his body of work (not to mention his body) is world class.

Asses Named

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I heard from a couple of you playing along with this week’s Name That Ass quiz. I hope that the quiz remains entertaining and challenging for you. If nothing else, you really should take another look at this fantastic asses on this entertaining homoerotic wrestlers!
Ass #1 belongs to…
BG East’s Chace LaChance.

This hot little car thief will remain intuitively linked in my homoerotic wrestling memory to my reigning favorite  homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy division, Lon Dumont. Chace’s first appearance was as Lon’s tag team partner in their doomed outing against Donnie Drake and Doug Rand in Tag Team Torture 12. Chace showed up again against Donnie in Tag Team Torture 13, still managing to get battered and humiliated even in a 2-on-1 team up with Brent Salvo against Donnie. But in his third match, with his ass pictured here, he proves that he’s not just another pretty jobber as he demolishes Kieran Dunne in Jobberpalooza 11. There something about his club-ready perfect face that makes me dislike Chace as a reflex. I’ve known too many pristinely tanned and toned pretty boys like that who always make me feel a little inadequate, which is why I think Chace could have a big future as a jobber (so that we can enjoy watching the pretty one destroyed) or a surprisingly nasty pretty-boy heel (something that pretty has to have an evil core, doesn’t it?).  

Ass #3 belongs to…
Thunder’s Arena’s recent rookie muscle boy, BamBam.
A wrestler who gets the sort of review that Joe at Ringside at Skull Island gave BamBam’s debut against fellow fresh faced rookie Antonio a while back, had better have a killer body going for him, because apparently his wrestling leaves a lot to be desired (and I agree with Joe’s tastes and assessment 99.84% of the time). Fortunately for BamBam, he does indeed have that sweet round ass of his to hold our attention, even if he’s got a long way to go to sell a wrestling story. I have it on my to-do list to watch BamBam’s Mat Wars 28 session with sweaty veteran Cameron Mathews. If anyone can initiate an eager muscle stud into what it takes to deliver, surely it’s Cam.
Ass #3 belongs to…
BG East’s rookie delight, Marc Merino.
We’ve only had an opportunity to see Marc in Gear Wars 2, getting the full treatment from fellow rookie, Andee. I’ve only seen the stills from this match so far, but it looks like an extremely hot story with a very happy ending using the ring ropes to their fullest and most entertaining advantage. Marc’s ass looks extremely spankable.
Ass #4 belongs to…
Naked Kombat’s boldly named rookie, Adonis.
NK has been over-selling their rookies lately, in my opinion. Every fit lad with a pretty cock is packaged as a muscle god with a dick of death. I was, therefore, instantly skeptical of handsome young Adonis here in his one and only match, to date, debuting against Gianni Luca. Even with a creepily low BMI, Adonis still delivers highly entertaining homoerotic wrestling. With the presence and command that no rookie has a right to, Adonis serves up a heaping helping of humiliating domination that, I can’t deny, turns my crank. While his ass is certainly not the roundest or most squeezable or most spankable, it’s hard as marble and incredibly awesome to watch in action (as is the rest of him).
Ass #5 belongs to…
BG East’s Pete Reynolds.
This might be classified as a “trick question,” but by no means does personal trainer Pete here fail to meet the qualifications I set forth in this theme-set edition of Name That Ass. Despite not having wrestled for 17 and a half years, he did, indeed, apparently appear in only one homoerotic wrestling product, namely BG East’s Fantasymen 5. So he may not be the freshest meat on the table this week, but he’s perpetually and eternally a homoerotic wrestling rookie with a world class ass. His extremely brief tenure in the biz, perhaps, could be due to his misfortune in debuting against one of the classic baddies of all time, Psycho Capone. I think all rookies should take note: if you’re slated to debut against a wrestler named “psycho,” you might want to renegotiate your contract.
SP & AH posted very respectable scores this week. I will endeavor not to overcompensate for Topher’s advanced-level performance in past quizzes, and hopefully future editions of Name That… will be entertaining, challenging, and manageable.

Name That Ass

wrestlebard1 Comment
Topher has been earning excellent marks lately in these weekly quizzes. I find myself struggling to pitch each new challenge just right, hard enough to make Topher work for it, but not so hard that others will be discouraged. As I wrestle with how to deal with Topher blowing the curve, here’s the newest edition of Name That Ass. You know the concept. Scare evidence and a couple of hints… tell me whose gorgeous glutes these are. This week I’ve added the novelty of making it a theme set. These are all prime beef rookie asses, if you buy my working definition of a rookie as being a wrestler who’s appeared in no more than 3 matches. Name the opponents that these boys face for extra credit. Feel free to post answers and work together on this open book challenge. As always, have fun!
Ass #1:
This one should be easy for anyone who reads this blog with any regularity. I have this rookie’s next match (it would be #4) lined up in the fantasy world in which I schedule who wrestles whom. He’s too damn pretty to stand, which means that I will likely forever yearn to see him job or, potentially, he could develop into a major league narcissist heel (which he starts to tap into in the match from which this pic comes). I love that with all that ridiculous prettiness, he sports a hairy ass. 5’8″, 155 pounds of shredded beef, eyelashes of a runway model, and if those eyebrows come that way without aggressive plucking, I’m a monkey’s uncle.
Ass #2: 
I haven’t talked about this rookie or his ass on my blog, but Joe has. I have it on my to-do list to watch one of this boy’s 2 matches currently for sale. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him show up in a Name That Tat quiz someday. 5’9″, 185 pounds, sinister looking goatee, but with a smile that can be described as nothing short of adorable. In this match, he’s facing a veteran with an unbelievably long wrestling resume. Good luck, rookie!
Ass #3:
This is another rookie ass that I haven’t yet mentioned on my blog, despite this homoerotic wrestler definitely grabbing my attention in his one released match to date. However, he has appeared in one post, unnamed but linked and credited (which I try to do every chance I can). He’s listed at 5’10” and 210 pounds of beautiful muscle. I’m a fan of any homoerotic wrestling rookie who shows up in his debut bare-assed and cock in hand, so I’m, indeed a fan of this rookie and his incredibly sexy, round ass.

 Ass #4:
Now I suspect things may be getting tougher for you. Unlike ass #3, there’s nothing “round” about this homoerotic wrestling rookie’s ass. It’s angular and hard as a rock, built for function more than form, which frankly, makes its form that much sexier to me. He’s billed at 6’0 and 155 pounds, but still he does not qualify for an eating disorder intervention in my book (at least not from where I’m sitting). He puts every ounce (and inch) to perfect use in his one and only published match to date, and he could very well also turn up in a future Name That Tat quiz. 
Ass #5:
I’m intending this ass to be the hardest to nail down, so to speak. As far as I know, he’s appeared in exactly one homoerotic wrestling match (if someone knows of more, you must tell me where to find them!). I’ve only seen previews for his one and only match (it’s on my to-own list, eventually), but from what I’ve seen, I would never, ever, ever have guessed that this wrestler is 6’2″ and 200 pounds. Writhing on the mat and totally getting owned from start to finish by a classic heel makes this sweet- assed rookie look downright diminutive.
So don’t be shy. Send me your answers by email or comment below. 5 correct answers gets you moved to the head of the class. 5 correct answers plus the names of their opponents will earn you a custom written piece of homoerotic wrestling fiction.

Yes, Actually

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A few of you have told me that you don’t agree with me when it comes to my take on the gay panic story in homoerotic wrestling scenarios. Personally, I find it a turn off when a homoerotic wrestling story depends on gay panic to make sense of the combat. When one wrestler finds himself enraged by some overtly erotic moment in the match, causing him to tap into a seemingly desperate wave of vicious brutality, it all feels like so much internalized homophobia.

So when halfway through Thunder’s Arena’s No Holds Barred 7, when Cameron Matthews plants an aggressive, adamant kiss squarely across the lips of Ace Hanson, it’s no wonder that a red flag flew in the back of my mind to watch Ace’s reaction. Ace tosses Cameron all over the place like a rag doll, grabbing his fight gloves to signal that he’s all business now. “You done crossed the line with that one, buddy!” Ace snarls.

The spike in my anxiety that this truly delightful homoerotic wrestling match is turning homophobic slowly evaporates though. I was already fully on board with being turned on by the Ace v Cameron face-off. Both boys are total work horses for Thunder’s Arena, bringing their gorgeous bodies and their respective skill sets in high quality homoerotic wrestling entertainment.

There’s a lot of mutual admiration that happens early on, and I like that. Both boys do a little trash talking, but mixed with some grudging respect. Ace acknowledges that Cameron has been putting on a few pounds of muscle lately. When they initially lock up, Ace can’t help but admit that Cameron is impressively strong.

Thunder’s Arena is becoming the master of the double entendre, and Cameron and Ace are certainly two of the most accomplished practitioners of sexual innuendo out there. When Cameron slaps on a double arm bar, for example, displaying Ace’s beefy physique to perfection, Ace gasps in pain, startled at the decisiveness with which Cameron is dominating him. “Uh!” Ace grunts with a note of panic. “You got that one in pretty deep!”
“Oh, I can go deeper,” Cameron snarls behind him. A little later, when Cameron has Ace uncharacteristically on his back and suffering, Cameron congratulates himself. “Oh man, I love taking big men down.”
Both boys take turns cranking hard on face-to-crotch headscissors, with accompanying trash talk that completely works for me. When inevitably outmuscled, Cameron evens the playing field with some nasty-looking ball claws that I completely buy. The boys hold my attention and tell a very fulfilling story of a muscle-on-muscle battle for domination, with two big egos slapping down extremely attractive sharp wits.
But then there’s that moment when Ace seems to be tapping into his inner Dan White. All my built up excitement from the action thus far begins to waver. Are these guys just another couple of straight boys hating on the very audience that buys this shit in the first place?
Ace flings Cameron’s sweet body all over the place, as Cameron tries to de-escalate the big man’s ferocity. “I didn’t mean it!” Cameron gasps desperately. “You’re not even my type!”

Surprisingly, though, Ace and Cameron never waver from a homoerotic true-line. It appears that the line that Cameron has crossed hasn’t tripped Ace’s inner-homophobe so much as Ace’s dominating muscle lust. “You wanna get freaky, huh!?” Ace barks at Cameron. Shoving Cameron’s face in his crotch in a tit-for-tat humiliating head scissor, Ace crows, “Is this what you like so much!? Here, let me show you a little closer.” Cameron taps Ace’s ass frantically in submission, but Ace refuses to let him up. He slides his hips backward, grinding his crotch into Cameron’s as he stretches his sweat-soaked, muscle torso overtop of his smart ass opponent, pinning him helplessly underneath his gorgeous bulk. “Stop squirming Cameron,” he mutters as he swivels his hips slowly. “You’re just like my little sweat towel,” he says almost lovingly as he wipes the sweat from his forehead onto Cameron’s face. Slapping a cheek-to-sweaty-cheek sleeper on, Ace moans passionately, “Come on… come on….”

Cameron groans, “I’m coming…” Ace returns the favor for all that ball torture Cameron treated him to earlier. Some truly gasp-worthy maneuvers include one of Ace’s hand clawing at Cameron’s testicles, the other wrapped around his throat, military pressing him overhead. Some incredibly high impact and all-in power squashing happens here that’s undeniably hot.

But what finally sells me is Ace. As he systematically crushes Cameron, ignoring submission after submission in order to beat his boy relentlessly, Ace starts to take full possession of his opponent. With Cameron trapped flat on his back underneath him, yet again, Ace strokes Cameron’s muscles and squeezes his left bicep, marveling that Cameron is hard and pumped from all his exertions. “Feel a little lower,” Cameron mutters, suggesting that it isn’t just his bicep that’s hard and pumped. The grin on Ace’s face grows bigger as he strokes and massages Cameron in hold after hold. He squeezes Cameron’s pecs and thighs. He comes back over and over to Cameron’s impressively big biceps that so many homoerotic wrestling commentators have been admiring lately.

Yet again, Ace has Cameron pinned on his back underneath him, crotch-to-crotch. Ace presses their torsos together and rests his face, cheek-to-cheek on top of Cameron, their lips a fraction of an inch apart. “Is that what you like?” he snarls down.

Cameron mutters, “Yes, actually.”

Ace groans again, “Just like my towel, look at you all wiped up with my sweat. Now you’ll smell like me. Maybe girls will talk to you.”

Without skipping at beat, Cameron groans, “Girls have cooties.”

So, this is quintessentially Thunder’s Arena. Cameron and Ace (mostly Cameron) have extremely entertainingly sharp wits, giving high powered moves and blows a playful, fun-n-games feel about them. But I offer an unqualified recommendation for No Holds Barred 7 mostly because, in a Thunder’s way, this is awesomely erotic. Neither of these gorgeous hunks flinch from the homoerotic sexual innuendo. While Ace appears to grow particularly concerned about Cameron’s indulgent, full-faced kiss, it seems to be only an invitation for Ace to up his game and take more and more delight in exploring and owning Cameron’s hot, hard body. This match is entirely about you and me, with a story told with a lot of humor, a lot of innuendo, a lot of hard, amazing muscle wrestling, and, perhaps surprisingly, a whole lot of respect for their audience.

These are a few of my favorite things…

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Naked Kombat has served up a heapin’ helpin’ of hotness this week. The line up is delicious. Former tag team partners and always arousing Trent Diesel (yes, my #1 favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy) and DJ are now on opposing teams. DJ is paired up with former nemesis Leo Forte. Trent is tagging with Seth Green look-a-like, Sebastian Keyes. So let’s tally this up so far: Trent, DJ, tag-team homoerotic wrestling. Three of my favorite things!

But wait, there’s more! I’ve been nursing a live-audience lust for a long time now, and yet again, NK is serving up what I’m hot for. The cheering and jeering from the enthusiastic audience absolutely ups the eroticism. The horny boys in the seats are gasping and crying out for more as the wrestlers get nastier, meaner, and more erotic. Fantastically hot!

Trent is a vision as always, though now sporting a new tat on his thigh. When he’s introduced at the beginning of the match, he pumps his fist over head to the roar of the crowd. Damn. That body. Damn.

Sebastian and Leo are also-rans for my attention in this line up, so skipping over to DJ, I’ll just say that he continues to not just earn my respect, but he grabs me by the testicles and squeezes until I scream my passionate adoration. I realize that DJ is too skinny for some tastes. He’s hot as hell for my tastes, and his movement on the mats is pure gold.

The action seems to always be more intense and fast-paced when there’s an audience, which can’t be bad. A few highlights that make me push the pause-and-rewind include DJ mounted on top of Trent and licking my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy’s face; Trent immediately flipping DJ to his back and returning the favor, slathering all over DJ’s cringing face (as the audience screams with unanimous pleasure); and every single fantastic double-team that NK allows for a few seconds following each tag-in.

When I saw the line-up for this tag bout, I have to admit, I was 95% certain that Trent and Sebastian were going to find themselves asses up and getting fucked hard by the notoriously dominating scrappers, DJ and Leo. In particular, I thought Sebastian was going to be the weakest link, and that not even the stunning physique and blinding beauty of Trent would be sufficient to make up the difference. I love being surprised.

Sebastian is a hell cat. The tag setting seems to bring out some awesome ferocity in him. Perhaps it’s the audience, loving every moment that the pale, pubescent looking boy, conspicuously the only one without visibly ripped abs, slams his cock down on top of his opponent’s face and roars with primal ecstasy. When the boys in blue end round three with three more points than the bad boys in red, I’m totally stoked for some more Trent on DJ humiliation.

The sex round this time around speaks to more than it often does. Again, I say, it’s the audience. Trent and Sebastian dominate not just for the cameras, but for the immediate and responsive feedback of the audience. Trent makes a bee-line to claim DJ as his personal trophy. Both victors drag the losers on their knees to the edge of the mat to give the audience an up close angle on force-feeding DJ and Leo their cocks. Sebastian turns Leo’s ass to the audience, with the loser’s lips still wrapped around his cock, to spread Leo’s cheeks wide for the audience’s inspection. When the audience demands it, Trent and Sebastian are happy to oblige them in shoving DJ and Leo’s faces together, forcing them to kiss on command. Once again, on command, with the loser’s faces shoved up the winner’s asses, Sebastian grabs Trent’s face as they kiss to the roar of the crowd, Sebastian pumping his fist. Yet again, when the crowd roars it’s desire, Trent and Sebastian saddle up and ride the losers around for a pony ride. The reaction of the crowd to Trent finally erupting all over DJ makes an incredibly hot, intimate moment that much more amazingly erotic.

This match does more for my wrestling kink than a typical NK bout does, frankly. It’s not only hot and hard, it’s thrilling and thoroughly entertaining. The sweet peck on the lips from Leo as the camera fades to black is fantastically sweet. Trent remains in solid possession of the title holder as my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, and NK has finally chalked up an audience match free of injuries. I hope that means there will be more to come!

Dude, Where’s My Car?!

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As the scene materializes, we see a canary yellow tripped out sport sedan, driving into the driveway of BGE headquarters. It’s Kieran Dunne. He’s late for his match. He doesn’t really care.

Kieran is a babyface that’s always a delight to see pounded. Ever since he got the Mr. Joshua welcome to BG East in Mat Hunks 1, the juxtaposition of his adolescent-looking face with a muscleman physique has just screamed out for beating after beating. He’s developed an attitude over the years inversely proportional to his muscle tone, and every so often, the attitude is just enough to put Kieran over the top., However, I, for one, am always ready to lap up more Kieran-as-jobber.

But what’s this? Keiran’s opponent for Jobberpaloozer 11 is go-go boy rookie, Chace LaChance. Chace has been stinkin’ up the place since his recent arrival at BG East. First, he was the albatross around my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division, Lon Dumont, when Chace debuted as Lon’s tag team partner in Tag Team Torture 12. This is just me talking, now. Lon never said a bad word about Chace when I interviewed him a couple of months ago. But I just have to think that their nasty humiliation at the hands of Donnie Drake and Doug Rand came as a result of Chace’s rookie flat-footedness. I’ve been nursing an infatuation with the idea of Lon punishing the pretty-pretty boy mercilessly, to teach him a lesson for putting the first check in Lon’s loss column.

Even 2-on-1, Kieran couldn’t manage a victory against a double-teamed Donnie Drake in Tag Team Torture 13. So Kieran versus Chace is a quandry, particularly in a collection entitled Jobberpalooza. Two jobbers go head-to-head, the veteran jobber who never learns, and the green rookie jobber who’s almost too pretty to stand. This is an existential crisis in the making for me.

Turns out, Kieran brings the same narcissistic over-confidence he always does to the table. Chace, however, brings something entirely new. In addition to sporting a tanned, toned body ripped out of a go-go boy cage at smoky dance club, Chace also has some heretofore unseen moves. Who knew!?

After initially digging himself out of the hole that he finds himself in from Kieran’s dirty tricks, Chace proves decisively who the “jobber” is in this battle of the jobbers. A couple of favorite moments here include the impressive feat of Chace delightfully scissoring Keiran’s melon between his skinny legs, sliding his butt backward into the corner, and then pressing himself up, rope by rope, dragging Kieran’s carcass up with him. The image of Chace perched like that in the very same corner that Lon punished Eddie Rey with a suspended bodyscissor tweaks that fantasy of mine in a bad, bad way.

After a surprisingly nice heel-in-training clinic that Chace lays on Kieran (the yanking Keiran round by his hair and using him as a punching bag in the corner are particularly fun), my second favorite of Chace’s moves comes after all is said and done. After sleepering Keiran out for a ten count (and then some), Chace puts on his warm up gear and heads out of BG East having proven he’s no one-trick jobber-pony. He heads to his hatchback under the carport, but then stops and looks over his shoulder at Kieran’s canary yellow pride and joy. With a devilish smile across his ridiculously pretty face, Chace slides into the front seat and crows, “My car, now!” He drives off revving the engine indulgently.

All this to say that if Lon and Chace do ever meet, I still say Lon’s destined to punish the pretty one mercilessly. But happily, it might turn out to be more of a competition than I would’ve thought before I saw Jobberpalooza 11.