Tag: Jake Jenkins

Evoking Eli

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Eli & Jake don’t stay in their singlets long in Mat Rookies 1

I got a message this morning from none other than 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month and all around homoerotic wrestling stud extraordinaire, Eli Black.  It seems that Blogger was acting up (yet again) and not allowing Eli to post a comment to my recent post on “Making Jake…,” the a-b-c’s of Jake Jenkins in action.  Here’s Eli’s 2 cents on the subject (or, knowing Eli, let’s just agree that the value of his thoughts are priceless):

Hey I got a comment for your Jake Jenkins post! So, ok, it was all nice to give someone else the spotlight, but enough is enough! Eli Black is here to turn your frowns into cheers! I could totally write a book, nay, a bible on the Eli Black abc-to-z’s! 1) It’s Eli Black’s world, in case you forgot. 2) I’m the best there is, plain and simple, and 3) I will be until anyone else can beat me fairly! Finally, 4)(z) my picture perfect abs, followed by my amazing ass! Point proven!!!

The extensive rivalry and, at the same time, grudging respect between Eli and Jake has been extensively documented.  But it seems there’s a limit to the Eli’s willingness to let Jake soak up the attention!  Fuck, I love it when my favorite homoerotic wrestlers grab us by the ears and demand our total loyalty!

Eli puts Jake in his place!

As is my way, I absolutely have to parse out Eli’s comment in agonizing detail.  My first observation is that some smart-ass might try to point out that Eli seems to be confusing a-b-c’s with 1-2-3’s.  I, however, could easily picture me getting my ass kicked for being that particular smart ass, so I’m on board with any way at all that Eli wants to countdown his credentials to utter greatness!

“…Primus, meaning number one!”

I’m also compelled to point out that a wrestler who goes out of his way to trash talk even the mere musing of fans about other wrestlers is h-h-h-ot!  Damn it all, Eli’s ego alone could put a match-ending rear choke on most opponents.  For any poor bastard who hasn’t seen Eli in action, let me just assure you that his wrestling and MMA skills are every bit as devastating as his razor sharp wit and soul crushing banter.

Picture. Perfect.

And finally, I love a man who appreciates his own assets, and Eli’s put his finger on precisely why he’s got an army of homoerotic wrestling fans salivating like Pavlov’s dog the moment we hear he’s got a new release.  Picture perfect abs.  Truly amazing ass.

Truly AMAZING!

Point taken, Eli.  I still plan to continue the Making Jake series, but I’d be completely insane to miss the opportunity to also initiate an “Evoking Eli” series to review even more of the a-b-c’s (or 1-2-3’s) of living in Eli Black’s world!

Eli treats the rookie Namen to an up close look at his amazing ass!  Lucky son of a bitch…

Thanks for the read and the reminder, Eli.  We’re truly awed to have you here to turn our frowns into cheers!

Eli’s watching us to make sure we’re watching him. You’ve got my attention,  Primus! 

Making Jake

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Jake Jenkins – 5’7″, 155 lbs.
There are a few more Olympic round robins still to post, but in the mean time I’m starting a new series that’s been on my mind for a while now.  The concept is simple. The prep required is exquisite.  It’s inspired by the sell of a former homoerotic wrestler of the month and regular go-to hunk that never fails to turn me on.  These are the ABC’s of Jake Jenkins.  Just complete the phrase, “Making Jake….”  Here are A through E on my list.  If you have additional photos that illustrate more of the ABC’s of Making Jake, send them along!
Making Jake…
… asphyxiate.
Lean, mean, devastatingly handsome Jayden Mayne is sick and tired of being a whipping boy at BG East, and to prove it, he delights in making Jake asphyxiate.
… bend.

The combo of Jake Jenkins barefoot and in white trunks paired with Kid Karisma in black (and in the ring!!!) is nothing short of genius! Kid Karisma does a stunningly beautiful job of making Jake bend.

… cry.

Jake has gone back and forth with nasty grappler Ethan Andrews, and on more than one occasion the lean, mean Ethan makes Jake cry.

… drowsy.

Jake also has a running feud with the always dangerous 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month and friend of this blog (well, he talks to me…), Eli Black.  In there’s jock strap matroom sweat bath for BG East, Eli turns all of Jake’s cocky swagger and sculpted muscle into so much mush when he makes Jake drowsy.

… elated!

Jake’s got range, mind you, and it’s not all about making Jake suffer.  Joah Bindao is a hot little package who certainly makes jake work, but when he’s racked, bulging, and helplessly across Jake’s soaking shoulders, Noah can’t help himself but make Jake elated!

…to be continued.

Still-Frame Fantasies

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I’ve been working my ass off so hard that the month of May is pretty much a wash when it comes to my favorite past-time: checking out new homoerotic wrestling releases. I’m just throwing in the towel and putting an asterisk in the homoerotic wrestler of the month competition for May 2012. The throne will remain empty for the month.  I have a strong suspicion that there will be a new title holder once June has played out, however. BG East has released Catalog 93, and it’s packed with some of my long time fantasyman crushes as well as more recent infatuations, any one of which could (and most of them have) easily bitchslapped the competition and claim the title. I’m also entranced with the hotness of new Rock Hard wrestler Britboy Will Stanley landing just in time for the queen’s diamond jubilee. Only 5 days into the month and based solely on still-frame fantasies, here are the immediate front runners for June’s title.
Denny Cartier crotch pins Joah Bindao

Denny’s back! Just the photos alone of hot Denny Cartier can tide me over, and in his Gazebo Grapplers 13 appearance he’s looking tastier than ever. Those eyes, that smile, the dimpled chin, wide strong shoulders, gorgeous chest, luscious ass, strong legs, and look at those forearms… all of that and some of the highest quality grappling I love, and Denny could easily be a 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month. And hot little muscleman Joah Bindao is definitely a rising stock.

Jake Jenkins threatens to dismember Jayden Mayne
Gazebo Grapplers 13 is catching me eye from start to finish, including Jake Jenkins looking possibly hotter than I’ve ever seen. Is it the trunks? Is it that hot, “monkey boy” body? Is it that his eyes looking like he’s about to carve into Thanksgiving turkey as he stares down handsome scrapper, Jayden?  Jake’s done it once and could easily do it again, wrestling his way into another homoerotic wrestler of the month title.
Joshua Goodman’s crotch might choke out Christopher Bruce!

And yet another Gazebo Grapplers 13 match is turning my crank in still-frame! Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) could read the phone book and I’d be off before he got to Aanerud (as long as he’s in nothing but those skimpy white trunks)! I’ve never seen a Mr. Joshua match that fails to make me weak in the knees, and pitting him against perennial powerhouse and sexy thinker Christopher Bruce could easily propel either of these men into the lead.  It seems impossible that Mr. Joshua has not yet owned the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. Could his Susan Lucci moment arrive in June?

Stinger in trouble from every angle!

My, oh my, Masked Mayhem 7 could be a superhero homoerotic wrestling fantasy for the record books! Lean, sexy Stinger’s partner doesn’t show up, and the brave masked man agrees to face both legendary heel Cage Thunder and his new tag partner, unmistakably menacing long, hard hottie Lightning Rod. Cage Thunder has yet to own the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month on these pages, but could this be the month on the strength of what looks like an astonishingly sexy, brutal double-team?

Skip Vance in agony under the control of Kid Karisma

Speaking of astonishingly sexy, the pairing of incredibly hot champion jobber, Skip Vance and my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division), Kid Karisma, has the potential to be epic! I’ve lobbied the boys at BG East for a long-overdue Wrestler Spotlight starring Kid K’s world class muscle ass! Skip hasn’t held the title, but Kid K was living large and in charge as homoerotic wrestler of the month 11 months ago. Either of these stunners could easily own it this month.

Fiercely hot newbie Diego Diaz launches Morgan Cruise
Neither Morgan Cruise nor newbie heartthrob Diego Diaz have held the homoerotic wrestler of the month title yet, but I could easily see their face-off for Morgan’s Spotlight earning one of them the distinction for June. Hurricane Morgan is like a force of nature lately, leveling every hot, hunky face placed in his way. And ripped, snarling, Latino powerhouse Diego has captured my imagination like no current newcomer. It’s a rare feat to be homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of just 2 matches, but the Latino giant could definitely make that happen.

Mitch Colby makes batboy Aryx Qinn pucker up
Mitch Colby has owned every title I could ever dream up. If Mitch and Diego Diaz were to ever tag team,   my life could very well be complete. In the mean time, his hairy chested, sweat soaked ring pounding with Aryx Quinn makes Mitch an instant contender for a 2nd trip to the winner’s circle.
Austin sweats through his jock while he shows off Patrick Donovan’s best side.

Austin Cooper is everywhere lately! For sheer ironman hotness (not to mention Goldenboy beauty and a top notch bubble butt) Austin is a contender for the title he has yet to possess. And Patrick Donovan is an instant contender, and I strongly suspect that Patrick has made a pact with Satan, because he’s done nothing but get sexier and more gorgeous with each and every match he’s wrestled in his long and lustrous career! That ass alone deserves a title, and he could absolutely deserve the homoerotic wrestler of the month title for his Matmen 23 face-off with the Goldenboy.

Austin does chiropractic work on Britboy rookie Will Stanley.

And my last instant infatuation for the first 5 days of June is Rock Hard Wrestling’s rookie lovely, Will Stanley. See, Austin’s back (making for 2 nominations for the title this month), but like Joe, I’m immediately craving a closer look at handsome, ripped hunk Will Stanley. That body, that ink, that face, AND an accent? Nostalgia alone could tip the scales to Will Stanley, Esquire, in honor of the queen’s diamond jubilee.

Hot, hot, hot start to summer, homoerotic wrestling fans!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

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It’s time to honor another homoerotic wrestler who captured my imagination and excited me the most for appearing in a match released in the prior month. The field of contenders this time around is almost paralyzingly deep. BG East alone has populated the potential prize winners with one of the richest catalogs I can remember. From Strip Stakes 3, both gorgeous rookie Damien Rush and rising heel Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise easily secure nominations. From Catch Weight 5, reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (porn-boy) Skrapper and his fanatsyman muscle beast opponent, Dev Michaels get credit where credit is most definitely due. Lovely underwear model Rio Garza gets a nomination for his Very Bad Day, getting fucked up sequentially and in tandem by Bulldog Barzini and his surprisingly inspiring protege, Mike Pitt. I can’t help myself but nomination from Mat Rookies 1 no fewer than 3 of the sexy, sweaty rooks, namely Ben Cohen, former HWOTM Jake Jenkins, and still another former HWOTM, Eli Black. It’ll come as no surprise, considering my recent gushing, that I’m breathlessly nominating rookie-I-don’t-think-so Latino stud, Diego Diaz from Florida Fights 4, as well as former HWOTM Bobby Horton and a new-to-me favorite, Drew Russell. And I’ll be damned if I absolutely can’t help myself but send up both big, luscious bruiser Chris Xaos and his muscle man opponent in combat boots, Rob Chandler, for one of the most homoEROTIC motel tussles, Motel Madness UK. Even with that huge list, I’m already second guessing several of the boys that I’m leaving on the table, but I must charge forward. Turning next to Can-Am, I’m whole-heartedly nominating yet another Latino muscle beast by the name of Thiago Diaz and ripped beyond belief Tyler Reese, for a muscle bashing feast for the eyes in Florida Pro Fights (not to be confused with Diego Diaz starring in BG East’s Florida Fights 4… seriously?). And then I can’t fail to nominate from the Rock Hard Wrestling ranks Eli Black (again) and his opponent, Austin Cooper, as well as former HWOTM Z-Man (aka Zack Johnathan) and muscle tamer extraordinaire, nasty Ethan Andrews.  And finally, an entry from an entirely new source this time around, I’m also nominating my personal crush and recent interviewee, Dan aka Steel Muscle God for his recent release of a muscle pose down, trash-talking, arm wrestling-leads-to no rules jockstrap wrestling on the mats in an unknown European gym (and if I knew the name of his shaved headed muscle beast opponent, I’d throw him a nominating bone as well).

This, my friends, has been a bumper crop of fantastic homoerotic wrestling! I think I’ll remember April 2012 for some time to come, because the new releases this month have kept me dehydrated and distracted from my work from start to finish. If it were even a slightly less competitive month, probably at least 5 of these boys would easily claim the title. But as hard as it is to put some of these incredibly entertaining boys in the back seat, I’m picking just one of them to drive us all forward as new, reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month…

Eli is only the second two-time winner of the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. I trace his lead in the hotly contested race this past month starting right around April 4, when he dropped me the message that I might want to let neverland readers know that April was officially Eli Black month. Why official? Because Eli Black said it was so. Why his month? Because he was about to star simultaneously in new releases for an astonishing 3 different underground wrestling companies at the same time. And he kicked ass in serious MMA competition. And it was his birthday month. Enough said. It was Eli Black month.

Eli rips Austin Cooper in half.

I love, love, love a self-promoting, trash-talking, supremely confident, ripped muscle stud of an athlete, and there may be none to compete with him on all those fronts at the same time (except possibly Kid Karisma… now that would be a combination!). Eli’s match against goldenboy muscle man, Austin Cooper, was an astonishing catch weight wonder to behold. Eli quite literally got shot-putted halfway across the ring (multiple times), repeatedly slammed, stomped and pummeled corner-to-corner, tortured in the ropes, cracked and rocked humiliatingly across Austin’s knee… and still Primus kept clawing his way back for more.  RHW captures so well Eli’s face when he’s on top, making an opponent hurt, and he’s nothing short of ecstatic as he watches the agony he’s administering contort his opponent’s face.  Eli large and in charge drives me wild, but Eli taking an epic mauling and clawing back on his hands and knees to stare defeat defiantly in the face turns me into a quivering mess.

When the rules of amateur wrestling start to get bent, things get really interesting!

But truth be told, it’s Eli’s rematch against Jake Jenkins in Mat Rookies 1 that put the distance between Eli and the rest of the pack to propel him across the finish line first as homoerotic wrestler of the month.  Eli conceded in my recent interview with him that he has a grudging respect for Jake, and if he was forced to take a tag team partner, it’s be him. Watching Mat Rookies 1 gives you the context for that comment. After Jake schooled Eli hard for his rookie debut at RHW, they show up for this rematch on the mats for BG East. They’re both gorgeous in their singlets, and the initial amateur-style sparring is incredible to watch. They both give running commentaries on the holds and moves, as well as on their relative assessments of how each of them is doing in the match. They’re beautifully matched in both muscle and technical skill. If they’d grown up in the same place, I’m sure they’d have been best buddies, teammates on the wrestling team, and friendly competitors for being feared and adored the most in the cutthroat world of adolescence.

When the singlets come off, the rules go out the window.

But the stakes in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly different than those on the high school wrestling team. When Jake peels out of his sweat-soaked singlet, stripping down to his orange jock strap, Eli sees it for what it is: just another challenge. Not to be outdone by the beautiful physique of handsome, young Jake, Eli shrugs out of his singlet straps and strips down to his white jock strap, insisting that just like his wrestling, his body is better than Jake’s as well.

Nobody seems to be able to resist gut punching that wall of rippled muscle!

Locked in bare-assed combat, the boys demonstrate why amateur wrestling skills take you only so far once you’ve reached the ranks of underground homoerotic wrestling.  Amateur wrestling doesn’t offer the opportunity to see two bare-assed hardbodies pick each other up by the hair and slam one another into walls (I’d be much, much more into amateur wrestling if they did). Jake and Eli didn’t learn ab claws and gut punching and suspended surfboards and over-the-knee backbreakers from high school wrestling practice. Fortunately for us, they picked it up elsewhere, and they unleash every above and below board move at one point or another to lay down layer after layer of humiliating domination.

Eli wipes the smirk right off of Jake’s face with a bare-handed choke.

Jake is the smart-ass in this match. He smirks a lot. He laughs off clearly painful holds that Eli applies. He intentionally goads the rookie, questioning his manhood. His psychological strategy, for the most part, is to stay ice cool regardless how hot the contest heats up, letting rash, short-tempered Eli burn himself out and run himself into a corner with impetuosity.  Every time Jake muscles his way on top and controls Primus, he snorts and chortles, building the psychologically dominating argument that he’s destined to beat Eli.

Jake threatens to snap Eli in half.

But I have to admit that Eli’s half-centimeter long fuse is what soaks up my attention. He rides his rage like he’s in a rodeo. He counts up every indignity that he suffers at Jake’s hands in order to keep a running tally of the humiliation that he must, he will, he is destined to eventually return with interest paid. In the past, I’ve mentioned this notion of a wrestler staying “present” as something that turns me on and just isn’t always something you can count on, but Eli’s focus is like a laser beam. I forget that there had to be at least one or two other guys crammed into the mat room that day to film this gem, primarily because Eli is one fiercely focused mother fucker!

Shades of Brad Rochelle from Wrestlefest 2, Jake is ready to bag and tag his prey.

Both of these boys work… their… ASSES off in this match, which is also something that can’t be assumed. And by the time Jake hoists Eli across his shoulders and parades him around the ring like a stag he’s shot on opening day of hunting season, Eli’s rock hard vulnerability absolutely makes me gasp. All of the nuance and character in the match makes being captured in Jake’s torture rack exquisitely poignant and climactic. The battle has waxed and waned for both combatants, and it’s looked like it’s over many times already.  But finally, it seems like cocky and calm Jake had the winning strategy, letting Eli’s rash rage burn itself right out in a pool of outmuscled sweat and tears. All of Eli’s predictions of how he’s going to conquer the world, tame any foe, and become the franchise look like the dashed dreams of a hero from Greek mythology. Jake is stunningly powerful, and the look of primal joy/rage on his face as he struts around the mat and bounces Eli’s tortured back across his shoulders is the spitting image of another young, muscled frat boy seizing destiny by the balls and settling in for some well-earned self-congratulations.

“Go… to… SLEEP!”

Eli’s done that clawing his way back from the brink of despair that turns me on so hard. He’s battled long and hard. He’s sold me that he’s burned every last ounce of fuel in his tanks (of both physical and psychological stamina). Primus has told me that story that moves me so deeply. And then, holy fuck! He delivers two sharp elbows into Jake’s temple. As Jake stumbles and begins to drop Primus, Eli has captured Jake’s throat with his right arm before his feet have touched the mat. Out of nowhere, Eli locks on a beautifully tight, perfectly positioned sleeper. Jake fights it. The hit of dominating power and fate are still in his nostrils from the torture rack he commanded just moments ago. But ambitious young Eli remains clamped across Jake’s back like a python. Primus is gasping for air, still recovering from the torture rack. As Jake begins to melt in his arms, losing his hold on consciousness, the two sink to the mat with Eli’s cheek resting across the back of Jake’s head. “Go… to… SLEEP!” Eli gasps, almost pleadingly, desperate to put this most challenging rival down once and for all.

Jake dreams of past victories.

Just like in the ranking for HWOTM, Eli comes out on top. Both barely clad boys are nursing their wounds, neither one able to summon the strength to start the long journey out of the mat room. It’s done, as Jake pants desperately, regaining a solid handhold on consciousness and looking up to see Eli clutching his back, clearly still in agony. Grudging respect between these two?  Of course. And what does Eli say to sum up this destined-for-the-hall-of-fame 40 minutes?  “Pussy.” Of course.

Reigning 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month, Eli Black.

So last month was Eli Black month, leading to this month, as Primus returns to the throne of homoerotic wrestler of the month. It’s no wonder to me that he’s got his eye on running the show. He’s one fiercely entertaining, smoking hot wrestler. If I’ve said it once, I’m sure I’ll say it a thousand times. This is Eli Black’s world. You’re just living in it.

Eli Black’s World

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Go on. Try it.
Today is Eli Black’s birthday. Anyone wanna be first in line to slap that ass? Let me rephrase the question: anyone wanna be first in line to try to slap that ass?!
Eli screams his way to yet another victory in the cage.
Eli celebrated Eli Black month by winning a first round knock out victory in yet another MMA competition last weekend. Just like the boys at BG East, Rock Hard Wrestling, and UCW, Eli’s MMA opponents are learning the hard way to fuck with Eli Black at their own peril. And as an observant reader detected from my last post about Eli, it does indeed appear that he’s sporting some new bright red ink on his left upper arm.

Eli’s rematch with Jake Jenkins (pre-new ink) for BG East is an astonishingly sexy birthday gift for Eli fans. Eli and Jake start with some “practicing” in the mat room, demonstrating that both of these gorgeous hunks come from accomplished amateur backgrounds. They deliver a clinic of amateur holds and throws, each wrestler determined to prove his technical superiority.

The trash talk flies fast and furious from the start, getting hotter and hotter as the minutes tick by. “Maybe you should stop pissing me off,” Jake almost coos.  “Maybe you should stop sucking!” Eli snaps back.

Jake mocks Primus like poking a pit bull with a stick. “Uh oh,” he chuckles, controlling Eli’s back. “What’s about to happen to Eli Black?”  Eli gets more and more pissed by the second. “Stop being a bitch, Jake!”

These boys tell a fantastically compelling story. You know the story. It’s about the rush of testosterone mixed with injured pride. It’s told in sweat and grunts, all the while desperately trying not to look like they’re breaking a sweat or having to work. The story is about getting seriously pissed off at one another, but struggling to maintain their cool, to laugh it off, to look like the hot hunk who just out hustled or outmuscled you isn’t getting in your head.  Well, Jake manages the I’m too cool to look like I’m working bit. Eli isn’t really one who tends to hide it when he’s getting good and pissed off.

Jake just laughs when Eli snaps on a spladle, stretching Jake’s legs apart. “Stretch ’em out a little more,” Jake taunts him.  When Eli obliges, Jake’s back arches and the veins in his neck rise to the surface, but he just smiles. “Quit being a little bitch! I know this hurts,” Eli snarls back.

Jake locks on a headscissors, pulling Eli’s face high up against his ass. “How does that smell?” Jake asks nonchalantly. A few seconds later, the two are stalking one another around the small mat room, and Jake shrugs his big shoulders out of his singlet. “Oh, what,” Eli snaps, “you’re big?” Jake grins ear from ear when he replies, “I’m sexy!” Never to be outdone, never to to fail to see the element of competition in anything in life, Eli quickly sheds his singlet, yelling, “I totally, totally look better than you!”  With Eli standing in nothing but his jock strap and boots, his abs ripped to shreds, Jake gives credit where credit is due. With just a twinge of a sound of surprised respect, Jake murmurs, “Not bad, not bad at all!”

Eli took a hard, humiliating loss in his first time out of the gates for BG East. At RHW, he took a hard, humiliating loss his first time there, as well… to Jake. But the infinitely ambitious, testosterone overdosed hot head Eli is done with his rookie initiations. He spends the next 25 minutes making Jake sweat, scream, and submit. It’s not a walk in the park, and somehow, I can’t imagine Eli would ever bother with something as ridiculously boring as taking a walk in the park. He loves this shit. He loves being challenged. He loves his low boiling rage getting poked and prodded. He loves getting pissed off, because he’s convinced that, like Dr. Bruce Banner, once he completely loses control of his rage, he’s unstoppable and superhuman.  These two toned athletes go at it non-stop, meaner and harder and sweatier with every passing moment. They trade holds and submissions, and they dance along the edge of injuring each other’s bodies along the way to their real goal, crushing each other’s egos. With just a minute left, the tables are still turning back and forth until Eli successfully wipes the grin off of Jake’s handsome face (by choking him out cold), once and for all.

Happy birthday, Eli!

Happy birthday, Eli. You haven’t been on the scene of homoerotic wrestling long, but you’ve already rallied an army of fans who are sincerely happy to have you on board.

Bodies Over Time – Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month Edition

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Reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month: Christian Taylor
(aka Chris Cox)
Christian Taylor rocks. He’s stunning in still frame. Long, perpetually lean, gorgeously handsome square jaw, aquiline nose, piercing, long-lashed eyes, and a big, toothy, melting smile. I haven’t chatted with him in real time (though I’d love to!), but the hit I get off of his wrestling matches and his available photo sets is that he’s doesn’t quite believe just how sexy he is. A 6’2″, 175 lbs athlete with cover boy good looks who harbors some insecurity about his own attractiveness is one of the sexiest things on earth, I think.
Christian over time: (l) Undagear 15, (c) Sexy Showdown 6, and (r) Wet and Wild 6
This is a “bodies over time” post officially, but honestly, over the course of about 7 years appearing in homoerotic wrestling, his body has remained astonishingly hot. If anything, he’s getting more ripped, more handsome, and more confident with age. His pecs are a little fuller. He’s whittled his abs and obliques down to first-rate washboard condition. He looks like he’s lived into the long, sultry lines of his genetically blessed physique with more and more grace as he’s shown up over and over to put that beautiful body on the line in homoerotic wrestling.
Max Powers stretches out Chris’ hot, long body and highlights that bulging package
Christian earned his title as reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of his ring match (wrestling as “Chris Cox“) against muscle bully Max Powers for Rock Hard Wrestling. As powerful and stimulating a sight as Max’s muscled body is, it’s Christian’s wrestling, suffering, and bulging package that make this straight-up wrestling match so freakin’ homoerotically hot!
(l) Christian Taylor and (r) Sean Patrick
As far as I can tell, Christian made his homoerotic wrestling debut, and has appeared most, wrestling for BG East. BG East has also featured some of his sexiest and most overtly homoerotic work, which is clearly a strong suit of BG East. Particularly in the physical shape Christian has been in for his most recent wrestling products, I can’t help but think of him as a new edition of classic BG East tall, cool drink of water, Sean Patrick. According to their published stats, Christian is just about an inch taller and a little heavier than Sean, but they’re both built similarly. I’d expect to see the looks of Christian on the cover of a magazine sooner than I’d expect to see (albeit handsome) Sean, but they have similar genetics.  And both of these lovely lean wrestlers have/had a similar not-so-secret weapon in their matches: opponents seem to melt when either of these handsome hotties lock their lips on them.
Austin Raines welcomes Christian to the world of
homoerotic wrestling in BG East’s Undagear 13

The wrestling “lip lock” is a move that I relish in homoerotic wrestling. I know that not everyone is with me on this, but unconditionally, when hard, hot, sweaty wrestling morphs into aggressive kissing and passionate groping, it sends my kink firing on all cylinders! And reviewing Christian’s resume (at BG East) makes it quite obvious that one opponent after another has tasted his lovely lips sooner or later in match after match.

Christian sucks the fight out of Blaine Janus in Undagear 15

Like Sean Patrick, when Christian’s mouth makes contact with an opponent, it seems to sap the battle right out of them. Who can stay focused on a fight when a hunk like Christian distracts you with a lingering lip lock? On top, on the bottom, in the heat of battle or as post-match foreplay, the beauty of battlers aroused by their wrestling and sucking face hot and heavy is an essential analogy to what turns me on at my core.

In Wrestleshack 12, Tim Sheridan seems unconcerned about being
put to his back once Christian starts to toy with his nipples and kiss him.

Of course, if it were just making out, I’d be entertained, but it wouldn’t exactly feed my kink. I enjoy seeing guys with their tongues down each other’s throats, but what arouses me most powerfully is watching hunks face off, throw down, crush and slam one another, and within that context, wrestlers driven to distraction by their own lustful lips tasting one another makes my ears whistle with the dramatic redistribution of blood flow in my body.

Christian neutralizes Tim’s bearhug in an instant

Christian’s wrestling gives me the impression that he “gets it” intuitively. I’m certain that there are plenty of wrestlers who punch the clock in homoerotic wrestling, earning the cash but not owning the kink.  That isn’t a problem, in and of itself, for me. As long as they can sell what I’m buying, my imagination and discerning eye can take from homoerotic wrestling all that I need, whether or not the antagonists walk away owning it for themselves. But Christian is one of the hotties that sells so well, either from the inside out or outside in, that I can’t help but think that he’s in “our” camp both on screen and off.

Kid Karisma conquers Christian, knocks him out cold, and then can’t resist
employing some mouth-to-mouth “resuscitation” 

And as someone I like to think of as “one of us,” what a delight it is to identify with Christian for all of the crazy, enviable positions he’s had the opportunity to find himself in on the mat and in the ring.

In Wet & Wild 5, Kid K buries Christian’s face
in his crotch long and hard.

Getting called out and absolutely owned by the likes of my reigning undisputed favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy), Kid Karisma, is enviable enough. But the sight of Christian’s face shoved in Kid’s K’s crotch, squeezed between the charismatic one’s pumped, muscled thighs, and then lip-locked in post-match foreplay is like jolts of electricity shooting through my body (the good kind).  And then, as Kid K lets his opponent lean his half-a-foot taller frame on him as they head into the sunroom, Christian stretches his mile long arm and platter-sized hand down and squeezes that epic muscle ass of Kid K’s! Holy shit! I’m so envious that I could start to hate my homoerotic wrestler of the month just a little.

Christian makes drop-dead gorgeous fantasyman Alexi Adamov
scream like his bitch in “Who’s Next?”

And what’s not to be insanely jealous of when you see Christian straddling sexy Alexi Adamov’s tanned, toned muscle body, nearly ripping the Russian’s shoulders out of their sockets, and sitting back on Alexi’s bodacious bubble butt to listen to the babyface scream!?  So he didn’t get a liplock on the Russian, but hot damn, a fellow wrestling kinkster putting it all on the line in the BG East backyard against the likes of pristine prettyboy fantasyman Alexi makes me absolutely ache with lust!

Jake Jenkins makes every inch of Christian suffer in
Wet & Wild 6
And it’s no wonder Christian keeps hanging out by the pool, when the likes of Kid Karisma and then Jake Jenkins show up for a wet and wild bully showdown!  Then contrast of sizes and body types between Christian and Jake makes my jaw drop. Jake’s 5’7″ muscle packed mat body tying up and twisting the infinitely long, graceful, powerful lines of Christian’s 6’2″ physique is a visual masterpiece. Someone like Christian with a proven track record of getting off on the eroticism of wrestling, paired with the intensely sincere amateur-come-pro likes of straight-up dominator Jake, is guaranteed to transport me from this side of the screen onto that very match, feeling it ache every ounce as much as Christian suffers.

Christian and real-life lover Skip are passionately merciless with one another
in Sexy Showdown 6

And damn, what could be hotter than to get paired with your very own real life lover, showing up in the BG East mat room to wrestle in a product that’s destined to be entitled “Sexy Showdown 6?” The torque that these two work up on each other’s joints, the humiliating domination that they exchange, paired with a genuine romance and physical lust for one another that spills over off the mat is like a homoerotic wrestling kinkster’s anthem. Taking Skip Vance, making him hurt, taking some punishment from him and then squeezing out a final fall, once-and-for-all (until they get home) victory over the man he’ll wake up in the morning next to in bed is fucking awesome!

And an adorably sweet smile!? My homoerotic wrestler of the month
has it ALL going on!

I’m entirely ready to admit that I could be completely wrong about the backstory that I’ve convinced myself to fill in for hot hunk Christian Taylor (aka Chris Cox). He could totally be punching the clock. He could be an asshole narcissist with an ego that can barely squeeze it’s way into the BG East matroom. He could be a body facist, condescending, frigid bastard who knows precisely the worth of his every asset and how to exploit a homoerotic wrestling audience like a maestro waving a baton. But I don’t think so. And more importantly, I don’t believe so. Because Christian has sold me, lock, stock and barrel, on a fully formed, deeply arousing, fantastically entertaining through-story, and whatever he gets up to off camera, when he’s on camera I’m entranced and fully engaged.  So it’s no wonder at all that he’s joined the ranks of those who’ve so completely captured and controlled my lusts on their way to earning the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month.
Mike Martin is instantly under Christian’s spell in
incredibly sexy Undagear 18 

Nicely played, Christian. Nicely played.

Public Service Announcement:

wrestlebard6 Comments
This is Eli Black’s world. You just live in it.

True story: Out of the blue, a few days ago I got an instant message from Primus himself, Eli Black. He said that I’d “probably want to mention on your site that April is ‘Eli Black Month.” Well, hello to you, too, Eli! To what do we owe the honor of celebrating Eli Black Month? Turns out in April it’s going to be raining Eli! And when it rains Eli, it pours!

Eli’s arm raised in victory in the steel cage last weekend

To kick off Eli Black Month, just days ago the Shutdown did his magic all over some unlucky punk on his way to winning a 2nd round submission with a rear naked choke in his most recent MMA fight. For real.  All that muscle and all that attitude don’t just entertain us troops of fans. He’s also one seriously dangerous pit bull in the cage. Can you imagine having that muscled warrior wrapped around you from behind, squeezing you between his legs and slowly, precisely crushing your windpipe with his forearm? Hell. And yes.

UCW’s XanJey grabs a handful of Primus

Eli unilaterally designated April as his month because he’s also got his fine, fine, fine ass due to appear in one wrestling match after another for our corner of the wrestling audience. First up, catch Joe’s review of Eli’s debut appearance at UCW. I haven’t seen the match yet, but Joe has posted a pic of Eli’s opponent crushing Primus’ balls, and his green trunks are clearly wedged way, way up that gorgeous ass Eli’s not shy about mentioning. Truth be told, I’ve heard a little shit about UCW that’s kept me away, but Eli Black on the docket is bringing them some class and a second look from me.

Exclusive shot of the action at RHW: Eli ripping Austin in half (and loving it)

Are an MMA victory and a UCW debut enough to make this Eli Black Month? Don’t answer until you hear this: Just a couple days ago, Rock Hard Wrestling released their latest product, featuring a match up that makes my mouth water just thinking about it: Eli facing Austin Cooper. Eli is giving up 30 pounds to beefy golden boy Austin. He gets rocked (literally) to a first fall submission, those mind-boggling abs stretched so sweetly across Austin’s meaty thigh in an OTK backbreaker, only to inspire Eli to get down and dastardly for a round 2 mauling of Austin’s impressive abs (but let’s face it, he’s no Eli Black). Check Joe at Ringside at Skull Island for the definitive review (I’ll have more to add in a couple days), but holy shit, Austin lifts, tosses, slams, and basically shot-puts Primus all over the place! In the ropes, hanging upside down in the turnbuckle… sweet man alive, Eli takes a hell of a beating and keeps bouncing back for more!

Eli’s rear choke makes Jake Jenkins reconsider the wisdom of this rematch

So an MMA victory, a UCW debut, and a Rock Hard pretty boy pounding? But wait, there’s more! When Eli talked about some of his then-unreleased matches for BG East in my interview in February, it was his re-match against muscle stud Jake Jenkins that caught my (and several readers’) attention first. The advanced release promotional pics that the boys at BG East generously let me post illustrated the best news I’ve heard in months: this is a jockstrap match! I have to think it was a crush of calls from fans desperate to taste this promised delicacy for themselves that resulted in BG East releasing this visual feast of a match as part of Mat Rookies 1 in their just moments ago published catalog 92.

Coming and going: April is Eli Black Month

An MMA victory, a UCW debut, a Rock Hard ring match, and an epic (and extremely rare) BG East rematch with body beautiful Jake Jenkins!? To top it off, Eli gave me the heads up that his birthday is also in April. As always, it’s just hard to argue (or at least win an argument) with Eli Black (unless you’re Joe, then it seems like it’s hard not to argue with Eli!). With the body of evidence Eli has presented, along with the additional sentimental fact that the Shutdown is about to celebrate a birthday, I just can’t come to any other conclusion. So just sit back, turn on, tune in, and just concede the facts: April is, indeed, “Eli Black Month.”

Stop and Double-Take

wrestlebard3 Comments
Eli Black, aka Shutdown, aka Primus, aka Amazing
February is a short month to reign as top homoerotic wrestler, but Eli Black certainly hit the ground running with his recent release for Rock Hard Wrestling, delightfully schooling body beautiful Alexi “Drago-lite” Ivanov in the brutal realities of post-Cold War combat. Eli scolded me a bit for covering some of the same ground as in his interview with Joe, when I asked him about what aspects of his rocking rock hard body he’s most proud of.  Technically, Joe asked Eli about how it was to work for Rock Hard Wrestling (this was prior to BG East’s release of Gut Bash 9), during which Eli took the opportunity to appreciate how RHW makes his “picture-perfect eight-pack abs and that amazing and stunning ass” look so incredible. So my question wasn’t exactly old news, but I wasn’t about to try to correct Eli Black! I’ll leave that to much more accomplished hands (like Jake Jenkins, Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise, etc.). And God help them when they try…
Jake put Eli’s divinely sculpted 8-pack on display.

In any case, Eli once again sang the praises of his astonishingly hard washboard and his luscious ass. So as the days wind down in February, I want to echo, once again, what I said to Eli. His abs and his ass are also at the top of my list of favorite elements to the stunning fight physique that Eli has crafted.
Morgan tried to tenderize Eli’s cement core.
Why worry about sculpting a zero-fat granite sculpture like Eli’s? Of course, Eli answered that question for us as well. The better to take a beating, in the unlikely event, and bounce right back to be ready to climb into the ring and come back swinging. Eli’s body is clearly devoted to one task, and one task alone: to be as hard and strong as physically possible. So sure, Morgan pounded the living shit out of Eli’s washboard until his anatomy chart core was a deep, throbbing red. I have no doubt in the least that Eli was roaring to climb back into the ring the next morning, ready to take what he’d learned from getting caught by a surprise spear from the Mastodon and incorporate it into Eli’s own brutally dangerous game plan.
Eli’s ass is certainly eye-catching!

 And that ass! “Pow,” indeed! I throw around the term “bubble butt” far too freely around here, I’ll be the first to admit. I like a powerful, round, more than a couple handfuls of gluteus maximus any day. But Eli’s divinely sculpted ass has no resemblance at all to a bubble butt. Like every other inch of his physique, it’s hard, without an ounce of wasted mass. There’s nothing bubbly about Eli, from his tunnel vision focus on victory to his rock hard, lean butt. But unlike some endurance athletes who seem to whittle their glutes down to being flat as a board, Eli’s got the genetics to sport both zero bodyfat and a truly gorgeous, aesthetic, curvaceous, meaty ass! These cheeks could crack walnuts and look oh, so good doing it!

Eli looked primed to fuck up (or just fuck) Russian muscleboy Alexi.

I got the impression from my interview with Eli, and from Joe’s interview before that, that Eli Black is ready to do whatever it takes to get the point across: that he’s the best. His description of what he’s prepared to do if Attila Dynasty ever tries to recapture Eli’s face between Attila’s dangerous thighs (in an as yet unreleased match for BGE) was profoundly moving for me. He’s going to drive his elbow up Attila’s lean, mean ass; then he’ll ambush Dynasty whenever he climbs into the ring against another opponent, in order to beat them both senseless and shove the third man’s fist up Attila’s ass. Good fucking God! Eli Black’s playbook sounds like a combination of the movie Caligula and classic indy pro. Now that is an inspired homoerotic wrestling imagination!

Cannot WAIT to see Jake and Eli’s world class asses hit the mat!
And I suspect I hardly need to point out to anyone the provocative suggestion that Eli made when I asked him about seeing the preview pics of him wrestling a rematch with hunk stud Jake Jenkins in jock straps. When Jake decided to strip down to next to nothing, Eli took it as a personal challenge to follow suit. “I’ll wrestle naked,” Eli stated boldly in our interview, “just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in Greek times.”  I, for one, am not about to question Eli Black’s sincerity or the strength of his convictions, so I believe him 100% when he says he’s willing to wrestle naked. This, of course, begs the question of when a wrestling promotion is going to put Eli in front of a wrestler who will deliver the full monty challenge that we’re all now holding our breath for?! So many hot, naked wrestlers to choose from, I’m not sure who to recommend. How about dangling raw, fresh meat in front of this raging bull like Tyrell Tomsen or Christian Taylor? Or how about put him in the expert hands of Kid Vicious or Cage Thunder? Primus says he’s ready to battle like the Greeks, and someone needs to take him at his word!
Eli’s got plans, don’t doubt it for a second!
Eli Black has depths that have yet to be plumbed. He’s fierce, brash, potentially reckless, even, so I hope he doesn’t burn out prematurely. If he takes his knocks and sticks it out, I can’t help but believe every word of what Eli predicts for himself. He’ll be running the show (with an iron fist, no doubt) before all is said and done!

Primus

wrestlebard4 Comments
When Eli Black powered into the title of my homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of his appearance last month for Rock Hard Wrestling, followed quickly by his debut match release for BG East, I decided to see if I could track him down for a follow-up interview to his barnburner verbal fencing match (or brawl) with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island. Despite his stated reluctance to grant me this interview, Eli actually seemed pretty open to the idea from the start, and let’s face it, Eli Black loves to talk about Eli Black! Since everything was going my way for this little project, I decided to press my luck and approach the boys at BG East to see if they had any cutting room floor shots of Eli’s match with Morgan Cruise. To my shocked delight, in what I think might be a first ever pre-release of shots from as yet unseen BG East matches, Kid Leopard himself sent me some exclusive, never before published photos of Eli in three yet to be released bouts, with permission to share them here! I get the impression that BG East is thrilled to have this ferociously ambitious tiger by the tail. He kept me on my toes during this interview. He makes some extremely bold predictions for his future success in homoerotic wrestling. And combined with seeing the punishment he can dish out and take, my conversation with Eli has made me that much more infatuated with this fierce, rock hard, seriously dangerous hottie!
———-
Eli Black – ripped, roaring and ready to conquer the world!

Bard: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me, Eli. I read your interview with Joe over at his blog Ringside at Skull Island and I was feeling a little intimidated. Your conversation with Joe seemed to get a little testy. Are you and he still on speaking terms?

Eli: I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to take this interview, but as far as speaking terms, you’ll see if he ever writes anything bad on me again.

Bard: Well, I’m that much more grateful that you did take this interview! I just watched your debut match with BG East against big bruiser Morgan Cruise. Holy shit, Eli! Your body is ripped to shreds! What’s the secret of staying at that level of conditioning?

Eli competes in MMA as well as as his sights
set on RHW and BGE!

Eli: Ugh!! Morgan Cruise, the hamasta pussy. Let me just say first of all that whole match was bull shit! Cheap shots left and right. I can’t wait till I see him again. Oh my God I… hate!!!… losing!!!! He’s got it coming. But I work hard on my body, with various circuit work outs from speed to power to stimulate my muscle, to be primed and ready to take beatings in case I end up taking a b.s. beating like this match was. My recovery that way is rapid and gets me back in the ring ready for more, unlike the rest of the out of shape pussies who are cheap pieces of shit.

Bard: Well your fitness is incredible, and the work you’re doing in the gym is phenomenal to see in the ring! So speaking of your match with Morgan, it certainly looks to me like you’re toying with the big kid in the opening moments. He’s flat-footed, slow, and I get the impression that you could put him on his back in a split second. With your MMA background, do you find it hard not to open up a can of full-contact whoop-ass in the world of pro wrestling?

Eli: [laughing] Yeah, I definitely can’t help myself but go. Whether I’m toying with someone or in a grudge match, I’m really good at finding a weakness in my opponents. And in Morgan’s case I could kick and strike him all day long, but once he speared me, he caught me way off guard, which was unusual for me. But I’m more than positive when it’s me and him again, he’s done! But yeah, I definitely toyed with him in the beginning. I mean there’s no one out there with my skills, so why be scared?

The Mastodon drives Eli into the
corner

Bard: I have no trouble believing that for an instant! I’ve noticed that Morgan has been calling himself “The Mastodon” in his bid to be the next big, bad heel at BG East. Other than him being hairy and, compared with you, slow, I’m not really sure his nickname really says a lot about him. Now that you’ve seen him up close, what nickname would you pick for him?

Eli: Like I said earlier, “masta pussy!” Even so, I wouldn’t even say that he’s huge! He’s not insanely strong. He’s nothing special. I am just gonna say “No Name,” because I don’t have time to waste on giving that cheap ass a nickname. Next time I see his ugly ass, I’ll make sure to cover his face up with his own underwear, with a sign on his back sayin, “Eli Black: I don’t want that!,” because of how horribly I’m going to destroy him! Other than that, his nickname is just plain stupid, and if I were his reflection in the mirror I’d laugh in his face!

Bard: I know a whole army of your fans who would line up to see you do all of that! What’s a good nickname that your fans should call you?

Eli: Hmmm, I like to think I “shutt” down my opponents, so it’s only fair to say Eli “the Shutdown” Black. What ya think about that? Amazing? Yeah, I know. I can be known as that too!

Bard: Both options sound excellent to me! So Eli “the Shutdown” Black, I hope you don’t mind if I ask another question about your body, because it’s quite a favorite topic of mine lately. With a body as amazing as yours, I can imagine it might be hard to decide, but what part of your body are you proudest of?

Eli: Hmmm, well in my other interview I did have a similar question, and since then, other than me getting even tighter and harder than before, it’s still an out of the park easy answer: my picture perfected 8-pack (sculpted by the gods themselves), and my ass that will make anyone stop and double-take more than once. And once again, I give it all to God for giving me this cement block for me to be sculpted the way I am.

Bard: Your 8-pack and your ass top my list of favorite parts of your body as well! I’m also a big fan of body art, so I love your tats. The colorful tat down your ribcage quickly caught my eye. It looks fierce, but I can’t make out what it says. Any special significance to that or any of your other tats?

Number one, the highest ranking, aka the best

Eli: Well, the one on my ribs says “primus,” meaning number one, or the highest ranking, aka the best. The one on my thigh is the outline of the best wrestling state in the world, PA. And the one behind my arm says faith, but if you look closer you’ll see behind it in red is a Chinese reading of the saying “blood, sweat, and tears,” representing what I do and believe in. And on my back, you have my Pitt panther.

Bard: Awesome art, and very cool to see how each piece speaks to your passions and strengths. I think “Primus” could easily be another excellent nickname for you. So when I mentioned to Kid Leopard at BG East that you’d agreed to do this interview, he graciously sent me some exclusive, advanced preview pics of a few matches that you’ve wrestled for BG East that have yet to be released. First, let me say that you look incredible in every shot! Second, I’m immediately drawn to the evidence that BG East gave you a second shot at evening the score with Jake Jenkins after he defeated you over at RHW. What was it like facing Jake for the second time?

In a cage, in the ring, on the mat… Eli “Primus” Black is a triple threat!

Eli: Hmm, I guess Primus would be a good one. You can take credit for that and start it for me, why don’t ya? And yeah, Kid Lep is probably one of the only straight forward wrestlers I’ve met so far. But yes, for all my fans, I got another crack at Jake, and when I say it was once again a match of the year, I left no room for disappointment. You’ll all be out your seats when you see how I do this time around! You ask anyone at BG. I fought everyone to get that rematch with li’l Jake. He tried to get out of the rematch, but like I said, only if you’re lucky! And I mean if you’re lucky enough to beat me, you’ll regret it, because I will get you again, and when you see this match when it’s released you’ll see what I do the 2nd time around.

Down to jocks, Eli is determined to exact revenge
all over Jake’s hot muscled body.
Bard: Cannot wait! The shots Kid Leopard sent look like you’re on the mats, and you start in singlets, but at some point you’re both down to jock straps. Good God, man, that’s a hot set-up!
That ass will command a double-take any day!

Eli: Yeah, he was scared to step in the ring with me again, so I said, “Hey, you have a wrestling back ground like me (just not as successful [laughing]), so let’s get on the mats. While we’re out there, I guess he thought he had a better body than me, and decided to take his singlet down, and I instantly complied by pulling mine down. I’ll wrestle naked, just like they did it in the beginning of wrestling in the Greek times.

Eli’s got the noose tightening around Jake’s neck!

Bard: Pure gold, Primus! And it’s further evidence of what you’ve said about your divinely blessed ass! I cannot wait for that release! I also see that you faced off against a couple of the up-and-coming resident pretty boys of BG East. Attila Dynasty has been squeezing the will to fight out of his opponents between those surprisingly devastating legs of his. Any lasting memories of Attila that you have?

Eli’s got something in mind if Attila ever tries this again!
Eli has Attila all tied up.

Eli: Honestly that whole match is a blur, but if that little pussy Attila ever tries to put my face remotely close to his ass again, I will shove my elbow deep in it next time. Then I’ll jump in the middle of one of his matches and beat the shit out them both, and then shove whoever else was in the ring’s hand up his ass!!!!!

Bard: Personally, I’d love to see some serious shit get thrown down at BG East! First, I’ll send you $10 for elbowing Attila up the ass, and second, I’ll send you another $10 for interfering with his next match to fuck him up some more! Damn, I doubt BG East has any idea quite yet just how high you’re ready to climb!

Eli: I will say that BG East is definitely a whole different world of pro wrestling. Full of cheap ass cheaters and pussies who can only win by taking the easy way out with dirty tricks.  Rock Hard is a little more straightforward, less low blows and dirty shit, and they actually like to battle it out to be a true champion. But I’m not going to make excuses. I will overcome it all and be the champ for all wrestling, and I will go in the history books as the best, because I am the best! I train the best. I will beat the best, and I will show every one how to be the best, and what it takes to be…. Eli……… Black!!!

Bard: Hot damn, Eli! You’ve got me convinced and bursting with anticipation of seeing your master plan play out!  Your take on the differences between RHW and BGE is fascinating. I think I remember from your interview with Joe that you didn’t have a very high estimation of the scene at Rock Hard, either. Both venues have dealt you some hard knocks, but it sounds like you see the need for different strategies to accomplish your goal of conquering them both.

Eli: Yeah, Rock Hard has a bunch of two-faced snobs, but they’re not as dirty as the BG East pussies are. But yes, I will conquer it all, and I’m going to drag every one of my opponents behind me with a noose tied around their necks!

Pretty Chace LaChance does some
chiropractic work on Eli

Bard: Well, no one can say that they weren’t warned about you! I noticed there’s a shot of you wrestling Chace LaChance. I think Chace is probably the most ridiculously pretty wrestler you’ve faced. He’s talked some trash about being a boxer, but I just can’t believe a pretty face like his has ever seriously boxed. Please tell me that you left him significantly less pretty after your ring match!

Eli: No comment on him, but he was nothing that would make me think he ever boxed! Threw a punch at a pillow!!! And I would say he’s not gonna be so pretty on your scale when you see him after this match, regardless of the outcome.

Bard: I’ll take that as a promise, and again, I can’t wait to see that match! So despite having faced a whole lot of guys who did not impress you, if you had to pick one of your former opponents as a tag team partner, who would you pick?

Eli: As much as I hate to say it (and you need to understand I HATE it!), it would have to be Jake Jenkins, only because we both are similar in the way we make shit look good. We both do the work, and he’d be the only one I’d give any type of credit to.

Bard: I can’t say enthusiastically enough how I can certainly see how you and Jake make shit look good! I also have to think that the two of you would be a buzz saw through the unlucky ranks of RHW or BG East. So, you’ve been generous with squeezing this interview in, and I really appreciate it. Before I let you go, I’m wondering if you can talk a bit about what it’s like for you to have a growing group of seriously loyal fans who are tearing up the discussion boards singing your praises. You’ve made a huge impression on a lot of us fans in a pretty short time on the scene!

Eli Black makes shit look good!

Eli: I will say, and this will be the nicest thing you’ll ever here me say, that I love my fans. Believe it or not, as long as you like hardcore matches with great footage and moves and me doing what I do, I will always perform! Don’t doubt it. Keep talking me up. It makes me just wanna push harder!!!! And I have no limits!!!

Bard: That’s a challenge that I and a whole bunch of Eli “Primus” Black fans will be happy to accept! Win, lose or draw, there are a bunch of us crazy for more, and I suspect once we see that jockstrap match with Jake, you’re going to be getting more buzz than you can imagine! We’ll be happy to keep doing our part, as long as you’re keeping up your hot work and working that gorgeous ass of yours! Thanks so much for your time, and I hope we can talk again as you keep tearing up the wrestling scene!

Eli: Thank you. It was a better time than the last one. Just look forward to seeing me push harder and harder! I will never let you down.

Bard: Awesome!

Hotter Than I Can Imagine

wrestlebard14 Comments
Yesterday something momentous happened. This is something that just doesn’t happen often. It played out like this… I posted yesterday on Kid Karisma’s report back to me that Austin Cooper was not the sore loser whose ego just couldn’t tolerate getting owned by Kid K. Apparently, there’s still some as yet unreleased match between Kid K and an opponent who walks away seriously pissed. Most of the time, Kid K assures us, once he’s dominated a lucky hunk in the ring, there are no hard feelings. Typically, roughed up egos are soothed with Kid’s classic concoction of karisma and commitment to bacchanalian delights. They all go out partying together once club gear replaces boots, kneepads and trunks. As is the norm, Kid Karisma revealed yesterday, Austin was out partying with Kid K soon enough after their recently released ring match for Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight DVD.
Kid Karisma can read my mind
As is my way, this sent my imagination into overdrive, picturing these two ripped, gorgeous, hot as hell young hunks tearing up the dance floor side-by-side.  With hatchets buried, Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper hitting the clubs and shaking their respective world class asses together was instantly an image that possessed my imagination with an iron grip.  Then, as if reading my mind, I received this pic from Kid K:
Kid and Coop on the dance floor before the party begins

Turns out, Kid K and Austin beat my imagination to the punch. This is apparently a shot of the two of them early on in an evening out clubbing, studying themselves in a wall of mirrors. It doesn’t look like there are many fellow-partyers yet there, but ohmygod what lucky, lucky (luckyluckylucky) bastards were those who walked onto the dance floor that night to see the sculpted physiques of Kid Karisma and Austin Cooper doing my 3rd most favorite thing to do with hard, hot bodies like theirs!

In my imagination yesterday, I had suggested that the only thing that could make that scene any hotter was to throw Jake Jenkins into the mix to form a perfect storm of blond, red-headed, and brunette hunkiness that would surely bring fellow partiers to their knees.  A short time later, I received this little treasure guaranteed to drive me insane:

Now the party can really begin!!!

I do believe in a god, because the karismatic one answered a prayer that I hadn’t even dared to voice out loud. I suppose that may make this threesome the holy trinity, but I’m going to stop the religious analogies there before I get complaints from the devout fringe who may read this blog. I may be too old and not nearly pretty enough to get in the door of any club that might be the setting to see this truly awe-inspiring scene of gorgeous bodies, but having one prayer answered already, my next prayer is to see something like this in person before I die. The smiles on their glassy-eyed faces are making me melt as I see superimposed overtop of them the picture of Austin pounding the shit out of Jake in their jockstrap BGE debut Ripped Rookies… and Kid Karisma tying Jake’s spine like a bow around the ring post in their No Mercy Hunkbash… and what I can only imagine will be a feast for the eyes to watch Kid K and Austin’s new release for Austin’s Wrestler Spotlight (which I’ll be enjoying soon!).

Crowning a New Champion: Kid Karisma

The answer to prayers (or the reading of my mind) by Kid Karisma and his camera isn’t actually the momentous event that I mentioned to start this post. Following up on a fantastically hot, candid, provocative interview to start 2012, the stunning beauty of Kid K and Austin’s match in still frame, and these behind the scenes shots of three of the most gorgeous young homoerotic wrestlers in action today, something even more momentous happened: Kid Karisma knocked Lon Dumont out of the spot of my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy)! Lon has absolutely owned that title for ages, and I’m still awfully devoted to him as he remains top contender to retake the title, but without a Lon release in Catalog 91 and with Kid K fulfilling my fantasies before I even have them, there’s just no doubt about it. There’s a fiery, no shit, hardbodied, blue-eyed, freckle-faced, red-headed rugby player turned homoerotic wrestler in undisputed ownership of the title of my favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy division): Kid Karisma.