Author: wrestlebard

I'm a gay man with an active imagination.

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

wrestlebard4 Comments

It’s time to honor another homoerotic wrestler who captured my imagination and excited me the most for appearing in a match released in the prior month. The field of contenders this time around is almost paralyzingly deep. BG East alone has populated the potential prize winners with one of the richest catalogs I can remember. From Strip Stakes 3, both gorgeous rookie Damien Rush and rising heel Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise easily secure nominations. From Catch Weight 5, reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (porn-boy) Skrapper and his fanatsyman muscle beast opponent, Dev Michaels get credit where credit is most definitely due. Lovely underwear model Rio Garza gets a nomination for his Very Bad Day, getting fucked up sequentially and in tandem by Bulldog Barzini and his surprisingly inspiring protege, Mike Pitt. I can’t help myself but nomination from Mat Rookies 1 no fewer than 3 of the sexy, sweaty rooks, namely Ben Cohen, former HWOTM Jake Jenkins, and still another former HWOTM, Eli Black. It’ll come as no surprise, considering my recent gushing, that I’m breathlessly nominating rookie-I-don’t-think-so Latino stud, Diego Diaz from Florida Fights 4, as well as former HWOTM Bobby Horton and a new-to-me favorite, Drew Russell. And I’ll be damned if I absolutely can’t help myself but send up both big, luscious bruiser Chris Xaos and his muscle man opponent in combat boots, Rob Chandler, for one of the most homoEROTIC motel tussles, Motel Madness UK. Even with that huge list, I’m already second guessing several of the boys that I’m leaving on the table, but I must charge forward. Turning next to Can-Am, I’m whole-heartedly nominating yet another Latino muscle beast by the name of Thiago Diaz and ripped beyond belief Tyler Reese, for a muscle bashing feast for the eyes in Florida Pro Fights (not to be confused with Diego Diaz starring in BG East’s Florida Fights 4… seriously?). And then I can’t fail to nominate from the Rock Hard Wrestling ranks Eli Black (again) and his opponent, Austin Cooper, as well as former HWOTM Z-Man (aka Zack Johnathan) and muscle tamer extraordinaire, nasty Ethan Andrews.  And finally, an entry from an entirely new source this time around, I’m also nominating my personal crush and recent interviewee, Dan aka Steel Muscle God for his recent release of a muscle pose down, trash-talking, arm wrestling-leads-to no rules jockstrap wrestling on the mats in an unknown European gym (and if I knew the name of his shaved headed muscle beast opponent, I’d throw him a nominating bone as well).

This, my friends, has been a bumper crop of fantastic homoerotic wrestling! I think I’ll remember April 2012 for some time to come, because the new releases this month have kept me dehydrated and distracted from my work from start to finish. If it were even a slightly less competitive month, probably at least 5 of these boys would easily claim the title. But as hard as it is to put some of these incredibly entertaining boys in the back seat, I’m picking just one of them to drive us all forward as new, reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month…

Eli is only the second two-time winner of the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. I trace his lead in the hotly contested race this past month starting right around April 4, when he dropped me the message that I might want to let neverland readers know that April was officially Eli Black month. Why official? Because Eli Black said it was so. Why his month? Because he was about to star simultaneously in new releases for an astonishing 3 different underground wrestling companies at the same time. And he kicked ass in serious MMA competition. And it was his birthday month. Enough said. It was Eli Black month.

Eli rips Austin Cooper in half.

I love, love, love a self-promoting, trash-talking, supremely confident, ripped muscle stud of an athlete, and there may be none to compete with him on all those fronts at the same time (except possibly Kid Karisma… now that would be a combination!). Eli’s match against goldenboy muscle man, Austin Cooper, was an astonishing catch weight wonder to behold. Eli quite literally got shot-putted halfway across the ring (multiple times), repeatedly slammed, stomped and pummeled corner-to-corner, tortured in the ropes, cracked and rocked humiliatingly across Austin’s knee… and still Primus kept clawing his way back for more.  RHW captures so well Eli’s face when he’s on top, making an opponent hurt, and he’s nothing short of ecstatic as he watches the agony he’s administering contort his opponent’s face.  Eli large and in charge drives me wild, but Eli taking an epic mauling and clawing back on his hands and knees to stare defeat defiantly in the face turns me into a quivering mess.

When the rules of amateur wrestling start to get bent, things get really interesting!

But truth be told, it’s Eli’s rematch against Jake Jenkins in Mat Rookies 1 that put the distance between Eli and the rest of the pack to propel him across the finish line first as homoerotic wrestler of the month.  Eli conceded in my recent interview with him that he has a grudging respect for Jake, and if he was forced to take a tag team partner, it’s be him. Watching Mat Rookies 1 gives you the context for that comment. After Jake schooled Eli hard for his rookie debut at RHW, they show up for this rematch on the mats for BG East. They’re both gorgeous in their singlets, and the initial amateur-style sparring is incredible to watch. They both give running commentaries on the holds and moves, as well as on their relative assessments of how each of them is doing in the match. They’re beautifully matched in both muscle and technical skill. If they’d grown up in the same place, I’m sure they’d have been best buddies, teammates on the wrestling team, and friendly competitors for being feared and adored the most in the cutthroat world of adolescence.

When the singlets come off, the rules go out the window.

But the stakes in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly different than those on the high school wrestling team. When Jake peels out of his sweat-soaked singlet, stripping down to his orange jock strap, Eli sees it for what it is: just another challenge. Not to be outdone by the beautiful physique of handsome, young Jake, Eli shrugs out of his singlet straps and strips down to his white jock strap, insisting that just like his wrestling, his body is better than Jake’s as well.

Nobody seems to be able to resist gut punching that wall of rippled muscle!

Locked in bare-assed combat, the boys demonstrate why amateur wrestling skills take you only so far once you’ve reached the ranks of underground homoerotic wrestling.  Amateur wrestling doesn’t offer the opportunity to see two bare-assed hardbodies pick each other up by the hair and slam one another into walls (I’d be much, much more into amateur wrestling if they did). Jake and Eli didn’t learn ab claws and gut punching and suspended surfboards and over-the-knee backbreakers from high school wrestling practice. Fortunately for us, they picked it up elsewhere, and they unleash every above and below board move at one point or another to lay down layer after layer of humiliating domination.

Eli wipes the smirk right off of Jake’s face with a bare-handed choke.

Jake is the smart-ass in this match. He smirks a lot. He laughs off clearly painful holds that Eli applies. He intentionally goads the rookie, questioning his manhood. His psychological strategy, for the most part, is to stay ice cool regardless how hot the contest heats up, letting rash, short-tempered Eli burn himself out and run himself into a corner with impetuosity.  Every time Jake muscles his way on top and controls Primus, he snorts and chortles, building the psychologically dominating argument that he’s destined to beat Eli.

Jake threatens to snap Eli in half.

But I have to admit that Eli’s half-centimeter long fuse is what soaks up my attention. He rides his rage like he’s in a rodeo. He counts up every indignity that he suffers at Jake’s hands in order to keep a running tally of the humiliation that he must, he will, he is destined to eventually return with interest paid. In the past, I’ve mentioned this notion of a wrestler staying “present” as something that turns me on and just isn’t always something you can count on, but Eli’s focus is like a laser beam. I forget that there had to be at least one or two other guys crammed into the mat room that day to film this gem, primarily because Eli is one fiercely focused mother fucker!

Shades of Brad Rochelle from Wrestlefest 2, Jake is ready to bag and tag his prey.

Both of these boys work… their… ASSES off in this match, which is also something that can’t be assumed. And by the time Jake hoists Eli across his shoulders and parades him around the ring like a stag he’s shot on opening day of hunting season, Eli’s rock hard vulnerability absolutely makes me gasp. All of the nuance and character in the match makes being captured in Jake’s torture rack exquisitely poignant and climactic. The battle has waxed and waned for both combatants, and it’s looked like it’s over many times already.  But finally, it seems like cocky and calm Jake had the winning strategy, letting Eli’s rash rage burn itself right out in a pool of outmuscled sweat and tears. All of Eli’s predictions of how he’s going to conquer the world, tame any foe, and become the franchise look like the dashed dreams of a hero from Greek mythology. Jake is stunningly powerful, and the look of primal joy/rage on his face as he struts around the mat and bounces Eli’s tortured back across his shoulders is the spitting image of another young, muscled frat boy seizing destiny by the balls and settling in for some well-earned self-congratulations.

“Go… to… SLEEP!”

Eli’s done that clawing his way back from the brink of despair that turns me on so hard. He’s battled long and hard. He’s sold me that he’s burned every last ounce of fuel in his tanks (of both physical and psychological stamina). Primus has told me that story that moves me so deeply. And then, holy fuck! He delivers two sharp elbows into Jake’s temple. As Jake stumbles and begins to drop Primus, Eli has captured Jake’s throat with his right arm before his feet have touched the mat. Out of nowhere, Eli locks on a beautifully tight, perfectly positioned sleeper. Jake fights it. The hit of dominating power and fate are still in his nostrils from the torture rack he commanded just moments ago. But ambitious young Eli remains clamped across Jake’s back like a python. Primus is gasping for air, still recovering from the torture rack. As Jake begins to melt in his arms, losing his hold on consciousness, the two sink to the mat with Eli’s cheek resting across the back of Jake’s head. “Go… to… SLEEP!” Eli gasps, almost pleadingly, desperate to put this most challenging rival down once and for all.

Jake dreams of past victories.

Just like in the ranking for HWOTM, Eli comes out on top. Both barely clad boys are nursing their wounds, neither one able to summon the strength to start the long journey out of the mat room. It’s done, as Jake pants desperately, regaining a solid handhold on consciousness and looking up to see Eli clutching his back, clearly still in agony. Grudging respect between these two?  Of course. And what does Eli say to sum up this destined-for-the-hall-of-fame 40 minutes?  “Pussy.” Of course.

Reigning 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month, Eli Black.

So last month was Eli Black month, leading to this month, as Primus returns to the throne of homoerotic wrestler of the month. It’s no wonder to me that he’s got his eye on running the show. He’s one fiercely entertaining, smoking hot wrestler. If I’ve said it once, I’m sure I’ll say it a thousand times. This is Eli Black’s world. You’re just living in it.

Getting it Right… Mostly

wrestlebard1 Comment
Christian Taylor sits back and enjoys the waning hours of being reigning
homoerotic wrestler of the month.

I’ve been angling for a interview with reigning (for another day) homoerotic wrestler of the month, Christian Taylor (aka, Chris Cox).  I’ve never had any contact with said wrestling hunk, however. I have enjoyed the opportunity to correspond with Skip Vance (aka Jeff Hollister), Christian’s boyfriend.  Now, I consider it bad manners to use a guy’s boyfriend to deliver a message to him. That said, when I named Christian as homoerotic wrestler of the month, I decided to be blatantly rude and do just that. I asked Skip if Christian had anything he’d be willing to say on the record here on this blog about his status as HWOTM.

Skip Vance gives me the time of day!

While Skip hasn’t won the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month (yet), he’s an incredibly sexy and astonishingly prolific jobber in his own right who’s appeared a dozen times already in posts on this blog. An opportunity to quote him on these pages would be a get I’d be awfully proud of as well. So I also asked Skip if he had any thoughts about his boyfriend being named homoerotic wrestler of the month.  No word from Christian, but Skip, who seems always to be up for just about anything (damn, that’s hot!), shared some of his thoughts on the subject.

Christian fuels regular workouts with meals lovingly
prepared by Skip.

“That’s awesome,” Skip responded. “It’s nice dating a star [lol].  He works out hard every week and stays in great shape year round. He really enjoys me making him dinner since you never know what’s in other people’s food they cook. He lives for fun and good health.”

“…very confident but a little shy”
Skip went on to let me know how close to the mark I came in my attempt at a psychological profile of Christian.  “So, after reading the article I have to say you got it right mostly,” Skip explains.  “He is always working to make his body better. He is very confident but a little shy. He loves to be outdoors, and if we’re not wrestling, we’re getting ready just in case there is a last minute match. BG East is not just a paycheck for him.  It’s the love of wrestling.”
Skip & Christian are wrestling, or training to wrestle,
non-stop!
Reading between the lines, it seems to me Skip is suggesting that I’m on the money when I speculated that Christian is “in the fold” of those of us tuned into the eroticism of wrestling. Clearly, neither Christian or Skip is punching the clock when they show up on camera slamming and getting slammed and working up a bucket and a half of sweat as they grapple. That the two of them are pretty much always wrestling or training for their next match is my idea of the most perfect homoerotic wrestling romance in history. Again, reading between the lines, I’m guessing where I only got it “mostly” right may be in my completely baseless speculation that Christian might have some (completely unfounded) insecurity about his own body. Skip clarifies that his lovely, long lover is “very confident but a little shy.” Hot damn, that’s a hot combination! And with looks and a wrestling resume like his, it’s no wonder I was on thin ice to suggest that he may not be fully aware of the extent of just how sexy he is.  I happily stand corrected, and to set the record straight, let me clarify that I think that a little shyness paired with a steely self-confidence and pride in having a smoking hot body is definitely the sexiest thing on earth.
Christian’s sexy and he knows it!

As we prepare to say “adieu” for now to Christian Taylor as homoerotic wrestler of the month, let me just make two last clarifications. 1) Skip Vance is absolutely a homoerotic wrestling star in his own right. My asking for a quote from him reflecting on Christian’s mounting the monthly throne was in no way to suggest that Skip is anything less than one of the sexiest screamers in homoerotic wrestling. He’s got a devilish playfulness about him that’s irresistible, and pound for pound, I’m guessing Skip has taken more punishment than almost anybody currently in the business. Add to that the fact that Skip responded to my request for a quote today, and you’ve got one hard-bodied jobber at the top of my list of “friends of neverland.”  And clarification 2), I know full well that my incessant speculation about what’s unstated about the homoerotic wrestlers who populate my playlists is likely often entirely off-base. And if ever, (ever) the subject of my wild speculation wants to set the record straight by taking a few questions to satisfy my prurient interests, all he needs to do is drop me a line anytime.

Practice makes perfect!

Love ya both, boys! Thanks for sharing all the fun!

Eli Black’s World

wrestlebard6 Comments
Go on. Try it.
Today is Eli Black’s birthday. Anyone wanna be first in line to slap that ass? Let me rephrase the question: anyone wanna be first in line to try to slap that ass?!
Eli screams his way to yet another victory in the cage.
Eli celebrated Eli Black month by winning a first round knock out victory in yet another MMA competition last weekend. Just like the boys at BG East, Rock Hard Wrestling, and UCW, Eli’s MMA opponents are learning the hard way to fuck with Eli Black at their own peril. And as an observant reader detected from my last post about Eli, it does indeed appear that he’s sporting some new bright red ink on his left upper arm.

Eli’s rematch with Jake Jenkins (pre-new ink) for BG East is an astonishingly sexy birthday gift for Eli fans. Eli and Jake start with some “practicing” in the mat room, demonstrating that both of these gorgeous hunks come from accomplished amateur backgrounds. They deliver a clinic of amateur holds and throws, each wrestler determined to prove his technical superiority.

The trash talk flies fast and furious from the start, getting hotter and hotter as the minutes tick by. “Maybe you should stop pissing me off,” Jake almost coos.  “Maybe you should stop sucking!” Eli snaps back.

Jake mocks Primus like poking a pit bull with a stick. “Uh oh,” he chuckles, controlling Eli’s back. “What’s about to happen to Eli Black?”  Eli gets more and more pissed by the second. “Stop being a bitch, Jake!”

These boys tell a fantastically compelling story. You know the story. It’s about the rush of testosterone mixed with injured pride. It’s told in sweat and grunts, all the while desperately trying not to look like they’re breaking a sweat or having to work. The story is about getting seriously pissed off at one another, but struggling to maintain their cool, to laugh it off, to look like the hot hunk who just out hustled or outmuscled you isn’t getting in your head.  Well, Jake manages the I’m too cool to look like I’m working bit. Eli isn’t really one who tends to hide it when he’s getting good and pissed off.

Jake just laughs when Eli snaps on a spladle, stretching Jake’s legs apart. “Stretch ’em out a little more,” Jake taunts him.  When Eli obliges, Jake’s back arches and the veins in his neck rise to the surface, but he just smiles. “Quit being a little bitch! I know this hurts,” Eli snarls back.

Jake locks on a headscissors, pulling Eli’s face high up against his ass. “How does that smell?” Jake asks nonchalantly. A few seconds later, the two are stalking one another around the small mat room, and Jake shrugs his big shoulders out of his singlet. “Oh, what,” Eli snaps, “you’re big?” Jake grins ear from ear when he replies, “I’m sexy!” Never to be outdone, never to to fail to see the element of competition in anything in life, Eli quickly sheds his singlet, yelling, “I totally, totally look better than you!”  With Eli standing in nothing but his jock strap and boots, his abs ripped to shreds, Jake gives credit where credit is due. With just a twinge of a sound of surprised respect, Jake murmurs, “Not bad, not bad at all!”

Eli took a hard, humiliating loss in his first time out of the gates for BG East. At RHW, he took a hard, humiliating loss his first time there, as well… to Jake. But the infinitely ambitious, testosterone overdosed hot head Eli is done with his rookie initiations. He spends the next 25 minutes making Jake sweat, scream, and submit. It’s not a walk in the park, and somehow, I can’t imagine Eli would ever bother with something as ridiculously boring as taking a walk in the park. He loves this shit. He loves being challenged. He loves his low boiling rage getting poked and prodded. He loves getting pissed off, because he’s convinced that, like Dr. Bruce Banner, once he completely loses control of his rage, he’s unstoppable and superhuman.  These two toned athletes go at it non-stop, meaner and harder and sweatier with every passing moment. They trade holds and submissions, and they dance along the edge of injuring each other’s bodies along the way to their real goal, crushing each other’s egos. With just a minute left, the tables are still turning back and forth until Eli successfully wipes the grin off of Jake’s handsome face (by choking him out cold), once and for all.

Happy birthday, Eli!

Happy birthday, Eli. You haven’t been on the scene of homoerotic wrestling long, but you’ve already rallied an army of fans who are sincerely happy to have you on board.

Somebody Needs a Step Ladder

wrestlebard2 Comments
A couple of weeks ago, I called out BG East newbie Diego Diaz from Florida Fights 4 as my top still-frame choice of the new blood that I wanted to see in action. Long, gorgeous, untamed wildly curly hair… Diego is no clone. He looks like he eats raw meat and bench presses Smart Cars. And he looks mean. Really, really mean.
6’3″, 184 lbs. Diego Diaz looks mean.
It’s taken me days, quite literally, to manage to see his debut match against Austin Cooper all the way through to the end. I’ve just been getting way too worn out along the way to keep going!  I’m infatuated with this giant of a man, and I’m instantly craving more.
Diego seems to understand the concept of power-bottoming

My post yesterday on the independent self-promotion of Steel Muscle God struck up a back channels conversation with one reader about sexy accents. I’m a sucker for a sexy accent growled out of a deep, bass voice echoing from a powerful chest. Just like SMG, Diego is doing just fine in English as a second language. In fact, for someone who’s apparently not a native speaker, he delivers some of the most entertaining, nearly non-stop trash talk that I’ve seen in a long time!
Diego completely dwarfs 5’9″ Austin
“Let’s see how much fighting you have in those Captain America speedos of yours!” he snarls, stretching his long, long, LONG legs over the top rope as he climbs into the ring.  Last month I mused on the topic of tall men in homoerotic wrestling, and Diego pushes those buttons as well. He’s listed as 6’3″, but his swagger and that bush of slightly insane curls on top of his head make him seem at least three inches taller than that to me. Austin is reportedly a half a foot shorter than Diego, but he comes across as nothing short of juvenile looking up at the towering giant in front of him.
“Tough guy, huh?” a cocky Austin asks. “You know who I am, right?”
Austin suffers altitude sickness throughout the match.
Diego laughs long and indulgently. It’s an evil and genuinely amused laugh that makes me melt. “I really don’t care who you are,” Diego finally growls back with that knee-buckling accent. “I know where you’re heading to. And it’s right here,” the Latin stud drops to one knee and slaps the mat in the middle of the ring. Once again, the recruiters at BG East have done much, much more than comb through the catalogs of unemployed underwear models to sign this so-called “rookie.” This gorgeous giant is dripping with confidence and he gives every impression that he’s spent months on end in the ring long before he stretched his freakishly long legs over the top rope to stand face-to-face (well, face-to-sternum) with Austin. He’s literally walking the top rope within the first 5 minutes of this match, for god’s sake!!!
Austin spends a lot of time looking up in this match.
Austin’s asking for it from t-minus 15 seconds to the very last knock-out blow of this match. It’s the American flag trunks, or, as Diego puts it, “those Captain America speedo.” They seem to bring out the over-inflated, yet somehow sniveling bitch in beefy goldenboy Austin. The curl of his upper lip, the cupie-doll-inspired faux hawk, and his complete disrespect and disregard for his skyscraper of an opponent make it impossible for me not to take deep satisfaction in discovering that Diego is hitting the BG East roster as a ringer. Not 10 minutes into the match, and he’s captured Austin cold in the middle of a flying cross body, catching him like a sack of laundry, hoisting Captain America up across his upper chest, and then heaving Austin’s beautifully muscled body a good 8 feet across the ring. “You need to stop with this bullshit!” Diego scolds him. “This ain’t for kids; do you know what I’m saying!?”
Diego exploits gravity with a spine-busting leg drop from  the heavens.
Austin tries not to respond to Diego’s barrage of trash talk. Perhaps he doesn’t understand the accent. I for one, understand Diego loud and clear. His #1 tool in his tool belt is dropping any pointed thing he can find (a fist, an elbow, a knee) down onto Austin’s abs from the stratospheric heights that this Latino giant inhabits. His second most effective tool (though, I have to say, it’s my #1 favorite move to see a giant like this apply) is using those mile long legs to scissor Captain America, rolling him back and forth, front to back, slamming him face-first and then back-first into the mat. Austin screams like a bitch, kicking his feet pointlessly. A third strategy that looks like it could seriously send Austin to the hospital is the assault on his core from repeated shoulder blocks that Diego spears into him when he’s trapped in the corners. Diego’s feet leave the mat around the middle of the ring in order to turn the Latino giant into a projectile for delivering blunt force trauma.
Diego Diaz makes an impact with every inch of his 6’3″
Austin gets 1 pin fall and 1 submission out of the big man, both relying on underhanded tricks and out-and-out cheating. He wraps Diego up into a small (huge) package and slaps down a rapid fire 3-count like he’s pounding out a drum roll. The surprise fall infuriates Diego, as he chases a fleeing, cowardly Austin outside the ring to exact revenge. “No one’s going to play me like that!” Diego barks ominously. When Austin has a shred of momentum a little later, he retreats outside the ring again to do his damnedest to fuck up Diego’s knee. Pounding it into the corner of the ring apron, hanging the Latino hunk by it from the middle rope, and then latching on a ball-crushing figure-4 leg lock with Diego astonishingly straddling the ring post (this move brought to you by the freakishly hot genetics of 6’3″ Diego).
Austin knows that unless he maims the big man permanently, he’s in deep shit.
Defenders of the stars and stripes will not be proud of the tactics that our goldenboy resorts to in order to even the score in this match. He is, as Diego points out, a “coward” and a “bitch.” So when Austin starts tiring out climbing up Mt. Everest over and over, there’s some sweet satisfaction in seeing Diego start to hammer down and humiliate the goldenboy severely. The final 10 minutes or so of this match reinforce what was so clearly apparent from the first seconds of seeing the ripped giant step over the top rope to enter the ring for the first time. Lovely, long Diego is a fully formed heel! He stomps the living shit out of Austin without even a hint of human compassion or mercy. “I told you that’s what you get when you play with the big guys: you get beat down!” A backbreaker in nose-bleed altitude, hanging upside down helplessly across Diego’s shoulder, is stunning to see and clearly impossible for Austin to take for more than about 5 seconds. Diego finally acknowledges the submission and flings the pretty patriot to the mat like taking out the trash. “Don’t come in here with your little spinnings and twists and think your going to beat me!” he spits, starting to stride out of the ring having delivered his message to BG East.
Diego is working over Austin, but he’s got his eye on you.
“You’re still just a tall pussy,” Austin says, flat on his back having just screamed out a submission like a whiny bitch. Some might call it balls, taking a beating that humiliating and then spitting out a gasping attempt at emasculation. As for me, it looks like a musclehead jock unaccustomed to being physically inferior to an opponent just not knowing when to shut up. Happily, Diego’s pride is bruised enough by the pitiful insult that he has to climb back in the ring and shut Captain America up for good. He delivers a one-handed choke slam, lifting Austin high off his feet with just a little gratuitous help from yanking the stars and stripes high up Austin’s crack, and then pounding the faux hawked golden boy into la-la-land.
Diego makes being so bad look so good!
Where the fuck did BG East find this guy!? These are two incredibly hot wrestlers. This is my very favorite genre: ring action. These stunners use every inch of the ring, the ropes, the turnbuckles, the corner posts, the ringside benches, the lockers, and the cinder block walls to do their very best to fuck one another up. The sexy Latino giant let’s loose a steady stream of withering trash talk. In other words, this is my kind of homoerotic wrestling! Get Diego Diaz back in the ring, rápido!
BG East boys take note: Diego Dias is in the building!

Teased

wrestlebardLeave a comment
Do not let it be said that the Steel Muscle God doesn’t know how to build suspense! Just out today, SMG has posted some preview pics of a new wrestling match he’s taped.  That, in and of itself, is enough to make me salivate. But the details that SMG is leaking just get better and better.
Steel Muscle God struggles to tame a muscle beast.
For example, his opponent is a certain muscle stud that he recently arm wrestled and did an oiled up posedown with. In my recent interview with SMG, I mentioned him as the eye-catching hunk of muscle that he is, even suggesting that he comes close to possessing almost as hot a muscle body as SMG does. I like to think that comment might have earned the shaved-headed muscle man the invitation to feel the steel on the mats in this upcoming wrestling release!
SMG loves to squeeze and watch. 

So SMG’s choice of opponent is definitely upping the ante on this upcoming release, but a cursory glance at the preview pics points out the next fantastically hot detail of the match: these two muscle men wrestle in only jockstraps! I put in a bid for SMG to consider wrestling naked for his fans when we chatted last month, but this is oh-so-close! More muscle god to admire is never a bad thing, and the sight of all those nearly naked muscles bulging, stretching, and squeezing with so little left to require from the imagination looks fantastic!

The muscle beast in a humiliating bear trap! 

The third subtle detail that’s making me give these preview pics a second (third, fourth…) glance is just this shot of SMG’s muscleman rival with his head in that vice that SMG calls his legs, and his nose shoved way, way, WAY up between those gorgeously divine hamstrings. This is beautifully intimate stuff, and I’d happily giveaway my firstborn to trade places with the lucky, lucky shaved headed hunk.

SMG on the defensive!?
And finally, I’m titillated by the glimpse of SMG looking like he’s awfully close to getting a hot, hard rear choke cinched on good and tight. There’s a look of devilish delight stretched across his opponent’s face. SMG’s muscled torso is stretched out, and the divine one looks like he’s seriously struggling, grimacing with the effort to fend off the potential choke out maneuver. The Steel Muscle God’s jockstrapped ass in jeopardy!? Now, I love seeing SMG dominate and subdue, but I’ve often imagined the hot scenario of him having to seriously push himself to the limits of all that strength and endurance to survive a challenge to his pride and dignity as a muscle god. Holy hell, if somebody’s naked ass gets slapped in the match, I’m losing all self-restraint.

Bodies Over Time – Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month Edition

wrestlebardLeave a comment
Reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month: Christian Taylor
(aka Chris Cox)
Christian Taylor rocks. He’s stunning in still frame. Long, perpetually lean, gorgeously handsome square jaw, aquiline nose, piercing, long-lashed eyes, and a big, toothy, melting smile. I haven’t chatted with him in real time (though I’d love to!), but the hit I get off of his wrestling matches and his available photo sets is that he’s doesn’t quite believe just how sexy he is. A 6’2″, 175 lbs athlete with cover boy good looks who harbors some insecurity about his own attractiveness is one of the sexiest things on earth, I think.
Christian over time: (l) Undagear 15, (c) Sexy Showdown 6, and (r) Wet and Wild 6
This is a “bodies over time” post officially, but honestly, over the course of about 7 years appearing in homoerotic wrestling, his body has remained astonishingly hot. If anything, he’s getting more ripped, more handsome, and more confident with age. His pecs are a little fuller. He’s whittled his abs and obliques down to first-rate washboard condition. He looks like he’s lived into the long, sultry lines of his genetically blessed physique with more and more grace as he’s shown up over and over to put that beautiful body on the line in homoerotic wrestling.
Max Powers stretches out Chris’ hot, long body and highlights that bulging package
Christian earned his title as reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month on the strength of his ring match (wrestling as “Chris Cox“) against muscle bully Max Powers for Rock Hard Wrestling. As powerful and stimulating a sight as Max’s muscled body is, it’s Christian’s wrestling, suffering, and bulging package that make this straight-up wrestling match so freakin’ homoerotically hot!
(l) Christian Taylor and (r) Sean Patrick
As far as I can tell, Christian made his homoerotic wrestling debut, and has appeared most, wrestling for BG East. BG East has also featured some of his sexiest and most overtly homoerotic work, which is clearly a strong suit of BG East. Particularly in the physical shape Christian has been in for his most recent wrestling products, I can’t help but think of him as a new edition of classic BG East tall, cool drink of water, Sean Patrick. According to their published stats, Christian is just about an inch taller and a little heavier than Sean, but they’re both built similarly. I’d expect to see the looks of Christian on the cover of a magazine sooner than I’d expect to see (albeit handsome) Sean, but they have similar genetics.  And both of these lovely lean wrestlers have/had a similar not-so-secret weapon in their matches: opponents seem to melt when either of these handsome hotties lock their lips on them.
Austin Raines welcomes Christian to the world of
homoerotic wrestling in BG East’s Undagear 13

The wrestling “lip lock” is a move that I relish in homoerotic wrestling. I know that not everyone is with me on this, but unconditionally, when hard, hot, sweaty wrestling morphs into aggressive kissing and passionate groping, it sends my kink firing on all cylinders! And reviewing Christian’s resume (at BG East) makes it quite obvious that one opponent after another has tasted his lovely lips sooner or later in match after match.

Christian sucks the fight out of Blaine Janus in Undagear 15

Like Sean Patrick, when Christian’s mouth makes contact with an opponent, it seems to sap the battle right out of them. Who can stay focused on a fight when a hunk like Christian distracts you with a lingering lip lock? On top, on the bottom, in the heat of battle or as post-match foreplay, the beauty of battlers aroused by their wrestling and sucking face hot and heavy is an essential analogy to what turns me on at my core.

In Wrestleshack 12, Tim Sheridan seems unconcerned about being
put to his back once Christian starts to toy with his nipples and kiss him.

Of course, if it were just making out, I’d be entertained, but it wouldn’t exactly feed my kink. I enjoy seeing guys with their tongues down each other’s throats, but what arouses me most powerfully is watching hunks face off, throw down, crush and slam one another, and within that context, wrestlers driven to distraction by their own lustful lips tasting one another makes my ears whistle with the dramatic redistribution of blood flow in my body.

Christian neutralizes Tim’s bearhug in an instant

Christian’s wrestling gives me the impression that he “gets it” intuitively. I’m certain that there are plenty of wrestlers who punch the clock in homoerotic wrestling, earning the cash but not owning the kink.  That isn’t a problem, in and of itself, for me. As long as they can sell what I’m buying, my imagination and discerning eye can take from homoerotic wrestling all that I need, whether or not the antagonists walk away owning it for themselves. But Christian is one of the hotties that sells so well, either from the inside out or outside in, that I can’t help but think that he’s in “our” camp both on screen and off.

Kid Karisma conquers Christian, knocks him out cold, and then can’t resist
employing some mouth-to-mouth “resuscitation” 

And as someone I like to think of as “one of us,” what a delight it is to identify with Christian for all of the crazy, enviable positions he’s had the opportunity to find himself in on the mat and in the ring.

In Wet & Wild 5, Kid K buries Christian’s face
in his crotch long and hard.

Getting called out and absolutely owned by the likes of my reigning undisputed favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy), Kid Karisma, is enviable enough. But the sight of Christian’s face shoved in Kid’s K’s crotch, squeezed between the charismatic one’s pumped, muscled thighs, and then lip-locked in post-match foreplay is like jolts of electricity shooting through my body (the good kind).  And then, as Kid K lets his opponent lean his half-a-foot taller frame on him as they head into the sunroom, Christian stretches his mile long arm and platter-sized hand down and squeezes that epic muscle ass of Kid K’s! Holy shit! I’m so envious that I could start to hate my homoerotic wrestler of the month just a little.

Christian makes drop-dead gorgeous fantasyman Alexi Adamov
scream like his bitch in “Who’s Next?”

And what’s not to be insanely jealous of when you see Christian straddling sexy Alexi Adamov’s tanned, toned muscle body, nearly ripping the Russian’s shoulders out of their sockets, and sitting back on Alexi’s bodacious bubble butt to listen to the babyface scream!?  So he didn’t get a liplock on the Russian, but hot damn, a fellow wrestling kinkster putting it all on the line in the BG East backyard against the likes of pristine prettyboy fantasyman Alexi makes me absolutely ache with lust!

Jake Jenkins makes every inch of Christian suffer in
Wet & Wild 6
And it’s no wonder Christian keeps hanging out by the pool, when the likes of Kid Karisma and then Jake Jenkins show up for a wet and wild bully showdown!  Then contrast of sizes and body types between Christian and Jake makes my jaw drop. Jake’s 5’7″ muscle packed mat body tying up and twisting the infinitely long, graceful, powerful lines of Christian’s 6’2″ physique is a visual masterpiece. Someone like Christian with a proven track record of getting off on the eroticism of wrestling, paired with the intensely sincere amateur-come-pro likes of straight-up dominator Jake, is guaranteed to transport me from this side of the screen onto that very match, feeling it ache every ounce as much as Christian suffers.

Christian and real-life lover Skip are passionately merciless with one another
in Sexy Showdown 6

And damn, what could be hotter than to get paired with your very own real life lover, showing up in the BG East mat room to wrestle in a product that’s destined to be entitled “Sexy Showdown 6?” The torque that these two work up on each other’s joints, the humiliating domination that they exchange, paired with a genuine romance and physical lust for one another that spills over off the mat is like a homoerotic wrestling kinkster’s anthem. Taking Skip Vance, making him hurt, taking some punishment from him and then squeezing out a final fall, once-and-for-all (until they get home) victory over the man he’ll wake up in the morning next to in bed is fucking awesome!

And an adorably sweet smile!? My homoerotic wrestler of the month
has it ALL going on!

I’m entirely ready to admit that I could be completely wrong about the backstory that I’ve convinced myself to fill in for hot hunk Christian Taylor (aka Chris Cox). He could totally be punching the clock. He could be an asshole narcissist with an ego that can barely squeeze it’s way into the BG East matroom. He could be a body facist, condescending, frigid bastard who knows precisely the worth of his every asset and how to exploit a homoerotic wrestling audience like a maestro waving a baton. But I don’t think so. And more importantly, I don’t believe so. Because Christian has sold me, lock, stock and barrel, on a fully formed, deeply arousing, fantastically entertaining through-story, and whatever he gets up to off camera, when he’s on camera I’m entranced and fully engaged.  So it’s no wonder at all that he’s joined the ranks of those who’ve so completely captured and controlled my lusts on their way to earning the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month.
Mike Martin is instantly under Christian’s spell in
incredibly sexy Undagear 18 

Nicely played, Christian. Nicely played.

Class Warfare

wrestlebard3 Comments
Damien Rush moves into BG East to execute an
unfriendly takeover bid.

Hell, yes! My latest crop of BG East new releases arrived on my birthday, and what a sweet, sweet birthday present! There’s so much to enjoy, and I’m trying to pace myself. Self-restraint is not my strong suit, but I’m working on savoring each taste deliberately. I’ve spent the most time so far in the high class, blue blood company of silver spoon fed pretty boy rookie, Damien Rush in Strip Stakes 3.

The coiffed rookie looks down his nose at Morgan Cruise.

Wowzers! What’s a trust fund baby, who gets off on wrestling, to do with all his time when he’s not cashing daddy’s checks? If you’re Damien Rush, you hire a personal trainer to muscle up and learn some ring moves; you purchase some tailored, shiny ring gear; and I’m guessing you probably spend a day at the spa getting a facial, a full body massage, and expert manscaping to look just about as gorgeous and invincible as you feel. Finally, click that “wrestle for bg east” tab at the bottom of the website and let The Boss know when you’ll be arriving and that you require Perrier and fois gras in your dressing room.

Damien’s punishing legs and bulging crotch are perfect for homoerotic wrestling!

I’d never really thought of Morgan Cruise as a blue collar champion, but that’s why The Boss is The Boss. The contrast between these two gorgeous men is subtle, but impossible to miss. The trust fund baby is long and lean and classically handsome. He shows up in designer shades and his tuxedo jacket, dripping with condescension and class privilege. He’s clean around all the edges, strong chin, $300 haircut…. When Morgan the Mastodon catches his first sight of Damien, Morgan looks like the line worker who’s walked into a jacket-and-tie-required 3-star restaurant.  Hunky, cocky, heel-bent Morgan succumbs to the power of social class politics, falling silent, literally slack-jawed, and passively allowing the aristocrat to shove his sunglasses into his hands like his personal valet.

Morgan is determined to make the trust fund baby pay up

I have to admit that 30 seconds into this match I was guessing that burly Morgan was about to squash Damien in what was destined to be a back alley mugging. And without a doubt, Morgan pretty quickly humbles the trust fund baby for looking down his nose at him. But even if Damien doesn’t have the ring experience of the Mastodon, he apparently has all the training that daddy’s bank account can buy. He takes some early offense from Morgan and, with impressive skills for an untested rookie, turns the tide and puts curly-haired Morgan on his back. Damien’s long, lovely legs are his strong suit. He nearly squeezes the will to keep fighting out of rough-around-the-edges Morgan, crushing his kidneys between his knees.

Morgan strips and pummels while Damien struggles for air
 through the crotch of his own trunks.

“Nearly,” is a dangerous word in the world of BG East, however. Once Morgan shakes off his socially proscribed class insecurity, he not only hammers the trust fund baby into a stupor, but he also begins to seriously, almostly lovingly relish making and watching his opponent suffer. The Mastodon seems to be particularly infatuated with watching Damien’s handsome face (and who blames him?) contorted, twisted, and screwed up in toothy, open-mouthed agony. The hot aristocrat is made of surprisingly tough stuff, though, and even when the match momentum is burying him hopelessly, he holds out longer than I’d have guessed a trust fund baby could manage, bitterly resisting acknowledging that he’s been humbled by a “little man” from the other side of the tracks.  Pretty boy finally gives away the first submission, however, and Morgan decides right then and there that just beating the blue blood is completely insufficient. He decides that he must humble the arrogant aristocrat completely, stripping him out of his skin-tight, tailored, royal purple trunks and shoving them over Damien’s face, where they stay for almost all of the second fall as Morgan flings and pounds the arrogant rookie all over the ring.

Morgan is entranced by the sight of the suffering he’s inflicting.
Damien’s body is incredibly tasty, and tastier and tastier with each item of clothing he loses! When Morgan traps him in the ropes, Damien’s agony and vulnerability are a feast for the eyes. His cries and whimpers are music to my ears. And the trust fund baby’s ample package is provocatively propped on top of the middle rope like a trophy on the mantel.  Right about then, I’m guessing Damien was wishing that he had his wrestling tutor at ringside to coach him out of his humiliating predicament. Happily, however, he does not.
Naked wrestling and an explosive ramrod rookie debut!
As I mentioned, this is not a squash. Damien wrestles with impressive bursts of technical skill and speed, and when he’s down to nothing but a bare assed g-string, his humiliation seems to trigger a ferocious warrior-within.  With a rage in his eyes that turns me ON, he out-hustles, slams, and pins hunky Morgan to his back for a fantastic small package 3-count that stuns Morgan so completely that Damien is able to strip him out of his signature square cuts and shove them over the Mastodon’s face for some crowing tit-for-tat revenge. But do not doubt that the 99% are done with getting shafted. Morgan takes some beating, but his designs on capturing the title of BG East’s resident heel extraordinaire will not be denied by the likes of gym-toned Damien. In a move that shocks me (despite the title of this product), both of these battlers end up battling in nothing but their boots before the end, and once Damien has exhausted everything in his reserves, Morgan delights in wrapping the naked stud back up in the ropes and torturing him helplessly in a gratuitous, sweat-dripping full nelson. Just as he looks like he’s about to pop Damien’s head right off his neck, we finally get the answer of why, really, a blue blooded trust fund baby would click on the “wrestle for bg east” tab on the website. With nowhere left to go, conquered in body and soul, humbled and humiliated like no one has ever managed before, Damien not only gets hard, he can’t help himself but begin stroking his cock. His groans of agony mix with groans of ecstasy, as Morgan watches on, as if enraptured by the sight of the outcome of his power and mastery of his opponent.
The 99% get their’s in the end.

There are two epiphany moments for me in Strip Stakes 3. First, I’m stunned by this barnburner rookie debut. Showing up with all that personality hanging out, all of those devastatingly gorgeous looks, and ready to put absolutely every inch of his body on the line for the match that introduces him to BG East fans is earth shaking. He’s incredibly sexy, and the glimpse of him enraged, ferocious, and powering on top gives me a double shot of adrenaline. The idea of a Mr. Moneybags lie-cheat-and-steal his way to the top-of-the-heap homoerotic wrestler (who’s, incidentally, g-g-g-gorgeous!) is an idea whose time has surely come! My second epiphany in this match is how astonishingly sexy it is to see Morgan Cruise turn the volume up to 11 when it comes to homoeroticism. Seriously, I did not know that the Mastodon had it in him to bare it all and let us see just how profoundly he enjoys – no, lusts for – the feeling of dominating and devouring a bare naked opponent.  If Morgan’s wish is, as reported, to take his place among the greatest heels of BG East, I certainly can’t say that he’s on par with the likes of hairy, hunky sadist Brooklyn Bodywrecker… but I can definitely see him on that path. Well done, Morgan! A hearty and enthusiastic welcome to Mr. Rush’s son! And yet another “thank you” to The Boss for producing the sexiest wrestling on tap!

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

wrestlebard5 Comments

I received this pic and message from Kid Karisma last night:

“Happy birthday… if you were here, you wouldn’t be able to sit!”
My Birthday Present

For those who may not be tracking, for my birthday, I went through the mental exercise of deciding which homoerotic wrestler I’d pick to deliver my spanking in honor of my birthday. There are plenty of wrestlers who I’d be more than happy to be bent over their knees for them to slap my ass repeatedly. But in the end (so to speak), I decided that my top choice for the job would be my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy), Kid Karisma.

I’m ready to assume the position!

Now, Kid K mentioned that he reads this blog, and he even granted me a dizzyingly delightful interview. But I swear, I wasn’t angling for a shout out by the karismatic one. However, I’m thrilled to get such a sweet gift, and absolutely anything that Kid K would want to do to my ass to make it so sore that I couldn’t sit down would be just fine with me! He’s probably just lucky that I’m not inclined toward stalking, because his message makes me want to track down where “here” is in order to make him pay up.

He’s my favorite for so many reasons…

Do other cultures have tradition of getting spanked on your birthday? I know that there are neverland readers from other parts of the world, so I’m not sure if the concept of swatting someone’s ass to celebrate their birthday translates everywhere. I remember a number of birthdays as a kid getting held down, protesting, as I was spanked, one painful swat for each year. As I explain this for readers who might not have heard of the tradition, it suddenly strikes me how completely bizarre and non-sensical it sounds. I suppose that’s the way with a lot of traditions.

Kid Karisma is practiced at bending a lucky opponent
across his knee.

Now that I’m all grown up (sort of), a little celebratory corporal punishment takes on a whole new significance. If Kid K got down on one knee, I really wouldn’t have to be forced to assume the position, though putting up a token fight would just make it that much hotter. I really wouldn’t sincerely protest feeling the sting of the palm of Kid K’s hand cracking down on my naked cheeks (because let me assure you, I’d insist on them being naked for this ritual!). Sure, I’d make a good show of grunting and whimpering, perhaps even a little pleading for mercy, but it would just be to contribute to the drama of being in the clutches, under the control, and entirely at the mercy of a certain freckle-faced, dimple-chinned, gloriously-gluted, muscleman of my fantasies.

Gorgeous, merciless, and generous!

Thanks, Kid Karisma! Your hold on the top spot of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers us just that much tighter. Poor, lovely Lon Dumont has merely more distance to make up if he thinks he’s going to knock your gorgeous ass off the throne!

The Side Hustle

wrestlebard1 Comment

I partied hearty for my birthday last week. Just now coming out of the haze, in fact. Happily, I had another little present from Sidelineland contributor Alex. Alex is the extremely talented writer who has contributed stories to the Sidelineland homoerotic wrestling fiction group in the past couple of months. Today I posted his newest story, the latest chapter in his American Wrestling League series, entitled “The Side Hustle.”

Star of chapter 3: AWL’s Dangerous Danny Chase

This AWL story centers on a new early 80’s wrestler trying to get traction in the world of pro wrestling.  Dangerous Danny Chase owns property in jobberville, and he’s increasingly unhappy about the neighborhood. After 5 years in the business, he’s a company man, but he’s now used almost exclusively as window dressing to showcase the headliners. What’s a disillusioned young hunk to do with his gasping hopes for fame and glory?

Helpful, hairy hunk, Rex Taylor

Danny’s buddy in the biz, Rex Taylor, suggests a remedy to reanimate Danny’s visions of fortune and fame.  I’ll let you read Alex’s excellent writing for yourself, but needless to say that in a world populated with gay men with a wrestling fetish and spending money, there are always options for wrestlers craving attention and the roar of the crowd. Throw in a gorgeous bodybuilder wearing posing trunks into the mix, and this story is right on target!

Danny’s hopes for glory in the ring are pinned on
5’11”, 250 lb bodybuilder, Coal

Thanks for the excellent birthday present, Alex, and for everyone else who sent along your best wishes.  Life is good, and I’m happy to be living it.

Make Me Feel It!

wrestlebard3 Comments
Rolando delivers the whacks on Mike Paris in BG East’s Ringwars 7
I know somebody who needs a spanking today… and that somebody is me!
Bruce Hill and Trenton Comeaux bend over and take it
like men from Eduardo in Can-Am’s All American Oil Trio Muscle Bash
It’s my birthday! I love my birthdays. I have friends who dread them, but I’ve never had a birthday that I didn’t look forward to. You know what they say about the alternative. Another year older is another year not being dead yet, and I love life. So bring on spanking!
It must have been Peter Bishop’s birthday when he wrestled Dino Phillips
in BG East’s X-Fights 11
Normally, spanking isn’t exactly my thing. I mean, physical domination and humiliation works for me (like I need to tell a neverland reader that!), but spanking for the sake of spanking isn’t at the top of my list of what I need. But a birthday isn’t a typical day, and particularly after searching for some hot photos of homoerotic wrestlers leaving a handprint on some shiny, bare assess, I know what I’m wishing for as I blow out my birthday cake candles. 
Brad Rochelle leaves a mark on Billyboy’s vulnerable cheeks in BG East’s Demolition 2
I had decided to come up with a list (because I seem to be all about lists and awards lately) of the homoerotic wrestlers I’d most prefer to deliver my whacks. The image of Brad Rochelle’s fingerprints outlined in angry red across Billyboy’s lucky ass in BG East’s Demolition 2 quickly popped into my mind. I’d lie about it being my birthday once a month if it meant I’d be forced to assume the position across Brad’s thigh!
Cameron Mathews won’t soon forget to call him
Mr. Joshua after his Wrestler Spotlight encounter

My perpetual crush on BG East’s Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) makes me strongly identify with the lucky, lovely bubble butt of Cameron Mathews getting wedgied and swatted a hot red under the complete control of Mr. Joshua’s gorgeous body for Cameron’s Wrestler Spotlight.  I’d refuse to call him “Mr. Joshua” for at least 42 whacks (or so), just to soak in the sublime ecstasy of suffering a Joshua Goodman humiliation!

Love hurts in BG East’s Sexy Showdown 6

The image of ripped, studly twink Skip Vance landing a cracking open palm across his lover’s naked ass in BG East’s Sexy Showdown 6 works for me as well, with extra credit for the fact that the lanky lover getting spanked here is none other than reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Christian Taylor (aka Chris Cox).  The sweetest birthday present of all would probably be joining in on this intensely erotic homo wrestling fun, trading places with each of these gorgeous boys giving and taking my butt clenching smacks!

Skip gets it back from Mike Martin in BG East’s Wet & Wild 4 

Of course, Skip taking his whacks is also an inspiring sight, with handsome hottie Mike Martin sitting on his face and yanking down his trunks. Yep, this would be my choice of the preferred position for me to be forced to assume for my birthday spanking.

Kid Karisma leaves Z-Man’s glutes quivering in Summer Sizzlers 2
But all right, if I have to pick the one homoerotic wrestling hunk to make celebrating hurt so good… if I’m backed into a corner and required to pick just one out of the lineup of my favorite wrestlers to star in my own personal spanking birthday fantasy, truth be told, I’d pick my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy), Kid Karisma. The reasons are many, but first and foremost, Kid K clearly enjoys the task… a lot!  His evil laughter at yanking Z-Man’s trunks up his crack and making the playboy model spasm in shock at the hard swat sends chills down my spine while warming my crotch delightfully.

Headscissors-as-excuse for an ass slapping.
Kid Karisma absolutely tenderized the twinky ass of fierce little Len Harder for boatloads of Florida Fun. From just about every angle, Kid K beat on Len’s skinny ass relentlessly.
Fold-over face-pin underneath Kid K’s crotch? Just another opportunity to slap ass!
And as Kid Karisma himself made quite clear, he’s nothing if not the life of the party. So definitely, to celebrate my day I’m thinking of a certain red-headed, musclebound, freckle faced, bubble-butted beauty to pin me down, sit on my face, and pound out slow, nothing-held-back whacks across my bare ass, raising a perfectly harmonized chorus of my cries of pain and Kid K’s rumbles of sadistic laughter.

Then let’s turn down the lights, turn up the house music, and dance until I drop on my bright red, aching, happy ass in exhaustion! Life is good!