Tonight. Midnight. Submit your votes for the Best of BG East in 2016. I realize that I’m atypical when it comes to how many BG East matches I watch over the year, so this little voter’s guide is intended to help fill in any blanks some of you may have for lack of exposure to some of the nominees. If 2016 teaches us nothing else, it proves that nothing requires us to be educated and informed voters. However, if you prefer to vote based on something other than your cock’s reaction to one still photo, but you don’t have time to see the whole ballot of matches, feel free to consider my opinions for what they’re worth (which is relatively little, but a little more than voting with no basis whatsoever).
Let’s power through the remaining categories to finish off your ballot.
It’s a little surprising to consider this match “from the vaults” for a 2016 award. Both Jonah and especially Cameron were so young in this match. It’s hard not to superimpose what we know about how Cameron grew up, muscled up, and launched his own production company since this match was taped. I loved this match immensely. It’s rough and raw. The boys clearly hate the fuck out of each other. Lovely, lickable twinks who may look like babies but wrestle like nasty back alley brawlers.
It’s a close call for me, but my vote goes to Kid K and Mason. Both of these beautiful boys are perennial favorites of mine, so I had very high hopes for this match going in. They didn’t disappoint, and in fact the intensity is even hotter, the bodies even more beautiful, and the mat wrestling drama even more compelling than I’d expected. It also helps that these hunks so enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s cocky and playful and reads like the hottest foreplay in history.
Similarly, I’ve never seen a match that includes JJ or Attila that fails to get me off. It’s a match up of an amateur mat champ and a ripped, acrobatic brawler. These are both thoroughbred athletes with massive egos, so the action is brutal and vicious. Not nearly as much erotic heat as Gazebo 18, but magnificent mat wrestling nonetheless.
The narrative behind Coop and Ryder’s mat tussle is great. Coop’s competitive amateur wrestling days seem so far behind him, since he’s been showing up as Dr. Cooper and dissecting opponents like a heart surgeon (aka, mercilessly) in the ring. So Jake seems to be unaware that Coop kicks ass on the mats as well. Ryder lies and cheats his way into putting the doctor into serious jeopardy, but in a lush mash up of babyface Austin and his Dr. Cooper heel alter ego, this mat battle turns nasty pro.
I’ve written a small novel about what this match does for me, so I’ll try not to repeat myself. What grabs me by the balls most is how both of these dazzlingly pretty boys show us something completely new. They’re gorgeous. The wrestling is completely ego driven. They’re gorgeous. The dialogue is sensationally sexy. They’re gorgeous. And the all in, vicous submissions are way more intense and work than I expect to see from supremely pretty boys like this. Oh, yeah, and they’re gorgeous.
Speaking intensity born of dislike, Drake and Ethan rip into each other with a passion that can’t quite be described with words. They’re mean to each other. They’re vicious and brutal. It turns sensationally sexy as the gear gets stripped, but not so much because they turn each other on, but because you get the impression that the final victory lap (after the pony ride) could very well be a domineering, taunting, sneering, contemptuous fuck. Buckets of sweat. A couple pints of tears. Lush bodies. This is a very close second choice for me.
Hottest Liplock
We almost certainly all know what we like about liplocks. I like sweat, palpable passion, a tablespoon of aggression, and authentic lust. Here are your options.
I’m in an ethical dilemma when it comes to giving you a look at the first nominee for Hottest Liplock. BG East has an embargo on me sharing any of their pics that contain full frontal, and yet the only shots of this liplock include both wrestlers with their full-mast cocks in hand. So I’m hoping that I’ll be forgiven for cropping out the bottom of this shot, to stay within the strictly PG requirements I’ve agreed to, despite having to drop the BG East copyright at the bottom of the photo. If this photo suddenly disappears and is replaced by a puppy, you’ll know that I have been asked, and as always I’ve agreed, to a request from the copyright holder to remove the image. All that fine print aside, this is a hot liplock, right?
Sensationally sexy liplock between Christian and Calvin. The authenticity is well-established long ahead of time, as they both telegraph all along that they are turning each other on. If you still doubt it, their rock hard cocks straining the pouches of their trunks should prove the point.
My vote goes to Drake’s kiss-‘n’-pin of gorgeous newbie Nino “Babyboy” Leone. It ticks off all of my boxes, including sweat, passion, simmering aggression, and what is quite obviously open lust. This is one of the most brutal matches this year, which makes the incredibly tender ending that much more dizzying. Squarely in the homoerotic sweet spot.
When it comes to quantity, Charlie and Blaine very well may have locked lips the most in their ginger-off in the backyard. I believe Blaine gets the award for popping Charlie’s (kissing) cherry first in his homoerotic wrestling career, but Charlie is quite clearly abundantly skilled in sucking face and using it as a defensive maneuver on the mats. For kissing as chess match move, I give this liplock a close second place on my ballot.
I get the impression that I am as big a fan of Chris Xaos as most of the rest of you are of Mike Martin. So between the two of us (you, me), we should be crazy for their scorching hot mat match this year. The liplock is more teasing than passionate, for my tastes. That said, I’d change my vote for a chance to stick my tongue down Chris Xaos’ throat (well, if he’s naked).
There’s nothing teasing about Christian and Jeremy’s passion at the end of their hot and rough mat match. This is a full on make out session, and it’s lathered in sweat, and it’s got a half a cup of aggression still playing out, and I fully believe these boys are into each other. Christian is the reigning kissing master at BG East, which may work against him this time around for the potential vote splitting with his liplock on Calvin.
Best Wrestler Spotlight
It seems like a testimony to a wrestler’s marketability to get an entire DVD release devoted to one person. So the three nominees this year for Best Wrestler Spotlight represent some major fan favorites.
Biff follows up with his victory as Debut of the Year last year with multiple nominations across the ballot, including for his Wrestler Spotlight. He’s compelling and gorgeous. I actually think the strength of this collection is in the quality of his opponents, though. You get the impression everyone wants a shot at this ridiculously hot beefcake. This is a very close second place for me.
Has anyone ever starred in 3 Wrestler Spotlight DVDs before? Although this collection tends toward showing off Coop’s work as a gorgeously bashable babyface, his mat match with Jake Ryder gives some awesome flashes of Dr. Cooper hanging out his shingle. The quality of his opponents is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlights, but Coop has emerged as such a fantastic, complex, competitive, multifaceted character, that I’m persuaded (just) to cast my vote for him.
Chace’s spotlight is sort of a retrospective of his career, featuring him as the go-go boy, the beefsteak, and the fitness model that he has been at different phases of his wrestling. His end of the bargain is less consistent than the other two Wrestling Spotlight stars, which is to be expected considering these matches come from such drastically different parts of his career. Still, although there’s nothing to complain about, I enjoyed Coop’s cubed spotlight the best.
Best 2016 Overall Match
Now the free for all starts. I know well that fans are fierce about their favorites, and when comparing apples to oranges, there’s no pretense of objectivity or even a measurable standard to point to. Seven times out of 10, I’m biased toward ring matches. I tend to favor big personalities and hot bodies in equal measure. I like to be surprised. I like to be made to laugh. And it is essential that I get hard. With all those biases in mind, I’ll tell you how I see the field for Best of 2016.
First on the ballot is my pick for the Best Overall Match at BG East in 2016. It’s an instant classic. It’s sexy as hell. Two incredible debuts. Drama, drama, drama. Very high quality pro wrestling. Intramural rivalries. And dick pic selfies. It’s everything I could want in a match (except for a copy of those dick pics).
A very close second place for me is this masterpiece on the mats between Drake and Skrapper. If I’d had the option, I very well might have picked this over Mason and Kid Karisma for the Best Mat Battle, but alas, the nominating committee didn’t see fit to give me the chance. The wrestling is outstanding. The erotic tension is thick and juicy. And the boys are real and beautiful. The only edge TTT19 has on this for me is the full throttle pro ring vibe.
So put Drake in the ring with Kayden Keller, and you might think I’d be unable to resist. I resist, though. It swings hard for a slasher vibe, but doesn’t quite connect. TTT19 and Drake’s work in Matmen 26 hit the bullseye better. And then there’s Drake’s gear to consider (smh).
Watching cocky indy pro Kirk Donahue get trampled by a “mere” underground phenom like Dr. Cooper is guaranteed to tickle my funny bone and get me hard. This is a magnificent beatdown and totally worthy of a shot at the title, but it just didn’t get my vote.
That’s right, haters, Drake Marcos anchors a full half of the Best Match nominees this year! I recently referred to 2016 as the year of the rookie, but it may have to be rebranded as the year of Drake. The heat is scorching in his match with Ethan. And I do love seeing bully-Ethan face off against someone who gives it right back to him. But the raw rage and bitterness don’t quite put this match over Drake’s match with Skrapper for me, and neither quite persuade me to tip them over Tag Team Torture 19.
See all my comments above about why I voted for this as Best Mat Battle, and then remind yourself that this does not take place in a wrestling ring. It’s immensely satisfying, funny, fierce and brutal, and it gets extra points in my book for Mason’s perfect (perfect) choice in undergarments. But I’m still throwing my one, lone vote to the fierce foursome in TTT19.
The real winner is you and me, of course. Such a rich, entertaining, arousing body of work from BG East in 2016 is why BG East is the first place I go for that particular mix of homoerotic wrestling that keeps me satisfied. Congratulations to all of the nominees (except for Kirk). You are, every last one of you, gorgeous to watch mix it up in the ring, on the mats, and everywhere else that the Boss’ imagination takes us. Thanks for all of the distractions in 2016 that kept me from the abyss of absolute despair over current events
You only have until the end of the day Thursday to register your vote for the Best of BG East in 2016, so I’m going to power through the remaining categories for those waiting for the completion of this voter’s guide. As always, take it with a grain of salt. My opinions reflect nothing more than my opinions. Just vote. It’s supposed to be fun. All of these wrestlers are beautiful, and we’re lucky to get to enjoy their wrestling, so heap praises on all of them.
Best Submission
I’ve asked for clarification on this category before, but not really gotten any. The options are matches, but they aren’t all really submission matches, so the category isn’t best submission match so much. But we don’t get to vote on a particular submission within a match. I’m sure I’m over thinking it. In any case, I’ll keep my comments brief in the interest of getting through the remainder of the ballot before the polls close.
Two sensationally skilled indy pro wrestlers add up to incredible submissions. I was torn between including a photo of this Mexican Ceiling hold or Lucky’s gorgeous stretcher, hanging from the ropes and wrenching Dick every wrong way. Very top quality wrestling, with sensationally executed submissions.
3-Way Thrash 4 – Jonny Firestorm vs. Brute Baynard vs. Guido Genatto
The options for sensational submissions exponentiate when you throw three highly skilled indy pro veterans in the ring for a free for all. It’s hard to beat Guido’s simultaneous camel clutch on Brute and Boston Crab on Jonny for innovation and strength. This is my second favorite submission in the mix.
Submissions fly every which way between Drake and Ethan, so it’s hard to pick out just one to highlight. I’m partial to this gorgeous figure-4 face-smothering Ethan uses to put Drake out cold. Of course, two pony rides in this match sort of epitomize submission. Extremely hot back and forth in this battle.
Again, I’m not sure which one submission to highlight, but I’m pretty sure it’s one where Skip Vance is getting his skinny ass handed to him on a platter (because that’s pretty much every submission in this match). I do like everything about this particular submission hold featured here, with Paul applying scissors, a vicious hammerlock, and grinding Skip’s screaming face into the mat, all at the same time. Art, people. Art.
Again, so many options to choose from. I’ll call out Jonny’s leg choke, over the ropes, with a pec claw chaser, but I’m nearly as much a fan of the fish hook camel clutch. And the ball bashing. And the… wait. We’d better move on if I’m getting through this voter’s guide.
Now consider the submission possibilities with 4 wrestlers in the ring, often simultaneously. This is my vote for Best Submission mostly based on how blown out of the water I was by this out-of-nowhere gravity defying torture hold from debuting newbie Chase Addams. Chase calls this hold the Will Breaker, and you should hear 6’2″ Christian crumble like shattered glass when the devastating newbie trusses him up as if he’s been doing this for decades. My second favorite submission from this match is Christian and his tag team partner Charlie teaming up to squeeze a submission out of Ty Alexander with simultaneous face-to-crotch headscissors and a Boston Crab. Tag team wrestling done so, so right in this match.
Sexiest Match
Talk about open to interpretation. Actually, I suspect most of us gauge this category based on how successfully a match got us off. So that means the criteria is extremely subjective, and guessing who may win seems incredibly difficult.
Fuck, this match is sexy. Ty is nobody’s jobber in walking this pornboy through his pro wrestling paces. The match is explicitly and directly about sexual conquest from well before these two even make it to the ring. Surprisingly deep when it comes to the wrestling drama, this is an outstanding entry into the X-Fight lexicon.
Total newbie Calvin Haynes likes the look of Christian Taylor, so he initiates the hottest foreplay on the planet: wrestling. This is another erotic-forward match packed with the drama of two gorgeous, hot studs so obviously turned on by each other. The pool wrestling is brutal. The towel off is tender. And the bedroom wrestling finale is a magnificent combination of both.
At the beginning of the match, I thought this “loser gets shaved” things was a little gimmicky. About halfway through, in the middle of gallons of sweat, I was stunned by the intensity and balls out seriousness of the wrestling. By the end, this has always been about hot, steamy, lush passion, with a little side serving of tender loving to give it that sweet finish. I think this is my second place choice for Sexiest Match this year, but buckle up, because this is not the last you’ll see of Drake in this category.
That’s right, sabotaging his own success as only Drake can, he’s competing against himself for Sexiest Match in Ring Releases 4. Incredibly compelling match with equal parts scream queens, Hitchcock, and Bel Ami. My only complaint is Drake’s gear, which mercifully gets ripped off him soon enough in the match.
Hands down, the sexiest match of the year for me was Matmen 26, between Drake and Skrapper. The match is so aggressive. It’s so intense and brutal and it careens like a runaway train into sweat soaked erotic passion so authentically. I don’t think we see nearly enough full naked wrestling in this homoerotic industry, so the portion of the match that keeps charging ahead well after they both lose their gear is so satisfying. Even though I’m a big fan of both of these boys, this match took me by surprise by how totally compelling it was, and the erotic tension from start to finish is superb.
This match is what happens when you put a big, bulging pro wannabe in a ring with a bigger, more bulging, sensationally seasoned pro. The story practically tells itself, though you have to watch it to get the bait and switch that Kelly sells so remarkably successfully. Biff suffers so sensationally that it brings a tear to my eye. This is my second favorite ring match of the year.
Again, if you want an outstanding ring match, toss two extremely experienced indy pros into the BG East ring and insist they battle until one of them wins with a 10 count. Guido and Dolph classed up the place when it comes to quality ring wrestling and pro brutality. I love the grit and egos and battle of wills. Endurance sport with thoroughbreds like this is rare and gorgeous to watch.
And then there’s that magic again that you get when you toss a beefcake wrestling wannabe in the ring with a seasoned pro heel. I always, always have a bias toward homoerotic wresting that’s more homoerotic, so this is my second favorite ring match on the ballot. Bigger than life. Beautiful as hell.
Again, my vote goes to the opening match of Tag Team Torture 19. From the opening sequence in which Charlie Evans introduces himself to BG East by perfectly executing a Ginger Snap, to the corner to corner melodrama between the teams, to the magnificent intramural contest between Team Vanity to get their opponents to name which of them hurts them worse, to Chase’s Will Breaker, to this Beauty and Beast double team combo (by the good guys, no less), this match is packed with classic pro tag team wrestling with just the right amount of homoerotic flair to make me recognize it as our own.
And then there’s what comes from throwing two pretty boys who we’ve watched grow into this business tear into each other. I don’t think of either JJ or Chace as naturals in the ring, which makes the pace and power of this ring match such a pleasant surprise. Not nearly as homo or erotic as TTT19, still there’s a big BGE stamp on this match that comes from the way these two have developed under the guiding hand of the Boss.
And now, for your consideration, the combo of an experienced indy pro jobbing for yet another pretty boy who we’ve watched grow into a magnificent BG East-style pro. I’d almost considered voting for this on the off chance that giving more praises to matches in which Kirk gets clobbered would inspire more of the same in the future. But you don’t have to carry my grudge against Howdy Doody to see a lot to like in this match, not least of which is hot muscle domination, buckets of sweat, and big vs.little boy bashing.
Best Squash
My least favorite category, so I’ll say the least about it. I do love a good squash on rare occasions. Not nearly as often as a lot of you, clearly, because the industry pumps out so many more squashes than I can consume. But sure, on occasion, a one-sided total mauling of one hunk by another hits some sweet notes to savor.
Kip squashed like a bug. Gorgeous. I still say that Flash LaCash is far prettier than he seems to get credit for. But it’s hard to focus on the pretty when he’s such a devastatingly effective muscle heel.
You had me at “Kid Karisma.” If anyone can carry a squash narrative and keep me engaged, it’s Kid K. He is a fucking BEAST in this match. I’d say more, but it would mostly be about Kid K’s body. This would be my second choice for this category, if pressed to have one.
My vote goes to Trey and Thrash for a few reasons. First, Trey Dixon is a god. Doomed, but a god. Thrash is outstandingly compelling. He’s another incredible debut that could easily have deserved a spot on the ballot there as well. And finally, Thrash destroys Trey in order to own him. A lack of motivation sinks most squashes for me, so when Thrash starts signaling where all this beauty bashing is heading, I’m hooked. Fuck, more Thrash. More Trey Dixon. Please.
Maybe this is my second choice. I don’t know. I will say this match turned me into a big Kelly King fan. Huge push to Biff’s consideration for Top Jobber.
I have no idea what motivates Cybertron. He’s a magnificent specimen of a man, but honestly, he won this match against Mister E about 45 seconds in. But he doesn’t stop. Why is that? Why don’t I “get” squashes more than I do?
Okay, maybe this is my second place. Whatever. I will say that it’s a little shocking that these two sensational physiques got completely shut out of the body part categories. Though I did put Viggo up for my personal “Best Legs” contest. In any case, massive, mega squash, pretty on pretty.
So many choices. So little time. You have until Thursday at midnight to cast your ballot for the BGE Besties, so let’s get on with this voter’s guide for anyone sitting on the fence. Now let’s take a look at the categories that I think of as the most hotly contested out of the whole ballot.
Top Heel
Last year’s Top Heel winner, Guido Genatto, is back to defend his title. I suspect there may be relatively little variability in our subjective interpretations of what is a heel. Vicious. Underhanded. Sadistic. Dominating and devastating. When done right, heels make the pro wrestling world go round in a well-understood way. You have 6 fine options of wrestling hunks who definitely did it right in 2016.
Jonny Firestorm
Perennial threat for the Top Heel title, Jonny Firestorm heeled it up in 2016 in 3-Way Thrash 4, 3-Way Thrash 3, Ring Wars 25, and Hunkbash 18. Jonny is always dangerous. Always devastatingly skilled. And he’s always deeply delighted to make an opponent, the bigger the better, scream like a bitch. He has an army of well-established fans infatuated with his particular skill set, almost certainly including his best bulge contender. He’s an institution, and I think he has to be the heel with the best chance to dethrone Guido this year.
Kid Karisma
It should come as little surprise that my vote goes to my longstanding favorite homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma. In 2016, Kid K appeared in Demolition 21,The Great Outdoors 2, Fan Fantasy 4, and Gazebo Grapplers 18. He has a strong, well-established base of voting fans (not just me), and he brings a novel, character-based party boy twist to the classic story of a bulldozing muscle heel. Personally, any heel who takes such pleasure in crushing his opponents, and who does it with such panache, and who delights in locking down a post-victory kiss as a trophy is a heel I can’t help but adore.
Paul Hudson
Paul Hudson seems like the dark horse in this race for Top Heel. Paul wrestled in Chace LaChance’s spotlight and in Gazebo Grapplers 18. He’s devastating and merciless like a good heel, no doubt. He’s neither exceedingly pretty nor a muscle beast, so I worry that some superficial thresholds for fanaticism may not lean in Paul’s favor for a popular vote like this. My gut reaction is that I don’t think of him as particularly sadistic. I don’t know if he takes as much joy in ripping an opponent apart as the other contenders, and he’s such a phenomenal wrestler, I don’t know if we see him resort to underhanded shenanigans as much, because frankly, he just doesn’t need to. But he definitely brings range and richness to this field that I love.
Flash LaCash
Flash LaCash enters the race with immense heel cred to his name. In 2016, he wrestled in Ring Wars 25 and Demolition 21. He digs his claws into an opponent with a consistent bemused detachment. Flash always starts off assuming that, once having seen his imposing, hot, handsome, muscled body, opponents will, when given the option, simply concede and save themselves a mountain of suffering. They never do, but Flash seems persistently surprised by their determination to get mauled. His initial detachment tends to bubble over into open, sadistic delight once he starts carving. He likes the taste of terror dripping off the bone. I know he has serious fan backing, but with only a couple of appearances last year, I don’t know if he’ll have momentum heading into the voting.
Guido Genatto
Back to defend his title, Guido Genatto makes a hard case to dispute. He didn’t exactly coast on last year’s success, showing up in 2016 in Biff Farrell’s Wrestler Spotlight, 3-Way Thrash 4, Last Man Standing 2, and Demolition 19. When it comes to heeling, I don’t know if Guido actually enjoys making another man hurt, as much as he enjoys being Guido. He fucking loves being Guido. And being Guido means bulldozing one chump after another, regularly doing housekeeping around his “Heel Hut,” and taking out the trash. There’s not a ton of nuance when it comes to Guido, I don’t think. There is no other mode than beast mode. He’s a force of nature. And he has a ton of crossover indy pro fans who worship the ground he takes a piss on. I have to think he’s odds on favorite for taking the title again this year.
Beauxregard
Damn, Beaux made a huge impression on the nominating committee in his debut year. He muscles his way into contention for Top Heel on the merit of just two appearances in 2016, his debut in X-Fight 40 and his follow up in Dark Knights 13. Debuting as a top tier heel is an incredible feat. Beaux’s got the whole package to be nothing short of a wrecking ball as a chiseled, sub-bass bad ass with a porn star cock and a relish for molding opponents into worshippers. The flaming tats licking his calves capture this moment in time best: Beaux is on fire, and if he were to jump in line ahead of these other 5 contenders, I’d call this the biggest upset of the decade.
Best Butt
I prefer to think of this as “Most Awesome Ass.” I don’t remember how many times Kid Karisma has successfully defended his title, but fortunately for me, he’s back again to flex those glorious glutes side-by-side with 5 other studs who think they’ve got what it takes to unseat his legendary backside. One more major shocker on the ballot this year is the absence of Trophy Boy Ty Alexander. No one, and I mean no one is prouder of his pretty ass than Ty, and I’m certain that the Trophy Boy is smarting from the snub from the academy. But we’ve got a job to do, and it’s looking at these 6 asses that were nominated. I suppose the only question is how do you like your ass served? Bubble butts? Taut and athletic? Striated, carved muscle? Thick and luxurious? Whatever your taste, tuck in and take a look at this year’s contenders.
Jake Jenkins
I can’t remember if Jake Jenkins has been a contender for the title of Best Butt before, but he’s certainly classing up the place with that thoroughbred derriere this time around. Jake wrestled in Chace LaChance’s spotlight, Undagear 25, and Catch-Weight 7. His cheeks are crafted by function. His ass isn’t extravagant, certainly not the most muscular or the roundest in the bunch. But it’s perfectly suited to his athleticism and flexibility. I know that JJ has an immense fan following, and I know that there are plenty of fans who prefer their wrestlers’ butts lean and taut. If there’s a split vote between some of the Tom of Finland physiques in this race, JJ could very well pull out the upset.
Van Skyler
Speaking of a Tom of Finland physique, we finally arrive at the category that I think Van Skyler makes his most compelling case for. Again, Van only showed off his moneymaker in Undeagear 26 at the end of 2016. His cheeks are sensationally round and lush and squeezable (just ask Payton Meadows). This is prime go-go boy butt, built off what I assume are equal parts wrestling, dancing, and genetics. I think his fan following is quickly growing, but I don’t know if it’s big enough to let him overtake the likes of Kid K. But even a Kid K fanatic like me has to acknowledge that on pure aesthetics, on fantasy man fuckability and sheer beauty, Van’s ass is a serious challenge to Kid K’s dominance.
Kid Karisma
Fuuuuuuck. Sorry, I just get lightheaded looking at Kid Karisma’s multi-award winning muscle glutes. He put that fine ass to work in 2016 wrestling in Demolition 21,The Great Outdoors 2, Fan Fantasy 4, and Gazebo Grapplers 18. I know the Ginger Warrior gets a little tired of us neglecting to worship every other inch of his magnificent physique, but once he strips down to a jock strap and looks the other way, time stops for just a fraction of a second. I’m ready to vote for Kid K for ass of the decade, possibly even ass of the century. Although, all that said, I was blown away by a particular rookie ass in 2016 that made me, for just an instant, forget my absolute loyalty to Kid K’s glutes. Not enough to take my vote, but enough for me to take note to see what could happen in 2017.
Kelly King (in purple)
Kelly King’s beefy butt also shows up in the polls for the fans of big, juicy, working class glutes. He only wrestled in Biff Farrell’s spotlight in 2016, which might leave him a little lacking in momentum for a poll like this. Honestly, I think this nod to Kelly’s hot ass takes even the BG East back office boys by surprise, because I had a hard, hard time finding a posed shot showing off Kelly’s generous ass. I don’t think he’s been packaged and sold for what a magnificent butt he possesses, but fans and the nominating crew have, nevertheless, noticed. He has indy pro fans, of course, and heel fans at BG East love him, but between just one appearance and a lack of marketing attention paid to his (no less fuckable) ass, I think he’s a long shot for the title this year.
Payton Meadows
On the one hand, I’m surprised to see newbie Payton Meadows in the final heat of this race ahead of other famous ass-fan objects of lust like Ty and Cameron. Payton debuted this year in Undagear 25 and made my heart stop in Undagear 26. His ass just isn’t as round or muscular as Kid K or Van’s, but holy hell, on the other hand, Payton’s ass is as pretty as they come. Still photos just don’t capture what a fantastic, fantasyman ass this rookie possesses. As I’ve said before, I don’t think a lot of us have discovered his charms yet, and unless you put eyes to the Undagear 26 video evidence, you may not appreciate just what hypnotizing, compelling, fuckable ass he brings to the game. I’ll be shocked if he pulls it out this year, but I predict that if I see those French Canadian glutes looking that perky and pretty in action again, 2017 very well could be the year I stray from my knee jerk loyalty to Kid K.
Biff Farrell
I’m tickled to see Biff Farrell’s ass in the mix this year. Biff worked that ass hard in 3-Way Thrash 3, Babyface Brawl 4, Hunkbash 18, and his 3 Wrestler Spotlight matches. I think this side of him makes a more compelling case than his fight for Best Bulge this year. His ass is a happy compromise between Jake’s and Kelly’s. Round, strong, generous without jiggle, it suits Biff’s beefcake brawler body perfectly. I’d love to see opponent’s appreciate Biff’s assets more. He’s fucking stunning from head to toe, but opponent’s seem to inevitably dive right in to hatin’ and bashin’ on him. Slow down. On behalf of us all, marvel at the wonder that is this big, blond, blue-eyed, bulging beefcake. Take some extra time caressing that beautiful ass. If Biff’s ass was more of the story in his matches, I think I’d give him better odds for Best Butt. But as it is, Biff has a ton of fans who would give a kidney to get their hands on his ass, so he’s hardly a longshot.
Don’t forget to vote. As we all know, having the objective qualifications that make a candidate obviously superior and vastly more qualified don’t amount to victory if people don’t vote. Feel free to make your case for your favorites in the comments below.
Continuing down your BG East Best of 2016 ballot, let’s give a long, hard look at the candidates for the next two categories.
Best Body
This is such a brutal category. We could kvetch for days about the ambiguity of those two simple words: best and body. I’ve heard from a few corners a call for more diverse types of bodies for voting, which I get, and I agree with. If I’ve learned nothing else from blogging about homoerotic wrestling for nearly 8 years, I’ve learned that there is a huge range to what turns us on, collectively speaking. Well, this year the nominating committee landed on what I think is a nice range, and in yet another shocker (to me at least), Chace LaChance was not nominated, and thus won’t be eligible to defend his title. Still, this is a very competitive race in which you are sure to find someone who blows your… mind.
Beauxregard
Muscling his way into yet another best of category in 2016 is on-fire newbie Beauxregard. Beauxregard debuted in X-Fight 40 and also appeared in Dark Knights 13. He’s a mountain of muscle. I’m infatuated with his lower leg tats. I’m in awe of his monster cock. He’s a magnificent specimen built for the sole purpose of destroying other men and fucking them into oblivion. As I said when discussing his chances at winning Best Abs, I don’t know if he has the fan following yet to power him ahead of some of the other nominees. And if the plurality still swings for fitness model pretty, Beaux’s in trouble. But this is a year for upsets, now, isn’t it?
Van Sklyer
The nominating committee most definitely likes the looks of Van Sklyer, considering he’s been nominated for every “body” category, including Best Body. Again, Van only appeared in Undagear 26, just barely squeezing that match in before 2016 was up. But no doubt, he makes a big, big impression with that gorgeous body of his. He’s got total pin-up boy potential, and there isn’t an angle of him that isn’t stunningly pretty. And, of course, the face is part of the body, so those bedroom eyes and lush, thick, suckable lips have to be factored into the equation. And his ass, and his bulge, but I’ll discuss those later.
Big Barry Burke
Fans who’ve been waiting for a serious muscle monster to vote for Best Body, wait no longer, because Big Barry Burke has squeezed those gargantuan shoulders into this tight, tight field. Barry only showed up in 2016 to Demolish Kip Sorell, but like Van, that one appearance compelled the nominating committee to put him up for Best Body. The sheer size of this beast is argument enough, but I suspect his mass may distract from the fact that he’s got magnificent aesthetics. That huge, that ripped, that proportional from top to bottom. Fantastic mountain of a muscleman. When he isn’t ripping opponents apart limb by limb, he’s actually crazy handsome, as well. He could totally take this, I think, unless the pretty caucus gets behind one candidate.
Kid Karisma
Which brings us to my perennial choice for Best Body, my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma. Kid K wrestled in Demolition 21,The Great Outdoors 2, Fan Fantasy 4, and Gazebo Grapplers 18 in 2016. I could not be more infatuated with a body than I am with his. As I mentioned yesterday, Kid K also stands out for the incredible consistency he shows up with, match after match, ripped, bulging, not a hair out of place. If this is a year for pretty and fitness model factions to swing the vote, it’s got to be Kid Karisma. Gingers rule!
Kip Sorell
Of course if it’s painfully pretty you’re after, feel free to check Kip Sorell for Best Body. Kip got demolished in Demolition 20, Demolition 21, and Bearhug Beatings 2 last year. He’s got Superman’s upper body, of course, but I think his weakness is below the waist. Fans eat him up with a spoon, though, and what accounts for “best” may be everything that Kip has in abundance.
Payton Meadows
And again, I’m delightedly stunned to see the committee include Payton Meadows in the mix for Best Body. Payton showed upon the scene in 2016 and wrestled in Undagear 25 and Undagear 26. As I mentioned yesterday, I think he’s established even less traction than fellow newbie nominee Beaux, which makes him a long shot. But just read my rationale for selecting him for my most recent homoerotic wrestler of the month, and you’ll see why I say that if Kid Karisma weren’t in the mix, I’d be spending my precious vote on the French Canadian’s sensational body. Ripped. Dazzlingly gorgeous. Better complexion than Van. Prettier than Kip. If Payton sticks around in 2017, I think he could generate a massive following… particularly in that jock strap.
Best Bulge
The Best Bulge category could similarly be parsed out between various measures of “good.” However, the history of voting in this category has strongly suggested that what fans think of as Best is all about size. Pete Sharp didn’t show his gargantuan pouch at all in 2016, sadly, and it’s been ages since we’ve had the opportunity to marvel at Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!). So feast your eyes on the selection of meat vying for the title in 2016.
Van Sklyer
Yep. Again. Van Skyler made a clean sweep of the physical attribute categories, including taking the pole position (pun intended) for Best Bulge. Let’s be honest here, the part of Van’s body seared into our memories and imaginations isn’t his crotch. However, his bulge is perfectly suited to everything else about him. Proportionate and pretty, he’s swinging pipe, no doubt. He may not have the largest frank and beans in contention, but what he’s got is undeniably tasty.
Guido Genatto
Everything about Guido Genatto is huge, so it could be easy to overlook that his bulge is, as well. Guido wrestled in Biff Farrell’s Wrestler Spotlight, 3-Way Thrash 4, Last Man Standing 2, and Demolition 19. I find it difficult to zoom in on just one aspect of the “Dirty Daddy.” He’s a total package of badassness, muscle belly, edgy/over-the-edge trash talk, and total domination. I’m sure plenty of fans have keyed off on his daddy bulge, though, and he seems to be one of those characters who can do no wrong in his fans eyes. So perhaps this is his year to take home Best Bulge.
Jonny Firestorm
Jonny Firestorm’s bulge is legendary. I think I once read an interview with Kid Leopard in which he named Jonny as possessing one of the biggest cocks in the business. In 2016, Jonny wrestled in 3-Way Thrash 4, 3-Way Thrash 3, Ring Wars 25, and Hunkbash 18. I think Jonny could be the dark horse in this field, primarily based on the rabid fan following his has systematically built over the years.
Ethan Andrews
Ethan Andrews has a HUGE claim to make for the title of Best Bulge. Ethan only wrestled in Undagear 25 in 2016, which could make him relatively forgettable in the minds of voters, if it weren’t for the fact that he has a massive underground wrestling following that stretches across at least 3 or 4 different production companies. Oh, and that behemoth in his pouch. That’s just fucking hard to forget. He’s lean, which may help his gargantuan bulge seem that much more massively huge, but any way you stack it up against the competition (which sounds like fun), Ethan’s bulge has got to be one of, if not the, biggest of the bunch.
Biff Farrell
Biff Farrell is another surprise contender for the title of Best Bulge, in my estimation. was busy in 2016 wrestling in 3-Way Thrash 3, Babyface Brawl 4, Hunkbash 18, and his 3 Wrestler Spotlight matches. Honestly, when reading the ballot, I thought to myself, “Does Biff have a particularly impressive bulge?” In researching this voter’s guide, I discovered, yes, yes he does. I think this is another case of big, big muscles distracting from a very hefty pouch. His trunks don’t always accentuate this aspect of his assets, but knowing the army of Biff’s fans ready to rally to his cry, he could very well be a strong contender for Best Bulge.
Kirk Donahue
My vote for Best Bulge is going to go to Kirk Donahue, and not solely so that I can tauntingly report that he’s a huge dick. He swung that pipe in Babyface Brawl 4, Demolition 20, and Gazebo Grappler 18 in 2016. And that bulge was eye catching, even for someone like me fixated on watching his ass getting beat. There I am, over and over, reveling in his smart ass, sugary sweet smirk getting rubbed off, preferably with his opponent’s ass, and I keep getting distracted by that gargantuan bulge! Honestly, my enjoyment of watching him take a beating aside, for a babyface indy pro, Kirk’s got a seriously magnificent bulge that only one audience could appreciate to it’s fullest: you and me.
And if you think the biggest surprises are behind us, just wait!
I love how the energy picks up when the ballots are made available for BG East’s annual year-end “Best Of” awards. They dropped yesterday, and there’s already a flurry of activity, back room dealing, out and out lobbying, and possible bribery on the table. There’s something so quintessentially pro wrestling about the depths these awards drag us into. The link to the ballot is available in the banner of the BG East homepage, however, it looks like at least some mobile device browsers may not be able to view it, so you can go there directly from this link. You’ve got until midnight of next Thursday, January 12, to register your opinions.
It’s a very robust field of nominees this year. Six candidates for almost every category, and the field is packed with a nice range. Last year I ran out of time to handicap the entire ballot, so I’m going to try to move more quickly this time to take a look at the range of bests at BG East in the service of informing voters not so familiar with all of the candidates. Even at first glance, I’m seeing some major surprises in who is, and who is not, on the ballot, so fasten your seat belts and let’s start this voter’s guide to the BG East Besties. For today, let’s take a look the first two categories.
Top Babyface
The first category you’ll find on the ballot this year is for babyface. Jake Jenkins has OWNED this category for the past 4 years running. I think Jake’s possession of this title may be the longest streak in the history of the Besties. But he’s up against stiff, stiff competition this year, and I’m not just talking about Christian Taylor’s lovely erection in Wet & Wild 8. Let’s take a look at the field.
Defending Title Holder – Jake Jenkins
Jake wrestled in 3 matches released by BG East in 2016: Undagear 25, Chace LaChance’s Wrestler Spotlight, and Catch-weight 7. I’ve been a huge JJ fan from the very beginning. He’s dominant on the mats, dangerous in the ring, and totally convinced (often rightfully so) that his strength, speed, and skill will be more than a match for any and every opponent. He’s got to be the odds on favorite to win again, and I’m teetering on spending my vote on either JJ or one other particular candidate vying to unseat him this year.
Biff Farrell
My hunch is that Jake’s biggest competition, both literally and figuratively, is likely big, bulging, blue-eyed beefcake Biff Farrell. Biff starred in 3-Way Thrash 3, Babyface Brawl 4, Hunkbash 18, and his 3 Wrestler Spotlight matches. The most productive candidate, Biff also commands an army of nearly rabid fans who savor every bulge and bounce, every muscle and move that Biff possesses. So many wrestlers have worn the stars and stripes, but Biff has nearly made them his signature gear, which makes a strong case for his upstanding, patriotic, Protestant work ethic credentials as a babyface. While I’ve always bought stock in big Biff, this year he isn’t on my short list for this category, but I know for a fact he’s on a whole lot of fans’ lists.
Christian Taylor
Christian Taylor is the babyface beauty who is tempting me to abandon my loyalties to Jake this year. Christian wrestled in Mat Hunks 10, Tag Team Torture 19, Undagear 26, and Wet & Wild 8. I agree with a recent comment I noticed online that called Christian out for possibly being the prettiest penny in BG East’s pocket… ever. He’s earnest without being uptight. His coverboy good looks disguise his seriously dangerous potential in the ring, on the mats, and in the pool. And if there’s anything that just might tip my vote Christian’s way this year, it very well may be the good natured, entirely enthusiastic way he seals off 90% of his matches, win or lose, with a kiss.
Kip Sorell
Living anatomy chart Kip Sorell is always in the thick of things when it comes to fan favorite babyfaces. Kip got demolished in Demolition 20, Demolition 21, and Bearhug Beatings 2. I do think he may have the babiest of baby faces in contention this year. There’s something sort of intoxicating about possessing the face of an 18 year old (at most) and the body of a 25 year old go-go boy. He’s been cannon fodder pretty much from start to finish in his career, this year in particular. I think of him more as a practice dummy than an earnest young babyface hero, but I know full well that there’s plenty of support to push him into contention as top babyface in 2016.
Trey Dixon
Trey Dixon was one of my hottest stock picks of 2015. He was nearly MIA in 2016, however, wrestling only in Masked Destroyers 1. The living model of the Oscars statue is sex on two legs, as far as I’m concerned, and if the category was which wrestler I’d like to give an all over tongue bath to, Trey would most likely win walking away. But he was devastatingly thrashed in his one and only match of 2016, and it’s hard to see him pulling this one out against so many much more productive, hard working, nose to the grindstone babyfaces. I’m sending up a prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods that we get to see much, much more of Trey in 2017.
Kirk Donahue
Kirk Donahue is back, this time making a case for being Top Babyface in the company. Kirk wrestled in Babyface Brawl 4, Demolition 20, and Gazebo Grappler 18. I’ve made no bones about my antipathy toward Kirk. It was his shocking, nay, scandalous entry into these very Bestie nominations just two years ago that started me wanting to see this smirking Howdy Doody get his ass beat again and again. Truthfully, he probably does fall into the babyface category nicely, and he’s a phenomenal wrestler with an awesome capacity for soaking up punishment. I honestly don’t know the depth of his fan following, probably because I start bitching loudly about those shenanigans two years ago, shouting down any other opinions, anytime anyone brings him up in conversation. He’s hot shit, no doubt, but I think he’s a long shot for the title of Top Babyface, and that’s not just my longstanding grudge talking.
Best Abs
The Best Abs award has been changing hands in the last few years. Last year, it was Kip Sorell sending shock waves through the industry by ripping the title away from juggernaut and general of an army of fans, Z-Man. Well prepare for another shocker, because NO ONE who has every won this title in the past even broke into the top 6 contenders this year. Kip, Z-Man, Eli, sit the fuck down. There’s going to be a new sheriff in town before this is all over.
Beauxregard
I am shocked shitless that newbie Beauxregard made it onto this extremely competitive ballot! Beauxregard debuted in X-Fight 40 and also appeared in Dark Knights 13. There was a collective gasp heard round the internet when this muscle freak started flexing his insanely built body in the BG East ring. Spines started tingling when that gravelly base voice started making opponents’ knees quiver. And I know I’m not the only one who got lightheaded at the first look of his monster cock. Based on past performance, my sense is that voters tend toward ripped and pretty when they vote for this category. Beaux’s abs are unquestionably granite hard, and he’s taken several dozen punches to the gut in just two matches, amounting to fuck all for his opponents, other than bruised knuckles. Still, I think the newbie is a long shot for this title, this year, based on a relative nascent fan base.
Lon Dumont
Regular readers know how I feel about Lon Dumont, namely, profoundly aroused and perpetually at the ready with a bottle of baby oil to worship him. Lon only wrestled in Demolition 19 in 2016, but his conditioning in that match was spectacular. Every year, I lobby hard for this pro wrestler turned competitive bodybuilder turned pro wrestler turned competitive bodybuilder to get the praise his magnificent physique and outstanding wrestling deserves. My vote is definitely leaning Lon’s way once again, and with past winners shut out of nominations, maybe this is Lon’s year to take the title.
Van Skyler
If this is the year that pretty wins the day, then it very well could be Van Skyler dazzling his way into the title. Van’s one and only appearance in 2016 was in Undagear 26. I don’t think of Van’s abs when I think of which parts of his show-stopping physique I most desperately need to worship, but no one can argue that his incredibly lean, taut, tight abs are perfectly suited to his lean, taught, tight everything else. My sense is that Van is quickly growing a very strong fan caucus that would vote for him for absolutely anything, so he very well might pull out an upset aided by those lush, pouty lips and that jaw dropping ass. I named him first runner up for possessing the best back of 2016, but there’s no Bestie for that.
Kid Karisma
Kid Karisma’s abs, like the rest of his physique, are persistently and perpetually impeccable. Kid K wrestled in Demolition 21,The Great Outdoors 2, Fan Fantasy 4, and Gazebo Grapplers 18, and his level of fitness is both phenomenal and a constant. There’s a reason I’ve kept my title of favorite homoerotic wrestler dialed into Kid K for so long now. Well, there are several, but one of them is his spectacular body. I’m jumping the gun when I say that he continues to be my hands down, no other possible choice for Best Body, head to toe. He also may, possibly, sway my wavering hand to vote his way instead of Lon’s, but it’s incredibly close.
Chace LaChance
I’m guessing that the odds on favorite to take the title this year is likely last year’s Best Body winner, Chace LaChance. Chace wrestled in Gazebo Grapplers 18,Catch Weight 7, and in 3 matches for his Wrestler Spotlight feature. Chace has a ton of quickdraw fans who enjoy studying his incredibly sexy body probably even a tad more than they like watching his wrestling. My only ding against Chace is that there are 3 different versions of his abs that showed up in 2016 products. I’m certain that it’s more an artifact of the way that BG East releases matches out of chronological order, so I’m sure it’s entirely unfair of me to knock Chace for it, but unlike, for example, Kid K, Chace’s conditioning and the particular presentation of his abs vary from match to match (even within his Wrestler Spotlight matches). His abs are never unsexy. I’d like to saddle up to that torso and pound one out on his go-go boy body, his bruiserweight belly, and his fitness model six-pack. Maybe there’s something foreshadowing about the fact that he ended the year by beating the living fuck out of the inaugural title holder. I won’t be surprised at all if Chace wins, regardless of where my vote goes.
Payton Meadows
The last shocker in this category is my latest crush, newbie sex bomb Payton Meadows. Like Beauxregard, Payton debuted in 2016, wrestling first in Undagear 25 and then closing out the year with his highly combustible performance in Undagear 26, for which I just yesterday awarded him myHomoerotic Wrestler of the Month title. I say Payton’s appearance on the ballot is a shocker not because his abs aren’t out of this world, but because my sense has been his debut didn’t put him on a lot of radars, and the buzz about his late year match has only just really started. All of that said, going back to my earlier supposition that this title is typically based on equal parts ripped and pretty, Payton could very well be a strong contender. I still say the timing is off for him to take the title this year, but if his performance in Undagear 26 moves you even 1/10 as much as it moved me, I could easily understand how this French Canadian exhibitionist could talk you into voting “oui!” for his abs.
Like I said, I’m wavering here and there about where my votes will go, so comment below to let me know who you think deserves to win.
I had every intention of posting some more niche categories for you to chime in on as we look back on the best of homoerotic wrestling for 2016. But alas, time and tide await for no man. The clock has nearly run out on 2016, and probably not a second too soon. So instead of polling the readers, I’m just going to put forth a few of my own personal picks for the best in homoerotic wrestling in a few more categories almost certain not to show up in any official year end fan polls.
Best Back
Fuck, I love a big, broad, thickly muscled back. I suppose a lot of guys probably don’t think of the back as a particularly lust worthy. I, on the other hand, think a hot, sexy back is immense value added. It seems far too often neglected by the gym bunny crowd, making a truly gorgeous, crafted classic V and wide wing span that much more notable. Again, for my tastes, there are mechanics involved, like proportion, shape, and thickness, but that last, little, hard-to-articulate aesthetic comes down to whether a back makes me ache to slap down a massive load across the expanse of it. So, as with everything, it’s about what it inspires in me as much as any particular objective, measurable quality that we could all agree on. My top three favorite backs in 2016, in reverse order, are as follows:
Lon Dumont
2nd runner up is Lon Dumont. So much has been said about Lon’s phenomenal abs, and deservedly so. But damn, that back is a work of art! I would love to see 2017 be the year that opponents climb into the ring with Lon and acknowledge what a hot, rocking body this magnificent muscleman possesses, and fuck, that back should be on the list of things for an opponent with taste to admire.
Van Skyler
1st runner up for me is BG East’s muscleboy Van Skyler. He’s a dizzyingly sexy fantasyman from the front, sure, but fuck, that gorgeous back could be more perfect only with a stream of cum painted across it.
Scrappy
I don’t have access to better pics, but trust me, Thunder’s Arena’s Scrappy has a magnificent back. His perfect V points like an arrow that supremely fuckable ass. He’s phenomenal to watch wrestle. The attitude, the power, the beauty from every angle. But my heart rate spikes every time I see his best side. Scrappy has his admirers, clearly, but I have think that he’s one of the most underrated athletes in the homoerotic wrestling industry. He’s a handsome fucker with some sweet mat skills, but I’m waiting for him to just turn around, extend that lat spread and flex those glutes, and bring the right opponent to his knees.
Best Tag Team.
There were precious few tag team matches in homoerotic wrestling in 2016. A producer once told me that tag team matches are few and far between because it’s just too much of a pain in the ass coordinating 4 different schedules (plus the production crew). So they’re a rare treat that I, personally, enjoy immensely. So here are my top 3 favorite tag teams in 2016, picked out of some inexact formula of ring skills, beauty, teamwork and chemistry, with just a little of that extra added allure of making we want to join them in a 3 way (and I’m not strictly talking wrestling now).
Zack Johnathan (aka Z-Man) and Austin Cooper
2nd runner ups for me were the fascinating pairing of two sensational, iconic figures in homoerotic wrestling, Z-Man and Austin Cooper, teaming up for Rock Hard Wrestling in All-Star Brawl. I’m not convinced that they have a ton of chemistry when working together, but two hot, sexy stars this big and this popular make a sensationally sexy pairing.
Raving Savages Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood
1st runner ups, and thus first in line for me to climb into a petite, muscle packed, loin clothed sandwich with, are Wrestle4Hire’s Ravaging Savages, namely Zach Reno and Matt Blakewood. These bearded badasses were a thrilling surprise for me in their magnificent take down of behemoth muscle giant Mark Muscle. Despite pulling off some fabulously coordinated double teaming, I think they are just a little unequally yoked, as evidenced by Matt having to turn alpha and order Zach around a bit to finally finish off their superhuman opponent. But holy fuck, these micro beasts were a sensational turn on for me in 2016.
Team All-Americans – Rookie Charlie Evans and veteran Christian Taylor
In what has to be the hottest, most entertaining tag team match in homoerotic wrestling this year (this decade?), ginger newbie Charlie Evans joined forces with fantasy veteran Christian Taylor to bring down the house in Tag Team Torture 19. Their opponents, newbie Chase Addams and Trophy Boy Ty Alexander, could have totally taken this award, if their out of control vanities hadn’t set them on a path to self-destruction from the start. What Team Vanity lacked in teamwork and coordination, Team All-Americans excelled at. This was such a fabulous narrative of earnest babyfaces versus narcissistic heels, with the juicy melodrama of the upstanding All-Americans suffering heaping loads of underhanded brutality, and yet enduring, having each others backs, and through raw skill, will, and teamwork staying in the fray long enough for their egomaniacal opponents to make one too many mistakes. I would pay a premium for those dick selfies they snapped with Team Vanity’s phones. And absolutely, if there’s a tag team I’d most want to join for a rip and strip, baby oiled menage a trois, in 2016, it’s Team Vanity.
Best Gear
I’ve had some extensive conversations with Ty Alexander about the dangerous waters of expressing strong opinions about gear. I’m no Joan Rivers, and I hardly claim any particular expertise in fashion. But I definitely know when a particular gear choice does NOT do it for me. And, occasionally, I think to myself, that hunk was made to wear that! As with everything, there are mechanical factors that go into my estimation of gear, like fit, color, and complexion. But in this case, that hard to describe, major component of what I like has to do with me deciding, at least momentarily, that a wrestler actually may be even sexier in this particular gear than out of it (trust me, that’s a rare conclusion for me). Well, at least I think to myself that I’d like to see him in it before ripping it off of him. In any case, what I think may be the most sensational gear choices of 2016 are as follows.
Ty Alexander
2nd runner up is Trophy Boy Ty Alexander. To say that a pair of trunks look like they were made to be worn by a wrestler is, quite literally, the truth when it comes to fashion-obsessed Ty. He has an immense collection of custom made wrestling outfits that he showed off in 2016. Possibly my favorite were the opal trunks he wore in his grudge match against fleeting tag team partner Chase Addams in Tag Team Torture 19. Lush fit, beautiful contrast with Ty’s all-over tan, and generously providing reading material for when he plants that ass on Chase’s face. They tell a story all on their own, which, considering Ty’s panache for storytelling in the ring, adds compelling nuance and subtext to a match.
Jobe Zander
I let my attention wander away from Jobe Zander for a while, but suddenly, in 2016, I took another look and discovered a whole new man. I’m assuming there was some nefarious transaction with Satan involved, or perhaps a genie in a bottle, to transform Jobe into the ripped sex god he suddenly is today. However it happened, I was blown away by the super-low-rise, sky blue banana hammock he wore this summer in Can-Am’s Decrotchery 14. His hot, rock hard glutes look insanely sensational, and Jobe’s masterpiece is framed like the work of art it is. The seaming, the gorgeously tight outline of his monster cock… everything about these trunks scream Jobe. A fashion critique would likely note that the pouch pulls away from his inner thigh just a fraction as a result of a fraction too little fabric to manage to cover his famously gargantuan python. But who the fuck are we kidding. That tiny gap, the shadowed space stretched too tight at the side of his crotch, is exactly what makes this gear perfection.
My choice for Best Gear in 2016 is Rafael Valmor from BG East’s Fan Fantasy 4. Honestly, Rafael had an unfair advantage, considering Kieran Dunne made him try out about half a dozen pairs of trunks before acknowledging the obvious truth that these baby blue square cut swim trunks achieved absolute perfection. The combination of that baby blue against his bronzed, Brazilian body is so fucking lovely! But it’s the cut that boggles my mind. I swear it looks like these trunks were sewn together right on his body. From the back, they dip exactly to the top of his ass crack, squeezing each gorgeous ass cheek like loving friend. From the front, they suck to his muscled, upper thighs, and then leave exactly enough acreage to let his mouthwatering bulge stick out just right. I know, I know, I keep using the word “perfection” too often in this category, but I can think of no other description for Rafael’s gear here. Kieran agrees with me here. Mouthwatering, aesthetic, masterful engineering, absolute perfection.
Best Wrestling Character
I think of this last category like picking Miss Congeniality, only most of the time, the most compelling, sexiest wrestling personalities in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly uncongenial. As a fan, I talk about this aspect of wrestling often, the sell, not just of any particular move or hold, but of the wrestling story as a whole. There are plenty of homoerotic wrestling matches that seem to pop up out of nowhere, with the combatants’ motivation for stripping down to their barest essentials and beating the living fuck out of each other remaining mostly a mystery. But there are some sensationally entertaining hunks on the scene who absolutely emote. They set the table for us, sometimes with dialogue and explicit backstory, but often with just a smirk and a sneer. I love wrestlers who can convince me that they aren’t just waiting to clock out, but that they’re motivated and passionate about working up a sweat and settling some score. This is less about being a heel or a babyface or a jobber, but about conveying the virtual world in which hot hunks in the briefest of trunks defy gravity, obliterate the conventions of common decency, and pit nothing but their bodies and cunning against one another for a reason. That’s fucking sexy as hell for me. So here are my top 3 wrestling personalities who did all of that the best in 2016.
Aryx Quinn
I’ve missed seeing more of Aryx Quinn in homoerotic wrestling lately, but even showing up relatively rarely, he tears apart the competition in body and soul. As my 2nd runner up for best wrestling character, Aryx could easily drive fans wild with just that rocking body and those incredibly devastating wresting skills. And yet, every time he shows up, he brings that sexy as fuck, sneering, domineering, trash talking attitude that typically conveys a crystal clear motivation to rip an opponent apart in order to fuck them senseless in victory. I’d argue there’s no other wrestler in competition today who inhabits quite the wrestling character that he does with such supreme success.
Kid Karisma
My 2nd runner up for Best Wrestling Character is Kid Karisma. Kid K consistently conveys a transparent motivation for throwing down, built on several interlocking factors. He loves the way he looks, glistening with sweat and showing off his magnificent muscles, having beaten an opponent to submission and flexing over top of him. He clearly loves the way it feels, possessing another man, bending and breaking him, milking whimpers and screams out of him. Kid K sells a particularly sweet vintage of sadism without a hint of maleficence about it that’s incredibly novel and compelling. And, at least 2 times out of 3, he wrestles because it turns him on. So often, after ripping a lucky bastard apart piece by piece, you’ll catch Kid Karisma climbing on top, saddling up, and smacking down a lusty, passionate kiss. Both in his wrestling work and in conversation, he consistently comes across as a hearty partier, a prankster and a smart ass, who wrestles for the sheer pleasure of it.
Matt Thrasher
Best Wrestling Character in 2016 for my tastes was Matt Thrasher. Again, like Aryx and Kid Karisma, Matt inhabits a relatively unique persona in the business, I think. Particularly in his work for Muscle Domination Wrestling, Matt is the Daddy’s Home franchise. He’s gorgeous, of course, but he absolutely owns the salt ‘n’ pepper daddy beat in today’s industry. Youngsters of all shapes and sizes keep throwing themselves in his way, calling him old, calling him grandpa. And with patience born of experience, Matt chuckles, and then turns the ageist bullshit on its head by beating the living fuck out of every ankle biter he meets. He’s bulging and hairy and sweats like a Margarita in August, but its the way he carries that off in his seasoned, savory picking apart of young bucks that makes him such a phenomenal character. He’s never impulsive. He’s deliberate and decisive. And he persistently possesses the sexy, compelling character motivation of crushing the dreams of youth as he turns cocky kids into his sniveling bitches.
So those are my picks for some of the aspects of homoerotic wrestling that I, personally, key off of, but which don’t tend to find their way into end of year fan polls. Feel free to praise any wrestlers who you’d have picked for these (or any other) category in the comments below. And happy new year, people. Here’s to a hope and prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods that we all survive 2017 with a few civil liberties left.
We’re so close to award season and nostalgic retrospectives of the year in review that I can taste it. Remember 2016, back in more innocent times? After Obergefell, but before Emperor Palpatine was elected as Supreme Chancellor by the gullible representatives of the Galactic Republic? I think I’ll always look back on 2016 as good old days. But as we prepare our hearts and minds for the supremely sobering task of registering our votes for homoerotic wrestling favorites in this era when winners and losers all admit that democracy is a sham, I want to offer a send up to a category that we seem to never get to vote on. Best legs.
Thunder’s Arena’s Steel may have the most massive quads in the business
I sort of assume I’m one of about 4 gay wrestling fans who seriously get off on hot, powerful legs. This assumption is based on several pieces of evidence. For one, as I mentioned, there’s never a category in the year-end polls for legs. Asses, sure, but anything at lower altitude is always neglected. Further, scanning the “muscle” section of BG East’s Arena galleries, I find that there are literally 21 galleries devoted to abdominal muscles, more than 15 galleries highlighting arms (and most of the generic galleries are all about biceps), and at least 10 galleries specifically about pectoral muscles. Look closely for legs, and I can find 2 galleries, and most of the pics don’t even include full length looks at wrestlers’ legs. I have to deduce that there simply is not a raging market obsessed with wrestlers’ legs the way that I am, because otherwise, the industry would pay much more attention to hot, sexy legs.
I’ve bitched before about the way that cameras consistently dissect wrestlers at mid-thigh or higher, as if the only objects of erotic lust exist north of there. There are billions of close-up pics of pumped, peaked biceps filling the camera frame. Side chest poses and most muscular poses draw the gaze irresistibly to big, bulging, pumped torsos, but 9 times out of 10, those pin-up beefcake shots crop out 75% of a wrestler’s legs (there’s lots of math there, sorry). So I concede that I must be a rare breed who swoons like a Victorian at the sight of full, powerful, pumped quads and thick, broad calves. When we’re treated to hot shots of scissors and leg chokes, apparently the rest of you are fixated on some element other than those sexy as fuck legs pulsing with punishing power. Clearly, I must be the only one with a running fantasy (starring an ever revolving cast for the male lead) of having my erect cock squeezed to climax between the rock hard quads of a wrestler with killer lower body credentials.
Thunder’s Arena’s Eagle dazzles with size and proportion
Of course, as with everything, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I like legs strong, which means that hot legs can come in different proportions and sizes and still check my box. This also means that the degree to which a pair of legs may turn me on is likely (and I’m sure often is) enhanced by the sell of their opponent. But as for sheer aesthetics, I can’t get enough of big, thick quads with massive, low hanging tear drops. I particularly key off on legs with monster quads and multi-headed, shapely calves stacking up a rock hard foundation.
Mark Muscle is massive everywhere, but I particularly crush on those mile long legs.
For the 12 or so of us who would, if offered, lap up more focus on hot, sexy legs in this business, I thought I’d offer a send up to the homoerotic wrestling legs that grabbed my attention in 2016. Just for kicks, I’m including a poll on the BG East contenders highlighted below. Someone is going to bitch about the whole thing being rigged. Probably it’ll be the winner. What the fuck ever. Who did I miss?
So let’s take a look at the BG East boys whose legs made me do a double take and whip out my notepad. In alphabetical order. Vote below.
My favorite part of writing this blog for 7 and a half years has been getting to interview some of the sensationally sexy stars of homoerotic wrestling. I’ve had to conduct most of those interviews remotely, so it’s a particularly rare treat when geography and timing line up for me to sit down for a face to face with a wrestler willing to let me toss a barrage of questions his way. Just such a fantastic alignment of circumstances recently occurred, and I sat down with an audio recorder and super lightweight rising pro wrestler Charlie Evans. I’m not sure if the transcript captures just how much fun I had. Charlie had me in stitches, and like Charlie says, what you see is what you get with him. So when he says, “jeepers” or “son-of-a-beeswax,” there isn’t an ounce of irony in his voice. And that makes this “scrawny” ginger phenom massively charming, adorably engaging, and a three-dimensional pro wrestling character in a category all his own.
Bard: Charlie, thanks for agreeing to meet with me and chat on the record. I know a lot of wrestling fans are interested in learning more about you. You mentioned to me earlier that you’re a big fan of indy pro wrestling, even more so than mainstream pro. Who are some of the indy pro wrestlers than you like?
Charlie: So I’ve always been drawn to the size difference matches, big versus little, David versus Goliath. And I’ve always liked the high flyers. Growing up, Rey Mysterio was easily always my favorite. So I’ve always been drawn to the same kinds of wrestlers on the indy scene, like Nate Wings, Ryan Kidd, Zack Sabre, Eli Everfly. Them against the big guys.
Bard: So who are the big guys that you like?
“Son-of-a-beeswax!”
Charlie: Son of a beeswax (laughing, trying to come up with names). Terex, Brian Cage. Anytime you have the big giant guys versus the small, high flyers, that’s what I’ve always been drawn to because I’m a smaller guy, and I always thought that maybe I could take on some of the bigger guys.
Bard: I like it! And you and I have talked about this, that I think that is a cool angle.
Charlie: Before I got into this I always envisioned myself as the glorified jobber type. You know, I like seeing squash matches or whatever, and I figured that’s going to be my role. I never realized how hard wired my personality was. I’m not a pushover, and I do NOT like being humiliated in the ring. I do NOT like getting my ass kicked. I like to fight back with 110% of everything I’ve got, and I did not envision that to be the case before I started.
Bard: I think that’s awesome. I think that makes for good wrestling from a fan’s perspective.
Charlie: Especially since you start off thinking, oh, I’m going to be a jobber. And then snap, almost instantly, no, that’s not going to be me.
Bard: In the moment, I’m getting more into this.
Charlie: Right, it’s like, all right, I’m going to have a fifty-pound weight disadvantage, or a hundred pound disadvantage, and I am going to fight back with every ounce of strength, speed, agility, what have you. I’m not going to fight dirty, because I’m too nice for that. But I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to quit.
Charlie opens up a can of whoop ass on Chase Addams in TTT19
Bard: I think that’s fantastic. So thinking of you in the fight, getting provoked, getting competitive in the moment, I’m picturing your BG East debut in Tag Team Torture 19.
Charlie: First, I’ve got to say, that was one of the best AND funnest matches of my life, and I could not have been happier that that was my BG East debut. That was a kick ass match. I loved that one.
Bard: Nice! So I’m thinking of that opening sequence in that match. It’s both you and Christian Taylor, but you sort of go ballistic in that.
Charlie: Yeah! You know we get some good roll up pins, atomic drops, and I get to debut the Ginger Snap.
Bard: Tell us about the Ginger Snap.
Charlie: Oh, the Ginger Snap. First, you’ve got to brand everything, so that’s my first “patented” move. And that’s running handstand headscissors that flips the guy right across the ring. I kind of use my speed and size and stuff. You know, it can backfire though. I’ve been powerbombed a couple of times doing it.
Bard: I could see that.
Charlie: But you catch them off guard, and booya!
Charlie worked extra hard to make his tag team partner proud
Bard: Nice! Well it looks amazing. It’s very cool to watch. And it’s sort of along those lines of a real small guy who could probably easily be underestimated, who then pulls off something that is really devastating. It’s really cool.
Charlie: Just be on the look out for some other moves, like Ginger Bombs.
Bard: Excellent!
Charlie: Now, you’re going to have to wait to see what those are. You’ve got the Ginger Splash. I’ve been saying I need to go away from the “ginger” aspect.
Bard: I don’t know why. I don’t think you do.
Charlie: Yeah, well, I’ve been overruled on that one. I figured I could at least go with “scarlet” every now and then, but the ginger thing is sticking.
Bard: (laughing) Good! So, a tag team. Does that increase the competitiveness, the “I need to fight more, I need to pull my weight?”
Christian Taylor inspires tag team loyalty
Charlie: Oh gosh, yes. I’m a good guy, so I’ve got to be looking out for my partner. And when you’ve got Christian Taylor in your corner, that certainly helps.
Bard: Absolutely.
Teamwork!
Charlie: He had my back. I had his back, and the opponents didn’t really have their own backs.
Bard: They did not have each other’s backs, which was definitely the tale of that match.
Charlie: Oh, they were a bit of a mess. And you can quote that.
Bard: (laughing) They were a significant mess. I think they, well, at least one of the two of them would probably agree with that.
Charlie: Maybe (sounding doubtful).
Bard: So, over at MDW I haven’t seen all of your MDW releases.
Charlie: Oh my gosh!
Bard: I know, I feel bad about it. I was trying to do my homework beforehand, but I didn’t get to see everything. But my first introduction to you was actually your MDW work as… wait, it’s not the Riddler. What do they call him?
Bard: Riddle Man! Your Riddle Man takedown of Superman in the form of Damien Rush. Which was another example of you maybe picturing yourself as ending up a jobber in this business, and then your opening match…
Charlie: … I not only get to kick some ass, but I get my heel side on.
Bard: Yes! Was that fun?
Charlie: Yeah, I mean, when you get to portray someone like the Riddle Man, you kind of get to tap into your darker side a little bit. A side you might not be aware exists. But, yeah, anytime you can get Damien Rush’s ass…
Bard: Yes. It’s a nice ass to kick.
Charlie: It is.
Bard: And you spend a little bit of time paying attention to his ass in that match. Which I admire immensely.
Squeeze that super ass!
Charlie: Oh? I was not aware.
Bard: No? You spend, well, Riddle Man spends pretty extensive time going back and forth between trying to decide in the long run which is the best angle to go at him, from the front side or the back.
Charlie: That is right. He gave me a lot to work with.
Bard: (laughing) He does!
Charlie: Yes, both front and back. I had to give equal attention to both.
Bard: Yes, super sexy match, and again, I’m a big fan of Damien’s ass, so you gave it some hands on treatment there.
All hands on deck
Charlie: Yeah. What can I say? The Riddle Man really, really wanted to work that ass, in-between bashing some balls.
Bard: Absolutely. Anyway, fantastic to watch, very pleasing.
Charlie: And as a chatterbox, Riddle Man, he’s also a bit of a chatterbox. He had to be working with both riddles and puns on the fly. So I don’t think I stopped talking once during that entire match.
Bard: (laughing) And is that true to you?
Charlie: That’s true to me, though I’m not usually so mean! To all of the sudden on the fly realize that you have to fill up 20, 25 minutes of riddles and puns, yeah, it’s a challenge that I hope I rose to.
Bard: I think you did fantastic with it. I was recently having conversations with a couple other people about how much dialogue is too much, that kind of thing, and I’m pretty much always big on clever, on-point dialogue being a huge asset to a match. Not just sort of blabbing for blabbing’s sake, by any means.
Charlie: Well, you can’t be the Riddle Man without asking a few questions, including questions that don’t have any answers, but that give you a fantastic excuse to lay on some punishment for “wrong” answers.
Bard: Absolutely. Very good. So, most recently what I wrote a review about your most recent MDW appearance, which you did get a chance to see this review, as I remember, correct?
Charlie: I loved it.
Bard: Nice!
Charlie: I love them all. They’re always fantastic to read.
Bard: I’m incredibly honored to hear you say that. So as you probably read then, I’m a long time fan of Steel Muscle God, and I thought when MDW got him on this side of the pond, that that was a huge coup. And while I’ve enjoyed watching him, I still say he’s a little wooden, he’s not really like a natural wrestler, it doesn’t seem to me. But he’s got such attitude all of the time, that he makes it incredibly engaging.
Charlie: And he’s got those steel muscles that kind of make up the difference.
Bard: Exactly. So then, most recently, you come strolling out and find him in the ring at MDW, and get to spend about 20, 25 minutes with him. And I feel like I needed to say this isn’t exactly a wrestling match, but an incredibly compelling 20 to 25 minutes. How was it for you?
Charlie: Well, first it’s a little bit like a blur.
Bard: (laughing) Fair enough.
Charlie: What can somebody say when you take on Steel Muscle God? You are probably going to get your ass kicked. You’re a little bit in awe of the size and definition.
Bard: And you mention at the beginning, when he catches you…
“Cleaning the ring”
Charlie: I was cleaning the ring.
Bard: (laughing) Yes, you’re cleaning the ring, coincidentally with his sweaty shirt stuffed in your face.
Charlie: You know, he left it there lying on the ropes and I was just trying to be a good fellow wrestler…
Bard: (laughing) I saw that. I saw that. But you mentioned at the time, as you’re explaining why you’re there, you mention that you’re a fan. Had you been a fan? Are you familiar with his stuff?
Charlie: Oh, yeah! I was a fan of Steel Muscle God. Anybody who’s seen his work is probably also a fan.
Bard: He’s got a lot of fans.
Charlie: It doesn’t take much to become a fan of Steel Muscle God. So yeah, it was surprising, seeing him in the ring. So I did what any fan would probably do in that situation.
Bard: Right. Grab his shirt. And smell it.
Charlie: Yeah, and then maybe try to get out of there before he gets his hands on you, yeah.
Bard: (laughing) Fair enough. So along those lines, I was struck by the five senses of that match, because it starts with you getting caught smelling the shirt. Tell me about smelling the shirt.
Charlie: Oh, boy. It was definitely all Steel Muscle God.
Bard: He said he was recently back from the gym.
Charlie: Yeah, I could tell.
Bard: Good stuff?
Charlie: Oh yeah, great!
Bard: So let’s keep going. I have to say, I’m always a little enthralled with his accent. So the sound of this match…
Charlie: His grammar structure is always a lot of fun.
Bard: I love his English. It’s like, there’s never anything technically wrong. It just isn’t the way that I’d expect to hear someone say it. But he’s fluent, so it’s very cool. So, as a fan, is there anything sound-wise that struck you from that time you spent with him?
When Steel Muscle God speaks, people listen.
Charlie: Well, he’s very commanding.
Bard: He is!
Charlie: He tells you to do something, and you kind of have a hard time resisting doing it.
Bard: I got that impression.
Charlie: And if you don’t listen, he’s got the size and the muscles to make you listen.
Bard: Absolutely. And speaking of the size and the muscle, you got some up close time spent with those muscles. So let’s talk about the tactile nature of what turns into a muscle worship session. Anything that you can share?
“You can understand why this person gets his way.”
Charlie: The first time I felt the muscles and the strength I was outside the ropes and he grabbed me and literally just chucked me into the ring. It’s almost as though throwing 125 pounds is just no big deal for Steel Muscle God. Who woulda thought? And then from that point on, I resisted at first, but he kind of just pounded through it. And then when you’re actually feeling those muscles, you can understand why this person gets his way. He is a VERY solid individual.
Bard: He looks it!
Charlie: He’s got a well earned name. It felt hard as steel. Biceps all the way down to the legs. There was no give or take in the muscle. He is one of the hardest individuals I’ve ever met, and no pun or innuendo intended.
Bard: Understood. Along those lines, as much as I was impressed with him as always, I have to say I was really fascinated and giving you tons of credit for using almost every opportunity to get another feel of another angle on him.
Charlie: Well, he brought me in there, so at that point, all bets are off.
Bard: True enough. And he wasn’t exactly hating it along the way, clearly. I was really pleased with how he was getting into the pleasure of being worshipped.
Charlie: I think he may have smacked me around when I resisted a little.
“Ooooooooo!”
Bard: This is true. But even when he snaps you up in a bearhug early on and you’re sort of resisting and pushing back, and I’m thinking I’m not reading into it, that you’re enjoying the feel of his pecs in your hands. Would that be fair to say?
Charlie: Uh, they were pretty good pecs (laughing).
Bard: (laughing) And then, my favorite moments from the match have to be you in those standing headscissors. In which case your hands aren’t stopping moving the entire time, up and down his legs.
Charlie: And funny thing is, if he told me to do that, I probably didn’t hear, because my head was being crushed between those steel thighs.
Bard: It looked like it!
Charlie: So that was all me getting touchy feely.
It helps to be bendy.
Bard: I was a little worried about your neck in the face-to-crotch, the upside down standing headscissors. I was thinking, that can’t be comfortable, and he had you hanging there for quite a while.
Charlie: Well, I’m very bendy.
Bard: Which would come in handy.
Charlie: It definitely helps. But it was like being in a steel vise.
Bard: So we’ve done smell, sound, touch. Now, I didn’t know, but my sense was that there are several moments when he’s shoving your face into his muscles, biceps, chest, lots of that. And I don’t have a great camera angle on it, because, trust me, I was pausing, reversing, pausing reversing, that kind of thing, but my sense was that you might have gotten a little bit of a taste. Can you say anything about that? What does Steel Muscle God taste like?
Charlie: Oh, boy, yeah, my face was shoved pretty much all over.
Bard: It was!
Charlie: You know, I’m probably going to let the viewers’ imagination run with that.
Bard: Oh, no! Denied!
Different tastes
Charlie: (laughing) Sorry. You know, he might have different tastes for every part of his body, is all I’ll say.
Bard: Oh!? That’s a little provocative. All right, I’ll take it. And then finally the sight. He is just a pretty, pretty man. And like I said, you pretty much had a close up on every single angle of him. Anything you can say about the sight of him? What it is to take in the sight of him that close?
Charlie: Well, first, one of my biggest advantages that I think I bring to the table in a match, is that I make anybody look pretty damn good next to me.
Bard: (laughing) Really!?
Charlie: Yeah, his size, his muscles, I’m guessing everything looked even more impressive next to little me.
Bard: Huh.
Charlie: And then up close and personal, he’s not somebody you’d want to pick a fight with in a bar or on a wrestling mat or pretty much anywhere, because you’re probably going to get your ass kicked. And up close and personal, that’s just an inescapable fact.
Nailed it.
Bard: I hear that. So, in that last face-to-crotch, the bendy-required move near the end there, I was just trying to picture as I was reviewing that for the blog, and I was thinking you’re looking up. Your head is between his thighs. Great position. So his crotch is right in your face. He’s got sensational abs, big, round, hard pecs, and he was staring down at you, insisting that you look up at him. What was that sight like?
Charlie: Well you pretty much just nailed it.
Bard: (laughing) I’ve placed myself sufficiently in the moment?
Charlie: Yeah, you pretty much nailed it. It’s just one, two, three, four. You’ve got that package, right above your face, pretty much eclipsing everything else. But then you see the outline of that six-pack, or eight-pack, or whatever you want to call it. And those big, giant, mountainous pecs, and then that cocky, very alpha look, staring down at you just pretty much making eye contact and telling you, “you want to look everywhere else, but you look at me right now.”
Bard: Like I said, I thought that was very compelling, and since you said you read the blog post, you kno what I had noticed that he’s looking for your friends to join you next time. And I just wanted to clarify that I’m willing for us to be considered friends, just so you know.
Charlie: (laughing) I have lots of buddies who got very, very jealous, and would love to meet Steel Muscle God, but I will absolutely put you at the front of the line.
Bard: Nice! I appreciate that! Good, well then maybe this interview will see the light of day.
Charlie: (laughing) There’s got to be blogger perks.
Bard: I’ve been doing it for, what has it been, six, seven years? Eight years now?
Charlie: I think you’re due.
Bard: I’m due for some blogger perks!
Charlie: You’ve put in your time. I think it’s time.
Bard: (laughing) That is so funny. I appreciate that! You mentioned you making opponents look good. What do you mean by that?
Charlie: I want to carve out a niche. Every roster needs a little guy. And I want that spot. I want to be the go-to little guy in any roster I’m on.
Bard: I think that’s fantastic, and I agree. I like that, the sense of there being something particularly engaging about a size differential, you looking uphill, and then battling uphill. I think that’s very cool. I’m interested in the idea, though, that you make someone else look good. Do you not like the way you look? Do you think guys are just looking at your opponent and thinking “that guy’s hot,” because he’s in the ring with you?
Charlie: I think you’ll find a lot of wrestlers have body image issues.
Bard: I’ve gotten that impression, sure.
Charlie: Personally, you will never find me raving about the way I look. It’s one of those things where anyone who looks in the mirror is going to see flaws in themselves. You have to have enough self-awareness to take a step back and go, even if you might not care for your own personal appearance, other people might. And now that I’ve been out there on the scene for a little while now, the feedback has been fantastic, and for a kid like me, it definitely makes it easier to keep putting yourself out there when you might not have the highest opinion of your look, but you seem to be picking up fans left and right.
Bard: Yeah! Good.
Charlie: But like I said, I’m perfectly content to be the little guy. I don’t want to become some jacked muscle beast. That is horrifying to me. In fact I keep trying to lose a little bit of weight here and there, and everyone is telling me I’ve got to put on 5 or 10 pounds. But I personally think you’ve got to play up the size difference. That’s my one big advantage. You stick me next to a middle weight, and they look like a heavyweight. You stick me next to a heavy weight, and they look like Godzilla.
Bard: Right. And like I said I think there’s a ton of potential in those differentials. There’s a ton of cool potential on the side of a middle weight who can hoist you up over their head, when they can’t necessarily do that with most opponents.
Charlie: Absolutely. Let’s just say a lot of wrestlers don’t necessarily break a sweat when they’re tossing me around. And now one of my go to functions sometimes behind the scenes, I’m pretty much a living, breathing wrestling practice dummy for some of the guys. If we have to be planning matches, some logistics, you don’t necessarily want to tire the wrestlers out. So, let’s send in Charlie. You aren’t going to tire anyone out. They can practice some suplexes, powerbombs, gorilla presses. Make it look good, and then they can kick ass for somebody a little bigger. I’ve got lots of talents and uses in this business.
Bard: (laughing) Very cool! I’m not going to let you go on your body quite yet though. What kind of feedback do you get? Have you got fan feedback? Do fans of Charlie Evans reach out and tell you, “I like what you did?”
Charlie: Yeah, and I don’t always know how to respond. I have a very hard time seeing it. I never even liked my red hair growing up, but now I kind of love being a ginger.
Bard: Oh, wow! Of course, I bet you get feedback on that.
Charlie: Yeah, I’m kind of like a unicorn on the wrestling scene. There’s not a lot of small, twink-like gingers running around. So I’ve got the little guy space carved out, and now I’m trying to make inroads and claim my top ginger status. I know there’s another contender by the name of…
Bard: …Kid Karisma. Yes, I love that you’ve got your eye on the top ginger title. And I will agree with you from your summer match with Blaine that regardless of how that match turned out, I don’t think he made inroads into legitimately claiming top ginger status.
Who is the gingeriest of them all?
Charlie: Not even close. But Kid Karisma, though, he’s got a shot.
Charlie thinks Kid Karisma “has a shot”
Bard: (laughing) A shot? Yes, he does!
Charlie: And there might be enough space for the big giant muscle bodybuilder Kid Karisma and little old me over here.
Bard: I would hope that you don’t always stay on opposite sides there.
Charlie: Oh?
Bard: I would love to see that match up. Have you ever thought about a ginger-on-ginger Kid Karisma match?
Charlie: What about a tag team?
Bard: Ahh! Fantastic! See!? My gosh, the ginger moves… you couldn’t stop naming ginger moves.
Charlie: The Ginger Express. We’d just be kicking ass!
Bard: I think that would be golden!
Charlie: I think it’s time for the gingers to rise up, you know?
Bard: Yes. Yes. So fans like the ginger.
Charlie: Oh, they love it apparently.
Bard: Fans like the lean, small guy thing.
Charlie: I call myself scrawny, but they think I’m more lean.
Bard: Anything else fans rave about?
Charlie: Apparently I come across as very earnest in the ring. I wear a lot of expression on my face.
Charlie: I’ve got this kind of wide-eyed thing, I either wear a smile or I’m screaming in pain. And apparently, they do like how expressive I can be.
Bard: Absolutely. I’ve referred to that as presence. When wrestlers are present in the moment, and I get the impression they’re not thinking about something else, they’re actually experiencing this moment.
Charlie: I have a laser focus in my matches, on my opponent and what is coming at me.
Bard: I can see that.
Charlie: You know, what you see when I’m in a match, that’s me. That’s just 100% Charlie. There’s no filters or anything.
Bard: That’s how you come across. How many of your fans have mentioned your ass?
Charlie: (laughing, turning red) Ohhhhhh.
I’m not the only one who’s a fan of Charlie’s ass
Bard: I’m not the only one. No chance.
Charlie: Well, you know, this is an uncomfortable topic, because I know a fellow wrestler who has a very high opinion of his ass.
Bard: Uh-huh?
Charlie: And he doesn’t like competition.
Bard: I think I know what wrestler you’re referring to (laughing).
Charlie: And so when I’m getting complimented on mine, someone is feeling a little threatened.
Bard: I could see that. I would have thought that whole thing might have already been put to rest by the match record thus far, but no?
Charlie: He might not take win-loss records as an accurate commentary on his ass.
Bard: Fair enough.
Charlie: Honestly, I never had too much of an opinion about my ass.
Bard: Interesting!
Charlie: Yeah, but fans do seem to like it. So, you know what, I’m going to throw myself into contention for best ass. For the fans.
Bard: As one of those fans, I think that’s fantastic. I’m whole-heartedly in support of that. I think there are lots of fine qualities to different types of asses, and I think you definitely should own that, that you’ve got an ass that attracts attention.
Charlie: I will say, I don’t know for what reason, but a lot of wrestlers in the ring tend to like giving me massive wedgies. Or spanking my ass. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed that.
Lining up to get their hands on that ass
Bard: And for that, your fans are thrilled.
Charlie: I mean, my entire ass is on display. And that is not how I go into the matches, but boy, it is happening more and more frequently.
Is Ty feeling threatened?
Bard: I’m going to watch for that because I think that is something to watch for! So, how do you describe your wrestling style?
Charlie: I would like to think I’ve got speed and agility to my advantage. One of the other things though is my pain tolerance is through the roof. I am tougher than just about anybody my size. I have taken some insane beatings, from some of the biggest guys on the scene and you’ll never hear me complain or whine about any of the bumps or bruises or welts that I walk away with, and there’s been TONS of those! So my stamina, my endurance, my toughness in the ring are definitely some of my biggest advantages. And I’m trying to ramp up my high flying abilities.
Bard: Nice!
Charlie: Yeah, so in the future look for more hurricanas, flying headscissors, splashes. I want to be someone who jumps on the ropes and jumps all over the place and catches everyone off guard.
Bard: Fantastic.
Charlie: Literally throw my entire HUGE body weight at my opponent and catch them off guard. Or maybe they’ll just catch me. Who knows?
Bard: I will definitely look forward to that. And in underground wrestling circles, that’s definitely a rare breed, so I think that’s definitely awesome for you to have your eye on that.
All wrapped up
Charlie: I like to use a lot of submission moves that use my weight to my advantage. Like I already said, I’m pretty bendy, so I can literally wrap myself around an opponent, and they have to support my entire bodyweight as I’m cranking on their arms, their necks, their legs what have you, so it’s kind of the double edged sword.
Bard: Very good! Any wrestlers that you haven’t wrestled yet that you would enjoy, that would be on your list of “that would be a fun match?”
Charlie: Anybody on the online wrestling scene?
Bard: Yeah.
Charlie: I’d love an official match against Jonny Firestorm. He’s kicked my ass a few times behind the scenes. He’d be a phenomenal opponent. He’s a master of submission moves and he definitely knows how to throw out a beating. But maybe there’s a slim chance I could catch him off guard.
Bard: Nice!
Charlie: I would love to test my mettle against somebody like Brute Baynard or Guido.
Bard: You’re a brave, brave man.
Charlie: Maybe even a two-on-one match.
Bard: (laughing) Wow!
Charlie: I mean, with strictly enforced tag team rules, I’m not going to put myself too far out there and say I could take them both on at the same time, but maybe, that may be another match that I wouldn’t mind.
Bard: I think that’s fantastic, particularly since we’ve just seen Jonny and Brute and Guido in a 3-way match that for the most part ends up being a 2-on-1 that then goes into a melee. And Jonny got pretty much bulldozed, I have to say.
Charlie: Sure, and those two guys could pick me up and toss me back and forth like a bag of potatoes.
Bard: But you’d enjoy it?
Charlie: It would be fun.
Bard: That says a lot. I think we’re getting to know Charlie Evans.
Charlie: I think people underestimate Charlie Evans. So. Any other wrestlers that I would love to take on… You’ve got Kayden Keller. A little bit of a force of nature.
Bard: And another big guy.
Charlie: Yeah. I have a tendency to want to challenge myself against the best. Oh, and any time a certain Ty Alexander wants to try to take me on in a singles match, I’m game and maybe we can put other questions to rest.
Bard: I think between the outcome of your tag team match this summer, and between the potential that Ty could possibly even be said wrestler who we were referring to earlier as someone who really prefers to hold the best ass accolades all to himself, I think that could be a sensational grudge match.
Charlie: I will neither confirm nor deny that he was who I was referring to.
Bard: (laughing) Excellent.
Charlie: I’ve actually got a long list of guys, because I’m going to be around for a while, and I’m going to want to take on everybody. But another person is Drake.
Charlie: Your buddy Drake. Generally I like to pick a fight with the big guys. But Drake’s been around, and he’s shown his chops. I’m a little threatened that maybe he could take a beating maybe almost as well as me. So I would kind of like to throw myself at him and see what the outcome might be.
Bard: Well, from first hand experience, let me just say he can definitely suffer. He suffers like a champ, in fact. And, because I feel for the guy, you know… take it easy on him.
Charlie: Oh? (laughing) I’ll keep that in mind.
Bard: (laughing) Good.
Charlie: We’ve already talked about Kid Karisma. So I’m just kind of going through the whole Rolodex of wrestlers, you know.
Bard: So who would Riddle Man like to size up in the ring based on their ass? Because we know Riddle Man is into that.
Charlie: Really? He wasn’t more of a ball person?
Bard: (laughing) He was back and forth. And I do think in the end he went for the balls as the primary target, but based on my own interest in Damien’s ass…
Charlie: All right, who would Riddle Man want to take on? Well, first, Bat Stud. Come on, now. That has to happen.
Bard: Yes. That and your muscle worship release recently, I would just have those on back to back, back to back constantly.
Charlie: Now I’m trying to think if I could cross the fed. I will say this, I’m a big comic book fan and into company crossovers. So, I think there would be a lot of potential for there to be inter-federation fights and challenges, and let’s leave it at that.
Bard: That’s fair. You have been wresting for a while, but you’re fairly new. Your first MDW match has been out just about a year. And then the 2 matches from BG East this summer. So fans are still getting to know Charlie Evans. So anything else about Charlie Evans, not just as the wrestler, but what would fans want to know about Charlie the human?
Do NOT apologize for that!
Charlie: I know wrestlers aren’t supposed to talk about how nice they are. We’re supposed to project a very tough, take no prisoners visage. But I am one of the happiest go lucky people you’ll ever meet. You’re not going to see me doing a lot of cheap shots. Maybe in desperation, but if I did, I’d feel really, really bad about it. I’m somebody who, if I lay out my opponent, I kind of have to fight the urge to offer him a hand back up before the match is even done. That’s something I’m working on.
Bard: (laughing) I think you’ll need to work on that. A pro wrestler who feels guilty along the way seems like a formula for disaster.
Charlie: How can I not feel bad when I’m kicking someone’s ass who’s 50 pounds bigger than me, and they’re taking a beating from the little guy. You know, you’ve got to feel bad.
Bard: I’m not sure “bad” is how I’m feeling when I’m watching you do it, I have to say. But whatever intra-psychic thing you’re dealing with in the moment, I guess I have to honor that what’s coming out on screen is pretty damn entertaining.
Charlie: Another thing, I will always push myself to get better. I would like to show my fans and fellow wrestlers that every single year you can see improvement. New repertoire of moves. Better physical fighting condition. Hopefully an even more impressive win record, although I’m doing pretty okay for my size as a newbie right now.
Bard: Absolutely!
Today’s grunt work for tomorrow’s marquee dreams
Charlie: And I’m in this for the long haul. So hopefully the fans are okay with that, because I’m kind of hoping to stick around for as long as I can.
Bard: When we start to see more of those wedgies happening, I think fans are going to be just fine with that, just so you know. And I appreciate you taking the time to let me pepper you with questions and get into a little psychoanalysis here and there and get to know you a little bit better.
Charlie: Well, how could I ever, ever not help out one of my favorite bloggers?
Bard: You’re too kind. And I’ll believe it when I get the invitation to be one of your friends when SMG is in town next.
Charlie: You keep writing amazing reviews, and I will make that happen.
Trey Dixon’s eyes pried open to witness the spectral visage of Thrash ripping him apart in Masked Destroyers
I hope everyone had a shocking Halloween. I’m also hoping to get another photo report from our favorite homoerotic wrestlers who delight in dressing up and showing us their costumes. In the mean time, I was mulling over a topic I’ve touched upon tangentially in the past, that seems particularly relevant this time of year: terror.
I should confess I’m a terror movie junkie. I tend toward the mind-fuck variety of horror flicks, particularly the sacrilegious, but the raw, mass body count movies are also on my list. I like the extra heavy heart pump they inspire. Even when I know the outcome, I can feel the blood pulse harder through my veins when I’m watching good, terror inducing entertainment
Kip Sorell pleads with the audience to call the police, because he’s getting mugged in Demolition 20
So it’s a short hop to thinking about the element of terror in homoerotic wrestling entertainment. Just like in a good horror flick, terror is a delicate ingredient. You can’t throw in too much, too soon, or the escalating adrenaline drops from habituation. On the other hand, too infrequent, too improbable (hello, Paranormal franchise, I’m looking at you) and the heat doesn’t have time to reach a boil. And under or over sold, and the whole suspension of disbelief comes crashing down in a heap.
Muscle Match goes dark with open, vicious, bare handed strangulation
But in homoerotic wrestling, when done right, it’s incredible value added for my tastes. When a brave, cocky, impenetrable stud throws himself into the fray, gets outmatched, gets convinced that he could very well get broken, broken into, or crippled for life, the unfolding drama is sensationally arousing to me. He’s got to believe he’s going to make a respectable showing to start with. And then, incrementally, he’s got to be dragged to the despairing, horrifying truth that he’s getting owned, and his opponent is just nasty enough to seriously jeopardize life and limb. And then, that juicy, potent psychodrama has to play out on his face, in his eyes, in the rising octaves of his screams and choking sobs.
Austin Cooper is terrified by what’s Bobby Horton is about to do to him from behind in his Wrestler Spotlight 3
When done right, I get that same adrenaline pump I do when I’m watching fine horror. That, paired with hot, hard bodies and the inherent eroticism of grinding, crushing, dominating wrestling, and I’ll swing for the fences every time.
Riddle Man (aka, Charlie Evans) monologues like a supervillain about what he wants to do with SuperStud (aka, Damien Rush) and his marvelous ass in Super Men 4.4.
Interestingly (for me, at least), I occasionally stumble across this ethical dilemma in seeking out terror-rich homoerotic wrestling fare, when I come across the implicit threat of rape. On the one hand, rape is not sexy. In real life, it’s vile and destroys lives. I don’t enjoy it, and don’t get aroused by it in gay porn. Frankly, it creeps me out. On the other hand, in addition to being terrorized by threats to life and limb, homoerotic wrestling terror at least occasionally drifts into the psychodrama of sexual violence. Threats that revolve around “what I’m going to do to you when I’ve beaten you to a pulp,” start down that path. Hell, every so often there’s the pretty explicit dialogue about how a victor will fuck his cowed conquest like the spoils of war. And, all that I just said on the first hand notwithstanding, I fucking get off on that.
Trent Diesel sizes up the ass he just bought and paid for in his Naked Kombat bout with Gavin Waters
Of course Naked Kombat pretty much is all about sexual domination as the spoils of erotic wrestling. But there’s an implicit contract in the fighter’s opening introductions. They’re signing up for this. They know the stakes are win or be fucked, so it’s more like high stakes gambling than actual rape. The loser my not enjoy it, but the bitterness and brutality are mostly about the humiliation of the loss, not about being involuntarily fucked. And the more recent post-match testimonials almost always make explicit that the everyone involved had a grand old time.
Rusty Stevens and David Taylor made me forget they were being held at gunpoint in Wrestle Bait.
Can-Am has come pretty close to explicitly centering a narrative on wrestling as pretense for sexual assault. Their Wrestle Bait release made me check my political correctness credentials a few times, for example. The plot, as I remember, is that a sadistic jail guard (Jobe Zander) gets his psychojollies off on forcing inmates to wrestle for fuckstakes and freedom. Jobe literally holds a gun to their heads and coerces them to strip, beat the shit out of each other, and then have the winner force fuck the loser. If they don’t fight hard enough, he threatens to shoot them. So, guns turn me off. The threat of watching someone get shot turns me way off. The implication that the losers in each Wrestle Bait match are getting fucked against their will tugs at my conscience. But despite myself, even as I question my moral compass, I’ve pounded out dozens of times to that shit. In my defense, it was the first time I ever saw Rusty Stevens or David Taylor.
Logan Vaughn’s terror is evident once Lane Hartley plants him spread eagled in the ropes and gets into position to place kick his balls for a field goal in Hunkbash 15
But I don’t have to have boundaries crossed for the terror ingredient to spice up my favorite homoerotic wrestling fare. It’s the terror itself, rather than any questionable-consensual sex act, that’s the common thread. So when it dawns on one gasping hunk that he’s got no shot of winning, and in fact has a very good shot at spending a few nights in the hospital, and that recognition visibly washes across his face… fuck. When a sniveling pretty boy literally tries to flee the scene, crawling on his hands and knees in a primal effort to distance himself from his natural predator, I’m so sold. When he chokes and quivers on the fear, when he weeps and begs, abandoning all pretense to dignity, when he out and out screams because he’s certain he’s about to break for real, that will top me off every time.
Carter Alexander sells terror like a motherfucker in Great Outdoors 2, though I think he’s mostly just terrified Kid Karisma will stop pulling his hair (he likes that).
So today, I salute the homoerotic wrestling scream queens who toy with my moral compass and somehow shove their hands right down my pants by selling out and out terror as a device for propelling a wrestling match to a screaming, pleading, magnificent conclusion.
Reigning scream queen, bar none, Drake “don’t call me jobber” Marcos realizes the Trophy Boy may very well castrate him in Three-Way Thrash 4.
Clearly, this is the dawning of the Age of the Ginger. A full one third of the wrestlers in BG East’s 114.3 were red-headed and/or Blaine Janus. I’ve lauded Charlie and Blaine and Steven Ponce, so it’s about time I dropped some fan appreciation on this blog’s current reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler and devastatingly sexy ginger muscle man, Kid Karisma.
“You look cute!”
In the first match of Great Outdoors 2, Kid K steps into the BG East gazebo to find tall, dark, and devastatingly handsome Carter Alexander stretching out.”Who in the hell did they bring me today?” Kid K asks, apparently unfamiliar with Carter’s previous appearance, also in the gazebo, against Kid K’s favorite sexy monkey boy, Jake Jenkins. “You look cute!” Kid K acknowledges, giving Carter’s handsome face a smiling appraisal. The rest of Carter, however, Kid K finds lacking in comparison to the karismatic one’s estimation of his own sensational physique.
“I never give!” claims Carter Alexander
Carter Alexander is a tough mother fucker. Like Kid K, I find him remarkably pretty. I want to pinch his cheeks and spank his ass, he’s got such boyish charm attached to that rocking hard muscle bod. He’s particularly proud of his ripped fitness, and when Kid K swarms all over his ass to start the action, he’s buttoned up almost instantly and at the mercy (yeah, good luck with that, buddy) of Kid Karisma. “Say you give!” Kid K demands, screwing down his bread and butter body scissors and making Carter’s summer tan flush dark, angry red. The young stud screams. He whimpers. He fucking weeps like a bitch, crying, “No more, no more!” But when pressed to submit, the oh so pretty slice of beefcake grunts, “I never give!”
Carter exploits Kid Karisma’s cockiness
You know I adore… nay, worship Kid Karisma. So understand that extremely humble place from which this next comment comes from when I say that, as is so often the case, Kid Karisma gets too cocky. On the one hand, I suspect Kid K would say there is no such thing when it comes to his sensational physique and wrestling domination. On the other hand, as is so often the case when Kid K is riding rough shod on an outmatched opponent (as in, nearly every single one), he starts to preen. He winks at the camera. He flexes and struts and starts paying more attention to camera angles and the best lighting to show of his muscles than he does to the coiled mass of ripped muscle beneath him. And suddenly, Carter uses those luscious, long legs to hook Kid K mid double bicep pose and pry him backward, squeezing on scissors and pounding those world class abs.
“That’s ripped, baby!”
Carter likes being on top. He starts laughing louder the more Kid K groans. He sticks out his tongue and flexes his mouthwatering, aesthetically perfect biceps. “See that!?” he demands of the whimpering muscle veteran. “That’s ripped, baby!”
“Come on, man, you’re hurting me!”
Carter has about 18 times as much personality in this match as he did in his debut, and I have to think it’s further evidence that Kid K brings/rings out the very best in an opponent. And perhaps, this is exactly some of the fantastic formula that goes into Kid K’s match strategy, overextending, allowing himself to get upended here and there in order to pull out of his opponents something new. Or, in Carter’s case, letting the sultry, sexy stud have as much rope as he wants to hang himself with. And as much as Carter lip lickingly relishes being on top, he’s a sniveling, crying, simpering BITCH as catcher. When Kid K inevitably muscles his way back into contention, Carter withers under a barrage of pounding shots to his lush pecs and abs. “Come on, man!” Carter complains, pleadingly, “you’re hurting me!” There’s this tone in his voice to suggest that this surprises him, that somehow Kid K is doing something untoward. “Come on, I didn’t do nothing to you!” he keeps bitching as he’s stretched out seductively in a full nelson and body scissors. “Come on, can’t we work this out?” he begs. Kid K laughs at the whimpering stud. “I’ll let you buy me a drink later,” the infamous party boy replies. “I’ll buy you two drinks!” Carter ups the bid, pleading for his tormentor to take the bribe. “Come on, I didn’t ask for this, man!” Carter cries like a total spineless bully-turned-bitch. “Well, you’re gettin’ it!” Kid K laughs.
“I… I like it when you…pull on my hair.”
The wrestling is intense and convincing, so Carter’s rapid fire reversals from taunting bully to simpering victim are compelling drama. They speak to some deep seated character flaw to accompany Carter’s physical perfection. He doesn’t know who he is on his own. He relies on others to shape him. He needs to be either conquered or conquerer to get a reading on his own inner compass. It makes me sort of wonder what the fuck he’s thinking stepping into the world of BG East and agreeing to face down one of the baddest muscle heels in operation today. But when Kid K starts yanking on Carter’s hair domineeringly, prying his head backward as he crushes the stud’s throat with his gargantuan right bicep, Carter gasps, confessing, “I… I like it when you… pull on my hair.” And then, somehow, the two-sided coin of Carter’s bully/bitch reversals make sense. His defiant opening promise that he never, ever gives up, falls into place like the tumblers of a lock being pried open. He taunts and pushes his luck and showboats because he’s the one determined to bring out the best (read: baddest) in his infamously cruel opponent. Here, I thought he was getting force fed his Wheaties all this time, when it turns out, he likes it. Hey, Carter! He likes it!
Kid Karisma gets a mouthful of Carter Alexander
Probably the sexiest singular moment in this match is when the tide has turned back to the kid who likes his hair pulled. Kid K has been parading this simpering beefcake around the gazebo in a magnificent inverted bearhug. If only these two were totally naked, they’d both be sucking cock (my mouth. God’s ears.). Suddenly, Carter reaches out and grabs the gazebo railing, sliding upward and backward so he can lock his ankles together and squeeze a wad-blowing suspended headscissors. Kid K’s face is absolutely smothered so high up Carter’s ass that you can barely hear his muffled groans of shock and pain. Suddenly, Carter flings himself away from the railing and twists his body, and holy shit, uses all that momentum to flip Kid K off his feet and land, slamming down to the mat. Holy shit. I repeat, holy shit. That was a variation on flying headscissors from a total rookie!
“Yeah! Give that ass a pounding!”
But the real money shot in this sequence comes when Carter sits that lovely, mouthwatering muscle ass of his on Kid K’s chin and folds the Kid up, hooking those gargantuan rugby thighs under his armpits. Kid K is stuck like a bug underneath 188 pounds of “ripped muscle, baby!” Carter flexes his massive guns, laughing, crowing. And then he plays Kid K’s multi-award winning ass cheeks like bongo drums. Repeatedly. Rolling his head back in laughter and slapping down a rhythm you can dance to. And if that doesn’t make you blow your wad, he suddenly starts punching those very same multi-award winning ass cheeks, brutally jabbing away, grinding his knuckles deep into the muscle tissue. “You like that, huh?” Carter asks the buttoned up muscle hunk beneath him. “Yeah, give that ass a pounding!” he laughs, coming perhaps as close as any opponent has come to fulfilling the fan fantasies that keep Karisma’s tasty glutes ranked number one, year after year. Kid is fucking impotent right now. He’s getting used and humiliated. Carter pumps out another stunning, vascular, all-over-tanned double bicep and explains, “That’s what ripped gets you!”
Carter’s lips say, “No more, please!!!”
If you’re a little worried at this point that Carter may have overplayed his hand, that taunting and humiliating one of the most notorious heels in the stable is digging his own grave a little too deep, you’d be right. Holy shit (I say again), when Kid K comes roaring back into contention, he is pissed. He’s still trash talking and cracking jokes like he always does, of course. But he’s fucking bitter now. He starts using and abusing this masochistic pretty boy with total abandon. Punches, knee lifts, massively muscled rugby leg drops tenderize Carter’s abs and pecs until he’s screaming like that horrified, helpless bitch he is once again. “No more, please,” he begs (mind you, not submitting, just begging like a bitch). Kid K has had enough of believing the beefcake stud is truly contrite, only to get smacked around again. So the karismatic one just keeps clawing at those muscle fibers. He spanks that sensational purple ass in retribution. He owns every inch of the 6’1″ centerfold, and just keeps coming again and again.
Kid K rips this sniveling bitch pretty boy apart muscle by muscle
Carter is beaten (up) totally and there’s still about 5 minutes left to go. Kid K repeatedly keeps dragging the hunk up by a fistful of hair. We have to think it’s because Kid K is determined to serve up exactly what Carter has said he wants. So Carter whimpers like a fucking baby as Kid K yet again pries his head off the mat by a hair handle, dragging his beaten-bright-red body up only to get pounded down again and again. Carter keeps screaming, keeps crying. Whereas he started the match promising that he “never gives,” he can’t fucking shut up and stop giving now. I lose count, but I’m sure Carter actually submits somewhere around 2 dozen times, interspersed between begging and pleading and crying and groveling and bargaining. A less experienced opponent might think the high pitched panic in Carter’s voice is a signal to lighten up a bit, but Kid K has got the read on this hot pretty boy. So he tightens the screw tighter, over and over.
“You’re going to break me!”
The most visually stunning moment is probably when Kid K drags Carter (of course, by his hair) up to his feet and slams his back into one of the gazebo columns. Like Tarzan, Kid K leaps up to the top of the railing, hangs on the outside of the gazebo, and scissors Carter’s torso into the column while choking him against the upright. Carter snivels and weeps more. “You’re going to break me!!!” Carter gasps at one point, merely inspiring Kid K to keep doing exactly what he’s doing.
Ride ’em, cowboy!
Having watched Carter Alexander’s first match, I had no idea to expect this much personality. He’s complex and compelling. There’s that initial mystery about what could possibly inspire him to keep going as he’s whimpering and groveling and pleading like a whiny bitch (without submitting), that comes into focus when he let’s slip in a moment of ecstasy that he likes it when Kid K pulls his hair. Kid K cottons on just like the rest of us do. Carter likes more than just getting his hair pulled. Those screams, those tears, that choking and gasping and wailing and begging for reprieve at the hands of a heartless, unhearing, uncaring expert tormentor like Kid Karisma are what Carter Alexander lives for.
Assume the position
I think someone should start a GoFundMe page to offer Carter’s next heel opponent a bounty for ripping the trunks off of this sniveling beefcake, because… fuck! That ass! A pretty boy with that mouthwatering of an ass who lives for picking a fight that he’s guaranteed to lose is going to be giving that ass up sooner or later, and I, for one, would put up cash to make sure that gets caught on tape.
“That’s what ripped gets you!”
Outstanding work to both of these incredibly gorgeous, sexy studs. I’m left breathlessly hoping to see where this deathwish takes Carter next. And I still say the rest of you gingers better clench up, because if there’s another Ginger Off anytime soon, Kid Karisma is going to rip you apart!
Sidelineland 