Tag: Rio Garza

Best of…

wrestlebard10 Comments

The best of BG East in 2012 poll results have been posted.  Joe’s also posted a summary of the winners,  implying that he and the popular vote may have parted ways at several points.  Same for me, I think.  Honestly, I can’t remember who I voted for in several categories, despite the fact that I voted just a few days ago.  It’s probably the remnants of my anti-inflammatory and pain meds working their way out of my system.

Sexiest  Match: StripStakes 3 – Morgan Cruise vs Damien Rush
I do like numbers though, and I’m happy to see a few more data points available than just who won. For example, Morgan Cruise’s rip ‘n strip ‘n force to cum rookie welcome of Damien Rush in StripStakes 3 scored the trophy for sexiest match in 2012, but check the stats.  The match I voted for, Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod’s insanely sexy 2-on-1 destruction of achingly adorably Stinger in Masked Mayhem 9 was just 1 percentage point behind.  I think the heat of this competition deserves seeing Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod tag team once again, this time against Morgan and Damien!
Best Mat Battle: Matie Rookies Eli Black v Jake Jenkins

I was with the herd in selecting best mat battle.  Jake Jenkins and Eli Black’s Mat Rookie confrontation is a match I think will stand the test of time.  And it was 20 percentage points ahead of 2nd place!  When we do a best of the best vote for the next decade anniversary or 100th catalog of BGE, I think Jake and Eli could contend for the title against a broader field.

Best Ring Match: Babyface Brawls 2 Austin Cooper v Cameron Matthews
I can’t remember for certain, but I think my vote for best ring match went with runner-ups Jonny Firestorm and Jake Jenkins in Jobberpalooza 12: The Works, rather than category winners Cameron Matthews and Austin Cooper for Babyface Brawl 2.  I wouldn’t argue with that outcome at all, really, even though just 5 percentage points separated 1st and 2nd place.  I thought that was a very competitive category with several very worthy contenders.

Top Babyface: Jake Jenkins
For best babyface, I think I again went with the herd in picking winner Jake Jenkins who pulled it out by 6 percentage points over Austin Cooper.  There are extremely fierce fans in both of these boys’ camps, so I’m not surprised they rose to the top.  I’m sort of pleased that of the two, Jake topped Coop.

Top Heel: Jonny Firestorm

Honestly, I just can’t remember who I voted for top heel, but it could have been winner Jonny Firestorm who beat out equally likely candidate I may have voted for, Kid Karisma, by 11 points.  Since there was no category for most mindblowing forearms (next year, people!), I’m glad Jonny tucked this one under his belt.

Best Squash: Jopperpalooza 12: The Works Jonny Firestorm v Jake Jenkins
Best squash was not close at all, but I sided with the 17% of decisively swung for Kid Karisma’s gorgeous, sexy beatdown on Skip Vance in Mat Mayhem 23 rather than category winner Jonny Firestorm and Jake Jenkins for Jobberpalooza 12: The Works.  I’m glad The Works got a shout out somewhere in the poll results, though.  And the writing was on the wall, really, with Jake voted top babyface and Jonny voted top heel!

Jobber of the Year: Rio Garza
Jobber of the year went to fan favorite Rio Garza by 9 percentage points over my pick, Skip Vance.  Rio’s got an extremely loyal and not infrequently aggressive (to the point of rude) fan base that makes this result unsurprising to me.  For my tastes, however, Skip is much more a classic jobber and entertaining sell.  Rio’s awfully entertaining to watch job, too, though.

Debut of the Year: Eli Black
Again, I think was with the herd in picking Eli as the best debut of 2012 by 12 points over Damien, though this could easily have gone a different direction and I’d have been entirely on board.  It feels like Eli’s been at BG East for years and years, which suggests to me why this was, as Eli would be happy to tell you, his year!

Best Spotlight Release: Wrestler Spotlight: Austin Cooper
Best spotlight release feature was an 11 point spread between Eli and category winner Austin Cooper.  While this doesn’t surprise me, and if I were a betting man I’d have put money down and made money back on this outcome, I placed my vote for last place winner Denny Cartier because his Leopard’s Lair 4 anchor position was fucking AWESOME, and essentially 4 barnburner and brutal bouts for the price of 2.  I love, love, love me some Denny Cartier and one of my fondest wishes for 2013 is to see him tap into a nasty streak and headline a new category for next year’s voting: best heel turn!

Best Abs: Eli Black
Best abs was a surprisingly (to me) narrow victory of 2 points by Eli over Jake.  What makes for “best” when it comes to bodies and their parts is, obviously, subjective, however my vote went for Lon Dumont by a mile and a half.  At the risk of pissing off Eli, I just have to say Eli’s phenomenal 8-pack seems to me to be about 60% conditioning and 40% mass, whereas Lon’s anatomy chart abdominals (the whole pacakge: serratus, obliques, abdomini) are a more aesthetically balanced and all around stunning beauty.  I don’t begrudge Eli’s victory at all, mind you, but I just shake my head and contemplate my vast distance from the herd when I see that Lon placed last.  For me and my tastes, I think this calls for a Lon v Eli gut bash in 2013.

Best Bulge: Mr. Joshua Goodman
I was, however, right in the middle of the pack in voting for best bulge winner (by 4 points) Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!), who slapped down his junk to power hit past Gabriel Ross’ anaconda.  There wasn’t one candidate in this field that couldn’t easily own the title, and I’d go so far as to say that this year was a bumber crop of mountainous packages. Now the task for 2013 is for one of those club boys that he likes to take home and challenge to wrestle for the chance to put Mr. J on his knees, to literally shock the pants off of Mr. J and finally, finally, finally unleash the beast within.  I guarantee I’ll buy three copies of that release!

Best Butt: Kid Karisma
Best butt was a horse race between category winner Kid Karisma and 2nd place finisher (by a nose) Cameron Matthews.  While we can’t go wrong with any of the contenders for this title, I’m happy to admit I voted for and was campaign chairman for Kid K’s glorious glutes to grab this title.  Again, I say, the ferocity of this competition clearly warrants a Kid K v Cameron rip ‘n strip ring battle to be decided by who makes whom kiss his ass. I’ll pay a premium for a front row seat to that one!

Best Body: Rio Garza
Best body again revealed the distance between me and the herd, with Rio Garza taking the title by 4 points over 2nd place Austin Cooper.  Arguably, this could be the most subjective of all of these wildly subjective categories, because what bodies turn us on follow such divergent tastes in bodies among wrestling fans.  If this were strictly about physical conditioning and muscle mass, the 2 bodybuilders at the bottom of the heap, Magnus and my choice Lon Dumont, could have easily vied for the top spots.  Again, this line of reasoning makes my loins ache to see Magnus and Lon in a head-to-head catchweight ring match of bodybuilding beauties.  However, 21% of fans preferred the body of beautifully proportioned, lickably smooth Rio, which I get, despite my tastes drawing me strongly elsewhere.

Hottest Liplock: X-Fights 34 Gabriel Ross and Drake Marcos
The final category placed me back among the masses in selecting the blazingly hot X-Fights 34 match between Drake Marcos and Gabriel Ross, obliterating the competition with 54% of the vote!  Truth be told, I could easily be tempted to swing for the incredibly sexy and, yes, I’ll say it, wrestling romantic liplock that Enforcer slapped on Maskador in Masked Mayhem 10 as the ripped hunk hung battered and helpless in a tree of woe, halfway to being entirely unmasked.  I admit it: I’ve also gotten off to that scene from Spiderman where Tobey Maguire hangs upside down, his masked half pulled off, as his co-star sucks hero face.  Gorgeous fantasy!  But holy hell, the heat generated by Drake and Gabriel could heat Reykjavik for year!
What a year!  BG East pieced together an incredible collection of outstanding homoerotic wrestling, and all of the nominees and the entire catalog of 2012 releases deserves all this and much more credit.  Nicely done, gentlemen! 

Enjoy

wrestlebard1 Comment

There are less than 12 hours for you to register your votes in BG East’s Best of 2012 poll, so get to it!  My last post, urging you to fulfill your civic duty and vote, generated some consternation from a couple of folks concerned about my electioneering.  I hear your concern, and I respect it.  But I humbly point out, this isn’t rocket science.  Have some fun with it, my friends.  Campaign for your favorites.  Enlist random friends to sign up and stuff the ballot box with your slate of picks.  Lighten up and enjoy.  It’s homoerotic wrestling, after all, and if there’s anything that should guide us in reflecting on it, it’s enjoyment.

Rio’s Bad Day: Nominee for Best Spotlight Release of 2012

More to the point, we the electorate can’t really go wrong in this one.  Unlike national elections for public office, it’s not like there’s any one potential candidate who could rip apart the fabric of civil society.  To assist, not to campaign, let’s take a look at the nominees for best abs as they appeared in 2012 releases.  Seriously, there is no “wrong” choice to be made (and you can select a write-in candidate).  So have at it!

And the nominees for Best Abs of 2012 are…

Eli Black
Austin Cooper
Alexi Adamov
Lon Dumont

Jake Jenkins 

As the World Watches

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I actually wasn’t going to post today, but a very sweet, direct appeal from a reader for something to divert his attention from election day anxiety convinced me otherwise.  I’m not sure what topic is appropriate for a day like today, as Americans go to the polls to cast votes with such big potential to impact people around the world.  We have way too much influence on the well-being of people worldwide, those of us who live and vote in the US.  So many people may prosper or suffer based on the (let’s face it) fickle and often superficial election choices of Americans.  So today, I honor those who have to sit on the sidelines and watch the wingnuttery of American politics play out yet again, just hoping that those crazy Americans won’t elect a(nother) nutjob who will start yet another war of expedience, exploit more of the earth’s resources while ignoring the impact of our exploitation on the global climate, or arm more wingnuts worldwide to fight wars of ideology that ultimate do nothing but increase overall human suffering.  So here are a few of the fantasy men I lust after who today, as far as I know, don’t get to vote in the 2012 US election…

Even armored in newly minted, mouthwatering muscle, high impact x-wrestler Gabriel Ross can only sit back and sip his tea, hoping that those crazy Americans get it right.  Then again, Gabriel and his UK buddies have their own political insanity to sort out on their side of the pond…

Monstercocked leatherboy Rob Chandler and dizzyingly handsome x-wrestler Chris Xaos both command my lustful adoration.  These gorgeous, nasty battlers do such things to me! But one thing that they can’t do: cast a vote for the American politicians who will undoubtedly have undue influence over the world economy and their own local well-being in the UK.  Truly, I’m sorry boys.

Ben Monaco and his hot and hairy pecs are Canadian, which is a particularly hard place to be on a day like today, I’d think.  There’s so much American shit that rolls down hill and across our northern border.  Again, Canada’s got their own bizarre politics to cope with, but at least they have universal health care.  And if it’s any consolation, at least Ben and his compatriots will have another 3 years or so before they have to hear completely ignorant and misleading American political ads warning against being “too much like Canada.”

Rio Garza compete for Mexico in fitness competitions, though his livelihoods seem intimately tied to his commercial success in the US.  I can’t imagine what the US campaign season looks like from south of the border.  Even worse than for Ben and the Canadians, Rio and his countrymen can almost certainly count on being continually demonized as the barbarian hordes beating down the gates of America, all of them drug dealers and mafioso murders who want nothing more than to sneak across the border in order to sit in their lazyboys and soak in all the free shit American’s mistakenly think we provide anyone, much less undocumented immigrants.  It’s guaranteed that U.S. policy makers will bat around Mexican interests like a cat with a ball of string, but do Mexicans get to have any voice in directly influencing their overly wealthy cousins to the north? Despite wildly misleading allegations of voter fraud (always implicating Central and South American immigrants), the answer is no.

Vlad Varek is billed a Russian cage fighter who made just one trip to this country to beat the living shit out of a few weak-assed Americans.  True story or promotional gimmick, I can’t actually attest, but if Vlad is indeed from the motherland, he’s also got to be wondering just how much more saber rattling American politics will get based on who we elect today.  The right wingers in this country still try to dabble in resurrecting Cold War terrors to motivate the electorate, and let’s face it, Russians have more than their fair share of both widespread corruption and undue influence over their neighbors, near and far.  But whether the US will keep trying to put the boogeyman mask on them or, conceivably, deploy actual diplomacy that doesn’t come at the point of our over-estimated sword, Vlad and his peeps can only wonder.

I’ve got a crrrrazy infatuation building for the particular combo of Dan the Steel Muscle God and the return of his plaything, Wimpy Boy.  These Hungarian beauties have managed to reach halfway across the globe and grab me by the balls with the intoxicating chemistry that they’ve got going.  I sweat to god, I’d do a lot of things for the chance to get my hands on SMG, but I’d give my left kidney to round out the entirely naked threesome with BOTH SMG and Wimpy Boy.  I have no idea what their politics are, but if they know what’s good for them, they’d better be hoping for increased prosperity for their army of gay US fans.  Whether they think that would come from re-electing President Obama or siding with $Romney$ and Ayn Rand budget slasher, it doesn’t really matter, does it?  Because Hungarians don’t get a vote in our crazy hot mess of an election in the US.

I’m sure there are more citizens of the world in our homoerotic wrestling universe, but those are the ones I could come up with on short notice.  Whether this little jaunt across the globe actually serves as a distraction or not from the insanity of election day in the US, I don’t know.  But for those of you like me feeling extremely tense and at least a little nauseated today with worry about the future of the US and our social and civil rights, I encourage you to pop in a homoerotic wrestling tape, lay back, and pound yourself into a stupor until the political ads start to fade.  After you’ve voted, bitches.  But then, let your favorite wrestlers take you far, far away.

Seeing the Lights on the Ceiling

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I resist the strong temptation to select homoerotic wrestlers of the month as a lifetime achievement award.  Some work horses in the business have been consistently wrestling high quality matches for the long haul, but for my of-the-month title I try to consider only the matches released within the past month.  Cameron Mathews (listed also as Cameron “Matthews”) has been starring in inspired homoerotic wrestling matches for over 7 years since he debuted with BG East, including 25 matches in the ring, on the mats, in the gazebo, and in two of his own Wrestler Spotlight compilations. I’m not sure exactly when he started wrestling with Thunder’s Arena, but he’s appeared in an astonishing 25 matches for them, as well.  15 Cyberfights, 3 Can-Am matches, and directed and starred in 4 “East Coast” battles distributed by Can-Am.  This incredible list doesn’t even broach the subject of his mainstream indy pro wrestling resume (mostly because there’s just too many matches to count, but also because it’s fundamentally a step to the right of where my primary tastes lie).  If I ever start awarding lifetime achievement awards, Cameron is obviously an instant favorite!  But in the of-the-month head-to-heads, July 2012 was the month that Cameron twist-tied the competition around the ring post and came out on top as far as entertaining me hardest.

Cameron claimed the title and wrapped it up in a bow.
Sporting an astonishingly sexy body that’s miles away from this long, lean, even skinny days as a rookie, Cam owned my adoration for teaching fitness model goldenboy Austin Cooper to think twice before he climbs into the ring with an indy pro veteran.  While true, Austin ends up with his boot planted on Cameron’s chest, pumping out a victory flex, I’ve got eyes and ears and a hard-on primarily for the power, beauty, and above all, the story telling of my homoerotic wrestler of the month, Mr. Mathews.

Cam’s the man making Austin flinch in anticipation of his next beating
Warming my heart and turning me on even harder, I got a message from Cameron about a day after awarding him the title.  Like Cage Thunder last month, Cam thanked me and not-so-subtly pointed out that “it’s about time.”  Knowing that he’s reading neverland only cements my infatuation and loyalty for Mr. Mathews.  His willingness to join the conversation and grant me a brief interview demonstrates that he’s not only a hunk, not merely an outstanding ring wrestler, not just in possession of a world class ass, but he’s also a gentleman who’s got his fans in mind as he does his thing.  Here’s a glimpse of what’s going inside the head of the reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Cameron Mathews.
——–
Cameron Mathews – Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month
Bard: Thanks for agreeing to take some questions for neverland readers on the occasion of being selected as the reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month! Finding out that a favorite wrestler reads my blog fills me with both excitement and dread. If there’s anything I’ve written about you in the past that’s pissed you off, I apologize! Now, I know you’re busy, because you’ve got to be the hardest working wrestler on the planet! I only halfway track your live pro wrestling events, but with the amount of airtime you’ve had on DVD and internet wrestling sites, it seems like you’re wrestling 24/7! What keeps you focused and getting your butt back on the road for your next match?

Cameron gets creative all over Austin’s back

Cameron: I think what keeps me going with wrestling is that it is fun. Even when I have a “bad” match I still have fun. I enjoy being creative. I enjoy being the first, or one of the only people who can do things. I like learning. There’s always something to learn and always something to improve on…or try doing differently.

Bard: Very cool! Your creativity and innovative spirit is clearly evident to me! Speaking of butts (see how I worked that in so smoothly?), yours generated a collective gasp, sigh, and then several grunts from the legions of gay wrestling fans the first time we saw you wrestling for companies like BG East, Thunder’s Arena, and Can Am. Do you wrestle any differently when you know that your audience is primarily gay, as opposed to when you’re doing shows in front of (presumably) straight audiences?

That….. ASS!!!!!

Cameron: Ha-ha on the smooth transition. The matches in front of a live audience have to be more varied than the studio matches due to time restraints, audience attention span, and other factors. Pro matches are expected to be exciting and quick, especially on television. With a studio match you are able to tell a better story. More drama. More detail. I prefer longer matches.

At least on camera, Cam gets “impolite”
with fitness star Rio Garza.

Bard: Me, too! I love a good story and lots of drama in wrestling, and I think you’re one of the best at doing just that. I’m guessing that you must be good to work with, because you’ve worked with pretty much everyone and they seem to keep asking you back. Based on that premise, I’m also deducing that you’re a genuine professional, in the best sense of the word, and you probably don’t often talk shit about other wrestlers. So I won’t ask you to name any names… just tell us some backstage dirt on some of the boys you’ve worked with. You’ve wrestled everyone!

Cameron: I try to be a polite when I’m in new places. I am actually probably the one you hear stories about [laughing]. I am passionate about wrestling. As for the other guys, that is their business. There are guys out there that I do not get along with. Both in pro and studio. I try to remain professional and polite. It doesn’t always work.

Bard: Very diplomatically stated! Surely you can name some names when it comes to who’s been the best to work with. I interviewed Lon Dumont a year and a half ago, and he certainly speaks highly of you. Do you strike up any real friendships with other wrestlers in the crazy busy schedule you keep?

Cameron and Big Sexy stay in touch.

Cameron: As for some people I’ve become friendly with, Big Sexy is a good friend and badass fighter. Lon was my first real pro wrestling trainer when I was 14. He’s actually helped get me in shape. Coupe from Thunders is a great guy. Zman is always fun to be around. Always smiling and wanting to try crazy wrestling ideas. Jonny Firestorm is probably the person I most relate to. Just really started to chat and hang out with him more often. Aryx Quinn and I stay in contact. He’s always traveling North America. I enjoy all the guys who run the products. They are all unique and smart men.

Bard: Good to hear! That’s a diverse collection of guys that you’ve connected with. So your physique in your newly released match with Austin Cooper for Babyface Brawl 2 is astonishing! Not that you haven’t always been a stunning looking specimen, but damn! Have you been on a new diet or training differently lately? Do you see the transformation in yourself that so many fans have been appreciating?

Lon Dumont whipped Cam’s muscles
into shape (and charged him for the privilege!)

Cameron: Like I mentioned, Lon worked with me on a diet and workout plan. Even charged me! I actually got “too lean” so I stopped doing the diet. Well-worth the price though. He is extremely talented.

Bard: I seem to remember from Lon’s first BGE match him explaining, “I don’t just give this away for free.” Apparently that goes both for flexing and for training! I’m sure you hear more than you can stand from fans and critics about what they want to see more of from you. Armchair critiques (and I freely admit I’m one of the worst offenders) seem to have a never-ending stream of opinions about wrestling and wrestlers. From your side of the equation, though, what would you like to see or hear more of from fans of wrestling? More praise? Less pirating? More appreciation for the athletes, the injuries… what would you wish for fans to “get” more about the work that you do?

Cameron: I’ve been wrestling professionally for like 12 years now and I just read from a blogger that I was “green.” He reassured everyone who read that I had lots of potential and was good. I’ve been told I am good. I’ve been told I suck. I’ve been told I am good…all in a few weeks by different pro wrestling “names”. If I suck, tell me why I suck. I’ve always disliked hearing that there was nothing that I could’ve done better…because that was a lie. With that being said, if you don’t like me tell me what I can do better. If I’m good, tell me you like it. I don’t know what people like. I know what I’d like to do or expect to see…or not expect to see. It’s all trial and error.

Bard: That sounds like a healthy and extremely mature attitude. I’ll take that as my cue to keep reviewing and critiquing (and praising!) your work. Like I said when I named you reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month at neverland, I love your sense of humor, your rocking body, your awesome sell… you’re a star, which makes your willingness to take a few questions from me an absolute thrill for me. Is there anything else that you’d like to say to your gay fans out there that have been dropping me notes over the past few days telling me that it’s about goddamn time I recognized you as homoerotic wrestler of the month?

Cameron: I received a text from Al in New Jersey to check out the blog. I read the article and looked at the sidebar but didn’t really “catch on” until the end. It was very cool to be given that honor…and it only took 7 and a half years to do it [laughing]. I actually texted Lon about it.

Bard: Well, in my own defense, I’ve only been blogging for 3 years, and I’ve only been naming homoerotic wrestlers of the month for 2 years. But your point is well taken and something I’ve heard frequently from your fans in the past couple of days. It’s about time you got your well-earned honors!

Cameron: As for my fans, whether gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, asexual or undecided…I just am glad that I have been allowed to live the dream of being a pro wrestler and seeing the world. I don’t think I could’ve done so much had I not been exposed to wrestling, both pro and film. So thank you for letting me see the lights, even if they are on the ceiling.

Bard: I’m a huge fan of wrestlers being exposed! And I’m officially a huge fan of yours. Thanks a lot, Cameron!

Joshua Goodman is hell-bent on giving Cameron more exposure!

Cameron: I’ll also be opening a new site sometime but thats neither here nor there. Thank you again.

Bard: I look forward to hearing about the new site!

Chasing Rio

wrestlebard1 Comment
JoshH gave me a heads up that Rio Garza, who competes in fitness competitions as Alan Valdez, won the Model Universe 2012 Overall title last week! Our little boy is all grown up, and just like legions of homoerotic wrestling fans, the fitness model world can’t take their eyes off of Rio’s ripped, gorgeous body. 

Reports are that Rio/Alan longs to be the most successful Mexican fitness model in history. While I’m no expert, I have to guess that he can check that box as he hoists his Model Universe trophy overhead. His proportions and fitness, particularly when he’s ripped, are superhuman! I’d expect to see a physique like this in the Louvre, or reclining in a toga on Mr. Olympus, so a Model Universe competition victory for this smoldering beauty seems somehow anti-climactic.

JoshH has mentioned to me often what an epic score it was for homoerotic wrestling fans when lovely Rio dipped his suckable toes into our corner of the pool. If you’ve lived under a rock for the past 3 or 4 years, you may not know that he’s wrestled for Rock Hard Wrestling (as Ray Martinez), for BG East, and for Can-Am. He’s featured in the just-past BG East catalog getting caught up in between some tough daddy-cub conflict in his self-titled Rio’s Bad Day. Rio’s Revenge is still on the list of “most popular titles” for Can-Am. Mr. Model Universe 2012 at the mercy of sadistic underground wrestlers putting on the show for gay eyes is, without a doubt, quite a score for homoerotic wrestling fans!

Cameron and Paul make Rio reconsider if he really wants to be a pro wrestler!

While Rio is living large on the stage of his fitness competition life, his journey through homoerotic wrestling products has been a tougher row to hoe.  It’s no wonder that every sadistic bastard in wrestling can’t wait to get their hands on his award winning physique. “Pretty” can be like a giant red target on the lickable ass of a fitness model, and muscleman lovely Rio is dripping with pretty.  Put him in the room with a couple of high flying indy pro veterans like Cameron Mathews and Paul Hudson, and just sit back and wait for the double team pec claw and neck breaker combo to bring godlike Rio to screaming, humiliated submission.

Rio shoves his lust for revenge in Jobe Zander’s face.

I’ve complained about Rio often not quite striking a selling combo of erotic and wrestling to fully satisfy my homoerotic wrestling fetish. However, his more recent appearances are scratching an itch that I’ve long longed for an ambitious Mexican fitness model to scratch. Exacting revenge on frequent tormentor Jobe Zander, the Latino adonis’ schoolboy pin, slapping down his junk on the throat of the notorious heel, is poignant homoerotic character development for an innocent, naive poser like Rio.  It seems like Jobe has finally, finally, finally awakened the beast, and whether Rio ends up on top or not, a fitness model flex with his balls dangling in his opponent’s face can feed my hunger for quite a while!

Sweaty Rio opens wide for dominating muscle god, Kid Karisma.

There’s probably nothing tastier for my taste buds than the first sight I caught of Rio wrestling, on the receiving end of a schoolboy pin this time, with the battering ram of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, ripped red-headed musclegod Kid Karisma resting on his chin, in BG East’s Undagear 15. Rio’s wrestling “prowess” back then wasn’t what was yanking my chain, and the confrontation earned nothing but dripping contempt from the Karismatic one, whose tastes and opinions I tend to follow with somewhat worshipful adoration.  But the visual contrast of these two fantasy men, with rippling Rio coated in sweat and flat on his back with his jock-strapped ass cheeks vulnerably spread at the mercy of Kid K’s flexing physique does all sorts of wonderful things for me. With “legitimate” mainstream fame under his belt, I have to wonder if new release Rio’s days are numbered. Likely, they already were, I imagine, as the producers of new content dip into their unreleased catalog to keep muscle-in-trouble fans sated with suffering Rio. While his homoerotic wrestling career left me flipping through other pages at points, I whole heartedly agree with JoshH on two points: homoerotic wrestling fans were lucky to see his likes performing our fantasies, and he deserves a hearty congratulations and best wishes for more modeling successes to continue. Keep flexing, Rio!

Aw, Shucks

wrestlebard3 Comments
Thunder’s Arena’s Python (and his goofy grin)
On Friday I started off my review of the top biceps that turn me on in homoerotic wrestling by marveling at the fierce pythons on Thunder’s Arena’s new muscle boy, Python. I also mentioned in passing, among Python’s many notable features, he’s got a damn adorably goofy grin. I haven’t seen his debut against Angel yet, but his photo shoot pics are full shots of that toothy, awkward, cute-as-a-button overbite from the slammin’ gorgeous bodybuilder. The “aw shucks” homoerotic wrestler has a strong appeal for me. The “aw shucks” wrestler is that rookie who, whether he’s got the guns to blaze like Python or not, he sports an undisguisable self-consciousness about him.  He looks like he’s got an ocean of insecurity swirling just underneath the surface of a barely managed game face.  Without words, he communicates with perfect clarity, “aw shucks, I’m just lucky to be here.” He knows we’re looking at him, marveling, fantasizing, and he feels like he should probably do something, flex just so or say something witty, but all that he’s got at the moment is that “aw shucks” goofy grin.
Thunder’s Arena Dallas goes from  “aw shucks” to “oh, shit!”
Thunder’s Arena puts up more than their fair share of “aw shucks” wrestlers.  Before his recent match with Coupe, Dallas adamantly insisted that between the two of them (both with spotty win-loss records, to say the least), he was the bigger chump. Coupe couldn’t believe that Dallas could possibly be as much of a jobber as he is. But the look on Dallas’ face as they faced off in speedos is priceless. It morphed delightfully from “aw shucks” to “oh, shit!” Coupe is an extraordinary muscle freak, and Dallas, while delightful to look at it, is relatively soft and crunchable standing vulnerably in Coupe’s shadow. Self-conscious vulnerability, stage fright, a little bit of “what the fuck am I doing here?!”… it can be a nice element in the typically over the top battle of narcissists who more frequently populate the scene.
Big Sexy and PeeWee give the “aw shucks” wrestling motif 4 thumbs up.

Thunder’s took Aw Shucks to (and possibly over) the edge of credulity with the infinitely fuckable babyface who wrestles diminutively as PeeWee. PeeWee showed up to audition for Thunder’s knowing full well that he’d get his ass kicked. Big Sexy is more than happy to make PeeWee’s prophecy self-fulfilling, but PeeWee keeps the “aw shucks” attitude going from start to finish. He’s a hot little muscle stud with some unquestionably hot moves of his own, but even when he’s working some rare riding time on Sexy, PeeWee is profoundly insecure and self-deprecating. Even when he’s got Sexy so compromised that he could (if he chose) yank down Sexy’s trunks and fuck his ass, PeeWee is supremely self-critical and predicts his own demise. Bulging muscles, bulging pouch, bulging insecurity… this works for me in many (though definitely not all) cases.

Showing up for his BG East audition sexy Alexi Adamov
grins nervously for approval from Brad Rochelle.
Thunder’s, however, definitely doesn’t corner the market in “aw shucks” wrestlers. These days, tall, tasty Alexi Adamov is all about that deep bass rumble and a tenuous certainty that he can, on any given day, kick some ass.  But in his first BG East match, showing up for a faux “audition” after the stealth coup of the compound by heel-turned Brad Rochelle, Alexi is one great big, luscious, gorgeously smooth, ridiculously pretty slice of humble pie. Brad, getting his kicks off of fucking with the newbie’s mind, requires that the Russian babyface try on several possible gear choices, each one more made-to-order for a jobber beatdown than the last. Alexi poses for Brad, obeying the veteran’s instructions, proud of his beautiful body but seemingly easily unnerved by Brad’s strategic verbal jabs and slights. Alexi is just pleased as punch to get a shot at the world of BG East, and recently emerged heel Brad is like a hungry spider, slowly luring the fly into his web to slowly, mercilessly suck him dry.
Morgan Cruise – too smiley to heel?
Morgan Cruise is a quick study, learning nasty-ass lessons from the likes of pro veteran (and current contender to re-take the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division) Lon Dumont on the nuts and bolts of constructing a BG East ring heel. Morgan’s most recent appearance was showing that he was taking notes from Lon by turning around and catching ripped rookie (and last month’s homoerotic wrestler of the month) Eli Black off guard and pounding the shit out of him forever. But if you missed Morgan’s first match, facing off against Lon with the explicit agenda of being BG East’s next great heel, then you missed Morgan’s “aw shucks” moment (which was, not coincidentally, the same moment that it was crystal clear that Lon was going to own his ass). Morgan flexes proudly. He bounces his pecs in Lon’s face. He says the right words about being confident in his own destiny as a big, burly muscle heel. But he’s got that unmistakable toothy, self-conconsious, I-can’t-quite-sell-myself grin on his face. Lon even notes that Morgan is a little too “smiley” for a heel-wannabe. Lon’s crushing of him seems to have squeezed the “aw shucks” right out of him, but no mistaking it, Morgan Cruise initially showed as an “aw shucks” rookie bear cub.

Rio Garza always looks like he can’t quite believe
his own luck.

And finally, when it comes to “aw shucks” wrestlers, Rio Garza’s tasty hot ass is seated squarely in line with the best of them. Can-Am has exploited what I’m guessing is Rio’s genuine state, that of the stunning muscle stud who’s a little awed to be asked back over and over to be ogled and admired by armies of gay wrestling fans. When he faced Aryx Quinn (pretty much the opposite of the “aw shucks” wrestler), like Alexi Adamov, Rio was easily manipulated by the mind games of a sadistic veteran. Rio was nothing short of humbled by the status as a brand new Can-Am “exclusive,” and with some strategically placed compliments from Aryx, the awkward, sort of embarrassed grin on his face grew. This all simply makes him oh-so-ripe for a humorless and merciless crushing from Aryx. The device works particularly well with Rio, I think, explaining why he showed up wanting Cameron Mathews and Paul Hudson to teach him how to be a pro wrestler. He knows he’s strong. He knows the fans like looking at him. But with a little nervous grin, he admits to the pros that he’s got something to learn about the business. Cameron and Paul, of course, oblige, and Rio’s “aw shucks” awkward grin gets twisted into beautiful agony soon enough.

All those muscles can’t quite disguise the self-conscious grin on Python’s face.

A little “aw shucks” goes a long way for what turns me on. Overplayed, and it comes across as amateurish and distinctly less than erotic. But sprinkled on top of a hot steaming helping of beautiful bodies, skimpy gear, and hard hammering wrestling, an adorably goofy smile and a self-conscious glance down at one’s own feet can make for a sweet set-up to an arousing match.

Still Kickin’

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Kieran Dunne’s gorgeous narrow waist about to be stomped by
rookie Guido Tori – BG East’s Ring Rookies 1 

Thanks again to those of you inquiring about my well-being in my absence from posting for several days. No major problems to report. I was just, yet again, traveling for work and crazy busy along the way. Despite my inactivity around here, I’m still alive and kickin‘.

Jayden Mayne softens up big boy Trent Blayze with a boot to the back –
BG East’s Ringwars 19

I learned this summer about guys particularly turned on with trampling, stomping, and kicking. This was a new concept to me, really. I think the dominating, sadistic, overpowering aspect of trampling is hot, of course. But I typically find myself attending more to the long held holds: the over-the-knee backbreakers, the bearhugs, the scissors, the abdominal stretches. I usually think of stomps as more like the explanation points at the end of homoerotic wrestling poetry stanzas, rather than the meat of the matter.

Nikoli Bakov drives an impressive strike to Tom Flex’s
muscled back in Can-Am’s 2-on-1 Grudge Match

But I’m told that there are die-hard trampling fans whose fondest fetish is the kick to the back, the stomp to the gut, the boot to the crotch. The moments that rock some of us the hardest involve a swift kick to a vulnerable hunk’s battered body.

Psycho Capone takes a boot to a naked Dynamo Dean –
BG East’s Hard Pros 2

Just knowing that there are those of us with an eye for trampling has had the effect of making me turned on a couple of notches more when I see it in my homoerotic wrestling fare. I’m feeling it. The extra dose of humiliation, the gratuitous delivery of suffering, the tenderizing of a once-invulnerable stud to soften him up to be devoured whole… some hot stomping can take my breath away these days.

Ripped Rio Garza works out some frustration with the heel of his boot
stomping Jobe Zander’s masterpiece – Can-Am’s Rio’s Revenge

I suppose we could all be happily consuming our favorite homoerotic wrestling in the privacy of our own fantasies, but this opportunity to cross-pollinate our particular tastes is an aspect of blogging and discussing our shared fetish that I enjoy so much. To have my eye drawn, my anticipation heightened, my senses tuned to something new to inspire my appreciation of erotic wrestling is a beautiful part of sharing this corner of the virtual homoerotic wrestling with so many of you. Hopefully, I’ll be back to a bit more regular posting in the coming weeks. I’ve missed our little chats!

Coincidences

wrestlebard2 Comments
Have you noticed how in Hollywood movies it’s a moral imperative to believe in the supernatural? I keep hearing the words, “I don’t believe in coincidences” in movies and on television lately. The implication seems to always be that there’s some divine hand moving the universe, lining up otherwise random events into non-coincidental patterns. Well, frankly, I do believe in coincidences. That army of monkeys will, indeed, one day hammer out the complete works of Shakespeare by sheer chance. I’m okay with that.  That’s not to suggest, however, that I don’t like musing on a notable coincidence when it falls in my lap.
Kid Leopard planting a Tree of Woe for Sean Cannon
in BG East’s Superbouts 2
Take, for instance, the third time in as many days that the “tree of woe” has come up in three entirely unrelated conversations I’ve been part of.  Three different homoerotic wrestling fans raised the topic of how hot the tree of woe scenario is. The only reason I really know much about it, as such, is from a series of comments on Rants, Roids & Rasslin’ a while back, in which folks were dissecting a panel from one of RR&R’s wrestling comics. “Tree of woe” is apparently the moniker for that precarious situation when a wrestler discovers himself hanging upside down from the corner turnbuckle, completely vulnerable to a humiliating and devastating attack.
BG East’s Brooklyn Bodywrecker exploiting an opponent’s vulnerability.
It seems to me that there’s more than just a little element of bondage, with the poor catcher’s ankles locked and laced underneath the supports tying the turnbuckle to the ring post. A knee to the gut, a boot to the face… the options appear to be endless. Yes, and hot…
Rock Hard Wrestling’s Lucas Payne lives up to his name in Austin Cooper’s
Tree of Woe

The position also offers an opportunity to see a hot muscle boy stretched out and in jeopardy. Hot strong bodies are the best subjects with which to construct a tree of woe, it seems to me. The mechanics probably work best with a strong, compact, relatively limber body. The aesthetics also work best that way, too, I think.

Cole Cassidy goes to work on Kevin Lee in BG’s Bad Boys

Accomplished master in the fine arts of sadistic ring punishment, Cole Cassidy made the most of bewildered Kevin Lee trapped in his tree of woe.

Cole uses those gorgeous muscles to crush Kevin’s head and midsection.

A bearhug and headscissors combination on Kevin illustrates some of the more creative opportunities that a tree of woe offers to an innovative heel.

Cole leans in real good, adding every ounce of leverage to crush Kevin’s balls.

Of course, any tree of woe that fails to include crotch torture is a waste. Cole is never, ever one to waste anything. A long, slow elbow driven crushing into Kevin’s balls softens him up.

Cole claws Kevin’s crotch and enjoys watching the agony.
Cole latching on a ball claw, with his freakishly fantastic forearms bulging like a cartoon superhero is incredibly erotic.
Cole’s boots and knees tenderize his suspended opponent.

And of course some nasty stomps to Kevin’s… well, to Kevin’s everything, shows why a tree of woe is a blank canvas in the hands of a true artist, at least when Cole is working his magic.

BG East’s Dante Rosetti (I think) uses his head.

I’m on the record many times over as completely partial to ring wrestling, and the tree of woe illustrates just one of the many reasons why ring wrestling cranks my kink harder than just about any other context. The opportunities to use the architecture, to capitalize on the structure, to exploit the parts of the ring that stretch as well as those that don’t, all contribute to making ring wrestling my wrestling kink of choice.

At long, long last, Rio Garza pays it back against Jobe Zander in
Can-Am’s Rio’s Revenge

So I completely believe that three different people raising the topic of the tree of woe in as many days is 100% coincidence. I’m sure it’s randomness, and I don’t feel the need to read into the coincidence some guiding, invisible hand that wants me to appreciate deeper the erotic potential of corner abuse. That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t enjoy riding the tide and getting a kinked kick out of where it takes me.

Rock Hard Wrestling’s Trent Novak treats Austin Cooper to a Tree of Woe beatdown

Working Difference

wrestlebard3 Comments

I’ve got deadlines coming out of all of my orifices (yes, it’s as unpleasant as it sounds). But I want to muse just a bit over a recent reflection. I was just this morning marveling once again at the wonders of BG East’s recent release, The Science of Scissors. The two wrestlers on this two-match DVD that grab, shake, and drain me dry the most are match #1’s Attila Dynasty and match #2’s Jimmy Gee. As I contemplated the juxtaposition of these two wrestlers, it suddenly occurred to me that as different as these two wrestlers are on many counts, regarding both of them, I’m most enthralled with their gorgeous asses.

NOTHING at all wrong with Jimmy or Rio Garza from the front, either!

Yes, yes, another post about asses. I’ve been fixated on hot wrestling asses for a long time now, I realize. I don’t self-judge such things; I just enjoy my lusts as they move me. In this case, however, I’m fascinated that these two very different wrestlers move me in much the same way, despite sporting distinctly different body types, including very, very different types of asses.

Attila is gorgeous from every angle.

I know I’m not alone in my growing fascination with BG East discovery, Attila Dynasty. I’ve heard from a number of readers craving more of this sweet, acrobatic, fiercely competitive, tightly packed stud puppy. I’ve marveled before, at least a couple of times, at being astonished and provoked by the sight of Attila’s hefty package that he’s sporting throughout his squeeze fest with Trent Blayze. But as I re-watch this match (repeatedly and adoringly), it’s Attila’s ass that’s grabbing me (now that’s an image I’m going to have to sit back and linger on for a while).

I’m incredibly jealous of Trent’s view!

It’s a tight, hard, athletic ass. Attila’s is an ass that belongs to flexible, endurance athletes. It’s all muscle, but that muscle is sculpted in perfect proportion to the extremely lean, taut, no-wasted-mass body that makes Attila such a sight from head to toe. His glutes are round and a perfect handful (at least for me), but they aren’t expansive or excessively massive. Attila is simply beautifully proportioned, and with that acrobatic training he clearly has, my mind wanders helplessly to a whole menu of contortions and physical feats of dexterity that such a supple, hard, rigorously trained physique could bring to some post-match sex (not that Attila has appeared to be overtly aiming for an erotic top off to one of his inspiring matches… yet….).

Kaboom. There I go again…

In some ways, the contrast between Attila’s ass and Jimmy Gee’s makes me check myself. Jimmy’s glutes are a study in the art of building a body huge from obsessive, superhuman heavy weight training. The word “proportional” doesn’t come to mind as I stare in awe at Jimmy’s ass, though that’s not because he’s somehow disproportionate in any way. It’s just that globes so fucking huge, ripped and powerful as his are clearly not the end result of someone searching for anything as subtle as “proportional” aesthetics. Once Rio Garza, bless his soul, peels Jimmy’s lime green square cuts off to reveal the banana hammock underneath, I suddenly cannot, through any voluntary force of will, tear my eyes away from Jimmy’s rocking, awesome, awe-inspiring muscle ass.

Rio’s got to admit that his suffering is so worth the view!

The headscissors that Jimmy applies to Rio make my heart skip a beat. The standing scissors in which he slowly shuffles across the mats, dragging a gasping, dizzy Rio with him as he crushes Rio’s head between those gargantuan thighs, has made me lose my load more than once at precisely the moment that the cameraman FINALLY circles behind for a clear look at Jimmy’s flexing glutes.  When I’m able to keep watching past that point (usually only because I start again watching farther into the match), the sight of Jimmy’s next standing headscissors in which he has Rio bent backward with his face being crushed like a grape, his nose shoved high up between those ponderous hamstrings a mere fraction of an inch away from Jimmy’s granite, hard, gorgeous glutes makes me helpless to resist still another explosive reaction. Seriously, I only know how this match ends because I finally fast-forwarded through to the final moments out of curiosity. Otherwise, Jimmy’s flexing muscle ass crushing Rio’s head would never let me manage to get to the end.

As if with a mind of their own, my hands reach out to grab a couple of handfuls.

So both Attila and Jimmy have asses inspiring my homoerotic wrestling fantasies and tweaking my wrestling kink very, very hard. As different as they are, their fantastic asses similarly hold my lustful gaze like a vice. Two very different body types drill down to the same spot at the core of my wrestling lust, and Attila’s taut, round, athletic glutes do to me almost exactly the same (fucking awesome!) thing that Jimmy’s powerhouse, superhuman, lived-at-the-squat-rack-for-months rock hard, angular, massive muscle ass does. For some reason, this juxtaposition thrills me and speaks to me about what turns me on quite apart from some Platonic Form of my pro-typical not-quite imagined ideal of the perfectly perfect homoerotic wrestler.

Asses Named

wrestlebard3 Comments
So how did you do on our back-to-school edition of Name That Ass? Pull out your bubble sheet and let’s review the answers.
Ass #1 belongs to…

… BG East’s Cole Cassidy.

Cole’s body is sculpture. Every inch of him (at least every inch I’ve seen) is stunningly proportioned and absolutely perfectly Cole. That this perfectly tuned weapon is in the possession of such a sadistic heel ought to make much more competitive wrestlers than poor Brendan Byers quake in their wrestling boots. When Cole plants those muscled glutes across the mouth of devastated Brendan in their newly released match in Florida Fights 3, for that half a minute as Cole flexes and preens in victorious ecstasy above him, I’m bitterly envious of Brendan.
Ass #2 belongs to…

Rio’s got to have earned major frequent flyer miles getting that beautiful ass beaten from Florida to Boston to Los Angeles. He has some of the most loyal fans on the planet, and while I don’t consider myself a Rio devotee by any means, I unquestionably appreciate the aesthetic lines and sculpted contours of Rio’s beautiful body. I loved the concept of indy pros Cameron Mathews and Paul Hudson putting on a 2-on-1 clinic for Rio to tutor him in the arts of a professional-quality wrestling beatdown in Can-Am’s So You Want to Be a Pro Wrestler. Here’s another fantasy concept I’m just throwing out there… how about a rookie tutored by a pro and a homoerotic fantasyman? The pro beats him senseless and the fantasyman sexually dominates him.

Ass #3 belongs to…
… BG East’s Lon Dumont.
Ironically, the close-up of Lon’s ass appeared in the quiz right next to his image as my #1 favorite homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy division in the right margin. In particular, Lon is pictured here crushing the skull of Doug Rand on opposite sides of their Tag Team Torture 12 encounter. Lon has been in sole possession of the #1 spot in my non-pornboy rankings for a helluva long time, particularly considering he hasn’t had a new release in a little while. And still, hands down, he’s my favorite for his equal portions of smoking hot competitive bodybuilder physique and wrestling kink golden pro wrestling persona and ring skills. I’m not ashamed to say I’m a little obsessed with Lon, particularly after our delightful interview earlier this year in which he revealed himself to be both everything that turns my on in a wrestler as well as a damn fine human being. For those who regularly write me, asking for any news of the hunk, I’m deeply thrilled to pass on three titillating tidbits I’ve gathered: 1) Lon has achieved even more stunning development of his physique as he enters the new bodybuilding season, 2) he is still sporting the full head of hair he foreshadowed last winter, and 3) he and his full head of hair and mind-blowing muscles will indeed be showing up again in action for BG East!

Ass #4 belongs to…

… BG East’s classic workhorse, Bryan.

This beautiful, blond stud seemed to have been marching arm-in-arm with Kid Leopard in the pioneering early days of BG East. I think he was never more arousing than when he was 100% pro, in the ring in boots and square cut trunks and slamming some hot, pretty young thing’s face into a turnbuckle. However, the matroom pairing of Bryan and a very young, tan, in the peak of fitness Brad Rochelle in the seminal edition of Ultra Fight is awfully, awfully compelling. Those are two incredibly notable asses locked together in one hot, ferocious battle!

Ass #5 belongs to…

…Can-Am’s Beau Hopkins.

I repeat myself when I say that his opponent in Supermatch 11, Tom Flex, knew exactly what he was doing when he locked his crushing legs around Beau’s narrow waist, squeezed until the dark, hairy hunk screamed out, and then yanked on Beau’s trunks so hard that they entirely disappeared between those astonishingly beautiful ass cheeks. This is also a reminder of the delights that we miss out on, with the absence of baby oil in homoerotic wrestling for many years.

So it appears we have our work cut out for us as we start the new school year. No perfect scores were recorded for this Name That Ass quiz. The eternal strengths-based instructor, however, I think that just leaves so much more room to improve and to grow in our expertise when it comes to the studied appreciation of homoerotic wrestling asses.