Ethan Andrews – Page 3

More Masonry

January 10, 2014 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Somebody’s watching me… or is it the other way around?

I’m not sure if Mason Brooks is stalking me or if I’m stalking Mason, but every time I turn around, the thinking-man’s homoerotic wrestler is there. Debuting with BG East merely a year ago or so, Mason has since given me an interview, sent me Christmas presents, commanded star treatment in my homoerotic wrestling imagination, and now he’s also showing up at Movimus.

In his recently released match against “Case Thornton,” (aka, Ethan “Axel” Andrews… how many names can one stud use!?), Mason is intensely aggressive and full throttle. His ass in those lime green skimpy trunks is nearly enough to distract me from his ever-hypnotic nipples.

Unfortunately for Mason, he’s in over his head, getting out hustled and outmaneuvered by one of the most experienced wrestlers in the online wrestling scene. He gets that sweet, lime green clad ass spanked by the appropriately confident “Case,” getting schooled convincingly. He gives away the first fall to an arm bar before CT (aka EAA) can snap it off at the elbow. The second fall is a who’s got whom situation, with both lean bodies wrapped up so tightly it’s a little difficult to tell whose body part belongs to whom, but it’s the chokehold wrapped around Mason’s throat that makes his face blush dark red and his hand tap out. In the final fall, he goes down to a figure-4 choke that manages to also nearly rip his right arm out by the shoulder socket.

mason303 — CT(EAA) rides Mason relentlessly

The boys are sportsmanly and playful in the end, demonstrating that whatever the drama on the mat, these two fucking love to wrestle. There’s nothing overtly erotic in this match up between two hunks who have overtly erotic elements on their wrestling resumes, which is, of course, totally fine. Erotically minded wrestlers can compete and kick ass just like non-erotically minded boys can. But apart from trunks wedged high up between ass cheeks, erotic wrestling fans should know that this is sweetly competitive and an intense chess match, but not “gay” in anything but subtext and what the viewer brings with him.

Mason continues to entertain and arouse me, and if he’s the one doing the stalking, all I have to say is, “Keep it up, stud.” Now, I need to get back to obsessively combing the internet for any sign or sighting of Mason and his nipples…

‘Tis the Season

November 30, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Looking for that certain something to buy for a homoerotic wrestling fan (like you… or me?!). In honor of our full-contact, to-the-death annual holiday tradition, you can pick up some sweet deals at some of your favorite erotic wrestling suppliers. So unzip, pull out your wallet, and do your part to spread some holiday cheer.

damien — Still hungry after Thanksgiving? Settle in on a 48-hour VOD of Damien Rush working to make LJL his muscle worshipper in Backyard Brawls 8 (for 25% off for Arena Members!).

BG East is giving you an extended 48 hours to enjoy it any of their VOD matches. Arena members also get 25% off VODs, and of course, there are more VOD’s for Arena members, but even non-members can pick up choice entertainment, such as watching Damien Rush force feed LJL his hot, hairy pec and put in his bid to make the little guy his muscle worshipper in Backyard Brawls 8. Sale ends December 2, so get on it!

lords — Nothing says “holiday season” like naked muscle icon Billy Herrington bashing homoerotic wrestling god Mark Wolff’s face into the lockers in Lords of the Lockerroom, available while the overstock sale lasts.

Can-Am is currently running a $15 overstock sale on dozens of DVDs as they clear out some storage (hopefully meaning they’ve got a lot of new releases they need to stock up on!). There are some classics in the overstock selection, including watching massive Billy Herrington smash muscleman Mark Wolff’s face into the lockers in Lords of the Lockerroom.

will — 20% of downloads from Rock Hard Wrestling seasons 1-14 include hot fitness star, Will Stanley, taking everything that Ethan Andrews can dish out, and then bearing down on the smart ass with a vengeance. Sale lasts until December 2!

Rock Hard Wrestling has 30% off any download from catalog’s 1-14 for you to snag through December 2. There are dozens of matches you have access to for the discounted price, including such favorites of mine as stunningly hot Brit Will Stanley taking a boatload of punishment from always dangerous Ethan Andrews, before turning the tables and shutting up the smart ass scrapper but good!

Thunder’s Arena has a “Black Friday” sale still up as of today, including a Bearhug Challenge with one of my infatuations, Archer, trying to out-bearhug massively Big Shawn (with bonus footage of Specimen showering and posing poolside!). Also, with coupon code BFRY2, you can get 20% of downloads and 40% of DVDs purchased. I don’t know how long the sale runs, but it looks like you can still get in on the Black Friday deals at Thunders as of now.

Happy shopping!

Thursday Thighs

October 17, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

While a massive slice of beef hanging like drapes on the thick, tree trunk thighs of hot homoerotic wrestlers is guaranteed to drive me insane, it’s not just massive telephone poles for legs that stroke me hard. This edition of Thursday thighs highlights that often it’s not how big they are, but what you do with them that makes wrestling legs so damn sexy!

dynastythighs — **Attila Dynasty’s** thighs are lean, but packed with breathtaking power!

elithighs — **Eli Black** is another slice of 0% bodyfat fight stud, but what his legs may lack in girth, the make up for in nearly popping the heads off of opponents.

seanthighs2 — Classic kisser **Sean Patrick** was long, lanky even, but always knew exactly what to do with those sexy thighs (and mouth).

christianthighs — **Christian Taylor** is a tall drink of water on a hot day, but nobody gets out without a whimper of agony once he snaps those scissors shut.

ethanthighs — **Ethan Andrews** has been packing on some luscious muscle lately, but even without bodybuilder thighs, he milks such sublime suffering out of a trapped opponent.

kayarydellthighs — Flash in the pan but seared in my lustful memory, **Kaya Rydell** had the look of someone who could and should own a homoerotic wrestling wring as relentlessly and he owned muscle boys with those crushing, downright skinny (and not a shade less than insanely sexy) thighs.

kidleopardthighs — **Kid Leopard** demonstrates what years of dance training do when translated to the homoerotic wrestling mat (i.e., drive me insane with desire!).

Wednesday’s Woes

October 16, 2013October 16, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

I’m entirely on board with the erotic power of a tree of woe. The ToW is an example of how some homoerotic wrestling gems simply require a professional wrestling ring. Hang a hammered hunk upside down in the corner, his knees draped over the top ropes and his feet locked in place beneath the cable connecting the turnbuckle to the post, and there’s all sorts of a hot wrestling gold that’s suddenly ripe for picking. It’s a maneuver that signals total control over a mastered man. The subject of woe is laid out so vulnerably, his body not just on display, but trussed up beautifully for easy access to innovative methods of torture. There’s a little crossover here between bondage kink and wrestling kink, with enough of both to show due respect to all parties involved, as far as I’m concerned. In honor of those of you who harbor a special place in your hearts and crotches for an agonizing, dominating, body manipulating tree of woe (and I hear from you often), this post is for you. Here are 10 ideas for what to do with an opponent once you’ve trapped him in a tree of woe.

jpwoe — Climb on top, knee crushing his balls, and celebrate like Brooklyn Bodywrecker.

coltonwoe — When finding yourself out-boxed, hang the fucker upside down and peel off his gloves to make this all about homoerotic wrestling, **like Brodie Fisher**.

diegowoe — Grab a dumbbell and bash your opponent’s six-pack abs, **like Eli Black**.

bobbywoe — Duck outside the ring and wrench the trapped fucker’s head backward, **like Cameron Matthews.**

lonwoe — Stop on his flowing locks and dare the muscleboy to squirm, **like Ethan Andrews**.

kylewoe — Stand outside the ring and threaten to rip his arms out at the shoulder, **like Alex Waters**.

austinwoe — Make sure his trunks are hooked on the turnbuckle and slipping off, then land a soaring drop kick to the helpless stud’s gut, **like Jonny Firestorm**.

shanewoe — Sit on his face, **like the Brooklyn Bodywrecker.**

jonnywoe — Pause and appreciate the view – and feel – **like Jarret Cole**.

kevinwoe — That’s right, a Tree of Woe/Bearhug/Headscissors combination, nice and snug in the crushing embrace of Cole Cassidy!

The Great Homoerotic Wrestling Kiss-Off

October 1, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from polling neverland readers, it’s never to be too confident in my expectations. For example, I’d fully have expected that semi-final match-ups would be more competitive than quarter-final match-ups. Considering the overall vote-getters from the earlier round, I’d also have thought that Rusty Stevens and Kevin Crowes were the underdogs coming in against Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe and Steven Ponce, who scored the most lopsided quarter-final victory. Not for the first time, and I’m sure not for the last, my expectations were proven wrong. Rusty’s bondage liplock on angelic Kevin pounded the living hell out of Lorenzo and Steven’s ball-claw/face-suck combo, absolutely squashing them 95-38! Rusty and Kevin completely bulldoze their way into the finals! Now to decide who they’ll face there.

kissgabriel — Curly haired cherubic beefcake Gabriel takes Lorenzo Lowe under his spell.

It might be understandable that Rusty and Kevin’s potential rivals for the final round could be a little intimidated, but this is professional homoerotic wrestling. These guys have nothing if not abundant ego-strength. For example, Lorenzo “Jake” Lowe gets a second crack at the final round thanks to his unapologetic second appearance in the semi-finals getting mesmerized by the lips of the beefy pornboy cherub, Gabriel Ross from BG East’s Wrestleshack 16. Gabriel won his own reader’s poll a while back, being voted by neverland readers as sexiest Brit at BGE, so that, along with his humungous erection, bulging muscles, and the definition of baby-face, brings serious credibility to this semi-final appearance. All of that combined with Lorenzo’s bubble butt and look of hypnotic ecstasy as Gabriel grabs his head and goes in for the liplock, makes this kiss a serious contender.

kissethan — Ethan Andrews makes a play for Christian Taylor to forget about his boyfriend (and you to vote them into the final round)!

But do not count out, never count out, Ethan Andrews and Christian Taylor. Christian, the reigning resident kissing bandit of BG East, got two dips in the well from the quarter-finals, but it was just his barely thonged, flat-on-his back, wrists pinned to the mat oral conquering by lustful Ethan Andrews in Gazebo Grapplers 15 that earned him this trip to the semis. Cock grinding into cock, luscious, lean bodies, and Ethan explicitly on offense to woo Christian so hard that he forgets about his boyfriend, Skip Vance, back at home, add up to a stunningly hot option to potentially take these boys to the finals.

In my younger, more naive days, I’d have been willing to try to handicap a match like this, but after yesterday’s vicious, lopsided crushing, I’m keeping my mouth shut, because I have no idea who you’re about to vote for!

The Great Homoerotic Kiss-Off

September 29, 2013 wrestlebard2 Comments

Another decisive victory in yesterday’s quarterfinal propels Gabriel Ross and Lorenzo Lowe into the semis with a 37 to 26 spanking over Morgan Cruise, Skip Vance and Christian Taylor.

kissclay — Tyler Ford nearly rips Jimmy Clay’s head off to suck the trapped stud’s face.

There’s only one spot left in the semi-finals, and we have our first intermural contest of smoking hot kisses occurring in recent homoerotic wrestling releases. First, another candidate from what I think is the best thing coming out of Can-Am lately, their Pro Sex Fight series. Specifically, this mid-match liplock between Jimmy Clay and Tyler Ford in Pro Sex Fight 7. These hard hot hunks have ripped, stripped, stroked, pummeled, squeezed and slammed each other all over the ring. Tyler Ford exploits his opponent’s vulnerability as hunky Jimmy Clay hangs dazed and confused, spreadeagled across the middle turnbuckle. Tyler pries Jimmy’s head backward by the chin and slaps on an aggressive, deep liplock from behind.

Challenging Clay and Ford for the last spot in the semis is one more shot from reigning BG East kisser-in-residence Christian Taylor, who gets a mouthful from amorous hunk-punk Ethan Andrews near the end of Gazebo Grapplers 15. Having stripped one another to thongs, Ethan has slowly revealed his master plan (well, plan A) to so sexually dominate the long, lean runway model beauty to make Christian completely forget about his boyfriend back at home, Skip Vance. Christian is unimpressed, batting away Ethan’s aggressive passes one by one as he holds his own stunningly intimate mat wrestling, that is, until Ethan slaps his lips down on Christian’s and makes Mr. Vance absolutely melt!

Remarkably different candidates, different genres, different production companies, different narratives all together this time. Apples. Oranges. You decide!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

August 21, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

My HWOTM pick is very late in arriving here at neverland, primarily because I was traveling for the first 2 weeks of August. That does not mean, however, that I didn’t have time to enjoy the cream of the crop of homoerotic wrestling new releases that came out in July, and to form my opinions about which wrestler worked me the hardest. I settled on one particular wrestler who is almost certainly overdue for the accolades here at neverland, but truth be told, there was another couple of boys who were absolutely chomping on his ass vying for the title. It was a hair’s breadth between them, but I’ll save my lauding of the runner’s up and stick to placing the laurel leaves atop the head of the wrestler who entertained me most in the July new releases…

…Ethan “Axel” Andrews.

Skip Vance has described BG East’s Gazebo Grapplers 15 match featuring Ethan battling it out with Skip’s lover, Christian Taylor, as his favorite match of all time. I can understand why. It’s smoking hot. Both Christian and Ethan are in mouthwatering shape, with Ethan still sporting the bad mohawk that he earned in his Hairstakes match against my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont. The wrestling is intense, punctuated by the grunts and groans that few men can really fake with the type of sincerity you hear in this match. And, well, fuck, I’ve certainly had the odd (i.e., regularly recurring) fantasy of a vicious, barely clad heel beating the shit out of my lover during those moments when my lover is annoying me as only someone who knows me most intimately can.

Christian, a former HWOTM, puts up a highly entertaining performance, working that cold as ice, unflappable focus he has so masterfully. But it’s Ethan that has me laughing, gasping, and unzipping as he weaves an intricate, finely balanced narrative that unfolds like a favorite novella.

Ethan’s mouth runs pretty much continuously, as it does in most everything I’ve seen of his work. He’s got a sharp wit that cuts and slices at the ego strength of the long, tall beauty in front of him. Early on, he brings up Skip in his trash talk offense. And when it comes to Ethan, I mean “offense” quite literally. He makes no bones about his full on intent to offend, insult, crawl up under Christian’s gorgeous skin and fester like a rotting sore. He insults Christian liberally, commenting on the towering beauty’s less than stellar match record. But it’s when he insults Skip that I start to seriously appreciate the sexy-devious mind that has made many a fan before me line up right behind Ethan’s beautiful ass and cheer.

As I say, these boys wrestle with a heated intensity that not for a moment can be mistaken for anything other than homoerotic combat. There’s humor, laced with a strong overtaste of humiliation to keep it spicy. Ethan’s crotch bulges impressively from very early on. The banter and grappling and submissions scored on one another are transparently turning these hot young hunks on (not to mention this hot-not-nearly-as-young hunk on this side of my screen).

Christian is simply not up to the challenge of keeping pace with the intensity and focus of Ethan. There’s something almost “consuming” about the manner in which Ethan’s ripped bod wraps around his struggling opponent so fiercely. I’d say that he enjoys having as much of his body in physical contact with as much of Christian’s body as possible, but then again, there’s no need to say it. Just look at that lovely mountain hanging between his legs, particularly when he’s stripped to a totally impractical and somehow completely believable gear choice: a mesh thong. Ethan slowly reveals his master plan. Dump the twig, he advises Christian. Give lightweight jobber Skip the boot and make room in your bed for the likes of Ethan Andrews. He’s shown up not just to win a wrestling match, but to conquer another man’s lover and take what he’s won body and soul. Ethan is not just a homoerotic wrestling savant. He’s not just a ripped, hunky heel. He’s an unapologetic (hell, he clearly loves this shit) home wrecker!

We knew it. Christian knew it. Obviously Ethan knew it. Before this is all said and done, there was no way in hell that Ethan’s mouth would fail to be planted hungrily across the alluring lips of Christian Taylor. It’s Christian’s MO, I think. Opponent’s sign up for a match because, if they beat him, they can suck face with one of the most handsome hotties on the BG East roster. I imagine he must taste like mojitos… no real reason, just the look of satisfaction on the faces of opponent’s as they peel their lips off of his. Yes, it was destined to happen that, stripped to excellently minuscule thongs, these two would stretch out across one another, crotch grinding into crotch, pec to pec, Christian flat on his back and being owned by the relentless badger on top of him, before Ethan dives in and plants a long, lingering, lip smacking kiss on him. Fuck, I love that climax. It’s the perfect apex to a homoerotic wrestling story arc.

But it’s only after that point that Ethan suddenly grabs me by the balls and demands to be crowned HWOTM. Christian has effectively melted. “Submitted” is a polite term for it, really, because the way his body responds to being owned and tasted by mohawk stud, he’s completely ripe for the picking. Then Ethan smacks him around a little more and peels away. The smirk on his face as he looks at Christian’s prone body is hilarious. Like cruising a gay bar, he gives a I-had-that-fucker sneer toward bagged-and-tagged Christian and says that he’s changed his mind. He doesn’t want to take Skip’s place, after all. Now that he’s proven he can own Christian, Ethan announces that he’s ready to move on to his real prize: Christian’s lover Skip.

Fuck, that is a sweet, sweet story! There’s suspense, humor, rocking hot bodies and highly competitive mat wrestling with a through-story. Hello!? This was clearly so far up my alley that I need to dig my underwear out of my crack! Ethan plays it to perfection, controlling the pace, setting the fantastically erotic tone, toying with Christian’s mind and body and then really lowering the shocking boom by leaving the stud gaping open-mouthed as Ethan heads off to hunt down Christian’s bon-bon lover. Game, set, match! I’m still laughing; I’m still hard. Ethan Andrews is undeniably my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month. Nicely played, Ethan.

That Look

May 6, 2013July 1, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

In Friday’s post, Alex posed some provocative questions about what’s said in a homoerotic wrestling match. Specifically, whether hearing a wrestler taunt his opponent by asking if he’s “gay” (by implication meaning weak, wimpy, less than a real man, et.) is a turn-off or perhaps ought to be out of bounds for wrestling for a gay audience. The post generated some fantastic conversation, which is exactly what I expect every time Alex puts pen to paper. His thoughts, coupled with some images I’ve recently been obsessing over, reminded me of the flip side of the equation, as well: when without so much as a word, a wrestler turns me on full force in an instant with just a look.

Kevin Crowes looks pleased.

The recent photo releases from Can-Am of my long-time favorite wrestler emeritus, Rusty Stevens, in Pro Sex Fight 4 against Kevin Crowes, has been making me sweat buckets. But this particular shot of angelic beauty Kevin sweaty, pumped, and swinging pipe caught my attention. Specifically, look at the look on his face! Fuck that’s hot. He’s been taking a mauling at the expert hands of Rusty for eons at this point in the match. It’s looked like Rusty’s got this adonis crushed and sprinkled over an intensely tasty dish of sex served hot, until deceptively pretty Kevin catches the veteran sex wrestling champ getting a tad too cocky, a smidge too over-confident, and just as Rusty is sizing up the slice of beef he’s about to eat whole, Keven lays him down, strips him naked, and starts pounding the hell out of Rusty’s balls. In an oh-how-the-mighty-have-fallen moment, Kevin takes a strutting victory lap around his opponent’s vulnerably body. All that viciousness, all the bile, all that contempt and scorn pouring out of Rusty earlier is doused, and the look of pleasure on Kevin’s face sells a whole novel’s worth of story to me. The abs, quads, and simply gorgeous cock don’t hurt his case either!

Gabriel Ross looks hungry

Honestly, I’ve been trying my best to watch BG East’s Wrestle Shack 16 all the way through, but fuck me if I can manage to get more than about 5 minutes at a time watched before I’m stoked into delirium and exhaust myself entirely. Holy fuck, Lorenzo Lowe (I don’t give a damn what his frat brother’s call him, he’ll always be bespectacled Lorenzo to me) is an insanely sexy little scrapper. But damn, damn, DAMN when he’s getting his crotch ripped apart with muscle bunny fallen archangel Gabriel Ross leaning over top of him, I’m helpless. The look of calm, chill, confident, hungry pleasure on Gabriel’s face contrasted with Lorenzo’s agony-twisted visage, is worth about 10 orgasms (and that’s not counting the one Lorenzo’s about to pop).

Ethan Andrews looks delighted.

Rock Hard Wrestling was the first to make me an Ethan Andrews believer. Like the catty bitch I can often be, I once questioned whether Ethan was rock hard enough to qualify to be in their stable of pretty pretty muscle boys. Ethan made me eat my words and lose load after load climbing into the RHW ring and wringing symphony after symphony out of his bulging, pumped opponents like a maestro. Ethan tends to give better than he gets at RHW, and the look of serene delight that inevitably plays across his handsome face as he makes another gym bunny scream like a tantruming two-year old makes my heart skip a beat. He flashes that smile at so many pitifully wailing opponents, but possibly never as entertainingly as the moments in which he catches handsome powerhouse Jake Jenkins by surprise.

Tak looks ready for his close up.

I keep coming back to Thunder’s for the humor and the subtext, despite lapses in good taste and common sense like Alex mentioned on Friday. One of the TA wrestlers who completely catches me by surprise by how compelling a character I find him is lean, blond, doe-eyed twink Tak. He plays twink among the muscle gods beautifully, and perhaps precisely because he stands out in the TA crowd, his lovely, lean bod sorts me out extra hard. But when Tak has both hands wrapped around the throttle and another gym bunny muscleman is at least momentarily getting humiliated by a blond, blue-eyed, babyface lightweight twink, Tak gives some sexy sexy face! His look is somewhere between a champion bronco rider eight seconds into his ride and a seasoned pornboy a split second before his money shot.

Like Alex suggested, it doesn’t take a lot to suck the air right out of a homoerotic wrestling match. Just a word, an implication of genuine contempt for the audience that slapped down plastic to watch, and at least some of us find our buzz killed. And at least for me, the opposite can also be true. As much of a fan of trash talk as I am, some of the sexiest moments that sends fireworks exploding in my head are entirely about one compelling, silent look that tells the most homoerotic wrestling story of all.

Making Jake

March 15, 2013July 1, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

The next catalog apparently has a new Jake Jenkins match previewed in BG East Arena this week, in which the former homoerotic wrestler of the month squares off on the mats with always underestimated and deceptively dangerous Skrapper. It’s been a while since I posted a dose of Making Jake, so let’s consider more of the ABC’s that make Jake Jenkins such a compelling homoerotic wrestler.

K is for “kneel at my feet, bitch!”

..kneel. Pry your eyes away from the aesthetic perfection of Kid Karisma’s award-winning ass and appreciate the stunningly sexy dominance he has over Jake in their sexy-as-hell ring match for Hunkbash 12. I could come up with an A-Z catalog just documenting the insanely sexy wonders (yes, that’s 3 uses of the word “sexy” in 2 sentences!) that my top contender for reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (Kid K) does to his highly acrobatic “monkey boy” opponent, Jake. Potentially the sweetest of all is when Kid K drags this lovely homage to Kevin Von Erich off the mat by a fistful of hair, his own stunning muscles pumped and primed, staring down at the sweaty, battered, beaten, slack jawed beauty before him as humiliatingly makes Jake kneel.

L is for leaping from the turnbuckle!

… leap. Speaking of acrobatics and being a monkey boy, there’s nothing more provocative about Jake than watching him in his natural habitat, swinging from the ropes and climbing the corners of a pro wrestling ring. The 5’7″, this top babyface of 2012 could make hay for days capitalizing on a low center of gravity and his hot, thick musculature. Fuck that. Jake loves to fly, like when Rock Hard Wrestling’s stud puppy, Cliff Johnson’s long lovely bod is flat on it’s back, the overhead lights spinning in his eyes, and his tag team partner a couple of miles away, helpless to do anything but watch his buddy about to get pummeled from projectile Jake. Cliff’s tantalizing helplessness laid out like a turkey dinner delightfully makes Jake leap!

M is for pushing the mild-mannered stud too far and making him mad!

… mad. I enjoy Jake’s range. For example, in his tag team match alongside partner Austin Cooper, staring across the ring at Lon Dumont and Nicholas Rush, he chuckles at the start of Tag Team Torture 15. The boys in stars and stripes think that they’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. They’re gorgeous, powerful, and probably Coop’s biceps are about twice as thick and strong as newbie Nick’s quads. And they’ve partnered in the ring possibly the most of any current (or former?) homoerotic wrestling tag team, establishing a rapport and sweet empathy for one another’s trials in the action. But here, catch the look of fury on Jake’s face as Coop offers a hand to peel him off the mat after getting used and abused by my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont. The vulnerability of all that high octane muscle having to get a hand off the floor, combined with that rising boil of rage in his eyes is such sweet character development, as Lon Dumont makes Jake mad.

N is for watching your partner humiliated as you start to get nervous.

… nervous. That finely honed empathy Jake’s developed with frequent tag team partner Austin Cooper is a double-edged tool, of course. On the one hand, Jake and Coop can probably finish each other’s sentences like an old married couple by now, having grown to know exactly what to expect from one another in the heat of battle. Knowing your partner’s tolerances and limits, having confidence in your partner’s strengths and loyalty… these are fine weapons to bring to bear as a dangerously devastating tag team. Then again, all that empathy can serve just to share the suffering when one of you is getting crushed and humiliated and you’re stuck obeying the rules from your corner. When expert sadist and prettyboy basher Ethan Andrews gets his mitts all over Coop’s soaked, bulging body, things start to take a turn for the worse for team goldenboys. Locking Coop up tight in a camel clutch and prying his helpless head backward to show the camera the handsome stud’s tortured humility leaves Jake pleading with his partner to rally, stretching his hand hopelessly inside the ring so far out of reach, paining the fresh man in the corner to watch his buddy getting messed up and taunted, and with Coop fading fast and looking like he’s about to literally cry uncle, making Jake nervous.

O is for finally putting Mr. Mountain Dew out cold and leaving a little drool dribbling from the corner of his mouth, oblivious.

… oblivious. Jake is not at all unlike a can of Mountain Dew vigorously shaken and then popped open: a concentrated burst of energy exploding all over the ring with a sugary sweet aftertaste. Kid K called him a monkey boy because Jake doesn’t stop moving, climbing, leaping, sprinting. He’s a fantastic combination of grace and power, and even when he gives away a fall, you get the sense the rubber ball is just about to bounce right back up. So it’s probably no wonder that so many of his opponents can only claim an enduring victory over him after they’ve rendered the fitness model unconscious. All that kinetic energy, all that motion and coordination and acrobatics and emoting go slack, and the allure of a muscled athlete dozing away, completely at the mercy of another man, is the homoerotic wrestling money shot for me. What a thrilling climax it is to watch 2012’s top heel, Jonny Firestorm, take total possession of 2012’s top babyface in 2012’s best squash of the year, Jobberpaloozer 12, when he makes Jake oblivious.

Having put in my time marveling at Jake today, let me simply offer my assurances to BG East’s winner of best abs and best debut of 2012 that I’ll be stroking his ego as well, soon!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

March 7, 2013July 1, 2013 wrestlebard4 Comments

My long absence from posting is mostly a side effect of life, however my transition from a laptop to an iPad has put a kink in my blogging accessibility. I either need to find a better Blogger app or learn HTML. In the mean time, I’ll squeeze in posts when I actually have my butt in my desk chair and my fingers on my desktop keyboard. I’m coming in way late for selecting a homoerotic wrestler of the month, so among the many things piling up for me to post about, I’m putting that at the top of today’s list. The field seems a little sparse, though that may be a function of me not having my eye on the industry in February as devotedly as I typically do. BG East is between catalogs, and Can-Am is continuing the long drought of new wrestling releases (last October!?). Thunder’s has a new bright, shiny toy dangling in front of my eyes that goes by the name of Dakota, who’s suddenly appeared in 3 new releases earning nominations for him as well as Lex, former HWOTM Z-Man, and sweet piece of meat Ken (Mat Rats 36, 34 and 31 respectively). I also love a fratboy vs bodybuilder mismatch, so Tak and Specimen get in line for contention with Mat Rats 32. I’ve already waxed infatuated about Rock Hard Wrestling’s Stretched and Split, in which triple threat Will Stanley (body, tats and accent) takes a licking and keeps on ticking against perennial badass punk Ethan Andrews. New kids on the block, Muscle Domination Wrestling, are scratching an itch left from the silence of Can-Am lately, proving they’ve got their eye squarely on the gay wrestling kink audience with Morgan Cruise and Tony Law wrestling naked in the ring (now that’s a formula for success!) in their VIP lounge downloads of Naked Nut Grab and Steamy Wrestling (the product names aren’t nearly as innovative as the matches themselves). SteelMuscleGod again teamed up with my guilty pleasure, Wimpy Boy, for a delightful head scissors exhibition, getting a nod and a nomination from me for February’s hottest performances.

Is it my imagination, or is the field unusually shallow this month?! Not to say anything negative about any one of the nominees (mostly because that just gets me in trouble), but I have to say, in the aggregate, the average homoerotic wrestling release for February 2013 was simply not as hot as I’ve been accustomed to lately. Wasn’t it just a few months ago I was referring to our new Golden Age of homoerotic wrestling? I’m officially putting out a call for suggestions for a new homoerotic wrestling fix, because while Can-Am has gone dormant and when BG East is between catalogs, I’m missing something new, innovative, and inspiring. Muscle Domination looks like my best chance for a new infatuation, but the video quality and quality of wrestling needs to continue to improve to keep up with their creativity. SMG just has to growl and I’m turned on, but his wrestling fetish work is more fetish than wrestling lately, hampering his chances at being a headliner in the field. That said, there’s one wrestler who I’m calling out of this field as decidedly above average, who legitimately revved my engine and made me swoon. If this field were tighter, he might not have managed grabbing the ring, but that shouldn’t minimize the effect that this particularly enjoyable muscle hunk had on me in February. With all of those caveats and words of caution out of the way, my newest pick for homoerotic wrestler of the month is…

… Rock Hard Wrestling’s Will Stanley.

I’ve already given a detailed blow by blow of this match, so I’ll try not to repeat myself too much. The first thing that grabbed me about Will here is the skin-tight-cat-suit of a singlet he wears. I’m not nearly as focused on gear as I know many of you are, but damn, damn, DAMN, Mr. Stanley wears that singlet OUT! There’s something gorgeously classic about the gear choice that gives me a hit of watching old British pro wrestling on youtube. And it proves the old adage that sometime the sexiest outfit is not the skimpiest.

Nylon clad British beef

Lovely Will looks like he was poured into that navy blue nylon. It sucks to every eye catching bulge and cranny. When Ethan is doing what, arguably, Ethan does best (showing off the muscled bod of an opponent), there’s something insanely tactile and alluring about Will’s bulging crotch, powerful pecs, and those sweet as honey muscled glutes he’s packing inside of that stunningly stretched fabric.

Like me, that skin tight singlet just wants to cling to that gorgeously muscled body!

It’s Will that goes for ripping his opponent’s singlet straps down first, scoring him major league points in my estimation. He nothing but contemptuous of Ethan’s lean bod, but that doesn’t stop him from dialing up the heat by exploiting a moment of vulnerability and peeling Ethan’s singlet straps down. Score a big one for the physique star! Ethan follows suit not long afterward, and sweet mother of god, the Britboy’s torso is once again classically stunning. I love how the singlet is so fucking tight around his torso that it stays plastered to his upper abs for quite a while as Ethan returns the favor of exploiting his opponent in a moment of vulnerability.

Will shuts his eyes tightly to pretend his humiliation isn’t being caught on camera.

Those shiny, straining, flexing pecs, veiny delta, and writhing six pack abs tortured in the ropes is pretty much exactly why ring wrestling is automatically more erotic for my tastes by a factor of about 10. The combination of agony contorting Mr. Stanley’s handsome face and his determined prediction of Ethan’s impending doom, even as Ethan has him by the shorthairs, is fantastic. Score yet another big one for my growing infatuation with the Brit beauty.

That skinny git just fucked me up!?!?

Ethan takes the first fall with a submission. Will is a supremely tasty treat flat on his back with his eyes closed as if refusing to see the truth that a “skinny kid” like Ethan just schooled his seriously fine ass. That Ethan does not capitalize on the moment to pry this bulging stud the rest of the way out of that epic singlet is 2% an indictment of Ethan and 98% an indictment of Rock Hard Wrestling, I think. We know for a fact that Ethan is well aware that his expert work is being consumed ravenously by gay fans aching to see him own this vulnerable hunk of British beef (no horse meat here!). And if Mr. Stanley isn’t fully aware of the star power packed inside that unrealized moment of getting stripped to a more modest layer of fight gear, with a bod like that he should be. We’ve seen him in gorgeously tight trunks, so the missed opportunity of watching Ethan pull out a crow bar and peel that sucker off as Will lies there checking his ego is hard to watch.

Will’s muscles, like his ego, swell stunningly once he’s got momentum going his way.

Not hard to watch, however, is Will’s body as it seems to swell like a balloon the harder he works and the sweatier he grows in this match. Those shoulders alone seem to take him from from a 44L to a 48L suit coat in about 5 minutes. He’s got lovely everything, of course, but that hip tat peaking out over the top of his peeled down singlet is simply awesome, and further evidence both of the allure of a teasing glimpse and the missed opportunity of not ripping that navy blue nylon the rest of the way off of his body.

British beef pretzel

Ethan makes Will hurt (score Ethan!), a lot, often humiliatingly. Seeing a big, powerful, sculpted body like that owned and contorted as big Will’s face twists like a tornado is fantastic homoerotic drama. When Ethan is pounding out riding time, there’s not a corner of Will’s body that isn’t displayed to perfection and served up like the 4-star dish it is. Will takes a beating and gets tied up like a pretzel, and a 6’1″ 185 pound gym bunny who can pull that off and still rack his opponent like a barbell and pump out squats in the middle of the ring at the end of it all is an obvious contender for my affections.

Ethan stares up at the face of my new homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Will Stanley has a long way to go if he’s going to be a serious staple in my diet of recurring favorite homoerotic wrestlers, but he’s got a golden foundation of beautiful muscles and a sharp wit made all the more cutting by a working class English accent. He doesn’t entirely own the ring, so I’m longing to see his ring skills get as pumped up as those massive deltoid muscles. But he does, however, own Ethan Andrews delightfully and decisively, stroking my fantasies and keeping my eyes riveted on his every move, clinch, flex and strut, earning him a relative newcomer’s uncharacteristic awarding of my homoerotic wrestler of the month. Keep up the good work, Will.