Fashion plays a major role in the dramas of a couple of different new homoerotic wrestling releases. In Muscle Domination Wrestling’s newest season, Chace LaChance and giant rookie Mutant face off, repeatedly changing gear to demonstrate who looks hottest. Even more enticingly for wrestling fashionistas, both of these muscle beasts give solo fashion shows pre-match to whet our appetites, and I for one, am drooling uncontrollably. Almost by definition, Oil Hunks 3 insists on a series of fashion comparisons. Chace and Mutant have clearly formed opinions about who wore each piece of gear best. But here at neverland, it’s a tyranny of the majority of homoerotic wrestling fans who rule. So let’s take a look at both boys strutting their stuff in the same gear during and before their Oil Hunks 3 collision. Noting that you have 6 votes to cast below, you decide, gear by gear, who wore it best.
Chace LaChance rocked very brief black leather trunks, opting to leave the tops unzipped a little to let you follow his treasure trail.Mutant sports the same black leather briefs fully loaded.Chace tugs at the side of the Stars and Stripes full briefs.Mutant opts for a sideways single bicep to highlight the bulge.Chace goes full-on forward, daring you to take your eyes off his hairy muscles barely covered by the red thong.Mutant puckers up and gives his freakishly hot, smooth body some loving, framed so beautifully in the same red thong.The black and blue lace-up leotard was a bold fashion choice, but Chace is all in and bulging beautifully in it.Not to be out-bulged, Mutant wears the same leotard out with the massive beef hanging off his bones.Chace invites your lustful appraisal of him in a cheetah print thong.For your full consideration, Chace also shows off the cheetah print thong from behind.
Mutant stares you down, tugging seductively at the sides of the same cheetah print thong.Not to be outdone, Mutant shows off his astonishing backside in the cheetah print thong as well.
Chace says this tie-strap thong makes him feel like Tarzan.The same tie-on thong makes Mutant feel like flexing.
Finally, when it comes to comparing who wore nothing at all the best, Mutant is a forfeit. He did all of his wardrobe changes off camera, leaving the undisputed and richly deserving title of who wore nothing at all best to the devastatingly sexy, hairy, muscle bound, nude beauty of Chace LaChance!
I’m a few days late in taking the crown of homoerotic wrestler of the month off of the handsome brow of Dr. Austin Cooper and placing it on a new honoree. Perhaps I’ve been reluctant to move on from Austin-as-heel. Perhaps I’m afraid he’ll kick my ass. In any case, I’m stepping up to the plate today to peruse the new releases in homoerotic wrestling published in the month of May to pick one wrestler who grabbed me hardest. Without further ado, the new reigning neverland homoerotic wrestler of the month is…
…Chace LaChance.
I’ve been attentive to Chace’s career since I first saw him team up with long-time favorite Lon Dumont over at BG East in Tag Team Torture 12. Chace is nothing… nothing like he was in those early days of his career. For one thing, he’s added another 50% of bodyweight, at least 20% of which is contained in his gargantuan pecs. I used to refer to Chace as a go-go boy, but these days he looks like he swallowed a go-go boy as an appetizer. Over the years he’s grown increasingly illustrated, with ink now extending almost the length of his mammoth right arm. And here in his Hairy He Men match at Muscle Domination Wrestling, he’s put down the razor and let the hair grow on this gorgeous pecs and abdomen. Muscleboy. Ink. Fur. Heel?! I’m just referring to him as Chace “Made to Order” LaChance now!
Tony Law adorably insists that his physique is the best in the house.
A word about his opponent. There are moments when I just want to pinch adorable Tony Law’s cheeks. Such is the case when he opens this match by flexing and announcing, “I think I have the best physique in the house. And I want anyone to come challenge that right now!” It’s clear that Tony knows what’s coming from the way he bites his lower lip. He knows he’s full of shit. And he knows he’s about to get pummeled by the mountainous, mouthwatering muscles of Chace LaChance. Everyone. EVERYONE at MDW has beat Tony’s sweet ass, of course. But damn it all if I don’t find myself wishing that the epic farmboy jobber learned a lesson or two and earned some respect along the way. However, it’s not today, my friends. Not today.
Tony keeps insisting on tests of strength with completely overpowering Chace.
The boys slap down their proverbial dicks when Chace calls attention to what I find most eye catching and provocative about his appearance: his awesome coat of hair across his torso. He refers to Tony’s modest patch of upper chest hair as “pussy fuzz” in comparison. “Outrageous!” Tony snarls, his masculinity insulted.
Chace’s full nelson almost snaps Tony’s arms off at the shoulder. And get a load of that ass!
“Outrageously great, I understand,” cocky Chace flexes his mammoth bicep in Tony’s face. Tony seems most intent on proving that he can defy the odds in one test of strength after another. Chace smirks and chuckles each time they lock up and the behemoth swats Tony away like a horsefly. He peppers the story throughout with both physical and emotional attacks, regularly calling attention to Tony’s baby smooth body and suggesting an inherent inferiority in comparison to Chace’s manliness.
Bear trap.
There’s so much about Chace’s physique to commend him to this month’s title, but in addition to the aforementioned awesome pecs, biceps, and abs, that massive slab of beef that is his muscled ass is breathtaking. And those gargantuan, hairy legs! Holy crap, what a specimen! Muscleboy wannabe Tony absolutely shrinks in comparison, and when Chace locks those telephone pole thighs around him, Tony wriggles like a helpless fish on the line.
Chace doubles down on the body scissors, demonstrating just how wrong Tony was to believe that he had the best physique in the house.
The camera work in Hairy He Men is either too avant garde for me, or else it’s just a bit “off.” There’s a ton of focus on suffering Tony, but weirdly, epically hot Chace is frequently partially cut out of the frame. Perhaps it’s intended to emphasize how huge he is (as in, he’s so big our camera can’t quite capture him all at once!). And of course there are those for whom the turn on is precisely watching Tony’s face turn beet red and twisted in agony, so shortchanging a look at Chace is fine. As someone who tends toward infatuation with the pitcher, however, I’m a bit frustrated for the lack of lingering looks at devastatingly hot Chace.
Chace repeatedly attempts to pry Tony apart at the seams.
I’ve been critical of MDW for shortchanging the wrestling in their wrestling matches, as they sometimes tend to favor the drama, domination, and muscle torture more. Chace brings a sweet focus on the kink I love, however. His go-to is, curiously, a sort-of bow and arrow that I swear has got to have added inches to the length of Tony’s right leg and right arm. Mammoth, hairy bear bearhugs and back and gut abuse maintain a pleasing pace in the combat. However, I feel compelled to point out a familiar refrain in my reviews of MDW: this is a total, complete, unadulterated squash. Those left yawning at one-way streets will likely not be provoked by this as much as I am. I think MDW still has more to learn in taping homoerotic wrestling that tells the compelling story of competition that teeters on the edge, of battles that are nuanced and suspenseful.
Like me, Chace likes what he sees. All hail never land’s reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!
There’s no suspense in Hairy He Men. Chace is THE Hairy He Man this day. Tony Law is ground into dust. Chace LaChance is sexier than I think I’ve ever seen him. And in the field of new releases in May, it’s Chace who grabs not only Tony, but me as well, in claiming the title of never land’s homoerotic wrestler of the month.
It’s all subjective, of course, which makes debating which homoerotic wrestlers are sexiest, most accomplished, most entertaining, etc. both a joy and a farce. Some pics of recently-released matches have been hypnotizing me with some truly gorgeous, come-hither, tantalizingly beautiful eyes. I’m sure you’d pick out a different line up to epitomize the sexiest eyes in the business, but boldly embracing the eye-of-the-beholder angle, my thoughts today are about the hunks who hold my gaze most powerfully with their piercing, provocative stares.
There’s nothing short of exquisitely beautiful about lovely Rio Garza, but his deep, brown eyes are simply riveting!Gazing into Pretty Pete Sharp’s eyes are like bathing in a glacier fed mountain lake – almost too thrilling to stand!Thus far Vic Madonehas been a one-hit-wonder at BG East, but I’m hoping to see more of him. His eyes coo, “I’m going to fuck you sweetly,” while his hot bod and nasty wrestling promise, “I’m just going to fuck you up!”Michael Vineland has such a hot body unquestionably made for nothing better than fuck-stakes wrestling, but he’s got the blue steel and cheekbones of a fashion model.Sky blue irises!? What sort of genetic lottery winner do you have to be to have the body of a Norse god, dimpled chin of a Hollywood leading man, and sky blue irises!? You have to be my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler and homoerotic wrestler of the month, Kid Karisma.While we’re on the topic of genetic lottery winners, there’s the perpetually fit physique phenom, Z-Man, with dramatic eyes straight out of Lawrence of Arabia.I once described Chace LaChance as a gogo boy, but lately he looks more like he eats gogo boys for breakfast. The boy is huge, devastatingly powerful, and aesthetically about as picture perfect for my tastes as just about anyone. But whenever I linger for just a moment on those beautiful brown eyes, I can’t help but picture them on the pillow next to me, smiling back at me in the morning.
Let me wipe the sweat off my brow (not to mention any other bodily fluids) and return to my senses. I’m sure I’ll spend a whole lot more time sucking out the marrow from the mouthwatering delicacies BG East has presented in their centennial catalog, but I’ve got serious business to do, now that I’ve pushed pause. I feel the need to elevate from among possibly the most competitive field I’ve ever seen one wrestler to crown as my pick for homoerotic wrestler of the month. Occasionally, newbies to neverland demonstrate that they don’t know what I’m talking about when I laud a new HWOTM, so let me just review the concept for you who have just tuned in:
Each month, I take a look at the new releases from homoerotic wrestling producers the month prior. My usual suspects are BG East, Can-Am, Muscle Domination Wrestling, Naked Kombat, Rock Hard Wrestling, and Thunder’s Arena, and every so often an “independent producer” makes a play for serious contention (e.g., Steel Muscle God, or the rare foray into the genre by mainstream porn producers). The criteria are simple and straightforward. The wrestler I name must have appeared in a new release during the prior month, and he must be the one hunk who stands out for having turned me on the hardest. Sometimes readers read more into it than that, but that is, genuinely the scope.
Savoring the new releases that were produced in September by the above masters of wrestling-for-gay-eyes, my task was simply brutal. There are months when I actually give the title a pass because I just don’t think the field was of high enough quality, but September 2013 posed precisely the opposite problem. Way, way too much goodness streaming down, nearly drowning me as I try to keep my head above water and put everyone else but one standout wrestler into the category of also-rans. There were serious contenders from every producer on my go-to list, but in the end, I went with my gut and stuck to the premise, choosing the wrestler that turned me on hardest…
Brad Rochelle – 6′, 190 lbs, a living legend
…Brad Rochelle. Again, particularly for those of you new to neverland, be warned that I bulldoze right through spoiler material without a passing thought for anyone wanting to remain in suspense about details of most of the matches I talk about. So if you don’t want to know particulars about the climactic chapterin the Contract series, turn away now. Because I’ve got shit I’ve simply got to say!
Brad bends like none other!
First of all, Contract 10 is an awesome testimony to the masterful ensemble that has been responsible for BG East catalogs 1-100. There’s no denying that, as with every Contract DVD, Brad is “the star.” However, the climactic chapter pulls in boys in front of and behind the camera, newbies, paradigmatic veterans, cameramen, and not to be overlooked (for fear of getting my ass kicked), The Boss himself, Kid Leopard. As I’m often chided when I do the HWOTM, the quality of Contract 10 is entirely owed to everyone who is a part of it, not only Brad. But because everyone who is a part of it knows what the fuck they’re doing, they push Brad Rochelle with grace and conviction, and Brad is nothing if not ready to ride that wave and absolutely shine as the rudder to this ship.
Two muscled studs aren’t anywhere close to enough to conquer the veteran babyface Brad Rochelle!
Let me give you just a little premise to provide context. Brad’s reign of terror as the jobber-turned-heel has come to an abrupt end, now that KL has cottoned on to exactly what the legendary babyface Brad has been up to when The Boss’ back has been turned. Brad is bagged and tagged by the back office boys, dragged before KL quite literally sitting on his throne, and once again offered an escape clause to his soul-crushing small print servitude to his contract. If he can beat a wrestler of The Boss’ choosing, he can walk away a free man. If not, and I kid you not, he’s “fucked.” Yeah, that got my attention, too. Just as an aside, as The Boss is saying this, Kid Vicious is excitedly rubbing his crotch through his jeans. Yep, me too.
Brutalized babyfaces stacked like firewood.
The Boss’ right-hand man, Jonny Firestorm, takes it upon himself to toss Brad’s fine, fine ass into the ringagainst gorgeous baby face beauties Chace LaChance and Attila Dynasty(whose massive package, which does not quite remain contained, deserves a contract of it’s own). Yes, Brad, both of them, Jonny explains. Jonny scoffs at Brad’s incredulity, pointing out a living legend like Brad should have no problem manhandling a couple of prettyboys. Now, Brad’s faced 2-on-1 beatings before in the Contract, and though it’s never been easy, he has (post-heel-turn) come out on top. Chace and Attila are gorgeous, acrobatic, awesome competitors, but though they crash like waves into the living legend, Brad beats the living shit out of them both, one at a time. The boys are humiliated, and Brad is a fucking fantastic bully every step of the way. He taunts and torments them. He teases and reviles them. This is incredibly hot wrestling domination, brought to a sudden and screeching halt when Jonny abruptly knocks Brad out cold with the video camera and tells the babyface wonder-twins that “the fix is on!” As Jonny leaves to show hit footage to The Boss, Chace and Attila go to town on the dazed man who has defined homoerotic wrestling suffering for a generation of us. One long 2-on-1 session brings Brad to the edge of endurance. They rip and pry and crush him. And with pathos dripping from the screen like sweet honey, the babyface hero battles back from exhaustion and rips victory from the jaws of defeat.
Jeremy Tyler absolutely crushes Brad!
When Jonny returns to find Brad post-victory, he pounds the living legend in the face with his video camera so hard that the equipment breaks into pieces! Brad is OUT, waking only to find himself staring way, way up at pornboy wrestling muscle monster BG East newcomer, Jeremy Tyler, in the BG East matroom. I’m not sure if Brad’s nursing a concussion, but he probably is, based on his complete defenselessness against Jeremy’s pounding, grinding, ominously slow onslaught. I’m dying to see the original footage to this match, because the camera fades in and out, I’m guessing capturing Brad’s own slippery hold on consciousness as he’s dismantled, demoralized, and finally forced to flex in complete submission. “Flex for me!” Jeremy snarls in his rumbling bass voice, ripping the shoulder straps of Brad’s singlet down and showing that his muscles are decisively bigger than the “legend’s.”
The Boss grabs hold and gets ready to deliver on his promise to make sure Brad is truly fucked.
Brad comes too, once again back in the BG East ring, now cuffed into the ropes and at the mercy (like, when wasn’t he?) of Kid Leopard. There are lines that have not been crossed with Brad, as far as I can recollect. If someone is going to cross lines, however, it’s going to be The Boss. Brad is viciously controlled by a full throttle ball claw. He’s battered and beaten by the master himself, heel-in-chief, the man who defined “homoerotic wrestling heel” even more prototypically than Brad defined “homoerotic wrestling jobber.” The Boss squeezes those luscious melons of Brad’s glutes. He yanks, hard, on Brad’s trunks to deliver one of the most mouthwatering and anticipated wedgies in history.
They call him The Boss for a reason!
The Boss suspends Brad like a trophy elk across the top turnbuckle, choking him with his belt in one hand and crushing Brad’s testicles with abandon in the other hand. Brad screams. Brad chokes. Brad coughs in that way that he has, communicating with ever inch of his body and breath that he’s on the edge of panic and annihilation. And though I’ve mentioned it before, I just need to say again, his wedgied ass is a work of art!
The master’s tools…
KL kicks the babyface carcass out of the ring and looks ready to put him out and make Brad pay-up on those terms he “negotiated” earlier, when shockingly, the babyface turns the tables. Slipping on a face-smothering kiss-of-death, he catches The Boss by surprise. That’s right, babyface Brad latches on Kid Leopard’s own signature hold, outmuscling the Man. Jonny Firestorm walks into the ring room and is shocked to see KL nearly out cold, desperately waving Jonny over to intervene. “Just walk away,” Brad snarls darkly at The Boss’ intimidated henchman. Jonny wavers, second guesses, but the fierce look on Brad’s face (and possibly Brad’s glorious physique flexed and clutching his prey like a boa), convince Jonny to obey… Brad!
Where no wrestler’s lips have gone before…
The carnage is fucking epic! Brad quite literally and, no shit, honest to god in fact, nearly drowns Kid Leopard, first in his own bidet, and then in his own toilet. The living legend has had so much more than enough. He brutalizes the heel-in-chief like I’ve certainly never seen before, finally “forcing” Kid Leopard to kiss his beautiful ass (oh, please, Br’er Fox, don’t throw me into the briar patch), and finally, climactically, flexing and threatening him from behind, makes The Boss sign the “release clause” in the bane of his life for the past 8 years: the Contract.
Brad Rochelle – HWOTM and career finale in Catalog 100?!
This entire DVD is a work of art. You know how much I love a well-told narrative, and the boys at BG East have pulled out all the stops to deliver a compelling, shocking, climactic story of revenge, retribution, reckoning, and, perhaps, redemption. Like I said, there are no unessential elements in this production, so naming Brad HWOTM is not to imply he got there on his own. However, he more than carries through on his part of the bargain, selling both wrestling domination, soul-wrenching suffering, and a rageful, righteous reckoning that ties together every sordid chapter in the Contract series. The finale of Brad’s Contract is a perfect bookend to its beginning. And based on that finale, I have to question whether I’ll ever have another chance to name Brad Rochelle HWOTM, considering he is literally soaking in the sun on the beach and laughing to himself about what KL must have in store for Jonny “Firefly” after his second-in-command walked away and left him to the babyface’s retribution. All of my anticipation of Brad’s return, I’m certain, contributes to the undeniable fact that his work in Contract 10 turns me on unbelievably hard, even harder than several other matches released in September that would, in any other month, have been shoo-ins for victory. So all hail the return of the living legend, and let me be first in line to offer to follow in The Boss’ footsteps and plant my lips on Brad’s beautiful ass. Because Brad Rochelle is neverland’s reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!
Or is that the third coming!? Whatever the fuck you want to call it, the earth just shook a little underneath my feet, because I just landed on the BG East website and saw the huge reveal celebrating BGE’s release of their 100th catalog: Brad Rochelle is back!
Tease no more, Brad Rochelle is back!
I’d heard told this prophecy over 2 years ago when I made my humble pilgrimage to BG East Headquarters. Kid Leopard and several of the boys assured me that Brad was returning to the homoerotic wrestling universe and that all hell was breaking loose in response. I even was granted some epic preview pics from, what turns out to be, The Contract 10: The Reckoning, that I dutifully shared with the saints and apostles of homoerotic wrestling here at neverland. And still, over the past 2 years, I’ve been questioned, interrogated even, as to the veracity of my gospel account that Brad would one day return. Doubters and nay-sayers questioned my integrity. My devout belief in the promise handed down to me at times left me a little cold and lonely, as other homoerotic wrestling fans rolled their eyes and encouraged me to abandon all hope. It’s not really going to happen. They’re just stringing us Brad-fans along. You’ve been duped.
Brad double-troubled.
Well, suck it you apostates! Brad Rochelle is back in Contract 10, appearing in the ring, on the mats, in the back offices, in the hallways… fuck, the guy apparently takes the action into the bathrooms of the BG East compound! First up, it appears that Brad’s trip to hell includes facing two dangerous hunks at once in the BGE ring: Attila Dynasty and Chace LaChance. This isn’t the first 2-on-1 Brad’s faced down, and he’s been precisely the hunk with the skills and strength to come out on top in the past. But does he take two of the finest young asses in the BG East stable today?
Brad forced to flex!!?
When I posted the potentially apocryphal photos I’d been handed from on high a couple of years ago, I misidentified Brad’s mat opponent as a shaggy-headed Denny Cartier. I was corrected, and Contract 10 provides abundant proof that Brad gets put through the ringer by none other than Naked Kombat alum, hunky stud Jeremy Tyler. The match description on the website makes it seem pretty clear that gorgeous Jeremy absolutely crushes Brad in his second-coming tracks, and the pics make me lose my shit all over again with what appears to be a forced-to-flex scenario with Brad’s head hanging down on hits chest in defeat, his arms outstretched like a homoerotic wrestling Jesus on the cross.
The Boss takes matters into his own hands.
Holy shit, match 3 looks insane. Brad opponent? The Boss himself, Kid Leopard. Are you kidding me!?! The prototypical sadist heel extraordinaire and the hunky babyface who battled way, way back from jobberhood to give his turn on the heel wheel himself!? The Boss’ return to full-on ring action would be worthy of trumpet fanfare itself, but his return to take matters (i.e., Brad’s balls) into his own hands is nothing short of seismic! I can’t make heads or tails of what happens, because the website is milking the suspense with further sadistic mastery (like what Brad fan needed more coaxing to put in their order for this one!?). But what I see in the previews is intensely exciting, including Brad’s mouthwatering ass exposed, slapped, and, what’s this, kissed!?! There have not been many who managed to take Brad by his bull balls, but holy shit, it certainly looks like The Boss can add that to his trophy case, as well. Again I say, this looks like absolute insanity in worthy proportion to the epic historical moments that Contract 10 documents!
Still bringing fans to their knees!
Finally, to those particular doubting Thomases who not only questioned my integrity in passing along the promise of Brad’s second-coming, but argued that Brad was probably bloated and completely out of shape at this point, again I just have to say: suck it! Fuck me, please! Brad does to me in these previews exactly what he’s done to me every moment of his career that I’ve enjoyed over and over again. He’s hot, hard, and handsome as ever, aged beautifully, and lickable from head to toe. There are lots of reasons there’s long been a feverish cadre of Brad-fanatics obsessively worshipping on their knees for every single minute of every match of his career. Just one of the reasons is that he was, and remains, a gorgeous hunk of man! Welcome back, Brad. Some of us have been faithfully waiting for you!
Those who connected with me on FB are aware that I’ve been traveling “abroad” for the past couple of weeks, which accounts for my complete absence from posting new material here at neverland. My time away was excellent, full of both rest and rejuvenation, but I have to admit, I missed home. Good news is, however, that I’m back!
Kevin Crowes illustrated back is a stunning work of art, and his erotic wrestling certainly stunned wrestling pornboy veteran Rusty Stevens in Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 4
I have some match reviews to post in the next couple of weeks, along with a final installment of my virtual pilgrimage to BG East’s south campus, and there will be, as always, more random thoughts and musings that are the meat the potatoes of neverland.
Those into homoerotic wrestling fiction can also look forward to some more stories from Alex at our sidelineland site, as well as a new feature from me there that was a special request from a smokin’ hot wrestler and friend of this blog. So much wrestling eroticism to talk about, pick apart, put back together and, as always, being ecstatically inspired by!
Welcome to neverland’s new address! I recommend that regular readers bookmark this page for future reference, since I will no longer be updating the old site at blogger. Happily, I’ve been able to transfer all the old posts as well as reader comments into this new format. For your convenience and to just clarify any issues of monetization and undue influence, there will continue to be no ads here at neverland other than the unsolicited publicity I offer through my discussions of homoerotic wrestling products that I enjoy. Check out the About page for reference to photo copyright owners who have generously given me permission to repost their images here. You can also find an updated Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month Hall of Fame, and I’ve made some major administrative decisions regarding my running favorite homoerotic wrestler titles – namely, I’m collapsing the two categories of favorites (pornboys and non-pornboys), and once again forcing them all to battle it out in one big pool of sweat and tears for my lust and adoration. The Favorites page gives a more detailed explanation of how I came to this decision and where I drew the lines, but for those with a casual interest, suffice it to say that the inaugural unified title holder as my favorite homoerotic wrestler running is long-time infatuation of mine, wrestler-turned-bodybuilder-turned-wrestler Lon Dumont.
BG East’s Lon Dumont is my favorite homoerotic wrestler unified title holder.
I hope to get this new incarnation of neverland back to some of my roots, including intentionally blurring the lines between homoerotic wrestling fantasy and pop culture, celebrating beautiful bodies that do (or should) populate the homoerotic wrestling scene, and naming the names of the men, matches and maneuvers that dial my wrestling kink sensibilities up to 11.
In that vein, here are some fantasy match-ups I’ve chosen for which hot Hollywood hunk currently making news should climb into the wrestling ring, and which current homoerotic wrestling hardbody should be there to greet him.
Model-turned-actor-turned-superhero 6’1″ Henry Cavill vs Model-turned-softcore-pornboy-turned-homoerotic-wrestler 5’10” Zack Johnathan (Z-Man)
First up on my plate is cleft chinned fashion model Henry Cavill, who’s come a long, long way to be all-American (albeit, space alien) superhero Superman in this Spring’s blockbuster. This photo is of a leaner Henry from Immortals, sporting a physique that speaks to me even louder than his hairy chested behemoth muscleman incarnation in Superman. Talk about a star on the rise, Henry seems to be making tongues wag and mouths drool uncontrollably lately. He’s starred in several pieces of homoerotic wrestling fiction I’ve penned, and I think the perfect homoerotic wrestling veteran to test the newly minted man of steel would be equally devastatingly handsome beauty, Z-Man. I picture the blinding beauty of both of these boys inspiring them to higher and higher heights of savagery and lust for domination. Lovely Henry would have a lot to learn, and I think two-thirds of this match would involve Z-Man demonstrating all of the cruel tools of the trade he’s suffered for so many years at the hands of his opponents. However, I think Henry would be a quick study, sucking the air out of Z-Man’s lungs with an unexpectedly aggressive crotch claw, scoring the decisive knockout victory, and then working over the slowly rousing Z-Man’s luscious pecs with his tongue.
Rower-turned-jokester-turned-tv-hearthrob 6’4″ Joel McHale vs Muscle-teen-turned-bondage-dominator-turned-wrestler 5’10” Muscle Master Kevin
Joel McHale not only graduated from an institution that I did, he also grabbed a whole lot of attention when he disrobed for the first time on his network television show Community, instantly earning him a spot in the crowded field of funny men hunks I lust after. While I don’t follow Community faithfully, it’s a sentimental favorite of mine for no other reason than Joel’s mouthwatering pecs. I think this giant funny man could have no better greeter when he enters a wrestling ring than ice-cold and entirely humorless Muscle Master Kevin, boss-in-chief and stunningly pectacular CEO of Muscle Domination Wrestling. No shit, the initial stare down would be between Master Muscle Kevin’s baby blues and Joel’s mouthwatering nipples (because you know Kevin wouldn’t deign to look up). The muscle master very well might bite off more than he can chew in ripped comedian Joel, who I think harbors the deep cynicism of a serious heel-rising. But I have to think even with the size disadvantage, Master Muscle Kevin would slowly beat the tallboy down to size, humiliate him, terrify him, and teach him crucial lessons Joel would need to learn to own the ring as the heel he harbors deep inside.
Hero-turned-villain-turned-hero-hottie 5’10” Sendhil Ramamurthy vs Pornboy-brute-beefcake 6’0″ Marcus Ruhl
Discovering that Sendhil Ramamurthy was back on television and shirtless stoked some sizzling hot embers he first lit when I fell in lust with him on Heroes. He appeared in a couple of fictional wrestling matches I wrote, but the height of homoerotic wrestling fantasy would be to see him climb into the ring and discover beefy pornboy kombatant Marcus Ruhl staring down at him. There’s no way that the tidal wave plowing into him would leave sensational Sendhil anything other than flat on his back with knees in the air, but I think he’d make the pornboy work hard for it. One way or another, however, there’s a pony ride in Sendhil’s future appearances in my imagination (with Sendhil as the pony, of course).
Roman-god-turned-naked-werewolf 6’5″ Joe Manganiello vs Twink-turned-terminator 5’9″ Chace LaChance
Finally, Joe Manganiello is never far from my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. He’s a recurring character in my fiction, and even more frequently appears to me in my fondest dreams. There may have never been a Hollywood actor more perfectly suited to be a homoerotic wrestling god than mountainous muscleman Joe. In fact, I struggle to imagine who could manage to initiate the mighty beast sufficiently. Having admired the beastly transformation of Chace LaChance from tweezed go-go-boy to brutishly massive muscleman, however, I’m picturing Chace to be the one to give rookie Joe a boot to the face as the Hollywood stunner tries to stride up to the ring apron for the first time. Chace has taken some severe beatings, and I have to imagine Joe would match him muscle for muscle, and then some. But my fantasies could picture no other outcome than big, beautiful Joe flat on his back with Chace’s muscle butt planted across his face as the Hollywood heartthrob taps frantically his final submission before Chace strips him naked (like we haven’t seen that before) and rides his glorious ass (okay, that would be new) as picture perfect Joe hangs onto the ropes and moans.
So leave me a housewarming present here at neverland 2.0 by sharing in the comments below your Hollywood-turns-homoerotic-wrestling fantasy match-up. And welcome!
I think it’s been a while since I mused over my infatuation with tattooed wrestlers. It’s true that my own ink likely biases me toward my appreciation of illustrated hunks, but then again, my appreciation of illustrated hunks definitely influenced my own body art choices. Not everyone looks good inked. Definitely not all ink looks good, as far as I’m concerned. But there are many tattooed wrestlers who instantly own my allegiance when the step onto the mat or into the ring, in large part because they’ve got incredibly sexy ink that I crave to see wrapped up all over their suffering opponent.
Here’s some of my choice pics from the recent crops of new release homoerotic wrestling products, featuring ink that grabs my attention and makes me pull for one hardbodied hottie over the other based in large part on the artistry they embody even before they sculpt their bodies into that most provocative aesthetic form: homoerotic wrestling.
Okay, I love me some Cameron Matthews. His attitude, his wit, his relatively recently redefined incredibly conditioned physique, that ASS(!!!)… it’s hard not to find myself wanting to identify with the babyface brawler turned muscle daddy for a heel bid. But fuck! Eli Black works his magic in my shorts once again in Mat Hunks 9, solidly holding my gaze and making me acknowledge he’s my boy in this match, and I have to think it’s his ever growing collection of tattoos.
A relatively recent release in what I think is Can-Am’s best genre contribution to homoerotic wrestling pits epically long-time favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy of mine, Rusty Stevens, against almost painfully beautiful pretty boy, Kevin Crowes in Pro Sex Fight 4. I have a documented record years-long that proves that there’s almost nobody to compete with Rusty Stevens in delighting, entrancing and infatuating me, starting well before he lays a finger on an opponent. And Rusty’s got some sweet ink, albeit he could use some touch ups, if you ask me. But Kevin Crowes’ combination of imminently fuckable classically proportioned beauty along with his bold, massive, gorgeous ink does what perhaps only one man before has been able to do: hold my attention and settle my ass securely and convincingly in the opposite corner from Rusty Stevens.
Paul Hudson’s tatted bicep makes Lon Dumont just a little less pretty.
Lon Dumont’s skin is smooth, clear and entirely absent of foreign pigment. It’s not the art tatted onto Lon’s body that has propelled him into the top echelons of my favorite homoerotic wrestlers, but the incredible beauty of his competition physique paired with a smart, vicious persona and high quality pro wrestling execution. What could make me root against my reigning favorite!? I think it’s two things, really. One, there’s something deeply stirring watching a whittled to an anatomy chart physique star go slack over and over in a knock outs match, and (more to the point of this post), his opponent Paul Hudson surprises me by smacking me firmly into the Hudson camp with his bulging trunks and upper arm ink. Lon’s face slack and smashed into the black band inked across Paul’s right bicep is simply gorgeous.
Illustrated MJ rides Attila’s ass
The 3rd match in Mat Hunks 9 catches me by surprise by how compelled I am by it. Attila Dynasty (and in particular, his ass) has long been an infatuation of mine. But MJ Vergara is visually astonishing the moment he walks into the BG East mat room and shoves Attila stumbling ahead of him. The mohawked muscle man is amazingly built, veins popping, muscles bulging, 25 inch waist (my guess, I haven’t measure him myself… but I’d be very happy to). His bold, beautiful tattoo stretched across the whole of his left pec and massive deltoid and trapezius muscles is simply beautiful! Attila is such a smart ass, such a cocky, swaggering, proven-dangerous son of a bitch, of course, and there are plenty of matches in which that character is exactly the one I can’t wait to watch work up a head of sadistic steam all over his crushed opponent’s body. Not this time, however. Fuck, I’m all on board with compact muscle stud MJ going ape shit all over Attila’s fine, fine ass, and I’m thinking that he’s got me sucked in to identifying with his plans for bully revenge thanks in large part to that gorgeous ink that absolutely swallows up Attila whole.
Beauty and power you just have to touch.
Chace LaChance and Braden Charron in BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s bonus are both in the best shape I’ve ever seen either of them, and sporting more ink than I think we’ve ever seen on either phenomenal muscle men. All of that inked muscle wrapped around each other, squeezing, stretching, and flexing is breathtaking. Who to root for when both stunning physique stars are in the best condition and most extensive ink ever? It’s a toss up for me, but I’m not complaining. There’s no way this can miss!
Big Sexy’s big, sexy ink on display.
Less surprising is Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy owning my lustful allegiance in Battle Space 45. If there’s a “total package” in homoerotic wrestling these days (by the way I estimate packages, at least), Big Sexy probably has the best claim. He’s smart and funny, highly skilled on the mats, handsome as hell, beautifully built, one of the most fuckable asses on the planet, and all of that beautiful artwork! Both an artist and a work of art, I’m entirely a Big Sexy fanatic when he steps onto the mats with the entirely tattooless muscles of a muscle star, Muscles.
Oiled ink on ridiculously hot Landon Conrad.
Naked Kombat’s newest release makes me gasp. Even if Landon Conrad didn’t have a few, modest tats on that insanely hot muscle bod, he’d definitely be my man in his match against amazingly hot, yet somehow unavoidably diminished in comparison, Alex Law. However, ridiculously handsome muscle hunk Landon does, indeed, have tats that drive home the point that this porn gladiator is suddenly my #1 Naked Kombat kombatant in any match for the foreseeable future.
Specimen illustrates total domination.
Thunder’s Arena has long been the place for the battles of the big men, and Battle Space 46 is a prime example. Looking for everything like Superman’s alternate universe arch enemy Bizzaro, bad boy and mighty meat head Vinny was never going to be my man after the tiff he dusted up around his “gay taunt” earlier in his Thunder’s career. But then again, with beautiful, branded beef like Specimen is serving up, it wasn’t like Vinny had a chance anyway. Beat his ass, make him cry, and give him an up-close examination of every tat, Specimen!
My final tat shout out is for another a BG East newcomer, bad ass Vic Madone. Vic is a perfect example of the difference between still frame homoerotic wrestling images and homoerotic wrestling in action. In still frame, this gorgeous stud is GORGEOUS! I mean, crystal blue eyes to swim in. A face that should be hocking ultra-expensive men’s cologne. A lickable body that appears to be the perfect intersection of form and function. Even with all of those very, very nice tats, I could picture still-frame Vic easily donning a tuxedo and walking a red carpet (and then climbing into a wrestling ring for a rip-n-strip extravaganza). But when I watched his debut match on Mat Hunks 9, there was nothing “pretty” about Vic. He mumbles non-stop, and I’d pay money for a translator, because I’m sure that incessant trash talk is sexy as shit. But Vic is an object of my lust like Michael Imperioli is in the Sopranos. He’s rough, mean as hell, machismo oozing out of his pours, and absolutely BRUTAL! Personally, I’m likely to root for anyone going up against Ray Naylor simply because I’m dying to see someone seriously ride that epic ass of his. But Vic is honestly phenomenal in this match, slowly warming me up from an initial tingling in my crotch to a full-on raging fever over the course of the first 5 minutes. I pity anyone who faces this hot, inked hunk, but I fully expect that if anyone does, you can count on me standing right behind Vic in anticipation of him doing serious damage.
So ink seems to be adding up to my allegiance lately. Of course, just because I’m rooting for one wrestler to win doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy being surprised, having my boy bested, watching the power I’m invested and identified with tamed and conquered. But tattooed muscles wrapping up and locking down an outmatched opponent is a particular brand of hot for me.
I was pulling weeds in my front yard yesterday and caught my first sighting of the season of a truly stunning specimen of a hunk jogging in front of my house shirtless. I mean, this boy was gasp-worthy. Amazingly broad shoulders, lightly hairy and powerful pecs, defined six-pack, lean & defined quads. Handsome face with a square jaw, short-cropped near-buzz-cut. But as he passed me and I stared openly, the view going was more incredible than the view coming. Incredibly gorgeous, muscled back tapering down to a narrow waist, with those hot, thin nylon running shorts slit up the side encasing incredibly powerful glutes bulging so beautifully I could’ve set my Mai Tai on top of that shelf. As I watched the specimen for two blocks before he turned up a street, I could help but smile to myself and mutter, “Summer’s back.” Here are a few more backs that make me sit back, admire, and imagine….
One of the most gorgeous shots of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler: Lon Dumont in Tag Team Torture 15.
Current top contender for the favorite title showing off his award winning backside: Kid Karisma in Matmen 23.
Alexi Adamov’s beautiful back muscles and bulging butt in Ring Revenge 1.
Like fresh picked berries and crotch watching at the beach, BG East’s Summer Sizzler’s releases have become a seasonal treat for me. I’m a little dizzy from the initial overdose I just subjected myself to, scoping out the preview pics that are part of catalog 99.1, just released.
Boyfriend jobbers Skip and Christian make me think it’s not all bad getting crushed by Morgan Cruise.
Making my eyes water the hardest are the initial shots of Tag Team Torture 16: Boyfriend Beatdown, featuring the combo I’ve been bitching and moaning in anticipation of for years. Skip Vance and his real life boyfriend (and former HWOTM) Christian Taylor climb into the ring together for a 2-on-1 battle against heel-risen Morgan Cruise. Holy shit, this looks insanely hot. This looks like it’s heading in all the right directions, and I’m a little breathless in anticipation.
Chace LaChance and Braden Charron are RIPPED!
Speaking of breathless, shocking me just a little are the preview pics of the “Bonus Match” (for ordering all of the Summer Sizzlers) featuring Braden Charron and Chace LaChance both appearing to have physically peaked for the season at precisely the same moment that they climbed into the ring together. I may have seen Braden this ripped… possibly, but holy hell, I have never seen Chace as put together as this. Fuck. Me. Please.
Who’s Got Whom? Eli Black or Cameron Matthews?
Mat Hunks 9 is a stand-alone compilation that delivers a pretty perfect 8-pack selection of thirst-quenching hunks such as I’m not sure I’ve seen all on one DVD before. 3-time HWOTM Eli Black looks like he’s got his hands full with former HWOTM Cameron Matthews. This is a fascinating pairing, I think, and Cameron’s showmanship combined with Eli’s intensity seems like a formula for either disaster or perfection. I’m voting for perfection.
Rafe Sanchez takes the ride of MY life!
And speaking of perfection, former HWOTM and former and long-running overall favorite homoerotic wrestler of mine, Mitch Colby, snaps those tanned, rock hard thighs around the smooth, sexy head of long, long running infatuation of mine (though never a HWOTM), Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmmmm… Rafe). These two have appeared in some of the over the top sexiest wrestling I’ve ever enjoyed, so combined, I’m feeling dehydrated just thinking about it. And I’m not even going to mention the perfection of asses featured in the other two matches on Mat Hunks 9… yet.
Hot, hard muscles turned to jelly.
I will mention that my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (non-pornboy)Lon Dumont is also out in a new product, Knock Outs 2 , appearing back in the day when his head was smoother than Rafe Sanchez’. The match promises both Lon and his opponent, veteran pro Paul Hudson, get sleepered repeatedly, and the image of lovely, powerful Lon so vulnerable, out cold, is giving me hot flashes!
Mr. Joshua had better watch his back (I’ll keep an eye on his front for him)
Finally, Ring Hunks 1 (how is this only the first of that title!?) throws former overall favorite homoerotic wrestler Mr. Joshua’s massive package headlong into the dangerous machinations of former HWOTM and recent interviewee here, Aryx Quinn. If anyone can unleash the beast, surely it’s diabolical Aryx! Right?! Please!?
So these releases technically fall in the month of May, but there’s no way I can assess them in time for tomorrow’s crowning of a new HWOTM, so they’re officially delayed to join the June releases. In the mean time, pass me a protein drink. I’m going in….
Sidelineland 