Biff Farrell – Page 2

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

August 10, 2016 wrestlebard1 Comment

It takes a big, ballsy man to wrest the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month away from a 4-way tie like last month’s winners. Happily for all of us, there are plenty of big, ballsy homoerotic wrestlers, and perhaps none as big, ballsy, bulging, blond, blue-eyed, and buff as July’s homoerotic wrestler of the month…

… Biff Farrell.

Everything about Biff is built to thrill.

With all-American grade A beef like Biff, a post explaining how he earned the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month practically writes itself. This is Biff’s second time claiming the title, and it’s little wonder he also owns the distinction of being voted by fans as BG East’s 2015 Best Debut. He put out 3 brand-spanking-new BG East matches in July, constituting his first (of many, hopefully) Wrestler Spotlight collection. Many neverland readers need no convincing to hail the reign of Biff. He locked up an army of eager fans from the first moment we saw him barely one year ago. It’s been a rocky road for the flag bedecked beefcake, and perhaps never rockier than in the brutal 3 matches of his Spotlight collection. But win (rarely) , lose (often), or draw (never… this is BG East, after all) , it’s hard to deny that Biff embodies exactly the boyishly handsome, magnificently muscled, classically beautiful qualities of a chart topper babyface.

I’ve already discussed just how much I enjoyed the phenomenal Biff-bashing in the opening match of his Spotlight. In fact, the dazzling, dastardly performance of prettyboy heel Kelly King nearly made me drop Biff from title contention for HWOTM, just like Kelly choke slammed big Biff to his back with absolute authority. If there had been only this one match to consider, truth be told, I’d be lifting Kelly’s hand in victory right now. Not that Biff didn’t sell like a mother fucking champion. I buy many times over the absolute devastation and brutality of Kelly in large part thanks to Biff’s sensational sell, and doubters need only watch this match to be convinced that pro wrestling is a full contact sport for serious athletes. I’m certain that Biff’s alabaster smooth muscles were seriously black and blue the day after this match, and the only flaw in the perfection of this pairing is that I was not invited to massage away the aches and pains from Biff’s oil soaked muscles as he recovered. But again, I have to say, the revelation and commanding turn on for me was falling in lust with Kelly King.

h0211_lg — Masked Menace carves up Biff like a turkey.

Fortunately for Biff’s prospects for winning the title of HWOTM, he showed up twice more. His mat match against another rising infatuation of mine, Masked Menace, is my second favorite bout in the compilation. Menace brings something I don’t think we’ve seen before from one of Biff’s opponents, namely, a carnal appreciation of Biff’s stunning beauty. It isn’t over the top. It doesn’t have to be, as far as I’m concerned. But the two things Menace enjoys most in life, clearly, are the feel of a pretty boy’s bulging muscles and the sensation of making a muscleboy his bitch. The first camera break in this match comes only after about 5 or 6 humiliating submissions get milked out of the beautiful headliner. I love Masked Menace’s momentum, his certainty, his precision. I love how he excitedly rips Biff’s singlet off, hungry for more skin, raging to peel the muscleboy down to the slimmest vestige of modesty. I also love the give and take in this match. Biff is out-hustled and outwrestled by his smaller opponent, but unlike the other two matches in this collection, he fights back.

0211_lg — “This is what we call a wrestling match right here!”

In fact, Biff gets seriously pissed by his opponent’s repeated punches, and he climbs on top with pupils dilated and lips curled. “This is what we call a wrestling match right here!,” he snarls furiously, sick of the fists pounding into his abs, pecs, groin. “NO HITTING!,” he spits through clenched teeth, using all of that muscle mass advantage to nearly pop his opponent’s head off his neck in a vicious full nelson.

But in the end, Masked Menace has his way with Biff. The crotch-to-face headscissors may be the closest we’ll ever see to Biff sucking dick (but I’ll hold out hope anyway), and Menace milks it like the gay wrestling kink avatar he is. The hip swiveling face pin underneath the masked master’s cock may be the second closest we’ll ever see, as the wasted beefcake helplessly takes it on the chin (and across the lips) while his opponent does slow, quiveringly sexy push ups overhead. Biff’s writhing and wriggling clearly turn Menace on (I’m right there with you, MM). The masked master strokes his own hairy pecs, and he flexes excitedly overtop of the battered specimen at his feet. His Boston crab has Biff choking and weeping in submission, until Masked Menace drops one leg and uses his free hand to claw the living fuck out of Biff’s testicles, for no good reason, just to hear the bruising muscleboy scream. And he does. Fuck, this is sensational wrestling, and the objectification of Biff’s battered, conquered body by a smaller, older opponent is lush.

Biff’s brutal beating at the hands (and knees and elbows and boots) of Guido Genatto is breathtaking. I’ve been struggling with watching pro heel Guido lately, and I’m not entirely sure why. I’d like to see some more variation in his matches, true. Watching him steamroll one opponent after another has felt a little redundant. But I’ve sucked down similar performances of other favorites without growing tired. I think Guido’s brand of heartless viciousness needs a live audience, though. There’s something perplexing about his rage, about his gratuitous violence, that I think would make more sense if he were explicitly playing to the roars of a crowd. In any case, he does to Biff what he does to most everyone, namely, deliver a one sided beatdown peppered liberally with withering trash talk. For someone who, reportedly, has big, big pro wrestling dreams, this is surely exactly what Biff needed, because if he still wants to climb into the ring after getting muscle massacred by a monster like Guido, then I think Biff is going to go far.

0338_lg — On behalf of fans of Biff’s luscious ass, thanks for that, Guido!

I don’t remember ever getting to see as much of Biff’s mouthwatering glutes before, as we do when Guido nearly rips his trunks apart at the seams with a savage wedgie. For that, I’m deeply grateful to Guido. But this match is really all about Biff, with the blond bombshell selling the mother fucking life out of his beatdown. He screams bloody murder. He whimpers and wails. “No more!!! NO MORE!!!,” Biff weeps pleadingly. He’s such a gorgeous slab of beef that Guido literally sinks his teeth into the mountainous trapezius muscle of the muscleboy next door. “Sometimes, you just gotta take a bite!” Guido explains. And I totally understand.

Biff is delicious. He’s gorgeous standing still. With his signature stars and strips and military cut, he’s the perfect July pin up boy for a homoerotic wrestling calendar. I never tire of watching him, despite his repeated humiliating failures thus far in almost all of his matches. Nay, not despite, but perhaps because of his failures, I can’t wait to tuck in each and every time he shows up wearing next to nothing but that crotch warming, earnest smile. He embodies the promise of hard work and fanatical attention to training and aesthetics, and therefore his terrified beatings, screaming in panic, weeping in agony, impotent and owned by one opponent after another, is hypnotic to watch. Well, hypnotic and incredibly sexy. I’d love to see more offense from him. I’m living for the day he seriously gets to muscle bully some new flavor of prettyboy rookie who knows as little about pro wrestling as Biff did the first day he showed up at BG East. In the meantime, set off some fireworks, stand at attention, and salute the flag, wrestling fans. Biff Farrell is unquestionably my homoerotic wrestler of the month.

0302_lg — July 2016 Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month: Biff Farrell

Sweet!

August 2, 2016August 2, 2016 wrestlebard3 Comments

Biff Farrell stars in his own Wrestler Spotlight collection

BG East catalog 114.2 dropped just before the end of July, and check out the crotch-stirring, heart melting coverboy shot of the bulging, blond beauty Biff Farrell on their webpage. I believe that is the complete and official entry for “boy next door” in the OED.

This is where hours at the gym and a sense of fair play will get you.

There’s a lot of love in this relatively small decimal point of a catalog. I’m sure I’ll talk about much more of it as I soak it in, but let me just start by saying Biff Farrell is making a hard, hard, hard to refute case for climbing up from the runner-up spot this year and grabbing the title of top babyface with both hands. From start to finish in all three matches in his Wrestler Spotlight feature, Biff wears the stars and stripes of your bulging, blue-eyed beefcake babyface dreams. I thought Biff was cottoning on to the temptations of the dark side in his magnificent work against Joe Mazetti in The Comeback 2. But Biff is back to being earnest as hell, with a full throated commitment to believe in hard work and will power as the antidote to any underhanded shenanigans from pro wrestling opponents. In other words, big Biff gets sliced up like the tasty side of beef he is.

Again, I’m sure I’ll have plenty more to say about other matches, but let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). I’ve not appreciated Kelly King the way that, clearly, I should have. Fuck, he’s knee-wobblingly pretty, paired with a strong hit of ball-clawingly dastardly. What a fucking sensational combination! Before the action starts, Biff acknowledges Kelly’s extensive knee brace. “I thought we were going to have a match today, but by the look of it, it looks like your knee is bothering you,” he expresses human decency and natural concern. “It’s all right,” Kelly shrugs, warming up, leaving it a little unclear whether said knee may be just a bit tender by the look his stretches. Biff gives credit for his opponent’s grit to work through the apparent injury, and he promises to “take it easy” on the knee. They shake hands, all sportsmanly. “I like the respect,” Kelly states, appreciating Biff’s sincere concern and sense of fair play.

“What do you say, punk? That knee feel fine, eh?”

Biff, Biff, Biff (smh). Holy fuck, does Kelly beat the living shit out of him. Right out of the gate he nearly snaps him off at the elbow in a nasty armbar, forcing Biff bent forward gingerly. “What do you say, punk, huh?” Kelly demands, his voice dripping with contempt. “The knee fine, eh?” he asks. “I… I guess so,” Biff chokes on the pain.

With the studied expertise of an experienced pro heel, Kelly opens up a ton of distance right off the bat. He’s half a step faster and looks about twice as confident as he takes possession of big Biff’s bulging body. He goes for early submission holds with deliberateness and a strong sense of inevitability. But when the tough babyface repeatedly refuses to give, Kelly slams him to the mat and sadistically grinds the metalwork of his knee brace digging deep into Biff’s throat. “How does that brace feel?,” the heel smirks.

“Your the dumb one who decided to get into the ring with me!”

I realize I’ve already said this, but I have to repeat myself here: Oh, fuck! How many ways, how many times can a heartless pro heel exploit the foreign object of hard plastic and metal wrapped around one knee to fuck up his opponent? I lose count. Straight up enhanced knee lifts to the gut. Knee drops across the throat, pecs, limbs, back, etc., etc., etc. “How does that knee brace feel now?” Kelly laughs at one point, dragging this dazed slab of beef off the mat to kneel at his feet. “You’re so cheap with that thing!” Biff protests weakly, on his knees, staring at his opponent’s crotch. “You’re the dumb one who decided to get into the ring with me!” Kelly laughs, abruptly swinging his leg wide and pounding the brace into Biff’s beautiful face. Biff’s head snaps to the side sickeningly a fraction of a second before he flies limply across the ring.

Kelly is wondering if you’re liking what you see.

It’s a mauling, don’t get me wrong. But it has more of a feel of a 2-on-1 handicap match than a strict squash: Biff versus Kelly and his knee brace. All of Biff’s gorgeous, extravagant muscle and beauty is absolutely put through the meat grinder, and as a fan of Biff’s gorgeous, muscled bubble butt, I’m enthralled with the way Kelly shows off the babyface from every beautiful angle.

But my all time favorite moment of this match comes after Kelly has driven Biff past the point of despair, full speed ahead into sheer panic. Repeated neck breakers make big Biff scream, “Oh, God!” and tap out over and over again. So Kelly ties him up nice and tight, his left arm pinned behind him in an armbar, his right arm similarly twisted up behind him and sandwiched snugly, high up between Kelly’s meaty thighs. “Too bad you can’t tap out now,” Kelly laughs out loud, adamantly refusing to acknowledge Biff’s screams of submission choked through tears of agony. “Who’s the man!!!?” Kelly suddenly demands. “Tell me who the man is!!!” he orders, leaning in to listen for complete humiliation to come dripping off of Biff’s lips. Our doomed hero holds out while, but finally, pleadingly cries, “You’re the man!” And then this sublime look of visceral pleasure washes over Kelly’s face. As if surprised by just how much pleasure it gives him to hear Biff’s terrorized submission, the heel whispers, sincerely, “Sweet!”

One of the other aspects of this match that catches my attention and leaves me wanting to see more like this is Kelly’s interactions with the camera. Unlike mainstream pro, we don’t often see either opponent in a homoerotic wrestling match really acknowledge, in the moment, the camera crew (or the audience, for that matter). I get why. There’s an intimacy and immediacy about it, when wrestlers tuck in as if this is some private grudge, as if no one else in the world matters. But at a couple of points, with Biff wailing and kicking and rolling in agony at his feet, Kelly stands up and flexes for the camera, literally instructing the crew on the best angle to document his magnificent domination. “Get a shot of that!,” Kelly demands, flashing his tanned, bulging double biceps that put all of Biff’s muscle to shame. Later, he’s literally standing on Biff’s face, leaning across the top rope with a leisurely smile for the camera. “Ah, yeah, that’s pretty!” he plays to the camera as if chatting with me and you on this side of the screen.

This could easily be overdone. It could get way too self-conscious, easily a bit hokey. Rock Hard Wrestling has played with pulling down the 4th wall, mostly successfully, but I just don’t think I see that often at BG East. But I’d like to see more, more acknowledgement of the audience, more interaction with the camera’s eye view. Get us right there in the ring with you. I fucking love how Kelly pulls this off subtly, and as dazzlingly pretty as coverboy Biff is, Kelly’s charisma and eye contact make me swoon for him by the time this is all over with. He’s got a classic lusciously pretty, bad boy profile, and the way he plays with the camera sells like he knows exactly how much you both hate him and absolutely worship him for being a vicious prick.

To those who’ve already been Kelly King fans awhile, scoot over, because I’m climbing on that bus. He can break whatever rules he wants to, just so long as he keeps winking at me and chatting me up right in the middle of brutalizing another beefy babyface.

Lost Time

February 6, 2016 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Thanks for those checking in on me after not posting for a couple of weeks. Exciting times in the Bard household these days, including an imminent relocation of chez Bard. I’m certain there will be more disruptions in my posting schedule over the next few months as I happily move to greener pastures, but in the mean time, let me make up for lost time and applaud the winners of the 2015 BG East Besties.

In the individual wrestler categories featured winners who were certainly odds on favorites, as well as what I consider a couple of upset surprises. First, as for surprises, I think Jake Jenkins’ successful defense of his title as Top Babyface is a surprise mostly because JJ simply wasn’t prominently featured in 2015. Not that I haven’t fucking adored JJ from day 1, but honestly I figured more prolific wrestlers would have been more on the mind of voters. But JJ proves once again not to underestimate his petite, acrobatic, sensationally hot body or beautiful face. And Kip Sorell stole Best Abs from Z-Man!? Holy fuck, that blows my mind. I’d dip all 5 nominees in chocolate sauce and lick them clean, mind you, but Kip’s relatively low 2015 profile paired with Z-Man’s ferocious fan base has to make this a major upset.

Not so surprising are tried and true chart toppers like Best Butt award winner once again, Kid Karisma. It’s hard to argue with perfection, although Ty Alexander pulled out a runner up for the category, and he’s sworn on FB to claim the title in 2016. Also not surprising me at all is Pete Sharp slapping down the competition for Best Bulge with his his monster package. I think that anaconda could be a gimme anytime Pete’s in the mix. Best Body went to Chace LaChance, which I think is entirely understandable, though I’m glad to see Kid K pulled into 2nd place.

Biff Farrell – Best Debut of 2015(Start lobbying now for a “Best Legs” category next year, and a Monster Quad Match between Biff and Logan Vaughn, please!)

Top Heel for 2015 was Guido Genatto, which is hard to argue with, despite my selecting Joe Mazetti for my vote. Guido’s multiple, overwhelming heel performances in 2015 would be tough to beat by anyone at any time. Top Jobber went to fan favorite Ty Alexander, who was my pick and, I think, a shoe-in for his multiple matches jobbing like the cream of the crop. Debut of the year was a tough call, but I’m pleased that my pick, Biff Farrell, slapped Drake’s pick, Chet Chastain, down like a bitch to claim the title. I still say with a debut year like his, Biff could own this industry in a couple of years if he wanted it.

Guido Genatto and Chet Chastain dug deep to pull out the victory for Best Overall Match of 2015

For the collaborative titles (at least, those requiring more than one wrestler to qualify), there were again a few surprises, at least to me. The Submissions 10 match featuring Cameron Matthews and Zach Reno came out of nowhere to take the trophy, as far as I’m concerned. I’m seriously shocked Jonny & Stone didn’t get the nod from submission fans. I’m also surprised and a little perplexed that the winner of Best Match Overall for 2015 was Guido and Chet’s Fan Fantasy 3 bout, despite that same match only coming in second place for Best Ring Match. If one were to assume that voters were consistent in their voting, I think that would have to mean that a good portion of those who voted for Blaine and Cameron’s Barefoot Babyface match as Top Ring match felt that whatever their top mat match pick was was better overall. Still, I find it intriguing that Best Overall Match was not the best match in its category.

Drake made a big push in our discussion about the nominees for Blaine and Cameron’s Barefoot Babyface match, and I’m not surprised it snagged the Best Ring Match title. Hot, shocking, sensationally sexy stuff. Similarly, I’m unsurprised that Ring Releases 2 pulled out the victory for Sexiest Match, even though my vote went for X-Fights 39 (which still pulled a respectable second place). I’m a little thrilled to see Kid Karisma and Marco Carlow’s Undagear 23 match do so well, winning Best Squash and coming in 2nd for Best Mat Battle. My vote still went for Lane Hartley and Richie Douglas brutally once sided babyface mauling for Best Squash, but Kid K and Marco definitely deserved some lauds and praises for that match. The Hottest Liplock of 2015 appeared in Ring Releases 2, meaning it was Kayden Keller’s face sucking on Ty Alexander that turns fans on most last year. That Skrapper and Christian Taylor came in second place surprises me a little, but Christian certainly deserves the reigning title as resident Kisser at BG East these days, so a second place finish for him makes sense

Kid Karisma & Marco Carlow’s Undagear 23 – Best Squash of 2015

Congratulations to all the nominees and especially the winners. It was a rich, deep bench to call up in 2015. The extramural, cross production competition seems to me to be heating up these days (note Cameron throwing shade on FB about the Besties on his way to promoting his own productions these days). But when it comes to full on, unapologetically gay-oriented wrestling with sensationally sexy action and beautiful bodies abounding, BG East remained the most prolific, diverse, and entertaining, by my estimation. I keep waiting for Can-Am to really reinvest in buying back their stake of the explicitly gay wrestling scene (though they definitely maintain a major claim on the wrestling-foreplay porn narrative), and/or some new production to seriously compete with BG East for the unapologetic eye to gay pro wrestling fans. But as of the close of 2015, I think that market is unquestionably dominated by BG East. It was definitely a great year for a great company and a fantastic battalion of beautiful wrestlers.

And the Nominees Are…

January 19, 2016 wrestlebard3 Comments

As anticipated, BG East has posted their poll for the Bestie awards, recognizing the fan favorites for their wrestlers and matches featured in 2015. Drake and I did our pre-scout report last week, but now that we have the actual nominees in hand, I wanted to do a quick comparison in the interest of aiding voters in making the best choices. I’ll just stick to the individual categories because you only have until midnight this Friday to submit your votes. First up, lets take a look at the faces of the nominees for Top Babyface.

Jake Jenkins – Defending Top Babyface 3 years in a row!

Next up, let’s compare the awesome abs nominated for Best Abs of 2015.

I’m not the first person to note that a prominent 2-time champion of the Best Abs Bestie was not nominated this year, despite appearing on the mats in 2015 for BG East. I don’t know if the academy intentionally snubbed Eli Black, or if there was a calculated judgment that Eli’s killer abs were truly out distanced by the 6 lovely, lean hunks above. In any case, just a look at the abs that are not in contention this year…

Eli Black – shut out of the nominations for 2015 Best Abs

I’ll take a look at the field for Best Body and Best Bulge tomorrow…

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Year: Reader’s Choice

January 5, 2016 wrestlebard1 Comment

278 of you voted for which of my homoerotic wrestlers of the month you’d pick to be homoerotic wrestler of the year for 2015. The results are definitive and indicative, I think, so let’s break it down.

With 28% of the vote, Ty Alexander wins the plurality as the reader’s choice homoerotic wrestler of the year. Ty worked for it. Ty always works for it. Both in the ring and in the world of social media, the Trophy Boy is a perfect study in having a plan and executing it to perfection. Fans love his bubble butt, ever tightening, taut twink bod, and his reckless enthusiasm for running face first into one steam roller after another. Ty has such a following because homoerotic wrestling fans love a full throttle, unapologetically erotic wrestling jobber. I suspect that July’s homoerotic wrestler of the month also owns this poll in part due to his ability to mobilize his social media following, which I think is indicative of the next level of the homoerotic wrestling business. Fans respond not only to Ty’s sensational sell in the ring, to his succulent body, to his endless ambition, but also to his commitment to exist, on a day to day basis, in our Twitter and FB feeds, to weave the fantasy of a hot, horny, humpable young stud into the fabric of our day to day lives. As I said back when I anointed him HWOTM in July, I think there’s a whole market waiting to get tapped by serious franchise players like Ty loving it, living it, and making us continue to peek behind the scenes of a wrestling shoot to fantasize in all sorts of new ways about the sexy studs living their wrestling dreams.

Mad Mykel brought him to his knees in Ring Releases 3.

Mason Brooks ripped Ty apart in Florida Fights 5.

Making a major play in the polls for second place with over 21% of the vote was 2015 rookie Sensation (with a capital S!), big, bulging, beautiful, buff, blond, blue-eyed, bombshell beefcake Biff Farrell.

I have to think Biff has got to make a very strong showing for this year’s rookie of the year in BG East’s Besties. He certainly grabbed my attention, and I know captured the homoerotic wrestling imaginations of a whole lot of us with incredibly impressive appearances in an amazing 4 new releases in his rookie year. It’s a rare newbie who makes such a splash at BG East to earn his way into 4 releases, 3 of which are stand alone single matches, 1 of which he’s even the title character for! Fans love his look, his magnificent muscles, his obvious enthusiasm for professional wrestling, and his sensational, muscled ass (I know, that’s part of his magnificent muscles, but it deserves it’s own mention). I’ve also been on the big Biff bandwagon for the duration because I’m growing more and more infatuated with the character he’s selling better and better with each match. Fans love a big, muscled babyface rookie who can, from the start, take it every ounce as successfully as he dishes it out. I believe the sky’s the limit with my December homoerotic wrestler of the month, and I’m just saying a prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods that he hasn’t peaked too soon, because I hope to see a lot more of him in 2016.

Lon Dumont gives fans what they want, forcing rookie Biff to flex.

Biff learns what BGE heels do with pretty faces in Rookie Wreckers 2: Biff’s Beating.

Biff’s first babyface victory, wrecking his own rookie in Ripped Rookies 2: Backyard Battle

Biff finished very strong, determined to cut short Joe Mazetti’s epic Comeback.

Coming in third in the voting with 13%, sophomore heel rising Kayden Keller grabbed hold of hearts and loyalties (not to mention balls) with a vengeance in 2015.

Kayden only appeared in 2 releases for BG East this year (though it seems like more, doesn’t it? honestly?). But that was enough to keep his fans gagging for more. If his showing in the polls demonstrates anything, I think it shows us that homoerotic wrestling fans always, always have a place in their fondest fantasies for a sensational, sadistic, explicitly erotic wrestling heel. He abundantly earned his HWOTM title for October by selling one of the best surprises in homoerotic wrestling for 2015, getting sleepered out cold by the shockingly eager erotic debut of little, lithe, lovely Leo Tomasi. I know there are some fans who saw that as a major blow to Kayden’s obvious play to climb the ranks of BG East’s resident, reigning heels, but I found the unexpected drama to be probably the most compelling wrestling narrative of the year. And in case you haven’t seen the match, suffice it to say that despite Leo’s shocking moment in the sun (with Kayden’s face shoved where the sun don’t shine), the 6’2″ powerhouse heel doubles down on the total soul and body crushing domination before all is said and done. It takes a whole lot of man to heel, match after match, and even more of one to get completely owned and humiliated by a jobber and STILL come out with his heel cred shiny. Kayden Keller is every ounce that man.

Kayden is a heel who can multitask in Ring Releases 2: Triple Release

Kayden showed us a whole new side in Ring Releases 3.

Congratulations to all the winners this year, and thank you all for a sensationally sexy year in homoerotic wrestling!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Year

December 31, 2015December 29, 2015 wrestlebard5 Comments

Hopefully we’ll have an opportunity to vote on the BG East year end Bestie awards soon. In the mean time, I made my own selections of the wrestlers that grabbed me hardest month by month (I skipped a couple months because life just keeps me from it every so often). My homoerotic wrestler of the month title is a difficult call to make most months. I’m turned on by so much of the fine new releases that I enjoy on a regular basis. But of the matches I’ve seen, the HWOTM title gives me a short list of the wrestlers I enjoyed most over the year.

Not that these are necessarily my top picks of the year. There’s probably some way to do a statistical analysis on the between group versus within group variances (Jose can probably tell us). Some months may present a tighter, higher caliber field than others to choose from, so a “loser” on any given month might have beat the fuck out of a winner in a different month. But I think my top wrestler in a new release in 2015 is guaranteed to be among the 10 HWOTM I called out this year, even if the runner-up might not be.

Anyhow, statistics and logic problems aside, before I can talk about the 10 HWOTM title holders in 2015, I need to anoint a December title holder. It’s a day early, but I’m going ahead and calling the competition for which wrestler turned me on hardest in a December new release. The last piece of the puzzle and the reigning HWOTM as we move into the new year is…

0106_lg

…big, bulging, buff, beautiful, blond, babyface, blue-eyed beefcake, Biff Farrell.

Biff turns thoughtful sizing up the competition.

Frankly, it was a very close call as to whether it was Biff or his opponent, the titular character in The Comeback 2: Joe Mazetti, who turned me on hardest. Joe gets the nostalgia vote, and he sensationally sells the story of a classic heel who can’t, despite his best intentions, turn over the new leaf he so much longs to. Just the thrill of getting to see Joe looking so fucking huge, fit, and fierce is incredibly satisfying, much less getting to see Joe wrestle like he never left the ring in the first place.

Biff savors the taste of making a man suffer between his thighs.

But Biff narrowly rips the title out of Joe’s hands the moment he drops the heel daddy with a sucker shot to the gut and lords it all over a writhing, wriggling Joe, laughing and sneering with Joe’s nogging crushed like a tin can between Biff’s gargantuan thighs. This is a whole new Biff. This is a hungry, brutal, vicious Biff, with a big, bulging sadistic button sticking out and snarling Joe punching that button with abandon.

Biff is such an impressive hunk of man. It’s a joy, and just a little relief, to see his personality come through as 3-D as his bulging, beautiful muscles do. True, the Comeback king puts the buff kid out cold before all is said and done, but it’s that contemptuous, sadistic streak shining through in Biff’s riding time that makes me take a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th look at him as officially graduating from the ranks of the rookies. He plays with and plays off Joe’s larger than life delivery. Gorgeous as fuck, built like a brick house, and now with character complexity and suspense, Biff came on way, way strong to finish 2015.

Biff Farrell is the total package and my homoerotic wrestler of the month.

So somewhere in the pack of my 2015 HWOTM winners, there must be a homoerotic wrestler of the year (HWOTY). I know these are my picks, and it’s all about who turned me on month to month, but seriously, I want to know. Who do you think should be neverland’s HWOTY? Just to warm up for the BG East Besties, vote below for the neverland homoerotic wrestler of the year.

February 2015 – Jonny Firestorm in BG East’s Fan Fantasy 2

March 2015 – Stefan Ramos in Muscle Domination Wrestling’s Six Pack Bash 7

April 2015 – Lon Dumont starring in BG East’s Wrestler Spotlight: Lon Dumont

May 2015 – Marco starring in Thunder’s Arena’s Mat Wars 47

June 2015 – Marco Carlow starring in BG East’s Undagear 23

July 2015 – Ty Alexander starring in Jonny Firestorm’s Custom Combat

August 2015 – Logan Vaughn starring in BG East’s Florida Fights 5

October 2015 – Kayden Keller starring in BG East’s Ring Releases 2

Frey Eagle TV - 8 of 200.jpg — November 2015 – Eagle starring Thunder’s Arena’s exclusive Black Friday release of Frey vs. Eagle

December 2015 – Biff Farrell starring in BG East’s The Comeback 2: Joe Mazetti.

Attempting a Comeback

December 14, 2015December 14, 2015 wrestlebard2 Comments

Joe Mazetti is, if anything, bigger and more beautiful than ever!

My heart raced the moment I saw the news that Joe Mazetti is starring in The Comeback 2 in BG East’s newest catalog. I fell so hard for Joe way back when I purchased my very first BG East DVD, Fantasymen 18. It was one of those situations where I purchased the DVD thinking that the match pitting Joe against Derek D’Amore ranked last among the contests that I thought I wanted to see most from the collection, but then it turned out to be tied for 1st when it comes to the bouts from that DVD that I return to over and over again.

Youth vs Experience. Magnificent, thick cut muscle vs magnificent, thick cut muscle!

There’s a strong element of barely contained rage in Joe as a pro wrestler. It’s like he’s Bruce Banner on the edge of hulking out, but honestly, Joe always looks like the Incredible Hulk, whether he’s philosophizing or raging. Returning to the ring after an absence of somewhere around a decade, Joe is every inch as wad blowingly sexy as he ever was. Fuck, please, I’ll pay a mint for a bottle of baby oil and Joe’s outstanding fantasy physique in hand for a couple of hours. But these days, Joe says he’s mellowed. All those sensationally sexy muscle is now paired with maturity and patience. With age has come wisdom, and he’s much more the philosopher than the impulsive ring heel he was back when.

He’s nearly fawning over big, beautiful, blond beefcake Biff Farrell when he climbs into the ring. Hearing the compliments roll off Joe’s tongue is both surprising (knowing what a bulldozer heel he used to be) and sensationally arousing. I’d love to hear more homoerotic wrestling stars show some well earned adoration for their opponent’s fabulous physiques. The sportsmanly tone draws the blond rookie right in, and Biff gives credit where it’s so aptly due, admiring Joe’s incredibly fit muscles. I keep waiting, any second, for Joe to jump his juicy young opponent from behind, to punch him in the testicles, to rake him across the eyes. But no, the thick, thick coat of humility and sincere compliments he’s laying down persists. It’s the kinder, gentler, but not an ounce less massively muscled beautifully built Joe Mazetti who agrees that Biff’s body is such a close match to his in size and fitness that they really ought to arm wrestle to check out whose biceps pack the bigger punch.

Beautiful Biff and I are both wondering if Joe’s face-turn is for real.

Joe loses, and I’m breathlessly waiting for his legendary short fuse to light. But holy shit. No, Joe is downright self-deprecating! Sure, he says he thinks that he may have been in a bad position, but even behind the rationalization for his loss, Joe reasserts repeatedly that Biff absolutely gets full credit for besting him. Credit where credit’s due, Joe insists. Still, Biff offers to go 2 out of 3, just to make sure Joe feels like he’s got a fair shot at an honest muscle versus muscle showdown. They’re so incredibly respectful! I expect this from a naive, muscle head youngster like luscious Biff. But never would I have expected to be this far past pushing the play button and have yet to see Joe Mazetti go ape shit all over an opponent.

I’m just settling in to appreciate this new reality. Would we call this a “face-turn?” They lock hands again and bear down. Joe’s quickly got the momentum going over the top, but holy shit, like a machine, Biff stops him inches from victory and second by second fights his way back to neutral. Joe can’t believe it. I mean, really, he can’t believe it. As Biff suddenly overpowers him, slamming his arm down, Joe swears that the blue-eyed rookie cheated. Before any discussion of the more esoteric rules of arm wrestling can be discussed, Joe’s fuse gets lit and the bomb goes off in an instant. He clotheslines the unsuspecting babyface beefcake. “Look what you made me do!” Joe screams at Biff, writhing at his feet.

Holy fuck, look at the size of Joe’s upper legs!

It’s like not a minute has passed since we last saw Joe demonstrate the very definition of kicking ass. Fascinatingly, Joe tries to talk himself down, even as he brutalizes big Biff viciously. He doesn’t want to be that vile, ill-tempered, underhanded heel anymore. He wants to win fair and square, he argues as he kicks his opponent when he’s down. Biff is fucked but good, as Joe rides the wave of momentum he’s built out of pure instinct. All things being equal, he could put poor, bulging, beautiful Biff out for good at any moment.

Fed up with being heel bait, Biff claws his way back into contention.

But he doesn’t. He stops himself, swearing that if ever he’s going to be anything other than the vile, brawling heel of his youth, it’s got to start now. He gives Biff a hand up off the mat. I’m thinking Biff’s about to get sucker punched in the balls when he accepts the offer. Frankly, I’m pretty sure Biff is half prepared for just that sort of treatment he’s learned to expect from BG East heels. “Are you sure?” Biff asks if Joe’s sincerely ready to turn over a new leaf, as he slowly reaches his feet, shaking away the wobblies left over from getting his bell rung repeatedly.

An evil grin stretches across Biff’s beautiful baby face.

And then Biff sucker punches one of the most devastating ring heels in BG East history! I’m sure I’m not the only one to wonder if gorgeous Biff is destined to be anything other than heel bait. Well, watching him not just level the playing field but ride his ill-begotten advantage out for days illustrates a whole new side of Biff that I for one am thrilled beyond words to be introduced to. He manhandles Joe. Let me just repeat that. Biff Farrell manhandles Joe Mazetti. Let that sink in just a bit, as I replay the incredibly hot scenes in my head of Biff making the veteran scream, his head trapped between Biff’s humungous thighs, while the rookie laughs in open faced delight at completely taking advantage of his stunned opponent.

Delivering low blows makes hot-commodity-Biff laugh.

This is a sensationally competitive match before all is said and done. I’m left guessing to the very end who’s still got fuel in the tanks and a will to stomp away the last vestiges of good will, mutual respect, and an honest interest in straight up wrestling competition. I’ve never seen big, bad Joe more vulnerable. I’ve never witnessed blue-eyed Biff more vicious. But watching both beautiful boys work up thick coat of sweat on their way to beating the living fuck out of each other, I’m breathless with anticipation of which handsome hunk will leave the other laid out cold in the middle of the ring.

Experience threatens to rip youth apart, bone by bone!

I was chatting with one of my sounding boards this weekend about this very match, and we bandied about the question of which is inherently the sexier scenario: the seasoned veteran who puts the rising young hunk in his place, or the “pretty muscleboy who beats up big, burly daddy” (my sounding board’s words)? You know it’s a cruel universe when we have to choose between those two fabulous fantasies. The Comeback 2 gives us a tantalizing taste of both, but this is homoerotic pro. It’s not as if there’s any chance that this will end in a draw. It’s not as if these two perfectly matched beasts will so impress one another that they’ll just shake hands and join forces to own tag team wrestling in perpetuity (they would). As evenly matched, as fantastically fully formed these two wrestling characters are in service to a sensationally suspenseful, ego raging, muscle ripping narrative, only one of these homoerotic wrestling fantasies finally plays out here.

“Pretty muscle boy beats up big burly daddy?”

And I’m breathlessly waiting to see if Biff can bring this intensity and hunger to the ring again. And I’m nothing short of gagging for seeing more of Joe Mazetti, a little older, a little wiser, and, if anything, about 20 times sexier (by my subjective calculations) for the rounded edges and eye on his own legacy that’s motivated one of the most exciting comeback’s in homoerotic wrestling history (by my estimation).

Seasoned pro puts rising hunk in his place?

Vantastic!

October 30, 2015 wrestlebardLeave a comment

Clearly, I’ve got my favorites. I nurse long-standing infatuations with certain homoerotic wrestlers that never fail to get my engine running, time and time again. But regular readers are also aware that another favorite sport of mine is spotting the fresh newbie who instantly turns my crank. Wrestling debuts always excite me. All that potential, the promise, the possibilities of what a new hot hunk might be in the ring or on the mat is a little like wine tasting for me. They won’t all turn into fan favorites (or one of my favorites). The timing, the charisma, the look, the feel, the sound, the sell… any number of factors could be off. But with every fresh debut, all I can think as I settle in to sample the newbie is that it all could be on. This fresh face and hot bod that I’m just meeting for the first time could become a tried and true infatuation for many matches to come.

Van Skyler 5’8″, 185 lbs, potential new wrestling crush

Meet Van Skyler. Debuting in BG East’s new release Ripped Rookies 2 (that title alone makes me hard), Van has a boatload of potential to get the time-tested Bard seal of approval. Those luscious lips! That ass. Those massive pecs! That ass. Those mountainous, square shoulders! That ass. Just watching him stretching out that sensational body, wearing nothing but boots and a hopelessly too brief pair of white trunks with blue trim, the possibility that I could be crushing on this dazzling newbie for years to come seems good.

And that name, Van Skyler. Fuck. What is it about the name that makes me want to see this dizzyingly beautiful boy get pounded viciously? Who names their child “Van” without fully intending for their genetically gifted baby boy to grow up and have men lining up to smack the shit out of him? There’s something transparently artistocratic, baldly contemptuous of the underclasses in the name Van Skyler. Of course, I know nothing about his back story, truth be told, so Van could be the child of a dock worker and a prostitute with a Ryan Reynolds fetish, for all I know.

Big Biff Farrell wants to know if this gym bunny can wrestle!

Well, we are treated to a little back story, at least as far as this match goes. From the narraitve, it appears Biff Farrell first caught a glance of sensationally sexy Van at the gym. In a move that only cements my fantaticism for Biff, the big boy sees Van’s magnificent muscles pumping iron and he instantly thinks, “I want to wrestle that!” You know that both of these superhuman hunks get stares for days when they’re working up a sweat at the gym. I think if Van does dumbell bicep curls shirtless, he’s got even the straight boys sprouting wood. So the image of big Biff sidling up and starting to pump iron right next to him, the two of them staring at each other in the mirror, silently sizing one another up,that scene belongs at the start of a gay porn. But this isn’t vanilla gay porn, so Biff follows up some gratuitous compliments of Van’s lush bod with the most erotic come-on of all, “But are all those big muscles good for anything?” Oh, fuck Biff, you are a quick study and a skyrocketing commodity on the Bard homoerotic wrestling stock exchange (BHWSE). They have a posedown, then and there in the gym. Muscles swell; egos bristle. Tongues fall out of mouths, I’d be willing to bet my firstborn, because can you just picture the magnetism of seeing these two gorgeous, built for days, hot young hunks getting up in each other’s face and talking wrestling smack with every gym bunny, cardio bimbo and average Joe looking on? I’ll bet my second born that there were guys hightailing it to the locker room to drop a few ounces of liquid weight with the image of Biff and Van flexing at each other playing on loop in their heads.

Biff was also a first-glance crush not so long ago. I love his look. His blond hair and blue eyes, that superhero square jaw. He looks so much like a barely legal musclefreak babyface who grew into that phenomenal physique so fast that he’s still figuring out the capacity and limits of all that beautiful muscle. He’s so incredibly solid. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING bulges so beautifully on big Biff. And he possesses my favorite wrestling character trait for an ambitious babyface musclekid: he’s earnest. Biff wants to be a pro wrestling star so bad he can taste it, and all that pumped sincerity makes me think he could very easily realize those humungous dreams.

Biff has also had his fantasyman dream ass handed to him by some of the nastiest heels in the homoerotic wrestling business. Whatever the assests (admittedly impressive) that come with the body of a comic book superhero and the aspirations of a pro wrestling newbie, Biff learned the hard way that experience counts for a lot in the ring. A blatant disregard for human decency doesn’t hurt either. Earnest-as-fuck Biff got those big bulging muscles crushed and manhandled by the smarts and ring savvy of guys arguably nowhere near as massively put together as he is. So I’m digging Biff picking out his own next opponent, scanning the gym bunnies for just the right combo of mouthwatering muscle, overinflated ego, and no apparent wrestling credentials whatsoever. Yeah, I see you working it, Biff.

The mat action in back of the BG East compound outside of Boston catches me (and, clearly, Biff) by complete surprise. Not only does hotty Van know how to wrestle, but he’s aggressive, putting his foot on the gas pedal and taking the offensive convincincly from the start. If Biff honestly wanted to know if all of Van’s “big muscles are good for anything,” the unequivocal answer 3 seconds into their match is, “Fuck, and Yes!” Van slams all that beef to the mat with authority. He snaps those lightly hairy muscle thighs around Biff’s torso and makes the hunk suffer instantly. He’s rolling big Biff around the mat like a total chump, and then suddenly, smoothly, he takes the comic book superhero’s back and locks on a sexy, sexy, sexy rear naked choke, pressing that massively peaked bicep hard across Biff’s throat. Holy fuck, holy fuck, gym bunny Van can wrestle, and he’s OWNING Biff’s beautiful butt!

Biff shows off the sweaty gym bunny beauty

Happily for all parties involved (well, you and me, mainly) the action is hotly contested, and with so much massive muscle hanging off the bone, nobody is going to count this as a cake walk. Biff flips the script with his own bodyscissors, really making Van’s groans jump an octave when he adds a hammerlock, pinning a massively muscled arm hard and high up Van’s gorgeous, sweaty back. Thank the homoerotic wrestling gods that Biff enjoys exploiting his advantage by locking down a long, luxurious full nelson that stretches Van’s phenomenally muscled bod out seductively for the camera. Van’s big, low slung pouch bounces and quivers as he’s hung out to dry. It’s not like we’ve never seen offense from Biff before, but damn, when he’s got momentum, all that muscle looks unstoppable.

It’s probably testimony to my shallowness, but there’s one particular moment in this match that makes me gasp, push rewind, and watch again and again. Van’s fought back for riding time. He’s put big Biff on his back and slowly, but surely, slid into place to lord over the sophomore hunk in a sensationally sexy schoolboy pin. Van’s dangling participle rests heavily on Biff’s square chin as Van hoists his incredibly meaty arms in the air and flexes his biceps domineeringly. “Who’s the champ now, buddy?” the ripped rookie demands to know. As the camera slowly circles the men, we can see that the top of Van’s incredibly muscled ass cheeks have popped out over the top of his sweat soaked trunks. The cocky schoolboy pin, the newbie trash talk, Biff getting an up close look at the meat market and you and me taking a long, lingering look at those exposed cheeks and crack… what a fucking perfect moment.

Gym bunny versus pro wrestling hopeful is a fantastic set-up for a match, and I’m so thrilled to see a second chapter in the Ripped Rookies genre. Van and Biff are ideal competitors to take the house-burning hotness generated by the inagural ripped rookies, Jake Jenkins and Austin Cooper, and make it all their own. And you know for a fact that JJ and Dr. Coop own hours and hours of ongoing wrestling adoration from me, years running. Biff has the instincts and the ambition to make me sit up and take notice anytime, and as of now, I’m certain that I will be first in line to watch any match in which Van Skyler sweats through his miniscule trunks and gets that gym bunny muscle butt beat viciously.

I don’t know if I’ll be obsessing about Biff and Van a few years from now, if they will have taken up residence in my roster of persistent infatuations that draw me back time and time again to replay the oldies and break a sweat over their new releases. But, so far, count me as an enthusiastic fan of both. Particularly of Van’s bare ass. Have I mentioned that?

If Biff keeps this up, he’s well on his way to pro stardom!

Independence Day

July 4, 2015July 4, 2015 wrestlebard1 Comment

I typically take the time around the 4th of July to point out my lack of patriotism. But this year feels different. I know that I’m not the only one who feels a little more like a proud American this 4th of July. Such a major, seismic shift on marriage equality certainly doesn’t protect everyone’s rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, of course. LGBT Americans can legally be fired, denied housing, harrassed by both public and private authorities in a whole lot of places in this country still. But access to marriage is pretty cool.

Adam Battle from Can-Am’s Power Match 6-Pack

I’ve been fascinated to watch the strong and conflicting opinions the SCOTUS decision has sparked among my friends and colleagues, who, generally speaking, tend to pitch their tents in the same political camp. Straight people shamed for flying the rainbow flag. White gays shamed for celebrating marriage while people of color and trans folks are continuing to get fucked up and gunned down. Marriage advocates shamed for distracting us all from other problems like poverty and racism and gun violence and sexism.

0109_lg — Brad Rochelle from BG East’s Fantasymen 20.

I’ve got my own opinions, of course, but I have to say that I can’t help but be pleased that we’re talking a little more openly about a lot of things that ought to be complicated and unsettled. I confess a little thrill that bigots are feeling compelled to have to state their bigotry and try to rationalize it as something else, rather than just silently assuming that they’re the moral majority. And I really like that a lot of people I know who have long assumed that we all think alike are realizing that one particular decision or policy or issue that we all may endorse to some extent doesn’t erase the rich diversity of who we are, what we value, where our priorities lie, and how we think.

byers — Brendan Byers from BG East’s Florida Fights 1

It’s not uncommon in homoerotic wrestling to see American flag wrestling trunks. This gear typically signals that the wearer is a babyface hero, handsome, virile, and virtuous. And in the homoerotic wrestling matches I watch, those guys get their stars and stripes clad asses handed to them 9 times out of 10. Not always, I know, but most of the time.

BG East's Military Muscle 2 — BG East’s Military Muscle 2

The hunks in American flag trunks most often embody a naivete, a simple minded faith in things like hard work, strength, and sincerity to tip the scales of wrestling competition and justice their way. Their virginal earnestness is saccharine sweet, a glossy glaze over the realities of the homoerotic wrestling ring where things aren’t always (or even often) fair. Their wide-eyed, muscle bulging innocence seems to make them blind to a world where cheating, unsportsmanlike behavior, and ferocious mercilessness more often than not spank the ass of righteous, rule-abiding reverence for an honest battle of strength and skill.

I don’t know if this trope still plays the same way in mainstream pro wrestling (because I haven’t watched mainstream pro wrestling in forever), but I think it’s a particularly engaging narrative for homoerotic wrestling audiences. We know that survival often goes not to the fittest, but the most cunning. We know that when the rules are stacked against you, sometimes the most appropriate response is to fuck the rules. We know that often our most important assets in the battle against those who revile and oppress us behind a veneer or virtue and righteous indignation is to turn the repulsion right back around on them, to throw what they despise most in their faces, to metaphorically grab them by the balls until their self-righteous, “hard earned” privilege and power melts into weeping, impotent, contemptible helplessness.

Because more often than not, it isn’t their righteousness that has propelled them forward in good fortune. It isn’t their hard work. They haven’t just wanted success more, as if their will power is superior to those who haven’t prospered and been rewarded as much. It’s just those fucking rules that have made the difference, that have been slowly (sometimes quickly) tipping the scales their way from the moment they were born, that have advantaged them not because they earned it or deserved it, but just because they were born into families with a particular hue and history, because they effortlessly found their affections drawn in the socially acceptable direction, because they had that silver spoon in their mouths all along. So, many of us with an eye for homoerotic wrestling have learned that it’s those fucking rules that are the problem, and watching a homoerotic wrestling heel fuck the rules and humiliate a stars and stripes clad goldenboy is deep down satisfying.

I’m sure there’s much more to the American flag jobber narrative than that, but what I’m left wondering this year is whether my new found investment in my citizenship, riding this wave of judicial victory and the turning tide of public opinion, may make me, and perhaps you, a little less cynical about the American flag. I’m sure it won’t happen anytime soon, but is there a place in homoerotic wrestling iconography somewhere down the road for a sneering, contemptuous, irrepressible heel decked out in stars and stripes? Might finding myself embracing a little patriotric pride for being welcomed a little more into the fold of mainstream America shift my tastes for enjoying the sight of the American flag, strapped to the ass of an classically hot pretty boy, trampled and trashed for the poor excuse for institutional oppression it has so long seemed to me to represent? May I want to see an American patriot savvy and sly, queer and cunning, as vicious and vile as necessary to pound… who?… into tantalizingly sexy mincemeat?

1129_lg — BG East’s Austin Cooper Wrestler Spotlight 2

In some ways I hope so.

In many ways, I hope not.

h0116_lg — BG East’s Lon Dumont Wrestler Spotlight

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

June 7, 2015 wrestlebard3 Comments

I’m still making amends for neglecting the top shelf homoerotic wrestlers who worked their muscled asses off so far this year while I neglected to award anyone the title of Homoerotic Wrestler of the Months. April saw the BGE release of catalog 108, so it’s little wonder its another BG East boy taking the crown for that month. What a mouthwatering selection to pick from in that catalog! After an unconventional pick for the month of March, I know I’m back to my predictable self when I turn my full on, slack jawed, weak kneed, fawning adoration on April’s HWOTM winner…

… Lon Dumont.

0134_lg — Lon breaks big buff Biff with brains, brawn, and awesome attitude!

A Lon Dumont wrestler spotlight DVD was long overdue, and perhaps it was my breathless anticipation of a full course meal of my favorite wrestler turned bodybuilder turned wrestler that accentuated how prominently he was featured in my fondest moments of enjoying wrestling in April. But honestly, from start to finish, that spotlight DVD is fantastically all about Lon Dumont doing everything he does best, which includes looking phenomenal, talking trash like the champ he is, and executing an expertly told, technically superior pro wrestling story not just once, not just twice, but three spine tingly times on one DVD!

h0113_med — Lon makes my spine (among other things) tingle as he rides the rookie into the ground.

To start the first match, he takes a seat to enjoy the gun show as his pumped, powerful rookie opponent poses. Lon knows how to serve up rookie beef perfectly, tenderizing big, bulging Biff Farrell and forcing the humbled hunk to flex for Lon’s (and our) pleasures.

h0214_lg — Pretty Pete Sharp gets a major spinal readjustment.

He tames the beast that is the Best Bulge winner for 2015, schooling a surprisingly competitive upstart, pretty Pete Sharp, and settling a simmering score between them.

h0327_lg — Like a champion power bottom, Lon dominates and puts Charlie Panther out cold while flat on his back.

And he overcomes bodybuilding contest prep carb starving to defend his honor and retrieve his stolen bodybuilding trophy from clearly jealous Charlie Panther. Lon is such a compelling, engaging, and provocative character, he’s always going to contend for awards I’m handing out. Claiming the crown a second time after last being awarded HWOTM in November 2011, and of course possessing the title as my favorite homoerotic wrestler for extended periods of time, Lon Dumont is hands down winner of the title of Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month for April, 2015 here at neverland.